By Zephyria Behind a soft, sweet sigh, like one he sometimes heard when he was Choi Hong-seo, he spoke.
[I’m in front of your house right now.]
He thought he had misheard, and he wished he had. He was several times more surprised by those words now than when ‘Carrot Seller’ had appeared on the screen.
[I told you I could find out Yoon Hye-an’s home address if I wanted to.]
“……”
[I invaded your privacy a bit.]
‘Don’t you think I can easily find out Yoon Hye-an’s home address if I wanted to?’
‘Then that’s an invasion of privacy.’
Even though his voice lacked any humor, he was joking, using their previous conversation as material. But Choi Hong-seo couldn’t laugh, preoccupied with thinking about the intention behind his being at his door. It was a completely unexpected, sudden situation, and his mind couldn’t keep up.
[Did you hang up? Am I talking to myself?]
“No… I’m listening.”
[Are you alone?]
“Yes.”
[Then, could you make me some tea for a moment?]
“What??”
His voice, and his eyes, widened without him realizing it.
[I came all the way here, and I asked for a cup of tea. Is that such a surprising thing?]
“I, I’ll come down right now!”
That’s when he snapped back to reality. Not knowing what to do first, he just moved around busily, pacing between the dining table and the sink.
[I’ve already gotten off the elevator.]
Choi Hong-seo’s legs, which had been faltering, stopped dead. It felt like a boulder had fallen on his instep. He tapped his forehead, trying to squeeze out a thought, but no plausible solution came to mind.
“My place… is small and messy… Uh, down the alley, if you go a little further, there’s a cafe. If you wait there, I’ll be right…”
[Are you chasing away someone who came because they were worried about you?]
“……”
[I even left the company dinner I hosted?]
He knew he was deliberately digging into his guilt to make him open the door. He was determined to enter the house. This way of pushing in without giving him a chance to escape was a different side of Lee Hae-sung that Choi Hong-seo had never encountered.
[If you’re not sick, there’s no reason you can’t show me your face.]
Is he thinking that Yoon Hye-an is pretending not to be sick when he is? Did he come all this way to confirm that?
In the cramped studio apartment, he could hear every sound passing through the hallway. The sound of footsteps, walking slowly, stopped quietly in front of the entrance.
[Or is there something I shouldn’t see?]
Now his voice was heard from two places at once: from the phone and from outside the front door.
The moment he heard those words, Choi Hong-seo’s eyes darted towards the head of the bed. He threw his phone onto the dining table and rushed, almost falling, to jump onto the bed. Though they were inexpensive, he had cherished the posters, but without caring if the corners tore, he snatched them down.
“Just, just a moment! Ten seconds!”
He shouted towards the front door.
Holding the posters in his hand and anxiously looking around the small apartment, Choi Hong-seo hid the wad of paper under the duvet. Then, without even glancing in the mirror, he ran to the front door.
One, two… first he released the auxiliary lock, three, he unlocked the door lock, four, he placed his hand on the handle. Five… even after counting to five, he wasn’t ready. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them, then opened the door.
“……”
As if it were a lie, he was truly there, in the gap of the door.
It wasn’t because he disliked it, but because he was so surprised, the scene was too overwhelming to accept all at once, he almost closed the door again. In fact, he had even stepped back slightly, pulling the door. If he hadn’t grabbed the edge of the door and pulled it open, he might have closed it.
Lee Hae-sung’s gaze scanned Choi Hong-seo’s flushed face and ragged breathing, from taking down and hiding the posters.
“Were you exercising?”
Choi Hong-seo ran his fingers through his hair like a comb and subtly avoided his gaze.
“No… Come in.”
He had no choice but to step aside and make room for him to enter.
“I came in such a hurry that I couldn’t bring anything. Yoon Hye-an even bought me flowers.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
He took off his shoes and stepped inside, then, before even looking around the interior, he faced Choi Hong-seo, who had followed him in.
“You’re not suppressing symptoms, are you? The doctor told you not to hold back.”
“No. It’s just that my condition is a little off.”
“……”
Lee Hae-sung, who had been staring intently, placed the jacket he was holding between his sides on the back of the dining chair. Then, with a look of disbelief, he closed the distance and approached.
“Let’s see if you really don’t have a fever.”
At his movement to touch his forehead immediately, Choi Hong-seo instinctively stepped back. He flinched, glancing at his hand approaching into his field of vision.
“I, I really don’t.”
“If you really don’t, there’s no reason to avoid it.”
It seemed like strange logic, but it also seemed strange to resist any further.
He placed his hand on his forehead, just below his bangs, with a serious expression, like a doctor diagnosing a serious illness. The palm of his hand touching his forehead was warm.
To be alive, even if only in someone else’s body, the mere sensation of touching his hand made his eyes well up. He forced his eyes open and clenched his jaw.
“Hmm.”
Just as he was about to pull back, thinking his hand was staying a little too long, his hand moved to his cheek. This time, it felt like a boulder had fallen on his instep and completely crushed his bones.
His fingers brushed past his ear, digging into his hair, his hand reaching in deeply. His wide palm pressed completely against his cheek. Choi Hong-seo, who had only been looking at his feet, heard a soft voice.
“Good boy.”
That was said to Choi Hong-seo.
If he just ate his meals properly, if he just meekly let him touch his face when he said he missed him, if he just gently rubbed his cheek against his hand… he always praised him, calling him a good boy.
The day the threats from Lee Seo-kyung reappeared and he finally fell ill. The day it poured rain.
Lee Hae-sung, who had come to his dorm, had cupped his forehead and cheek like this, checking his temperature. And then, kissing his burning forehead, he had called him a good boy.
He remembered clinging to him, begging him not to leave, in his feverish delirium. He had never shown such active intent before, but he had done it out of a fear that if he let him go, he would never see him again.
He had forcefully seduced him, who was trying not to touch someone sick, and they had ended up in bed. It was because of the fear that he would never see him again, and because his heart ached more than his sick body, that he couldn’t bear it.
He knew that he was looking at Choi Hong-seo now, not Yoon Hye-an. At least, he was looking for the version of Choi Hong-seo that Yoon Hye-an showed.
No matter how hard he tried to keep his eyes open, he felt he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. Memories were like sharp knives, relentlessly grinding his heart.
It wasn’t just to him; it must have been the same for him after he left.
His neck, ears, and face flushed red. He had no choice but to step back and slip out of his hand. Turning towards the kitchen to hide his face. From behind him, he heard him say with a voice full of regret.
“You don’t seem to have a fever.”
“Please sit on the sofa. I’ll get you some tea. I only have capsule coffee and tea bags, though…”
“Coffee is fine.”
With his back to him, he moved around even more busily than necessary. Even though he had told him to sit on the sofa, his voice came from nearby.
“Were you cooking?”
“I’m not very good at cooking. I was making cat treats…”
Even though he wasn’t going to criticize, he felt embarrassed by the messy kitchen and pushed things out of sight.
“I don’t see any cats.”
“I think she’s hiding under the bed.”
After that, he didn’t say anything else, so he thought he had gone to sit on the sofa. However, when he turned around with the mug of coffee he had made, he was standing in the middle of the room, looking at the shelf above the sofa. On the shelf, which had been there since he moved in, were dried flowers and perfume.
It was the bouquet he had sent through his attendant when he was discharged from the VIP ward. He hadn’t wanted to throw it away, so he had made it into dried flowers and put it in a vase. He wasn’t very good with his hands, and he had to throw away about a third of it while following along with a video. The perfume he had given Yoon Hye-an on his birthday was also placed next to the vase.
In his haste to hide the posters, he hadn’t even thought about that.
“Ah, that… you gave it to me, so it seemed like expensive flowers. Since it was expensive, I felt it was a waste…”
He desperately tried to explain that there was no other meaning, that it wasn’t that he was cherishing it specifically because he had given it to him. As he was making excuses, he turned towards him.
And as he took one of the mugs he held in both hands, he brought up a completely different topic.
“You knew I was causing trouble, didn’t you?”
“……”
Sitting on the sofa, he brought the mug to his lips and spoke. His brain, which felt slower than usual today, had to rummage through his thoughts again to understand what he was saying. The mere fact that he was in his house was overwhelming, bringing all other activities to a halt.
‘You were causing… too much trouble… I’m sorry…’
Ah, right. That was the message he had asked Manager Kang to pass on along with the tie. It seemed Manager Kang had delivered it verbatim. The tie, the tie… It was then that the tie caught his eye.
He had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves comfortably to his elbows, and on his shirt collar was the tie gifted by ‘Yoon Hye-an’.