By Zephyria “Don’t say things like that.”
“……”
“You have to be careful because I might take it seriously.”
As if sincerity could be a joke, and a joke could be sincere. He knew his style, always serious, to some extent now. By then, Choi Hong-seo could distinguish to some degree which words were sincere and which were playful.
After passing Hannam Bridge, the sedan was waiting again to make a right turn towards the UN Village, where their accommodation was. But this time, he wasn’t looking at Choi Hong-seo; he was stubbornly staring straight ahead.
Choi Hong-seo, gazing at his profile reflected in the city’s night lights, squeezed the hand they held. He rested his lips on the end of his shoulder, then suddenly lifted his face and kissed his jaw. Lee Hae-sung, who had stiffened momentarily, finally turned to look this way.
But this time, Choi Hong-seo averted his gaze. As if fleeing, as if hiding, he buried his face back into his shoulder. Beneath the thin, fall knit tracing the lines of his body, he could feel the contours of his toned physique and the warmth of his skin.
The car soon started moving.
As they got closer to the accommodation, Choi Hong-seo felt like he was suffocating. It had been fine when he wasn’t meeting him. He had no thoughts, and his emotions could be suppressed. It was enough to just go through his schedule like a machine, return home exhausted, and collapse into sleep.
But things changed when someone he wanted to be with appeared. The feeling of not wanting to go back clearly surfaced. Like a child who, as soon as they found someone to complain to, burst into tears and cried miserably, having held back for so long.
He never knew he could like someone this much. He never knew he could be so moved by another person’s warmth.
He had thought that liking someone, dating, and reporting on one’s daily activities… that kind of romance was only permitted for ordinary people with emotional leeway.
Like the Little Match Girl in the fairy tale gazing at the delicious food and happy families inside the warm house through the window. He believed he could never experience such happiness given his circumstances. For now, he could only think about succeeding, earning money, and escaping CEO Myeong’s grasp.
But liking someone had nothing to do with conditions or circumstances.
He couldn’t help but like Lee Hae-sung. Even while being suspicious and guarded, he was ultimately drawn to him, naturally and without resistance.
Because he was there, he became more afraid of many things, yet at the same time, because he was there, he could bask in golden sunlight even while dwelling in hell.
Thick tears, shed without his knowledge, soaked into his knit. It was too late to hide them, so Choi Hong-seo didn’t pretend he wasn’t crying. He simply kept his face buried in his shoulder.
He didn’t force him to lift his head. He reached out his left hand, cupped and stroked his cheek and ear, and then kissed the top of his hair.
“Shall we stay together for a little while before going in?”
Choi Hong-seo nodded slightly at the low, reassuring voice.
He parked the car in the mansion’s underground parking lot and turned off all the lights. Complete silence descended, as if they were the only two people in the world. He had shed a single tear, but he didn’t cry any further. Yet, his emotions were still turbulent.
As if sensing this, he simply stroked Choi Hong-seo’s head, cheek, and shoulder until he calmed down. CEO Myeong, his former colleagues, and even his current members had all complained that Choi Hong-seo was a stoic guy who showed little emotion. Yet, Lee Hae-sung sensed Choi Hong-seo’s feelings and accepted them naturally.
He was a truly strange… special man.
He rubbed his temple against his shoulder, poked the firm deltoid muscle at the end of his shoulder with his front teeth, and lightly bit it, then traced the surface of his clasped thumb. As they spent time like this, miraculously, his resentment subsided, and his emotions cleared.
Lee Hae-sung, who had waited patiently until then, gently cupped Choi Hong-seo’s cheeks and met his eyes.
“Tell me. Why were you crying?”
“……”
With his cheeks held in a large hand, he rolled his eyes slightly, avoiding his gaze. He then smiled faintly and kissed him.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. You can tell me later when you have more time.”
But if he didn’t tell him, he would worry. He would still feel heavy-hearted even after returning home. Their time together had accumulated enough for him to know that much.
Choi Hong-seo placed his hand over his, which was cupping his cheeks.
“Um… I get very stressed before releasing new songs or dramas. I become extremely sensitive…”
“Mm.”
“Our team worked hard for a long time and is finally gaining some popularity. So… I think it’s worse this time. I’m very ambitious…”
“Hmm.”
“Even though I get stressed, I’ve never cried over something like this before. With you… I feel like I’m just being childish.”
“……”
Had he been found out in his lie?
Afraid of his silence, Choi Hong-seo couldn’t look at him directly. But it wasn’t entirely a lie… being childish only in front of him, shedding tears only in front of him, that was all true.
Gently stroking Choi Hong-seo’s cheek with his thumb, he spoke after a moment of silence.
“I was going to tell you when the new song came out, to celebrate together. But I should tell you today.”
“……”
“About the movie investment. It wasn’t about recouping the investment; it was just… a personal hobby to support talented young directors. So, I’ve been running it small-scale as a sole proprietor, almost temporarily. Naturally, it was always at a deficit.”
He had heard that much directly from him last time. He didn’t know why he was suddenly bringing it up now. Choi Hong-seo slowly blinked and focused on his story.
“While I don’t necessarily intend to make a profit from movies, I’ve decided to pursue sponsorship and investment more seriously, so I’ve established a film business corporation this time.”
He smiled faintly and looked for his phone. After tapping the screen a few times, he showed Choi Hong-seo a photo.
The document in the photo was a business registration certificate. Was he asking him to celebrate a new venture together? Choi Hong-seo slowly scanned the document from top to bottom, looking for his name.
Business Registration Certificate
(Corporate Business)
Registration Number XXX-XX-XXXXX
Corporate Name (Organization Name): Hieutsiut
“……”
At that point, Choi Hong-seo’s gaze was fixed, unable to move further down. Lee Hae-sung, noticing Choi Hong-seo’s hand stop as he zoomed in and scrolled down the photo, chuckled and stroked his head.
“The representative is listed under someone else’s name, but it’s my company.”
Then, he deeply bowed his head towards Choi Hong-seo, who was looking down at his phone, and whispered in his ear.
“This Hieutsiut isn’t just Lee Hae-sung’s Hieutsiut. You know that, right?”
“……”
He couldn’t say anything. He just looked and looked again at the four letters, ‘Hieutsiut,’ the name that was perhaps the only commonality between him and himself.
The words ‘Why…’ lingered in his mouth.
But he couldn’t ask why he thought of him so much. He couldn’t devalue such precious feelings.
Why… why did those terrible things happen to me? Why did they have to happen, things that could only hurt him, make him sick, and cause him pain?
The arrow of ‘why’ could only point to the past, not to him.
“Am I rushing things? Are we not at this stage yet?”
At his playfully asked question, Choi Hong-seo shook his head vigorously. He spoke slowly, tensing his throat to keep his voice from trembling.
“It’s a very… cool name.”
“Do you like it?”
He nodded, and Lee Hae-sung smiled softly, pulling Choi Hong-seo closer by cupping the back of his neck. Choi Hong-seo’s nose brushed against his shoulder.
“So what if you’re a crybaby? I like you.”
“……”
“Our Hong-seo has too much responsibility elsewhere, so it’s okay to be a baby to just one person. If you get stressed and sensitive, cry in front of me, be childish.”
“……”
“Yeah?” Unlike his usual one or two nods, he nodded enthusiastically.
After that, they shared a kiss as a natural progression. They gently rubbed their soft lips together, pressed them firmly, tasting each other’s presence, and as their lips began to part slightly, he inserted his tongue. Gripping the front of his knit tightly, he was completely immersed in the ecstatic and sweet world he showed him.
He ended the kiss after bestowing several small kisses, like punctuation marks, saying, ‘Don’t cry anymore,’ and ‘Your gloomy mood ends here.’
The one to two minutes after the kiss were still agonizingly awkward for Choi Hong-seo. He brushed the wrinkles from his knit, which he had gripped too tightly, and awkwardly changed the subject.
“Can you send me that photo from earlier?”
“Yes, I will.”
He replied with a smile and handed him a shopping bag containing snacks from the back seat.
“Text me when you get up. Hong-seo got off work early today, so let’s talk, even if it’s just for a little while.”
He nodded and got out of the car. He didn’t get out to see him off, but he watched until Choi Hong-seo disappeared into the elevator hall.
He felt the anxious and suffocating feeling had vanished as if it were a lie. Even though the fundamental problem remained, being with him made him forget everything. Wouldn’t things work out somehow? Wouldn’t these peaceful and happy times not be so easily shattered? He could be consumed by such hope.
The sprinter carrying the members hadn’t arrived yet. Perhaps, commendably, they were still practicing a bit longer. Thinking this, he looked inside the shopping bag he had given him in the elevator. Three paper boxes were labeled Macaron, Éclair, and Madeleine, respectively.
Looking down at the shopping bag and smiling contentedly, he stepped out of the elevator. Out of habit, he turned right towards the entrance. It was a mansion with only one unit per floor, and the sprinter carrying the members had not yet arrived. But he sensed a presence in the armchair in the elevator hall.
Reflexively turning towards it, Choi Hong-seo flinched violently, as if he had seen a ghost and was about to have a seizure.
“What were you talking about in the car for so long? I was bored to death waiting.”
A ghost would have been better. Lee Seo-kyung was sitting with his legs crossed in a high-backed armchair.
“Did you have car sex?”