DD 6.4 Back to the Sea

By nightfall, the snow had almost melted. Before the snowplows had come through, only the piles of snow people had stacked at the road’s edge remained, clumped here and there, looking grimy. It wasn’t much different from Korea.

As they had arranged, Lau was waiting in front of a shop undergoing renovation, a little distance from ‘Ttu’. Standing next to a matte silver car, he was smoking a cigarette, dressed in a light black cashmere knit and jeans, without an overcoat.

Lee Hyun quickened his pace, his gaze fixed on him. Perhaps he had been watching the entrance of ‘Ttu’ the whole time, as Lau, seeing Lee Hyun approaching diagonally across the narrow road, extinguished his cigarette and opened the passenger door to toss the butt into the car’s ashtray.

Standing before Lau, Lee Hyun glanced over his shoulder at the car and asked,

“Is this the CEO’s car?”

Lau paused for a moment before nodding.

The tinted car, though a luxury brand, was a common model in Paris, not a flashy, large sedan that particularly stood out. Lee Hyun felt a slight flush of heat on his face, guessing why he might have settled for this model when he could surely afford a higher one.

“Then why didn’t you wait inside? It’s cold.”

“I just came out for a cigarette.”

Lau, smoothing the collar of Lee Hyun’s coat, which was perfectly fine, couldn’t hide his smile.

“Is this the one?”

“…….”

As if he couldn’t wait for the introduction, a boy standing a couple of steps behind Lee Hyun suddenly stepped forward and whispered in Lee Hyun’s ear.

Lau, not hiding his curiosity about the boy’s identity, looked back and forth between the boy and Lee Hyun.

“Ah… this is Nicholas, from the same group. He said his boyfriend was coming to pick him up so he had to leave early, and he got curious and asked me to introduce him… This kid is so pushy…”

Unlike Lee Hyun, whose earlobes reddened and voice trailed off at the mention of ‘boyfriend,’ Lau’s face brightened considerably. He dropped his stern expression, readily offered his hand to Nick, and greeted him briefly in English.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Lau Wikun.”

Nick, however, hesitantly shook his hand, glancing at Lau as if assessing him.

Lau’s gaze briefly fixed on Nick’s shoulder, pressed close to Lee Hyun’s upper arm.

“Well… Hyung is handsome too.”

Lee Hyun chuckled, looking at Nick, who, despite clearly being intimidated by Lau, was trying to act cool.

“But Hyung, this person is suspiciously handsome. My father says people like that are either con artists or womanizers…”

“Nick, you promised to be polite.”

Lau, watching Lee Hyun with a curious expression as he lowered his voice to admonish Nick, naturally pulled Lee Hyun’s arm to his side and slung an arm around his shoulder.

“I’ll take the ‘suspiciously handsome’ comment as a compliment. But I can assure you, I’m definitely not a womanizer, though I can’t speak for the con artist part, so you probably don’t need to worry about that.”

Lau’s expression and tone were playful, but Nick couldn’t hide his embarrassment.

Nick, his face flushed, complained that Lee Hyun should have told him Lau spoke French. But Lee Hyun hadn’t known either, so he couldn’t have warned him. It occurred to him that there were still many things they didn’t know about each other.

“I said I’d just come to see your face. That’s enough, right?”

Lee Hyun turned Nick around and nudged his back in the direction of ‘Ttu’.

“Adieu!”

Nick, turning back to wave at Lau, tilted his head slightly and disappeared into the entrance of ‘Ttu’ as if fleeing.

Though Nick had been the one to overstep, Lee Hyun felt his own face growing warmer.

“I’m sorry. You must have been flustered.”

“He’s a teenager. And… he was saying it out of concern for Seo Yi-hyun, so…”

Lau shrugged as if it were nothing to worry about. Then, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans, he gently pulled Lee Hyun’s back and opened the passenger door for him.

He walked around to the driver’s side, got into the car, and said as he fastened his seatbelt.

“I’ve only ever known you as the younger brother, Seo Yi-hyun, so seeing you as the older brother, Seo Yi-hyun, is quite refreshing.”

“I’ll be twenty-four in a few days.”

“That’s right. Twenty-four.”

Before starting the engine, he turned his body to look at Lee Hyun. Reaching out, he gently brushed Lee Hyun’s bangs with his fingertips, murmuring “Twenty-four…” again under his breath.

“My foolish self completely missed the chance to spend Seo Yi-hyun’s twenty-third year with him.”

“…….”

As if waking from a dream, he looked at Lee Hyun, seeming to regret his words. Thinking he had made Lee Hyun feel heavy, he tried to change the mood by starting the engine and deliberately switching topics in a more cheerful tone.

“Nicholas, he’s a model, right? The third work in the series.”

“Uh… um. Yes.”

As he turned the steering wheel to make a right turn followed by another immediate right, Lau glanced back at Lee Hyun briefly.

“The works you’ve released. Even if I couldn’t buy them, I was keeping track of all of them.”

He had told himself to persevere, believing someone was watching his work from somewhere, but as with everything, he couldn’t be 100 percent sure. Yet, he truly had been watching.

Lee Hyun fiddled with the strap of his bag on his lap, gnawing on his lower lip.

“He must have had a difficult time after blooming as an Omega. He joined the group even though he’s still young.”

“You could tell he was an Omega… right away?”

Lau didn’t answer Lee Hyun’s question directly, instead gazing forward with a faint smile.

Inwoo had once said that Lau was an Omega detector more accurate than genetic analysis. Moreover, now that he had acquired substantial knowledge about Alphas and Omegas, Lee Hyun knew that even a Golden Alpha like Lau could distinguish the gender of their counterpart with almost no failure, even without pheromones.

He now understood why Lau had consistently mistaken him for an Omega. The scents Lau had revealed to him at some point in the past, when his words were still so stiff. That those scents themselves were an expression of his interest and attraction towards him.

The models for the series were all people discovered through ‘late blooming.’ People who had once considered themselves monsters and had plunged into the depths of despair.

Last early autumn, Nick finally revealed his blooming to his family. Since then, he had been estranged from his father, but recently, changes had finally begun to occur. Bobo’s considerable efforts were instrumental in that process. Nick’s rigid father was slowly making an effort to learn about Alphas and Omegas. And as a small fruit of their mutual efforts, Nick had attended the party today with his family.

Nick’s father had looked tense throughout the party, but he seemed somewhat relieved after meeting male Omegas who appeared ‘normal men’ by his standards.

For someone who had lived his entire life classifying people only by male and female genders, and strictly defining masculinity and femininity within those categories, even in a world where Alphas and Omegas clearly existed, perhaps this was the best form of acceptance he could manage.

Finding solace in the fact that his son could at least appear male on the outside, he resigned himself to the current situation.

However, in hopes that a better environment might be established in a few years, for the next generation, groups like ‘late blooming’ and individuals were quietly and steadily doing their part, holding their ground.

As he spoke about such things calmly, the car had already left the Marais district and was driving alongside a canal to the left.

“Even though I was lingering around you here, I never pried for news about you from Yuni or followed you. I had no idea you were attending such a group.”

Lau, who had only received a brief explanation from Lee Hyun that morning, seemed deeply impressed, though he tried not to show it. It was likely because he had some idea why Lee Hyun had become a member of ‘late blooming.’

“Bobo helped me a lot not just with adapting to the group, but with my life in Paris too. Kun came from Seoul, so I said I had to leave a bit early… Actually, Bobo wanted to see Kun too. Why didn’t you come with us…?”

“I know. You should have invited me.”

“I thought you might be uncomfortable… And today, your eyes were like that, CEO.”

“Well, my eyes are unavoidable… but still, if I could be introduced to the people who are building relationships and influencing the current Seo Yi-hyun, I would be honored.”

Lau, who still hadn’t completely shed his bewildered expression, didn’t seem to be speaking empty words.

Unlike using public transport, it took less than twenty minutes to get from ‘Ttu’ to ‘The Hands.’ The rapidly decreasing distance was regrettable.

It was late, so the road in front of ‘The Hands’ was already packed with parked cars. Even after temporarily parking in the entrance of the nearest alley, neither of them was eager to get out of the car.

After fiddling with each other’s hands, turning towards one another and delaying the moment, Lee Hyun realized that Lau wouldn’t be the one to suggest anything first.

“Would you like to… come up for a bit?”

Lau’s eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Is that okay? Aren’t you tired?”

“Are you tired?”

“……No.”

Lau smiled and shook his head at Lee Hyun’s question. As long as they were together, they had no time to feel tired due to their excitement.

In just about ten minutes, the two of them got out of the car. Lau put on his coat and walked towards Lee Hyun, who was standing on the sidewalk. The alley was less populated and had more snow than the one in Marais where ‘Ttu’ was located. It was narrow, so it didn’t get much sunlight.

Stopping in front of Lee Hyun, Lau took Lee Hyun’s bare hands and caressed the back of them.

“I always worried because you never wore a scarf or gloves. It pained me.”

“…….”

Knowing he was talking about Lau watching him from hiding, Lee Hyun lowered his gaze and smiled.

“It’s not that cold here in winter, so it was fine.”

He could almost see Lau’s past moments of pain, blaming himself even for the cold he felt.

When he looked up again, Lau gently pulled the hand he was holding and drew closer. Their noses touched first, and then their lips met cautiously. Their lips were warm, having just been in the car. As Lee Hyun gripped his hand tightly, Lau tilted his head and their lips met more deeply. His shoulders tensed at the ticklish sensation of their mucous membranes rubbing together.

Lau’s pheromones flared intensely for a moment at the low groan that escaped Lee Hyun’s throat.

Simultaneously, Lau’s body stiffened. He pressed his lips firmly one last time, like a seal, then straightened his back and stroked Lee Hyun’s lips with his thumb.

“Hmm, shall we go.”

His face, covering his mouth with a lightly clenched fist and clearing his throat, looked awkward. He seemed like an awkward, clumsy boy trying to hide the arousal he felt, which was unfamiliar and intriguing to Lee Hyun.

Perhaps because Lee Hyun looked up at him a little too intently, Lau pulled his hand towards ‘The Hands’ and bit his lower lip as if hiding his shyness. Even the smile trapped between his lips reminded Lee Hyun more of an immature boy than a skilled adult man.

A chuckle escaped Lee Hyun.

“Why. Why are you laughing, huh?”

He grabbed Lee Hyun’s arm and hugged his waist as if to tickle him.

“Because… you laughed first, CEO.”

Lee Hyun twisted his body, grabbing Lau’s shoulder. It tickled. As it was late at night, he bit his lip to avoid laughing too loudly. Bending his upper body as much as possible, Lee Hyun finally escaped Lau’s arms, adjusted the slipping shoulder strap of his bag, and pulled Lau’s hand, walking backward towards ‘The Hands.’ Lau followed willingly. They didn’t take their eyes off each other for even a moment.

“Seo Yi-hyun! CEO!”

“…….”

It was a familiar voice, and an unexpected situation. Lee Hyun stopped walking and turned his body towards ‘The Hands.’ Yuni was on the stairs, waving. Michelle was with her.

Lee Hyun’s mind became a jumble for a moment, and he looked back at Lau behind him. It seemed… too big to hide. Instinctively, he tried to let go of the hand they were holding, but Lau instead tightened his grip, pressing their palms together. Then, pulling Lee Hyun, he stepped forward.

It wasn’t as if they had done anything wrong, nor was it that Yuni was completely unaware of their previous relationship. But the story they had to explain was too long.

Lau had explicitly said that no one knew he had been traveling between Paris and Seoul. Furthermore, Yuni clearly believed that his relationship with Lee Hyun had at least temporarily ended.

So, he was at a loss as to where and how to explain this situation: suddenly appearing and walking hand-in-hand with him, flirting on the night street (he knew it would look like nothing more than that to outsiders).

“Are you coming back from ‘Ttu’?”

“Uh… y-yes.”

But Yuni, smiling at Lee Hyun as if she understood everything and that it was all for the best, reacted as if she knew everything that was happening. She showed no surprise at Lau’s sudden appearance. It was as if she and Michelle were reacting as if Lau often brought Lee Hyun to the front of ‘The Hands.’

“Michelle, right?”

“Yes, hello.”

“I wanted to formally arrange a meeting, but it’s nice to see you like this. Nice to meet you.”

Lau and Michelle, who introduced themselves without needing prompting, exchanged a few jokes about Yuni and laughed. They weren’t malicious jokes. But perhaps worried that Lau might reveal her hidden past to Michelle if his playful side took over, Yuni pushed Lau’s shoulder, turning him around, and nudged his back towards the stairs.

“Now, let’s not interrupt each other’s dates. You go on ahead.”

Lee Hyun, who had been chuckling at the two of them, shared a kiss with Michelle and went up the stairs. He was bewildered about how things were unfolding, but he was relieved that the situation had passed without awkwardness.

Lee Hyun opened the door with his key, with Lau standing beside him, waving at Michelle below. While many old Parisian apartments were starting to install door locks on their ground-floor entrances, ‘The Hands’ still insisted on using keys.

Pushing the heavy ground-floor door inward, Lee Hyun gestured for Lau to come inside. Lau entered the lobby with a slightly tense expression. As he slowly walked towards the center of the dimly lit hall, he carefully looked around. It was late at night, so all the exhibition room doors were locked, and the small lobby didn’t offer much to look at.

Lee Hyun put his hands in his coat pockets and tugged at Lau’s elbow as he stared blankly at the closed door of the main exhibition room.

“There’s nothing to drink in the rooms. We have a shared kitchen on the second floor. Let’s stop by for a moment.”

Because two rooms had been combined and expanded, the kitchen, which was not heated, was as chilly as outdoors.

While Lee Hyun turned on the light and took out a Post-it note and pen from his bag to write,

‘Ben, I’ll borrow two beers.’

Lau looked around the simple kitchen with interest.

After finishing the note, Lee Hyun took two cold beers from the refrigerator and attached the Post-it note next to the handle.

“You seem close with people.”

He said, having suddenly come up beside Lee Hyun and scanning the note with his eyes, while reading the kitchen usage rules posted on the wall.

“We’ve become close. I’ve been here for over a year.”

“Hmm.”

Perhaps he had been worried about Lee Hyun’s unsociable personality. Even though Yuni had come with him, she couldn’t follow him around like a guardian all the time. He might have suffered more, imagining Lee Hyun unable to mingle with people, unable to be absorbed into the city, and feeling lonely and adrift.

His worries were just worries, and he seemed considerably relieved by the fact that Lee Hyun was doing well enough to be flexible enough to borrow beers by leaving a note. In the past, Lee Hyun would have chosen not to drink anything at all. That was the truth.

However, for quite a while, he couldn’t take his eyes off the memo, and on the other hand, he had a somewhat complicated expression. It wasn’t because it was bitter that Lee Hyun adapted well and lived alone, but rather it was the regret of not being able to share that time.

Despite the long gap, the emotions felt by the other party have been conveyed more intimately than before. Therefore, Lee Hyun did not feel the need to verbally comfort him.

“Let’s go up.””Pulling the sleeve of his coat, which he couldn’t easily take a step from, Lee Hyun whispered.

The apartment was quieter than usual. While Lee Hyun was opening the door, Lau was standing closely beside her with two bottles of beer in one hand, resting his hand on her shoulder. I felt like a college student who secretly brought a date to the dorm. No, I was even more nervous than that. Because it was him.

“It’s shabby and small compared to the studio that the CEO prepared in Seoul.””

“…….”Still, everything I need is provided, and I’ve been doing well enough here…” Don’t feel sad after watching.”With the doorknob pulled slightly forward, Lee Hyun looked up at him to receive a promise in advance.” He seemed to be trying to make an excuse, his lips twitching, but soon relaxed his shoulders and nodded.

As the two of them entered the room together, the floor creaked under their weight. The narrow and long rectangular room, from the door to the window directly in front, allowed for a full view of the entire space when standing in front of the door.

“Maybe it’s because there aren’t many furniture or belongings.” It’s wider than I thought?”He was pacing around the room without even taking off his coat, deliberately speaking in a cheerful voice.” However, Lee Hyun couldn’t help but notice that he was upset.

“So this was the room.””Standing in front of the desk, he bent down and looked out under the window, muttering to himself.” Standing inside the alley so as not to be caught, looking up at this building, perhaps he was guessing which window belonged to Lee Hyun.

I pulled over a backless auxiliary chair that I had leaned against the wall and sat down side by side, using the desk as a table. Since there was no coaster, the wooden desk quickly had a round water mark in the shape of the beer bottle.

“Actually, I met Uni before going to pick up Mare.””Ah….”I wanted to talk to you first because I think you might be flustered if a similar situation happens again.” I didn’t expect such a situation to come so quickly.He smiled while looking back at Lee Hyun, took a sip of beer, and cleared his throat. As he focused on the long, neat fingers that were stroking the surface of the beer bottle, Lee Hyun waited for the next words.

“After not seeing each other for a year, as soon as we met, we skipped the greetings and they immediately asked me what on earth happened between us.”He held a beer bottle in one hand, stroking the neck of the bottle with his thumb as he chuckled.

“That guy probably didn’t ask you anything at all.” I am worried that it might touch a wound. Sometimes when we talked on the phone, I would indirectly ask if you really wouldn’t come to Paris, but I couldn’t delve directly into our relationship.It was as he expected.

“Detailed….” I didn’t talk about changing. I think it’s right to talk about it after getting your consent. Just briefly… I told you that I didn’t deserve to come see you because I made a very big mistake.”Lee Hyun nodded heavily. I could sense his intention to correct the vague term ‘detailed discussion’ to ‘changing’ precisely, showing his determination not to downplay his own mistakes.

He pulled his hand away from the beer bottle and roughly rubbed his face with his damp palm. And then she sighed and let her hands droop.

“Are you two dating again?” Uni is asking like that…”

“…….”That word made my heart flutter.”He chuckled mockingly, as if feeling guilty even about experiencing excitement.

His conflict has been conveyed directly from right beside him. Lee Hyun hesitated and opened his mouth.

“If I say this, it might sound a bit like I’m showing off…””

“…….”I know how much the CEO wanted to come and see me.””Rau turned his head towards Lee Hyun and leaned his upper body slightly.”

“I would have wanted to directly check and own the paintings I drew here.” Before being someone who loves me, you were… the one who understood my paintings the most deeply.”Staring at the moisture left on the desk, Lee Hyun bit his lower lip gently.” I couldn’t help but recall the days when I sat in front of this desk, trying to alleviate some of my longing by smoking the same kind of cigarette he smoked.

“You must have wanted to come find me, look at my face, and apologize countless times for forgiveness.” That’s why…”Even though I could feel Lau’s gaze focused on me, I couldn’t bear to meet it as my emotions seemed to swell up quickly.”

“I couldn’t ask for forgiveness, I couldn’t say I love you… I had to just wait, having given up every chance to persuade you that I wanted to start over… Those times, for you, must have been a kind of punishment… I know.”Having finished speaking, Lee Hyun took a deep breath as if he had just overcome a difficult hurdle.

The shock and sadness that had stirred up the sediment and clouded my inner self are gradually finding their original transparency, until I can clearly look at what future I truly desire. I have thought about it for a long time.

What allowed me to endure that time was, amusingly, the certainty and belief that Lau was also missing me with the same feelings and was going through this time.

Lee Hyun, as if to solidify his determination, pressed his lips together tightly and then lifted his head towards him.

Like someone who had always been there, the blue eyes that had returned to normal were looking only at themselves. I didn’t rush you as if I were going to die, nor did I cling to you saying I love you.

Thank you for waiting.”

“…….There was no change in expression on Lau’s face. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel anything; rather, it was quite the opposite.

Rau slowly and carefully looked into each of Lee Hyun’s eyes. As before, the same habits.

He struggled to swallow dry saliva as if he were swallowing several pills at once, and opened his parched lips.

“I received an alpha designation and was almost simultaneously identified as a ghost… Training began to learn how to control myself and manage my desires.” Not only was I an Alpine, but I was also a ghost, so I could be a threat to others. No matter how much the adults around them treat them with affection, if they spend their formative years focusing only on suppressing themselves and minimizing their desires… they inevitably come to doubt the value of their own existence, even unconsciously.Although his voice had no inflection as if it were an unremarkable story, Lee Hyun focused intently, even holding his breath.

“Even if I have no intention of harming others… if they were to know my true self, they would inevitably want to avoid me…””As if gazing at a past where he had to separate himself from the world due to an ‘ability’ he never wished for, he shifted his posture and refreshed his attitude, casting a blurred gaze through the translucent green bottle.”

“It doesn’t mean that such training was unfair or unnecessary.” It was rather essential and an unavoidable choice. In fact… being able to turn a beta into an omega can pose a serious threat to the other party.”From the moment I was revealed to be a ghost, I moved to a new place, suspended my school life, and tried to maintain only minimal relationships with a few close associates… but the thing I feared the most and wanted to avoid ultimately happened.”

Perhaps to him, she thought that she could become evidence of failure that he did not want to face. Of course, I know that he would never think that way. However, if you add a bit of selfishness that tries to portray yourself as a victim, such a mindset is also entirely possible.

“It’s just that, as those times flowed in one direction and accumulated within me… eventually, it became a story where I, rather than the world, came to see myself as a ghost.”Faintly, he smiled bitterly and took a few sips of beer. A heavy droplet that had formed was sliding down the surface of the bottle and fell onto his jeans. The siren sound, with an ominous aftertaste, appeared from somewhere far away and faded further into the distance.

Lee Hyun looked down at the deep mark left on his thigh by the raindrop.

“I wonder what Awi thinks about succumbing to pheromones… Do you know how strictly he has controlled himself since his boyhood to avoid that?””At the time when I heard Inwoo say that during a drinking session at a Spanish-style pub, I did not know what it meant.” Alpha that suppresses pheromones. I was ignorant of how much patience was needed there. They may have thought it was as simple as turning a switch on and off.

I now knew that the extreme drowsiness was similar to the pain of enduring hunger. There was a scholar who compared the pain of having to suppress a sudden urge to defecate during a stomachache.

Wanting to earn more money or have a more attractive appearance… This was not a secondary desire; for the alpha and omega, pheromones were a matter of instinct and survival.

“I know that you are someone who has fought desperately against pheromones to protect your own sense of humanity.” So… I was able to forgive Awi’s mistake.”Lau’s eyes, facing Lee Hyun, shook violently.” It felt like witnessing an unbelievable phenomenon right in front of me.

“The fact that I was changed by pheromones is not the true nature of a person named Lau Wiqun, but rather a mistake made in a moment of losing direction and being blinded…” As time passed and I looked back calmly, I was able to see the situation more accurately. Wielding pheromones as a weapon and an excuse… Lau Wikun was at least not that kind of person.”Now he parted his lips, shook his head, and narrowed his eyes.”

“What we talked about in Boston… the reason the representative is different from others.” The reason I have felt a loneliness that seems like it cannot be accepted by anyone… It’s not just because it was Alpha, but also because it was a ghost…”Regardless of the mistakes he made, the thought of the loneliness that the person he loved had to bear heavily throughout their life made Lee Hyun’s voice tremble slightly.” However, I did not want it to seem like a decision made in a weakened state of mind, led by emotions. It was not true.

Lee Hyun lowered his head.

“…….”Lau pulled the chair closer and approached.” And she gently placed her hand over Lee Hyun’s hand, which was carelessly laid on the table. I inserted my finger into the loose gap between my thumb and index finger, lightly gripping it, and covered the entire back of my hand with my damp palm.

Seeing his face, Lee Hyun felt that she could no longer hold back her tears, so she focused her consciousness only on the two hands that were stacked together.

“Actually… when I heard Yuni’s words about getting back together, I felt excited, but… that wasn’t everything.””

“…….His story, which started in an unexpected direction, made Lee Hyun tense.

“At the same time as feeling excited, there was an uncomfortable sensation clattering in my heart.”His hand, which had been gently covering the back of his hand, grasped Lee Hyun with a little more strength. I could feel his breath, which swelled up his chest and then slowly extinguished with a tremor.

“I was prepared to wait longer… Even though what happened last night and the fact that I’m here with you now still doesn’t feel real… that doesn’t mean I spent the time without imagining a future with you.” Even if you do not accept me, the statement that I belong to you has become more solid within me than before, and it has also become clearer that my love for you is unrelated to the tricks of pheromones.He reached out his left arm, which did not hold Lee Hyun’s hand, and placed his hand on his shoulder as if asking him to look at him. With a slight pulling force inward, Lee Hyun tensed his body and slowly looked at him.

“After properly inserting it, you know that it is impossible to suppress the changing by human effort, and that it is impossible between you and me.” The weight of your determination to decide on the revival of our relationship, even knowing that, is… beyond what I can dare to measure. It’s not just a matter of forgiving me and making the past disappear. Isn’t it insufficient to define such a relationship simply as dating? That’s what I thought.”Despite his efforts to remain calm, it seemed that some strange excitement was gradually surrounding him layer by layer.” He paused for a moment and took a breath.

Lee Hyun’s right shoulder overlapped behind his left shoulder. It was close enough to feel his ragged breath on the left temple. The hand that was resting on the shoulder gently stroked Lee Hyun’s chin. His heart was beating strongly.

“It’s like… describing a boyfriend as just a friend; that word… didn’t feel quite right for us.”With the hand that had been stroking the tip of his chin, Lau brushed aside the bangs that had fallen down and fiddled with Lee Hyun’s hand, which he was still holding on the table.

“It might sound selfish, but if my Didi had been someone other than you, and if I had to see myself breaking down over someone who isn’t worth loving and whom I don’t love, I… wouldn’t have been able to endure it.” If everything that has been devoted to effort since the manifestation becomes nothing but scraps of paper due to a meaningless opponent…”Rau shook his head while bowing his head.” And then I looked back at Lee Hyun again.

“You are the one who makes my defenses powerless… I really appreciate it.” There are so many reasons why it has to be you for me.The presence of the other person, which cannot be fully captured in a single word of love, was something beyond a simple emotion. It is true that there were mistakes and that I felt disappointed. However, they were desperately needed for essential fulfillment and happiness. It was also an undeniable fact.

Unlike those who love without any reason, there were so many reasons for us to love each other, reasons that made it inevitable.

Lee Hyun firmly grabbed Rao’s hand, which was brushing over his own hand with the thumb. I felt like I understood what he meant when he said that defining our relationship as dating felt insufficient. After dating a little, if it still seems like it won’t work out, then I would decide on a complete breakup at that time… It’s also true that I didn’t choose to revive the relationship with that mindset.

Looking back, he never made me upset by not understanding my feelings.

“Until I met the representative, my response to my father’s silence was silence.” If I now have the strength to face the situation properly, even from a distance, it’s because of you, CEO.”To be able to draw again was equivalent to being able to live again.” It was Lau who gently lifted the silence surrounding me, allowing me to rise and walk back into the world, creating things I wanted to say and express.

A person who gave the most difficult task of having to forgive what cannot be forgiven, but also gave the gift that was most urgent to oneself. Strange person.

Perhaps to Lau, he might be such a being.

A invincible beast living alone within high and sturdy walls, ensuring no connection with anyone.

Imagining the appearance of a beast sweating and flustered at the arrival of an invader who lightly breaks through one side of the castle wall, known to be the strongest in the world that no cannon or general can penetrate, Lee Hyun chuckled.

He looked deeply into her face with a curious expression, wondering about the sudden laughter. Rau was also smiling, not knowing the reason, perhaps because Lee Hyun was smiling. Lee Hyun shook his head while cupping his cheek.

They were intruders from a strange land to each other. Brought the gift of what was needed the most.

■ ■ ■

Like any other gallery in Paris, ‘The Hands’ is also hosting a party for the Christmas season, but most of the attendees at the party on the night of the 24th were single individuals living apart from their families. The reason is that Christmas in France is still strongly perceived as a holiday spent with family.

“At this rate, it’s no different from last year.””Anyway, if I can drink for free, it doesn’t matter at all, does it, Ben?””Jun shrugged at Ben’s complaints.”

“What do you see me as, a delicate artist like me?”Ben protested.

“Is it a party just because there’s alcohol and music? The way gazes probe each other, the sexual tension that crackles between them! That’s missing. How could that possibly arise between people who see each other every day?”

“You call that sensitivity…”

Unfazed by Jun’s grimace and the click of his tongue, Ben was busy looking around the exhibition hall, which had been transformed into a party venue.

Contrary to Ben’s grumbling, most of the people filling the exhibition hall were new faces. Besides the small-time patrons invited by the gallery and frequent visitors, there were quite a few who had purchased tickets and come on their own.

‘The Hands’ parties were quite popular among artists around the Canal Saint-Martin and Paris hipsters.

“Seo Yi-hyun, Lee Hyun.”

“Huh? Yeah?”

“That person who just came in, isn’t he good-looking? What are you thinking so hard about?”

Turning back to Ben, who was shaking his shoulder, Lee Hyun ran a hand down his face. He had merely lost the thread of conversation due to tension; he wasn’t actually thinking about anything in particular.

“You’ve been looking at your watch since earlier. Don’t think about leaving early this year. This time, I’m definitely going to keep you here until you’re drunk… Oh, God.”

Ben, who had his arm around Lee Hyun’s shoulder, stopped talking and looked up to the heavens.

“My sexual tension, it’s right there.”

As Ben muttered this, Rau was by the entrance where his gaze was fixed. Lee Hyun moistened his lips with the remaining wine in his hand.

“How did that man get here? What, he seems to know Reed? Was he one of the patrons? He looks anything but ordinary luxury… Why would someone like that be at a ‘The Hands’ party, on a day like this?”

Ben muttered rapidly, his arm squeezing Lee Hyun’s neck almost as if to choke him. He seemed far more flustered than usual.

“He’s coming this way? Did he recognize me, perhaps?”

“Ben… Uh, that’s not it…”

Lee Hyun tried to explain, but Ben didn’t seem to hear him anymore. Ben quickly tidied his appearance and downed the remaining half glass of wine in one gulp.

Rau, approaching with a smile spread across his face, had his eyes fixed on only one person. As he closed the distance, it became increasingly clear who his gaze was directed at.

“Merry Christmas. You look especially handsome today.”

Rau stopped in front of Lee Hyun, lightly embracing his waist and kissing his cheek. Glancing sideways at the strangely contorted faces of Ben and Jun, who were filled with surprise and shock, Lee Hyun bit his lower lip. He didn’t dislike his touch. But he couldn’t help his face turning red.

Gently pushing Rau’s chest away, Lee Hyun cleared his throat with a cough.

“This is Rau Wikun. My… boyfriend from Seoul.”

Ben and Jun’s eyes widened even more than before. If Ben hadn’t already finished his glass, he might have spilled his wine.

“And these two are… Ben and Jun, who are staying together at ‘The Hands’.”

Rau, who had been standing close, his arm lightly around Lee Hyun’s waist, reacted quickly when Jun was introduced.

“Ah, Jun! The one staying in the next room… Nice to meet you.”

“Hyung… talked about me?”

“He did mention he had a younger brother from Hong Kong staying in the next room, but you look younger than I imagined. To be receiving support from ‘The Hands’ at such an age, your skills must be incredible.”

He knew well that being called young wasn’t a compliment for boys Jun’s age. Lee Hyun got the impression that he was deliberately emphasizing Jun’s young age. Yet, there was no hint of mischievous playfulness in his gentle smile.

“Hello. I’m Ben Schweiger. Fancy meeting you here again.”

“…What?”

Before the awkward handshake between Jun and Rau, who had frozen stiff, could finish, Ben butted in between them.

“Uh… Ben… saw Kun a few times at the cafe by the canal.”

“Ah…”

After hearing the explanation from Lee Hyun, Rau nodded as if he understood what had happened and shook Ben’s hand.

“He said he had a boyfriend, but he never showed up for over a year, so we thought Lee Hyun was just making it up. We thought he was trying to block any romantic possibilities by saying he had a partner, so he could focus on his art.”

At Ben’s words, Rau looked back at Lee Hyun with an expression that seemed to say, ‘Is that so?’. Lee Hyun, pretending not to notice his gaze, tilted his glass to swallow the last sip of wine.

“Of course, I’m not the kind of closed-minded person who thinks possibilities are blocked just because someone has a partner.”

Rau let out a silent laugh at Ben’s added remark.

No matter how casually Ben acted, Lee Hyun knew well that he wasn’t the type to make a move on someone who was already taken, especially not on his own boyfriend. However, Ben’s attitude, not being as teasing as he was with his usual targets, bothered him.

“If it’s not too much to ask… what do you do…?”

“I run a gallery in Seoul. It was also the gallery Lee Hyun was affiliated with before coming here. I worked with Yuni too.”

Seizing the opportunity, Rau naturally took out a case from his inner pocket and handed business cards to the two men.

“Actually, there’s no one more trustworthy than a lover to entrust one’s work to. Not to mention their understanding of the art and respect for the artist… As you well know, there are so many sharks in this business looking to exploit others. It’s the best partnership. As a fellow artist, I envy Lee Hyun.”

Ben said this after examining the business card with a serious gaze, then smiled at Lee Hyun, not Rau.

“But don’t lovers usually want to spend days like this alone? Especially if they haven’t seen each other in a while…”

“Well, honestly, I did want to.”

Rau answered immediately to Jun’s words, which were muttered as if to himself.

Feeling the surprised gazes of Ben and Jun turn towards him once more, Lee Hyun tried to escape the awkwardness by drinking, but his glass was empty.

They probably thought his relationship was blandly simple, and boringly indifferent. That he would choose someone similar as a partner.

“But it’s also meaningful to be present at an important event for Lee Hyun. Well… we do have separate plans for spending time alone later.”

He tightened the arm around Lee Hyun’s waist and pressed his lips to Lee Hyun’s cheek. The kiss, which felt more intimate than a greeting, made Ben and Jun pretend to drink their wine and look away.

“Hey, wine… shall I get you some? We only have one kind, so there’s no choice, but…”

“It’s fine. I can drink later… Stay with me a little longer.”

Rau kissed his temple and whispered without lifting his lips. The hands that had been around his waist clasped at his sides, trapping Lee Hyun within his embrace.

It wasn’t a formal party, so that level of intimacy, or even more, wasn’t uncommon. Based on last year’s experience, intense foreplay, bordering on sex, was expected to unfold in various corners of the exhibition hall within the next hour.

But having rarely revealed their relationship in front of others, Lee Hyun felt his body stiffen.

“Think of it as when we’re alone. No one’s watching.”

His whisper was sweet.

He didn’t want Rau to notice the slight shiver that ran down his neck from the refreshing breath tickling his cheek, the chest against his shoulder, and the gentle, low voice.

But… Rau’s words that no one was watching weren’t true. Jun, and even the free-spirited Ben, kept stealing glances this way.

“Excuse me, sorry to interrupt your conversation…”

“……”

Lee Hyun turned his head to the left, where the voice had come from.

Someone cautiously stepped into the frame, forming a 2-on-2 composition with Ben and Jun facing Lee Hyun and Rau. A couple, appearing to be in their early thirties, around Rau’s age.

Naturally, all eyes turned towards them, and Rau also stepped back slightly from Lee Hyun.

“You’re Lee Hyun from the series, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a pleasure. I’m a fan of your work.”

“Ah… Hello. Thank you.”

Lee Hyun’s ears turned bright red as he shook hands. His neck, half-exposed beneath his hair, which had grown longer since he first left Seoul, was also red, as if stimulated by the sun.

Rau’s gaze, which had been lingering on Lee Hyun’s earlobe and the back of his neck, now shifted to Ben and Jun. As if it wasn’t uncommon to see Lee Hyun embarrassed by meeting a fan, the two men struggled to suppress their laughter.

Although the remaining three people and the couple briefly introduced themselves, the conversation naturally flowed between the couple and Lee Hyun.

“Actually, we go to many exhibitions, but we’ve never really thought about buying art before. We weren’t in a financial position to do so. But your work was the first painting that made us feel like we wanted to hang it in our living room.”

Lee Hyun didn’t show a strong reaction to the woman’s words, but a soft gasp escaping his slightly parted lips indicated he was deeply moved.

“Your work is so popular that we’ve always missed the opportunity to own it, but we always visit the gallery to admire your new releases. I personally liked your most recent work so much that I came to see it nearly ten times during its exhibition period.”

“Hearing that makes me truly happy. Thank you… so much.”

The couple, who introduced themselves as ordinary office workers who worked together at an architecture firm, briefly shared their personal and honest impressions of Lee Hyun’s work. Lee Hyun was more serious listening to them than when reading the pretentious, obscure, and academic critiques published in famous art magazines. This was because the people Lee Hyun wanted to talk about art with were those in the streets and neighborhoods, rather than those in magazines.

“We’ve been living together for seven years and plan to get married next year. Our goal is to hang a piece by Lee Hyun in our new home after we move for the marriage, so please wish us luck.”

“Wow… Congratulations on your wedding.”

At Lee Hyun’s words, the couple looked at each other, their faces a little bewildered, as if they had received an unexpected congratulation. The woman smiled brightly, holding her boyfriend’s hand.

“It was decided so naturally after being together for so long that we didn’t really think of it as something to celebrate… But it feels good to be congratulated by you, Lee Hyun.”

Seeing her bright smile, Lee Hyun suddenly became aware of Rau standing beside him.

That summer, when he went on a business trip to Hong Kong. He had felt envious of Inwoo’s painting being chosen by a family, and now he was facing such a grateful moment. It was a future he couldn’t have imagined during the times he tried to swallow his silence next to his father. He knew well that he hadn’t come this far solely on his talent.

He felt a gentle hand placed on his shoulder and turned to see Rau looking at him with a smile softer than his touch.

“Let’s talk slowly. I’ll get you more wine.”

Rau naturally took Lee Hyun’s empty glass and was about to turn when his eyes met Ben’s.

“Being the lover of a superstar is a lonely role, isn’t it? Lee Hyun is practically the face of ‘The Hands’ right now.”

Rau replied to Ben’s smiling remark with a short laugh of his own and quickly moved away from the group.

He placed his empty glass on the bar temporarily set up in a corner for the party and sat down on a high stool. As Lee Hyun had mentioned, only one type of wine was available. He asked the bar staff, who seemed nervous as if unaccustomed to such tasks, for a glass of wine.

While waiting for the wine, he rubbed his chin broadly with one hand, rested his elbow on the bar, and leaned back. Then, he turned his head and looked over his shoulder. Through the crowd of people dressed up, Lee Hyun’s back and profile appeared and disappeared.

Lee Hyun seemed much more relaxed than before. Watching Lee Hyun talking and laughing with people who cherished his work, Rau turned his head forward again upon hearing that his wine was ready.

He drank half the wine in one go, like beer.

He didn’t know how Lee Hyun felt, but he regretted his awkward behavior upon arriving today. Although it seemed perfectly normal, especially by Parisian standards, Lee Hyun still seemed to find public displays of affection awkward.

He felt an impatience to leave a strong impression on Lee Hyun’s acquaintances, and on the young kid in the next room who had boldly expressed his admiration.

To be honest, it was a childish desire to prove and flaunt the depth and seriousness of their relationship.

But the real reason for his uncharacteristic behavior, the reason his throat was still dry with tension even now, away from the crowd, was something else.

Rau moistened his lips with his tongue, then felt the bulk inside his suit jacket’s breast pocket. He then finished the remaining half of the wine.

Before he could set the glass down, he felt a gentle hand stroking his shoulder from behind.

“I’m sorry. I invited you, and then…”

Rau put down his glass and turned his chair, which was designed to swivel, to face Lee Hyun. With a deeply apologetic expression, he gently held the tips of Lee Hyun’s clasped hands and stroked his fingernails with his thumb.

“You can’t complain this much when your boyfriend is a superstar.”

Lee Hyun finally relaxed his expression, smiled, and sat down next to him.

Two glasses of wine were newly served, and the two sat so close their shoulders touched, clinking their glasses.

“Why do I like the word ‘boyfriend’ so much? I said that just dating wasn’t enough… but this is separate.”

Lee Hyun smiled and fiddled with the thin stem of his wine glass, looking at Rau’s profile as he spoke with a sigh, gazing into the air with a serious expression.

“In Hong Kong… what did you say to that man from Amsterdam who asked to exchange email addresses?”

“That was… not really thinking about you as my representative, it was just in the moment!”

Lee Hyun’s face turned red instantly, even though Rau hadn’t intended to tease him specifically. Rau found his honest reaction endearing.

“I know.”

“……”

“How could I not know that you’re not the type to calculate things so shrewdly in that regard?”

Rau’s fingers subtly intertwined with Lee Hyun’s as he touched his wine glass.

“Even knowing that, I liked it.”

“……”

“To be mistaken for someone’s boyfriend… why didn’t I feel displeased or uncomfortable, but rather, I felt good…”

Rau’s lips curved into a pleasant smile as if recalling the emotions of that time. His blue eyes turned to Lee Hyun. Today, his eyes were like the sea on a calm day.

“Actually, it wasn’t just feeling good… I felt like I could fly.”

“I didn’t know…”

“I didn’t know it then, either.”

Rau extended the arm that was touching Lee Hyun and casually placed it on his shoulder. The weight conveyed by his toned arm and large hand was substantial. Moving up his shoulder, he gently massaged the back of Lee Hyun’s neck, gazing deeply into his eyes.

“Getting caught up with the temporary assistant Manager Han brought in, doing crazy things that weren’t like me… and for him to become someone who changes the direction of my entire life, and my very being…”

The DJ hired by Yuni through Michelle began playing music with a strong beat. Amidst the escalating music, the cheers of the crowd were loud. But neither of them looked back. At such close proximity, where their shoulders and knees brushed, they could only see each other’s faces.

Rau’s gaze meticulously traced Lee Hyun’s face, then he tilted his head slightly. Then, with his own lower lip, he softly traced Lee Hyun’s lips from top to bottom.

“It’s a little… earlier than planned, but shall we sneak out now?”

■ ■ ■

Their plan was to spend time at ‘The Hands’ until the Christmas countdown, then leave the party and go to see the ‘White Eiffel’ light up with white illumination over the Seine at 1 AM from in front of the Seoul Museum of Art.

However, the sedan that had come to pick them up in front of ‘The Hands’ turned left towards the direction of Place Vendôme instead of continuing down towards Place de la Concorde, entering Rue de la Paix. Even if they had gone around via Place Vendôme, it wouldn’t have been a significant detour.

But the sedan, slowing down as it followed the perimeter of the octagonal Place Vendôme, stopped in front of a hotel.

“……”

Lee Hyun looked at Rau, who was sitting beside him on the left, but he just smiled without offering any explanation.

A doorman in a light beige uniform coat opened the door. Lee Hyun checked Rau, who was getting out on the opposite side, and slowly followed him. Rau walked around the car towards the trunk and extended his hand. Casually, Lee Hyun took his hand and stepped inside the hotel.

In the luxurious lobby, an elegant, large Christmas tree was illuminated. Despite the absence of excessive decorations, it was a beautiful tree that drew the eye all the more for it.

He must have come out of the party a little earlier than planned, so he’s going to have a whiskey at the bar for a bit.

Lee Hyun thought this as he watched Rau’s back, walking about one step ahead down the softly lit long corridor. However, contrary to his expectations, Rau passed by both the restaurant and the bar. They got into a cramped elevator, just big enough for four adults. Rau took out a royal blue key card, the same color as the carpet laid out in the corridor they had just passed.

He politely declined the staff member who asked if he needed assistance, and the doors closed. Alone together in the elevator, Lee Hyun finally gently pulled the hand he was holding and asked,

“Aren’t we going to… Eiffel?”

Rau lifted his head from where it had been leaning loosely against the wall and leaned towards Lee Hyun.

“Did you really want to see White Eiffel together?”

He looked as if it would be a disaster if that were the case.

Lee Hyun shook his head with a smile, but Rau still looked less than completely reassured.

The 6th-floor corridor was filled with the same pleasant scent as the corridor on the lower lobby. Walking down the carpeted hallway, Lee Hyun recalled the events in Hong Kong. Both of them, in a state of extreme excitement, had held hands tightly, waiting for the elevator doors to open, and as soon as they entered his room, they had tangled together madly, making a mess of the living room.

As he retraced memories that felt like both just a few days ago and a very long time ago, Rau opened the door to a room where the name of the room, not a number, was written. He must have arrived earlier in the afternoon and checked in beforehand.

Even for Lee Hyun, who had no particular connection to hotels, it was a hotel so famous that it was hard not to know of its existence while living in Paris for over a year; it was no exaggeration to say it was one of the city’s many symbols. He remembered his colleagues talking about the surprisingly expensive accommodation costs. He didn’t want to seem like he was reducing his efforts to merely a matter of money by making a burdened expression or sending apologetic glances. He knew who it was for, and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“Wow…”

Although he had decided to show genuine delight this time, the moment he opened another door beyond the entrance and passed through a short corridor into the living room, an exclamation of admiration escaped him without any effort.

The space, furnished with calm yet vibrant light emerald pieces against an ivory base, created the illusion of stepping into a scene from the 18th century when the building was constructed.

Rau seemed relieved by Lee Hyun’s reaction.

“Shall we go out onto the terrace for a moment to see the night view?”

“There’s a terrace too?”

Rau, who looked at Lee Hyun asking with wide eyes, seemed even more excited than Lee Hyun.

“You can see Place Vendôme right from there.”

Lee Hyun couldn’t help but smile slightly at Rau’s flushed face, which made him seem like someone who had frequented such places to the point of becoming indifferent to luxurious and beautiful spaces.

Passing in front of the sofa set, Rau ascended two or three steps and then opened the doors leading to the terrace wide on both sides.

Rau had said it was just to look around since the room came with a terrace, but that wasn’t the case. On the spacious terrace, which could accommodate a dinner party for more than ten people, two tall outdoor heaters glowed red with heat, and in front of a cream-colored, plush sofa arranged according to the L-shaped structure of the terrace, a table was adorned with abundant fresh flowers. Large candles with transparent wind guards flickered faintly throughout the terrace.

It was a sweet atmosphere, clearly prepared for the two of them, who anyone could see were lovers. Lee Hyun felt a tickle behind his ears.

“Because it’s Christmas… did you prepare this specially?”

“Don’t laugh. I’m dying right now too.”

He hugged Lee Hyun from behind, burying his forehead in his shoulder. Rau’s shared embarrassment made Lee Hyun feel a little more at ease. Rau was clearly more proactive in expressing his emotions than Lee Hyun, but he wasn’t the type to enjoy such romantic events himself.

“I know you don’t like this sort of thing much. So, I prepared it minimally.”

Lee Hyun gently touched Rau’s cheek resting on his shoulder and shook his head.

“I know it’s for me. I’m a little embarrassed because I’m not used to this kind of thing… but it’s different from being burdened or disliking it. I guess I don’t react much, do I?”

This time, Rau shook his head. Then, he kissed the deep part of Lee Hyun’s neck, a place only lovers could kiss.

“I don’t expect that. It doesn’t matter.”

“Thank you… It’s really beautiful.”

“……”

Rau was silent for a moment, his arms around Lee Hyun tightening slightly, as if contemplating something.

“I hope you’ll say that again later.”

He mumbled it quickly, as if to himself, so it wasn’t perfectly clear. Feeling incredibly shy, he quickly pulled Lee Hyun towards the sofa, suggesting they have some champagne, and Lee Hyun missed the chance to ask what he meant.

Thanks to the gas heat from the two heaters, it wasn’t particularly cold, even close to midnight.

After taking the first sip of champagne, Rau slipped his hand inside the collar of Lee Hyun’s coat, gently pushing it outward, and said,

“I wanted to tell you this since I saw you in the gallery. The suit still suits you.”

The luxurious suit, with its slim fit, didn’t match the worn, student-like coat. It was a gift Rau had given him in Hong Kong, telling him to wear it for the party they were invited to.

“Although it’s very occasional… I’ve worn it well for important events.”

Rau smiled at Lee Hyun’s words. It wasn’t a bright smile.

Knowing that he spared no expense for Lee Hyun, that he genuinely wanted to give him his time, affection, and his entire life, including material possessions, Lee Hyun could anticipate the self-reproach he must be feeling at this moment.

Someone who felt cold in his bare hands without gloves, someone who felt guilty even about his worn-out coat.

If this were merely an attempt based on a materialistic tendency to equate all emotions with material things, his heart wouldn’t ache so much at Rau’s pained smile.

“As you know… I thought you were an Omega from the very beginning.”

In the silence, where only the crackling sound of flames from the heater meeting oxygen could be heard, Rau quietly began to speak.

“Because I had solid grounds, I couldn’t believe you when you said you were a Beta. I thought there must be a reason for you to hide it. But you were truly a Beta, or at least not an Omega, and yet I could clearly sense your pheromones… and even your pheromones became stronger and clearer. You were a world I had never encountered, simultaneously threatening and an irresistibly mysterious and captivating unknown.”

Rau paused his story and turned his head slightly, a somewhat playful expression on his face.

“You know I’m not just talking about pheromones, right?”

Lee Hyun fiddled with his champagne glass on his thigh and chuckled softly.

“When I realized I couldn’t control myself in front of your pheromones. While I felt fear and resistance at the thought of losing my former self… I also felt a sense of relief that I could finally be liberated. The existence of someone I couldn’t defend against, no matter how hard I tried… strangely, that was reassuring.”

He bent over, resting his arms on his knees, and looked down at the abundant bouquet of lilies and roses on the table, continuing,

“It’s probably similar to how I hate being a Ghost, yet I collect cars named after ghosts, and I named my gallery ‘Phantom,’ obsessing over its meaning. Even though I wanted to reject it, even though it made me lonely… in the end, that’s who I am.”

Then, he picked up the glass he had placed on the table and let about half of the golden liquid, full of bubbles, flow into his mouth. Turning to Lee Hyun, Rau’s eyes burned blue even in the dim light.

“You say your actions regarding your father’s affairs were cowardly… and while that might be true to some extent… you continued to agonize over that situation and didn’t become desensitized to it. And eventually, you tried to change, and you did. You didn’t make excuses like ‘my father hurt me first.’ You don’t know how transparently your movements shine to me, as you quietly navigate life at your own pace, enduring something so difficult.”

Just as Lee Hyun had tried to look at Alpha and Omega, and the reality of becoming an Omega, without excluding emotions, Rau was also trying to let go of his past impatience and approach with only the core truth remaining.

“Because it wasn’t consensual, your Changing, Representative, was a clear mistake.”

“……”

Lee Hyun felt Rau’s tension as he flinched and hunched over. Lee Hyun continued without rushing.

“After clarifying that part, I thought about it. What if… Representative had talked about his identity and the possibility of Changing first?”

Feeling Rau’s earnest gaze on his profile, Lee Hyun didn’t turn to look.

Although he had lived for over 20 years without Rau, the slightly more than a year he spent without him had been an extreme, unbearable moment by moment. It was even more so because he knew that if he just called and said he wanted to meet him right now, that pain would be immediately resolved.

But what he feared most was forgiving him based solely on the sentimental impulse of being in love and deciding their future together.

“If my feelings of love were less mature, I might have been scared and run away. Conversely, if my love had deepened… I might have resented you for bringing this up so late. Since it’s a past possibility that never happened, I couldn’t be sure of anything. I could only conclude that I didn’t know.”

“……”

“What I felt afterward… is that what’s important are the things that happen from now on. That the love Awi gave me still remains within me. That we didn’t love each other as much as we wanted, and that there’s still hope within me to bet on this love.”

Only then did Lee Hyun quietly turn his head to meet Rau’s gaze.

“The truth that quietly surfaced in my inner self, after the shock, bewilderment, and sadness subsided… was that.”

He wanted to convey to Rau that this was not a phenomenon that merely touched the surface of emotions to create ripples, but a love that shook the very source and changed the direction of the water flow.

Rau’s eyes, which seemed to be suppressing emotions to the extreme, as if even breathing had stopped, looked no different from Lee Hyun’s.

“I know you’re not someone who cares about the place or the format. But… for this moment, I wanted to focus solely on us, without any disturbance from anyone else, which is why I came here.”

Lee Hyun nodded slightly at Rau’s calm voice.

“And I wanted to propose to you in a place where I am confident that it will last forever, or at least for a very long time, and will not disappear.”

“……”

Lee Hyun’s eyes widened for a moment, then narrowed as if doubting what he had heard. He fumbled and placed the glass he was holding on the table.

“I wanted it to be a place we could revisit anytime we wanted to cherish this moment…”

Having finished speaking, Rau reached into his jacket’s inner pocket and took out a small box that fit in his palm. The flames of the heater, burning long like pillars, flickered redly above his face.

His tension was palpable. The muscles in his face, pressed together tightly, were rigid.

“Even though I already confessed that I have no choice but to give myself to you, even if you don’t accept me… I felt that words alone weren’t enough, so after much thought, this is all I could come up with.”

“……”

He looked at Lee Hyun with eyes that seemed to apologize for how meager his offering was, yet simultaneously pleaded that this was his everything.

The tips of his fingers trembled as he opened the box.

Lee Hyun, not yet fully grasping the situation, was more surprised by the fact that Rau was trembling with his hands than by the act itself that he was about to perform.

It was a black leather box with dense vertical stitching details, indented slightly from the edge. A gold trim, not visible from the outside, wrapped around three sides of the interior. A thin, square gold border surrounded the recessed central cushion once more… and two identical rings lay nestled side-by-side in the gap between the cushions.

The platinum rings, with no ornamentation, possessed an indescribable weight and presence despite their simple design. It was clear to anyone that they were not just rings, but proof of a heavy promise.

Rau was not one for ostentatious tastes either, but Lee Hyun could vividly imagine him agonizing over various rings before settling on these, choosing them to match his own preferences.

For now, the thought of him diligently choosing these rings was easier to imagine than the meaning they conveyed.

“I prepared a pair of rings, but you don’t need to feel any responsibility or obligation regarding these rings.”

Contrary to his tense demeanor, his words flowed gently. He turned the inside of the box towards Lee Hyun and placed it on his lap so Lee Hyun could see the contents clearly. With his right hand, he stroked Lee Hyun’s left shoulder.

“What I’m asking for now… isn’t for you to wear these rings with me, but for you to allow me to wear this ring. As a mark that I am yours, and as proof of my promise.”

His hand slid down his arm and gently grasped Lee Hyun’s hand, which rested lightly on the sofa. Lee Hyun waited, wanting to understand the meaning of his words that he wasn’t asking them to wear them together.

“Seo Yi-hyun.”

He took a noticeably deep breath.

“It’s not because I love you too much… but because I loved you wrongly, I hurt you and made you lonely… but…”

“……”

“Even if I were to keep you by my side in the form I desire, if that method causes you pain, it will ultimately be pain for me as well… I know that now.”

Rau’s hand, overlapping Lee Hyun’s, felt hot.

“Can you allow me to protect, with all that I am, the hope you placed in me, even to the point of risking your body and life?”

“……”

Heat was being applied to his emotions from deep within. Lee Hyun couldn’t tear his gaze away from Rau’s, as if nailed in place.

He was asking Lee Hyun to accept the full weight of his sincerity, to either crush it or discard it, leaving it all in Lee Hyun’s hands and subject to his disposition. Faced with his sincerity, which crashed against him with the weight of his entire life, Lee Hyun’s body trembled instinctively before his mind could even process it.

Lee Hyun looked down at the two rings in the box.

Until now, he had been overwhelmed just by the thought of accepting Rau back and the matter of Changing. He hadn’t had the leisure to even vaguely envision marriage, nor was his imagination particularly rich when it came to romance. Beyond like or dislike, this was a new topic that Lee Hyun had not yet considered.

Rau had likely anticipated his situation.

He must have deliberated on a method so that this proposal wouldn’t become another form of constraint or burden, another task to be answered.

It was completely different from the talk of marriage that Rau had blurted out in Chicago, out of desperation not to lose Lee Hyun.

Lee Hyun slowly raised his eyes to look at Rau again. The gaze that met his was not one lost in the romantic sentiment of a fleeting, fiery emotion.

It was the unhidden gaze of someone like a child, naive to the ways of the world. It was the gaze of a mature man, who, having shed the excess of fear and impatience, had arrived at a humble, final truth, and willingly wished to be bound to the other person.

“I know that rings alone have no coercive power or legal effect. But in the practical world, it’s different. People who see these rings will realize that I am already in a serious relationship and that I love you enough to want to show that I belong to you. Simply put, the moment I wear this, I’m practically a married man.”

Rau said this jokingly, lightly shaking the hand he held, but he couldn’t ease the expression on Lee Hyun’s face.

Lee Hyun couldn’t bear the weight of his sincerity and lowered his head. He tightly grasped his fingers, which were overlapping with his own.

“You’re asking for a… half-marriage?”

“……”

“A strange marriage where I’m single… and Awi is mine?”

“Yes, a strange marriage like that. But what does the universal meaning of marriage matter? We can transform it into any form we need, and there’s no absolute right or wrong to it.”

The rings that came into view were a pair of identical designs. He was saying that simply putting one of them on his ring finger would be enough for him.

He placed the box on the table and gently lifted Lee Hyun’s chin. Lee Hyun bit his lip, wanting to avoid his gaze because he looked like he was about to cry, and tried to pull his hands away… but he couldn’t refuse the two hands that cupped his cheeks.

“Go wherever you want, do whatever you want, and experience whatever you want. You don’t even need to force yourself to think about your share of the ring. I don’t want you to. And someday, when the thought of wanting to wear this ring arises naturally within you….”

“……”

“Then, let’s get married.”

Even if it was a story for the distant future, his voice trembled just by uttering the words of a marriage proposal.

The centerpiece, decorated richly yet simply with pale, delicate pink garden roses mixed with lavender, ranunculus, and eucalyptus, exuded a floral scent throughout. Then, another intense fragrance suddenly appeared, completely overpowering all other scents.

“Until then, my own marriage is enough and more than enough.”

He was releasing his scent.

It wasn’t the scent of a Ghost reacting uncontrollably to Didi’s pheromones, but the pheromones of a Golden Alpine, released and opened by himself.

Lee Hyun pulled down his arms that were cupping his cheeks and turned his head.

“What is that? That’s too… Why, to that extent….”

He wanted to say it was too cruel to him, but he swallowed the words, fearing they would sound disrespectful of his sincerity.

His strange proposal, wanting to be bound yet not wanting to bind, was not a performance to elicit pity.

By implanting the mark of his possession onto his own finger, rather than placing a ring on the other’s hand, he was now… entrusting his entire life to Lee Hyun.

He moved closer, sat down, bent his waist, and tilted his head to look up at Lee Hyun.

“If you hadn’t met me, you could have lived as an ordinary Beta without experiencing any changes. You might never have known you were Didi. Compared to the decision you made, this is nothing. Rather, I am now… asking you to make me happy with this ring. You’re the one at a disadvantage, you fool.”

A chuckle escaped him at the absurd logic, and tears flowed simultaneously.

Lee Hyun suddenly wondered why he had tried to hold back his tears. He let them flow freely. His face drew closer, and he kissed Lee Hyun’s cheek as if to swallow the tears that streamed down. Then, they embraced, chest to chest, cheek to cheek, fitting perfectly together.

“Seo Yi-hyun. Lee Hyun-ah, I love you.”

Mobilizing all of his human emotions and reason, as well as the instincts of an Alpha and a Ghost, even the deepest, most hidden parts of himself that he had denied and confined…

“My entire being loves you.”

These were words of blood and flesh, etching themselves not onto his ears, but onto his heart. Lee Hyun closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his back.

He would never let anyone say that his love was lesser or insufficient compared to Lee Hyun’s.

He curled his fingers and gripped his jacket tightly. He closed his eyes, enveloped by the scent emanating from him. The change he had desperately desired, perhaps for a very long time without even knowing it, had now drawn near, becoming the near future, the present.

“I love you. And, I will love you.”

■ ■ ■

Paris to Incheon. Flight AF0268.

Arrived at the terminal at 06:19, 24 minutes behind schedule.

As soon as he stepped out of the airport gate, the wind rushed in, flapping the hem of his coat noisily. The weather in Seoul, heading into the heart of winter with only a few days left in the year, was harsh.

He had given Lee Hyun his scarf and gloves, nagging him to dress warmly, but compared to this, the weather in Paris felt like spring. However, Lau gripped his phone tightly in his right pocket and, with his thumb, caressed the ring on his left ring finger, feeling no need to button up his coat.

Following the driver who carried only a Boston bag, not a suitcase, Lau quickened his pace as soon as he spotted the car, overtaking him. He wanted to have a leisurely phone call, and having held back since the plane fully landed, he couldn’t wait any longer.

[You’ve arrived?]

As if he had been waiting for the call, Lee Hyun’s voice answered before the second ring.

“Yes, I just got in the car.”

Only after confirming Lee Hyun’s voice could Lau relax his shoulders and lean back loosely in the warm seat. He had felt a sense of unease, as if everything that had happened there would become nonexistent once he left and returned to Korea.

[You must be tired. Did you sleep on the plane?]

“Um… no. I didn’t sleep a wink.”

[Why?]

Lee Hyun asked with concern.

“I was excited, thinking it was all a dream in Paris, and I knew a gift from Seo Yi-hyun would be waiting for me at home, so I couldn’t sleep.”

[…….]

Lee Hyun was silent on the other end of the phone, but Lau could perfectly picture him smiling faintly. He could hear the sounds of something being placed on a table, a chair being dragged across the floor, as if he had made a cup of tea and sat at his desk. Even those small noises were pleasant to hear.

The car was entering the Yeongjong Bridge. Looking out at the West Sea, Lau lowered his left hand and smiled.

“You have no idea how many eyes I drew just moving around inside the airport because of this ring.”

At the airline counter, during departure procedures, in the lounge while waiting to board, and even after getting on the plane. He spoke more animatedly than usual about how many men and women’s gazes had shifted from his face to his finger, and judging by their expressions, how effective this small ring was.

“I didn’t know before. That so many people were looking at me.”

[Saying you didn’t know is more annoying. How could you not know? Or, perhaps you’re just used to it because it’s been like that since you were young….]

Lau chuckled softly as he heard Lee Hyun’s voice trail off into a murmur at the end.

“But now, I need those gazes.”

[…….]

“I wanted someone to notice I was wearing the ring. So, I started observing people, and that’s when I realized they were looking at me.”

Even the driver in the back, who never reacted to what was happening behind him, flinched at the unusual conversation where the word “ring” appeared repeatedly.

[If a stranger heard this, they’d think I gave you the ring, Representative.]

“You did give it to me. Because you allowed me to wear it.”

[…….]

“Seo Yi-hyun, you remember our promise, right? Don’t feel guilty because I’m so happy.”

[Yes. I will.]

“I’m so excited right now that I should avoid driving myself for a while.”

Lau heard Lee Hyun chuckle on the phone.

He didn’t want Lee Hyun to face any pressure from now on. When the moment came that his heart moved naturally, he would take out the other ring from the box himself. Just as he had done when he forgave himself.

Until then, all Lau had to do was love him. Loving him was something he would do for the rest of his life. There was no reason to be impatient.

After finishing the call and Lee Hyun disappearing from the other end, Lau felt a little anxious. He was almost afraid, beyond anticipation, of what gift Lee Hyun might have waiting for him at home.

He couldn’t wait for the parking lot gate to open and got out of the car first. He seemed impatient, as if he wondered how he had endured the nearly 11-hour flight. Lau, who entered the parking lot before the car, opened the door leading to the underground studio Lee Hyun had used.

“……”

He had been cleaning and managing the basement himself. Disliking how the long-abandoned spaces felt desolate, he used to come down here to read, handle remaining work, and sometimes bathe alone. But no matter how much time passed, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep alone here.

As if something had happened while he was away for a few days, the damp darkness that he couldn’t get rid of despite his efforts had melted away, and bright sunlight filled the space, just as it had when Lee Hyun stayed here.

Forgetting how rushed he had been, Lau slowly looked around the studio and smiled silently, touching the ring on his left ring finger. It might have become a habit by now.

He bounded up the stairs connecting to the upper floor, two or three steps at a time, and then slowed his pace at the entrance to the living room. Next to the sofa, leaning against the wall separating the dining area and the living room, was a meticulously wrapped box.

Now that it was right in front of him, he couldn’t bring himself to touch it, feeling it was too precious. It was difficult to even approach, so he stood at the entrance of the living room, gazing at it for a long time. Even without knowing the contents, his emotions stirred just by looking at the wrapping. He found it even harder to calm down, sensing that his gift was a painting.

After showering, changing, making coffee, and pacing aimlessly in front of it for a while, Lau finally opened the wrapping in the afternoon.

“Mmm…”

A groan escaped his lips.

As if feeling actual pain, Lau slightly bent his back, hunched his shoulders, and furrowed his brow.

The reason Lee Hyun had smiled without hesitation on the snowy Paris street, and then immediately shown tears and begged him not to leave.

Inside the box were two canvases, paired together.

Each canvas, about one meter square, depicted the same painting. The two works were so precisely identical, they could have been mass-produced. It was a blue image created using various materials and different tones of blue to achieve a unique texture.

Replicating the same work with the same color combinations was a difficult task even for the artist who created it. Most artists would choose to paint another new piece instead. While it lacked the burden of creation, it required considerable patience and precision.

After slowly examining the first piece, and then facing the second one properly, Lau realized the blue image was the sea.

Unlike the first piece, a tiny person, about the size of a fingernail, was drawn in the bottom right corner of the second canvas. The person was standing, surfing, wearing only swimming trunks.

“Ah…”

The figure in the painting was extremely simplified, but the freedom he felt on the sea, like the sand he had seen in Bali, was conveyed.

This was how Seo Yi-hyun saw Lau Wikun.

Like the sea that gave him freedom, that accepted him. Lee Hyun had expressed it that way, but Lau thought differently.

It was the person who made the enigmatic blue image look like the sea, who gave color to a formless ghost… it was the person. Because there was a person riding the waves on a board, the sea could be the sea. A ghost could be given form when there was someone who listened to their voice and called them by name. Lee Hyun had set him free.

Lau stared at the two pieces placed side by side for a long time, then opened the envelope that came out of the box. The postcard-sized card, with what looked like Lee Hyun’s own drawing on the front, bore only a single line.

‘ — Him and Me’.

The singular title, with the ‘s’ removed from ‘Colorful Ghosts,’ caught his eye.

There was no need to write a long story on the card. He had already conveyed what he wanted to say in the language most comfortable to himself.

Lau knelt before the painting, lowering his body, and gently traced the blue texture, like mermaid scales, with his fingertips. After Lee Hyun left, the living room, which had been as dry as sand without moisture, was now filled with surging blue waves and white surf.

Lau tightly clasped his left hand, wearing the ring, with his right hand.

■ ■ ■

“Representative. Representative?”

“Uh.”

Lau, who had been resting his chin on his right hand and tapping the table with his left, alternating glances between his watch and the ring, turned his head at Juhan’s voice, which had come right up to his ear.

“He’s a candidate for our coffee bean supplier. I’ve narrowed it down to five places, and I wanted you to look at them together during the construction period. You weren’t listening, were you?”

“Ah… sorry. I was lost in thought.”

“Lost in thought? You were spacing out, looking at your ring.”

The two youngest members sitting opposite him made strange noises trying to suppress their laughter and lowered their heads.

“If you find it funny, just laugh, you brats,” Lau said, as if resigned. He deliberately leaned his weight on Juhan’s shoulder and stood up.

“Keep eating. I’m going out for a smoke.”

He heard them whispering behind him as he left the restaurant, “Smoking is just an excuse,” but Lau just smiled. It was true, and it wasn’t unpleasant to hear.

Although the temperature was low, it was midday, and there was plenty of sunlight on the terrace in front of the entrance. Lau checked the time, which was exactly 2 PM Korean time, and made a call.

“Good morning.”

Lee Hyun’s voice, still groggy from sleep, came from the other end of the phone, and he chuckled softly as he rubbed his eyes. It was pleasant to hear.

[Um… Kun… it’s good afternoon.]

“Ah, it’s an afternoon where I’m getting nagged by Kwon Juhan.”

He said it as if complaining, standing by the terrace railing with one hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

[Are you having a study group?]

“Yeah. At first, I thought he just wanted to act like a senior with the new recruits, but watching him, he’s quite serious.”

Thanks to the construction, Juhan had taken three months of paid leave, and he couldn’t just sit around doing nothing. Since the beginning of the year, Juhan had been holding a weekly study session with the two juniors who joined two years ago, discussing the latest trends in the art world.

“He even asked to borrow our house to save money on buying coffee at cafes, and now he’s ordering Jjajangmyeon.”

Lee Hyun’s voice also held a hint of laughter at Lau’s grumbling.

[Hyung seems to be studying coffee diligently these days too.]

Juhan had started studying coffee last month. Although Phantom was covering the costs for obtaining a barista certification, his passion exceeded expectations.

“It feels like watching the prodigal son return. He’s quite dependable these days.”

[I was really worried about Hyung when he had to separate from his sister, so it’s a relief.]

“I know. I thought I knew that kid well, but maybe that was arrogance.”

Lau chuckled as he pulled out a cigarette, holding the phone steady with one shoulder raised. Lee Hyun laughed along. Lee Hyun seemed to have woken up somewhat now.

[I couldn’t tell you last night, but my new work will be exhibited in two weeks.]

“Really?”

Lau raised the end of his sentence, pulled the cigarette he was holding from his lips, and sat down on the cold outdoor chair.

[Will you come see it? It’s been about a month since we last saw each other…]

“Are you saying you want to see me?”

He couldn’t help the smile that overflowed from within, having no more room to contain it.

Lee Hyun hesitated for a moment, then spoke clearly and without interruption.

[Yes, I want to see you. I’d like it if you came here.]

“……”

Lau, who doubted his own ears and momentarily lost his smile, collapsed onto the table, resting his arms.

“I think I just smelled your pheromones.”

[…….]

This time, silence came from the other side. Lau could vividly picture Lee Hyun’s face, his neck and earlobes flushed red.

Lau sat up from the table and swept his hair back. He wanted to see him. Now that he knew he would see him soon, he wanted to see him even more.

“So, the exhibition schedule is roughly set… can I hear about the work now? Tell me at least one thing, either the subject or the theme. Hmm? Is it the next piece after ?”

[Um… it’s not.]

“Oh?”

[Yes, and I think this will probably lead into a series as well.]

“I’m curious.”

[It’s a painting of a young cloud about to leave its room and begin a journey… As I was drawing it, I felt like I wanted to draw myself traveling to various places.]

To prevent Lee Hyun from noticing his own surprise, Rau silently licked his lips with his tongue and then swept his hand broadly around his mouth.

Whether Lee Hyun was aware of it himself or not, Rau could feel it.

A young cloud leaving its small room to begin a journey.

Lee Hyun was now trying to translate his own story into a painting. He had completely regained his own language.

Rau shifted his posture and cleared his throat.

“Since the new piece is finished, I wanted to talk about something…”

He could feel Lee Hyun’s breath, listening intently.

“I’ve been thinking about the 100 million [won] remaining between us.”

[…….]

“From this new piece onwards, I’d like you to stop sending me money.”

As expected, Lee Hyun couldn’t react immediately.

[But that’s unrelated to our other dealings….]

“At the time, the moment I saw you shivering in front of my house, I was beside myself, and I wanted to help you with anything difficult you were going through… but in a corner of that heart, there was definitely a calculation that this might tie you to me even a little bit longer. That’s why this money… doesn’t feel right to me. I couldn’t touch the money you’ve sent so far either. The money sent from Bali is the same. It… didn’t feel like my share.”

Rau looked down at the ring on his left hand, resting on the table. He hoped this ring on his hand could be even a little more righteous.

“How about I add the remainder to the money you’ve sent so far and donate that 100 million to organizations like ‘late blooming’? I’ve already narrowed it down to a few groups that advocate for understanding between genders and support people struggling with gender identity.”

[Ah….]

“It would be meaningful for me too. I have my own insights when it comes to the loneliness and pain one has to endure because of their [gender] traits.”

Lee Hyun was silent for a moment. Rau, basking in the sun, waited without rushing him.

[Thank you. It’s truly meaningful for me too. Perhaps I am… the only person in the world to have ‘late bloomed’ in this way.]

At Lee Hyun’s words, Rau’s lips curved into a silent smile. He didn’t think this meant he had shed everything. Rather, it was just the beginning.

After ending the call, Rau exhaled a long, thin breath, lowering his tensed shoulders.

Even though they shared their daily lives through short calls several times a day, and were together just before falling asleep and the moment they woke up… calls with Lee Hyun still required a slight tension.

It wasn’t because of feeling indebted to him, as Lee Hyun worried. It was because he didn’t want to love him wrongly again, and didn’t want to become complacent under the guise of comfort.

Rau stood up from his chair and looked back. Beyond the wide front window, the vibrant blue of , which now occupied the spot where had previously hung, caught his eye.

Just as he had with , Rau still didn’t fail to ask visitors questions.

“What do you see in this painting?”

But he no longer waited for people to give the right answer. It was partly because he had already met that person, but also because he had now come to accept that there was no right or wrong answer. Even if it was a cliché expression, that was the reality.

Looking at the same painting, each person projected their own experiences, emotions, and desires, so their impressions were all different. Now, he enjoyed listening to those differences, enjoying looking at the various colors.

As Rau habitually rubbed the ring on his left hand with his thumb while gazing at the painting in the living room, he suddenly felt that he had already received everything from Lee Hyun.

Lee Hyun had once said.

“I want to change. I want to be changed.”

And Rau himself had said to him.

“Me too. I want to be changed too. Into a completely different being.”

That was a long-held wish, and also his fate, which he had resigned himself to and accepted as unachievable.

That night, Rau had not rejected Lee Hyun when he came to his bedroom. Perhaps, unconsciously, he had desperately wished for him to be someone who could shatter everything and render it meaningless.

“Will you help me change, Seo Yi-hyun?”

And Lee Hyun had eventually changed him.

His body felt light, like the morning after a deep sleep. It felt as if countless fine, shimmering particles were embracing him. It was the scent of Diamond Dust, Lee Hyun’s scent.

Diamond Dust Complete. Continued in an epilogue.