By Zephyria As I brushed away the rain that constantly blurred my vision, I slowly moved my feet. Looking at her up close, she was clearly Balinese. Yet, her Korean pronunciation was flawless, as if she had been born and raised in Korea.
“What’s wrong?”
The woman asked, seemingly puzzled, urging me on. Her expression suggested, ‘Why are you hesitating instead of getting in?’
“There is someone I must take. He is waiting for me. I must take him.”
“Ah, that’s what you meant. I understand,” she said, nodding with a smile.
“Mr. Choi has already checked in and is waiting.”
“……”
There was no need to doubt or test any further.
A resort I hadn’t booked had sent someone to this unarranged location to find ‘Mr. Lee.’ Even that alone could not be called a coincidence, but on top of that, she was talking about ‘Mr. Choi.’ Not ‘Mr. Yoon,’ but ‘Mr. Choi.’
Lee Hae-sung got into the car, his body drenched. She pressed a button to close the rear door and then got into the front passenger seat. The man driving glanced at Lee Hae-sung and gave a short nod.
It was still pouring rain. Everything outside the car window looked distorted due to the rain running down the glass.
Leaving the empty center of Ubud, the car drove east.
When I took off my wet jumper and placed it on the floor, she handed me a towel from the front row.
“You’re very wet. Please use this.”
“Thank you. But are we going to Mount Agung now?”
“Our resort’s pride is that we have prepared the finest internal facilities so that guests can enjoy nature without any inconvenience, while minimizing the damage to the primeval forest of Mount Agung. You will like it.”
She answered, leaning slightly towards the passenger seat. Her tone was proud.
As I had confirmed a few hours earlier, there were no notable structures on Mount Agung other than temples, let alone such a luxury resort. However, I didn’t feel the need to delve into that.
It wouldn’t have been a resort I could find by searching Mount Agung in the first place.
It’s not something that can be found by searching. It’s something that appears when one is ready.
Wiping the water from my face with the soft towel, Lee Hae-sung let out a hollow laugh. It was a laugh born of disbelief at the events unfolding before him.
“Is it true that Mr. Choi… is already there? Before me?”
“Of course.”
She answered this time without looking back.
“The child who couldn’t even open her eyes because she was sick…”
Lee Hae-sung, who had continued his question based on realistic standards, stopped himself. He took out his phone from his inner jacket pocket. To contact Choi Hong-seo.
Although his shirt was soaked from the sweat, his phone was safe thanks to the jacket’s waterproofing. However, he couldn’t use any other functions like calls or messengers.
The woman in the passenger seat turned around and smiled.
“You would have been informed in advance that your phone wouldn’t work.”
“What information did I receive…?”
Lee Hae-sung’s words trailed off as he was about to say that he hadn’t received any such information.
“Your phone won’t work up there.”
The local guide I had urgently sought out to climb the temple on Mount Agung. He had definitely said that. Could it be… was that man also a facade planted by them?
She smiled again, as if to say, ‘See? You were informed, weren’t you?’
“Don’t worry. It will work properly after you check out.”
Lee Hae-sung didn’t reply. His mind was blank, as if he were possessed. No, he was definitely in a state of possession.
“Do you happen to have a cigarette?”
“Please, smoke comfortably.”
I had expected as much. And it was as expected. As if she had been waiting, she handed him a cigarette and a lighter. It was the same brand he smoked. I had reached a point where I couldn’t even laugh hollowly anymore.
I rolled down the window just enough to keep the rain out and lit the cigarette.
Once we were completely out of the center of Ubud, there was nothing to be seen outside the car window. After taking a few puffs, Lee Hae-sung asked in a voice heavy as if soaked in rain,
“Why is this happening?”
“Why?”
“There are countless people in the world who are as wronged and pitiful as that child. To me, the child’s scratch from paper is a bigger deal than someone else’s serious illness, but that’s just my situation. So, the reason for bringing the child back to life cannot be because of lingering regrets from an unfortunate life or an unjust death due to being dragged around by bastards…”
“You know very well.”
‘What are you talking about? That child? What do you mean, brought back to life?’ — She didn’t play dumb like that.
Her reaction made it clear.
She was someone who knew everything. Or, was she even human? The Balinese man who seemed like a con artist, the guide I met on Mount Agung. Perhaps everyone I’ve met here… were they all human? Was this reality? Was I even breathing and alive?
It didn’t matter. As long as I could get confirmation that I could be with him without my heart pounding. Whether this was reality or unreality, or somewhere in between, Bardo, it didn’t matter.
“Yet, you brought that child back to life, and after bringing her back, you are making her suffer like this again. What is the reason for committing such a cruel act?”
Anger slowly crept into Lee Hae-sung’s voice. The fingers holding the cigarette trembled.
“As much as you insist, this rain today is truly something. Mr. Lee, do you know why it’s raining?”
“……”
At the sudden talk of rain, Lee Hae-sung lifted his head, which had been bowed. She was still looking straight ahead.
“When the clouds become too heavy to be supported by updrafts, the water vapor falls as raindrops.”
At Lee Hae-sung’s dry, textbook-perfect answer, the driver, who had remained silent until then, let out a low laugh as if amused. She also smiled faintly and wiped the condensation from the car window with her palm.
“That’s a neat explanation. But that’s just the principle of rain, not the reason. No one knows why it rains with a specific purpose.”
Just as no one knows by whom, and for what purpose, this universe and this earth were created.
Just as no one knows why we are born and where we disappear to.
However, Lee Hae-sung could not be satisfied with such an explanation for the new suffering his lover was experiencing.
“Are you saying that these impossible things, things no one would believe… happened without any reason or purpose?”
“I understand your dissatisfaction.”
Her tone was like that of a resort employee dealing with a complaining guest.
“People expect God, a conceptual being, to punish the wicked and reward the good, but if that were the case, the world wouldn’t be running as it is now. Ah, I’m not talking about the afterlife. Disclosure about that is forbidden. At least in this life, as people call it, God does not judge or intervene.”
She paused after saying that much. Then, in a slightly brighter voice than before, she said kindly,
“But don’t worry. We take responsibility and fix things that happen due to our mistakes.”
Quickly stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray, Lee Hae-sung leaned forward.
“What do you mean by ‘fix’? You’re not suggesting sending him back to death, surely that irresponsible talk?”
“Certainly not. Mr. Choi, Mr. Yoon. According to the plan, both of you should have reached the end of your lives, but due to an error on our part, Mr. Choi regained life within Mr. Yoon’s body. In such cases, a new lifespan, different from the original shares of Mr. Choi or Yoon, must be prepared. To use a Korean analogy, the current Mr. Choi is like a person living without a resident registration number.”
Lee Hae-sung, listening intently, his eyes gleamed sharply in the darkness.
“You mean both should have reached the end of their lives… that Yoon Hye-an’s body’s death was approaching, and that’s why spots appeared on Hong-seo’s body?”
“That’s right. Mr. Lee, you look very tired. You should get some rest until we arrive.”
Whether she was annoyed by Lee Hae-sung’s barrage of questions, or if further detailed answers were forbidden, she tried to shut down the conversation.
Lee Hae-sung turned his head to look out the car window. It was still raining, and still, nothing could be seen outside the window. Letting out a long sigh, Lee Hae-sung muttered,
“I wish I could do that too.”
He recalled Choi Hong-seo’s face, the last thing he saw before leaving the villa.
His face contorted in pain, his lips dry and pale from the high fever, the hot breath he exhaled with difficulty.
“My child, my own flesh and blood. My child is also in great pain.”
He didn’t know how the child understood the meaning of his words spoken in English in front of the interpreter. It wasn’t a thought-out statement. It was simply his deepest sincerity, ripened by the most desperate situation, blooming into words.
My child. My Baby.
At some point, Choi Hong-seo had become such a being.
He intended to love him alone until all his remaining love was exhausted. He didn’t know. He didn’t know that sometimes, loving too much meant that love mixed with blood. That it became a love that could not be severed, like that between parents and children bound by blood.
Closing his eyes, unable to shake off the image of Choi Hong-seo suffering. He wished he could suffer in his place. He wished he could give his own lifespan. Therefore, that child was ‘his child.’
“You must be tired, so you will sleep soundly.”
Her voice seeped into his hearing. He couldn’t remember when he had last slept soundly. It was probably since he heard the news that Choi Hong-seo had jumped from a building in Bangkok.
“I will wake you when we arrive, so please sleep comfortably. You will be able to meet Mr. Choi when you wake up.”
Yet, her words were like a lullaby, and he soon fell into a deep sleep.
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