By Zephyria 
The car drove between the flagship stores of luxury brands lining both sides of the road and passed the department store without stopping at a red light. Glancing at the side mirror to change lanes, Yoon Joo-ho said dryly.
“I think I’ve acted consistently from the beginning until now.”
In a way, it’s true. But I don’t think you have no interest in me. Never. Of course, there are obstacles between us.
The car stopped at a red light in front of the Apgujeong police substation. A few students crossing the crosswalk looked back at Yoon Joo-ho’s car and stepped back.
Looking at their young faces, Song Hyun-soo shifted his gaze to Yoon Joo-ho’s profile.
“The person who rejected you, sunbae.”
Sigh. Yoon Joo-ho gripped the top of the steering wheel with both hands and slumped forward, resting his forehead on it. It was a sigh of complete exhaustion with the recurring topic. Thump, thump. He hit his forehead on the steering wheel a couple of times with his hands, then suddenly turned to Song Hyun-soo. His eyes were sharp and gleaming.
“Do you really want to keep talking about this?”
“No, I don’t want to.”
“Then why are you st—”
“I don’t want to anymore. It only hurts to hear it.”
“…”
Yoon Joo-ho slowly sat up straight.
“I don’t want to know that you wanted someone that much. Because it hurts, and I’m envious, and I’m going crazy.”
He stared into Yoon Joo-ho’s increasingly furrowed eyes and pushed forward.
“But I really want to know. How amazing was that person, unlike me? Did they have even a tiny bit in common with me? Sometimes I feel like I’m not liking you, but that person. I’m curious to that extent.”
A short honk came from behind. Yoon Joo-ho, confirming the light had changed, twisted his jawline as he wiped it and started the car.
He was silent for a moment. Only after turning and entering the Seongsu Bridge did he finally speak.
“Your car will be ready from the script reading on Thursday. You can use it.”
It wasn’t the answer Song Hyun-soo had expected.
“Don’t avoid me. You understood what I said, right? That I like you… mff. Mmph.”
Yoon Joo-ho’s right arm shot out and covered Song Hyun-soo’s mouth. It wasn’t a light, playful touch, but a strong, forceful press, as if he were a kidnapper. The force was enough to press Song Hyun-soo’s head against the headrest.
“Think carefully. Do you really need to have this conversation?”
“…”
“You were just practicing acting with
There was no trace of casual playfulness in his voice.
“We had no problems, did we?”
The word ‘we’ from Yoon Joo-ho’s mouth sounded sweet, but when he remembered that it was just ‘us as people who do this,’ the sweetness quickly vanished, leaving a bitterness so intense it was painful to swallow.
Song Hyun-soo clenched his fist tightly under his bag on his lap.
So, even though you touch me often, look at me with fondness, and beg me to let you inside me… you won’t give me the position of a lover?
He pushed Yoon Joo-ho’s arm away as if to shake it off and glared at him.
“No.”
I will have you completely.
Not just your body, which flows with milk and honey, but also your wounded, fearful heart that likes human touch yet hesitates to give its body, and even your past.
“Ha. What is this?” Yoon Joo-ho sighed, as if exasperated. “I think there’s a possibility, not zero.”
“Not zero possibility?”
“When I see how you act towards me, it seems that way.”
“Your thinking is so positive. I don’t even know where to begin pointing out the flaws.”
Shaking his head, Yoon Joo-ho rolled down the window slightly, searched for a cigarette, and after taking a few puffs, blew out the smoke and began his confession with a sigh.
“Yes, honestly, I have fun when I’m with you.”
“…”
“And I wonder about you when you’re not around.”
It was a completely unexpected direction. Song Hyun-soo was more surprised than if he had heard an extremely cruel rejection. His eyes widened, and his cheeks and lips twitched. He felt like he was about to burst into laughter.
“Then…”
As he grinned and leaned forward, Yoon Joo-ho, with a furrowed brow, pushed his forehead with the hand holding the cigarette.
“Listen to the end.”
“Can’t I just stop listening there?”
“What I mean is, I’m satisfied with the present. I have no complaints, and I want nothing more.”
“Then, does it not matter if I sleep with someone else?”
“…”
Yoon Joo-ho glared at him as if to scold him, asking why the conversation had taken such a turn. Then, he avoided his gaze, blew out smoke, and said, as if resigned.
“If you want to, then you should.”
It’s no different from saying he doesn’t want me to. Is he unaware of that, or does he know but just accepts it?
“I don’t really know what’s normal or ordinary. Nothing is more important than work. That’s probably why things always ended badly.”
“…”
“Failing to meet expectations, leaving me alone, hurting me, making me cry… constantly confirming that I’m a defective product with a decent appearance… my romantic relationships are only filled with such memories.”
Song Hyun-soo couldn’t take his eyes off Yoon Joo-ho as he spoke so calmly.
“I told you, didn’t I? Even if we dated, you wouldn’t last a month.”
“I won’t! We can test it to see if I can last or not!”
Yoon Joo-ho clicked his tongue, smiled bitterly, and stubbed out his cigarette.
“And I don’t think I can change.”
“Can’t I fix you? I’ll fix you!”
“…You’ll fix me?”
Song Hyun-soo nodded several times.
Yoon Joo-ho laughed incredulously, as if the words brought back a special memory. The laughter eventually disappeared, leaving a bitter aftertaste.
“No one can fix that.”
“Why? Because that person couldn’t fix it either?”
The gaze that turned back was cold.
“Think whatever you want. I’m telling you the facts, and whether you believe them or not is your choice. If our needs don’t match, there’s nothing we can do. I accept those who come, but I don’t hold onto those who leave.”
So indifferent… like he found a satisfactory partner for a night, but it’s a shame it didn’t work out…
When I got out of the passenger seat, you just said ‘good work’ and left. I always stood there watching your car drive away.
“That’s a lie.”
“What is.”
“Saying you don’t hold onto those who leave is a lie. The ones you didn’t hold onto were insignificant people you didn’t care about losing, and you clung to that person, didn’t you?”
He knew he had no right to say such things. He knew it would hurt not only Yoon Joo-ho but himself as well. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself.
“…”
He had hoped for a denial, but his silence was heavy and frightening.
He looked up at Yoon Joo-ho’s profile, which had turned cold.
“It’s true. It was true for that person.”
Song Hyun-soo’s voice trembled. He wiped his face several times with his palm, trying to hold back tears. He had known, and he had prepared himself for it, but the weight of it was becoming unbearable as his desire for him grew.
“Even if that were true, you have no right to criticize me for it.”
“I’m not criticizing you.”
He turned his gaze out the car window, his knuckles turning yellow as he clenched his fist tightly.
“I clearly told you from the start that I don’t date men. You came to my bed knowing that, so I took it as your agreement.”
“I know I don’t have the right to say this. But it hurts so much I feel like I’m dying, what am I supposed to do?”
“You think you’re different? That you can fix me?”
“I won’t get hurt and cry. I won’t do the things that make you think of yourself as a defective product!”
“You’re already getting hurt because of me?”
“…”
The navigation indicated seven minutes left until the destination.
“Pull over.”
“What?”
“We’re almost there anyway. Just pull over anywhere nearby.”
“Are you crying?”
Yoon Joo-ho reached out his right arm and brushed Song Hyun-soo’s hair off his forehead. The touch made his tears well up even more. He strongly pushed the hand away.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a reflex when I’m angry or frustrated. Just pull over.”
“How can I not worry!”
“Why would you care if someone worthless cries or dies!”
Even without Yoon Joo-ho pulling over, as they approached the intersection of Wangsimni Station, cars lined up at the red light. Yoon Joo-ho had no choice but to slow down.
Seeing Song Hyun-soo unbuckle his seatbelt, he sighed, trying to suppress his anger.
“You’re going on a business trip starting tomorrow. Do you really want to go like this?”
“Then what. Shall we share a passionate kiss before I go?”
At Song Hyun-soo’s provocation, Yoon Joo-ho’s expression instantly turned grim.
“There’s no reason why not.”
Shaking off his arm as he tried to grab the back of his neck roughly, Song Hyun-soo jumped out of the car as if leaping.
The appearance of a rare supercar drew curious gazes, wondering who was getting out of the passenger seat. But he couldn’t think of anything, let alone the exit feeling. Without even properly knowing the way, he just ran blindly into the nearest alley. The sound of car horns honking twice from behind him could be heard, but he didn’t look back.
Internet expert. He should have listened to them. There’s a reason for everything they tell you not to do.
Never confess first to an INTJ man.