By Zephyria After falling asleep to ‘her’ hypnotic words, ‘Please stop sleeping.’
This morning, Lee Hae-sung woke up in the bedroom of his accommodation here in Bali. He was lying face down on the bed, still wearing his wet clothes.
His escorts said that he had abandoned the car he drove out in and returned by a shabby taxi.
He was trembling all over, and he refused food and shower, going straight into the bedroom where Choi Hong-seo was ill.
The escorts said so. Of course, Lee Hae-sung had no memory of any of it.
He had only met them around dusk, transitioning into night, in the center of Ubud, with the ‘Bardo Resort’ van. Yet he had returned at dawn.
It seemed he had indeed visited that place with his living body.
Stroking his stubbled jaw from the night, Lee Hae-sung chuckled, as if tutting. He couldn’t believe he was thinking these things. He, who had never believed in phenomena that could not be proven by common sense, logic, and science, was now accepting them.
“Can you hold me like Choi Hong-seo?”
He was confused by himself, addressing ‘Yoon Hye-an’ as ‘Choi Hong-seo’ without hesitation. He didn’t know what he was trying to confirm with that offer. It wasn’t a proposal typical of Lee Hae-sung, nor did it have a clear objective. It was just… he felt he had to.
‘Yoon Hye-an’ crying wouldn’t make his heart ache.
Choi Hong-seo had always defended Lee Hae-sung, calling him a good person, but Lee Hae-sung thought that was blind affection. He wasn’t so generous as to feel his heart tear apart just because someone was crying.
“If it’s someone other than you crying… my heart wouldn’t ache like this.”
From the moment he chose option 6, which wasn’t even an option, that day. Perhaps Lee Hae-sung’s world had already begun to shake.
Choi Hong-seo still showed no signs of waking up.
His long stillness made him anxious again, so he carefully placed his hand under his nose. Warm, regular breaths tickled his skin.
How wonderful it was to be warm, to be alive.
Even if his appearance was different, he could believe this child was Choi Hong-seo. He could look at him with the same devotion as before.
For Lee Hae-sung, this was an inversion of the world.
This morning, Lee Hae-sung had suddenly woken up as if he had fallen from a great height. Cold sweat broke out, and a chill ran down his spine.
He rushed to Choi Hong-seo, who was sleeping right beside him, and checked his breathing first. At that time, the blisters on the spots had already subsided considerably. The face he had touched was no longer burning hot.
‘Consciousness’ had succeeded.
He was amazed that the spots, which had swollen so terrifyingly, had faded. He was unbelievably happy that he wouldn’t collapse for no reason anymore. He looked and looked again at the sleeping face.
After a long while, he carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake him.
He was still wearing the jacket he had left on the floor of the ‘Bardo Resort’ van. He called an escort waiting in front of the bedroom and had him watch over Choi Hong-seo before going into the bathroom.
After showering and cleaning himself, he crawled back into Choi Hong-seo’s side and finally sought a comfortable sleep.
Only a very faint light seeped through the slats of the wood shutters, which were closed downwards. The torrential rain had subsided, and only the chirping of birds and the sound of water flowing in the pool were peaceful.
How long are you going to sleep? Wake up and let me hear your voice, show me your smile. Only then will I be completely at ease, Uncle.
He didn’t want to wake his lover, who must have overexerted himself, but his patience was wearing thin.
He lay down, bending one arm under his head as a pillow. Choi Hong-seo’s face was directly in front of him.
He felt a little annoyed by the peaceful way he slept, as if nothing had ever troubled him. He gently brushed his fingers through his hair, then lightly pinched his nose.
Lee Hae-sung suppressed a laugh at the slight twitch of his forehead and brow. This time, he gently touched the slightly parted lips with his fingertips as he changed his expression. The lips, which had suffered from the fever, were still dry and pale.
He slowly traced over the pitiable lips.
His neat eyelashes fluttered. His pupils began to move beneath his thin eyelids.
“Good morning.”
He whispered in a small voice, as if in his ear.
“Morning passed a long time ago, though.”
After his eyelashes fluttered once more, Choi Hong-seo slowly opened his eyes.
“Why did you sleep so long? I was bored.”
“How did I get here…”
Choi Hong-seo blinked repeatedly, his expression a little dazed, as if he couldn’t grasp the place and situation.
Lee Hae-sung reached out and stroked Choi Hong-seo’s cheek. He had many questions to ask now that his eyes were open.
Would anyone overhear? He lowered his husky voice even further, reluctant to share this moment.
“Do you remember these clothes?”
He asked, lightly pulling at the pajama top Choi Hong-seo was wearing.
He nodded.
“You should answer with words.”
“The day I slept over at your house for the first time… I wore this.”
Lee Hae-sung smiled silently. It was still Choi Hong-seo’s favorite pajamas. Lee Hae-sung’s pajamas, which had to be folded at the sleeves and hem, had now completely become Choi Hong-seo’s.
“When did we first sleep together?”
“……”
Choi Hong-seo’s gaze flickered. He understood the intention of the question.
“The day we returned from Ho Chi Minh City…”
His voice trembled as he answered.
The moment in the small gallery in LA, on the second floor, when Lee Hae-sung acknowledged Choi Hong-seo as Choi Hong-seo.
Similar questions to that moment were continuing.
Watching the tremor in his eyes, Lee Hae-sung was silent for a moment.
His escorts had testified that Choi Hong-seo had never left the bed. He had been ill ever since Lee Hae-sung ran out into the rain. But Lee Hae-sung had met Choi Hong-seo at Bardo.
Where had Choi Hong-seo really been last night?
Was he with me at Bardo, in front of Tal-ui-pa’s cabin?
Or had that experience, lived only by soul, already vanished from Choi Hong-seo’s memory?
“Where we… last parted.”
Lee Hae-sung’s voice was tight with tension, wanting him to remember. Choi Hong-seo’s pupils moved softly, filling with Lee Hae-sung’s image.
“At Bardo… on those stairs.”
The moment that answer came from his dry lips, Lee Hae-sung squeezed his eyes shut. A sharp ache spread through his brow.
He pressed his forehead to forehead, nose to nose, trying to control his emotions. He pulled the body, emaciated from long suffering, as strongly as he could, as much as he wanted. They intertwined their arms, intertwined their legs.
“Who am I?”
“Uncle… Lee Hae-sung.”
“Who are you?”
“Choi Hong-seo.”
“No, you’re a baby?”
He joked, rubbing his lips against his sweat-dried temple. Adjusting it several times, he pulled Choi Hong-seo closer with both arms.
They held each other like that for a while.
The friction of thigh against thigh, arms crossing under armpits, the pounding of hearts that vibrated the other, lips and noses rubbing against the nape of the neck, the volume and warmth of genitals touching warmly.
They felt like a pair made to fit perfectly together, as if created as a set from the beginning. Impossible to exist separately. Becoming incomplete. A pair that had no choice but to return to each other’s side.
“You’re not hurting anymore… right?”
Twice, three times. He nodded in his embrace. Sighing deeply in relief, he kissed his forehead.
“Is there anywhere you want to go? Just say the word. I’ll let you do anything you want now, Hong-seo.”
“Can we go to places like Monkey Forest or Tegalalang?”
“Of course. It doesn’t matter if people recognize us. If Hong-seo wants to, you should do it.”
He wriggled and lifted his chin to look up, and Lee Hae-sung looked down. His expression of disbelief, watching silently, made him laugh.
“Or we can go somewhere else by plane. I took a vacation anyway.”
“……”
“If a resort isn’t good, New York is fine too. Or America… we went last time, so how about Europe? Where would be good? Italy? Switzerland? France?”
“Uncle.”
“Hmm?”
A single finger danced on Lee Hae-sung’s bare chest.
“New York, or Europe… anywhere is good if I go with you.”
“Uh.”
“Right now, there’s a place I really want to go.”
“……”
“Can we… go there first?”
Lee Hae-sung somehow knew where that place was. So, for a moment, he couldn’t answer immediately. He could guess Choi Hong-seo’s feelings.
Would he say no? Choi Hong-seo was anxious. He couldn’t look Lee Hae-sung in the eye and kept drawing unknown shapes on his bare chest, so Lee Hae-sung gently lifted his chin.
“Yes, let’s go.”
“Is it really okay?”
“But.”
“……”
“Let’s eat first. Do you know how many days you’ve starved?”
As if scolding him, he bit his lower lip and looked down sternly. Then, a smiling face returned. Seeing that smile in his embrace melted his heart. Only then did his heart feel at ease.
“I’m hungry. Let’s eat something delicious.”
He pressed his lips firmly onto Choi Hong-seo’s chin, which he had been lightly supporting. He released his lips like a stamp, then his hands fumbled downwards from the embrace. He patted him on the buttocks.
“If you just eat well, I’ll do anything for you. Good boy, my Hong-seo.”
He never knew that the words “I’m hungry,” and not just “anything,” but “let’s eat something delicious,” could bring such happiness.
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