By Zephyria “Vice President! What’s wrong?”
As they descended the stairs along the edge of the platform, not the central main gate stairs, and crossed the yard. The General Manager ran down with an umbrella open.
“Yoon Hye-an isn’t feeling well. He said he’d been unwell since Seoul. He seems to be in no condition to continue… Please tell the Director that we’ll be leaving first.”
Lee Hae-sung replied without slowing his pace. The PD, glancing at Yoon Hye-an, who was practically clinging to Lee Hae-sung, looked surprised and nodded.
“Ah… if he wasn’t feeling well, he didn’t have to come. Yes, I understand. Then… be careful…”
The PD’s face was full of questions like, “I understand Yoon Hye-an isn’t well, but why are you going down the mountain too?” But no one would dare to question Lee Hae-sung’s decision on such a matter.
Lee Hae-sung, who was about to refuse the PD’s offer of an umbrella, accepted it upon seeing the moisture on Yoon Hye-an’s face. His own umbrella was somewhere in the Gutdang, but this was not the time to worry about such things.
Yoon Hye-an’s legs seemed to lack strength, and his knees kept buckling. Lee Hae-sung, with his free arm, wrapped it around Yoon Hye-an’s waist, pulling him close to his side, and practically carried him down the narrow path.
Even for Lee Hae-sung, who was over 190cm tall with a trained body, supporting a limp adult male with one arm was not easy. But seeing the pale, almost blue lips trembling, an unknown strength surged within Lee Hae-sung.
The only thought was to get away from the Gutdang quickly, to get Yoon Hye-an, the Yoon Hye-an whom he was not seeing as Yoon Hye-an, away from there somehow. By the time they reached the parking lot, Lee Hae-sung’s shirt was soaked with sweat.
“Where’s his manager? Didn’t he come with you?”
Lee Hae-sung asked Yoon Hye-an, but he was not in a state to answer properly. He knew some people had come together in cars from Seoul. Yoon Hye-an had also come by someone’s car, and his manager was nowhere to be seen.
“Vice President!”
Lee Hae-sung’s attendant ran over in the rain. As the attendant reached out to take Yoon Hye-an, Lee Hae-sung handed him the umbrella and held Yoon Hye-an tightly in his arms.
“Make sure the car is warm inside. Turn on the seat heaters in the back.”
“Yes, understood.”
The attendant took the umbrella and hurried off.
Pulling up the disheveled coat to cover Yoon Hye-an’s head and fastening it securely, Lee Hae-sung headed back to the car. Supporting the frail body with his arms was no trouble at all.
However, as he tried to seat Yoon Hye-an in the back, he resisted as if having a seizure. He refused to let go of Lee Hae-sung and flailed his arms. The person who could barely stand moments ago suddenly had a surge of energy and refused to get into the car. As if he had forgotten how to speak, he made a crying sound, “Aaaah,” and looked pleadingly at Lee Hae-sung with tear-filled eyes.
His eyes begging not to be abandoned, not to be separated, tore at Lee Hae-sung’s heart.
“It’s okay, I’ll get in after you. Okay? Be good.”
Roughly wiping the moisture from his face, Lee Hae-sung leaned deep into the car and fastened Yoon Hye-an’s seatbelt.
“Vice President, I’ll hold him, so please get in.”
While the attendant in the driver’s seat held the struggling Yoon Hye-an, Lee Hae-sung went around to the trunk and got into the car. During this time, Yoon Hye-an’s head and gaze followed Lee Hae-sung.
Taking off his wet jacket, Lee Hae-sung sat down right next to Yoon Hye-an. Their cold, dry bodies clung together like magnets. His frightened eyes darted around, and his trembling lips panted for breath.
He carefully tucked the coat around his shoulders and back, then pulled him into his embrace. The anxious eyes looked up at Lee Hae-sung. He repeatedly stroked the hair, damp with rain and sweat, trying to reassure him.
“It’s okay now. You’re safe. They can’t follow you here.”
The hand gripping Lee Hae-sung’s arm, which crossed his chest, was also trembling faintly.
“Let’s go.”
“Vice President, the seatbelt…”
“It’s fine, just go.”
It was difficult to fasten the seatbelt while sitting so close and holding him. But that didn’t matter either.
As they drove down the unpaved mountain road, Lee Hae-sung touched the cheek and neck of the person in his arms, checking for fever. His body was cold, but his face and neck were burning hot.
“Find a nearby hospital. We need to go to a major one first.”
As if understanding the words directed at the driver, the person in his arms began to struggle again. He swallowed hard, his dry throat struggling, and Yoon Hye-an shook his head vehemently, saying no, he didn’t want to.
“Are you going to collapse again? Here, feel how hot it is.”
Lee Hae-sung took Yoon Hye-an’s hand and placed it on his forehead so he could feel the fever himself.
The strength with which he had been shaking his head subsided, and his dry, chapped blue lips parted. Gasping as if short of breath, Yoon Hye-an spoke with difficulty.
“It’s… different from then. I’m okay. Just…”
“……”
“Just, stay with me.”
“……”
Why did those words, “Just stay with me,” make his heart feel like it was being torn apart? Why did the ground beneath his feet feel like it was collapsing, and the world that had been precariously supporting him crumble?
Something hot surged in Lee Hae-sung’s chest. It was a sadness that felt like anger.
It felt as if Hong-seo, who had thrown himself into the void from that distant 32nd floor… was now gasping his last breaths in his arms. It felt like his soul and spirit were burning away.
He wanted to pour his own life force into those lips.
Tightening his grip on the shoulders he held, Lee Hae-sung said firmly,
“This won’t do. We’re going to the hospital first.”
“I’m really okay.”
“I’ll stay by your side. I won’t leave you, so let’s go to the hospital.”
“This is… different from then, the fever will go down soon.”
“What’s different? How can I know?”
Even though he knew the person couldn’t converse normally, his voice came out sounding impatient, filled with sadness and frustration. Regretting it, Lee Hae-sung pressed his eyes and bit his lower lip hard.
The person he was holding burrowed deeper into his embrace. For the first time, like when he lay next to Choi Hong-seo in the same bed, he rubbed his dry lips against his neck.
“Don’t tell me to go. Mister… Mister, I did wrong. I really did wrong. I don’t want to go. I want to stay here…”
He had no choice but to yield to the voice calling him “Mister” and clinging to him. Lee Hae-sung could not resist it. He felt moisture on his neck.
“Okay, let’s not go. You don’t have to. I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
He slowly stroked the back of his head, his shoulders, his back, to calm him. He buried his lips in the damp hair and whispered promises of not letting him go, again and again.
The anxious child soon fell asleep. He had seemed like he would torment him all night, but like Choi Hong-seo that day, who had fallen asleep soundly in his arms without regard for his feelings.
That day, Choi Hong-seo had come to Seocho-dong to watch a Love Story.
When Manager Kang brought drinks, Choi Hong-seo had slyly moved closer to Lee Hae-sung. It was the early days of their relationship, still awkward between them. Yet, when an even more difficult and awkward person appeared, he had unconsciously stood close to Lee Hae-sung.
Choi Hong-seo was so tense because of Manager Kang that he didn’t even realize he was holding onto Lee Hae-sung’s elbow.
At that time, Lee Hae-sung couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto his lips. If possible, he wanted to have Manager Kang stand beside him throughout the movie. Because he wanted to see the child who was voluntarily narrowing the distance and approaching him, relying on him.
Now, it no longer mattered where this child clinging to him had gotten Choi Hong-seo’s information, or why he was imitating Choi Hong-seo. At some point, he had already started seeing this child as Choi Hong-seo, hearing him as Choi Hong-seo, and treating him as Choi Hong-seo. That was the problem.
He tightened the coat wrapped around the child’s body, which was stirring in his arms, and shifted his gaze out the car window.
In the meantime, the raindrops had grown heavier. All that could be seen was a deep emerald world, drenched in the falling rain.
■
When he opened his eyes, Choi Hong-seo needed a moment. He needed to figure out where he was and why he was there.
It felt similar to the blackout after a night of heavy drinking, but for Choi Hong-seo, that moment was terrifying. He was afraid he had woken up in another place, in another body.
Choi Hong-seo was lying in the passenger seat of an SUV. The seat, pushed back as far as possible to allow him to stretch his legs, was reclined to its maximum.
Choi Hong-seo sat up, adjusting the seat. The thin, light cashmere coat that had been covering him slid off.
“……”
He remembered whose it was. Like a comfort blanket, he clutched the coat and pulled it close to his chest.
There was no one in the car. The attendant, and Lee Hae-sung, were nowhere to be seen. Everything that had happened at the Gangwon-do Gutdang was vivid. Although some parts were missing, the scene of him riding in Lee Hae-sung’s car remained. But he had no memory of when he had moved to the front seat.
He turned his gaze out the car window and quickly realized where he was. It was Sowol-ro, Namsan. Lee Hae-sung was visible just within his line of sight.
He wasn’t looking at the night view. He was leaning against the railing, his back to the cityscape, looking towards the car. Choi Hong-seo also fixed his gaze on him and got out of the car.
He was simply watching Yoon Hye-an, or rather, Choi Hong-seo, approaching across the crosswalk. Like the sea after a tidal wave has receded, like someone who had found relief after concluding their complex thoughts, there was no agitation visible in him.
Stopped a few steps away, he offered the coat he was holding. He, dressed only in a shirt with no jacket or coat, looked too cold.
“Here… put this on. I’m wearing a jacket…”
Lee Hae-sung, pulling himself away from the railing, approached. He took the coat and, without any change in his expression, draped it around Choi Hong-seo’s body. Then, he fastened it tightly at his chest.
I was about to say I was fine now that my body temperature had returned to normal, but seeing his expression, I stopped.
“How are you feeling?”
Choi Hong-seo nodded and replied to his voice, which was more husky and raspy than usual.
“Thanks to your care… I’m okay now. My fever’s gone down too.”
To prove it was true, I even touched my forehead to show him.
But he didn’t react to that, as if he already knew the fever had broken. Instead, his gaze slowly, diagonally dropped towards the tip of Choi Hong-seo’s foot.
“The words I said about not needing a replacement.”
“……”
“I’ll take them back.”
Then, his gaze, once again heavy, lifted to meet Choi Hong-seo’s.
I thought he was like the sea after a tidal wave had subsided, but that wasn’t it. He had chosen to throw himself into the tidal wave.
Leaving behind the city’s night view, which seemed to hold all the dreams, hopes, wealth, and glory of the world, he, who once seemed like the master of the entire city, spoke like someone who had nothing.
“Can you hold me like Choi Hong-seo?”