By Zephyria 
Rau, who had moved to my side, put an arm around my shoulder as if to support me. I followed, holding onto the hem of his coat. Before we had walked even a few steps, he stopped in front of a typical old Parisian apartment building. He entered a passcode on a pad mounted on the wall next to the double doors, and the entrance opened. We got into a cramped elevator, barely big enough for two or three people, and headed for the sixth floor.
Our shoulders were pressed together, our hands clasped, but we only looked straight ahead, unable to turn to each other.
After getting off on the sixth floor, Rau took a key from his coat pocket and opened one of the three doors. From behind the door next to us, the sound of music and people laughing could be heard.
Rau entered and closed the door, then turned Lee Hyun around. The tears had stopped. But as the reality of the person before him became clearer, his emotions stirred even more than when they first met. For now, all he wanted was to keep confirming him through sight, sound, and touch…
His blue eyes meticulously traced Lee Hyun’s face, as if confirming the chasm that a little over a year had created. He parted his lips as if to say something, then bit his lower lip, unable to find the right words for the moment. Then he stepped closer and put his arm around Lee Hyun’s shoulders.
Lee Hyun slipped his arm inside the opening of Rau’s coat and wrapped his arms around Rau’s waist over his shirt. He buried his nose and lips in Rau’s shoulder, rubbing his face against his neck.
It felt like he had never initiated physical contact with Rau so actively, except when they were having sex. He had been a fool. Why had he held back?
They simply held each other for a long time. It felt like nothing else was needed. Leaning against the door, Rau would occasionally lower his head and press his lips to Lee Hyun’s hair, forehead, and temples.
Perhaps their neighbors were having an early Christmas party, as the noise from next door occasionally seeped through the walls.
He gently stroked Lee Hyun’s hair, tilting his head to look down at his face.
“Are you feeling a little calmer now?”
It was his voice.
“Tell me… more.”
“……?”
“Anything, I just want to hear your voice more.”
He said it with a slight plea, rubbing his face against Rau’s neck while his face was buried in his shoulder. He had always tried to be composed in front of Rau before, but now… after passing through more than a year, he wanted a small reward for this moment.
Perhaps finding the request to speak anything a little difficult, Rau stroked the edge of Lee Hyun’s shoulder, thought for a moment, and then suddenly began to sing softly.
It was the first time Lee Hyun had heard him sing. He lifted his head from Rau’s chest and looked at his face. Rau, who had been looking down with his head resting against the door, stopped singing.
“What song is it?”
“Um… it’s a song called
“Is it Portuguese?”
Rau nodded.
“It means something like, ‘Everything will be alright.’”
“Can you speak Portuguese too?”
This time, Rau shook his head and smiled. Every reaction he showed was new, and Lee Hyun didn’t want to miss any of it. With a faint smile barely visible at the corner of his lips, he looked at Rau sideways. Rau’s eyes, sharp and wounded, looked less like someone who had reunited and more like someone facing separation.
Lee Hyun knew that the shadow mixed in Rau’s eyes couldn’t be dispelled in an instant just because they had reunited. The accumulation of time built up within him was the same. He had no intention of rushing.
He rested his chest against Rau’s again, placing his chin on his shoulder, and said,
“Will you sing more?”
He liked Rau’s song, which was like a soft whistle, barely audible. When Rau didn’t know the lyrics, he hummed along, and Lee Hyun’s eyes closed.
Even after the song ended, they leaned against each other in silence for a long time. Like people afraid of ruining something important by moving too soon.
“Is it… perfume?”
“…….”
To his cautious question, Lee Hyun pulled away and instinctively raised his arm to sniff.
“At the department store earlier, the clerk… suggested I try spraying some…”
He found himself making excuses for something he hadn’t done wrong, and suddenly felt amused. He dropped his arm and chuckled.
“Yes. It’s the same one you used… so I bought it.”
In the darkness, illuminated only by streetlights and the light spilling from the building opposite, Rau’s eyes spoke of deep emotion. He straightened up from the door and gently took Lee Hyun’s hand. Lee Hyun clasped his hand back, and only then did he look around.
“But, where is this…?”
At Lee Hyun’s question, Rau bit his lower lip, revealing his discomfort. He ran a hand over his face and spoke with a heavy expression.
“It’s a place I come to sometimes.”
“…Here?”
Without needing to look closely, it was a studio where what you saw was all there was. The room, long horizontally, had six windows on the front, suggesting good natural light. Though it was neatly organized, it was by no means spacious or comfortable.
From the entrance, to the right, there was a legless Zen-style bed and a three-section wardrobe next to it. To the left, there was a table that seemed to serve as both a desk and a dining table. That was all the furniture. Beyond the table, at the end of a narrow hallway, were the kitchen and bathroom. It was only slightly larger than the room Lee Hyun was using at The Hands.
He hadn’t been in a long-term relationship with Rau, nor did he know the specifics of his financial situation. But he couldn’t believe that Rau had bought a studio in the 19th arrondissement, far from the city center, because he couldn’t afford Paris’s notorious hotel prices.
“Since… when?”
Lee Hyun asked, looking around the room at the unmade bed, the scattered laptop and documents on the table, the jacket draped over the chair, and other traces of Rau’s presence.
“I signed the contract around… autumn this year. I had been looking for decent properties in this area even before that, but it was hard to find anything in the location I wanted…”
Rau hesitated for a moment before adding,
“From here… you can’t see The Hands directly.”
He had thought Rau came here because the painting arrived sooner than expected. But that didn’t make sense. If so, why would he have lingered in the alley instead of going straight to The Hands? If Rau was the ‘handsome man occasionally seen at the cafe by the canal’ that Ben had mentioned, then this wasn’t the first time he had appeared in this area today.
“Ah…”
Perhaps mistaking Lee Hyun’s sigh for a negative reaction, Rau closed the distance, stepping closer and firmly gripping both of Lee Hyun’s arms.
“I know, it was a cheat. At first, I just wanted to feel like I was… close…”
Lee Hyun shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about whose fault it was or who was more responsible. It was unnecessary to repeatedly remind someone who had already admitted their mistake and genuinely regretted it that it was their fault.
Lee Hyun placed his hands on Rau’s shoulders, stroking his broad back as if to massage it.
“What matters is that we’ve met again now.”
The grip on his arms loosened. Rau tilted his head and exhaled slowly and deliberately.
“For the first few months… I couldn’t even go down to the basement.”
“…….”
“I even thought about moving to a hotel or another house.”
His tone was matter-of-fact. It wasn’t an attempt to complain about how difficult it had been.
“And after those few months… I practically lived in the basement.”
Lee Hyun bit his lip. He moved his hands from Rau’s shoulders and wrapped them around his neck.
“The person left behind suffers more than the person who leaves… Having to live in places that hold memories, with people you know… where everything remains the same… It might be harder than missing someone from a place with nothing.”
Rau shook his head, disagreeing. They already knew the meaning of the past time, that he hadn’t been the only one enduring the pain.
“It was very… difficult, wasn’t it…?”
He slowly closed and opened his eyes, shaking his head more firmly.
“I’m in a room on the fourth floor, and there’s a friend from Hong Kong in the next room.”
“…….”
“He’s shown some interest in me…”
Seeing the anxiety in Rau’s wavering eyes, Lee Hyun continued,
“I told him I have a boyfriend. I felt I had to draw a line.”
“…….”
“Did I… lie?”
They had felt that no explanation was necessary the moment they found each other. But at the same time, the throbbing pain and the void they endured when facing the problem still remained within them, making them fearful of rejection and hurt.
Rau shook his head, his face contorted as he tried to suppress the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.
His large hands suddenly cupped Lee Hyun’s cheeks, and he pressed his lips together as if lunging. He tilted his head, changing direction, and passionately kissed Lee Hyun, then pulled away to catch his breath, his forehead pressed against Lee Hyun’s. Then, he continued with a soft kiss, his lips brushing lightly against Lee Hyun’s.
Lee Hyun moved his hands to Rau’s shoulders, sliding them down his bent arm that was cupping his cheek. Rau’s fingers gently tangled in his hair, and he deepened the kiss. The moment their wet mucous membranes touched, a groan escaped from both of their throats.
They didn’t break eye contact. Just as they always did when they kissed before.
The kiss, which had initially used only the surface of their lips like a low whisper, grew more intense. Lee Hyun sucked gently on Rau’s tongue, which entered his mouth, using his palate and tongue, and tightened his grip on the arms he held.
After a long period of abstinence, the person he loved was before him. That alone was enough reason for his entire body to ignite. His young, healthy body could not be satisfied by merely looking at Rau or hearing his sweet voice.
The past time. Life itself had felt bleak, as if he had lost the will to live, yet when the time came, he felt hunger. No matter how much he tossed and turned, he eventually fell asleep. And as his life gradually stabilized, his sexual desire, like his appetite and sleepiness, found its place.
The time that had passed was not filled solely with noble spiritual asceticism. Rather, each day was reality.
The way he kissed, the weight pressing against his back and chest, the curves of his body that his hands had caressed, the sway and hardness of his thick erection, the sensation of his inner self being forced open when it penetrated, the throbbing of his entire body like holding a large heart within him, the contraction and expansion of knotting. He had masturbated several times recalling these things.
He didn’t consider that impure. Feeling sexual desire didn’t mean he wanted to rub against just anyone.
He rubbed his tongue against Rau’s wet flesh, which was softly pressing against his own tongue, creating curves in his mouth. Rau pulled his hands away from Lee Hyun’s cheeks and pushed aside the outer layer of Lee Hyun’s coat. Lee Hyun cooperated by shrugging off his clothes, and then Rau pushed his coat off his shoulders. Rau lowered his body and kissed him repeatedly, as if he were squatting. This caused Lee Hyun to step backward.
Accepting Rau’s aggressive kiss, Lee Hyun’s hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt with urgency. While Lee Hyun unbuttoned the top two, Rau, as if tearing them off, opened all the buttons from the bottom up and pulled Lee Hyun close by grabbing his neck and waist. Their lips met deeply.
“Hng…”
A scent wafted from between the open shirt flaps. It wasn’t very strong, but what brushed past his nose was definitely ‘that scent.’ It was no longer an illusion.
The moment he realized this, he clearly felt a tremor, almost unsettling, stirring within his core, urging him on.
Rau’s bare body, his coat and then his shirt dropped to the floor. Lee Hyun’s desire was to rub his own skin against that body immediately. Lee Hyun grabbed Rau’s sweater and the t-shirt underneath it and pulled them up together, and Rau helped him remove them.
Like people frantically searching for something, they moved their arms around each other’s backs, touching everywhere their hands could reach.
Rau, biting his lower lip and rolling it in his mouth, looked at Lee Hyun from under his lowered eyelids, his eyes as wet as his lips.
“Ha, hck.”
With a sudden surge of strength, the suction pulled Lee Hyun in, making him dizzy. An image of a red liquid spreading from his lips, accompanied by a stinging pain.
Whenever he touched himself under his underwear, he would twist his lips between his fingers while lying on his side on the bed, but that could never mimic the excitement accompanied by this pain.
“Ugh, mm. Ugh mm…”
He wrapped his arms around Rau’s neck and rose on his tiptoes, actively responding to the kiss. He ran his fingers through Rau’s hair, rubbed his earlobes, and scratched at the taut, firm muscles of his neck and the spread of his chest, which were pulled tight with arousal.
Rau’s intensifying scent made his mind feel loose, while simultaneously tightening his entire body. It wasn’t a perfume that anyone could buy at a luxury cosmetics counter in a department store and apply to their own room, wrists, and neck.
The fact that ‘that scent,’ which had liberated him from the ingrained notion that active sexuality was vulgar, and had drawn out an unfamiliar side of him, was Rau’s pheromone.
He couldn’t deny feeling satisfaction, greed, longing, and strong sexual arousal from it.
His promise that no one else would know this scent.
If it was merely fairness that others couldn’t know what he didn’t know, then this was related to possessiveness, a childish sense of superiority. It wasn’t noble or sacred. It didn’t matter.
Lee Hyun cupped Rau’s cheeks, pushing him back slightly, and kissed his lips lightly, looking into his eyes.
“How is it?”
“…….”
“Are you… still feeling pheromones from me now?”
Rau, who had been scratching his lower lip with his teeth while staring at Lee Hyun’s lips as if he just wanted him to kiss him, looked up at Lee Hyun’s eyes. His brow furrowed, and his gaze sharpened.
“…What… what are you….”
He couldn’t finish his sentence or close his mouth.
“You can feel my pheromones, can’t you, Representative?”
He twisted his shoulders and turned his body, resting one hand on his hip and rubbing the lower part of his face as if squeezing it. The arousal heightened by the kiss had not subsided, and his bare chest rose and fell rapidly.
“Choi In-woo? Or… Jeong Se-in?”
Lee Hyun shook his head.
“I saw it too. The diary.”
“…….”
Rau turned around, looking more surprised than if he had heard it from Choi In-woo or Shushu.
With an expression that suggested he understood what had happened, he dropped his gaze and walked to the table. He downed the small amount of whiskey left in the glass next to the laptop in one gulp. He grimaced at the strong taste, then approached and grabbed Lee Hyun’s arms. Standing before him again, his gaze was firm.
“You have no responsibility for the Changing.”
Lee Hyun knew what Rau was worried about.
“It would be different if you had continued to have sex with me, knowing everything about the pheromones between Ghost and Diamond Dust… but you knew nothing about any of it.”
He also knew why Rau had kept silent about the diary and Diamond Dust.
“The Changing is entirely my fault.”
“I know.”
“…….”
Awi, who had thought Lee Hyun had followed him without knowing about the existence of Diamond Dust and its pheromones, was confused. But Lee Hyun had no reason to waver. He didn’t want to waver anymore.
“Haven’t we thought enough about it during the past year? Do we… need to talk about that again?”
Rau’s hands, which had been holding Lee Hyun’s arms, hesitated and then withdrew.
If he hadn’t come after receiving the painting, he probably wouldn’t have expected to have this kind of meeting with Lee Hyun today.
The shock of reunion, and the gratitude for Lee Hyun’s unreserved embrace, which didn’t coldly turn him away, began to show traces of pain.
“But, you still… haven’t received a sufficient apology, nor a sufficient reward.”
Lee Hyun let out a soft laugh. It wasn’t a mockery of his statement.
“Do you think I wanted something like that?”
I approached him, placed my hand on his shoulder, and gave it a light shake. For over a year, I had opened and examined every drawer of my past, and considered every possibility. The conclusion had already been made. It wasn’t the diary that changed the conclusion, contrary to his worries.
“To my father, who lost his mother, and to me… life insurance or settlement money can never be enough compensation. Even if the driver who caused the accident knelt and apologized with tears, it wouldn’t be enough of an apology. No, even if that person took their own life, it would mean nothing to my father and me.”
Lee Hyun shook his head and bit his lower lip. Then, he let his hand slide from Rau’s shoulder and gently clasped both of Rau’s hands.
“Things like that… would be nothing more than a belated cleanup after the fact. As long as we can’t turn back time, there’s no such thing as a sufficient apology or compensation for something like this.”
Looking down at his hands, where the veins stood out more than usual due to being held down, Lee Hyun dismantled a part of his past and revealed it to Rau.
“I’ve thought about it for a long time. I had two paths before me. One was to live by demanding as much ‘apology’ and ‘compensation’ as I wanted, suffering from the despair of being sacrificed and betrayed… living with the strength of blaming and hating you, Representative. The other was to accept your regret and place hope once more in the deep comfort and understanding that we gave each other, and can give each other in the future.”
Rau’s hand squeezed Lee Hyun’s once, then released it. He stroked Lee Hyun’s arm, moving up to his shoulder, around his neck, covering his ear, and gently tilting his head up.
“The fact that Awi is the one who allowed me to redraw myself, just as much as the fact that you Changed me, remains unchanged. I… am here, in this place… for my own happiness, and nothing else.”
Lee Hyun’s eyes, which had seemed calm, began to water. Rau moved closer and embraced Lee Hyun. He knew that even if he laid out all the apologies in the world and offered all the compensation, those words would be meaningless here, in this moment.
“I told you back then. Even if you didn’t accept it, I had no choice but to give myself to you.”
“……”
Feeling the heart beating within his chest, the breath reaching his ears, and his sincerity, Lee Hyun embraced his back.
“Whether you forgive me or not, even if I hadn’t committed the sin of Changing you and you had no guilt… I belong to you.”
As he closed his eyes, tears flowed down, wetting his shoulder. They simply held each other tightly. They comforted each other for the time they had endured in the void. They kissed each other’s shoulders and necks.
“So… how is my Pheromone? Is it a good scent?”
I pulled away from him, wiped my tears haphazardly, and smiled. Rau, who had cupped the back of Lee Hyun’s head, nodded with a deeply furrowed brow, biting his lower lip.
“Like a May rose?”
Lee Hyun’s quote, referencing a passage from the diary owner’s description of Erich’s Pheromones, made him release his lips and smile. Then, he lowered his head, their lips met, and he kissed me multiple times, softly.
“If smelling a rose makes me want to do this, isn’t that strange?”
Lee Hyun smiled and cupped Rau’s cheek. Their lips met again, more deeply this time, and he kissed me passionately.
“It’s an absolute scent that makes one lose the control built up through being Golden, and turns them into a defenseless regular with no barriers.”
Feeling a bit embarrassed by the rather grand explanation, Lee Hyun chuckled and released Rau’s cheek, looking away. But his gaze, which had fallen to about his chest, immediately returned to his eyes. He remembered hearing something similar once.
“So… that’s what it meant.”
“……”
This time, Rau added a wry smile to his complex expression and stroked Lee Hyun’s bare shoulder.
In Chicago. The time he proposed, and I answered with ‘I love you.’
Lying pressed against Lee Hyun’s back, Rau had said something similar, his face fully aroused as he slid his fingers inside and stimulated him.
It wasn’t about body odor.
It was the Diamond Dust Pheromone that only Ghosts could sense and react to.
He knew what kind of reaction he had when he smelled Rau’s scent. It was a sweet and intense temptation that tapped into the most primal instincts sealed deep within, instincts that had never been touched by any form of stimulation, coaxing him to act and speak outside the boundaries of his usual self.
The thought that Rau would also be stimulated by his own Pheromone made his mouth dry. Imagination and anticipation instantly disrupted his breathing.
Moving closer to him, who was stroking his shoulder, he placed his hands on Rau’s waist. He rubbed his nose along his jawline, kissing his way up. Tilting his head slightly, he buried his lips against his ear as Rau’s hand slid down his side, and whispered.
“To make you unable to control yourself, what… should I do?”
Perhaps it was an unexpected question, as his hand paused for a moment. Then, he wrapped his arms around his waist and whispered back, as if sighing.
“Just breathing is enough.”
Even as he said that, he was clearly being cautious. Though their bodies were pressed together and his arousal was already hard, he didn’t even dare to cup his buttocks, his hands remaining on his upper body.
“Now that we know about Pheromones, we can’t lie to each other about our desires.”
“……”
“Right now, yours… is very strong.”
He froze for a moment, then collapsed onto Lee Hyun’s shoulder with a chuckle.
“It really is. Now everyone will know how often I desire Seo Yi-hyun. This is bad.”
At the end of his voice, tinged with a shy laugh, Rau turned his head and bit his neck.
“Ah.”
He sucked hard on the thin skin as if to leave a mark, then swept his hand around his waist and down into his jeans.
“Ugh… Mm.”
Lee Hyun’s chin lifted at the grip that clutched the flesh of his buttocks. Rau, who had been licking his tautly pulled neck, moved up and kissed his parted lips before sliding his tongue inside.
As he pursed his lips and sucked on his hot, wet tongue, Lee Hyun found himself rubbing his chest against Rau’s chest, and his penis against Rau’s penis, without even realizing it.
Rau slid his hand between their touching lower bellies. With a hurried yet precise movement, he unbuckled and unzipped, using his other hand, which had been massaging his buttocks, to push down his jeans and underwear all at once. Seeing Lee Hyun’s exposed penis, Rau’s scent intensified. His breathing became irregular, and his shoulders heaved as if he were angry.
His penis was visibly swollen, pushing against the front of his pants, indicating an erection. Lee Hyun’s hand trembled as it reached for his belt. Perhaps impatient with his slow movements, Rau placed his hand over Lee Hyun’s and began to unbuckle it himself.
From above, he showered Lee Hyun with kisses in a different direction, while below, he swiftly unbuckled his belt, unzipped, and revealed his penis.
“Mmm… Hhuk.”
Lee Hyun pressed his lips against Rau’s, pushing them together, and pressed their bodies close until their penises touched. The contact of their genitals felt like fire igniting his body. He felt like he was going mad. It was just the beginning, but the impatience to have him immediately was a foreign trait he had never seen in himself before.
“Are you excited?”
“Hh, hh… Hhuk.”
At his gentle, soothing whisper, Lee Hyun bit his lip and slowly nodded.
“Me too.”
Looking down, his penis, now more swollen than before, vibrated menacingly. A liquid with a strong scent was already dripping from its glans. It seemed to writhe, like a beast trapped in a cage, craving to run. The Alpha’s penis was ready for penetration and friction.
He lowered his hips, pressing the base of his penis against the root where Lee Hyun’s penis began, and rubbed upwards, thrusting. Lee Hyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from his fluid hip movements, which suggested direct sexual intercourse.
He felt stifled, not knowing how to express the explosive excitement he felt after so long. So, Lee Hyun moved his body. With every forward and backward sway, their flesh slapped together, and with each wet, clinging sound, his breath and shoulders would drop.
Their arms wrapped around each other’s bodies, their lower garments hanging around their thighs, they shifted their bodies to get closer to each other’s genitals, their movements not at all elegant. It was the complete opposite of nobility or sanctity.
He now understood why he could speak aloud the lewd words he had never even clearly imagined in his mind, and why he could directly demand hidden desires without being prompted.
He wanted that kind of liberation again. All the acts that people spoke of as forbidden, wrong, or improper. Yet, they couldn’t give up their curiosity, wondered about them, and some even performed them secretly in their own bedrooms. He wanted all of it with him. He wanted every last twitch of his muscles to be his.
“Mm. Mmm. Mm.”
His hands, which had been kneading the flesh of his buttocks, slid between his cheeks. One finger deliberately fiddled above his anus.
“During that time… did you masturbate here too?”
As he nodded, Rau let out a sweet sigh by his ear. As if he were imagining Lee Hyun putting his own fingers between his legs and feeling himself.
His fingers, which had been tracing circles as if massaging the entrance, pressed down on the skin as if about to penetrate. His body, stimulated, contracted involuntarily, and he tensed his buttocks. Lee Hyun clenched his fingertips as if pinching Rau’s shoulder.
“Lee Hyun-ah….”
His voice was languid, as if lost in a dream, or perhaps crushed by unbearable pain.
“It’s wet here….”
“Ngh.”
The moment he heard those words, Lee Hyun flinched, feeling a small lump erupt within him.
Completely aroused, he was now using his entire palm instead of just his fingers. From back to front. As he moved his hand between his legs, rubbing against the sensitive skin, he was completely losing control of his breathing. He seemed unaware of what he was doing.
“What should I do… I’m sorry… Seo Yi-hyun, for being so wet…”
As if he had accidentally spilled a cup on the table and wet the other person’s clothes, he mumbled a nonsensical apology.
Every time he exerted force as if to lift his body, Lee Hyun’s heels would lift. Their two penises brushed, rubbed, and bounced against each other between their hips. The scent was so overwhelming that it felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen. He couldn’t stop breathing through his mouth.
As he said, it was wet, and with every push and pull of his palm against his skin, a viscous liquid squelched from below.
“It keeps flowing, it’s sticky…”
He bent his large body and kissed and bit his neck, shoulder, chest… everywhere his lips touched, inhaling the scent. He seemed unable to contain his arousal, desperate to pour it out somewhere.
“Ugh, ngh… Just… a moment….”
Pushed back by his force, Lee Hyun had to hold onto his neck tightly to maintain his balance. He looked up with his eyes wide open, biting Lee Hyun’s nipple in his mouth and squeezing tightly.
After pushing the hardened nipple out of his mouth, he tapped it with his tongue tip and then pressed his palm, which had been rubbing between his legs, into a cupped shape.
“It shouldn’t leak out… Should I keep doing this?”
At the auditory stimulation, Lee Hyun bit his lower lip, and Rau lunged forward, stealing his lips. Unable to resist the force any longer, he collapsed onto the bed behind him.
Rau’s upper body covered Lee Hyun’s body as he sat down heavily on the mattress. Frenzied kisses poured over his naked body. He slid his knees under Lee Hyun’s thighs, pushing Lee Hyun further in. As they reached almost the center of the mattress, he bit the nipple Lee Hyun had been sucking on and pulled back painfully.
“Ah… Ugh….”
As Lee Hyun groaned, arching his head back from the dull pleasure, he released the nipple and began to remove his awkwardly hanging lower garments. Lee Hyun also pushed his jeans down to his ankles.
Instantly, he was naked first. He first removed Lee Hyun’s sneakers, then grabbed the back of his jeans and yanked them. The jeans, pulled off inside out, were thrown somewhere on the floor along with the sneakers.
Standing with his knees spread wide, he slowly slid between Lee Hyun’s legs. His thigh muscles were taut. Though his front was shadowed by the window behind him, the outline of his penis, which swayed heavily with his movements, was clear.
It wasn’t just Lee Hyun’s legs that were wet. The Alpha’s abundant pre-ejaculate, flowing down his penis, dripped onto the sheets, leaving marks.
Rau’s gaze, which swept over Lee Hyun’s entire body as he leaned halfway on the mattress with his elbows, was heavy. He grimaced and shook his head a few times, like someone suffering from a severe headache. Lee Hyun knew now that this was an attempt to suppress the effects of the Pheromone, even slightly.
Lee Hyun pushed himself up, grabbed Rau’s waist, and rose to his knees. Leaning on Rau’s arms wrapped around his waist for balance, he stood up completely and cupped his testicles with his palm, gently stroking them.
“Mmm—”
Seeing Rau’s face contorted in a low groan, Lee Hyun’s cheeks flushed.
His testicles, with their firm volume, clung tightly to his penis below without sagging, and they swayed heavily with each gentle pull and release. The vibration, stimulating his sexual imagination, made Lee Hyun’s breath falter.
Sensing this, Rau lifted Lee Hyun’s chin and kissed him. His other hand, which had been around Lee Hyun’s waist, moved down to his buttocks and stroked them upwards.
They didn’t need to use their entire bodies to elicit the desired reactions from each other. Even a slight movement was enough to put their reason in crisis.
Holding his shoulder with one hand, Lee Hyun stroked his stiff muscles, then moved his hand from his testicles to his penis. He cupped his thick, erect penis, so large that his thumb and middle finger couldn’t meet, and slowly stroked it upwards. The shaft, hot as if filled with boiling liquid inside, seemed to have reached its limit, ready to spill its contents at any moment.
The penis, with its distinct shapes making it hard to call it cylindrical, and particularly the part connected to the root, with its firm muscles like a frenulum, resembled his face with its strong features. However, while his face exuded a restrained sexual charm beneath its intellectual and refined impression, his lower body was extremely explicit.
Lee Hyun felt an urgent need, like someone needing to urinate, and repeatedly bit and released his lips at the sensation of the sticky fluid squelching between his palm and the bumpy penis, where the veins were clearly visible. His ragged breaths were completely disordered.
He tilted the penis, which felt like it would spring out of his grasp at any moment, towards his own genitals, and coated his penis with the translucent pre-ejaculate flowing from its glans. Just seeing that sight felt like he could reach climax. The hands gripping his shoulder scratched his skin impatiently.
“Awi is… completely wet too. It keeps flowing… it looks painful.”
His curiosity about his penis remained, just as it had been the day he first saw
“It doesn’t hurt… You know why it’s like this. Stimulate me harder.”
With their lips apart, Rau stuck out his tongue and pierced the mucous membrane behind Lee Hyun’s lips, then gently overlapped his hand gripping Rau’s penis. Rau’s hand was as hot as his penis.
“Shake it harder until it really hurts. Your hands… feel so good….”
Having said that, he pointed his tongue like a sharp tip and thrust it into his mouth. With his tongue held stiffly upright like an erect penis, he gently scraped the roof of his mouth, causing a strange tickle that made the back of his neck shrink. It was a completely different sensation from tickling the skin on the outside.
“Ughhh… Hmm.”
A groan escaped with each breath. As his demands were met, and the speed of stroking his penis increased, Rau let out a deep, suppressed sigh and loudly swished his tongue around his mouth.
He shook his buttocks, grabbed the flesh with his fingers spread wide, digging his nails in as if to tear it, and the hand below, which had been caressing him like he was being shredded, scraped between his legs with the edge of his hand.
Looking down at his fluids, which once again gushed from his glans and trickled down the back of his hand, Lee Hyun asked.
“Because of me… because of my pheromones, is this what happened?”
As he caressed the thin, delicate inner flesh between Lee Hyun’s legs, he tilted his head and rubbed his lips against his earlobe.
“Seo Yi-hyun is naked in front of me, and Seo Yi-hyun is holding my penis in his hand… even without pheromones, wouldn’t this… happen…”
At Lee Hyun’s touch, as he cupped his palm and began to rub the glans, Rau grimaced as if in pain and twisted one shoulder.
Lee Hyun thought his words were a lie. At least, a pleasant exaggeration mixed with some truth.
It was different from before, when he knew almost nothing about Alphas and Omegas. He knew that the pheromones of Alphas and Omegas were powerless and meaningless in front of Betas. No matter how sexually aroused they became and emitted pheromones towards a Beta, the other party felt no stimulation.
Alphas and Omegas could be sexually attracted to Betas, and they could have a wonderful time, but strictly speaking, it couldn’t compare to the pleasure derived from sex between Alphas and Omegas, where pheromones were at play.
Of course, physical pleasure alone couldn’t be the sole satisfaction of sex. Sex with a loved one offered a spiritual fulfillment that couldn’t be replaced by the chemical reactions caused by pheromones, which was why, rarely, Beta and Alpha, Beta and Omega couples existed in the world, continuing their relationships. Like Morae and Joo-han, like Ellen and Marcus.
But Lee Hyun wanted to achieve the ultimate communion and pleasure possible with Rau.
It wasn’t enough to prevent him from smelling anyone else’s pheromones. The mere awareness that someone else, some people, could reach the depths of him that he himself couldn’t reach, was unpleasant.
Whether the source of this desire stemmed from his inherent disposition, or from the Ghost inherent in Didi, it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t suppress it if the object of his desire didn’t refuse. He decided so.
“It’s gotten stronger…. Awi’s pheromones….”
Feeling his sticky pre-cum and the intensifying pheromones, Lee Hyun’s voice was almost trembling.
“Because you… make me feel good….”
His voice, as he said that, was indeed languid and pleasant. But it wasn’t a relaxed ease. His husky voice, locked tight and warming Lee Hyun’s ears, and his damp breath made his jaw lift and his lips part.
Lee Hyun withdrew his palm, completely wet with his pre-cum, from the glans. He traced the rough contours of his abdomen and chest, which repeatedly swelled irregularly as he suppressed his runaway arousal, and moved upwards. Covering his nose and mouth with his hand, he stuck out his tongue and licked his fingers in front of him. The rich scent made every pore on his body feel wide open.
“Is it strange?”
Rau’s eyes, watching Lee Hyun inhale his secret scent, were burning. His eyes looked like he wanted to enter Lee Hyun right away and thrust his hips wildly, yet he was still suppressing himself against immense desire and pheromones.
He smiled, looking down at Lee Hyun, but sweat beaded on his nose and forehead, and his hand, fumbling between his buttocks, was filled with longing for the narrow, hot passage within.
Lee Hyun wrapped his tongue around his middle finger and hugged Rau’s waist, rubbing their penises together. He reflexively moved his hips in a circle, creating friction below.
“Before, I didn’t know this was pheromones.”
He now understood why his past self had licked the hand that had been rubbing his lower body. He also understood why Lau Wikun had identified him as an Omega from the very beginning.
The fact that only Rau, out of everyone, could sense a part of himself that he hadn’t even been aware of… felt like a symbol, not just limited to pheromones.
Conscious of his scent, which flowed around him, not like perfume but as pheromones he had restrained so only he could enjoy them, Lee Hyun met his gaze.
“It’s strange, but… it’s more than that, it’s lewd.”
He spat a short curse between his teeth for a moment and, unable to hold back any longer, thrust his finger into his anus. It felt like a surrender of sorts.
“Hngh!”
It was a deep penetration that sounded like it would make a ‘thud’ all at once, but the slippery interior opened the way without resistance. As he had endured for so long, he frantically stroked the mucous membrane the moment he entered. He moved his arm rapidly, making his long middle finger catch at the entrance, generating heat.
It felt unbearably strange.
His hips bucked on their own. He gripped his shoulder, digging in, and scratched his back, the muscles rippling like a dance. His fingertips, sliding rapidly through the wet interior, had already reached a deeper area than where his own hand had been touching.
From Lee Hyun’s buttocks, between the pelvises that confined their two genitals, between lip and lip. The space between their two bodies was filled with squelching sounds, and the scent vibrated just as intensely.
“How could I… have thought this was perfume, I’m such an idiot. When I touch it with my hands… and when I squeeze inside, it reacts like this… like a living rhythm, drawing strength and weakness.”
“One tends to become dull to things one thinks are absolutely impossible.”
He said, looking at Lee Hyun ecstatically from beneath his lowered eyelids. Lee Hyun cupped his cheeks in his hands.
“Am I like that too?”
“……”
“Every time Awi thrusts inside, do my pheromones go wild too?”
He slid one finger over his middle finger and pushed it in, then scraped his teeth against Lee Hyun’s chin as he looked up.
“Seo Yi-hyun’s pheromones… are like a dizzying curve that rises without limit. That’s why I… can’t stand it. I become strange.”
“I want you to not be able to stand it. I want you to become strange. Like before.”
His fingers, increased in number, moved in and out rapidly, as if to tear the inside. The insertion, using the power of his entire arm, not just his fingers, seemed like it would lift Lee Hyun.
“As a wet Alpha… filling this place completely… until I beg you to knot me like before… should I rub inside a lot, a lot?”
Lee Hyun nodded vigorously. At the same time, Rau pulled the back of his thighs, disrupting his balance, and laid Lee Hyun down on the mattress. Lee Hyun, who had fallen onto the mattress in the scent, felt his pheromones surge strongly all at once.
Rau, kneeling on his knees, slowly entered between his legs. Once settled, he cupped Lee Hyun’s penis, which was glistening with their mixed pre-cum, in his long, hot palm.
“Ugh… ack.”
It was the pressure of Rau’s hand, not his own, which he hadn’t felt in so long. His lower back lifted off the bed. His lower body pressed tightly against his groin. Lee Hyun’s entire body, drenched in pheromones with anticipation for the hot, persistent thrusting and destructive shaking that was about to come, trembled. He couldn’t help but grip the sheets.
Skillfully stroking Lee Hyun’s penis to make it firmer, he slid down Lee Hyun’s legs, which were draped over his thighs, and grabbed his ankles, lifting them into the air. His ankles were brought together, and his crossed legs were draped over his right shoulder.
“Ha. Haa, hck.”
Lee Hyun’s breaths came in ragged, broken gasps. His hands, which had been gripping the sheets, now twisted them as if wringing them out. He couldn’t help but be aware of his shame, even as his entire body fully displayed his anticipation for what was about to be thrust inside.
Spreading his thighs wider apart to support Lee Hyun’s buttocks on either side, he positioned himself and, instead of aiming his glans at the entrance of his anus, slid his penis between Lee Hyun’s thighs.
“……”
That, too, was certainly a sufficiently stimulating friction, and his body trembled with excitement at his slow, undulating hip movements, but it wasn’t what Lee Hyun had expected.
“What… is this?”
“Have you forgotten what this is?”
He lightly bit Lee Hyun’s calf and smiled with a glistening face. Holding Lee Hyun’s leg on his chest, he moved his waist, which looked slender due to its lack of fat but was sufficiently thick, back and forth.
His forearm, hardened by intense exercise and labor, was completely erect, as if it were entering his perineum, indicating its limit. The throbbing pulse could be felt directly between his thighs, and the pheromones were at a level that aggressively blocked his nose and mouth. Yet, he was still being stubborn.
Lee Hyun bent his knees and gently pushed his shoulder with his toes. Then he shook his head.
“Come inside.”
“……”
He paused his hip movements for a moment, looked down at Lee Hyun, kissed his ankles and calves several times, and then rubbed the inside of his thighs again.
“It’s been too long.”
His body had accepted Rau without any problems the first time he had done so. There was no way insertion would be difficult in a state as thoroughly wet as this.
Rau felt Lee Hyun’s body stiffen as if rejecting it and stopped his thrusting again. He stroked his legs from the ankles to his pelvis, then placed them back down and bent over to press his chests together. He pushed back his hair and kissed his forehead, the bridge of his nose, and his lips.
“Next time… let’s do it next time.”
“No. You said you’d rub inside me as an Alpha.”
“Lee Hyun-ah….”
His voice, gently coaxing, was sweet yet pained by the continuous conflict between reason and instinct.
Lee Hyun traced his face with his fingertips and whispered.
“You didn’t want to do it with me?”
“What kind of talk is that.”
He reached down with one hand and wrapped it around his hot member. Even touching it felt like sparks would fly, so much did they desire each other. Gnawing his rough chin with his teeth, he tightly embraced his neck with the hand that had been caressing his face. Kissing his ear, his hand stimulated the glans. As if clinging to him, Rau supported Lee Hyun’s back, embracing him, and buried his lips in his hair.
“You’ve gotten this hard because you want to enter me… why are you holding back.”
He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to someone like this, not just him, but it felt natural, as if he had always been complaining to him.
Whether it was the effect of pheromones, or because the secrets that had blocked them had been destroyed, narrowing the distance, he didn’t know, but even after a year’s reunion, it was easier to treat him familiarly than before.
His glans, under direct stimulation, oozed pre-cum like a discharge. Regardless of what his reason said, his penis was clearly in pain. He, who was conflicted, shedding seminal fluid to the point where his hand and even his abdomen were wet, collapsed onto Lee Hyun’s shoulder and whispered in pain, as if pleading.
“I love you…. I really love you.”
“The Seo Yi-hyun you love wants it.”
“……”
He raised his head and met Lee Hyun’s eyes. Now exposed to his unblocked pheromones and resisting them, Lee Hyun understood, at least theoretically, how immense and absolute the force he was fighting against was.
It was impossible to explain with anything other than love that he could resist pheromones strong enough to break through perfect Golden defenses. Not all Alphas could endure this much, even if they were in love.
Lee Hyun cupped his face.
“Don’t suppress it. In front of me, be as you are. Whether you are an Alpha or a Ghost… I, Didi, am also a being outside the normal range that people talk about, so it’s the same.”
Lee Hyun’s face contorted with sadness, as if Lee Hyun being Didi was his own fault.
“Don’t hide anything from me. I want all of you. Even your dark, shabby, uncool parts. For us to start again… we must embrace each other with that resolve.”
As he rubbed his nose, Rau pressed his lips together firmly. Without using his tongue, he repeatedly parted and met his lips, looking at Lee Hyun with eyes that were blue and white like a crashing sea.
“Show me everything. Show me how your eyes change as proof that you made me an Omega… show me all the solitude you’ve been in…”
Swallowing the rising emotions, his eyes narrowed. He lowered his head and slowly kissed the depths of his neck, his ears, the hair at his temples, and his temples.
“It’s not shabby or uncool. I was terrified.”
“……”
“I was most miserably defeated by the Alpha instinct I kept refusing to accept… I tried to obtain you, even if it meant destroying myself, even in a deformed way. I don’t think that speaks to the depth of my love. I won’t hide behind pheromones as an excuse.”
The next moment, he raised his head and met Lee Hyun’s gaze again. His eyes were not soft. He was not conflicted.
“I will repay you with the rest of my life.”
He didn’t say it meaningfully. His whispering voice was like a light sigh. That’s why it felt even more sincere.
Lee Hyun smiled faintly as he stroked his face.
“I don’t want a relationship where we owe each other. I don’t want you to be by my side out of responsibility or guilt. Our relationship from here on… it starts with my choice.”
This time, Rau put a smile on his deeply furrowed face. It seemed like a smile that meant he would prove it over all the time to come, rather than trying to persuade him with words on the spot.
Turning his head, he kissed the palm of Lee Hyun’s hand that was cupping his cheek, and then he pressed his lips to Lee Hyun’s lips. Their soft flesh rubbed together, and he opened his lips. He extended his tongue through their parted lips, as if exchanging them, and intertwined. Along with saliva, they exchanged each other’s most secret body scent, their pheromones.
Below, his hips began to writhe again. His penis, bulging so much it was cumbersome, slid down his abdomen, and he kissed Lee Hyun’s chest, scraping his glans against his perineum.
“Hng… ack.”
Lee Hyun hugged his head and bit his lower lip. He propped his knees up and raised his heels. His toes instinctively tensed. He softly enclosed his nipples with the mucous membrane inside his lips and his tongue, sucking and gnawing the areola and the surrounding skin.
“Ah….”
Lee Hyun rubbed the back of his head against the sheet and lifted his chin. The head of his slippery penis was being rubbed against the entrance.
As if kissing or lingering, the glans repeatedly circled the entrance, touching and separating, then pushed in with a steady pressure. Lee Hyun groaned and slowly twisted his hips, feeling the mass of pheromones entering his body directly. He changed the direction of his jaw and looked down at Rau’s face, which was sucking his chest, and stroked his sweat-dampened hair.
The lower body, which retreated slightly and then penetrated deeper, seemed to open up only to be filled immediately. His pulse was transferring to him.
“Alpha….”
It was a murmur that escaped involuntarily, like a groan. Rau, who had been biting his nipples gently with only his lips, pulled them sharply and let go, then raised his head.
As he brought his upper body close to Lee Hyun’s body and approached his face, the insertion deepened as the distance closed.
“Haa… hck!”
Lee Hyun clutched Rau’s shoulders and trembled. His legs flailed as if trying to escape the ragged breaths. Rau, carefully observing Lee Hyun’s reaction with his glistening blue eyes, thrust his hips shallowly but rapidly, creating vibrations inside.
Because not all of him was inside yet, his groin and buttocks didn’t touch even when he thrust. Yet, from the moist junction, wet with the fluids they had shed, a messy squelching sound constantly emanated.
“Haa, hck… hck….”
It was the pressure of a heavy, large beast lying on top of him, making him unable to move. Lee Hyun gasped for breath, panting. Rau’s eyes, which were scanning Lee Hyun’s every reaction, were now completely unfocused. With each friction of his penis, he was becoming more and more liberated.
“Seo Yi-hyun… I missed you….”
He seemed to have much to say about the longing of just over a year, but he simply repeated that he missed him, his arm slipped beneath Lee Hyun’s back, holding him tight.
“I wanted you.”
“Hnn, ssk… Haak!”
“I wanted you so much… to touch your bare skin, to kiss your lips, anywhere on your body would be fine, but here… this, I wanted to rub against you… there were nights I masturbated all night long…. Did you too?”
As Rau asked, reaching out to grasp and stroke his own root, which remained outside Lee Hyun, not yet inside, scent flowed from him. It was as if someone had twisted his body like a sponge and squeezed out the pure essence of his pheromones.
Lee Hyun felt holes being punched through his own mind like a sponge and gasped for breath urgently. No matter how wide he opened his mouth, only his scent, which induced paralysis of reason, entered his lungs.
Clinging to him, holding him tight and sucking on his plump lower lip, he confessed the sublime, yet not so sublime, nights he had struggled with loneliness.
“I did…. Even when I hated you the most, the heat planted in my body remained the same… I resented… Awi.”
“……”
Even as they exchanged lewd whispers, Awi looked at Lee Hyun with an expression as if he had never heard a more noble confession of love. Or perhaps it was an expression of deep, bone-chilling self-reproach, taking responsibility for the loneliness Lee Hyun must have endured in this unfamiliar city.
Rau pressed his burning lips onto Lee Hyun’s lips, the area around them, and his cheeks.
“The pain or loneliness you must have felt… there wasn’t a day I didn’t imagine it…. How could the one who hurt you be me….”
“Ugh, hngk. Haa!”
Rau thrust his hips upward as if trying to fully mount Lee Hyun’s body, shaking his head with a contorted face. He had already stepped beyond the realm of the everyday and the sensible.
“Even though we were so far apart, even though I lost you because of that, I… I was going crazy with the urge to enter you and knot. I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Lee Hyun-ah….”
This time, it was a repetition of apologies. Like someone who had lost their most precious possession and gone mad, he poured out apologies, almost wailing, yet he did not stop the movements of his lower body, which were ravaging Lee Hyun.
Flattening his body, pressing his chest tightly against Lee Hyun, he rocked his hips, like a skilled jockey. As his hips swayed, his penis, which had retreated, descended with his hips, pounding into Lee Hyun, and the mattress creaked on the frame. It felt like part of the sounds of intercourse, as Lee Hyun’s mind was already more than half scattered.
“I’m sorry, I… I’ll do really well….”
It was a voice that whispered as if collapsing.
Both the words “I’m sorry” and “I’ll do really well” had been heard from him many times during their intimacy, if one thought about it. He now knew why the man who had always treated him so well had felt so sorry.
Lee Hyun stroked his thick, sweat-slicked shoulders and wrapped his arms around his neck. He wrapped his legs around his hips, which had not stopped moving throughout this entire conversation. Crossing his ankles at his tailbone and squeezing between his knees, he let out a beastly groan, as if deeply wounded.
“Lee Hyun-ah… Seo Yi-hyun… Seo Yi-hyeon….”
Even though Lee Hyun was before his eyes and inside Lee Hyun’s body, he moved his hips, calling out to Lee Hyun like a man burning with longing. His sweat-drenched face was contorted, it was impossible to tell if he was trembling with pleasure or howling with sorrow.
“I’m here…. Look at me.”
Lee Hyun pulled his hair to make him look at him. His unfocused eyes blinked a few times, as if trying to focus. Even his thick eyelashes were glistening with sweat. As if trying to see his face more closely, he gently brushed aside Lee Hyun’s hair that had stuck to his forehead.
“Ugh, ugh… Hngk….”
Lee Hyun bit his lip and rubbed his head against the sheet, feeling Rau’s groin press completely against his buttocks. Finally, his entire being was inside him.
His hips, which had been thrusting forward and backward, began to move in a circular motion. He was deliberately making the area around the junction stickier by rubbing against the coarse pubic hair. As he slowly rotated his hips, carefully observing Lee Hyun’s reaction, he was like a beast waiting for an opportunity to capture prey.
His thighs, which had been kneeling and spread in a V-shape, embracing the outside of Lee Hyun’s buttocks, moved further inward, lifting Lee Hyun’s hips.
“Kuh… Ht.”
As Lee Hyun’s hips lifted into the air, pressure was applied to their joined area. The entrance, stretched to its maximum, transmitted stimulation with the slightest change in direction. It was a part he never consciously thought about in his daily life, but at this moment, it was functioning sexually more sensitively than any other body part.
Rau seemed to capture and swallow every small reaction of Lee Hyun within his gaze, as if it were plump prey.
Bending over, he placed his hands on Lee Hyun’s shoulders, embracing his back. Lee Hyun moistened his lips with his tongue and swallowed dryly.
Holding Lee Hyun firmly so he couldn’t be pushed away, he began to thrust violently. Lee Hyun vividly imagined the internal fluids and Rau’s pre-ejaculate, pooled deep inside, splashing everywhere.
“Hk! Haa, ssk! Kkuhk!”
Lee Hyun, his torso completely fixed, writhed beneath him. With Rau pulling him down from above and thrusting from below, his strength was not wasted at all, being poured directly into Lee Hyun. It felt like his insides were being mercilessly beaten with a red-hot iron bar from a furnace.
Even though his thoroughly wet insides were not dry at all, with every friction, it felt like sparks were igniting where his penis scraped.
“Aaa, Ku… Kun… Hngk!”
“What’s wrong, Lee Hyun-ah…. Are you having a hard time? Is it because it hurts?”
“Haa… Haa, hng… Hngk….”
Lee Hyun bit his lower lip hard and shook his head. The penetration, which had seemed to weaken slightly, pounded into him with even greater force than before. Because his hips were propped up by Rau’s thighs, his legs were naturally bent at the knees, folded towards Lee Hyun’s chest, and his calves flailed uselessly each time the root of Rau’s penis hit the entrance.
Whenever his hands slipped with sweat, he readjusted his grip on Lee Hyun’s shoulders. There was no room to disperse his strength. He was already struggling just to breathe, yet his entrance was instinctively wriggling, gripping and releasing him.
He let out a strange groan, like someone being strangled, and buried his forehead in Lee Hyun’s shoulder. All the muscles in his broad shoulders and back stood on end, glistening.
As he slowly withdrew his entire body, the bodily fluids that had filled him flowed out. The itching sensation as the surface of his penis and the prominent glans scraped against the inner walls as he withdrew made his hips feel like they would fall out. His thighs spasmed.
“Kuhk! Hk!”
He withdrew, leaving only his glans, then, using the strength of his entire body, not just his hips, he thrust all the way to the root in one go. Lee Hyun could not even scream, only held onto his back tightly and swallowed his breath.
A powerful impact that made his fingertips, toes, and head ring, as it slid out and then plunged in deeply. He repeated this several times, lying on Lee Hyun’s chest.
Haaah… Huh….
Blinking his eyelids slowly, his lips parted, he lifted his head. Groaning as if savoring the pleasure of being surrounded by Lee Hyun, he twitched his hips finely.
“It feels like… dipping my penis into a narrow tube where your pheromones are boiling…”
It seemed his penis wasn’t the only thing that was hot.
Looking down at Lee Hyun through the hair that had fallen and stuck to his face, he wrinkled his nose and smiled. In the darkness of the backlight, his white smile, revealed during a mad sex, was alien.
“Seo Yi-hyun-ssi.”
At Rau’s playfully called, tight voice, Lee Hyun took a brief breath and gently stroked his hair.
“You’re still good at sex….”
His unexpected, sudden compliment was so odd that Lee Hyun let out a small chuckle.
“Even so, that… doesn’t seem right…”
“What’s so great about being good at sex? If you drive your partner crazy… that’s… being good, isn’t it?”
As soon as he finished speaking, he kissed Lee Hyun’s ear briefly and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Haa, hng. Hk… Kkuhk!”
Before he could even register the meaning of the sudden apology, at the moment of complacency when it seemed sex might be entering a lull, his breath was choked off as if someone had grabbed his neck with a rough hand.
“I think… I’m going crazy right now.”
Not just a symbolic expression, but as if a part of his mind had truly been pushed into an abnormal realm, Rau spoke, his eyes completely unfocused.
“So Seo Yi-hyun is… very good at sex…”
Unlike all previous knotting, there was no warning.
The pulsing of his genitals within his belly and the wave-like expansion of pheromones matching that pulse instantly stole the focus from Lee Hyun’s eyes as well.
During knotting, the repetition of thrusting in and out was unnecessary. Or rather, because it was completely adhered to the mucous membrane as if glued, the act of rubbing back and forth was impossible.
The penis itself repeatedly swelled and deflated, stimulating the inner walls in a way entirely different from rubbing. It was a pleasure that only an Alpha could provide.
He lifted Lee Hyun’s body, still holding him tightly, as he was. Lee Hyun, now straddling his thighs, his chest pressed against Rau’s, trembled.
“Ugh, hngg, hng… Haaak!”
Lee Hyun, trembling, flailed his limbs due to the pressure added by his own body weight inside him. His eyes became moist, and his lips parted involuntarily.
“I… I feel like I’m going to burst… my insides… quickly… no.”
Rau stroked Lee Hyun’s face, who was babbling in fear. As if prescribing a remedy for his terror, he put his tongue into Lee Hyun’s mouth, making him inhale his pheromones. Rau, who had hesitated to penetrate, had been completely consumed by the pheromones. This was also why he had tried to avoid penetration itself.
“Is it because it’s been so long… you forgot? Seo Yi-hyun, you can do this… several times in one night…”
Since his penis was completely stuck, preventing retreat and insertion, he vibrated his thighs, creating vibrations in Lee Hyun’s body, who was straddling him.
“Hngg, hng… Haa, ugh… Hk….”
Lee Hyun’s breath, which he was barely managing to catch, trembled.
“We both went completely wild… and crawled around the room, doing it again until morning…”
The trembling transmitted through his thighs, combined with the rhythmic pounding of knotting inside him. He couldn’t even properly process what Rau was saying. If not for Rau’s arms wrapped around his back, his hips would have collapsed, and he would have fallen backward.
Each time Rau’s penis and glans expanded and thumped against the mucous membrane, a shiver and a tremor that felt like reaching climax swept through his entire body. His flushed pheromones seemed to race through his blood vessels at a dangerous speed.
Lee Hyun, gasping with his lips parted, shook his head.
“No, th-this is… the first time…”
“The first time? What kind of first time?”
He licked the sweat dripping from Lee Hyun’s temple down his jawline to his neck, then licked his way back up. He brought his lips close to his ear and lowered his voice as if whispering a secret.
“The first time feeling… like an Omega?”
“…Hngk!”
He couldn’t help but react to the word Omega. His inner walls twitched greatly, squeezing him against his will. The rising sensation of orgasm shot him upwards.
Twisting Rau’s shoulders, Lee Hyun’s jaw dropped, unable to even make a sound. The intense pleasure from the repeated thrusts from behind was so overwhelming that he didn’t even realize he was ejaculating.
Rau, looking up at Lee Hyun’s face as he reached his climax, licked it and then ejaculated. Semen was forcefully expelled with a pressure so strong it made his mucous membranes tingle.
The ejaculation after knotting was pheromones themselves. The vibrating, lustful scent stung his nostrils. A scent that, no matter how strong, was not unpleasant, a scent that paralyzed all inhibitions that made one hesitate before the lewd act of spreading one’s legs and shaking one’s hips, made the moment of climax even more ecstatic.
Rau, holding Lee Hyun tightly, continued to thrust his hips until the long ejaculation subsided. The pressure of semen filling the inside, which he thought was completely occupied by his penis, and the feeling of fullness like his belly was stretching taut, was more obscene than he remembered. Even the sensation of his entrance being rubbed, widened, and pulled each time he thrust his hips was different from before.
“I’m… I’m going to come again… Haa, hng!”
He snatched Lee Hyun’s tightly bitten lower lip. Alternating his lower and upper lips with Lee Hyun’s, as if fitting puzzle pieces, they vied to swallow each other.
Below, as the knotting slowed, a viscous liquid began to ooze around his penis. The strangeness of bodily fluids flowing from a hole other than his penis contorted Lee Hyun’s face.
“Hk… Kkuhk!”
Without even having time to savor the sensation, Rau grabbed Lee Hyun’s hips and pulled out in one go.
As much as it had pressed inside with immense pressure, the friction caused by its withdrawal was also immense. His lower half felt like it would fall out. Lee Hyun even hit his shoulder with his fist. It was due to the overwhelming pleasure.
Rau immediately grabbed Lee Hyun’s hips and lifted him up. Lee Hyun’s thighs, supported by his knees, trembled. His brutally thick penis had been completely blocking the anus, which, unable to close immediately, gaped open. Even without seeing it, he could feel its lewd contractions and relaxations.
“I can’t stand… Ugh, hngk…”
“Hold onto me.”
Rau placed Lee Hyun’s hands on his shoulders and supported his hips more firmly. Lee Hyun couldn’t move, leaning on him as if pressing him down, only gasping for breath, due to the unfamiliar sensation of a mass of bodily fluids pouring down between his legs.
Rau couldn’t take his eyes off the area between Lee Hyun’s legs. He spat out a curse in a hoarse voice, suppressed by arousal. Lee Hyun, as if confirming a frightening sight, kept his head straight and carefully lowered his gaze.
The translucent liquid, a mixture of their semen and arousal fluid, was not just flowing down his inner thighs. It dripped in straight lines from the gaping entrance of his anus, pooling directly onto the sheet.
“Ugh, hngk…”
Lee Hyun clenched his fingers, which were holding Rau’s shoulder, and dug his nails into his skin. Each time Lee Hyun’s thighs and buttocks twitched and convulsed, his anus spewed out the excess secretions. While faintly feeling shame through the paralysis of pheromones, Lee Hyun, like Rau, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the lewd scene of excretion.
His hand, slowly tracing up his inner thigh, caressed the swollen flesh around the leaking entrance, then cupped his hand and collected it. He then rubbed his penis with the cloudy secretions that had flowed out of Lee Hyun’s body.
His dark red penis, still throbbing from the lingering effects of knotting, was like his heart pushed outside his body. Lee Hyun felt the urge to put it back inside him. Like his penis, which showed no signs of fatigue immediately after knotting, his own sexual desire also felt inexhaustible.
Lee Hyun licked his dry mouth and struggled to open it.
“If it flows out like this… isn’t that… not good…?”
Rau, whose attention was focused on Lee Hyun’s legs, tilted his head and looked up at the ambiguous pronoun. Red blood vessels were clearly visible in his whites. Still catching his breath, Lee Hyun carefully added.
“Is it okay if it all comes out? Does that… not matter?”
“……”
Only then did Rau understand what Lee Hyun was worried about, and he scowled intensely. He sprang up on his knees and lunged at Lee Hyun’s lips.
“Mmm, mm. Hmmm.”
Like a beast burying its face in the fragrant flesh of its prey after extreme hunger, he conquered Lee Hyun’s lips in various ways. His hands, gripping the buttocks from which pheromone-infused liquid flowed, seemed intent on twisting them to squeeze out every last drop of fluid within.
“Are you worried about that?”
He buried his face in Lee Hyun’s shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh. His pained voice continued.
“What… what should I do with you? Come with me, Seo Yi-hyun. Or I’ll stay here. I don’t need anything else. It would be better if I… became a fool only you know. Stay with me. Okay?”
The pheromones, endlessly drenching Lee Hyun’s senses like crashing waves, and his rambling, drunken words, proved his arousal had surged past a certain point.
Rau quickly turned Lee Hyun’s waist. Standing close behind him, he hugged Lee Hyun’s waist and pushed him forward, almost lifting him. He grabbed Lee Hyun’s wrists and brought them to the headboard, where a pillow was propped.
“Hold on tight.”
Unlike the bed in his Seoul home, this was a thin piece of plywood that looked flimsy. As Lee Hyun fumbled for the edge of the headboard, Rau positioned himself directly between his legs.
Looking back, Rau met his gaze, his eyes alone moving. Without changing his expression, his hands, which had been fumbling between his buttocks, moved up his waist and pressed down on his back. As he awkwardly bent his upper body forward, his buttocks naturally jutted out further. The thought that his parted hole, his testicles, and his penis hanging upside down would be fully exposed to Rau beneath his raised rear made his shoulders and waist twist.
“Ugh… Ugh. Hhuk.”
Into the narrow crevice, still damp with the remnants of the first knotting, a heavy mass with its smooth glans leading the way slid in. Just because the entry was easy didn’t mean the pressure felt was simple. Moreover, unlike the first time, the inner walls were now highly sensitive.
Lee Hyun’s body trembled, and he had to grip the headboard harder, just from the glans parting and sliding in, filling him snugly.
“Krr, Hhuk!”
The shaft and swollen glans of the penis scraped the inside as it withdrew, stopping near the entrance, then plunged back in with a single thrust, striking deep inside his body. The action repeated rapidly. Even as he braced his arms, pushing against the headboard, his body kept sliding forward. The faster the thrusting became, the more his knees crumpled the sheets, pushing him forward.
“Ha, Ha-eu, Hhuk… Hhuk.”
Rau, pressing his chest against Lee Hyun’s back, peered over his shoulder, watching Lee Hyun’s every reaction. When Lee Hyun bit his lower lip to suppress his moans, Rau reached out, pulled his lip away, and made him bite his own finger instead.
“Ugh, Mm. Mm. Hhm!”
As he pursed his lips, Rau’s middle and index fingers rubbed furiously against his tongue. From both below and above, a wet, rapid penetration was happening simultaneously.
The laughter that had occasionally erupted from the next room had also fallen silent at some point. Perhaps they had noticed the cause of the rattling sounds, stopped their party, and were focusing all their attention on this room. Even so, there was no way to stop this.
Rau’s fingers, which had been touching various spots on the delicate lining of his mouth, withdrew, leaving saliva pooled on the pillow and sheets. It dripped down his jaw, but he had no time to wipe it away.
Rau’s ragged breaths, right by his ear, were not normal. He sat up, wrapped his arm around Lee Hyun’s left thigh from the inside out, and lifted his leg.
“Stay with me, Seo Yi-hyun. Okay?”
With one leg raised, the angle of the penis inside changed. In that state, Rau’s erection swelled.
“Aa-eu, Hh. Hh-eut!”
After being rubbed and pounded in every corner, thoroughly soaked, the second knotting was delivered into the softened, melting inner walls.
Lee Hyun, still gripping the headboard, collapsed forward, moaning as if begging, calling his name. Yet, Rau didn’t let go of his leg. He propped his own left leg under Lee Hyun’s thigh, pressing their joining point even closer. Lee Hyun released the headboard, slid down, and slammed into the pillow, tearing at it.
With his body bent forward, his buttocks were raised even higher, and Rau’s knotting pulsed within them. With one leg raised like a dog urinating, his anus, spread wide towards the outside, dripped pheromone fluid like the dog’s drool.
He felt like he was going mad. He buried his face in the pillow, trying to hide the wails that were completely different from his usual moans, like he was sobbing.
“Answer me….”
He was demanding an answer, but Rau, holding him tightly so his waist couldn’t drop, was thrusting his hips in the throes of knotting, seemingly hearing nothing.
“Only you… can break my control, and give color to my ghost-like life. If it’s not you, I…”
Before he could finish speaking, the second ejaculation began.
As his insides were pounded with heat, Lee Hyun involuntarily rocked his hips and turned his head on the pillow. With half his face hidden by the soft pillow covered in white fabric, he looked back at Rau. Unlike Rau’s hips and legs, which were jerking back and forth in the heat of their coupling, his expression as he looked down was so earnest that Lee Hyun wanted to say anything. But as Rau shook his entire body, inside and out, it seemed impossible.
Before completely surrendering himself to the intensifying pheromones, he managed to whisper only “I love you.” He wasn’t sure if it reached Rau’s ears.
■ ■ ■
He opened his eyes not in his room, with its sink opposite the bed and the old desk in front of the two windows at his feet.
Lee Hyun blinked, scanning the view that came into focus. It took a moment to grasp where he was and how he had ended up lying here.
It seemed to be fully daylight, but the sky visible above the long, connected windows was still low and dark, just like yesterday. It didn’t look like it was snowing.
“Ah…”
His sluggish consciousness finally recalled reuniting with Rau in the snow last night. His heart immediately began to race, as if he were back in that moment. The events that followed also surfaced one after another.
The studio apartment near ‘The Hands,’ where he sometimes stayed.
As his consciousness regained some function, the lingering traces of last night on his body elicited a pained groan. His lower body felt heavy. His buttocks, in particular, were numb, as if bruised.
Though there was a slight burning sensation from being rubbed so much and pounded by knotting, not a single spot was torn or injured, despite holding something so thick and hard and enjoying sex for so long. He knew now that this was generally impossible and was due to the inexplicable interaction between Ghost and Didi.
As he snorted, thinking about how ignorant he had been about the differences between Alphas and Betas, and the sex that occurred between them, he became aware of a body heat pressed against his back and regular breathing.
Come to think of it, a heavy arm, completely devoid of strength, was draped over his side, loosely holding his lower abdomen.
He had truly returned. And before he had even received the painting.
Or perhaps, he had been waiting in the same place, and now he had found his rightful position.
He lay there for a while, feeling the weight of Rau’s arm and his peaceful breathing. A group of children ran down the alley, laughing and chattering with excited voices. The snow had stopped, but it had piled up quite a bit overnight, and they were probably racing through the neighborhood, looking for untouched fresh snow.
Listening to their receding cheerful voices, Lee Hyun carefully turned over. He wanted to see his face.
Wrapped snugly in the sheet, Rau slept embracing him, yet he was naked. The heating from the radiator had its limits. With the window taking up almost one wall and the curtains left undrawn last night, the room air was not very warm. Yet, Rau didn’t seem to feel the cold at all.
He wanted to share the sheet, but he felt it would be a shame to wake him when he was sleeping so soundly.
Among the several pillows on the bed, they were sharing just one, nestled together. He hadn’t drunk alcohol, yet parts of his memory were deleted, and he couldn’t recall how they had ended up in bed. His legs and inner thighs weren’t sticky, so he must have showered, or Rau had wiped him with a wet towel… the latter was more likely.
His last clear memory was of being limp in Rau’s arms, receiving the fourth or fifth insertion without the strength to even lift a finger, let alone shower.
With his arm bent under his temple, lying on his side facing Lee Hyun, Rau’s lips were tightly closed, his brow furrowed. Because of that, he looked exhausted. The area from his jaw and under his nose, up to his neck, was broadly bluish.
Lee Hyun, whose face was just within reach of Rau’s elbow gently brushing his hair, carefully extended his hand from under the sheet that completely enveloped him. He gently stroked Rau’s short, stubbly beard with his fingertips.
Since Rau didn’t flinch, he seemed to be in a deep sleep. Feeling the prickly sensation, Lee Hyun played with it for a long time before subtly observing his expression. Unlike a moment ago, his thick, long eyelashes occasionally fluttered faintly.
“You’re not sleeping, are you?”
Even though he asked in an intentionally tiny voice, he couldn’t hide his terribly hoarse throat.
“…Was it that clumsy?”
Rau’s voice, like their long and violent night of intimacy, was also hoarse.
At the voice asking with a serious expression, eyes closed, Lee Hyun smiled slightly. Rau, also with his eyes closed, smiled and pulled him closer, embracing him tightly.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“Thanks to someone keeping me warm all night. Not at all.”
Lee Hyun asked cautiously, his nose touching Rau’s neck, and Rau, rubbing the shoulder he was holding, replied firmly.
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“I’m a little… scared.”
“Of what?”
Lee Hyun, finding it strange that Rau would say he was scared, lifted his face from Rau’s neck and looked up at him, smiling.
“……”
Rau, who couldn’t answer readily, the man with the strong, large body and the power to protect himself economically and socially, Lee Hyun thought he knew what he feared.
He was cowering, hiding himself, perhaps afraid that if Rau’s eyes met his own, which had changed color, Lee Hyun’s gaze might falter for even a moment, or that he might see himself waver with contempt or disgust, even for a fleeting instant.
Lee Hyun rubbed his nose against the tip of Rau’s chin and said,
“We agreed not to hide, remember?”
“……”
Rau’s dense eyelashes fluttered. After blinking a few times, he slowly raised his eyelids, and the eyes looking at him were still Rau’s.
“Your lips are swollen again. Your eyes are a little red too.”
Rau’s hand gently touched Lee Hyun’s lips and the corners of his eyes.
He used the word ‘again,’ as if the days they had been together madly almost every day were just a few days ago, erasing the distance of time.
“You can see all that?”
At Lee Hyun’s question, Rau shrugged and let out a low laugh. Then, pulling him closer, he buried Lee Hyun’s face in his shoulder again.
“Because we’re this close.”
He knew Rau was avoiding eye contact because he didn’t want to show his eyes, but Lee Hyun gently pushed his chest away and lifted his chin to look up at his face. Then, he took Rau’s chin and gently pulled it down.
Looking closely, his eyes looked different not because of the pupils, but because of the color change in the iris. The pupils, designed not to absorb light, remained black. But the iris, bleached white for an inexplicable reason, had expanded abnormally, almost obscuring the black pupils.
As the iris muscles moved, causing the pupils to constrict in bright light and dilate in the dark, his pupils were severely distorted by the expanded iris. Although they grew larger and smaller with each blink, it was clearly an abnormal state.
The iris, almost entirely devoid of its usual blue hue, retained only a pale, white-like gray. However, the iris patterns, which differ from person to person, remained, making them sparkle at different angles, like a prism projecting light or intricately carved marble. It was by no means an artificial, snowball-like white. And certainly not a ghostly eeriness.
Lee Hyun cleared his throat a few times to steady his cracked voice.
“I don’t know what others would say if they saw it. But to my eyes… it’s so beautiful.”
“……”
“Don’t hide it. It’s pretty.”
“……”
“It’s like a snowball.”
He remained silent. He simply looked at Lee Hyun with a complex expression, as if love, gratitude, and a faint, sad happiness were choking his throat.
As Rau had said he wasn’t cold, his warm palm, radiating heat, covered his cheek. The large palm covered his entire cheek, passed his ear, and slowly stroked through his hair.
“If you see it that way, then it’s enough. Whether the world calls me Ghost, or has completely forgotten that beings like me exist… it doesn’t matter anymore.”
Rau said this in a calm tone, as if there was nothing dramatic about it, as if he had made up his mind long ago. He brushed back Lee Hyun’s bangs and pressed his lips to his forehead for a long time. The gentle stroking of his hair felt lazily pleasant, and Lee Hyun quietly closed his eyes.
“My hair has grown a lot, hasn’t it?”
“…Hmm?”
“Yooni Noona cut it for me sometimes, and I went to the salon, but still, it’s much more than last year…”
Lee Hyun paused his story and lifted his chin to look up at Rau.
“When was the last time you were here, by any chance?”
This time, Rau couldn’t meet Lee Hyun’s eyes for a different reason, rolling his pupils. Then, with a sigh of resignation, he confessed.
“Two weeks ago…?”
“If you saw me two weeks ago, you can’t say my hair has grown that much.”
He understood Rau’s ambiguous reaction from earlier. Lee Hyun chuckled and lowered his head again, resting his forehead on Rau’s lips.
“I couldn’t see you every time I came.”
Rau’s low, husky voice continued quietly.
“If I was lucky, I might catch a glimpse of you going out or returning from an outing, but there were limits to how close I could get.”
“So you mean… you came all this way and just went back?”
Rau laughed lightly, as if it were nothing, and pulled Lee Hyun into a tight hug.
“Even if I couldn’t see you, just knowing you were nearby was enough value.”
Lee Hyun couldn’t laugh. It wasn’t because the money and time Rau invested were proof of his love. If he switched places and imagined it, he could easily imagine the emotions Rau felt, and he could empathize with them… which was precisely why he couldn’t react in any particular way.
He placed his arm, extended from the sheet, around Rau’s side and pressed his lips gently onto the shoulder before him. Rau twisted his waist, pressing their bodies closer, and tightened his grip on Lee Hyun’s shoulder.
They remained like that for quite some time. As if savoring the fact that they had finally reunited at the end of a long, passionate night.
And after a long while, Rau pulled Lee Hyun away from his chest.
“You must be hungry. I tormented you for too long without feeding you anything.”
His voice was deliberately raised to hide his emotional turmoil.
“I’m fine…”
“I don’t have much here since I don’t cook, but I’ll make something simple for you.”
Lee Hyun grabbed Rau’s wrist as he started to get up and looked up at him.
“Instead, give me coffee. I’ll have coffee.”
Rau looked down at him for a moment, seemingly reluctant to give him just coffee, then nodded and squeezed his hand once before letting go. He then took out new underwear from the closet next to the bed, put them on, and walked off the mattress towards the kitchen.
Black boxer briefs that came down about half a span on his firm thighs. His underwear preference was the same. Lee Hyun, realizing the person before him was truly Rau from these small details, felt his heart race again.
Whether it was love, pheromones, or a combination of both, refusing him, even after being apart for over a year, was impossible. If Rau had come to him during that time and pleaded for his love, he would have surely surrendered to his longing without having enough time.
It was fortunate that they met again now, and that he was the one who had understood his heart.
Soon, the room was filled with the fresh scent of coffee. Just smelling the coffee made his head feel a little clearer.
Standing in the cramped kitchen, which was no more than a makeshift one in his underground studio in Seoul, Lee Hyun watched him make coffee in his underwear. He gathered his heavy, sinking body and leaned back against the pillow.
Perhaps it was his imagination, but all his movements seemed a little slower than usual, yet he seemed to have no trouble handling tasks he was familiar with within his usual radius.
Feeling a little relieved, Lee Hyun shifted his gaze. The clothes he had carelessly shed and thrown on the floor last night were neatly folded and arranged on the table.
Imagining him, who could barely see, wiping his body with a wet towel and tidying his clothes in the pale darkness while he slept, made his heart ache.
Come to think of it, it was the same in Hong Kong. Even during that time when he had first inserted, when his first Changing had occurred, likely completely unexpectedly for Rau as well, he had tidied all his clothes neatly before leaving the hotel prior to his waking.
That morning, why he had no choice but to disappear. Why he was wearing sunglasses when he reappeared.
Tracing the truth of the past, which he now understood, Lee Hyun looked again at his back, as he meticulously brewed drip coffee as if simmering herbal medicine.
“Um, when did I fall asleep?”
He turned around as he set the pot of hot water upright.
“Hmm… After the third knotting, while I was caressing your back, I went to kiss your face, and you were asleep.”
“Ah… I’m sorry.”
He glanced back over his shoulder with a slight smile and placed the pot completely on the shelf. Then, bringing two mugs over, he briefly glanced at Lee Hyun’s upper body exposed on the sheet.
“It’s been a while, and I pushed you too hard… I’m sorry.”
Following his gaze, Lee Hyun looked down. His chest, stomach, and sides were blotchy with the marks of biting and sucking. As he took the mug he offered, Lee Hyun pretended to shift his position, pulling away from the pillow and propping his knees up to cover himself.
Rau, instead of teasingly exploring the traces of the night and reliving the heat, simply sat at Lee Hyun’s feet, pretending not to notice, and drank his coffee.
Even though it had been a while, they had already intertwined their bodies countless times, and it wasn’t the first time they had revealed themselves to each other in a state of complete loss of control. Yet, it felt as shy and awkward as a couple waking up after their first encounter.
As if grateful for something to drink, both of them focused on drinking coffee for a while. Or at least, they pretended to.
Rau, who had been drinking coffee while looking down somewhere on the floor with a thoughtful expression, was the first to break the silence.
“Last night… the things you said.”
He, who had been sitting with his side facing Lee Hyun, slowly turned his head towards him. The color of his eyes, to which he was still unaccustomed, made him flinch every time they met, but it wasn’t due to revulsion, but beauty.
He puffed out his shoulders and chest as if about to utter difficult words, then slowly deflated them, exhaling in short breaths.
“Can I think of it as… you accepting me again?”
Rau, with his feet on the low frame supporting the mattress and his arms loosely resting on his knees, looked relaxed at first glance. However, the hand holding the mug and his arm were taut with pulled muscles and bulging veins.
Lee Hyun placed his mug on his knees covered by the sheet and traced the surface with his hand, biting his lower lip. Then, he looked directly into his eyes, which had turned white as proof of his transformation.
The fact that the traces of their sex were clearly etched onto his body, just as the heat and the sensation of his forcefully parted body, and the endless pouring of his semen, still remained within him, subtly satisfied a deep-seated possessiveness and desire.
As Lee Hyun nodded cautiously, the tension left his shoulders and chest. But he didn’t seem completely relaxed.
If he hadn’t come after seeing the painting sent to Seoul, last night’s encounter was an unplanned, unexpected situation for him. He still didn’t know what process Lee Hyun had gone through to reach today’s decision.
Lee Hyun also had many questions. But none of them were gaps that could be resolved with a few words of conversation right here and now. They were scars that needed to be slowly erased over a long time. Until then, even if they felt a little anxiety, impatience, and thirst for each other, it wouldn’t necessarily mean the relationship was wavering.
Rau, loosely holding Lee Hyun’s ankle on the sheet, parted his lips several times before finally speaking with difficulty.
“After drinking this, can we go out and have a proper breakfast… and stay together until evening?”
Lee Hyun hesitated before answering.
“Ah… I’d like that too… but I want to keep my regular work hours strictly.”
He immediately smiled and nodded in agreement, but his face as he brought the coffee cup to his lips seemed to be trying hard to hide his disappointment. He knew it wasn’t disappointment from prioritizing work over time with him, but simply regret over the time they couldn’t spend together, so he didn’t want to disappoint him consecutively. But precisely because of that, it seemed better to say it in advance.
“And tonight… I have a small party I’ve been invited to externally.”
The early Christmas party hosted by ‘Late Blooming’ happened to be tonight.
“I think I’ll have to stay there until around 10 o’clock.”
His hazy irises, which had been rapidly contracting and expanding, slowly returned to their place after reading the disappointment on Lee Hyun’s face. The hand holding Lee Hyun’s ankle gently moved up his calf, stroking it as if massaging.
“Then, shall I come pick you up around when it ends?”
Lee Hyun hesitated for a moment before nodding. He wanted to spend as much time together as possible within the limited period, and so did Rau. He hoped he wouldn’t misunderstand.
“When are you returning to Seoul?”
He tilted the mug in his right hand and drank coffee while massaging his calf with his left, furrowing his brow and looking up at Lee Hyun over the tilted mug.
“I plan to stay here. Didn’t we agree on that last night?”
“……”
He clearly remembered Rau muttering something like that.
Let’s be together. I’ll stay here.
But at the time, they were both completely intoxicated by pheromones…
Rolling his eyes and lost in thought, Lee Hyun soon realized he was joking and let out a soft chuckle a beat late. It was still sometimes difficult to keep up with his jokes.
“You probably know from Yuni… Phantom is undergoing renovations right now. Manager Han gave me a week off, so I had a gap… I was scheduled to return on the 27th.”
The 27th was now about five days away.
“We can… stay together for Christmas.”
“You’re not changing your plans because of me?”
Lee Hyun shook his head and lightly waved his mug.
“For Christmas, at least…”
He was expressing his desire to spend time together and showing his longing for Lee Hyun by expressing regret over situations where they couldn’t be together as much as he’d hoped… but Rau seemed even more cautious than that. It was as if he was constantly questioning whether he even had the right to ask for shared time.
Lee Hyun felt pity for him, but he knew that Rau’s burden was his own, stemming from the weight of the past that couldn’t be easily absolved by a few words like ‘I forgive your sins.’
Suddenly, at a faint chuckle, Lee Hyun looked up.
“It feels like a dream.”
Rau was looking at him with an expression and voice as if he were seeing a dream unfold before his eyes.
“Making plans to meet again like this… waking up holding you after spending the night together and starting the day… it feels like a dream that someone is about to burst.”
He placed his mug on the bed frame, leaned forward, and buried his face in Lee Hyun’s propped-up knees.
Lee Hyun gently stroked his hair. Rau slowly lifted his head, resting his chin on Lee Hyun’s knees, and met his eyes.
Strangely, emotions were conveyed even from his pale irises, which seemed to have lost their pigment. His eyes looking at him were like a snowfield glittering in the sunlight.
“But no matter who it is, I won’t let them burst it.”
His statement, filled with determined resolve, made Lee Hyun’s mouth feel dry. He casually covered his face with the back of his hand, avoiding his gaze. The strength with which he grabbed his wrist and pulled it down, interlocking their fingers tightly, made him meet his eyes again. Rau was looking at him with a serious expression, his brow deeply furrowed.
He laid their clasped hands on the mattress and leaned his upper body over Lee Hyun’s propped-up knees. The kiss, pressing and releasing the surface of his lips as if he didn’t know how to use his tongue, was like a clumsy first kiss.
Lee Hyun, tightening his grip on the mug to prevent the coffee from spilling, thought.
Last night wasn’t their first sex, but it was their first morning together after being intimate. He felt he would remember this morning for a very long time, perhaps forever.
Thank you for the update!!