By Zephyria 
The sedan was leaving the airport expressway, crossing Banghwa Bridge, and just entering Gangbyeonbuk-ro.
With the Han River between them, the skyline of Yeouido appeared in the distance. It had only been a little less than a week since he’d left, yet the scenery outside the car window looked different.
Travel had always been a part of Lau’s life since childhood, but whenever he returned to his original residence after traveling to another city, this subtle sense of misalignment, more so than jet lag, always bothered him.
It felt as if someone had secretly changed a part of the city while he was away. A change so subtle it was hard to notice, yet it made the city no longer feel like the familiar place he once knew. Or, it was like returning home after being out, and feeling a lingering unease as if someone had rummaged through the house….
Gazing at the approaching cluster of buildings with an indifferent gaze, Lau Wikun swept his hair back and clenched it in his hand. A strange competitive spirit arose, wanting to find the precise metaphor for this peculiar feeling he had always experienced since childhood.
He gathered his brows, his fingertips brushing against the stubble that had grown rough during the flight, which had lasted over twenty hours, including the layover at JFK Airport in New York.
It was like… seeing an ex-lover with whom he had been deeply in love for a long time, but who had now become a complete stranger. Someone who once felt inseparable, belonging to him, but who now had no impact on each other’s lives….
Lau scoffed at the thought of making such an uncharacteristically grand comparison and released the hand holding his hair. He had never experienced anything like a long-term love, after all.
As he fumbled in his jacket pocket to take out a cigarette, he suddenly glanced at the passenger seat. Seeing Lee Hyun’s sleeping face, deeply settled into the seat, he put the cigarette back and shifted his gaze back outside the window.
He could no longer believe that only a long love could bring about an unbreakable, profound bond.
“This is the only material I could find regarding the existence you described.”
What Marcus had handed him was a diary, so old that calling it old was an understatement; it looked like an artifact from at least the 19th century.
For about two months since he first told Marcus about Lee Hyun over the phone, Marcus had tried his best to find even the smallest piece of information. While Marcus’s personal and academic curiosity played a role, it was also because Lau, who was usually so composed, was in such desperate need of help and answers, that Marcus knew he was in serious trouble and wanted to help in any way he could.
Marcus was a quirky individual, famous among large European antique dealers as an ardent fanatic of the legend known as the Ghost, which had remained an unpopular legend. Because of this, whenever even a small item related to Ghosts appeared on the market, Marcus was the first to be contacted.
This time, Marcus acquired the diary from a dealer in Vienna, Austria, for a relatively good price of 1,000 euros. For him and Marcus, it was valuable, practical material, but for dealers who considered Ghosts mere delusions of a few enthusiasts, it was just an old, not particularly valuable novel left by an unknown individual.
Marcus speculated that the diary’s owner was one of Lau’s ancestors. It was a fact that in the mid to late 19th century, his father’s maternal family, a noble house that had fallen due to political strife, had used one of the Ghost lineage members as a means to restore their wealth and honor. The dates written in the diary overlapped with this period.
After the harsh atmosphere of the Middle Ages, which treated Alphas and Omegas as aberrations or demons, had completely disappeared, Alphas and Omegas were highly popular in European courts at the time. There were countless royals and nobles across Europe who wanted their sons or daughters to become Omegas to secure advantageous arranged marriages.
According to the family’s narrative, the secret to their family’s rise was their superior sense of timing, which anticipated international trends, and their bold strategy of attempting close social engagement with royal families across Europe, beyond Britain. But in truth, it was the establishment of wealth and networks through another form of prostitution: creating Omegas through sexual intercourse.
Now, the family had fully regained its former status, and even if a Ghost were discovered among their lineage, there was no longer a need to “sell their bodies” as before. However, the ability to transform Betas into Omegas could still be a subject of secret transactions among perverted members of the upper class. At the very least, it was a good material to be used as a symbol of power and dominance.
Lau could only tell Lee Hyun that it was to protect himself from those who desired an exceptional Golden Alpha as their successor, but the real reason Lau’s parents chose divorce was to protect him as a Ghost.
Even if Ghosts were merely legends discussed on programs like “Truth or Dare” to the general public, for Lau’s father’s maternal family, Ghosts were a tangible reality and a secret source of pride. They believed that the next Ghost could emerge from their descendants at any time, and Lau’s parents wanted assurance that their son was free from that possibility. As soon as he was diagnosed as an Alpha, they visited Marcus, with whom they had maintained private contact.
And the test results were the opposite of their wishes. The probability of a person who had won the lottery three times in a row, and then survived a near-death experience three times in a row, dying from a trivial tetanus infection. Their son had hit that near-zero probability: he was a Ghost.
If that diary was indeed a trace of his ancestor, as Marcus suspected, and if the diary entries Marcus had briefly summarized were true, then he could no longer blame his parents’ choice as an overly extreme defense.
The diary, which was not filled completely, recorded events sporadically over about a year. The owner of the diary, who had been “working” for the family across various European countries, was dispatched to Austria during a turbulent period. There, he found himself strongly drawn to a male Beta who was a servant to the person he was contracted to turn into an Omega.
The noble guest from England, who had come for a secret transaction, and the Beta, who was from the lower class, were in a relationship that was impossible solely due to their difference in social status. Moreover, the person the diary’s owner was supposed to turn into an Omega was the servant’s master.
However, the two were consumed by a passion that felt like their bodies were on fire, perhaps due to pheromones. Despite knowing the danger that both could lose their lives if it was discovered that the Changing was being attempted more frequently on the servant than on the contracted party, they could not exercise any reason.
If Austria had not collapsed due to Austria’s defeat in the Austro-Prussian War, putting the family that commissioned the Changing in danger of collapse, and if the diary’s owner had not been treated as a troublesome burden and forced to leave Austria in the ensuing chaos, he would have met a dishonorable death in Austria with his lover, whom he had named “Diamond Dust,” his “Didi.”
The phenomenon Lee Hyun had spoken of, where ice crystals glittered in the air catching sunlight, had not yet acquired the name “Diamond Dust” at that time. Even if such a name existed, the reason the diary’s owner gave it to his lover was not because of that.
“According to the diary, as long as you are by his side, it’s impossible to resist the power of pheromones trying to bind you both. This is even more true if you are mentally in love with him, drawn to his human charm itself, regardless of the pheromones’ effect.”
Recalling Marcus’s worried face, Lau glanced at the passenger seat again. Lee Hyun’s face, with his eyes closed, was serene. Looking at Lee Hyun, who was transforming into an Omega because of him, Lau felt an indescribable, overwhelming joy that made every cell in his body tremble, coupled with a painful ache that felt like his heart was being compressed and its blood squeezed out.
He could endure any pain. As long as Lee Hyun didn’t try to push him away, as long as he didn’t lose him.
Huuuum… Letting out a breath like the groan of a mortally wounded beast, Lau reached his arm towards Lee Hyun’s cheek. He wanted to feel more of his warmth and touch, still beside him, still saying he loved him.
Lau’s hand, reaching for Lee Hyun’s cheek, stopped as he felt the vibration of his phone in his pants pocket. The caller was Shushu.
[You’ve arrived, right?]
The first words spoken as soon as the call connected were as aggressive as expected.
[I have something to tell you when we meet. I know you must be tired, but make some time. I’ll come to your place instead.]
“Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I’m… really exhausted right now.”
Lau rested his elbow on the window, rubbed his temples, and lowered his head.
[I waited until you finished your trip in Boston to avoid ruining your mood. You must have rested enough on first class, so just meet me for a moment.]
The voice on the other end of the phone was resolute, as if it had been brewing for a long time. Realizing that refusing wouldn’t resolve the issue, Lau replied stiffly.
“Then let’s meet outside. I don’t want to… make anyone uneasy.”
Shushu didn’t bother to ask who the person was that Lau didn’t want to make uneasy. They didn’t seem interested in such things.
As he ended the call and was about to turn his weary gaze back to the window, a cautious voice came from the next seat.
“What was that call about?”
He had tried to be quiet, mindful of Lee Hyun, but it seemed he had woken him up. Lau composed his expression and turned his head. Lee Hyun was looking at him with a stern face.
“It’s Shushu. They seem to have been waiting for my return.”
“Did they perhaps… find out….”
Watching the worry deepen in his lover’s eyes, he shook his head slightly.
“I don’t think so. Hong Seonyu isn’t so foolish as to think they can get what they want from Shushu by revealing it now. Besides, telling them would only result in them being resented by Shushu once more.”
Massaging Lee Hyun’s shoulder, which seemed to relax slightly, Lau changed the subject.
“I’ll hire someone separately to prepare the luggage you need to take to New York, so don’t worry about anything and just focus on your paintings. You seemed to have done a lot of sketching on this trip.”
Lee Hyun stroked Lau’s arm resting on his shoulder and managed a faint smile. He looked as if he couldn’t quite grasp the reality of leaving this city in two weeks.
“For work… I’ll have to tell Manager Han in advance, but what about Baek Yuni and Kwon Juhan?”
“I’d like to tell them directly…”
“Then let’s all have dinner together on Friday evening, the day after tomorrow. I’ll ask Manager Han not to tell the kids until then.”
“Should we invite In-woo Hyung too?”
Lau faltered at the name, licked his lower lip, and rolled his eyes. Then, taking out a cigarette he had been holding back while Lee Hyun slept, he said in a casual, nonchalant tone.
“Ah… that guy will just egg Baek Yuni and Kwon Juhan on, so let’s meet him separately later. For now, let’s deal with the Phantom family first.”
Facing Lee Hyun, who nodded, Lau smiled with the cigarette in his mouth. He felt increasingly burdened by the need to feign composure and smiles in front of him, and he gripped the cigarette pack tightly in his hand. Behind them, in the western part of the city, which was subtly but distinctly different from before he left, the autumn sun, which had grown noticeably shorter, began to set.
■ ■ ■
Seated at the furthest window seat, far from the entrance, Lau gazed out at the window where a light autumn rain was drizzling. In the approximately five days he had been away, the temperature in Seoul had dropped significantly. The trees in the hotel garden below already displayed the full colors of autumn.
The change of seasons always felt sudden. It was especially so during the transition from summer to autumn. Just the day before, the maximum temperature would exceed 30 degrees Celsius, making the month of September seem irrelevant, but overnight, the temperature would drop sharply enough to require a trench coat. And before one could properly enjoy the autumn foliage or the clear, high skies, winter would arrive in the blink of an eye.
And this time, he would leave this city before that short autumn could deepen. He hadn’t expected to leave at this time and in this manner, but it didn’t matter. As long as he could escape here safely with him, the destination didn’t even need to be New York. The next step could be considered after that. He was prepared to bear any material or temporal loss.
Lau, with his arms resting on the armrests of the minimalist cube-shaped sofa and his crossed knees, was about to reach for the on-the-rocks glass placed before him when someone approached silently on the dark carpet and stopped in front of the table.
“Seonyu, please help me arrange a solo exhibition at Phantom.”
“…….”
Looking up, he saw Shushu standing there with a stern face. Lau averted his gaze and picked up his glass.
“Sit down.”
After asking the waiter, who had come to take orders, for another on-the-rocks glass, Shushu poured himself the whiskey Lau was drinking and emptied half of it before the ice could even dilute it. It was unusual for Shushu, who didn’t enjoy strong alcohol, but Lau didn’t react to it.
“Did Hong Seonyu call you and act pathetic while I was in Boston?”
Since the other party didn’t seem inclined to draw out the preamble, Lau brought up Hong Seonyu’s name immediately.
It wasn’t an unexpected development. Hong Seonyu, who had “begged” him for a solo exhibition in Seoul in the hotel study in Chicago, had seemed willing to sell his soul to the devil. If he was desperate enough to seek him out, it wasn’t difficult to imagine him turning to Shushu as the next step.
Shushu, who had been silently clenching his lips despite Lau’s aggressive remark, stared intently at the glass in his hand and began to speak.
“I’m being disadvantaged by the gallery I’m currently affiliated with. They’re continuously excluding me from exhibitions and interfering with my work by demanding revisions during the conceptualization stage. This is an insulting interference that infringes on an artist’s creativity, and it’s essentially pressure to leave the gallery on my own.”
Hmm… Lau took a deep breath with his lips closed. He pressed his eyelids with his palms, but it was difficult to control his emotions.
Hong Seonyu’s actions were within a predictable range, but he hadn’t expected Shushu to react like this. He didn’t want to bring out the emotions that were starting to boil in his heavy mind. Even without doing so, he was already at an emotionally dangerous level.
The lounge bar, with its high ceilings, featured several rectangular windows, approximately three stories high, creating an antique atmosphere. Lau absently fiddled with the satin curtains that hung long from the top of the windows, reaching the ceiling, trying to cool his head.
“Do you know why that person ended up being treated like that? Are you saying this knowing that?”
Shushu didn’t answer. However, his gaze, which briefly met Lau’s before shifting away, was enough to infer that he knew the inside story and was asking Lau to help Hong Seonyu despite knowing it.
Lau withdrew his hand from the curtain and scoffed, shaking his head.
“So you’re doing this even though you know. What is it? Is Phantom a charity? No, charities don’t help someone who sold their body to succeed. Putting aside the fact that they ruined their own life, how… how can you even say the words ‘help them’? Are you some kind of saint?”
As if regretting the emotions that had surfaced against his will, Lau bit his lower lip so hard it turned white and reached for his drink.
“Wasn’t it you who said that in order to have one’s work properly recognized, the work itself isn’t enough, and management that can present it attractively is essential, Lau Wikun? Not every creator is fortunate enough to meet a gallerist who diligently takes care of them.”
Rau, who had been resting his arm on the armrest and looking down at his toes, turned his gaze askew towards Shushu.
“In my opinion, Hong Seonyu has received excessively undeserved praise until now, and has enjoyed enough good fortune from that alone? Thanks to giving his ass to the gallery’s old owner.”
“……”
“Jeong Se-in, no matter how important the gallery’s role is in promoting a work, not everyone uses their ass to gain recognition.”
Hong Seonyu was having an affair with the owner of the gallery he belonged to. He was likely one of the many young lovers kept by the wealthy old man. Although he was pretending to be in his twenties by American age, he was already thirty by Korean age. Rau didn’t want to know, nor did he need to know, the reason why Hong Seonyu was removed from the old man’s Boy toy list.
If his talent had been sufficient, there would have been plenty of galleries willing to work with him even if he had been cast aside by the old man who no longer found his body attractive. However, there were no galleries willing to recruit a vain artist who, through plausible wording and strategic promotion, would overpackage paintings worth less than $5,000 and sell them for $15,000. Rau could not see marketing that laid the groundwork for proper evaluation and marketing that inflated value for blind profit as the same kind.
A few people bustled around the piano near the entrance for a moment, and then a live jazz performance began. It was a gentle piece and performance, not enough to disrupt conversation, and while all the other guests seemed to be enjoying the jazz performance on a rainy autumn night, the sweet melody did not reach two people at all.
In the silence, Shushu’s lips quivered several times as if about to speak, after staring intently at Rau’s face for a long time.
“Seonyu, the reason he became so pathologically obsessed with success….”
In front of Shushu, who was cautiously revealing Hong Seonyu’s past and family circumstances, completely unaware that Rau already knew the story… Rau had to painfully stimulate the guilt he had carried within him for the past few years.
Moreover, surprisingly, as he listened to the story, Rau began to think that Shushu and Hong Seonyu might have shared more conversations than he expected, and perhaps… shared deeper communion. Rau was well aware of his father’s business failure, but the subsequent, more severely twisted, pathological obsession with success was a postscript he hadn’t known about and hadn’t been interested in.
Shushu was talking about the specific and individual history of Hong Seonyu, the human being, about a depth of understanding that was difficult to grasp solely through one party’s one-sided interest.
Shushu was talking about the back of a human soul, inaccessible unless one opened up their own abyss and the other listened with deep, trusting affection and non-judgmental patience, in other words, unless they were in an intimate relationship like lovers.
Whatever the initial purpose of the approach… perhaps during his time with Shushu, Hong Seonyu hadn’t treated him solely with pretense and acting. Perhaps the more than three years they spent together hadn’t been just a show put on with a cruel and even tragic, crude script.
Rau didn’t want to think that now. He didn’t want to understand Hong Seonyu in any way.
“That… doesn’t seem like a sufficient excuse for trading sex with the gallery owner for success.”
As Shushu’s story roughly concluded, Rau, like someone wanting to ignore a possibility he sensed, hastily declared his conclusion. Seeing Shushu’s face harden with disappointment and resentment, Rau repeated to himself that this was a choice for him. And he drove the point home.
“It’s even more obvious that it’s not a valid reason for what that guy did to you.”
“……”
“Considering what that guy did to you… I can’t understand why you’re acting like this. Jeong Se-in, I’m telling you this because you seem to have forgotten, that guy didn’t love you. For such a long time, in such a dirty way, he… used you.”
Even as he saw Shushu’s face contort with hurt, Rau continued to provoke him, thinking he had to make him face reality if he didn’t want him to be swayed by Hong Seonyu any further.
“Why are you acting like this? What does it have to do with you whether Hong Seonyu is kicked out of the gallery or expelled from the art world? Do you still have lingering feelings for him? Surely you don’t… still love him?”
“Do you think only the love between you and your genius boy is valuable?”
Shushu’s voice held no trace of emotional sarcasm; rather, it sounded like words that had passed through reason rather than emotion, without any strain, but the content alone was enough to prick Rau.
He moistened his lower lip with his tongue and looked at Shushu with a gaze that had grown cold.
“……Why is that coming up?”
Unlike Rau, who expressed his emotions aggressively, Shushu, as if anticipating his reaction, said with calm eyes.
“It’s not only relationships where both parties approached each other in the same direction and with the same depth that remain as love.”
Rau’s gaze became even more askew. Shushu continued after a short pause.
“If Lee Hyun turns his back on you first, do you think you can cleanly let go of your feelings for him for that reason? Do you think you can brand him a traitor and immediately correct the name of your feelings for him?”
“……”
He couldn’t say anything.
He couldn’t say anything, but his mind was boiling. He wanted to scream that this was different from that, but for a moment, he wasn’t sure. Whether this and that were truly so different.
He moistened his lower lip with his tongue and bit down hard. Turning his gaze out the window, Rau let out a heavy sigh and raised his glass, draining the drink.
Shushu had hypothesized Lee Hyun’s betrayal, but in the actual relationship between Lau Wikun and Seo Yi-hyun, the ‘traitor’ was himself.
He wanted to defend himself, saying it was incomparable to what Hong Seonyu had done to Shushu, but after that night, the second time he had Changed Lee Hyun, which was no longer a mistake, the existence of another self who viewed all situations and processes with cold clarity and treated himself like trash was undeniable.
How Lee Hyun would react to his ‘betrayal.’ As soon as he started thinking about that, he couldn’t answer Shushu’s question.
He wanted Lee Hyun to forgive his betrayal, to pour out accusations, curses, insults, and resentment, and to beat and break him until he felt relieved… relying on his words that he loved him, that was Rau himself.
“I don’t think Seonyu did well, neither with past nor present events. And I’m certainly not trying to cover for him. But… strictly speaking, he didn’t commit any illegal acts or crimes.”
“Are you even saying that….”
“But that’s the relationship between me and Seonyu from his perspective. What doesn’t change is that, regardless of what Seonyu thought when he was by my side, I loved Seonyu. Just because the other person’s love for me was mixed with lies, does that mean my love for the other person has to be a lie?”
Sigh…
He could only rub his face with his palm and swallow a sigh. The line between good and evil, which had been so clear before, separating Hong Seonyu from what was not Hong Seonyu, was becoming blurred, and he found it unbearable. Rau was too overwhelmed with his own problems to expend energy on matters related to Hong Seonyu. His nerves were growing thinner, so fragile that he couldn’t endure even the lightest feather.
“Yes, back then.”
Massaging his eyelids, Rau opened his mouth.
“Let’s say you approached me with the intention of deceiving me, so I had no choice but to be deceived. But you’re going to let him use you or me one more time? What if it doesn’t end with this one time? Don’t you think he’s capable of doing just that? Do you want your life to be swayed by him again now?”
Rau looked at Shushu, shaking his head. Had the past, where he not only lost his lover but also had to give up dance because of it… the devastating time he had to go through to stand up again by holding a camera, all faded within you now?
“I understand your feelings of hostility towards Seonyu as my friend. As you said, it’s true that Seonyu has received excessive praise through dishonest means. So now, even if it’s a harsh evaluation… I just want to help him get the opportunity to start again with a proper evaluation.”
“……”
“Yes, if you can’t help, I’ll solve it with my own strength. Fortunately, thanks to meeting a diligent gallerist, I’ve reached a position where I can offer that much help.”
Was Shushu always this unyielding? Where had the sensitive and delicate artist, emotional and indecisive, gone?
No, perhaps he had noticed. Shushu’s photographs had been subtly hinting that he was no longer a ‘helpless victim of life’s tyranny’ who hid, ran away, averted his gaze, and collapsed.
After emptying the wine in his glass and saying goodbye, thanking Shushu for his time despite his likely fatigue from his travels, Rau drove the point home. Even if he had become stronger, even if he had broken free, he couldn’t stand by and watch him willingly become a ‘victim’ again.
“Don’t bother with useless effort. I could even prevent Hong Seonyu from selling a single drawing in the Korean art scene.”
“I thought you had changed a little thanks to Lee Hyun, but it turns out you only changed for Lee Hyun.”
“……”
“I know this isn’t the way you like it, and you might see it as foolish, and even if you’re worried about me… this is foolish me, and it’s the way I love. Don’t I have the right to live my life foolishly?”
Shushu stood up as if he had no lingering attachment. He moved away from the table, his footsteps silent on the plush carpet, and even after he had moved away, Rau didn’t look at him. He turned his head towards the rain-streaked window. His own reflection appeared on the glass, like a silhouette floating in the darkness.
A man, haggard and exhausted, cornered, yet willing to abandon everything else to hold onto the one thing in his grasp.
No matter where he looked or what he faced, he couldn’t escape the greed of that specter, that ghost that resembled himself, that lived within him.
■ ■ ■
Joo-han, who had been listening silently to the conversation flowing across the dining table, took a long swig of beer, then set the bottle down with a frown.
“What are you talking about?”
It was less an expression of displeasure and more of confusion, as if he hadn’t fully grasped the meaning. Rau, seated opposite Joo-han, evaded his question by raising his glass and drinking wine.
“You’re joking, right? How can you wrap things up here in two weeks and go to New York?”
With a scoff that suggested disbelief, Joo-han looked around at the faces of the people seated around the table. Realizing that no one was meeting his gaze, his face stiffened.
“What… you all knew, and I didn’t?”
“I only found out when I went on my business trip.”
“And yet you kept quiet?”
Joo-han retorted roughly to Yuni’s words, and she too looked up and glared at him. As a tense atmosphere built between them, Manager Han lightly placed a hand on Joo-han’s shoulder and pressed it down gently.
“Joo-han, let’s not be emotional. This isn’t the time for that. We’re here to discuss this formally, and Yuni is also hearing the detailed decision for the first time.”
“……”
Although he closed his mouth, Joo-han’s expression remained defiant. His gaze wandered erratically, as if he had been thrown into the midst of confusion. Rau, looking down at Joo-han’s hands, which were gripping the beer bottle so tightly that the knuckles of his dry hands turned white, touched the slender neck of his wine glass and spoke with a raspy voice.
“Before the Chicago business trip, both the trip team and the joint exhibition team were incredibly busy. We postponed the discussion until after the trip because we didn’t want to make you all more distressed and unable to focus on your work. I hope you can understand the timing of when we brought this up.”
“Let’s say bringing it up now is fine. But going to New York in just two weeks… that’s too sudden. Two weeks is….”
“Two weeks is too short a time to accept and prepare for a farewell?”
“……”
Rau, pinpointing Joo-han’s perspective of viewing the situation from a personal standpoint, bit his lip, gripping his glass as if to break it. Then, trying to use his gentlest voice, he spoke again.
“It’s not always the best approach to just wait, working diligently and persistently. If you lack the judgment and action to boldly seize an opportunity when it arises, Phantom wouldn’t exist now.”
“……”
Joo-han stopped protesting, but his face showed no attempt to hide his bewilderment and hurt. Looking at Joo-han, who resembled a child who had just been told his parents were divorcing, Rau pushed aside the plate in front of him, rested his arms on the table, and leaned forward.
“I’m not leaving to start another company; Phantom is expanding. It’s not something to be upset about. Once things are stable there, it can create new opportunities for you all. Instead of struggling to adapt by starting from the bottom at another gallery, you can work at Phantom’s New York branch, isn’t that exciting?”
“……”
Despite Rau’s efforts to lighten the mood, Joo-han’s expression did not ease. This time, Rau turned towards Yuni, seated at the head of the table.
“Hey, Baek Yuni. They’re calling you to New York soon. Cheer up, man.”
Her face was as stiff as Joo-han’s. However, she seemed deeply engrossed in her own thoughts.
“I have something to say.”
Everyone’s attention focused on Yuni as her voice, tinged with tension, broke the silence. Fixing her eyes on her empty plate, she spoke in a calm, even tone, yet with a tremor.
“I’m thinking of going to Paris.”
Rau raised his glass and let the wine flow into his mouth. He had opened a good wine for this important occasion, but he couldn’t taste it. Looking down at the swirling dark red liquid in his glass, Rau said.
“The Hands?”
It was a subdued voice, more of a confirmation of a known fact than an expression of surprise or suspicion. Yuni looked at Rau with surprised eyes for a moment, then, as if it were no surprise that he knew, her expression changed, and she nodded.
“I was offered it when I was in Chicago. It was unintentional… the timing overlapped with the New York branch discussion, but that’s not why I made up my mind.”
As if she didn’t know why she was making excuses, Yuni smiled bitterly and lowered her head.
And for Manager Han and Joo-han, who knew nothing about this matter, she briefly explained the situation in a calm but seemingly difficult voice. In fact, there was no need for a long explanation; the situation was clear.
“No one will think that accepting that offer means you’re betraying Phantom.”
“Manager Han!”
At Manager Han’s reaction, Joo-han grabbed her shoulder roughly and shouted. But he swallowed his words at her calm gaze as she turned to look at him.
“It’s an offer you received based on your efforts and accumulated skills, and we know you’ve been consistently working hard because you want to work in a city where art is more actively practiced. Moreover, if it’s a global organization that doesn’t borrow the identity of a specific country or city, it seems like the best opportunity for you?”
“……”
Grasping Yuni’s arm lightly, Manager Han gazed deeply into Yuni’s eyes, which were shaking erratically.
“You’ve been preparing for this all along, so why hesitate now that you’ve received an offer from a good place? By working so hard for Phantom until now, you’ve fulfilled your obligations to them.”
Though Yuni nodded at Manager Han’s words, her eyes still held a mixture of hesitation, guilt, and confusion.
“Representative, say something!”
Joo-han was several times more agitated than when he’d heard that Rau and Lee Hyun were leaving for the New York branch opening in two weeks. No one in that room was unaware of what Joo-han and Yuni meant to each other, how the two, cast out by their families, had relied on one another.
It wasn’t difficult to surmise that Baek Yuni had found it hard to speak to Joo-han before making this decision. Though he was currently raging with shock and excitement, Kwon Juhan would likely come to understand her feelings in time.
“It’s Baek Yuni’s life. What do you expect me to say?”
Knowing this, Rau deliberately poured cold water on Joo-han’s excitement with even more coldness.
“You’re leaving Phantom, so Baek Yuni is acting like this! It’s your responsibility, so you fix it!”
Yuni raised her voice at Joo-han’s fierce accusation this time.
“Kwon Juhan, what are you talking about? Do you think I made this important decision just because of some rebellious impulse? I didn’t decide for that reason. I don’t even think you’re leaving Phantom.”
“Oh, really? What can I do when both you and the Representative look like you’re abandoning Phantom?”
Clenching his teeth and glaring, Joo-han spoke, then roughly pushed his chair back, stood up, and snatched the jacket draped over the backrest.
“Is this how it’s going to be, after all these years of sticking together… just to receive a notification that everything’s decided? If you were going to claim sole ownership of your own lives like this… why didn’t you just draw a clear line and keep things strictly professional from the start? If this is how it is, why have you been acting like friends… like family until now?”
No one could offer a plausible rebuttal to his words. Joo-han’s reaction was immature and emotional, but at least those present, the very people who had built their relationships together, couldn’t bring themselves to scold him with objective judgment and tell him to stop his childish talk.
Faced with the unrefined cry of a child who wanted to believe that life was lived with precious people… they couldn’t pretend to be adults, with mature voices, saying no, that life was ultimately each person’s own burden… as if that were a bitter realization granted by time and experience.
As Joo-han picked up his phone from the table and turned to leave, Rau spoke in a low, tightly controlled voice.
“Take a souvenir.”
Joo-han glanced down at the shopping bag filled with miscellaneous travel souvenirs, distributed beforehand and placed under the table before the meal began. Instead of picking it up, he looked at Lee Hyun, seated next to Rau, and said with emphasis, as if issuing a warning.
“I told you, didn’t I? He’s not someone you can stop when he decides to leave. He might be kind and gentle, but he’ll never let anyone truly deep inside, nor will he let himself in.”
“……”
“You should think carefully too.”
Revealing the coldness emanating from the raw wound of his rough departure, Joo-han left the restaurant without looking back. Only after the sound of the door being deliberately slammed shut from the entrance beyond the living room reached them did Rau sigh and rise from his seat.
Aware of Lee Hyun’s gaze following his profile, he offered a stiff, awkward smile and briefly squeezed Lee Hyun’s shoulder. Though he did it hoping Lee Hyun would feel reassured, Lee Hyun’s upward gaze still held concern for him.
Gathering his cigarettes and lighter, Rau walked to the window and leaned against it, the window half-open, and lit a cigarette.
Looking at the reflection of the three people in the glass, mirroring the room like a mirror, he inhaled the smoke deeper and exhaled lower. The memory of laughing and chatting together over barbecue in the garden just a few months ago felt like a lie, and he clicked his tongue and smiled, shoving his free hand into his pants pocket.
Lee Hyun’s figure, occasionally glancing this way in the dark glass, seemed like an elusive phantom. An image was formed on the glass, but when he turned around, it wasn’t there in the actual space….
Thinking his sentimental imagination had increased disproportionately, Rau let out a dry, mocking laugh and pressed his forehead against the glass.
In the silence where no one dared to step forward, the sound of the front door opening and closing suddenly cut into the dining room. Everyone’s gaze turned to the entrance of the dining room, connected to the living room, with the expectation that Joo-han might have returned.
“Kwon Juhan stormed out, totally pissed off, why’s he like that?”
But it was Choi In-woo who appeared, shrugging his shoulders.
“What are you doing here?”
Rau crushed his half-smoked cigarette and immediately adopted an aggressive stance. The timing was not good.
“I was about to ring the bell when Kwon Juhan came running out. So I just came in?”
“Why are you here when you weren’t invited?”
“I only heard rumors of your return and you didn’t contact me, so I came out of curiosity. What, is there a problem?”
Looking up at Rau’s face, which had moved in close, his brow furrowed as if he were about to shove his shoulder, Inwoo smirked provocatively. Then, confirming the faces of the three people beyond his shoulder, he shook his head.
“Hmm… it seems there is a problem. This isn’t Phantom overflowing with love and happiness, is it?”
Manager Han, who had been lost in thought with his elbows on the table, covering his mouth with a lightly clenched fist, stood up.
“I’m going to leave now. Yuni, let’s go. I’ll give you a ride.”
Manager Han, gathering his trench coat and briefcase, let out a heavy sigh and then spoke with determination.
“If CEO Ryu says Phantom is mine, I can’t refute that. But… the shock and disappointment the kids are feeling, that’s something CEO Ryu has to accept. The owner made the decision and wants it done, so I’ll proceed as instructed, but as someone who brought Phantom this far with them, it’s not a situation I can fully accept.”
“I don’t think of it as mine. If Manager Han hadn’t come with me from Hong Kong, Phantom wouldn’t exist.”
Rau, standing near the dining room entrance behind Manager Han, spoke, carelessly running a hand through his hair.
“Yes, I don’t doubt CEO Ryu’s thoughts on that. But fundamentally, and on paper, Phantom is CEO Ryu’s property. If you had prepared with more time and respect, it could have ended without anyone getting hurt, so why rush like this and push it through now… honestly, I still don’t fully understand. You weren’t that ambitious about success or influence. Or, are there many things I don’t know about CEO Ryu?”
After speaking, Manager Han looked briefly at Lee Hyun. By mentioning taking Lee Hyun, who hadn’t even officially debuted yet among Phantom’s many affiliated writers, to New York, Manager Han had likely confirmed the relationship between the two that day.
With the guilt of having kept their relationship secret, Lee Hyun lowered his gaze, but Manager Han’s eyes held concern and worry, not resentment. Rau, fixing his gaze on Lee Hyun’s bowed head across the table, murmured powerlessly, like a man drained of all his venom.
“You can’t know everything about someone… As Kwon Juhan said, I’m a person who can’t let anyone in deeply.”
Lee Hyun’s face, unusually pale today, slowly turned towards him. Looking at the small face that trusted him, that was pouring all its strength into loving him with a wounded, young heart, he felt himself slowly sinking into an irredeemable abyss.
“In that case, even if there are facts I haven’t told anyone here… it wouldn’t be surprising.”
With a dazed gaze and voice, he added resignedly, then roughly pushed Inwoo’s shoulder and returned to the window to find his cigarettes.
Manager Han’s voice followed him.
“I hope you don’t say things like drawing a line between personal and professional regarding Joo-han’s reaction. It’s the result of CEO Ryu not treating the kids solely as employees.”
Before leaving the table to follow Manager Han, Yuni placed her hand on Lee Hyun’s shoulder, and Lee Hyun silently squeezed Yuni’s hand tightly.
No one spoke until the sound of the two leaving the restaurant, crossing the living room, and disappearing out the entrance was heard. Under the table, only the shopping bag with the souvenirs they left behind remained.
“Isn’t this Cubey sushi? What a waste.”
Inwoo flopped down in the seat Manager Han had occupied and looked around the table.
They had been served luxurious omakase sushi, specially prepared by a regular restaurant that didn’t offer takeout, for dinner, but everyone had only touched it formally, and the food was almost entirely untouched.
“It’s fine, just leave it.”
Rau stopped Lee Hyun, who was hesitantly getting up to clear the dishes, with a low voice. Lee Hyun looked back and forth between Rau and Inwoo, then quietly put down the plate and ran a hand down his arm.
“Then I’ll… go downstairs.”
As Lee Hyun said he would go downstairs, Rau, feeling relieved, was about to crush his cigarette in the ashtray when Inwoo called out to Lee Hyun, who was turning to leave the dining room.
“Lee Hyun-ssi, how are you feeling? Has it gotten worse during your travels?”
“Yes… thanks to you….”
Ignoring the tense atmosphere, Lee Hyun answered stiffly, with an awkward expression at Inwoo’s attempt at casual conversation.
Rau brought the cigarette he was about to crush in the ashtray to his lips and took a deep drag. His hand, gripping the window frame behind him, instinctively tightened.
“You know that psychosomatic conditions are harder to cure completely, right? If you lose your appetite or feel nauseous again, come to our hospital anytime. Even if I’m not at the hospital, I can meet you personally and treat you anytime, so leave the medical consultations to me, okay?”
“Yes, thank you….”
Pretending not to notice Lee Hyun’s awkwardness, Inwoo turned and took a sip of the wine someone had left unfinished on the table.
“We had a big incident at our hospital while you two were away on your business trip. After experiencing that, I really felt that you never know when or where something might happen to a person.”
Holding the wine glass, Inwoo turned back, resting his arms on the back of his chair, and chuckled meaningfully, raising his eyebrows.
“Always be careful, Lee Hyun-ssi. There’s no harm in being careful.”
“……”
Though unsure of Inwoo’s subtly emphasized intention, Lee Hyun nodded. Then he looked towards Rau, standing by the window.
Feeling betrayed but unaware of it, and instead seeing the warm light in his eyes that worried about him, Rau let out an inner groan, roughly stubbed out his cigarette, and quickly approached him.
“You must be tired. Go down and rest a bit.”
Putting an arm around his shoulder, he led him out of the dining room. All he could think about was isolating him from Inwoo as quickly as possible.
Glancing back at Inwoo, who was sitting at the table, Lee Hyun hesitated, seeming reluctant to leave the two of them alone.
“We’ll have a drink together. I feel like getting drunk today anyway, so it worked out well.”
It took considerable energy to act as if Inwoo’s visit was no bother, and even better, to joke about it. Nodding thoughtfully, as if fully understanding his desire to get drunk, Rau embraced Lee Hyun’s neck, played with his long hair, and whispered low, telling him to go to bed. Then, he gave a brief kiss at the stairs leading down to the studio.
Lee Hyun, still looking worried, kept looking back at Rau as he slid down the banister. Leaning his shoulder against the wall, Rau looked down at him and made a playful gesture of wiping away tears, which finally made Lee Hyun offer a faint smile.
The moment Lee Hyun disappeared from his sight, Rau’s smile vanished, and he strode across the living room to the dining room. He immediately lunged at Inwoo, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him up. The wine glass Inwoo was holding fell, spilling dark red liquid onto the table, but he didn’t care.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Doing what?”
Inwoo didn’t even try to push him away, just tilted his chin up.
“You find this situation amusing, don’t you?”
“……”
“Yes, it must be amusing. How could my flustered state not be entertaining to you?”
At Inwoo’s provocation, Rau tightened his grip on the collar of his shirt, as if seeking revenge for the suffocation he felt, his eyes gleaming with fear and madness.
“But, Choi In-woo, if Seo Yi-hyun finds out, whether by accident or on purpose, and everything falls apart because of it… you won’t find it so amusing then, will you?”
Letting go of his collar as if throwing him away, Rau pushed Inwoo aside and stumbled back to the table, drinking wine straight from the bottle.
“I heard about the New York branch.”
“……”
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Rau looked back at Inwoo behind him, looking ready to do anything.
“It’s quite an elaborate event for someone who said they’d tell Lee Hyun everything after returning from Chicago?”
Seeing Rau’s eyebrows twitching closer together, Inwoo smirked.
“I’m a Phantom writer too, though not treated as well as Shushu. And I’m also friends with Manager Han, even if not as close as you and Manager Han are. Or was it a special secret?”
It didn’t matter how Choi In-woo found out anyway. Rau brought the bottle to his lips again and tilted his head back, swallowing the alcohol.
Inwoo pulled out a thick wad of napkins from the holder in the middle of the table and roughly covered the spilled wine with them.
“Everyone finds it strange that you’re rushing the New York branch opening, and they’re worried if something’s wrong… I think I know why. So, it’s not you I’m worried about, but someone else.”
Placing the empty bottle on the table with a loud thud, Rau snorted, gripping the neck of the bottle. It was as if the fact that someone other than himself was worried about Lee Hyun was laughable.
“A patient who attempted suicide was brought in.”
“……”
Rau glanced back. Inwoo, slumped in his chair, ran his hands over his face several times.
“We usually send all patients with even the slightest risk to larger hospitals, a mere facade of a general hospital… but at that time, the patient was so critical that it wasn’t the situation to do so.”
His tone wasn’t the usual smirking or provocative taunting. Rau turned around. Inwoo’s face was flushed red, and he looked somewhat unstable.
“They drank insecticide.”
“……”
“It was a relatively mild insecticide mainly used for home gardening, and because the patient’s mother found them immediately and rushed them to the hospital, their life was saved… it was a rather unsettling experience, after a long time… realizing I was a doctor.”
As if trying to shake off the dizzying memory, Inwoo forced his lips into a smile, but his eyes were filled with terror.
“Acephate isn’t a fatal poison compared to other pesticides, but the problem was the large quantity ingested. Over 3,000cc of lavage fluid was introduced into the stomach. The lavage fluid lowered their body temperature, and they were trembling all over.”
Blue veins bulged on Rau’s hand gripping the bottle. It was unlikely that Inwoo had come to find him at this particular timing just to share the shock of the ‘big incident’ that happened at the hospital while he was away on his business trip.
“It was a twenty-four-year-old woman. Around Baek Yuni or Kwon Juhan’s age. She seemed too young to be married, but she was scheduled to marry in a month.”
“……”
“To a male Beta.”
Rau’s brow furrowed, and a blue flame shot from his eyes. He dropped the bottle, ran a hand through his hair, messing it up, and snarled at Inwoo.
“Fuck, so what!”
Though his voice wasn’t raised, rather, it sounded like he was pulling the sound inward and swallowing it, it was clearly a desperate cry.
Rau met Inwoo’s gaze, which was looking straight up at him, with equal intensity, as if to burn it away.
“It’s an early age to marry… but a very late age to manifest as an Alpha.”
“……”
Rau’s breathing was ragged even as he stood still, his broad shoulders heaving.
Inwoo smirked, a crooked lift of one corner of his mouth, laced with contempt.
“You really never know what’s going to happen.”
“It has nothing to do with us.”
Inwoo shot up and hurled his resentment at Rau’s retreating back, as if trying to push away the situation.
“Do you know how I felt looking at that patient…? Why should I be suffocated by the garbage you’ve done!”
Rau walked into the dark kitchen, unlit, and pulled a can of beer from the refrigerator, emptying more than half of it as if he were parched to the point of pain. He tossed the beer can onto the spacious island counter used for cooking and leaned his head down, his hand gripping the edge of the counter.
“Did you think taking him to a place with no connections, and confessing there, would lower the probability of him being abandoned?”
Inwoo, standing before the counter, strained to keep his voice down, his face contorted in a frown. Rau turned his head and licked his lower lip with his tongue.
“I poured a fortune into it, hurt the Phantom family, all to open a gallery in New York for you. Are you really going to abandon all of this and leave me? Are you going to burden Lee Hyun with that kind of responsibility?”
“…….”
“Whatever the reason for wanting to take him to New York, it seems you have no intention of keeping the promise you made to me. If that happens, then I, who believed you and participated in this mess, become the asshole, don’t I?”
Rau, who had been silently absorbing the accusations and attacks, finished the rest of the beer. He crumpled the can in his hand and said,
“I don’t care what you think. And it matters even less whether you become an asshole or trash to Seo Yi-hyun.”
To Inwoo, who let out a hollow laugh, Rau’s words flew like a sharpened blade, a raw confession so vivid it tasted of blood.
“Yes, taking Seo Yi-hyun and getting out of here as soon as possible—that’s the only thought in my head right now. In a place where he has no one but me, no, in a place where he’s abandoned everything else and has no one left but me, I will beg and cling for his forgiveness, as desperately and pitifully as possible.”
“…….”
“What other means do I have left? What way is there to fix this with dignity, to do it honorably, after coming this far?”
Rau, who had been spewing words rapidly, suddenly clamped his lips shut. He stared at the completely crushed, flattened beer can for a long moment, then, with a low curse, tossed it into the trash.
“The right to be by his side through legitimate and honorable means—I already threw that away with my own hands the night Seo Yi-hyun was waiting for me in front of this house.”
Rau spoke of ‘that night,’ a night Inwoo could not and did not know about, no longer conscious of Inwoo as his conversational partner. It was a resignation, a surrender of himself, and perhaps an excuse directed at Lee Hyun, who was not present.
Inwoo, standing before the counter and gazing at Rau’s large silhouette standing alone in the kitchen’s darkness, slowly walked towards the kitchen. He passed through the doorframe of the folding doors, wide open between the dining area and the kitchen, and stepped into the dim shadow.
Standing opposite Rau across the counter, Inwoo leaned forward, his hand gripping the edge of the marble countertop.
“Even if Seo Yi-hyun fully changes into an Omega, he knows nothing about Alphas or Omegas. Knowing it theoretically is useless.”
Inwoo’s tone had calmed, as if he had decided to stop provoking Rau emotionally. It was gentle now, almost soothing.
“The Ghost’s instincts strongly pulled me towards you, and the Alpha’s instincts stimulated the urge to become one with you… No matter what you say… he can’t understand. He can’t accept it. Even if his body has changed into an Omega, he lived as a Beta his whole life, and his mind is still Beta. After living as an Alpha for 20 years, doesn’t he know that Betas can never understand the power of Pheromones?”
Rau, who had remained silent with his side profile visible, turned his head and shot Inwoo a glare.
Perhaps Inwoo was not wrong.
Even though many Alphas and Omegas had entered high society, the world still revolved around Betas. In more open professions like the arts or entertainment, the situation was slightly different, but unless they were Goldens, whose Pheromones could be controlled to the point where Betas perceived them as ‘almost Beta,’ the proportion of Alphas and Omegas entering politics was extremely low. This was true in any society.
Movies, dramas, and commercials exaggerated only the romantic aspects of Pheromones. Even in companies owned by Alphas or Omegas, marketing inevitably focused on the purchasing power of their main clientele, Betas.
Alphas and Omegas who couldn’t control their sexual urges. Degenerate beings who enjoyed animalistic and promiscuous sex lives using Pheromones. Dangerous individuals, akin to legal drug carriers…
Outside of romance films, the image of Alphas and Omegas portrayed to ordinary Betas remained at that level, and Rau, having lived in that world until now, knew it was nearly impossible to make a Beta understand the practical power and effects of Pheromones, which were neither romantic nor dangerous.
But for the same reason, Inwoo could not understand the Ghost’s strong instinct pulling him towards his ‘Diamond Dust,’ Lee Hyun. Choi In-woo would understand even less about Marcus’s words, “It would be even harder to resist if he was also drawn to his human charm and loved him mentally.”
No Beta, no regular Alpha or Omega, not even a Golden as perfect as can be. No one could understand.
It was a presence that slipped through the thick, solid defenses he had built as a Golden, like a ghost…
Just as no advanced science can prevent the change of seasons from summer to autumn, or the sun rising at the end of the night and the sunset igniting at the end of the day… an unavoidable, irresistible being.
Rau, leaning forward with his arms on the counter, rubbed his face as if crushing it with one hand, and said in a voice heavy with exhaustion,
“Seo Yi-hyun is not just a Beta.”
“Then what is he?”
“…….”
Rau closed his mouth on that. But the look in his eyes as he glanced at Inwoo said it all. It wasn’t that he didn’t know the answer, but that he chose not to answer.
“Have him get a precise examination to see how far it’s progressed. If he’s only changed about 20 percent, it can be stopped now. There’s a way to stop it now and go back as if nothing happened.”
Rau scoffed, his shoulders shaking. Then, leaning against the counter, he crossed his arms and looked up at Inwoo askance.
“Go back? To where?”
His eyes looked exhausted, as if bleached. His deep-set eyes were furrowed as if he were standing under the intense midday sun. Meeting Inwoo’s dull eyes, where the blue vitality had evaporated and gray ash seemed to float, Inwoo said in a low voice,
“You said yourself it’s impossible to show restraint next to Seo Yi-hyun. It would probably be going back to before you met Lee Hyun.”
Rau straightened up from the counter, stepping back into deeper darkness away from the faint light seeping from the dining area, and shook his head minutely.
■ ■ ■
A few years ago, a young artist had garnered intense interest from the domestic art scene. In his mid-twenties (barely entering his late twenties by Korean age reckoning), he made a spectacular debut by signing an exclusive contract with a gallery with a fairly solid foundation in New York, the forefront of contemporary art.
His artistic world, which openly embraced his identity as a gay Beta male as its theme, was described as so raw that the art world, hardened against even strong sexuality, used the word ‘bold’ for the first time in a long while.
Having made a successful debut in New York, it was natural that he received a flood of offers from his home country. However, the artist rejected all exhibition proposals from domestic galleries at the time.
While the stated reason was that his schedule was too packed with other exhibition plans to adjust, the attitude strongly conveyed that he had no reason to return to Seoul, a barren land for art, or Korea, a backward country in art, after achieving success in New York.
In fact, the ‘Editor’s Preface’ for this issue had been completed with more than usual time to spare. However, a few days ago, upon hearing from a reliable source that the very artist from years ago was looking for a gallery to open a solo exhibition in Seoul, the editor decided to rewrite the preface just before printing.
Whether he had found the humility to wash away his arrogant bubble and return to a ‘barren land for art like Seoul,’ the editor did not know. However, as long as the galleries he had previously rejected were still active, and as long as they remembered that past, his arrival on domestic shores would likely face considerable difficulties. At the very least, an exhibition at an influential large gallery, which he desired now and had rejected in the past, would be impossible.
The editor, whose career in the industry was not short, was shocked by the reality that the charm or completion of a work does not necessarily align with the artist’s character. However, with the hope that he, and all artists in this land, would deeply consider the fact that art, like all other human activities, is a collaboration created by people meeting each other, the preface was rewritten.
It was also partly due to the editor’s mean disposition, finding satisfaction in the downfall of an arrogant artist who now sought a place to rest his head, rather than feeling bitter.
His works, which have nothing to say except about sex? Perhaps because he was rejected by New York, they no longer seem ‘bold’ or ‘raw.’ In any case, good luck.
■ ■ ■
It was one of the magazines he subscribed to, published just yesterday and delivered to his home this morning. It was one of the magazines Lee Hyun and Rau enjoyed the most, maintaining a flexible perspective rather than asserting authority. As usual, Lee Hyun began reading the ‘Editor’s Preface’ meticulously, then placed the opened magazine on his lap and took a deep breath.
Although the name Hong Seonyu or SEONEW was not mentioned even once within the main text, as he read on, he became increasingly convinced that this was an article targeting Hong Seonyu.
If that were true, and if the ‘reliable source’ mentioned in the article was Rau… then Rau was currently concerned about Hong Seonyu moving his base of operations to Korea, and thus narrowing the distance with Shushu.
Recalling Rau’s rough face, who had been returning late every night after meeting with his agency’s artists, clients, and important industry acquaintances to personally announce Phantom’s expansion into New York, Lee Hyun checked the clock on the wall.
Just as he reached for his phone, he faintly heard the sound of a car entering the parking lot. Lee Hyun closed the magazine and placed it on the table. Impatient, he opened the door before Rau could even press the password himself.
“…….”
Through the gap of the door pushed outward, Rau’s face was visible, recoiling slightly as if startled, just as he was about to press the password.
“It feels good that you seem to have been waiting just for me to arrive?”
Lee Hyun playfully smiled at Rau, his eyes scanning Rau’s body from head to toe as he stepped back to let him in. After a brief kiss, he carefully approached Rau’s retreating back as he entered the studio.
“I heard from Nu-na. You… had an accident this afternoon.”
“Ah…”
Rau’s movements slowed as he placed his briefcase and jacket on the armrest chair in front of the sofa. Muttering, “I told him not to tell you,” he then wiped his eyebrow with his finger and soon put on a light expression, straightening his back.
“Then you also heard it wasn’t a big deal, right? It’s not even worth calling an accident. I was making a left turn into the straight road, and he was waiting to make a U-turn, so we were both moving at very low speeds. I’m fine, and the other person is fine. No one was hurt…”
Then, placing his hand on Lee Hyun’s shoulder, he lowered his head and looked deeply into his face.
“So, relax your expression. Okay?”
Looking at Rau’s face, who was trying to reassure him that it was such a minor contact that the airbags hadn’t even deployed, Lee Hyun meticulously examined every feature before him, just as Rau often did to him. As if searching for any hidden discomfort or signs of endurance.
“Still… you should go to the hospital. They say you shouldn’t take traffic accidents lightly just because there are no external injuries…”
After finally getting Rau to promise to go to the hospital for an examination, Lee Hyun stroked the arm on which his hand rested. Feeling the warmth of his skin beneath the sleeve rolled up to his elbow, he bit and released his lower lip several times, as if about to bring up something difficult to say.
“And… until you leave, I’d like you to travel with the driver.”
As expected, Rau frowned, his gaze shifting away, clearly displeased. Lee Hyun firmly grasped his wrist.
“You have so much… on your mind lately, and you’re busy and tired… it’s dangerous for you to drive yourself…”
“…….”
“I won’t go out when Awi or the driver isn’t here, so please don’t worry about me… and please agree to do this…”
Adding a “Okay?” Lee Hyun held onto Rau’s waist. Rau looked down at Lee Hyun’s determined face, which was uncharacteristically insistent on getting something, for a long moment in silence. He gently massaged Lee Hyun’s neck with the hand that had been on his shoulder, then slowly pulled him closer and embraced him.
“You’re the only one who thinks of me now, Seo Yi-hyun.”
As a voice that seemed to leak out hollowly from an empty interior, Lee Hyun’s hand moved to Rau’s back, stroking him as if to comfort him, and he clung to Rau’s body.
“You know that’s not true.”
“…….”
Rau silently stroked Lee Hyun’s neck, his gaze slowly moving. It passed over the canvases of various sizes leaning against the wall, then stopped at a small framed picture on the sofa. It was a small piece gifted to Lee Hyun by Suki Kim in Hong Kong.
After it was confirmed that he was a Ghost, his parents’ divorce proceeded rapidly, and for the two years that followed, during which Rau lived with Ellen and Marcus, Suki Kim had not painted.
Rau, at the time, knew that his parents carried a not-insignificant weight of guilt regarding his Ghost status. Although he never openly showed his distress, parental emotions naturally transferred to their children.
It was likely similar to the self-reproach that plagues most parents of sick children. As if everything were their fault.
However, their guilt unintentionally sickened Rau’s sense of self as a Ghost.
Am I sick? Is this an illness, and am I a carrier who threatens others? Is that why my parents feel sorry for me?
It wasn’t just his father’s maternal side. The power to change the essence of a human body could be interpreted as a special ability, but to those who came into contact with the actual person, it was merely a fear to be avoided, or at least a discomfort.
Whether he revealed his Ghost status to others or hid it, he had to live a life separated even from the Alpha-Omega society.
Perhaps she felt she had to sacrifice something out of guilt for her son. During the two years she spent in Boston after securing legal custody of Rau, she focused solely on Rau. Everyone around her, including his father, who understood the meaning of painting to her most deeply, tried to persuade her, but to no avail.
A portrait drawn with colored ink, filled only with lines and empty space. Within the seemingly simple structure, as if drawn by a child unaware, lay a condensed power that held one’s gaze. Like artists who have the courage to face their naked selves head-on and reveal them to the world, she needed no elaborate techniques or embellishments to package herself.
Lau remembered it too. With that work as a starting point, she had brought painting back into her life. She had felt, not with her head but through time and her body, slowly but completely, that she could not exist as Suki Kim, as herself, let alone as a mother, without painting.
The work, a crucial turning point for her, was now owned by Lee Hyun, the author of
It felt like all her physical and mental energy had been cleanly exhausted, as if she had finally returned to where she had started after a long journey through distant lands.
She rubbed her cheek against Lee Hyun’s hair, which tickled her lips, cleared her throat, and released him from her embrace.
“About the materials to be sent to Bali, I think I can receive them within two to three days. Marcus is taking great care of it, so I think I’ll have to make time to visit Boston once more when I get to New York.”
She playfully patted Lee Hyun’s shoulders, which she had pushed away, but he didn’t smile back. Avoiding Lee Hyun’s gaze, which was still cautiously assessing her complexion, Lau rubbed her lower jaw and walked towards the kitchen. It was less of a kitchen and more of a simple setup, just enough to wash a few cups or boil ramen. As she opened the built-in refrigerator next to the sink, like in a studio apartment, and took out a bottle of beer, she asked Lee Hyun, who was behind her, if he had any thoughts, but he shook his head.
She couldn’t turn around and face him, standing by the refrigerator and drinking her beer, consumed by the anxiety that Lee Hyun’s meticulous and attentive gaze would eventually detect that he was hiding something, that her recent fatigue wasn’t just due to a packed schedule and friction with those around her.
Fingers, moving with a ticklish softness, landed on her shoulder. Lau’s pupils trembled imperceptibly where Lee Hyun couldn’t see. Lately, whenever Lee Hyun looked at her silently or called her name softly, she felt the dizzying sensation of falling.
“Representative.”
“…….”
“That’s not urgent, so you can prepare it slowly after you go to New York.”
She lightly placed her hand over Lee Hyun’s hand on her shoulder. Holding his fingertips gently, she turned and met his gaze. It took courage for even such a small thing.
Looking down at Lee Hyun’s face, who was worried about her while she was being kept from information she should have naturally received, Lau moistened her lower lip with her tongue.
She was confident she could push things forward much more shamelessly. When she was about to leave for Chicago, she had believed she could at least ignore all guilt and remorse until she set foot in New York with Lee Hyun. It was all to gain him.
But perhaps the shell surrounding her conscience wasn’t as thick as she had expected, or perhaps she was simply anxious because she couldn’t predict his reaction as the moment of revelation approached, but lately, despite extreme fatigue, she had been so on edge that she could barely sleep.
She placed the beer on the narrow counter next to the sink and pulled Lee Hyun closer by holding both his hands and spreading her arms wide. They played, pushing and pulling their intertwined hands as if in a contest of strength. Looking down at Lee Hyun’s face, which finally softened and smiled a little, she kissed his lips and cheeks.
Lee Hyun was not the type to rely on underdeveloped emotions or feelings, to utter the words “I love you” while indulging in sweet sentimentality.
But what he loved was Lau Wikun, who had not Changed him. The moment he learned the truth, Lau Wikun would no longer be the Lau Wikun he knew.
Every time she was conscious of that fact, the rope supporting her precariously from below felt as thin as a thread.
Her smoking and drinking had increased. To reassure Lee Hyun, she had called it a minor fender bender, and while the scale of the accident was true, it was also a clear mistake that would never have happened under normal circumstances.
The problem was that her anxiety was seeping into Lee Hyun like ash, just as her parents’ guilt had transferred and sickened her as a Ghost.
Every time they kissed, embraced, or she experienced an Alpha climax with him, unlike anything she had ever felt with anyone else… she feared it might be the last time, and at the same time… she felt an urge to deviate from the path, confess everything to him, offer her neck, and accept his judgment.
“Why aren’t you painting these days?”
“Huh?”
With a nod of her chin, she pointed to the canvases turned upside down behind Lee Hyun.
“It didn’t seem like you were making progress.”
“…….”
Lee Hyun’s lips moved, and he lowered his eyes.
“Weren’t there many things you wanted to paint as soon as you arrived?”
“It’s… because my mind is a bit unsettled. But I’m still drawing.”
Lau returned to the sofa and rummaged through the jacket draped over the chair, taking out a pack of cigarettes. She took one out, lit it, and inhaled deeply. She exhaled a long stream of smoke, looking down at the floor. Lee Hyun’s feet, clad in indoor leather slippers, came into view.
“Do you want to go?”
“Huh?”
“Paris.”
“…….”
Lee Hyun, hearing the question asked so casually and naturally, briefly looked at Lau’s face, wondering if he had misheard. From her side profile, her face completely blank as she inhaled the cigarette, no intention or emotion could be read.
How did she know, when did she find out, and if she found out, was she asking why he wanted to go… and so on. There were many questions that came to mind, but since he had brought up the topic, they were all secondary and superfluous. If he knew Yuni had received an offer from ‘The Hands,’ it was no surprise that he also knew they had offered him a position.
Instead of asking unimportant questions, Lee Hyun moved closer to Lau and firmly shook his head.
“No.”
“…….”
Lau’s eyes, which seemed unusually pale today, slowly focused on Lee Hyun’s. Although she had asked if he wanted to go, Lau’s eyes conveyed that she hoped he wouldn’t.
“I’m already contracted with a capable gallerist.”
Lau chuckled and took the cigarette from his fingers. Looking up into his eyes as he held her waist and looked down, she took a deep drag. Lau’s long, slender fingers slowly caressed his lips, which were clumsily exhaling smoke.
Lee Hyun, who handed him back the cigarette to place on his lips, which looked drier than usual, hooked his finger on the loose knot of his tie and pulled it. He unbuttoned the remaining buttons of his shirt, which had been undone at the top, and buried his lips at the base of his firm neck.
Lau tilted his head back deeply to get a better look at Lee Hyun’s face as he slipped his hand under the shirt hem and caressed his bare skin, kissing his neck in various places. Stroking his small head, he kissed his hair and murmured heavily.
“We both need a haircut.”
“…….”
“I don’t think I’ll have time. If we wait until we get to New York… shall we go get them cut together then?”
Lee Hyun, who had been rubbing his lips against Lau’s stubbled jaw after a long day, pushed Lau’s shirt off his shoulder and nodded.
The shirt, with its sleeves turned inside out, fell behind him. Lau, revealing his upper body, pulled up the hem of Lee Hyun’s t-shirt and kissed him. He tossed the removed t-shirt carelessly towards the sofa, then lightly patted Lee Hyun’s hair, which had become disheveled as it came out of the neckline, and chuckled.
Gazing at Lee Hyun, who smiled back, Lau slowly slid his hand down his skin, from his head to his neck, shoulders, arms, and wrists.
Intertwining his fingers with Lee Hyun’s warm, slightly sweaty fingers, unlike his own dry hands, Lau led him towards the bedroom. Lau closed the door, shutting out the studio lights. In the dim darkness, only the white sheets on the bed faintly reflected the light. Normally, he might have made a lewd joke about it being a room with a clear purpose, but he didn’t even have such thoughts now.
Sitting on the edge of the high bed, relying on the dim light filtering from the garden-facing window, Lau gently placed his hand on Lee Hyun’s cheek. All surrounding sounds seemed to be sucked away, as if in a tomb. Only Lee Hyun’s eyes, looking straight at him, and his body heat, which he could feel through his hand, were alive.
Lee Hyun, who had been overwhelmed just by receiving the pleasure Lau led, leaning his head forward first, approached. Tracing Lee Hyun’s clean facial features with his fingertips as he looked at Lau’s lips and lowered his eyelids, Lau parted his lips and responded.
Pressing his lips together deeply, as if to fill the gap, and then pulling back, their dry lips stuck together and parted slowly. In the eerily quiet room, the sound of their kiss was more pronounced than usual.
Lau spread his hands around Lee Hyun’s ears, tangling them in his hair, and tilted his head to kiss him deeply. Amidst the dry silence, the wet friction of their kiss slowly seeped in.
Sharing countless small kisses, they sat up, removed their pants, and lay down on the bed, leaning against each other, caressing each other’s bare bodies.
Without pausing their kisses, their hands pulled off each other’s underwear. Cupping his penis with his palm, he gently stimulated it from the base outwards, inducing an erection. Their bodies, reacting faster to each other’s pheromones than before, quickly grew hot.
“…….”
“…….”
In the silence and darkness, Lau pressed down on Lee Hyun’s shoulder. Lee Hyun knew what that meant. After meeting Lau’s gaze intently for a moment, Lee Hyun changed the direction of his head and lay down. Their underwear, which had been hanging loosely, was completely removed, and they buried their lips between each other’s legs without hesitation.
Lau’s penis had already hardened. Just by seeing its distinct shape and breathing in its sexual scent, Lee Hyun felt his insides become urgent and his breathing falter. He pulled him closer, grasping his firm buttocks, and filled his mouth with the smooth glans. Lying on his side, he traced the curves of his firm abdomen beneath the smooth skin of his raised right leg, and with his fingertips, he brushed through his pubic hair, enjoying every part of his beautiful body with his own.
“Haa, h… hup…”
Lau’s fingers, skillfully sucking and pressing Lee Hyun’s penis, scraped down between his buttocks and gently massaged the entrance of his anus in a circle. Lee Hyun spat out his glans and clung to Lau’s body as if begging. The slow rotation of his fingers, gently penetrating and stretching the entrance, made him writhe. Rubbing his face against the hard shaft, which was already dripping with copious precum, he extended his tongue and licked the heavy pillar upwards.
The way they touched and caressed each other was less like lustful acts stimulated by desire and more like a desperate attempt to feel something unseen with their hands. It was like trying to find stimulation in each other’s bodies that could numb the anxiety that had started from an unknown source.
Confirming, and being confirmed. That they were still by each other’s side.
They slowly revealed their own depths, lingering with their lips and breathing in the scent wherever the other’s skin smelled stronger. Even as they pressed their genitals against each other’s faces and licked them with their mouths, they seemed to do so without regard for the concept of sex. It was no different from kissing with lips. They spread their legs and lowered their hips, rocking to go deeper into each other’s mouths.
Lau withdrew his fingers from Lee Hyun’s wet anus and sat up. His penis was now throbbing, covered in precum. Changing positions for penetration, he settled between Lee Hyun’s legs and pressed down on his chest, making him lie flat.
Although the timing of penetration was earlier than usual, his entire body’s muscles were already tense from suppressing the urge to enter Lee Hyun. Lee Hyun’s wet body was also ready to receive him. Feeling Lee Hyun’s pheromones, which wrapped around him tightly as if to pull him in and swallow him whole, Lau closed his eyes and trembled slightly, surrendering himself to its power.
From the moment he first entered this body, Golden’s control had slipped away, but with each encounter, and as he grew closer to being an Omega, the density of the pheromones Lee Hyun emitted intensified to the point where he couldn’t tell if he was making him an Omega or if Lee Hyun was making him an Alpha.
It was exactly as written in the diary: “I was dragged along helplessly, like being tied to the tail of a chariot pulled by six strong horses, my wrists bound.”
Looking down at the disheveled Lee Hyun, Lau dug his knees under his thighs. He leaned forward, swept his hair back, and sucked on his full lower lip, biting and pulling it achingly.
Lee Hyun, who let out a sweet moan and caressed Lau’s cheek, stopped Lau’s hand as he positioned his glans at the entrance of his anus.
“I’ll… do it from above.”
“…….”
Lau frowned, as if doubting he had heard correctly. Then, as if disbelieving, he shook his head and chuckled softly.
“Is it because of the accident earlier?”
“…….”
“I’m really fine.”
Lee Hyun pushed away Lau’s chest, which was trying to penetrate his anus.
“It’s not entirely because of that… I just want to. Do you… dislike it?”
“Of course not. It’s not that, but….”
Lee Hyun pushed Lau’s hesitating shoulder and sat up. Cupping Lau’s face, he kissed his lips and cheeks, then whispered in his ear.
“In Hong Kong… the first time you entered me. I’ll do it like that.”
“…….”
If Lee Hyun wanted it, there was no reason to refuse. Lau retreated and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. Lee Hyun, crawling on his knees, sat on Lau’s thighs, wrapped one arm around his neck, and with his other hand, held the shaft of his penis, slowly lowering his hips.
As his hand slid down his smooth, dry back, tracing the curve of his buttocks and grasping the fleshy volume, Lau was sucked into Lee Hyun’s body, his lips parting and his forehead pressing into the chest before him from the crushing pressure.
Suppressing the urge to thrust his hips and penetrate him all at once, he bit into his skin, setting his teeth on his chest and neck. Taking the small, hardened nipple into his mouth and sucking it as if to extract juice, so hard that his cheeks caved in, Lee Hyun’s insides contracted, and he sucked Lau’s penis deeper.
With the suffocating fullness of being tightly filled and the crushing pressure of being squeezed, they moaned and wrapped their arms around each other’s bodies, rubbing their bare skin. Lau began to thrust upwards, as Lee Hyun stopped lowering his hips, leaving only a small portion at the base.
Not quickly, but filling Lee Hyun’s insides completely, ensuring their most vulnerable and sensitive parts were fully pressed together. The insertion, accompanied by quiet sighs like admiration and slow movements, also felt like a process of confirming each other through the point of contact. It was careful and meticulous, as if not to miss a single sensation.
As the naked movement of his penis entered, withdrawing and then thrusting his entire body upwards, Lee Hyun pulled Lau’s neck closer and lowered his head, exhaling a trembling breath. The wet sound of penetration, as the shaft and mucous membranes rubbed together, pushing out bodily fluids, seemed to cling stickily to their sweat-slicked skin.
Following Lau’s movements, he slowly rocked his hips back and forth, increasing the intensity of the stimulation, and Lee Hyun kissed his ear.
“Do it for me….”
Lee Hyun didn’t say what he wanted, but Lau didn’t need an object.
Lau dug his teeth into Lee Hyun’s collarbone, who was asking for knotting, and pulled his agile waist tighter. Lee Hyun, feeling the pleasure of the increasingly intense penetration, hugged Lau’s head and bit his lower lip.
“Back then… in Hong Kong. You couldn’t control yourself and knotted, didn’t you? Without Awi even knowing.”
“…….”
Lee Hyun remembered Rao, who repeatedly apologized several times, forcibly pulling out his still erect penis to scrape out the semen from inside the anus. Now, Raudo was looking at himself with eyes filled with clear emptiness, just like back then, like a powerless and fragile boy.
Lee Hyun arched his back and waist, stimulating the flow inside his body, while brushing his hair.
“Was that the first time?””In the darkness, Lau slowly nodded his head.” As he caressed the broad shoulders that had become gentle like a beast moaning from deep wounds, Lee Hyun kissed him. The large man in front of me was indescribably lovable.
“Please do it.” Just like back then…”If the previous noting was an experience where reason was disrupted in an intense burning sensation as if my body was on fire, this time, the pulse of noting striking the mucous membranes and resonating throughout my entire body felt so distinctly clear that it seemed to enter into the heart of Lau.”
In a terrifying sense of unity, as if his blood was flowing through her heart, Lee Hyun reached climax several times without releasing. We embraced each other, sharing our scents while intertwining our tongues until the afterglow of pleasure completely faded. I felt like there was nothing left to share.
■ ■ ■
Lee Hyun, standing in front of the closet, tightened his grip on his phone. I was in the process of persuading Raul to send the driver back on time.
“He said he would come to pick me up with the car, so you really don’t have to worry.””Hmm… Is Kwon Joo-han coming to pick me up? You acted as if you would never speak to me again.”Whether you like it or not… we have to break up in a week…””As Lee Hyun’s hand slowed down while opening the drawer in the closet to take out a soft cotton t-shirt to use as pajamas.” At the same time, the volume of the voice also subsided. Choosing the path with him does not mean that parting with others has no impact.
[It’s just that he’s still young and has a temper; even if he’s the kind of guy who has that many holes in his body, he can’t be a tough guy.] I didn’t think it would last long.Recalling Joo-han’s gruff voice as he pretended not to be able to resist and asked what time he should come to pick her up, Lee-hyun silently laughed.
In Phantom, Juhan still seemed to be cold towards Lau, but he had somewhat opened up to Uni. In the explanation given by Uni, it was the result obtained after the two of them drank together until dawn three times in a week, exposing the depths of their personalities, biting and tearing at each other, and repeatedly crying.
Thanks to the fact that the two people achieved about 80 percent reconciliation, they gathered today, their only day off this week, at the officetel in South Korea.
To supplement the workforce, Phantom had scouted an experienced individual who was working as a director at another gallery instead of hiring new recruits this time. Just because he was moving to New York, it didn’t mean that Lau would step away from managing the Seoul Phantom. Phantom was still the phantom of Lau Wiqun. However, it was essential to directly meet with affiliated writers, clients, and major customers to explain the situation. Thanks to that, even though there were several meetings scheduled for today, which is Sunday, the employees were able to have a day off.
This was the first time Lee Hyun had stayed out overnight since moving into this house, aside from the business trip when he left home with Lau.
Have fun and come back. Don’t cry as if we will never see each other again, holding each other tightly.Whether in New York, Paris, or Seoul, I will arrange for us to meet a few times a year whenever you have time.
Without responding differently to Lau’s added promise, Lee Hyun quietly closed the drawer of the wardrobe with a faint smile and turned around.
I know that his words are sincere and that it is his kindness. It is also not a financially burdensome matter for him to show such kindness. However, isn’t there a part where one must politely decline kind offers and solve things on their own, without relying on kindness? Lee Hyun walked towards the sofa while having such thoughts.
Raudo, Unido. And until the sand and Lee Han. I made a decision, accepting the disappointment of those around me and the guilt I would feel. Only when one takes ownership of the negative consequences of their choices… can they truly claim that life is entirely their own.
As Lee Hyun placed the items he took out from the closet on the sofa table, he rested his hands on his hips. Then, to endure the embarrassment of what I was about to say, I brushed my eyebrows with one hand.
“Isn’t it you who can’t sleep because I’m not around?””
[…….I wanted to say something to make him smile a little, as he was barely managing to stave off fatigue with just a single cigarette or a sip of coffee here and there, but there was no reaction. Was it an unexpected act that made me feel embarrassed? I shook my head while covering my reddening face. I hurriedly stuffed my pajamas and underwear into the backpack.
“Uh… um… it was a joke.” It wasn’t very fun, was it?”No… it’s not that, I was just momentarily taken aback because you hit the nail on the head.Lee Hyun, who had stopped his hands, straightened his bent back. I strained to catch even the faintest sound coming through the phone, fiddling with the leather handle hanging from my backpack.
“Don’t sleep… Should I just come over even late at night?””Yes. Please do that.]
“…….”Lately, it hasn’t felt right to leave the house with Raoul looking precarious like someone on the edge, so it wasn’t just a casual remark.” But I didn’t expect such a prompt reply after waiting. This time, Lee Hyun was silent, and after a brief pause, a chuckle could be heard from the other end of the phone.
He spoke in a noticeably relaxed voice after the sound of footsteps and the breath that seemed to plop down onto the low chair.
[Just kidding.] It might be a little lonely, but I have to do what I need to do before I go.Tomorrow, I’ll come quickly.It’s okay to be a little late. Just come back to me. You’ve monopolized it until now, so one day won’t hurt.I ended the call with a smile at his playful tone, pretending to be relaxed. Lao’s words were right. Even though he was mentally burdened by responsibilities and physically exhausted, he was not the type to show it or complain. Considering his recent condition, I was concerned about leaving him alone, but I also did not want to treat the separation from Uni and Juhan lightly.
After putting all the necessary items for the overnight stay into the backpack, I went upstairs to pack the Boston trip souvenirs that no one had taken last week. Four shopping bags were lined up on one side of the restaurant, enough for Inwoo’s share. I was just about to grab a shopping bag with the thought that I should stop by Inwoo’s place on my way home tomorrow, when the doorbell of the video phone rang.
No one came to mind who would visit without notice, especially at a time without any arrangements. I turned my body and checked the screen in the living room’s wall pad. It was Shushu.
“Hello, author.” Shall I open the garage for you?”[Lee Hyun, no.] It’s okay. I parked it in front of the house.His face and tone, as seen on the screen, were somewhat stiff. As soon as he thought of a few possibilities, Lee Hyun felt his lungs contract sharply. After moistening my dry lips with my tongue, I opened the front door and went out to greet.
Fortunately, the expression on Shushu’s face as she climbed the stairs leading from the front door to the garden was not as bad as I had imagined. She looked up at Lee Hyun and managed to show a faint smile.
“It seems like there is no one inside.””Yes.””Can I go in and wait?”I guided Shushu, who entered indoors while taking off her sunglasses, to the living room. Perhaps it felt awkward for him to play the host in a house he knew as well as himself, but regardless of his relationship with Lau, he was in a position of living here, so hospitality was his responsibility.
Shushu asked for beer and ice instead of coffee or juice, and when he returned to the living room holding them on a tray, he was looking up at the
“혼자 있어도 It’s okay. You can relax because I will make it very comfortable, just like home, so you don’t have to worry, Lee Hyun.”As she received the tray and sat on the sofa, Shushu playfully spoke, but Lee Hyun felt that it was somewhat rude.” Moreover, there was nothing else particularly busy to attend to. There were still about two hours left until the time that Juhan said he would come to pick me up, and I had already packed all my things.
“Of course, it would be better if Lee Hyun is with me.”Looking up at the hesitant Lee Hyun, Shushu smiled slightly. It was a smile that understood that staying here was more comforting for Lee Hyun than being left alone.
Shushu poured beer into a glass filled with ice and handed half of the beer in the bottle to Ihyun, who took it and settled into the single sofa across from him.
Although we weren’t particularly close, I wasn’t overly comfortable with Shushu, but I had learned enough in Chicago that he wasn’t a difficult person to deal with, so I wasn’t especially tense.
As I tilted the glass filled with ice to drink the beer, behind the clinking sound, Shushu opened her mouth with her uniquely soft and pleasant voice.
“I think Lee Hyun must have grown up in a stable family, receiving plenty of love.””It was unexpected for Shushu to make such a statement, as he seemed like someone who wouldn’t carelessly speculate about others’ backgrounds, even in a positive direction. However, it didn’t sound like something he would say lightly.”
“At first, I thought they were a thick-skinned person because they were quiet and introverted, but… if you observe them for a little while, you quickly realize that they are someone who has a strong sense of balance.” I thought you were someone who genuinely cares about those around you, not out of fear of being hated or from an intoxicated desire to be a good person.”When I was young, I also struggled a bit because I didn’t have a good eye for people.” – Adding that, Shushu laughed self-deprecatingly. Hyun couldn’t help but think of Hong Seon-yu at that smile.
“Wikundo said that too.” It feels like I’ve finally found someone trustworthy after a long time, so I’m thinking of bringing them into Phantom.”Soo Soo, who said that, glanced at Lee Hyun and gave a slight smile.”
In Chicago, the term used by Shushu to refer to Lau was Awi. Feeling a slight discomfort at the fact that it has now changed to Wekun, Lee Hyun drank beer to quench his thirst.
“As you know well, Lee Hyun, Lau Wiqun is not the type to easily let down his guard around strangers.” Moreover, Phantom is like a lover, a friend, and a child to Wikun… so it was even more difficult to let people into Phantom. Right now, due to the unavoidable situation, we have become quite relaxed, so we are hiring new employees and adding directors.With a bitter expression, Shushu tightly closed her mouth and slightly raised her eyebrows, taking a sip of the beer that had lightened in color as the ice melted.
Regarding Rao’s firmness towards others, Lee Hyun was one of the most vivid experiencers.
Even if there were misunderstandings, they were the kind of person who wouldn’t actively try to clarify things, and even when they showed consideration or kindness, they wouldn’t seek to reveal it. It was the night we all drank wine together at a Spanish-style pub. I didn’t realize at the time that the proposal to officially work at Phantom was the highest recognition of the opponent’s value for Lau Wiqun.
“When I first met Lee Hyun.” It was probably the day my solo exhibition opened…”Lee Hyun nodded at Shushu, who was squinting and reminiscing about the past.” Shushu smiled faintly as if recalling a fun memory.
“I don’t know if you remember, but that was when you had just officially started working, right?” Because of my shyness, Wicon asked Lee Hyun to move aside a bit.”I remember.””It was a bit… awkward to say?” It’s not that I’m saying anything outrageous, but I lack the know-how. No, it’s not that they don’t know how; rather, they never even considered using wrapping paper in the first place. Even if it seems that the other person is uncomfortable, I don’t apologize, and even if it seems to be misunderstood, I don’t explain. I think those who chatter about being thankful and sorry can’t be trusted.”It might be a personality formed because there were many people around me who flattered others since I was young,” Shushu said while looking at a point in the air.
Shushu’s words were indeed true. At that time, Rao’s remarks were not about excluding himself, but simply an extension of the work. Now that I have come to understand Shushu’s sensitivity better, I can understand it more clearly.
However, if it had been as usual, or if it had been something heard from someone else, the words that would not have left a strong impression on him due to his personality were shaken by emotion… It was not simply because he spoke directly and without packaging. I was already aware of him from that time, and I now understand that the words and actions of someone you are conscious of tend to come across as particularly exaggerated.
Lee Hyun said while wiping the droplets off the surface of the beer bottle with his thumb.
“At that time, the representative apologized.””
“…….”Shushu, who frowned as if she couldn’t believe it, soon shook her head slightly and smiled.” If Lau had been here, he could have teased me; it was a smile that seemed to regret that.
In the garden, the camera lens of Lau, which suddenly intruded as if to dismantle himself piece by piece during the photo shoot of ‘Old Future’.
A single word that Lee Hyun-man spoke in a small voice, just enough for him to hear, amidst the tension where he could barely breathe.
That it was a clumsy apology for Lau. Even if it was just a short word, if it wasn’t sincere, he wouldn’t have opened his mouth. There were many things I didn’t know at the time, but now I can understand. The experience of seeing the past in a new light as I got to know him more was refreshing.
“Looking at it that way, it seems that those who are meant to succeed will succeed no matter what.” So… the guy who never let anyone close suddenly met someone understanding like Lee Hyun. Inevitably, loneliness was the only deficiency of Lau Wiqun, but now he has everything. Shouldn’t he at least agree that the world is unfair?It didn’t sound like a made-up statement just to match my mood. It was more like a muttering that excluded Lee Hyun, who was listening.
“Wikun didn’t have many regrets in life.” Not only due to economic background, but also because they were born with outstanding qualities, and they are quite strict with themselves, so they did not neglect their efforts, which is why they have very few experiences of failure. As far as I know, probably not even once.”The fact that I have never experienced failure does not mean that I have lived an easy life.” However, it was easy to agree with the story that Lau had lived by achieving most of what he wanted.
“So there is a strong tendency to not understand the clumsy and foolish parts of a person.” Since I’ve never wanted or loved anyone… it’s even more natural not to understand the emotions that are swayed and deviated from my original pace due to others.I felt like I understood what Shushu was talking about. Although Lau did not elaborate on the situation after returning to Seoul, it was possible to infer that the previously broken relationships with Shushu and Hong Seonyu have resurfaced in the present.
Perhaps Shushu seemed to be expecting Lau’s understanding of the emotions that were swaying her, deviating from her original pace, and the inevitable foolishness that came with it. And perhaps that expectation seemed to be leaning towards disappointment.
I wonder if that is the reason why Shushu came to find Raul today, as Lee Hyun quietly tilted his beer bottle and his gaze stopped at the magazine placed next to Shushu.
It was the only item he held in his hand as he got out of the car. When I entered the house, I didn’t realize it was rolled up… A few days ago, it was the magazine that Lee Hyun thought of Hong Seon-yu after reading the ‘editor’s review’.
Even though I had been drinking beer until just before, my mouth felt completely dry, so I tilted the bottle again, but the beer that I had shared with Shushu was already gone.
“So… someday, if Wekun truly wants someone, I hope he experiences the pain of a relationship that doesn’t go as he wishes, forgets his pride, and fights while revealing their true selves… I wish he could have felt the remnants of foolish and clingy emotions that cannot be erased in an instant, accumulated over time.””That’s something you can’t understand just because someone explains it to you; you have to experience it yourself.”
Muttering like that, Shushu emptied all the remaining beer, leaving only the ice. And with a somewhat shy expression, she smiled at Lee Hyun.
“I knew that Wikun was genuinely devoted to Lee Hyun, and I honestly had high expectations.””
“……”
“I wanted Lau Wikun to experience the things he himself thought were foolish and stupid: making Lee Hyun wait, knowing it was reckless; keeping him from sleeping at night; and then… being engulfed by the desire to be understood by the other person as he truly is, revealing everything, entrusting his judgment solely to the other person’s hands, trembling in fear… things like that… through Lee Hyun.”
As Shushu spoke, he tilted his glass and dropped one or two of the melted, shrunken ice cubes into his mouth. Lee Hyun, fiddling with his beer bottle while looking at Shushu’s dark face, which seemed to feel suffocated as if trapped in a confined space, gathered his courage and spoke.
“I don’t know about you, Representative… but I think that was me.”
“……”
“I think I experienced those kinds of emotions you mentioned, through you, Representative.”
Shushu looked at Lee Hyun silently for a long time. Then, setting his glass down on the table, he smiled faintly.
“I think I understand why it was Lee Hyun.”
“……”
“It’s not something to brag about, but I’m really bad at dealing with people, yet I felt comfortable with Lee Hyun. It was like that in Chicago, and it’s like that now… as if my shyness were a lie, I’m chattering away. I understand why Lee Hyun had to be the one for Lau Wikun. Because it was someone like Lee Hyun… he could fill Awi’s only deficiency, and his long loneliness.”
It was fortunate if his closest acquaintance said so. But Lee Hyun couldn’t be sure if he was truly filling Lau’s needs as Shushu thought. He wasn’t. Especially when he thought of Lau these days, enduring while burdened with many problems.
He couldn’t even accurately pinpoint what his only deficiency was, which Shushu had mentioned earlier, to the extent that he still hadn’t fully reached Lau’s core. He could only vaguely guess that it might be related to Lau’s environment, which he had learned about in Boston.
“It’s such a big matter… and Lee Hyun is still young, so I was worried, just in case… that you might have made an emotional decision while you were completely infatuated with the other person… but it seems my worries were unfounded.”
Shushu smiled with a relieved expression, but to Lee Hyun, neither the meaning of his words nor the meaning of his smile was clear.
“You must have fully understood Awi’s situation and his loneliness up to now, and carefully considered the changes that would occur in the future… and then decided to become an Omega, right, Lee Hyun?”
“……”
Lee Hyun mulled over his words for a long time. But no matter how long he thought, it seemed like content he couldn’t understand.
“……Yes?”
Despite concentrating for a long time, he could only ask Shushu again in the end.
“The Ghost, for Awi until now, was like a distinct brand visible only to him, forcing him to separate himself from others. But at least if the one person most precious to him accepts it…”
“No… No, I, I don’t understand what you’re saying at all….”
Lee Hyun shook his head vigorously, as if trying to shake off the confusion that was rapidly and ominously rolling in like storm clouds from somewhere, and cut off Shushu’s words. He felt he wouldn’t be able to digest any more stories, even if he heard them.
As Shushu stopped speaking, his expression gradually disappeared from his face. Like people who hear unbelievable stories, Shushu gave an awkward laugh, as if denying the situation, and blinked his eyes rapidly several times.
“Lee Hyun… what is it.”
“……”
“Are you telling me you… don’t understand what I’m saying at all?”
Shushu’s eyes and cheeks twitched slightly as he asked cautiously.
“In Chicago, on the last day, Awi’s eyes clearly…”
His words, unfinished, broke off. Shushu’s gaze, which had been wandering aimlessly around the room, urgently sought out Lee Hyun.
“Lee Hyun, you were with Awi until that morning, weren’t you?”
Shushu was talking about the day before they left Chicago. Lau and Shushu had attended Chloe Kent’s lunch meeting, while Yuni and Lee Hyun had gone sightseeing in Chicago alone… Lee Hyun tried hard to recall the memory of that morning. But his mind was a tangled mess, making it difficult to retrieve anything useful.
“That day. Did you not see Lau Wikun’s eye color?”
“Eye… color?”
“You must have been with him until morning, no, it wouldn’t have been just that day… Did you really not see his eye color?”
“He looked very tired that day…”
It was truly Lee Hyun himself who knew nothing, and even now he didn’t know what he didn’t know, but Shushu in front of him seemed more choked. His already pale face had become even paler and drier.
“You decided to become an Omega, right.”
Only those incomprehensible words faintly struck Lee Hyun’s chest from afar, like an ominous drumbeat.
As if holding a bomb that would explode the moment they broke eye contact, they stared at each other, forgetting even to blink.
“How could that be…”
Shushu, muttering as if using ventriloquism with barely moving lips, swallowed hard, like someone with a needle in their mouth.
“Lee Hyun.”
“……”
“Go to the hospital.”