By Zephyria 
“If the Bondmate hides, his other half, another God of War, will die just like our big brother! Coughing up blood!”
“Can’t you shut that mouth of yours!”
“If the God of War who protects the country dies, more people will be eaten by Devouring Ghouls! How many people are you going to kill to save one useless life like mine!”
Ho-eun shouted, his neck veins bulging. His mother’s mouth fell open at the sight of her son, whom she had never seen like this before. His father staggered as if he had been struck by Ho-eun’s words.
After that, Ho-eun’s scream-like, perhaps cry-like, shouts continued to echo through the yard.
“My pretty boy, my precious boy……”
His mother carefully held Ho-eun’s hand, covered in ointment, and blew on it. Ho-eun couldn’t bear to look at his mother and kept his head down.
“I’m sorry. For hurting the body you gave me.”
“It’s alright. You must have had a good reason……”
His mother sighed through her nose. After that, silence followed.
His mother looked at his palm, already smeared with ointment, and kept lifting and putting down the ointment, wondering if there was anywhere else to apply it. She put her hand on Ho-eun’s forehead to check his temperature, or worried endlessly, mentioning the dinner he had barely eaten a few spoonfuls of.
It was excessive, but it was a common worry in Ho-eun’s house. Ho-eun was a late child, born with difficulty, and had been weak since birth.
Of course, the biggest reason was that his parents had already experienced ‘the death of a child’ and knew how heavy and terrifying it was.
“Ho-eun.”
“Yes, Mother.”
“Do you really…… want to become a Bondmate?”
“I’m already a Bondmate, Mother.”
“……”
His mother slowly put down the ointment she was holding. Then, she pulled the cushion closer and sat closer to Ho-eun, making eye contact.
“But Eun-ah, Bondmates are……”
“It’s not the same as a courtesan.”
“……”
His mother’s eyebrows lifted slightly at the low-class word that didn’t suit a noble family. Ho-eun avoided her gaze again.
In fact, Ho-eun wasn’t entirely happy about becoming a Bondmate. No, he was happy but a little disappointed. He wished he could have become a God of War if possible. If he could have gone to the battlefield and made achievements like his older brother, if he could have saved hundreds, thousands of people.
But being a Bondmate was also a great opportunity. He was destined to die sick in this house, so what couldn’t he do?
“It’s about protecting the country and saving people. I think that act is noble, no matter what it is.”
“Still, this mother can’t help but worry. Not only because of the Myriad Calamities, but also because I don’t know what kind of person the God of War you’ll meet is……”
His mother’s worries didn’t seem to fade. But suddenly, Ho-eun’s face brightened as if a fire had been lit. It was because of the word God of War.
“He must be a good person. He’s fighting for the country, so he must be.”
“……”
“Maybe it’s a strong and wonderful lady. Like Mother. Then, maybe I could, could have a wedding with that lady?”
“What? A wedding?”
“Yes. I might be able to give you cute grandchildren like my brothers.”
“Grandchildren?”
At Ho-eun’s innocent and immature words, a smile finally bloomed on his mother’s face. Hohoho, Ho-eun’s lips also lifted slightly at the pleasant laughter. His rosy pink lips were full of anticipation. When his mother stroked Ho-eun’s cheek, Ho-eun leaned his cheek against her warm palm and said.
“Anyway, I’ll have a ‘person’ for the first time. Whether it’s in the form of a friend or a couple, it will definitely be someone precious.”
“……Yes, maybe that’s right.”
His mother nodded briefly and shifted her gaze to the blank white wall. Then, she stared at it for a long time as if thinking about something.
At that moment. Cough, cough. Ho-eun coughed. His throat was scratchy from yelling at his father. Worry immediately filled his mother’s face.
“Let’s lie down now. Whether it’s a fever or a manifestation pain, it’s all the same, you need to rest.”
She led Ho-eun to the bed in the depths of the room. Ho-eun got into bed without a word.
His mother moved diligently, spreading the blanket and checking the temperature of the floor. Ho-eun, who was lying like a corpse and looking at her, called her softly.
“Mother.”
“Why? Does something hurt? Should I get you some medicine?”
“Please persuade Father.”
“……Eun-ah.”
“I want to be useful too. It’s a much greater thing than just lying here at home, sick. I want to do something that both Mother and Father can be proud of.”
“Not everyone needs to do such things. Everyone has their own circumstances.”
His mother stroked Ho-eun’s forehead gently, as if comforting him. But Ho-eun didn’t hear her words.
“I’m scared.”
“Of what? The Myriad Calamities?”
“No. Of my future, where I’ll be sick in this room all the time and die without anyone knowing.”
“Eun-ah.”
“I’m scared that I’ll disappear without leaving any trace in the world.”
“……”
“My brothers go to the palace and do business, raising the family name. But I’m always here, here like this.”
Ho-eun slowly scanned his room. The room was large. It was clean, comfortable, and one wall was full of books, and there were rare porcelains and paintings that ordinary people would never see in their lives.
It was the room where Ho-eun had stayed every day for 20 years. Ah, he often slept in the hospital, so maybe subtract a few days.
Anyway, it was a room where he knew exactly how many steps wide and long it was. But sometimes, he felt suffocated. No one had locked him up, but sometimes he felt trapped.
Ho-eun often dreamed of dying sick in this room. It was a dream, he didn’t know if it was a nightmare or a premonition.
His mother’s eyes reddened at Ho-eun’s pale face.
“I’m sorry. Your mother must have committed many sins in her past life, that’s why you’re like this……”
His mother was an excessive mother. But she wasn’t excessive to all her children. She didn’t care much whether her other sons ate or got hurt. She thought a man could skip a meal or get hurt, but she couldn’t do that to Ho-eun.
That was because Ho-eun was the youngest child, ten years younger than the third child. A late child who was born prematurely without fully carrying him for ten months.
Perhaps that was why. Unlike his other children, who resembled his sturdy father and had physiques suitable for generals, Ho-eun was weak from birth.
His bones were thin, his breathing was soft, his appetite was small, and he often vomited if he ate a little too much. So much so that even when he cried, he only moved his lips like a dying animal.
His mother felt that all of that was her fault. Sending her eldest son away like that was also her fault.
Ho-eun jumped up as if he had been thrown and hugged her as his mother’s eyes filled with tears. He thought he had committed another act of filial impiety.
“Don’t say that. I’m very happy to be born as Mother’s son.”
“Eun-ah……”
Ho-eun patted his mother’s back. He couldn’t count how many times his inadequacy had brought tears to his mother’s eyes. Ho-eun sighed silently, and the sound of a barking dog was heard in the distance. Ho-eun listened to the sound quietly and said softly.
“It’s just a desire to live a better life than Nurung-i.”
“Nurung-i?”
“Yes. I was sometimes jealous of Nurung-i.”
“……Why?”
His mother pushed Ho-eun back and frowned. He had been raised without any shortcomings, even though he was weak, so she couldn’t help but wonder why he was suddenly jealous of a dog.
“Nurung-i roams around outside as much as he wants. Doesn’t he run hard, bark hard, and eat hard every day? I’m very jealous of that.”
Ho-eun continued, staring at the paper door that was tightly closed so that not a single breeze could enter.
“If I become a Bondmate, I think I’ll be able to see more than Nurung-i, a wider world, and I’m excited.”
“……”
“Is it greed? If someone like me goes to the battlefield, will I just be a burden?”
“……”
“Still……”
I want to be greedy. What should I do, Mother.
Ho-eun carefully opened the paper door. The wooden frame moved and made a creaking sound, and each time it did, Ho-eun’s shoulders rose higher and higher, until his shoulders almost touched his earlobes. He was planning something he wasn’t allowed to do, so his heart fluttered at even the smallest noise.
Finally, Ho-eun came out of the room and shivered, saying, “Eugh……” The blue dawn air was cold regardless of the season. Goosebumps rose on his neck from the chilling sensation.
But Ho-eun didn’t go back to his room. Instead, he sat on the porch and began to put on his shoes. His palm, which had been scraped on the floor during yesterday’s rampage, hurt a little, but it was okay. Enduring pain was one of the things he was good at.
Ho-eun pulled up the socks that had been rolled into the heel of his shoe and recalled what the doctor had told him at the hospital yesterday.
‘Fortunately, there’s an Inyeonje tomorrow. Gods of War from all over the country will gather, so you’ll be able to find your match, young master.’
The Gods of War were coming to Hanyang to find their matches. Maybe Ho-eun’s match would be among them.
Match.
Someone who will be his person.
Someone who will be precious to him.
Someone who will cherish him at the same time.
Just as Ho-eun, with his cheekbones raised, was about to put his foot into the other shoe, a shadow fell over the stepping stone.
“Where are you going this early in the morning?”
It was his father.