By Zephyria The family who never sent a single side dish to Choi Hong-seo throughout his trainee days. His parents, who flew into a rage saying he was getting airs and should leave home because he wanted to become an entertainer and wasn’t thinking about earning money, meant Choi Hong-seo couldn’t go home even on rare holidays. The situation was the same during his long period of obscurity after his debut. Only when he started bringing in money could he finally be treated like a son. They were people who only saw Choi Hong-seo through money.
CEO Myeong? That man would rather stab my corpse than arrange for me to be cremated and enshrined in an ancestral shrine. And in a VIP room? Impossible.
There was only one person in the world who would treat me as a VIP. No need to think deeply. I knew whose influence it was. I could tell.
Choi Hong-seo’s steps gradually stopped in front of the most prominently decorated glass case, on the seventh tier, closest to people’s eye level.
“……”
He clearly saw the name engraved on the memorial tablet placed next to the pure white urn.
Choi Hong-seo.
However, neither in the urn nor on the tablet could he find the characters for ‘the late.’ Whoever prepared this ancestral shrine must have strongly disliked using those characters…
Choi Hong-seo unconsciously tightened his grip on the bag strap, which was slung across his chest. Then, he slowly took in the decorations inside the glass case.
Bright fresh flowers, Choi Hong-seo’s solo album, portraits drawn by fans, and cute caricatures based on Hong-shi, Choi Hong-seo’s nickname, were arranged charmingly around the urn and memorial tablet. The Hong-shi character, eating cookies, also had a handwritten note from a fan.
Our leader Hong-shi, I hope you can eat all the cookies you like without worrying about gaining weight there, and forget everything else, remembering only those who love you.
The Hong-shi in the drawing, eating a mountain of cookies, was a soft pastel orange, smiling contentedly with half-closed eyes. It looked plump, soft, and utterly happy. There was not a trace of gloom or sadness.
Choi Hong-seo’s hand, gripping the bag strap, tightened with even greater force. His knuckles turned white.
He had been completely terrified that even his long-time fans would turn their backs on him if the ‘X-Boy Scandal’ was fully exposed. He was convinced no one would see him as a victim. He was sure they wouldn’t forgive him for leaving that way. He hadn’t thought there would be people who would remember and draw him so happily.
Next to the Hong-shi character was a framed portrait of Choi Hong-seo smiling brightly. It was such a vivid piece that it looked as if the Choi Hong-seo in the painting would suddenly move and burst into laughter. A short note was also attached below the painting.
Our Hong-leader, who deeply loves his fans.
Please don’t worry about us and just rest peacefully.
We believe in you and will only remember the happiness you gave us.
He stood there for a long time. What Choi Hong-seo felt standing there was simply regret. A profound regret that resonated through his entire body and chilled his bones.
He had committed an act he should never have done. To escape the stones thrown by people he didn’t love, and out of fear of being despised by those he did love, he had inflicted the worst pain on the people he loved. That was not love. I only thought of myself.
Clutching the bag strap with both hands, he repeatedly bit his lower lip.
Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot…
“Yoon Hye-an-ssi?”
“……”
The voice that suddenly came from behind made him release his bitten lip.
The voice from behind sounded surprised to find someone who shouldn’t be there. This encounter was just as startling for Choi Hong-seo. He was completely unprepared.
Hesitantly turning around, he saw Lee Hae-sung standing there, as expected. He was holding fresh flowers to decorate the ancestral shrine.
“What are you doing here?”
His voice was like the clashing of hard metal.
“I… I came to visit Hong-seo.”
It was an encounter he hadn’t expected at all, so he could only answer spontaneously. His voice trembled.
Lee Hae-sung looked suspicious. He knew well that the only people Choi Hong-seo had been close to in the entertainment industry were Jeong Ji-in and Lee Hyun-su from the same company.
Across the sofa set in the center of the hall, he stepped further forward. His cold eyes, as if accusing, pierced his skin.
“Were you close with Choi Hong-seo-ssi?”
He knew everything, yet he was testing him. He couldn’t lie to him, who knew everything. Choi Hong-seo’s hands, gripping the bag strap, were now almost twisting and squeezing the strap.
“No… that’s not it… we only exchanged greetings a few times.”
“……”
He was asking with his expression why you, of all people, had come here. His expression was far from welcoming to an unexpected guest who had come to see the deceased.
“Because I’m the one who ended up taking the role Hong-seo had… so I came to say hello…”
“Your title is strange.”
“……”
“Aren’t you a year younger than Choi Hong-seo? And you said you weren’t even close.”
His tone was reminiscent of an interrogating detective.
It was Lee Hae-sung, whom Choi Hong-seo didn’t know. Though his rejection stung, he wanted to see the man he had never met before. Mustering his courage, he lifted his head.
He had come straight from work, dressed in a perfectly neat suit with no flashy details. It was the image of the ARA Electronics Vice President seen in the news. However, his expression was alive. It wasn’t the poker face that reporters complained was impossible to read.
Perhaps displeased by the prolonged eye contact without a word, his brow furrowed noticeably.
“I’m sorry.”
Choi Hong-seo barely managed to say it in a voice that seemed to crawl out of him, then lowered his head.
“You say you came to greet me, but you didn’t even prepare a single flower.”
“……”
He had come empty-handed, thinking it was absurd to mourn his own death with flowers. But he couldn’t say that to him.
Lee Hae-sung’s eyes swept coldly down Choi Hong-seo, whose lips seemed sealed. It wasn’t hard to imagine how Yoon Hye-an, adorned head to toe in luxury brands, would appear in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through…”
Choi Hong-seo gnawed at the peeling skin on his lower lip, clinging only to the strap of his bag.
His brow throbbed, and his eyes felt hot, on the verge of tears. He didn’t want to cry. For a very long time, Choi Hong-seo hadn’t been that kind of person. As if he never had the chance to feel sorrow, he hadn’t been allowed the leisure to shed tears and wallow in sentimentality. He had only thought of becoming a top star. He had worked himself to death, living fiercely and ruthlessly.
Yet, in front of this man, it was difficult to be ruthless. He just couldn’t manage it.
He didn’t need to be ruthless in front of this person. Because he was the one who melted away all his ferocity.
“Even if I invested, the work itself belongs entirely to the director, so I have no intention of arguing about casting. I don’t think Yoon Hye-an is a particularly suitable fit, but if that’s the director’s opinion, I suppose I must follow it.”
“……”
“But please, stop imitating him.”
Choi Hong-seo’s fingertips twisted the bag strap, his nails digging into his flesh.
He felt dizzy. His strength drained from his back, and cold sweat instantly soaked his entire body. He staggered towards a chair a few steps away and gripped its back.
Every time he looked in the mirror, he saw Yoon Hye-an’s face, and every time, he flinched. But the pain of this moment, unable to tell him he was Choi Hong-seo, was the most vivid proof of his own death and this absurd reincarnation.
You really died. The you he loved is gone now.
“You got the role you wanted now, didn’t you?”
“……”
“What exactly is the purpose of your visit here?”
He was now showing his displeasure completely. His face looked as though he might stride over, grab him by the collar, and drag him out of here.
His face, with its mathematically perfect proportions, neither too much nor too little, was a little thinner and more gaunt than he remembered. And he was wearing an expression Choi Hong-seo had never seen.
“Just because a child no longer exists in the world doesn’t mean people like you can use them as you please. Do you understand?”
This was the first time he had seen him so angry.
Not through a news article, not through the name on a memorial tablet… but through him, he was forced to confirm his own death again and again. Through him, his existence was denied. You are not Choi Hong-seo. I don’t love you, the one who isn’t Choi Hong-seo.
I really have died.
He was sweating so much his clothes were soaked. The floor seemed to bend and ripple like waves. A wave of nausea rose, just as it had when he first looked up his news articles at the hospital.
But he wanted to hold onto his consciousness until he could somehow leave this place. If he collapsed here, they would surely think he was putting on a show. Right now, Yoon Hye-an’s tears or fainting spells would only seem like a despicable trick to him. There would be no one to hold him and comfort him in his distress.
If only I had known this would happen, I should have asked Yong-jae to come with me…
Choi Hong-seo bit his lip, and the bitter taste of blood seeped between his teeth.
“What are you doing? Hey, Yoon Hye-an.”
His displeased, contorted face flickered in his vision and then vanished completely.
If I were truly Yoon Hye-an, only half-mad and believing myself to be Choi Hong-seo. And if all the time I believed I remembered with Lee Hae-sung was also a delusion.
If that were the case, I couldn’t be this much in pain while looking at the object of a fantasy, a false romance.
These feelings, this pain, could not be fake.
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