By Zephyria “My face… is different, isn’t it?”
He cupped Choi Hong-seo’s chin and gently lifted it, preventing him from avoiding his gaze.
“Don’t hide it.”
His face, meeting his again, was resolute. And after a moment of eye contact, his gaze softened again. His thumb gently scraped the skin on his chin.
“The day you collapsed at the house in Seocho-dong. It must have been from that day.”
“……”
“That I started to feel something was strange.”
The hand that had been touching his chin dropped. He bent his right knee, which was positioned with his legs framing Choi Hong-seo, and rested his arm on it. Then, tilting his head, he looked out the window beyond the thin curtain.
“You said you would never say anything bad about the Vice President. You repeated Hong-seo’s words openly. As if provoking me, who was suspecting and questioning you. Without avoiding my eyes.”
His gaze shifted from the window to him, back to Choi Hong-seo.
“You might not know it… but those words were the starting point of me falling in love with the person named Choi Hong-seo.”
“Mmm…”
A heavy sigh, like a groan, escaped Choi Hong-seo’s lips.
“You told me I was a good person. You always nodded like a well-behaved child, but as if being stubborn… you said the Vice President was a good person. And that no matter what happened, you would never say anything bad about me.”
He smiled faintly, reminiscing.
“You didn’t seem weak at all back then. I knew you were someone who would keep that promise no matter what. For example, even if I were no longer ARA’s Lee Hae-sung… or, literally, even if a knife were at my throat… this person would keep this word.”
“……”
“It was that blind purity that decisively captivated me.”
Smiling with a face that looked like it could cry at any moment, he tapped Choi Hong-seo’s nose with his index finger.
“But you said the same thing as back then. With the same look in your eyes that made me fall for you.”
His fingertips moved across other parts of his face like ripples. He tapped his swollen eyelids, traced his cheekbones, and caressed his lips.
“Your features are different, but the expression you looked at me with was the same…”
“……”
“Even though your voice is different, the way you spoke to me was the same…”
“……”
“Even while cynically thinking you were just meticulously imitating, I couldn’t shake it off.”
Having finished examining various parts of his face with his fingertips, he looked down at Choi Hong-seo and chuckled. This time, it wasn’t a laugh that looked like he was about to cry.
“What expression you have when you look at me, only I would know that. Even you don’t know it.”
“……”
“Like a child who has forgotten everything in the world and is concentrating on listening to the most interesting part of an old story… that kind of face… like now.”
When he realized he was looking at him with such thoughts, Choi Hong-seo suddenly felt shy. He hadn’t realized his heart was so openly revealed. As he lowered his gaze, he again lifted his chin and made him meet his eyes.
“It wasn’t your face or your voice that made me like you. It was the expression you looked at me with, the words you said to me.”
“……”
“So don’t hide it. Look at me more, and tell me more.”
He met his gaze and nodded. He thought his mouth was dry, not just from crying, but his mouth too. Surprisingly, tears welled up again. He pulled out a tissue and gently pressed it to his eyes, shaking his head.
“No, no. Stop now. You really have to stop crying now. You’ll get exhausted and collapse at this rate.”
He tightened his lips, trying to swallow his tears.
“Let’s talk about everything slowly from now on. Okay?”
At his gentle voice, he nodded earnestly.
Lee Hae-sung, who stood up first, pulled Choi Hong-seo’s hand. Hesitating for a moment while seated, Choi Hong-seo leaned on his pulling arm and pushed himself up with his knees.
There was something he absolutely had to say before leaving this place. Watching him pick up Choi Hong-seo’s bag from the floor and brush off the dust, he took a breath and opened his mouth.
“At that time.”
The moment he uttered those words, both of them knew. What ‘at that time’ referred to.
He straightened his back, brushing off his bag, and met his eyes.
They both knew it would touch a wound that was still bleeding. But Choi Hong-seo felt he had to say it now. He couldn’t leave holding his hand while covering it up.
“To people living normal lives, my thoughts and decisions might seem pathetic and foolish… but at that time, I thought it was the only way.”
He deliberately slowed his pace, wanting to speak without crying.
“I was just deceiving myself to endure, but I realized too late that I had already crossed my limit long ago.”
Immediately, he approached and grasped his shoulder.
“If it’s painful, don’t talk about it. You can do it later.”
“I feel like I have to do it now.”
“……”
“Here. At this photo exhibition.”
The grip on his shoulder tightened.
“Don’t talk as if you’re going to disappear. There’s plenty of time ahead.”
Hearing his voice, which had become impatient and rough, he knew. Although he said there was plenty of time ahead, it was just him trying to convince himself, and he was afraid too. He was trying to ignore the vague fear that he didn’t know when this strange phenomenon might revert to its original state.
Choi Hong-seo placed his hand over Lee Hae-sung’s hand gripping his shoulder.
“It’s true that I thought I could at least protect your name.”
His voice trembled terribly and broke.
“But… me…”
“……”
“Continuing to remember me like this, suffering, loving… I didn’t think…”
He didn’t want to make an emotional appeal with tears. He stopped speaking and swallowed dryly several times. The image of Lee Hae-sung fiercely confronting those who had chewed up the deceased Choi Hong-seo like a curiosity was vivid.
He wanted to speak while looking into his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to lift his head.
“I’m sorry.”
He looked down at his feet.
“I shouldn’t have. I was selfish…”
Choi Hong-seo’s words stopped at the touch of two hands cupping his cheeks. Instead of lifting Choi Hong-seo’s face, he bent his own waist to meet his gaze.
“What was the first movie we watched together?”
“Love Story…”
Choi Hong-seo answered bewilderedly, unable to grasp the intention of the suddenly resumed quiz.
“Jenny and Oliver fight a lot, and Oliver searches for Jenny all day. He doesn’t know she’s sitting in front of the house, having lost her key.”
“……”
“What did Jenny say to Oliver when he apologized? Do you remember?”
“Ah…”
Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
He hadn’t understood that line when they watched
But now, that word felt as if it had been born within Choi Hong-seo’s chest. He understood it profoundly, as if it were a script he himself had written.
What would the feelings of the person hearing the words “I’m sorry” from someone they love be like? It would never be happiness.
Moreover, the two people who loved each other deeply already understood each other’s true feelings, as if their emotions and thoughts were connected. Therefore, the apology that pained the heart was unnecessary. At least, there were moments when it was unnecessary.
He came closer and embraced Choi Hong-seo. His lips, breathing warm air, touched his ear. Just like before. For that moment, he was grateful to Yoon Hye-an, who had a similar height.
“You said you’d never say anything bad to me. You promised.”
“……”
“You… did that to keep the promise that made me fall in love with you.”
He raised his hands and hugged his back, gripping the knit with both hands. He decided not to close his eyes, wanting to remember everything about this moment. Perhaps this revival wouldn’t be a punishment. He thanked God.
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