By Zephyria 
It felt like it hadn’t been that long. But so many things had changed because of one person, Song Hyun-soo.
Before, he had preferred comfort, not wanting anyone to try and change him.
He detested people who made demands and interfered. He had ended things without looking back, without regret. Yoon Joo-ho had never asked for anything from his partners either.
So why had he adopted Monroe, as Song Hyun-soo suggested? He had resolved never to get a pet again, and had kept that promise until now.
Why had it bothered him so much, whether he lived in a house with drafts letting in the wind, requiring air cap on the windows? How had he even thought of bringing it into his home?
Why had he been happy when Song Hyun-soo became more of the protagonist than him at his birthday party?
From the first time they met until now, everything had been uncharacteristic of Yoon Joo-ho.
He had allowed himself to be colored by Song Hyun-soo, drawing him deep into his life and letting him paint it with his own colors. A change that happened without him even realizing he was changing.
And now, he was staring at his phone, waiting for a single reply to a message, hanging on every moment. He couldn’t understand how things had become this way.
Yoon Joo-ho, staring intently at the chat window that refused to change to ‘read,’ sighed and got up from his chair. It was time to prepare to leave for the set. As he stood in front of the closet, about to take off his robe, the doorbell rang. It was his manager.
Standing at the door, he held an A4-sized cardboard box.
“What is it?”
Yoon Joo-ho asked as he took the box the manager handed him.
“A quick delivery for you, Hyung. It’s from Seoul?”
“Quick?”
“It’s probably for company business, right?”
Yoon Joo-ho stepped aside to let the manager in and shook the box. It wasn’t too heavy, nor too light. Based on the sound and weight alone, he couldn’t guess what was inside.
“What is this? You didn’t eat any of it again?”
The manager, discovering the untouched meal, was aghast.
“Hyung, you’re going to collapse at this rate. How are you going to film?”
“I’ll eat a protein bar.”
“I have to report this to the Director.”
Yoon Joo-ho, letting the manager’s words go in one ear and out the other, opened the box. Inside was a photo album, about the size of a notebook.
“……”
The inner pages, designed for him to paste photos and write comments as he pleased, were filled entirely with Song Hyun-soo.
Photos of Song Hyun-soo entering and leaving Yoon Joo-ho’s mansion were organized chronologically by date and time. The date and time of entry and exit from the mansion were meticulously recorded at the bottom of every photo. It included a photo of the two of them getting into Yoon Joo-ho’s sprinter after his birthday party ended, taken at the hotel parking lot. There was also a photo of Yoon Joo-ho buying an orange padding at a department store, and below it, a photo of Song Hyun-soo wearing that padding as he walked into the production company’s office for a script reading.
Each page was carefully preserved, making it look like something a couple would create to commemorate their time together.
“Ha.”
Yoon Joo-ho clicked his tongue, threw the photo album onto the bed, and ground his teeth.
“Seriously, are you trying to pick a fight?”
“Why, why, Hyung? Is there a problem?”
He almost chased the frightened-looking manager out of the room. Then, he immediately called Director Bang.
[Do you think starving yourself like this will make Hyun-soo-ssi come back…]
“They’re probably planning to use the gay rumors. Tell them it’s wishful thinking.”
Director Bang, who had received a text message from the manager reporting that he had left all his food untouched, was about to scold him as soon as he answered the phone, but Yoon Joo-ho cut him off.
[What? What are you talking about, you punk.]
“He sent me photos of Song Hyun-soo. Photos of him coming and going from my house.”
Director Bang, who finally understood Yoon Joo-ho was talking about his parents, immediately sounded tense.
[Are there any photos that could serve as decisive evidence?]
“Unless they installed cameras inside my house, do you think there would be?”
[Even if it can’t definitively prove the relationship, it can create trouble. That’s probably the goal.]
“If they’re going to label us gay with this little, then two-thirds of male actors in Korea would be gay. How often do you come to my house, Hyung? Are you gay too, then?”
[They’re probably just throwing whatever they can find at you.]
“To think they could threaten me with something like this. They must be quite cornered, huh? Are they going to go all out?”
[What should we do? Do you want to come straight to Lawyer Moon’s office?]
“Why?”
[We need to come up with a plan…]
“Do you think I’d abandon filming for such a flimsy threat?”
[I’m saying this because it seems they’re prepared to get dirty.]
“Song Hyun-soo is an actor I signed a contract with, and he stayed at my place temporarily because he didn’t have a proper place to stay. Now he’s staying at a friend’s place who’s close to me. If we were in a relationship, there would be no reason for him to leave my house and stay at my friend’s place, right? That explanation should be enough.”
Yoon Joo-ho added, glaring at his reflection in the mirror opposite the closet.
“Don’t tell Song Hyun-soo.”
[Don’t tell him?]
“It’s not a big deal, so why tell him? It would just make two people worry instead of one.”
[Are you… okay?]
“Okay with what?”
[……]
Instead of an answer, Director Bang’s deep sigh could be heard over the phone. Yoon Joo-ho sneered and opened the closet door.
“Are you okay with my parents resorting to tactics like this to bring me down?”
He picked out comfortable clothes to wear to the set and threw them on the bed.
“Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of worrying about that right now due to other matters.”
[Send me the photos you received. Anyway, I’ll meet with Lawyer Moon and discuss it.]
“If they want to threaten me, tell them to bring photos of us kissing passionately. With Song Hyun-soo looking sexy.”
[……]
“I’ll buy them for that price.”
After ending the call, he tossed his phone onto the bed. He took off his robe, put on his boxers over his bare body, and put on the clothes on the mattress one by one. These were clothes he hadn’t dared to wear outside the door while under his parents’ control. Even though he would change into prepared outfits once he arrived at the set, his parents had always insisted on him appearing perfectly dressed.
Going out in training pants and a padding jumper was an act of rebellion he had only experienced for the first time after meeting Song Hyun-soo.
While putting on black knit pants that fell straight, an oversized white t-shirt, and then layering a dark gray sweatshirt over them, Yoon Joo-ho’s expression remained impassive. However, his hand stopped as he reached for a black long padding from the closet. With his hands on his hips, he lowered his head and took a breath.
Announcing the intention to raise gay rumors was tantamount to declaring that the name Yoon Joo-ho, the value of Yoon Joo-ho as an actor, would be rendered useless.
He had been prepared to dig up each other’s dirt and fight since they sent the notice of claim. They were never people who would easily give up on the name Yoon Joo-ho and its worth.
Yet, somewhere deep down, perhaps he had still been hoping for something. That they wouldn’t fall that low. That their only child, who shared their blood, might eventually reach out to him at the very end.
[Are you… okay?]
He recalled Director Bang’s worried question. Straightening his bent back, he pulled the padding off the hanger and muttered.
“I wasn’t expecting anything, so how can I be disappointed?”
He simply wanted to be by Song Hyun-soo’s side. Like the time he drove to Song Hyun-soo’s house after meeting his parents at Lawyer Moon’s office. He had desperately needed his affection, trust, and warm lips.
At that time, Yoon Joo-ho had instinctively sought the safest place to hide, like a cornered animal, and rushed towards Song Hyun-soo without hesitation. To survive, to avoid being consumed by anger and misery and destroying himself, he had run towards him.
Looking out the car window as he headed to the set, Yoon Joo-ho thought.
What have I lost?
He sent a message to Song Hyun-soo as if nothing had happened, just like any other day.
《On my way to the set. I’ll see your face after a few days tomorrow.》
As if Song Hyun-soo had also been looking at the chat window at that moment, it showed as read immediately after he sent the message. Just that, just being in the same chat window at the same moment, made his heart pound. What kind of pure, unfitting devotion was this…
He rubbed his lips and stared intently at the chat window, then quickly typed the next message, fearing he might leave the chat.
《I want to be with you. Not tomorrow, but now.》
The second message also turned to ‘read’ immediately after being sent. Ironically, just that made him feel somewhat comforted by him.
What have I lost?