By Zephyria 
44
“Commander. The young master won’t open his eyes. I came to give him his Herbal medicine, but no matter how much I wake him, he won’t get up……”
Ho-eun slept soundly for the first time in a while without any dreams. His body felt as light as a feather. But strangely, his eyes were heavy. He twitched his thin eyelids, trying to open them somehow, but it wasn’t easy.
“I told Gil-sang, and he told me to report to you right away……”
It was a youthful voice that he had heard from his sleep. It sounded like he was calling him desperately, but he didn’t know if it was real or just a dream.
“Why won’t he open his eyes? Is he sick again?”
And then he heard a low voice. Ho-eun immediately recognized who the owner of that voice was. A firm, low voice. It was definitely Tae-muk.
Why is Tae-muk here? But where is here? Anyway, now that he’s here, he should greet him, but his body wouldn’t move. His body definitely felt light, but when he tried to move, it felt like a ton. He couldn’t even lift a finger.
“No. He doesn’t have a fever. He’s not sick either.”
“Then why?”
“Well……, this is just my thought, Commander……”
“Tell me.”
“I think it’s because he hasn’t been eating.”
“What do you mean? He hasn’t been eating?”
“Yes. He doesn’t eat the soup, and he doesn’t eat the rice. Whenever I go to collect the dishes, the rice is always left over……. I just thought the food didn’t suit his taste……”
“Since when hasn’t he been eating?”
“I, I think it’s been more than two days……”
“Two days?”
“Yes……. But, but he drank the Herbal medicine well. I heard from the other guys that it’s really precious, so I thought he wouldn’t need to eat rice if he drank that……. I’m sorry, Commander. I’m sorry……”
The two of them were having a conversation, but he couldn’t fully understand it. The voices were muffled and blurred, and the sentences came in broken pieces. It felt like someone had put several layers of tough cloth over his eardrums.
Then, Ho-eun barely opened his eyes. His vision was blurry and hazy, as if there was fog in front of him.
“Oh, the young master, he opened his eyes!”
The youthful voice shouted. Ho-eun narrowed his eyes and focused on his vision. Then, the figures finally became clear.
“……Chilbok?”
Chilbok, kneeling on the Straw mat, had a tearful face. Herbal medicine was placed in front of his knees, and behind him, Tae-muk was standing with his back to the tent entrance.
Ho-eun carefully examined them, and then realized that the light seeping in under the tent was very bright. At that moment, he snapped to his senses.
“D-did I oversleep? I’m sorry.”
He had never overslept even at home, where he had nothing to do but suffer, so why was it always……. He should be getting up early to help pack, but instead…….
Ho-eun jumped up as if he was bouncing. But at that moment, his vision spun. The feeling of heaven and earth turning upside down was not good at all. He covered his eyes with his hand and staggered as if he was about to fall.
Suddenly.
His wrist was grabbed.
Tae-muk, who had approached unnoticed, was squatting down on one knee. His face was cold. Ho-eun, flustered, tried to pull his hand away without realizing it, but Tae-muk didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled him closer.
“You.”
“……Yes?”
“What was the last thing you ate?”
“W-what I ate, you mean?”
“Yes. What you ate.”
It was an unexpected question. He thought he would be scolded for being so lazy, for not knowing how late he had made them. But suddenly, what……. Ho-eun blinked his eyes and came up with an answer without difficulty.
“Chocolate. Yesterday, at the river……”
The kiss he had shared with him in the cold river came to mind, and he bit down on his lower lip and released it. But Tae-muk’s stern face didn’t crack even a little.
“Besides that.”
Ho-eun’s spine stiffened with tension at his seemingly angry tone.
“I ate dinner yesterday…… I guess?”
Ho-eun answered awkwardly. He felt like he had eaten something, but he couldn’t remember well. Ho-eun thought that he just couldn’t remember. Because he was too out of it yesterday. But Tae-muk persistently pressed him.
“What for dinner yesterday.”
“Just…… rice……”
Ho-eun trailed off and glanced at Chilbok. He didn’t know why he looked. As if he was hoping that the young child would help him. But Chilbok was muttering in a small voice.
“It was noodles……”
In an instant, the inside of the tent became heavy.
“……”
Ho-eun mumbled his lower lip. It was noodles? Was it? He didn’t remember. His mind was frayed from the stench of rotting corpses and Tae-muk’s worry. As he stood there blankly, Tae-muk shook his wrist and persistently met his gaze.
“Before that.”
“Uh…… Chilbok made Herbal medicine for me, so I drank that.”
“Yes, I gave it to him yesterday at lunch.”
This time, Chilbok nodded as if he was right. Ho-eun let out a sigh of relief, but Tae-muk’s interrogation continued.
“Again.”
“Again? Uh……, again……”
Ho-eun slowly moved his head from right to left, pondering. What did I eat? I did eat something. ……Or did I?
“I was thirsty, so I drank water……”
But Tae-muk pulled his wrist again. Ho-eun’s upper body was swept toward him. Ho-eun was clearly reflected in Tae-muk’s dark eyes.
“Tell me what you ate. You know what rice is, right?”
“……”
Rice. At that moment, bibimbap popped into his mind. Yes, he had received bibimbap. Chilbok had hidden the egg garnish. But he didn’t eat a single spoonful and gave it to Dong-ja. And before that……. Ho-eun, tracing back his memories, suddenly bit down on his lower lip and released it.
He lowered his head and said in a suppressed voice.
“Rice…… ball……”
The rice ball that Tae-muk had forced him to eat. The rice ball that he had ended up throwing up completely. The texture of the soft rice grains flowing back up his throat was still vivid. His stomach ached again. He felt like he was going to vomit, so he pulled his hand away from Tae-muk’s grasp and covered his mouth.
“……”
Tae-muk didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he had finally gotten the answer he wanted, or if he was flustered by the unexpected answer. After staring at Ho-eun for a moment, Tae-muk fixed his gaze on him and said to Chilbok.
“Chilbok, go out and make rice porridge.”
“Ah, yes!”
Chilbok quickly got up. Ho-eun’s eyes widened. Make rice porridge? Now? Judging by the light coming in through the tent, it seemed to be midday. If he started making rice porridge now, they wouldn’t be able to leave until much later.
Everyone was suffering because of him. That wouldn’t do.
“No. I’m okay. I can’t let everyone be delayed because of me-.”
“Stay still.”
Tae-muk suppressed him with his unique low voice. Then, he looked at Chilbok and ordered.
“Make plenty of rice porridge. Enough so that you can give a spoonful to anyone who wants to eat it. And tell everyone except the guards to rest. We’re leaving at noon.”
“Yes! I understand, Commander!”
Chilbok dashed out of the tent like a squirrel. The light poured in brightly for a moment at the tent entrance he had lifted. Ho-eun frowned. Then he opened his eyes again.
“……”
Tae-muk was staring at him. It was an inscrutable gaze. Ho-eun couldn’t tell what he was thinking, or what his intentions were in looking at him. But somehow, he felt like he had to make excuses.
“I-it’s not that it didn’t suit my taste, that’s why I didn’t eat it.”
“Then?”
“That’s……”
Ho-eun took a shallow breath and exhaled it slowly. Actually, he didn’t really know either. He didn’t usually eat a lot, but he had never gone without eating for so long.
If he had to guess, it was because he was nervous, the environment was unfamiliar, the people were unfamiliar, and he had to be harassed by Tae-muk at the night sea, the Devouring Ghouls rushing at him, the overflowing blood, the dead man, the stench of corpses……. He thought that those things were mixed together and made him lose his appetite.
When he thought about it, it was strange that the soldiers could eat their meals without any problems in this battlefield and among the corpses.
But Ho-eun didn’t express that. Everyone else was enduring it, and he couldn’t bear to be the only one who couldn’t. At the same time, he felt desperate. If he revealed such weakness, he would only be laughed at.
“……I don’t really know either.”
Ho-eun’s eyes turned reddish as he told a lie. He wouldn’t be able to say anything even if Tae-muk got angry. He was so sick that he couldn’t even eat what was given to him, causing trouble. Why was he really like this…….
Ho-eun’s head drooped lower and lower. Then, the Braided Hair that had been resting on his shoulder fell limply. The silk Hair Tie, which had always been glossy, lost its luster along with it.
“I’m really…… sorry. I’m sorry. But I’m okay now. So we can leave right away-.”
Ho-eun was rambling with his gaze fixed on the ground. Suddenly, something fell heavily next to him. It was Tae-muk’s military coat, which was so big that it could be used as a blanket. He looked at it with puzzled eyes.
Tae-muk, wearing only his Yui, flopped down on the Straw mat.
“……General?”
Ho-eun called him with a bewildered face. Then, Tae-muk raised his arm over his eyes and said.
“I’m tired, so don’t talk to me. I need to get some sleep.”
“……”
Sleep? Suddenly? In the middle of the day? Instead of leaving? Ho-eun, with his mouth agape, stared blankly at Tae-muk. But Tae-muk didn’t say anything.