By Zephyria 
Yoon Joo-ho, with a glass of lukewarm whiskey in front of him, kept his eyes fixed on the tablet screen.
『”Do you know why I want to live in LA?”』
Yoon Joo-ho slowly gnaws on his lower lip. He follows every movement of Song Hyun-soo’s eyebrows, cheeks, lips, and jaw muscles on the screen.
In the video recording of Song Hyun-soo during an acting lesson, he was performing a scene from the movie ‘Marriage Story.’ It was a famous scene where the conflict between Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver deepens. He transformed the role of Nicole, played by Scarlett Johansson, into a male character.
『”When were you ever there for Henry? Did you even care what he wanted?”』
His acting wasn’t as stable or weighty as that of veteran actors, of course. However, he showed the passion and immersion of a rookie, and amazing growth.
『”Ha, I don’t know how I even thought about marrying you. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking back then. Uh, that’s the only explanation.”』
Every week, every lesson, he was growing. The lines he worried over and revised into Korean were natural and suited to Korean sentiments. He learned to use his expressions more richly and mastered how to infuse his breathing with emotion. He became able to express the character through his shoulders, neck, fingers, and legs. As if dancing.
He couldn’t take his eyes off Song Hyun-soo on the screen. As his emotions heightened, tremendous energy poured out of him.
He might still be too young to play the desperate depths of love. But he was a fresh rookie and a young man who had experienced the dark side of the world. He had a world that only actor Song Hyun-soo could show.
『”Everyone said you wouldn’t succeed as an artist. That you were too selfish. Even then, I defended you, saying no, you can do it. But you know what?… They were right, and I was wrong.”』
He must have forgotten the passage of time and be unaware of where he was. He probably completely forgot about me in that moment.
Yoon Joo-ho himself knew very well what that feeling was like. Nothing in the world mattered, and he had come this far chasing only that feeling. It thrilled him to think that Song Hyun-soo knew the same feeling.
He purely enjoyed acting with him. It was as if he had returned to being a rookie. Everything on set was new, made him feel tense, and made him sharpen his senses, wanting to learn even one more thing…
Being able to discuss characters and scenes with an actor who had the same level of passion as him, and being able to fully trust each other and immerse themselves in the characters while acting, was the best experience.
He had been drawn to him personally first, but even if that hadn’t been the case, he would have fallen in love with him as they continued to act together.
Just like how he was falling in love with him again and again now, watching his performance through the screen…
Yoon Joo-ho, who had been rubbing his mouth with his hand while staring at the screen, shifted his gaze away from the tablet. A pre-set alarm was ringing. As Yoon Joo-ho got up from his chair, Monroe, who had been playing on the kitchen floor, followed him.
He took the pot that had been placed on the induction stove and returned to the round dining table. Kimchi pot rice. It smelled plausible, almost like what Song Hyun-soo made. However, as he put a few spoonfuls of the contents into his mouth and chewed, Yoon Joo-ho’s jaw slowed down.
Damn it…
“Why does it taste so bad when I make it?”
I told you I’d make it. Come over here. ― He could almost hear Song Hyun-soo’s voice, scolding him with a smile.
Yoon Joo-ho threw the spoon into the pot and ran a hand over his face. Then he sighed and muttered.
“I’m in deep.”
He tried to eat a little more, but he had already lost his appetite.
Even though he had showered more carefully and slowly than usual, it was only 10 o’clock. Time goes by so damn slow. Yoon Joo-ho, with a sheet mask on his face, slipped his hands into the pockets of his gown and left the powder room.
He stopped in the middle of the bedroom and suddenly looked around the space. Was this room always this big…
He had lived alone for a long time. He had been uncomfortable with someone being in his house, had never let anyone into this bedroom, and had been more accustomed to and reassured by being alone. Now, even being apart for just one night made him feel so empty.
Empty? Yoon Joo-ho frowned.
To tell the truth, which he could never tell that guy, it wasn’t just emptiness. It was closer to anxiety.
He was anxious that he might not come back.
He was anxious that he might say that he couldn’t meet with his senior, even if it meant making his grandparents suffer.
Yoon Joo-ho himself couldn’t understand this psychology of endlessly worrying even though he knew that he was a guy who would never leave him no matter what. Well, as some counselor said, it was probably because his attachment relationships had been poorly formed since infancy.
He turned on the TV to chase away the unbearable silence. It had been a very long time since he had turned on the TV for this purpose. After setting the volume to 5, he grabbed the remote control and the script and went to the window. The moment he put the script down on the table, an alert rang, indicating that a message had arrived.
《What are you doing? Can you talk?》
The sender was ‘Canned Peaches.’
Yoon Joo-ho, who was just about to sit on the sofa in front of the table, inadvertently faced his face reflected in the black city and flinched in surprise. His face was grinning at just one short message. The face of a man whose mouth was reaching his ears after receiving a sudden message from someone he was deeply in love with. It was undeniably that kind of face.
How did I become this kind of guy…
Even as he said that self-deprecatingly, a smile continued to linger on his face. He peeled off the mask, threw it in the trash, turned off the TV, and called ‘Canned Peaches.’ He could hear Song Hyun-soo’s voice before the connection tone rang even twice.
“Is it okay for me to call you?”
He omitted the customary greeting of hello.
[Huh? What do you mean?]
“I thought I’d be banned from talking to Yoon Joo-ho.”
He could hear a forced, muffled laugh from the other end of the line.
[Are we high school students or something?]
“Even when you were a high school student, it wouldn’t have done any good to give you that kind of punishment, would it?”
[That’s true.]
Song Hyun-soo, who readily agreed, made a sound as if he was changing his posture.
[I’m getting ready for bed and lying down now.]
“Already?”
Yoon Joo-ho’s surprised eyes turned to the clock on the wall. It was only 10:10.
[It’s the countryside, and they’re elderly. This is the middle of the night for them.]
“Are they asleep?”
[I don’t know if they’re asleep, but they already went into their room a while ago. The lights are off too.]
“Where are you?”
[I’m lying down on a blanket in the living room. I’m bored.]
The word “bored” sounded cute for some reason, and Yoon Joo-ho laughed.
“Did anything happen after I left?”
[Um… just, well. I don’t think you have to worry.]
While rolling around on the blanket, Song Hyun-soo told him about the conversation he had with his grandmother. Meanwhile, Monroe, who had found his way into the bedroom, jumped onto Yoon Joo-ho’s lap. As he stroked the creature, Yoon Joo-ho listened to Song Hyun-soo’s story.
He didn’t have the conviction that there would be no more worries in the future, as he had said, but it seemed like he could have hope.
[I realized it while talking to my grandmother.]
“Realized what?”
[That I really love you a lot, senior.]
“……”
Yoon Joo-ho’s hand, which had been massaging Monroe’s forehead as if kneading it, stopped.
His heart was pounding as if he had been given a surprise kiss by a lover he had just started dating.
They kissed a lot, hugged a lot, and didn’t skimp on expressing affection, but they weren’t the kind of couple who mechanically or obligatorily, or as a greeting, repeated the words “I love you” several times a day.
That’s why Song Hyun-soo’s sincerity, which he had blurted out without any warning, made Yoon Joo-ho tremble.
Meow.
Monroe urged him to keep stroking him.
As he slowly stroked the creature’s forehead again, Yoon Joo-ho playfully said, hiding his agitation.
“So you didn’t know until now?”
Song Hyun-soo’s laughter was refreshing.
[I knew you’d say that, senior.]
A smile also appeared on Yoon Joo-ho’s face.
Hearing his laughter made him want to see him.
He wanted to see his face, relaxed and loose in front of him, acting childish and laughing. He wanted to hug him and tease him. He wanted to bite his neck and cheeks and bother him. He hated the fact that he wasn’t next to him terribly.
[Ah, senior, you were being so polite earlier, weren’t you? I thought you were someone else?]
As he stroked Monroe’s forehead a little wider, Yoon Joo-ho pressed the phone closer to his ear.
“I’m someone who’s been surrounded by adults and working since I was three years old.”
[I guess. You’re strict with your juniors, but I thought you were strangely respectful to adults.]
“When did you think that?”
Yoon Joo-ho asked with interest. He was curious about even the smallest thoughts that Song Hyun-soo had about him.