By Zephyria In the end, it took three to four times longer than usual to finish showering. However, compared to their usual sessions in the shower, this one was definitely shorter. Once Yoon Joo-ho started, he never finished ‘moderately.’ He would go at it until he saw the other person completely exhausted and limp. That was the same whether they were in the bathroom or in bed.
Is he really not feeling well?
Glancing at Yoon Joo-ho, who was drying his hair while wearing a robe, Song Hyun-soo felt a little guilty for doubting someone who was sick.
“Lie down quietly after you finish drying your hair. I’ll bring you some canned peaches.”
Yoon Joo-ho nodded obediently this time.
Checking the app on his phone, he saw that the canned peaches had already arrived at the front door. After confirming Monroe was sleeping soundly by the window, he brought the canned peaches and transferred them to a bowl.
When he returned to the bedroom, Yoon Joo-ho was sitting against the headboard, reading a script. The curtains, which Song Hyun-soo had left slightly ajar, were now tightly drawn again.
“Is Monroe still asleep?”
“Yes, he’s being quiet.”
“He acted like he’d never leave that room.”
“Hyung, don’t read your script and rest.”
Song Hyun-soo placed the tray on the nightstand and took the script from him.
“I’m lying down. How else can I rest?”
“You shouldn’t use your brain at times like this. Just eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Got it?”
Song Hyun-soo handed Yoon Joo-ho the small bowl of canned peaches and a fork.
“Eat this. I’ll get your medicine.”
“Medicine?”
“Take a general cold medicine and sleep.”
“Ah…”
“I think I saw some in the first-aid kit earlier.”
But when he returned with the medicine, Yoon Joo-ho was just holding the bowl of canned peaches.
“Why aren’t you eating? Try it. It used to be a special treat I could only have when I was sick.”
“I don’t even have the strength to hold a spoon.”
Yoon Joo-ho mumbled, his gaze dropping listlessly to the side. It was flawless acting, but Song Hyun-soo stood with his hands on his hips, looking down at him with a displeased expression.
“…If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable. So I can pretend to believe you.”
“What.”
“If you don’t have the strength to hold a spoon, how did your penis get hard? And so stiffly, too.”
“That was because you were so sexy earlier, my testosterone, oxytocin, and dopamine surged, giving me supernatural strength for a moment. Now I’m exhausted.”
Yoon Joo-ho went on at length, saying he wanted Song Hyun-soo to feed him the peaches.
Sighing, Song Hyun-soo removed the bowl and spoon, and instead offered him a pill and a glass of water.
“Take the medicine first.”
Yoon Joo-ho placed a small pill on his palm and scowled.
“Do you really hate one little pill that much, even as an adult?”
“I hate all medicine.”
“Aww, our Yoon Hyung-nim, did you not like it? Did the medicine make you feel bad?”
“I’ve seen many doctors for my insomnia. After taking medicine, I always felt nauseous, dizzy, and my condition hit rock bottom. But if I didn’t take it, I couldn’t sleep, which affected my work, so I had to force myself. While I might be able to sleep right after taking it, the drowsiness and grogginess would last until the next day… I felt like a drug addict. Later, I even developed sleepwalking, so I became afraid of falling asleep altogether. I’d stop, then start again, repeating it a few times until I just hated all medicine.”
“……”
Song Hyun-soo, who had teased him for being like a child who didn’t want to take medicine, wanted to smack himself.
“When did you start having trouble sleeping like that?”
“You?”
“For me, it’s been since Hong-seo left, of course. And you, Hyung?”
Yoon Joo-ho put the pill in his mouth. He emptied the entire glass of water to swallow that single small pill. As if he detested even the faint aftertaste the pill left.
Then, placing the cup on the nightstand, he replied tonelessly.
“I don’t even remember when it started. I grew up in an environment where I couldn’t sleep regularly. I could take naps while waiting in the car or traveling, but I couldn’t sleep when I lay down in bed at home.”
“Since you were little?!”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“No, it’s just… hearing that it’s been so long…”
He had clearly thought it started after ‘that person’ left. That he couldn’t sleep because of the loss of ‘that person.’ He remembered how that cold, growling and snapping man had even cried in his sleep, begging not to leave.
“How did you live like that?”
“Sang-ho Hyung sometimes says that if I had slept like normal kids, I would have been over two meters tall.”
Yoon Joo-ho chuckled.
Song Hyun-soo was so upset that he wanted to scold him for laughing. But Yoon Joo-ho himself was the one who had gone through that period, the one who had suffered the most. He couldn’t act more upset than the person who was talking about it with a smile.
Afraid he wouldn’t be able to control his expression, he picked up the bowl and spoon from the nightstand. Then, he cut a small piece of the soft, orange-yellow canned peaches with the spoon and offered it to Yoon Joo-ho’s lips.
As he ate, Yoon Joo-ho gazed intently at Song Hyun-soo’s face.
“What’s with your face?”
“What about it?”
“It looks completely rotten.”
“Is my face a banana left out at room temperature for over two weeks?”
“You don’t have to make that face.”
“Ah, you’re just so pitiful! That’s why.”
“Me?”
Yoon Joo-ho asked, sounding puzzled. It seemed he was surprised not because he disliked being called pitiful, but because he had never heard it before.
“I know exactly when you started your career and how you’ve been active. How much pain must you have been in, not being able to sleep properly for so long? Of course, you’re pitiful.”
He had tried not to show how upset he was.
He had tried to act composed because his hyung was trying to brush it off. But for someone like him, who had to show everything he liked and disliked, it wasn’t easy.
“Pitiful…”
Yoon Joo-ho quietly repeated the words, as if rolling the sound of a charming foreign language he had never heard before around his mouth.
“My grandmother used to say that too. That the Crown Prince was pitiful.”
“Your grandmother?”
Unable to bear looking at his face, Song Hyun-soo replied, looking only at the spoon cutting the peaches.
“She said there was a reason why her son, who had been obedient for 30 years without complaint, turned out like this. She said parents would die protecting their child, and that his parents were making him out to be a bad person by appearing here and there. That’s why she said he was pitiful.”
As he continued speaking, Song Hyun-soo’s emotions also welled up. He wondered who was more pitiful: himself, who didn’t even know his parents’ faces, or Yoon Joo-ho, who had famous parents but couldn’t receive their affection.
Swallowing a sigh, Song Hyun-soo cut another piece of peach and brought the spoon to Yoon Joo-ho’s lips. The actor Yoon Joo-ho, whom he had watched on TV since he was very young, sat on the bed looking fresh after his shower, waiting for the peaches he was feeding him.
There were still moments when the fact that they were dating felt unfamiliar. The lover Yoon Joo-ho and the actor Yoon Joo-ho didn’t perfectly align, and there were moments when they seemed to split into two, like a subject viewed through an unfocused lens.
Oh, this person is mine.
In such moments, his heart would race anew, and his spine would tingle with a feeling that went beyond excitement, almost to the point of fear. If Yoon Joo-ho were his child, he would carry him everywhere, not wasting a moment on the ground. How harsh must they have been to their son, whose only flaw was his personality?
“Are you pitiful of me too?”
Yoon Joo-ho asked, the sweetness of the peaches filling his mouth.
“When you were just an actor in a drama, Hyung, I thought you had everything. I thought you’d grant any unreasonable request, that you’d dismiss anyone you disliked with a mere gesture, living like a Crown Prince, no, like a king.”
Yoon Joo-ho chuckled as if hearing a child’s absurd fantasy about princes and princesses.
“But when I saw you up close, it wasn’t like that.”
“……”
“You’re right. If you had lived like that, it would have been impossible to maintain your position for nearly 30 years. Maybe for 3 years, but 30 years… it’s impossible. I guess I thought the world was cruel only to me, and easy for you.”
Song Hyun-soo confessed his inner thoughts, with a measure of apology.
He felt sorry for thinking his life was easy, seeing him laugh and act so casually on TV, unaware of the efforts he had put in to maintain his position for 30 years.
Yoon Joo-ho, who had been listening silently, said in a calm voice.
“Aren’t you going to give me more of that?”
“The peaches? Ah, of course. How is it? Delicious, right?”
When he fed Yoon Joo-ho another piece of yellow peach, Yoon Joo-ho ate it obediently.
“So, you pity me too?”
After a brief pause, Song Hyun-soo finally nodded.
“Yes. I pity you, Hyung. Me, a nobody from the bottom, pitying Yoon Joo-ho. It’s the biggest comedy.”
Yoon Joo-ho snatched the bowl and spoon from Song Hyun-soo, who was looking down and smiling bitterly. What was this? Was he angry that someone who had been an unknown actor for years pitied him?
Yoon Joo-ho placed the snatched spoils on the nightstand and pulled Song Hyun-soo’s arm. Song Hyun-soo, losing his balance, ended up leaning diagonally over his stomach.
“What are you doing? I’m heavy.”
Song Hyun-soo tried to get up, but Yoon Joo-ho instead wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him up higher.
“Putting you on my stomach won’t damage my organs.”
“Can’t you say things a little more prettily with that pretty mouth?”
“If I spoke prettily, could you handle it?”
He looked down at the face inches away and grinned.