By Zephyria ■
The auditions for
Unusually, the final audition venue was a suite in a luxury hotel.
Choi Hong-seo had attended quite a few auditions in the past, but this was his first time auditioning in such a place. No matter how famous the director’s work, such a large production cost was never used for an audition venue.
The applicants waited in the living room, and the auditions were held in the study room inside. The space was so vast that the three applicants could stay far apart from each other and focus on their audition preparations. Choi Hong-seo was assigned to the area with a round dining table.
Autumn sunlight streamed warmly through the large window, offering a panoramic view of the Han River and the Seoul cityscape beyond. Summer had completely passed.
Yong-jae, who had accompanied him, marveled at the view and paced by the window, while Choi Hong-seo repeated the lines he had memorized to the point of familiarity under his breath.
“Lee Hae-sung is investing in this movie, so the scale is indeed different. I’ve never been in such a nice room before.”
“……”
The name Lee Hae-sung, which suddenly reached his ears, was like a surprise attack on Choi Hong-seo. Though he had done nothing wrong, his fingers tightened, creasing the corner of the script.
“The President said this room costs 20 million won a night. Did they really rent it for 20 million won for an audition?”
“I don’t know…”
Unable to look Yong-jae, who had come to sit in the chair opposite him, directly in the eye, he fidgeted with the coffee cup placed before him.
“Ah, Hyung, you need to prepare for your audition, and I was chattering too much, wasn’t I? I’ll be quiet so you can concentrate.”
The first applicant was currently auditioning, and Choi Hong-seo was next. He had been so intensely focused, driven by the determination that ‘no matter what, I have to get this role,’ through the first three rounds. But now, having reached the final audition, it was impossible not to feel nervous.
Choi Hong-seo put down his script, quietly pushed his chair back, and stood up. Yong-jae’s gaze followed him.
“Where are you going?”
“To the restroom.”
“Again? You just went ten minutes ago.”
“I’ll go one more time.”
“It’s your turn next, so go quickly.”
The guest restroom was located past a maze-like corridor, next to the kitchenette. It was in the opposite direction from the study where the auditions were being held.
He washed his hands thoroughly with soap, took a deep breath, and practiced his lines once more while looking at the unfamiliar face in the mirror, which he still hadn’t gotten used to.
“Who’s Yoon Hye-an?”
That’s when he heard footsteps outside the door.
“The fact that he’s here means he made it to the third round. Is that even possible with his terrible acting?”
“He’s been getting a lot of attention lately after a near-death experience. Is that why they cast him?”
“If it were anyone else, maybe, but Director Kang? That doesn’t make sense. If he cast actors based on buzz, his own films would have been hits already.”
The voices of the two people chuckling mockingly sounded amused. Perhaps they had come to eat the snacks provided by the production company in the kitchenette, as the sounds of chewing mixed with their words.
“It’s true that our Park actor is a traditional acting talent, but then why is Director Shim going through all this trouble to cast his child in a film that won’t be a hit?”
“Even if it doesn’t hit, it wins awards overseas. Once it gets an award at Cannes or the Berlin Film Festival, his status will rise, and the child’s market value will skyrocket.”
They seemed to be company representatives for the two actors auditioning today.
One was an actor recognized for his acting skills despite his young age, and the other was a popular actor who had already reached top-star status. As managers of successful actors, they showed no signs of nervousness despite the important audition.
“Then why on earth did they cast Yoon Hye-an? He can’t act, he’s a terrible person, and his reputation for ruining the atmosphere on set is well-known in this industry.”
“Just look at how he immediately abandoned his team because he thought he could make it as an actor. Have you ever seen someone disloyal last long in this industry? Does he work alone? He needs someone to call him to get work. And now his fans are all gone.”
“Surely they’re not actually going to cast Yoon Hye-an, are they?”
A confident snort followed the worried voice.
“Would they cast Yoon Hye-an unless they really wanted to ruin the movie?”
Instead of shedding the label ‘X-guy,’ a new set of titles awaited Choi Hong-seo: ‘washed-up, bad-acting traitor’ who abandoned his team and didn’t succeed. He didn’t even feel wronged. It felt closer to deserved.
Choi Hong-seo let out a wry smile and left the restroom. As he passed by the open kitchen door, a voice laced with laughter deliberately called out to him.
“Oh? Hye-an, were you there?”
They seemed to have heard everything, but their expression indicated they didn’t care. In fact, their faces looked amused, as if they hoped he had heard it all. The other person with them was equally shameless.
“You’re next after the audition, right? Let’s cheer each other on.”
“Yes, I will. Unlike other actors, I’m truly desperate, so I really hope I get the part. Well then.”
He gave a slight nod and exited into the corridor.
“That guy’s still got the same attitude.”
The sarcastic remark from behind was hard to ignore. It was such garbage that it wasn’t even worth a snort. They should think about their own attitudes, spewing all sorts of nonsense and gossiping so gleefully.
Choi Hong-seo had vaguely known that Yoon Hye-an had a bad reputation in the industry. He just hadn’t bothered to look into it closely since they were strangers with no connection. But it seemed his reputation was worse than he had imagined.
Yoon Hye-an was one year younger than Choi Hong-seo and debuted one year earlier. Both had debuted after becoming adults, and he was the eldest in his group.
Yoon Hye-an, who debuted with the idol group ‘Titan,’ had to spend years in obscurity, much like ‘Layered,’ Choi Hong-seo’s former group. ‘Titan’ only began to gain public recognition when Yoon Hye-an started acting concurrently. That was clear.
The controversy over his acting skills had been consistent since then. However, because the works he participated in at the time didn’t require particularly deep acting skills, fans found his awkward and stiff acting endearing. The immense popularity of the works themselves also played a part.
How did Yoon Hye-an, who had no recognition and no acting experience, get cast in a sitcom by a famous writer and PD? Rumors were rampant online about that at the time. Regardless of the reason, it was clear that the sitcom was the catalyst for ‘Titan’ to begin shining, thanks to Yoon Hye-an’s popularity.
However, after that, Yoon Hye-an rapidly lost motivation for his idol activities. For a while, ‘Titan’ promoted as a five-member group, temporarily excluding Yoon Hye-an, and shortly after, Yoon Hye-an’s withdrawal press conference was held.
Choi Hong-seo honestly had no interest in what kind of life Yoon Hye-an had lived. He had no intention of meticulously studying his life and living as Yoon Hye-an.
He was merely facing the reality that he had to take responsibility for the life Yoon Hye-an had lived up to this point.
In the first place, he didn’t know how long the state of discrepancy between his inner and outer self could last.
Over the past month, during which he had desperately focused only on auditions, he thought every night as he closed his eyes.
Would I wake up as Choi Hong-seo tomorrow morning?
Would I completely revert to Yoon Hye-an, and the current Choi Hong-seo disappear, or would both Yoon Hye-an’s body and Choi Hong-seo’s soul be annihilated?
Just because something impossible happened once, there was no guarantee it wouldn’t happen a second time. The thought of potentially disappearing made every day a series of anxieties.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t afford not to come here.
Even though Choi Hong-seo had disappeared, Lee Hae-sung had not canceled his investment in this film. The halted film was stirring, as if to be reborn. Like a stopped heart starting to beat again, like breath being drawn in after being cut off. Like a dead person coming back to life.
When he thought about how he could disappear again at any moment, he had no time to hesitate or ponder. The ridicule or pointing fingers of others were merely insignificant twigs.
During the time he lived as Choi Hong-seo, those things felt like the entire world… even a single comment from a stranger felt like it was choking him…
“Hyung, why are you coming now? They said it’s almost our turn and to wait.”
He ran into Yong-jae, who was coming to call him out of impatience. Thanks to their taunts earlier, his nervousness had vanished, leaving only a fierce determination, which he was almost grateful for.
“Sorry. I was practicing in front of the mirror…”
“Honestly, your acting has improved to a scary degree. I don’t know much, but improving that much in just a month is impossible. You just didn’t realize it until now, but you’re definitely a genius. You’ll pass.”
“Thank you. I’ll make sure I get cast.”
Yong-jae grinned at Choi Hong-seo’s words.
“You really seem like a different person these days, Hyung! Ah, in a good way!”
Even though his appearance was Yoon Hye-an’s, everything else was Choi Hong-seo. His memories, habits, tastes, and the skills he had accumulated remained intact.
Having already been chosen by Kang Woo-hyun once for the role of Hwang Ji-woo, he felt an odd confidence from the start of the audition. Kang Woo-hyun had a consistent taste when it came to his projects, and no investor could break Kang Woo-hyun’s stubbornness.
Even if he changed his appearance and repeated the audition multiple times, he had a strong conviction that Director Kang Woo-hyun would, each time, unerringly choose ‘Choi Hong-seo’ for the role of Hwang Ji-woo.
“Yoon Hye-an, please come in.”
Following the staff member guiding the audition, he crossed the living room. The actor who had auditioned before was already back in his seat, talking with his manager. The actor waiting for Choi Hong-seo’s turn showed no signs of wariness towards ‘Yoon Hye-an.’
The staff member knocked on the study door first.
“Applicant Yoon Hye-an, please enter.”
The door opened, and he followed the staff member into the study. The study, with its plush, deep navy carpet, felt much cozier than the usual practice rooms or production company offices where auditions were often held.
“Yoon Hye-an, please start with your greeting and introduction.”
After a deep breath, he looked straight ahead with a polite demeanor. However, the simple greeting he had prepared froze in his mouth for a moment.
Four judges sat side-by-side at a long table. Each face was familiar. The production company president and the head producer, with whom he had exchanged greetings when his casting as Choi Hong-seo was confirmed, and Director Kang Woo-hyun. And, unexpectedly, between the production company president and Director Kang, sat Lee Hae-sung.
All bodily functions ceased simultaneously, and then, after a moment, all bodily functions began to malfunction. His breathing became erratic, his heart pounded, and the script in his hand crumpled haphazardly.
“Yoon Hye-an.”
“……”
“Yoon Hye-an?”
“Ah, yes.”
Like someone snapped out of a trance, he flinched violently and responded to the name, which he still didn’t recognize as his own. The directing staff looked at him with an even more flustered expression.
“Your greeting and introduction.”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
Choi Hong-seo bowed deeply, then bent his back even further, and with the confident, firm voice he had prepared, he introduced himself.
“Hello. I am Yoon Hye-an. I look forward to working with you.”
Following that, the directing staff introduced the judges in a mechanical tone.
“From the left, the Production Company President, the Investment Company President, the Director, and the Head Producer.”
Lee Hae-sung was part of the judging panel under the title of Investment Company President. Dressed in a shirt with his jacket off, he leaned back loosely in his chair, his long fingers fiddling with the documents on the desk. His gaze rarely turned towards them, remaining fixed on the papers.
That was, perhaps, a relief. While he wasn’t looking at him, he could stare at him to his heart’s content.
Director Kang, perhaps thinking Choi Hong-seo’s flustered demeanor was due to the change in the judging panel, spoke with a smile.
“The faces of the people sitting here have changed quite a bit from the first and second rounds, haven’t they? This is the final audition, so that’s why. You can think of them as the heads of each department for
Director Kang seemed to be making a joke, so Choi Hong-seo offered an awkward smile.
“Don’t be so nervous, Hye-an. Your acting was good through the third round. Speaking of which, I faced quite a bit of opposition when passing Yoon Hye-an through the third round.”
“Yes…”
“They all tried to dissuade me, saying Yoon Hye-an’s reputation is too bad and that he’d be difficult to work with.”
Even when he had been cast as Hwang Ji-woo as Choi Hong-seo and had met multiple times, Director Kang had been this direct. However, he was also someone who hid nothing. He was still the same.
“But, seeing you in person, your acting isn’t bad?”
“Thank you. I’ve worked hard.”
“Everyone tried to stop me, but because your acting skills are decent and your image fits the role so well, I couldn’t give up easily. He also has a similar image to our Hong-seo, who was originally supposed to play Hwang Ji-woo.”
“……”
Lee Hae-sung, who had been looking down at the desk with a consistent blank expression, suddenly raised his head. His displeased gaze swept over the audition applicant once, then returned to looking down at the desk at an angle.
“Is that so?”
His quiet remark, as if stepping back, created a brief, awkward silence in the room. His tone, which seemed to subtly express displeasure, even created a sense of tension.
“To me, they look completely different. I’m curious about what aspects you found so similar, Director.”
His tone was not dismissive or aggressive towards Director Kang’s words. It was closer to expressing displeasure towards ‘Yoon Hye-an,’ the subject of the comparison.
“From the perspective of the residents of ‘Cream Mansion,’ Hwang Ji-woo is a mysterious character. His age, family history, and occupation are all unknown. So, I wanted the actor playing the role to have that kind of image. Someone who could seem like a boy, and also like a young man… someone who seems worldly and shrewd, yet at times, innocent. I felt that kind of feeling from Yoon Hye-an now. Not a boy or a young man, not good or evil, but on some precarious borderline?”
Director Kang spoke at length with enthusiasm, but Lee Hae-sung’s eyes and expression remained unchanged. He clearly did not agree. His eyes, devoid of any spark, seemed bored as he sighed and moved his lips.
“Let’s see the acting first.”
His voice was flat and monotonous, yet it occupied his hearing like a scream or a shout.
As he looked at him and listened to his voice, Choi Hong-seo felt goosebumps and shivers run through his body multiple times.
It felt like the day he first met him.
A sense of déjà vu, as if he had been pulled into a scene from the past and was re-experiencing it.
Back then, he had also spoken in a voice that conveyed boredom and disdain.
【“Let’s stop the music.”】
Despite the low, effortless volume, everyone listened intently to his words. His words acted as commands to the others present. Even when he wasn’t speaking in a commanding tone.
He could never forget that day, as it was the first and last time he had looked at him with that calm, searching gaze.
If he could go back to that day and start over… how wonderful that would be.
“First, we’ll watch the free acting. The assigned scene will be next.”
At the director’s voice, Choi Hong-seo regained his composure. He stood with his back to the judges for a moment, closed his eyes, and took a light breath.
He still remembered the personal mobile number that he had personally given him, but he could no longer call it. He couldn’t create a private chat room for just the two of them. He knew where his house was, and in the past, he could have visited when he wasn’t there and waited for him in his bedroom or living room. But now, he was no longer his VVIP.
That’s why he had to win this role. It was the only way to see him, even a little closer.
One, two, three, four, five. He counted, folding his fingers one by one.
“Start when you’re ready. Don’t rush.”
He nodded with his eyes closed at Director Kang’s voice. Ready, he opened his eyes, turned around, and slowly approached the staff member who would be his scene partner as he began his lines.
“Listen, Nikolai.”
It was a scene from Anton Chekhov’s play,
“You think all this is a wise and correct judgment, don’t you? According to those psychological rules. But to me, it’s just a scandal and misfortune!”
A scandal and misfortune. Even though it wasn’t a scene he had intentionally prepared, it felt like his story and his.
Without looking at him, Choi Hong-seo could feel his gaze piercing his skin. The acting he had performed in front of him on the day they first met was also from an Anton Chekhov play.
“Nikolai, everything in the world is simple. The ceiling is white, the boots are black, and sugar is sweet, right? You love Sasha, and Sasha doesn’t love you. If you love, you stay; if you don’t love, you leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s just that simple.”
Even when performing on stage, I felt a peculiar tension when I realized he would be watching. It was even more so when he was present at the venue.
It was an anxiety that couldn’t be quelled no matter how many times I folded my fingers, no, rather, it was a thrilling excitement.
If what I felt when I looked at him was excitement, what I felt when he looked at me was a stinging, hot stimulus. That sense of elation was vividly reviving within Yoon Hye-an’s veins, not Choi Hong-seo’s.
“What else do you need? Money? That’s nothing! Principles, Schopenhauer… it’s all useless…”
Choi Hong-seo swallowed dryly and lowered his voice.
“Nikolai, I have 10,000 rubles hidden in a bank.”
Glancing around to make sure no one was listening, he moved closer to his scene partner. Secretly, with a hint of pity.
And he caressed the other actor’s cheek. As if brushing the cheek of a lover so precious he couldn’t dare to touch it with force.
“No one in my family knows about this money… Take this… and leave with the two of you.”
The Lebedev that Choi Hong-seo was playing was a friend of his scene partner, Nikolai Ivanov. Therefore, the current performance, as if sending away someone he loved with someone else, could be an interpretation with a different nuance from the original work. However, it was a performance that left ample room for interpretation, either way.
The performance continued for about another minute. After finishing, Choi Hong-seo bowed his head to his scene partner and the judges. Director Kang was the first to speak.
“It’s interesting. Did you interpret the scene yourself?”
“Yes.”
Executive Producer: The role responsible for the overall progress of the film. Different in nature from a drama PD.