By Zephyria 
145
“……”
Tae-muk’s eyes flashed as he looked at Ho-eun. It was that look again. The look of a predator before its prey. A look consumed by all kinds of lust, desire, and carnal cravings.
Ho-eun wasn’t afraid of that look; rather, he welcomed it. At this point, Tae-muk wouldn’t be able to reject him. He would throw away the reason he had been clinging to and take him. Just as he was about to raise the corners of his lips in anticipation of a victory that wasn’t quite a victory, Tae-muk smoothed Ho-eun’s clothes with a trembling hand, and said, as if pressing down on each syllable,
“Ho-eun-ah. No.”
“……”
At those words, Ho-eun’s eyes went blank for a moment.
In this situation, he was calling his name so affectionately?
After cherishing and treasuring him so much, at this moment?
He wasn’t happy at all. He felt rather unpleasant. He even felt wronged.
Tears welled up in Ho-eun’s large eyes. Seeing this, Tae-muk’s Adam’s apple became distinct, as if it would pierce through his skin. He slowly closed his eyes tightly, then opened them, released the clothes he had been clutching, and stood up.
“I have to go.”
As he blocked the lamplight, the entire tent was dyed black. Ho-eun’s white face also turned dark. Tae-muk didn’t look back at Ho-eun. He stubbornly looked only ahead, as if it were forbidden. It was just as he reached the entrance of the tent.
“Don’t… go…”
A moist, wet voice flowed out thinly.
“……”
Tae-muk’s body stopped abruptly. Ho-eun pleaded to Tae-muk’s back.
“I won’t ask for anything. So… don’t go. Stay by my side, stay by my side…”
“……”
Tae-muk didn’t answer. He didn’t move. But his fist, his tightly clenched fist, was convulsing roughly. Blood seeped between his fingers. His nails had dug into his palm because he was holding on too tightly. But he didn’t feel any pain.
All his senses, all five senses, were focused on Ho-eun.
The sound of Ho-eun’s breathing, the sound of him blinking, the sound of tears falling, the sound of his lips sticking together and separating each time he spoke or breathed, the sound of his tongue moving in his mouth, the sound of saliva pooling and being swallowed—all of that filled Tae-muk’s ears completely.
He felt like he was drowning in the overflowing Ho-eun. No, he wanted to drown. He wanted to cram his whole body into that small body.
But even if he did that, it wouldn’t be enough. Out of his mind, he would covet him, and in the end, he would gnash his teeth in search of his flesh and blood. Even that wouldn’t be enough, and he would chew on those thin, fragile bones.
He had to go.
He couldn’t hesitate any longer.
If he hesitated any longer, he might kill Ho-eun.
Tae-muk, who had firmly closed his mouth, lifted the tent flap again.
“Ah…”
Ho-eun let out a feeble groan and slumped in a direction that was neither forward nor sideways. It was because of dizziness. It was a natural result, considering he had been struggling with Tae-muk with a body that was already panting and struggling just to lie down and sleep.
He felt hot inside, but his body was trembling with chills. Even in the midst of all that, he was so sad and resentful that Tae-muk was leaving that tears constantly filled his vision.
“Choi Ho-eun!”
Tae-muk rushed to Ho-eun in an instant. He knelt down and cupped Ho-eun’s fallen cheek. The fever was worse than before. It was a much lower temperature compared to the heat Tae-muk emitted, but he knew it was a heat that his small, thin body couldn’t handle.
“I’ll call the physician.”
With those words, Tae-muk pulled the scattered blankets and covered Ho-eun. Then, as he tried to get up, a small hand clung to his sleeve.
“I’m cold.”
“……”
“Please hold me…”
“……”
It was an easy hand to shake off. No, there was no need to shake it off. It was such a weak hand that it would fall off even if Tae-muk simply lifted his bent upper body as it was. But Tae-muk remained caught.
“Just, just hold me. Just until I fall asleep. Just until then…”
Ho-eun, intoxicated with fever and tears, pleaded in a small voice. Then he coughed again, cough, cough—even that cough was extremely weak.
“……”
So, because of that weak cough, Tae-muk couldn’t let go of Ho-eun’s hand. Or maybe he didn’t let go. Maybe the demon living deep in his heart was whispering cowardly words like, Choi Ho-eun wants it, I’ve refused enough, so it’s okay to hold him, he says he’s in pain, it’s okay if I just hold him, it’s okay to do that much.
“……”
Tae-muk moved his Adam’s apple greatly and slowly lay down next to Ho-eun. At that, Ho-eun, who had been half-closing his eyes, opened his eyes wide. Then he hurriedly crawled into Tae-muk’s arms. He hugged Tae-muk’s waist as if to grab it with his extremely weak hands.
Having gotten Tae-muk as he had wanted, Ho-eun smiled faintly. Even though he was completely intoxicated with fever, with his eyes all wet with tears, he smiled so well.
“Thank you, General. Thank you…”
He pressed his forehead against Tae-muk’s arm and offered his thanks. It was a funny thing. Who was thanking whom? Tae-muk couldn’t laugh or cry at him, who wasn’t afraid even while curled up in the jaws of a hungry beast.
Ho-eun kept burrowing into Tae-muk’s arms. Tae-muk pretended to be unable to resist and hugged him back. Tae-muk’s chin touched the crown of Ho-eun’s head, and Ho-eun’s face went into Tae-muk’s neck. Arms and legs were intertwined, and soon the two were pressed together without any gaps.
“Haa…”
Tae-muk closed his eyes tightly and tried to feel Ho-eun as much as possible. His presence, skin, body temperature, breath—he savored and enjoyed them one by one, making them his own. Then he felt his body, which had been as heavy as if it were crushed under a rock, no, a mountain, gradually lightening. His internal organs, which had been torn to shreds, slowly stuck together.
Of course, it wasn’t enough. This couldn’t satisfy his hunger for Ho-eun, and the pain that gnawed at his whole body didn’t fade. An act like ‘hugging’ was no different from dropping water one drop at a time on a barren land cracked by drought. It was insufficient, and insufficient again.
But Tae-muk remembered when even this didn’t exist. So he knew better than anyone how precious this was. And that was why he couldn’t lose him.
He shouldn’t be greedy here. Just wait a little longer. Later. Just one more day, no more, no less. When he became closer to a human than a beast. When he was sure that he wouldn’t harm Ho-eun. Then. Then he would embrace him.
“Hoo…”
It was when Tae-muk was breathing heavily, desperately trying to suppress the swirling desires. Ho-eun, who had been pressing his cheek against Tae-muk’s neck, slowly raised his head.
“General.”
In an instant, Tae-muk’s eyelids twitched precariously. It was because even that low voice calling him was chillingly good. Was a Bondmate such a sweet and fragrant being in the first place? Or was Ho-eun such a being? He couldn’t tell.
“Yeah.”
Tae-muk, who answered briefly, buried his lips in Ho-eun’s hair.
“Could we… just, just kiss?”
Ho-eun said cautiously. At those words, Tae-muk, who opened his eyes wide, looked down at Ho-eun in his arms. His large eyes hadn’t yet shed all the moisture, but they were beautiful enough to constrict his chest. So much so that he wanted to pluck them out, put them in his mouth, and suck on them.
“No.”
Tae-muk refused without a moment’s hesitation. He shouldn’t even think about it. The more he thought about it, the more likely he would be to say yes. His biased mind would create reasons to touch Ho-eun somehow.
But even with Tae-muk’s refusal, Ho-eun didn’t give up. Unlike his frail appearance, he was firm, strong, solid, and tenacious. He grabbed Tae-muk’s military coat without fear and said, clearly and unnecessarily logically.
“Why? I’m not saying we should do anything else. I’m just saying we should kiss, no more, no less. You can’t hurt me or make me sick with that.”
“……”
“It’s just a kiss. You’ve often done it even when you weren’t hurt, even when you weren’t using your strength, so why can’t you do it now? Then shouldn’t it be that we can’t hold hands like this, or hug like this either?”
Ho-eun took Tae-muk’s hand and hugged Tae-muk’s broad back. Then he looked up at Tae-muk. With an expression that said, ‘I’m right, aren’t I? I must be right? You can’t say I’m wrong, can you?’
“……”
Tae-muk licked the inside of his cheek as if to prick it with his tongue. Ho-eun had a smart head, but he was innocent and pure. He didn’t seem to expect at all that he could bite off his plump lips and cut off his moist tongue while kissing him.
Tae-muk was conflicted. Even though his gaze was already fixed on Ho-eun’s lips, his lips that were redder than usual because of the fever, he tried to be conflicted.
But it was all useless.
“General…”
Ho-eun seemed to move closer, then stretched out his neck and pressed his lips firmly against Tae-muk’s chin before pulling away. It was his first time kissing first, so the gesture was quite awkward and clumsy. There was no sound when his lips stuck together and separated.
But Ho-eun continued to kiss. He pressed and poked his lips along Tae-muk’s masculine jawline, and later rubbed his forehead against Tae-muk’s Adam’s apple.