By Zephyria “Hmm, you shouldn’t be tired. It’s bad for your health, and bad for your looks…”
He muttered nonsensical things he wouldn’t normally say. Then, realizing he could no longer avoid it, he took a long, deep breath. He tossed the remote onto the sofa and said, pretending to be nonchalant.
“Shall we lie down then?”
He let Choi Hong-seo pick his spot first, and even after Choi Hong-seo had propped himself up with a pillow, he wandered around the room, making excuses.
He went to the bathroom again for no reason, took a sip of water from the small refrigerator next to the sofa, and asked Choi Hong-seo if he wanted anything to drink. Choi Hong-seo shook his head from his lying position.
After looking at Choi Hong-seo lying quietly under the covers on his own bed for a moment, he put the water bottle back in the refrigerator and finally climbed onto the bed.
Getting under the same blanket, he turned off all the lights at once using the master button on the headboard.
He lay on his side, facing Choi Hong-seo, and playfully shook Choi Hong-seo’s cheek.
“Are you satisfied now? Choi Hong-seo?”
About a third of the blackout curtain was open, allowing a faint night light to seep into the room. Thanks to that, he could make out his features one by one. His bed was very wide, but they lay at the edge of their respective pillows, as close to each other as possible. As they wriggled under the blanket, they were close enough for their knees to touch his thighs.
His face still held a playful expression, but Choi Hong-seo didn’t smile.
In a small voice, almost a whisper, like boys sharing secrets under blankets at a retreat, he said.
“There’s something I need to tell you beforehand.”
At Choi Hong-seo’s serious expression and tone, his face also became serious.
“You can tell me anything comfortably.”
To reassure him that he was ready to listen, he stroked Choi Hong-seo’s cheek with the back of his hand.
“When… when we do it… I might not feel much.”
“……”
For Choi Hong-seo, his first experience had been violence, and all subsequent sex had been acting. Pretending to feel pleasure, sometimes feigning innocent shyness. He had acted to avoid being humiliated or beaten, or to prevent their complaints to CEO Myeong from bringing his wrath back on him. He had acted to appease them according to their tastes and moods.
He had never felt pleasure. While physical stimulation of his genitals could lead to ejaculation, he didn’t even experience the biological pleasure that should naturally accompany it. There was only the stinging of his skin and a sense of emptiness. He had never maintained an erection during penetration, and therefore, he had never reached ejaculation solely through so-called ‘behind.’
So he had vaguely thought he might have low sensitivity.
But there was no lie in his desire for him. At the same time, he didn’t want to act during intimacy with him. Even if sexual pleasure was somewhat dulled, mental satisfaction would be abundant. He had clearly enjoyed kissing him and being kissed by him.
To avoid disappointing him or making him blame himself, he chose to speak honestly first.
“Even so, it’s not because I don’t like being with you… I really, I want to be with you…”
“Yes, I understand. I won’t misunderstand.”
He reassured him with a gentle smile.
“Thank you for telling me in advance. Everyone’s constitution is different, and it’s okay. What’s important is that we desire each other and share a connection.”
The hand that had been stroking his cheek now swept through the hair covering his forehead. Then, he asked cautiously, as if confirming.
“Are you perhaps trying to force yourself because you don’t really like this kind of thing…”
Choi Hong-seo shook his head firmly. Then, he grabbed his elbow and looked him straight in the eye.
“Does it look like I’m anxious right now?”
“…No.”
Perhaps he was still anxious.
His unspeakable, complex past remained, and with Lee Seo-kyung’s appearance, the situation might be even more anxious than before. But Lee Seo-kyung and CEO Myeong didn’t matter. Such things couldn’t dare to climb onto this bed.
He simply wanted him completely in this moment.
Not as sexual desire, but as the natural next step of the emotion that had taken over his heart.
Someone he liked, someone he could call love. Someone who saw him, dragged through the dirt, as a precious baby. He wanted to open himself completely and share everything with that person. That was all.
Choi Hong-seo reached for his neck. Fondling the skin, he whispered right in front of his face, still as if sharing a secret.
“But… am I Baby?”
He narrowed his eyes for a moment, gauging the meaning of his words, then let out a soft laugh and shook his head. His embarrassed expression at being found out was endearing.
“Ah… you saw me at the cafe?”
But his averted gaze lasted only a moment. His face drew closer, and lying down, he rubbed his nose against Choi Hong-seo’s.
“Darling, right? The truth is, I want to follow you around and take care of you, from start to finish.”
“……”
“Why? Don’t you like it? Should I change it to carrot buyer? Don’t you like it?”
He pulled his face back slightly, observing Choi Hong-seo’s expression. Choi Hong-seo shook his head, his face neither smiling nor crying.
“No, don’t change it. I… I really like it.”
Lying on his side, hunched over, he stroked his endlessly broad shoulders. At the edge of his shoulder, he changed the direction of his hand, moving to his thick deltoid muscle, his elbow and forearm, his wrist… slowly stroking down his arm. Then, from under the covers, he took his wrist in both hands.
What was he trying to do?
He simply watched Choi Hong-seo’s face with curious eyes.
Holding his wrist with both hands, Choi Hong-seo guided his hand towards his own center. A place he would never touch first.
His palm touched the warm flesh, with its distinct bulge and soft, tender skin.
“……”
The corners of his eyes twitched briefly.
Choi Hong-seo slowly began to rub his own genitals against his hand. With every little movement, the thin blanket covering his shoulders rustled.
From top to bottom, then back up again. Then, all the way to the very deep place between his legs. He guided his hand. As his large hand, wide as his tall frame, entered between his thighs, his legs parted.
“Mmm… mm.”
Choi Hong-seo flinched, his eyes narrowing.
Because he, who had passively let his hand be guided, had now tightened his grip, stimulating the flesh between his testicles and anus.
Now, he began to move on his own.
His cupped palm stimulated his entire penis, stroking upwards from below. It wasn’t a simple rubbing motion. The thicker part of his palm pressed against his testicles as he moved up, finally tracing his penis delicately with his fingers.
“Hk, hoot.”
He wasn’t acting. Yet, breaths escaped Choi Hong-seo’s lips on their own.
His gaze, relentlessly following Choi Hong-seo’s every small reaction, was sharp, almost angry.
“Huuu, hk… hu…”
As his hand slid between his legs once more, Choi Hong-seo could only hold his wrist and catch his breath.
His hot lips landed on his eyelids.
“Are you okay?”
Lee Hae-sung’s voice, asking with concern, was also suppressed by something. Even so, his hand continued to touch Choi Hong-seo’s penis with increasing intensity. Choi Hong-seo responded with a strange nod, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.
His penis was already hardening in his hand. He struggled to breathe, despite the countless kisses on his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his philtrum, and his lips. It felt as if his kiss was stealing all the oxygen from his breath. His chest pounded, then tightened.
That was a completely different world, a world Choi Hong-seo didn’t know. To have another person’s hand touch his genitals, and to feel a thrill rather than disgust or indifference. Ah, this was real sexual arousal.
He pulled back his hips, managing to push his shoulder away.
“Now… now, I’ll do it for you.”
Then, swallowing dryly, he immediately crawled under the covers. He watched as the other person, lifting the covers, saw where Choi Hong-seo was going, and let out a soft laugh.
“Mmm… our Darling is quite bold.”
Choi Hong-seo knelt between his legs. That was fine, but he couldn’t pull down his pants as casually as he had done before.
Perhaps because of the act of touching Choi Hong-seo’s genitals just moments ago, his groin was swollen. Judging by the shape, it didn’t seem fully erect, but the overall volume was a bit… a lot, he thought.
He tried to pull down the waistband of his pajamas, but his hands wouldn’t cooperate. They slipped and slid over his skin. Tickled by his fingertips, he chuckled and reached out, ruffling Choi Hong-seo’s hair.
“Hong-seo is going to do it for me?”
“Do you… do you not like it?”
He might not like it. Not all men liked fellatio. That thought only occurred to him then, and he looked up at him.
He shook his head and smiled, still holding up the covers with one hand.
“No, no, it’s not that… How could I dislike it if Hong-seo is doing it for me? It’s just that…”
After a moment of thought, he seemed to decide it wouldn’t work, and pulled Choi Hong-seo’s wrist upwards.
“Come here. That’s dirty. Hong-seo shouldn’t touch it.”
Though he might not have had a delicate or pure appearance, his penis, fresh from a shower, couldn’t possibly be dirty. He understood what he meant, but expressing it that way was a little upsetting. Even if it was Lee Hae-sung himself.
“It’s not dirty… you just showered, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Not today, but later. It would be even better if you did it later.”
Hesitantly, Choi Hong-seo was pulled up as he was led, awkwardly kneeling on his chest. Lee Hae-sung brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his philtrum, and his lips multiple times.
“Let’s touch each other a lot and kiss a lot today. Okay?”
A sex where they touched each other a lot and kissed a lot.
Choi Hong-seo suddenly realized something, as if struck by lightning. Every place he had kissed turned red. He felt shy. He had intended to have sex like a host, like a service.
Even if Lee Hae-sung didn’t know, Choi Hong-seo himself did. He knew why he had immediately tried to perform fellatio on their first sexual encounter.