By Zephyria However, he soon smiled.
“Shall we order a few appetizers and drink here?”
Though it was a distorted smile meant to mask his pain, perhaps it was because Choi Hong-seo had collapsed just before.
Or perhaps I’ve become sensitive because of the dream I had.
Lee Hae-sung tenderly caressed Choi Hong-seo’s face. He swept his hair back, soothed his swollen eyes, and wiped away the moisture on his cheeks with his thumb.
“The security team is waiting in the living room, so it would be more intimate to drink in the bedroom.”
The location didn’t matter. Choi Hong-seo nodded vaguely. While he called the attendant outside the door to request drinks and snacks, he rested his forehead on his shoulder again, turning his face away. As if he wanted to see no one but Lee Hae-sung, and show himself to no one.
He put his arm around Choi Hong-seo’s back, patting him as the latter acted like a child, unlike his usual self, and dealt with the attendant. Even after they were alone again, in the dim room, the two embraced each other in silence for a while.
“I don’t mind Hong-seo wanting to stay so close… but I’m a little worried? Your fever has dropped a lot, but are you still sick? Are you acting like a baby because you’re in pain?”
Feeling the gentle touch stroking his hair, Choi Hong-seo rubbed his face against his neck.
“I had a scary dream… and was a bit startled when I woke up. That’s why. It’s not much different from usual. You don’t have to worry too much. If you just hold me a little longer…”
“What kind of dream was it? Maybe you’ll feel better if you tell me.”
“……”
“You don’t have to if it’s hard to talk about.”
“I was afraid you’d be sad if I told you…”
Just recalling his appearance in the dream made it difficult to maintain my composure. My voice immediately grew watery. What is wrong with me…
I closed my eyes and bit my lip tightly so he wouldn’t see.
“If that’s the case, I’d rather you tell me. Hong-seo, you said it yourself. We’re accomplices.”
“……”
“We have to share even the solid darkness, like stones.”
Clutching the back of his shirt tighter, Choi Hong-seo swallowed dryly. Only after loosening his tie, unbuttoning a few top buttons of his shirt, and burying half his face in the nape of Lee Hae-sung’s neck did he gather his courage.
“I saw the day… they cremated me.”
“……”
“In Thailand. Ji-in Hyung and Ji-in Hyung’s partner… were in a car. You were in a different car.”
“……”
“No matter how much I called out to you from outside the car, you couldn’t hear my voice… I felt like I was going crazy…”
It was impossible to convey the story calmly.
Lee Hae-sung, who had been listening as if frozen, brought Choi Hong-seo’s hand to his cheek. As if to confirm his presence.
“It’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay now. You’re here with Hong-seo now.”
It wasn’t just a dream, it was something that had happened. What you saw wasn’t a dream, but the past. Lee Hae-sung couldn’t say it. He didn’t think it would be good for Choi Hong-seo to know more about the fact that things that couldn’t be explained by common sense were continuing to happen.
To Choi Hong-seo, who had said they had to be accomplices.
To Choi Hong-seo, who had said if his hands were stained with blood, so were mine.
It was like having to hide the knife that would soon stab Jo Seong-hyeon.
And there was one thing he couldn’t bring himself to say, even if he wanted to.
“It was all a dream, Hong-seo. Let’s forget it. Okay? We have to try to think only of good things.”
In his tangible embrace, Choi Hong-seo nodded.
Only good thoughts… I wish I could, but I knew all too well that things didn’t work out just by thinking or wishing. Waking up from that dream, Choi Hong-seo felt like he had learned something he didn’t want to know. Like having the ending of a book you were engrossed in spoiled.
Perhaps this time wasn’t going to last much longer.
A terrifying story, too frightening to even utter aloud. A terrifying ending.
He carefully raised his face and looked up at him. With a face that looked like it could burst into tears at any moment, just like in the dream, Lee Hae-sung smiled again. And he tenderly stroked every inch of Choi Hong-seo’s face.
His touch was always carefully affectionate, but today it was especially tender. As if Choi Hong-seo would feel pain wherever his hand touched. As if tracing over wounds like burns or abrasions.
“My face must be a mess from crying earlier, right? I’ll go wash up.”
“Hong-seo!”
He couldn’t bear his gaze. Lee Hae-sung urgently grabbed Choi Hong-seo’s wrist as he tried to stand up, wiping his face with the back of his hand. His face, pale enough to be recognizable even in the dim light, was clearly unusual. Yet, he was trying to hide it.
He slightly loosened his grip on Choi Hong-seo’s wrist, which he had held with painful force. Then he forced an unnatural smile.
“Stay here. You can ask me to bring a towel. I’ll wipe it for you.”
“You held me so tightly, I’m okay now.”
“It’s because I don’t want to be apart from Hong-seo, even for a moment.”
Lee Hae-sung pulled at Choi Hong-seo’s wrist, who was kneeling on the floor, trying to get off the bed. If he wanted to, he could easily deceive me. Choi Hong-seo thought so. But now, he couldn’t easily deceive him. That made Choi Hong-seo increasingly uneasy.
Returning to him, Choi Hong-seo cupped Lee Hae-sung’s face this time. Just as he always did for him. Since he hadn’t let go, his left hand was still held, so he could only touch him with his right.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was asleep? Is that why?”
His dry lips were chapped from accumulated fatigue and lack of sleep. He parted his lips, inhaling. But he couldn’t push the words out. This was the first time he had seen him hesitate this much.
Swallowing dryly several times and parting his lips, his eyes roamed over Choi Hong-seo’s face. His jaw, the side of his lips, beneath his ears… the gaze that swept over those places didn’t seem accidental.
“……”
For a moment, Choi Hong-seo felt he understood the meaning of that gaze. He understood. Just like in the dream where he felt he had learned the ending of the book he was reading.
He gently placed his hand over Lee Hae-sung’s hand holding his wrist. He softly traced each prominent, strong knuckle.
“It’s okay. I’ll be back after washing my face soon.”
Lee Hae-sung must have felt it too, from his calm voice. That Choi Hong-seo had figured it out.
As he fully stepped off the bed, Lee Hae-sung’s hand holding his wrist suddenly let go. He covered his face with that hand and buried it. He couldn’t bear to look at Choi Hong-seo.
The bathroom attached to the bedroom was dazzling. Of the many lights, he turned on only the simplest indirect lighting. His steps towards the sink were unsteady.
“……”
So that’s it. Just as I expected.
Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he tried to pretend he was okay.
His jaw, the side of his lips, beneath his ears, his cheeks, under his eyes… spots had appeared wherever his gaze had landed.
For some reason, the spots that had spread to his face looked much more hideous than those below his face. He wanted to erase them. He didn’t want him to see him like this. Not only was it someone else’s face, but this disgusting illness… no, it wasn’t an illness. He wasn’t collapsing because of an illness, and these marks weren’t covering his whole body because of an illness.
What sin was it for him to have to love something that was neither a corpse nor a ghost.
He splashed water on his face several times. Even precious ointment wouldn’t work, so there was no way water would wash it away, but he poured water on himself frantically until the front of the t-shirt he had changed into while unconscious was soaked. He scrubbed with his palms.
And then, gasping with sobs, he lifted his wet face, and there he stood in the mirror.
Pretending to wipe his face with the towel, he covered it.
“Is this why you were like this, oppa?”
He feigned cheerfulness. Even though he knew it was more awkward to act cheerful.
“It’s not like it suddenly appeared. There are a lot on my body, on my hands, we’ve already seen it all. What’s so different about it appearing on my face? I knew it would spread to my face someday. You’re such a strong person, oppa. Was it just this that made you look like you were about to cry?”
“Hong-seo…”
His voice grew closer, but he couldn’t face him.
“I’m okay. I only have to endure one more day, right? Tomorrow, when we go to America, everything will be resolved, right?”
“Choi Hong-seo, look at me.”
He dodged his hand, which was trying to grasp his face. The sound of a door opening and closing from the bedroom, the clatter of something being dragged and moved, could be heard. Choi Hong-seo tried to pass by his shoulder.
“It must be the drinks and food.”
Lee Hae-sung, who had wrapped his hands around Choi Hong-seo’s wrists, roughly pulled his arm. The hand holding the towel was left hanging in the air, unable to cover his face.
“You said you were okay. Why can’t you look at me?”
This was the first time Lee Hae-sung had shown such a rough expression and tone, overwhelming him with his strong grip. Choi Hong-seo’s eyes, which hadn’t cried even when looking in the mirror, quickly turned red. He knew intellectually that he wasn’t angry at him, but Lee Hae-sung was the only one who could make Choi Hong-seo feel miserable.
“Don’t hide it. Did you commit a crime?”
Despite his rough voice, at the end of his words, he pulled Choi Hong-seo by the wrists he was gripping and pulled him into an embrace. As if he would never let him go. As if to show him off to someone, he held him tightly.
“I didn’t care that your face was different. Did you think I’d change my mind over some spots?”
The tears he had held back in his burning eyes finally streamed down his cheeks. He hugged his back in return.
“Oppa, let’s drink. Let’s drink until we’re drunk.”