19 – Hae-ah

All the servants who took care of me were women. This was because a boy’s touch was not delicate, and a man’s touch was not clean. Therefore, the only men I could meet were priests and old high-ranking wizards.

Because I rarely had the chance to meet men, I thought that men were born with wings. I mistook the reason why the women around me did not have wings as a difference in appearance due to gender. I misunderstood that the reason why wings were not visible on male priests and high-ranking wizards was because they folded them up and hid them well. Every man I met was famous and skilled, so they wore voluminous robes. Therefore, my misunderstanding was not resolved for a long time.

As a child, I was ignorant and foolish, so even when the servants praised my specialness, and even when the priests called me the torch of the Gods and looked up to me, I had no idea that the reason was my wings. That was until I was four years old.

Therefore, the first day of the year I turned five was very meaningful to me. It was because that was the day I first met a boy my age.

As usual, from the morning, the servants put me in the bathtub. I washed my whole body with lukewarm water, and stood under the sunny window to dry my hair and wings. The windows in my room were not on the walls. My room’s windows were high up on one side of the ceiling, pierced in a circular shape. Through that window, I saw the sun, the moon, the clouds, and the raindrops.

The wings that sprouted on my body grew particularly quickly. My small body quickly became fluffy and I started to put on my underwear, but it still took a long time for my huge wings to dry. Standing blankly in place, receiving the busy hands that were buttoning me up, I folded and unfolded my wings once. Then the servants would be surprised and fall from their seats, and they would laugh at being hit by the splashing water droplets. Surrounded by girls my age in the morning, it was the only time of day I could play a prank.

Yesterday, I counted the number of buttons and ribbons on my clothes, and there were twenty-three buttons and twenty-nine lines drawn by the ribbons. When I told the high priest that fact, he smiled and told a myth. The number of steps I had stepped down to be reborn into the world was twenty-three, and the number of bugs that had been extinguished by the torch that was me was twenty-nine…. I had to hold back a yawn at the tedious story. After that, I decided not to subtly brag about knowing how to count.

While I was lost in thought, my wings dried fluffily. The clothing was also completely dressed, including the headdress. The narrow-sleeved underwear that carefully covered the back of my hands was very thin, but the cyclas that covered my torso was thick enough to be heavy and full of embroidery. There were so many jewel buttons on the belt that crossed my waist that it was hard to walk straight. A servant smiled as she wrapped a transparent veil around my sullen lower jaw. I raised the corners of my lips, following her words of praise that it was a beautiful dress that even a queen of any country would have difficulty wearing.

Then I became expressionless. My two feet, placed alone on the smooth stone floor, were visible below.

‘Shoes….’

I had never worn shoes once in my life. My two feet were always left bare. This was because I rarely walked on my own feet, whether indoors or outdoors, anywhere. Father said that there were several important meanings to walking around with bare, fluffy feet. The sermon was always punctuated with long and difficult words, but it was easy to summarize.

‘Since you have wings, you don’t need to walk.’

It was solely to highlight that.

In order to use my wings to fly, I had to get permission from the high priest, Father, and the King, but in the first place, saying ‘I want to fly’ was taboo. The myth said that in the era when an Angel who had descended to earth abandoned the earth, the owner of the earth would change… or something like that. So I shouldn’t turn my back on the ground and fly up. My wings were useless, unable to fulfill their role of growing large and strong.

So I wanted to have shoes. More than fancy ornaments and expensive clothes, I wanted to have light leather shoes that the servants usually wore. Instead of earrings that had to be worn every morning by re-piercing the earlobes that had healed again, I wanted to have shoes too.

‘It would be nice if I could get them as a birthday present….’

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a birthday. According to the adults, the day I was born was not a birthday but ‘the day I came back to this land’, and I was not conceived in someone’s body but was a being created by God.

The burning pain in both earlobes woke me from my daze. The servant who succeeded in inserting the earring hoop into my ear seemed happy. Using the young servant’s eyes as a mirror, I could see how shiny the shell that wrapped me was.

“The Angel recovers really quickly. It’s already been half a year since we pierced your ears, but seeing that they’re still newly closed every morning…”

The young servant chattered happily. I stared up at her blankly, then nodded once.

Inside the mirror on the left was an expressionless child. An immature, small nose, lips that looked sulky, and disturbingly large eyes looked distorted. Unlike the naive appearance, the eyes were like an adult’s, somehow looking gloomy and even exuding an eerie atmosphere.

‘Unpleasant.’

An unpleasant child…. That was me.

However, the unpleasantness did not last long. Today, very rarely, was a day to go out outside the temple. Moreover, I didn’t have to meet the King. It was my first outing to a place other than the royal castle, so I quickly felt better.

Of course, there was a goal for today’s outing as well. While being carried in the arms of a priest and put into a carriage, I carefully recalled Father’s words. Today’s destination was the Duke’s castle, and the apparent goal was to pray for the safe return of the Duke, a war hero. There was a separate, secret mission given to me. It was to carefully check and remember the faces of their family. If I were to know their future because of it, I had to tell Father.

Looking at the scenery outside the carriage through the window, I quickly corrected my posture. I put my hands together on my knees and sat up straight, making sure I was flawless. Then the priest smiled. Most adults were like that. The more I acted unlike a child, the more relieved they were. It seemed that they were gaining confidence in the belief that the Reincarnated Angel was indeed not an ordinary child, but a special being worthy of praise, and a mature being worthy of it, and a torch that truly received God’s will and illuminated the way.

‘Boring. Tedious. Uninteresting.’

With my eyes closed in the same upright posture, I tried not to fall asleep.

The priests’ beliefs were not entirely wrong. I was a boy who was clearly different from other children my age. Unlike everyone else, the world I lived in was two-layered. My day consisted of today and tomorrow, two days.

While others lived through half a day of today and slept soundly at night, I lived through half a day of today and spent the whole night looking at some tomorrow that had not yet come. It was in the way that I saw and knew the later affairs of someone I knew. Such a ‘tomorrow’ was sometimes a very important day, and sometimes it was just some boring day without anything special happening.

That was my dream. Through dreams, I lived another day. So, around the age of three, I was like six years old, and now that I was five, I was much more mature than ten-year-old children. I felt like I was even older than the ten-year-old servant who carried me on his back.

Perhaps this mental aging was happening because the tomorrows I lived were not my days. In my dreams, I was a king with a sore back, a guard knight who pretended to protect the temple but secretly collected secrets, and my Father, who was trying to seize power by using his winged son.

One frustrating thing was that the characters in my dreams were limited to those I had met and knew. So far, all the ‘tomorrows’ I had seen were only about my Father, the priests, and the King. Of course, there were countless people I didn’t know in their tomorrows. Those people were all black and hazy, as if covered in dark shadows, so it was difficult to distinguish their voices or skin color. Whenever I had such dark dreams, it was very frustrating. No matter how many times I complained, Father would just smile and not broaden my world.

But what could I do? …Father’s persuasion always started with those words. Would you rather see the face of a beggar on the street and dream of starving to death? Would you rather see a death row inmate and be beheaded? It’s all for you. It’s to protect you. …Those words that used to fascinate me lost their effect the moment I saw his tomorrow.

My Father is not interested in my feelings. He only shows me those who are necessary for him, and he wants to use me in the most efficient and effective way. Even now, and in the future, he was planning to live his whole life based on the stories of tomorrow that I would tell him.

Anyway, it’s a good thing for me too. Father’s joy is my joy, and if our family’s reputation rises, I will also be treated well…. It was like that today. Thanks to the fact that Father needed my foresight, I had the opportunity to see such a beautiful Duke’s castle.

The Duke’s castle stood tall in the center of a prosperous and desirable land close to the capital, a wide, beautiful, and warm territory. The Duke was a knight so famous that rumors even seeped into my ears, who was holed up in the temple. However, everything from the tall castle walls and the sharply raised towers to the shape of the garden was different from the prestige I had heard so much about. It didn’t look very luxurious.

‘Our family’s castle seems more splendid….’

The Duke’s castle, which I glanced at through the carriage window, was antique, and the people were all busy. Everyone’s pace was fast, their hands and feet were moving busily, and everyone was overflowing with vitality. The Duchess smiled and greeted the priests, but she did not bow. The noble ladies who stood as maids behind the Duchess all looked stubborn. The servants who were unloading things from the carriage had eyes as bright as foals.

Sitting blankly in the carriage, I waited for the priests to finish their greetings. I waited for them to open the carriage door and hug me, to get me out of the carriage and allow me to do my part. After a long introduction and various greetings, the priest finally found me.

With an introduction punctuated with flowery language, he proudly held me up. While being held in the priest’s arms, I stretched my stuffy wings down. The moment I put strength into my lower jaw to hold back a yawn, I met the Duchess’s eyes. As I, flustered, widened my moist eyes, the Duchess looked down at me with a smile filling both cheeks.

“Was the journey boring?”

I was bewildered by the words she offered as if she were dealing with a child.

There was no other answer I could give. I shouldn’t easily utter even common greetings. Speaking outside the temple was strictly forbidden. Bowing to anyone other than the Goddess was also prohibited. With my neck held straight and my mouth tightly shut, I memorized the faces of those in front of me.

Following the Duchess’s guidance, the priests went back and forth throughout the castle, giving blessings. Only I was just loitering blankly among them. I was just busy looking around while being held in the priest’s arms. The sunny hallway, the beautiful scenery of the territory that could be seen brightly through the large window, and the noble atmosphere emanating from the people were impressive, but above all, the sunlight was good. It was as if the sun of a different season was rising only for their castle.

‘It would be nice if I could live in a house like this….’

I thought. With a different Father than my Father, and with different Hyung than my Hyung…. The imagination stopped there. I hardly knew any family forms other than my own. Father was someone who could not be satisfied with anything I did, and Hyung was no different from a stranger because we had hardly spent any time together. My older sisters had left for other countries a long time ago, and I couldn’t even remember seeing their faces. I didn’t know anything about any other family, so it was difficult to imagine.

After going back and forth through various parts of the beautiful castle, the priests stood in front of the Duke and Duchess’s bedroom door. I tapped the shoulder of the person holding me twice, and pointed to the couch in the hallway. He understood my hand signals and put me down. Thanks to that, I was able to see the scenery outside the window a little more comfortably.

After glancing at the window for a moment, I rested my elbows on the windowsill and stretched out my neck. Far away, the garden, which was decorated colorfully, was full of bright yellow spring. The low fence was green with new shoots, and beyond that, a surprisingly wide castle courtyard unfolded. In the center of the green courtyard was a boy who seemed much older than me, and looked very healthy. He appeared riding a horse much bigger than him.

‘He doesn’t have wings!’

I was flustered and quickly examined him. The boy riding the black horse across the courtyard was very fast. I had to open my eyes wide and concentrate to barely keep up with him.

The black horse carrying him looked very excited. The way it ran quickly with the tall boy on its back looked like a whirlwind. Every time it shook its head, its smooth body shone navy blue, which looked very cool. The horse, which had been running around the courtyard aimlessly, suddenly stopped on all fours. At the same time, the boy jumped off the horse’s back.

For a moment, I squeezed my eyes shut. But I didn’t hear anyone scream. When I gently opened my eyes and looked down again, I saw the boy standing on two feet in the courtyard. His black hair was shiny as if it was wet with sweat, and his forehead and nose, which were receiving the light, were very high and distinct. A tunic, pants, and boots were all the clothes that wrapped the boy.

Despite his simple and unadorned attire, I recognized who he was at a glance.

‘Theorim.’

The only son of a duke, a boy who was the spitting image of a great war hero, a young knight who knew how to fight properly with a sword. He skillfully handled the excited horse. Holding the reins, he patted the trembling beast’s neck repeatedly, saying something to it over and over. The black horse stopped flailing its front legs aimlessly, as if it understood human speech.

Soon, large adults swarmed around him. Judging by their big arm movements, their moving lips, and their furrowed brows, they seemed to be scolding him. Yet the atmosphere was uniformly pleasant. The boy laughed brightly and batted away an adult’s hand that was ruffling his head, then poked his elbow into the thick waist of a man presumed to be a knight.

None of them had wings or anything of the sort. They weren’t covering their backs with thick cloaks or layers of stuck-on accessories. They were all standing firmly on the ground, free.

I was utterly captivated by the sight.

It was shocking. That such a life existed… That the duke’s son could be so free-spirited and full of energy. The life of a wingless boy, born to different parents and raised in a different way than me… was as different from mine as the front and back of a canvas.

After staring at him, spellbound, for a long time, I dreamed of that boy the night I returned. But it wasn’t in an objective form, as Father wished. In the dream, for the first time, I was a participant, not an observer.

‘My breath… I’m out of breath…’

The world around me rocked and swayed up and down. The sky was scarlet, and the road was narrow. I could feel the body heat of people brushing past my shoulders, the baskets they carried, the large dogs they led, the ponies laden with goods. I was running on two feet, and right in front of me was him.

The brilliant boy with black hair. I could see the nape of his neck, his long arms reaching back, and his hands. He was holding my hand, running with me. The grip that swallowed my hand whole was strong. His skin was firm, his temperature hot. Thump, thump… His heart was beating so frantically that the pulse transmitted through the skin of his palm.

Leading me, he was cutting across the marketplace. He ran as if flying weightlessly, while I, who actually possessed wings, had no spare attention as I was busy hiding them. It was a struggle just to keep the hood fabric, which completely covered my head and back, from slipping off.

Because I had folded and hidden my large wings, a bulging lump formed at the neck of my shadow. It looked like a severe hunchback or a musician carrying an instrument. A bigger problem than the strange appearance was the weight of the wings. They were so heavy that my center of gravity shifted wildly with every step I took. I followed him, panting like a dog in summer, stumbling unsteadily.

He glanced back at me and slowed his pace. Before completely exiting the bustling market, he bought snacks being cooked right on the street and sold skewered on sticks. He bought everything in sight, starting with mysterious meat skewers, to rye bread sprinkled with parsley, to parsnips dried into chip form. Because of that, his and my hands were soon full of snacks.

He laughed, watching me hastily adjust my posture for fear of dropping a piece of bread. He spread out a large cloth, wrapped the food in the center, rolled it up tightly, and then tied it firmly across my body.

Swaying this way and that with his movements, I watched him. Thick eyebrows, deep-set eyes, a firm jaw… His black pupils were both bold and dazzlingly bright, and his generously wide mouth lingered somewhere between a boy’s and a man’s.

‘Is this… what he looks like a few years later?’

My face was reflected in his eyes. For me, my own face within his gaze felt stranger than his own grown-up appearance. I couldn’t hide my expectant expression and was grinning like a fool. I looked like any ordinary boy, my heart pounding up to my throat with excitement, not knowing what to do.

Leading my utterly foolish self, he started moving again. It’s not too late yet, just need to push a little more… Words like that drummed against my ears.

Drifting aimlessly with the dream’s flow, the place we arrived at was a hill with a mountain. A winding trail was etched between the gently rising land and the trees. His footsteps were light as he climbed the mountain along a path that seemed visible yet unseen.

In contrast, I was a slowpoke. Huh-huh, huh-huh… Gasping for breath as I followed him, I even tripped over a tree root and slid down with a rustle. He caught and supported my upper body just as I was about to tumble forward.

“Huhk…”

Using his forearm as a support, I leaned my upper body against him like wet laundry. Bending over, catching my breath, he exclaimed as if surprised.

“You, you lost your shoe!”

At his words, I tentatively moved my heel, which was half-buried in the dirt. My bare foot had been exposed because the hood fabric had ridden up. His eyes wide, he looked back along the path we had just taken. Scanning the small slopes below and between the tree roots, he tried to find my lost shoe for me.

The skin covering my face flushed hot. Before he could start searching for a lost item that didn’t exist, I quickly spoke up.

“I… I don’t have shoes.”

“What?”

Theorim’s eyebrows moved as if they were living creatures. Raising his left eyebrow and scrunching his right as if angry, he lowered his voice.

“So you’ve been barefoot all this time? Since we slipped out of the temple? From the very beginning?”

I see. So I… slipped out of the temple with him. In some tomorrow, this happens… Thinking that, I nodded my head up and down.

In response to my silent answer, he looked down at my feet again, seeming baffled. I followed his gaze and looked down too. Now that I looked, the thick hood fabric didn’t seem to be my clothes either. It was too long for my height, the fit was too large, and the material was unfamiliar. An embroidery of a thorny pattern was stitched on the chest. It seemed Theorim had draped his own hood over me.

I flinched my peeking foot. It was so dirty with mud and bits of grass, from the toes to the top of the foot, that my originally white skin was barely visible. Belatedly hiding my foot under the hood fabric and fidgeting, Theorim looked me up and down very intently. Then he let out a loud “Hmm.”

Soon, as if he had decided something, he turned his back to me. I immediately understood what his posture—crouching with one knee bent—meant. As he reached his arms back for me, I quickly climbed onto his back. Instead, I heard a sound as if he was surprised, sucking in a breath.

“…Huh, you…”

Muttering to himself as if exasperated, he stood up. My eye level shot up instantly. The world seen from his back looked much smaller and less frightening.

After hoisting me up, he shook his upper body from side to side while standing in place. My body wobbled up and down along with him. Anxious that I might accidentally fall, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. Only then did he stop moving.

“You, why are you just climbing onto someone’s back like this… You don’t look the type…”

His voice, mixed with a sigh, held an inexplicable complaint. I answered immediately.

“The priests often carry me. Am I heavy? Then please put me down.”

“No.”

That was the end of the conversation. He didn’t say anything more and stopped shaking me up and down playfully. However, he began climbing the mountain at a pace incomparably faster than before.

The scenery seen from his perspective felt more unimpeded. As if there was nothing to fear, he quickly passed by trees with black scars and leaves hanging like ghostly hands. Even the shadows of leaves draped over my head felt like a great threat. Behind us, the market and bustling streets were visible below, and above, the mountain at sunset was in full swing. Dazed by the stimulation from the unfamiliar landscape, the wings inside my hood twitched involuntarily.

I hugged his neck even tighter. My chest pressed firmly against his back, and my chin clung to his left shoulder. I almost buried my head, holding my breath. I didn’t want him to hear me panting, unable to handle even this level of stimulation. I was afraid the sound of my heart pounding fit to burst would reach him.

But the shame was brief. Through his back, which was in contact with my chest, I could also feel his heartbeat. The thumping resonance was very loud and very fast. My heart also beat rapidly in sync.

‘Sweat smell…’

As I buried my head in his shoulder, the tip of my nose grew sweet. From the sturdy forearms supporting me, the thick neck that my wobbling head bumped against with each rough step up the mountain, to the shoulder fabric of his tunic with its crumpled collar—the smell of sweat shed all day came from everywhere. The smell of earth reminiscent of dry flowerpots, the smell of old cloth that must have gotten on from handling a sword… They all came together to form his body odor. Perhaps because it mixed with the high body heat emanating from him, the smell felt peculiarly unique.

For me, who had been cooped up in the scentless, odorless temple interior, only smelling the perfume scent from Father or the fragrance of flower bouquets the King sent as gifts, the human, living scent emanating from him was utterly unfamiliar. I had met a few knights, but that was all. In front of me, they were all in formal attire with elegant decorations. Not a single man exuded the smell of sweat, earth, or swords.

Theorim moved quickly, stomping on clumps of dirt and kicking away tree roots. However, it seemed impossible for him to reach his desired place at his desired time. Because of the burden of carrying me on his back, by the time his two feet reached the ‘secret base,’ the sun had already set.

“Night has fallen.”

With an awkward smile, he sat me down in the ‘best spot.’ It was in front of a green tent, large enough for two adults to lie down snugly, under an old tree stump.

“If you sit here and look, both the sunrise and sunset are entirely beautiful… I wanted to show you, it’s a pity.”

“We can look at the stars instead.”

Sitting with only half my bottom on the spot, I patted the large tree rings. Then he chuckled softly, stretched out his arms, grabbed my waist, and shoop—moved my body, which had been perched on the edge, to the center of the tree stump.

‘He said he doesn’t just get carried on someone’s back… But he just… grabs, lifts…’

His hand touched my knees, which were pouting in bewilderment. It was to push aside the hood fabric covering my shins and feet.

“Let me see your foot. Looks like it’s scraped.”

Then he plopped down casually on the ground covered with leafy greens and took hold of my two feet. Despite having done nothing, I was so tired that I let him examine my dirt-covered foot and remove the thorn stuck between my toes.

“Didn’t it hurt?”

“It didn’t hurt. I didn’t even know I was injured.”

“Surprising. You look like you’d cry even if scratched by a cat’s claw…”

Bowing my head to look, I finally saw the blood wetting my toe. It seemed a small thorn had been deeply embedded in my skin. Bright red blood was flowing out between my thumb and index finger, pushing aside the black dirt. I was the one with the injured foot, but the one who seemed to be in pain was Theorim instead. He furrowed his brow deeply, rummaged inside his own clothes, then pressed down firmly between my toes with a white handkerchief.

“…This is an injury worth crying over. Isn’t it?”

Then he looked up at me with worried eyes, as if something displeased him.

“It doesn’t hurt this much.”

“Playing tough.”

“No, really… It’s not like my flesh is torn or my bone is broken. What…”

“What’s torn, and what’s how? Why such harsh words? What reason do you have to be like that?”

He spoke as if scolding me. I quickly closed my mouth. And moved my head up and down, nodding. I almost made a mistake. If I make a mistake, Father scolds me. Then I have to meet that old high mage again. Receiving strong healing magic from him too often caused side effects. My sense of touch became dull, so I didn’t feel pain easily. Starting with not being ticklish, lately, even poking my finger with a pen tip felt like nothing.

The changes in my body had to be known only by me. There’s no good in letting the whip-wielding Father or the angry Hyung know unnecessarily. If they find out I’m not receiving sufficient pain, they’ll increase the intensity of the punishment…

So I must not make a mistake.

“……”

As I closed my mouth and fell silent,

“……”

Theorim was also quiet without a word. In the stillness, his gaze remained fixed on my face.

“Did you… also hurt your hand?”

After hesitating, I found something to say. Then his gaze touched my two eyes before heading, as if following its own movement, to his right hand. Soon, a sound like a stifled laugh escaped. He spoke, seeming baffled.

“This isn’t a wound, it’s a callus. From holding a sword for a long time, the color changed.”

“But there’s a blister… Doesn’t it hurt?”

“It doesn’t hurt. This is just like a bug bite level.”

He said, casually rubbing the blister located between his thumb and index finger. His gaze, which had been momentarily distracted, returned to my foot. That look seemed to be comparing his own hand and my foot. My two feet had not a single callus, only a fresh scrape oozing blood. My heels were soft like the flesh of my forearm, and with almost no wrinkles, even my toes were smooth and bare. Afraid that this might seem strange, or that he might find it unpleasant, my heart twinged unnecessarily.

I wriggled the hand hidden inside the hood. I felt the fabric rustling and crumpling. Letting out an ‘Ah’ sound, I untied and lowered the cloth bundle wrapped around my upper body. Untying the tightly fastened knot, I took out and showed the snacks he had bought earlier.

Only then did Theorim’s interest in my injury disappear. He did seem to glance at my toes a few more times as if concerned, but that was all.

“I’m hungry.”

When I said that, he readily introduced the unfamiliar snacks to me. The identity of the meat skewer turned out to be grilled lizard. Unlike him, who excitedly told me it was a very young horned lizard, naming the monster type, I was horrified. Because the lizard’s head with its round, snail-shell-like horns was still fully attached. It looked as if it would come back to life and crawl away if you just blew a small breath into it.

Instead of me, frozen in place and flustered, he turned his back so I couldn’t see and moved the two skewers around. He fussed with them for a good while, so I peeked my head out to look and saw large hands deboning a small roasted creature. Finally, the bones and head in the shape of a lizard were pushed aside. On the skewer extended towards me, only the well-cooked meat remained.

“Here, try it. It’s incredibly tender and sweet. You’ll be looking for it again too.”

“……”

After hesitating, I opened my mouth and carefully bit off a very small piece of the meat with my front teeth. I put the tiny piece of meat in my mouth and chewed it slowly. Theorim, more delighted than I was, gave me a bright smile.

“How is it? Tasty, right?”

I can’t taste anything.

‘Ah… Right, I’m dreaming…’

Not wanting to ruin the mood, I quietly nodded my head. I even forced a fake smile.

Unlike me, who was somewhat dazed, Theorim, living in the ‘tomorrow’ of the dream, actively told me many stories. He talked about his great father, whom he had never met in his life because he was busy traversing battlefields. He talked about his mother, who had once secretly published a novel under her cousin brother’s name. He even told me about the habits of the eagle he was taming lately. All the while, he looked happy.

“What about you?”

The question returned to me, who was smiling along with him.

“What do you like?”

And then I woke from the dream.

“Ah.”

Letting out a sound—whether an exclamation or a sigh—I bolted upright from my spot and then tumbled over. I had been in the midst of enjoying life as a boy, a few years from now. Suddenly returning to today’s five-year-old body, my body didn’t feel like my own. Having fallen from the soft, plush bed onto the cold stone floor, my whole body ached.

“Ouch…”

My arm tingles from just this small impact, but in the dream, I didn’t mind even bleeding. It wasn’t just that the senses were dulled because it was a dream. Things like punishment, high mages, healing magic, and side effects were things I, as I am now, didn’t even know about and couldn’t handle.

I blankly raised my hand and pinched both of my cheeks. Pulling them up, down, and side to side, my skin tingled with pain.

‘Is that really… going to happen? Later on, will Father really… do that to me…?’

I looked around somewhat frantically. Because I had woken up earlier than usual, the sky was still dark. Over my thin pajamas, I found a cloak to cover my body and put it on. With clumsy, small hands that wouldn’t listen, I struggled to tie the knot of the garment. And then I spread my wings.

It was difficult to float up from the spot, but once my feet left the ground, the flight itself wasn’t difficult. Hovering in the air, I wobbled for a moment before moving my two wings from above to below, as if striking downwards. My whole body soared, and I flew straight up towards the high ceiling. Stretching out my arms, I pushed the circular window open at an angle. I had always wondered if I could squeeze through the narrow gap meant only for ventilation. And today, I found the answer.

Sitting on the highest ceiling of the temple, at the top of the building, I looked around. There were many clouds and the fog was thick, making it difficult to distinguish the boundary between the sky and the earth. In the dimness, the rugged horizon was visible. It was a time when there wasn’t a single bird flying in the sky, nor a diligent young believer walking about.

It took a long time to stand up on the roof and regain my balance. After stumbling several times, I stretched out my wings. Enveloping them inward and tilting them outward, I shook them a few times and walked towards the edge of the roof. And then I stretched my foot out into the air. At the same time, my body plunged downwards.

White walls, pillars, and curtained windows flashed before my eyes in turn. Just before I crashed straight down and slammed into the ground, I abruptly tilted my wings upwards and raised my head. I heard a whooshing sound, like a sigh, in my ears. I felt as if my chest was splitting in two, and my lower abdomen pulled sharply. Cutting through the air, my body rose higher.

So that others couldn’t see me, so that no one would know that I had flown, I flew as high as I could until I was breathless. Only when tears welled up in my eyes and my throat felt constricted did I barely stop flapping my wings. I spread both wings wide to the left and right and entrusted my body to the wind.

The royal castle seen from the sky didn’t look so grand. The temple that had constantly confined and restricted me was also just a small, white lump. The villa of the Marquis family, where Father would be waking up around now, looked like a toy. And in the distance, the thorny silhouette created by the mountains standing shoulder to shoulder came into view. Below them, small lights twinkled. Like tiny fireflies illuminating the dark dawn, the identity of the small stars was the lit-up shops.

The world outside the temple is so busy… Smiling at the refreshing breeze, I looked at what was beneath my feet. Soon, a deserted downtown area came into view. I lowered my body very slowly towards it. I tried to find the shop I had seen in my dream, but it was impossible to find the lizard barbecue shop that would open one afternoon after an unknown number of years. Still, I was able to reach the mountain with a low hill that existed in the same location.

One step, two steps, I kicked my feet in the air and got closer to the ground. Unable to catch up with the speed of my flight, my legs stepped on the dirt as if being pushed along. For a moment, I remained in an awkward state that was neither flying nor running, and the moment I lost the flow of the wind, I finally tumbled over.

“Ugh!”

After groaning for a moment while lying face down, I put my hand on a tree trunk and raised my body. The sense of disconnect from the dream felt even greater today. My immature body felt so small, weak, and ugly. In the dream, my arms and legs were longer, and my hands and feet were bigger….

While folding my two wings behind my back and climbing the mountain, I complained inwardly. My wings, tired from my first flight, were so heavy that I felt like I would fall over at any moment unless I bent my back deeply. Still, I couldn’t stop crawling up the mountain. This was the first time I had a dream that I wanted to be so sure was a real tomorrow. I had always just accepted it, believing it was naturally a foreseen event, but this time was different. I definitely wanted to confirm it with my own two eyes. Whether there really was that sparkling boy’s secret base there…. Whether what I saw was really some day in the future when he and I would be together. Whether that exciting afternoon was really mine.

And it was there. I couldn’t see the green tent or the place where the wooden poles had been set up, but it was still there. The prime spot where I had sat in the dream, the base of the old tree with huge growth rings…. He wasn’t there yet, and there were no snacks that I had eaten with him, nor the warmth or footprints of anyone else, but the tree spot was definitely in its place.

‘It was real.’

I opened my hand, then made it into a fist and clenched it tightly. Then I sat down on the thick growth rings. I stretched out my dirty feet, covered in dirt, and wiggled them from left to right. Someday, that boy will sit in front of me. He will put my feet on his thighs, wipe away the blood I shed, and frown. He will capture me in his deep brown eyes and smile with a furrowed brow.

The sun was rising in the distance. He was right, the sunrise seen from the secret base was very beautiful.

For a long time, I was lost in thought as I watched the rising sun. It was the first time I had seen my own tomorrow, in which I was the main character, and I felt intoxicated by that feeling. It was also the first time I had flown freely across the sky, the first time I had escaped so far from the temple, and the first time I had hummed a wordless song and walked alone.

As the feeling of being elated with joy faded, my sense of reality sharpened. It was time to go back. I wanted to watch the sun fully rise, but I couldn’t help it. I carefully fastened my hood again and climbed the mountain a little higher, higher. Then I flapped my wings on the hill that felt high in my own way.

When I flew here from the temple, I wasn’t tired at all because I was so excited, but the time to return to the white, cage-like building was painful. The refreshing breeze that had made me laugh was now just cold. The moisture of the fog that had swept across my face also felt damp and heavy. As soon as I arrived near the white pillars of the temple, the strength in my wings disappeared and I became breathless. I couldn’t find my way straight to my room. My mind became hazy with the onrush of fatigue. Thinking that it would be a big problem if I fainted, I landed as soon as I saw a familiar landscape. It was a garden surrounded by high walls.

Barely gathering my trembling wings, I looked around. Until yesterday morning, before I saw the courtyard of the Marquis family and the brilliant boy riding a horse there, this garden was heaven to me. On days when I came here in the arms of a servant, I could step on the grass and watch the fish in the small pond. But after seeing Theorim, witnessing the tomorrow I would spend with him, and returning after leaving my footprints at the secret base site with the huge tree stump, the garden was narrow and shabby.

All the colorful flowers were planted in pots. The floor was covered with grass of uniform length. Even the fish in the pond were just released and then taken out and replaced when they died, so they were all lifeless. I slowly crawled towards the pond. And I looked into my face reflected on the water.

Right now, I am five years old…. How old was I in the tomorrow I saw in my dream? At least ten years old, I think. At least, that meant I had to wait five more years.

‘It’s okay.’

Putting my feet in the pond and washing off the grains of dirt, I nodded my head.

‘Let’s endure well, just like I’ve been doing so far. Just keep living like that.’

Then I will meet Theorim.

“Angel!”

I jumped greatly at the sudden voice. I was so surprised that I almost fell into the pond. Raising my head in a daze, I saw a servant with a freckled face drenched in sweat. Her clumsy face was pale with a mixture of fear and layers of worry.

“How long…, how long have I been looking for you? I took your morning wash water, but you weren’t in your room, so how much I…. I thought you had disappeared. I thought someone had taken you away….”

Whispering endlessly in a trembling voice, she approached me. Then she picked me up, who had put my feet in the pond. Being easily held in the arms of the young servant, the sense of disconnect between dream and reality completely disappeared. It felt like my eyes were opening right away.

“Your pajamas are stained with grass. Did you want to take a walk that much? You could have waited a little longer….”

At the sighing whisper, my heart pounded. Even though I had done things like coming down to the small garden before, and no one knew the secret that I had flown in the sky, I felt inexplicably anxious and restless.

My heart was pounding because I was excited and nervous about the secret escapade I had pulled off.

After that day, I often dreamed of a tomorrow in which Theorim appeared. He came to find me in the temple just as often and diligently. In order to meet him, I also had to carefully escape from my room, which was blocked on all sides. He had discovered that one of the outer wall fences on the east side of the temple was particularly loose and poorly constructed with a wide gap. We could sit shoulder to shoulder through that gap, each existing inside and outside the temple. Sitting with our forearms touching each other’s, we chatted while looking at different scenery.

Each time the dream continued once or twice, he had grown significantly. The fresh, youthful beauty of the brilliant boy I had liked was gradually changing into a solid strength. On the other hand, there seemed to be no significant difference in the size of my hands and feet or the thickness of my wrists. Perhaps knowing that fact, he was always dissatisfied with my slowly growing body. He would joke about who was starving me and bring me various snacks.

In my dream, he called me by my name. No one, not even my Father, called me ‘Hae-ah,’ but only he secretly called me ‘Hae-ah.’ There was no need to package it with embarrassing words like Angel or Torch. In front of him, I was a young sibling of his age and just a boy. For as short as ten minutes to as long as two hours, it was so enjoyable to secretly make eye contact and whisper silly jokes and secret daily lives.

At some point, I also called him ‘Theo.’ He scratched his cheek, saying that even his Mother no longer called him that, and that it was a nickname he only allowed me to use throughout the entire earth. His attitude seemed shy and boastful, so in my dream, I found him very cute.

However, today’s color was quite different from the tomorrow in my dream. On the day I turned seven, Hyung came to find me. I sent Hyung, who had suddenly come to request a meeting, back through the priest. It was somewhat frightening to meet Hyung without Father. It was because I knew that he would be the one to swing his arms around in a huff, saying ‘What’s so great about you?’ in the near future.

Hyung came to the temple the next day and the day after that. According to the priest, my Father was away on family matters and would be out of the capital for a few days. Curious about Hyung’s intentions in finding me without Father’s knowledge, I accepted the third meeting request. I called him into my room and faced him alone. Looking back, that day was the first time that brothers had faced each other alone in one room. At the moment of our proper first meeting, Hyung was so angry that his hair stood on end.

“You stood me up twice? Just because you were born with two measly wings, has your head turned into a bird brain? Why do I have to go through such hardship to see my younger brother?”

I didn’t know that coming to the temple of his own will, hearing the words of rejection, and returning home in a fancy carriage was such a hardship. Like someone trying to force their crumpled pride to unfold, he tapped my head with the gift box he had brought.

“What’s so great about you?”

The words that Hyung casually spat out were shocking to me. I had deliberately ignored him to avoid meeting him saying that, but my actions were the cause, and it was the moment I finally arrived at the same tomorrow. The predetermined tomorrow does not change… I thought so. My passive avoidance alone cannot easily change it… I thought.

After complaining to his heart’s content, Hyung took the gift box he had brought back with him. The box held in his red face was all unwrapped and crumpled. I couldn’t know what the gift was that he was going to give to his younger brother, whom he was properly meeting for the first time, avoiding Father’s eyes. As far as I knew, he would never give me any gifts for the rest of his life.

Not long after, another meeting request came in. This time, it was Father, not Hyung, who was looking for me. He strode into my room and clasped his hands together and smiled for a moment, but as soon as the servants left, he scolded me. Everyone recognizes the Marquis family’s carriage, so what were you thinking, rejecting your own Hyung’s visit twice?

“Do you know how difficult it is to block a rumor once it starts? I hope it doesn’t happen again, but if your Hyung comes to find you again, welcome him.”

Then he grabbed me and sat me down at the desk. I obediently rolled my eyes, since it had been a long time since he had held my hand, and a quill pen came into my right hand. Parchment was inserted under my left hand. The answer sheet, as to what kind of writing to show to whom, popped out from Father’s arms.

“Now, copy it as it is.”

There was a sentence written on the paper he showed, and at first glance, it was negative. It referred to someone from a noble family, whom I had never met, as the ‘First Clay Tablet.’ According to mythology, the Goddess who created this land was a mischievous prankster. She had hidden three Clay Tablets that the one who would become King had to find and break himself. The first Clay Tablet was said to cause the King’s wife to be lost, the second Clay Tablet was said to cause the King’s child to be lost, and the third Clay Tablet was said to cause the foundation to be lost.

‘So, if I… call this person a Clay Tablet, then this person….’

These days, the power of unfounded myths, which are no different from legends, is great. That, too, was a phenomenon that arose from me. I didn’t know what would happen if I wrote something that slandered others with my own hands.

I hesitated and opened my mouth.

“Father. I have never had such a dream….”

“I left you in the temple for too long.”

Father’s answer was quick and firm. As if he knew it would be like that, he grabbed my head with his large hand in a comfortable manner. And he shook it from left to right and said.

“Don’t you want to go home after a long time?”

“…….”

From left to right… I shook my head. I didn’t want to go back home. In the temple, there was at least a young servant who cared for me, my room with a circular window in the ceiling, and a small garden where I could lie down anyway. But there were other things at home. There was a study full of books related to mythology that I couldn’t get out of unless I memorized them, a whip and a high-ranking magician used to discipline me whenever I acted like a child, and a violent Hyung waiting to meet me with Father’s permission.

Feeling a burning sensation in my throat, I slowly moved my hand. I copied the answer sheet presented by Father onto the parchment, word for word, without missing a single letter. After rolling up the freshly dried ink, I had to tie it up and package it in my own way.

When I handed over the false oracle with trembling hands, Father gladly accepted it. Even after he left, I couldn’t stand up straight from my seat. My legs cramped and my hands and feet felt cold.

Guilt did not leave me all day long. Rather, it seemed to become even stronger as time passed. I suffered from body aches. The cause of the illness was remorse. Because of the false oracle I had written, it felt like something bad would happen to someone I had never met. I was anxious that I might end up harming someone with my own hands, that I might have ruined and insulted an innocent person by covering them with sin.

In the evening, the young servant who had returned after finishing her errand showed a flushed expression. While brushing my hair as I soaked in a hot tub, she said in an innocent voice. Today, the King found the traitors, and two of them were sent to the Goddess’s side….

Half-dazed, I asked.

“Did they get a confession from them?”

Then, the young maid’s eyes widened. She wiped the droplets of water that had gathered on her chin due to the steam, and then she asked me back as if she had heard something absurd.

“A confession? Why would we need something like that? We have the Angel’s words…”

I leaned my head completely against the back of the tub. And closed my eyes. The young maid smiled as she supported my body, which was trying to sink into the water. I was seized by the urge to shake off her hand. I wanted to bury my head in the hot water as it was. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to fall asleep, even if it meant fainting, and dream. I wanted to go to tomorrow.

Two years later, Father came to find me again. That day, I had seen something in a dream, so for the first time in my life, I rebelled. On the day I threw away my pen, not wanting to slander an innocent family with the second Clay Tablet, I also tumbled to the floor after it.

My reason had lived twice as long as others, but my body was still very young. It was a body that often couldn’t even beat my Hyung, who was only two years older than me. It was no match for Father, who was a broad-shouldered adult. In the end, I was forcibly held in his hand and had to grip the pen in my right hand. Because his grip was so rough and strong, tears streamed down my face. A high-ranking magician entered the room to fix my abnormally twisted right hand. As soon as my hand was healed by the power of magic, I was put back in my seat at the desk.

“I’m sorry.”

Father said in a gentle voice, holding and rolling my endlessly trembling hands in his one hand. It was the first time I had ever heard an apology from him, so I forgot my sorrow and stopped crying. But the words that followed completely diverged from my expectations.

“I made you misunderstand. It seems I made you feel like you were some great being.”

As he smiled, his dimples deepened. The wrinkled corners of his mouth looked handsome. Since I was born into the world with wings, I had always thought of his smile as a reward. The only reason I believed Father’s words and followed his orders was for that reason alone. I wanted to be a proud son who deserved to be praised and loved.

“The torch of the Gods, the messenger who delivers the Goddess’s words, the great Reincarnated Angel! Do you really think that’s your true self?”

“…….”

I couldn’t find the words to say to the barrage of words. Shaking my eyes back and forth, I wanted to escape from Father, whose lips were smiling but whose eyes were so cold they stung. But there was no way. His two hands grabbed my shoulders. His lips came to my ear. His voice dug into my head.

“Your Mother died giving birth to you. You know how unlucky that is. Will people still love you after they find out? Who would call a freak of nature who sucked his mother’s blood and came into the world an Angel, who is nothing but ominous?”

“…….”

“Think carefully. You’re a smart child, aren’t you? Think about who made you. How should you act to continue to sit in the highest seat of this temple and remain a beloved Reincarnated Angel? Huh?”

“…….”

I couldn’t say anything in the end. Perhaps it was because I had heard a secret that was too shocking, but now I couldn’t even cry. Rather, my head was blank and my heart calmed down. Once again, Father made me hold the pen in my right hand. Parchment and string were laid out under my left hand.

One letter, two letters, I wrote down the names of people I didn’t know. As I copied the fake oracle, I was seized by a miserable hope. I was relieved that the Duke’s name was not involved in that ominous slander of the second Clay Tablet. I was so relieved that Theorim was not among the names I had to write down.

I remembered that warm Ducal Castle where the summer sun was shining even in early spring. It was a good thing that the slander of being a traitor’s land did not take root there. It was a good thing that Theorim was not involved with the lives that would be sacrificed to protect my position as a dirty swindler, who was being tossed around by my Father’s tongue. I felt like a worm for being grateful for that fact.

Before long, my Father’s reputation was on par with the King. People’s faith in me also became as firm as his. It was the result of the oracle I had written down and the fake evidence of treason that Father had planted. Rumors spread that my hair and feathers were elixirs, so I was tired of the frequent attacks from those who were desperate for health or money.

Before I knew it, my only pleasure was sleeping. It became a strange daily routine where being awake was like hell, and dreaming was filled with hope. The reason I endured today’s life was in the fortune of the future. The name of that fortune was Theorim.

‘In order to meet him, here, in the temple… I have to do my best too. I have to be a little more patient, endure, and hold on.’

I only believed that.

Of course, there were also disappointments that came with not being able to control whose tomorrow I would see. If Theorim didn’t appear in the tomorrow I looked at at the end of a tiring day, it felt like the already stuffy breath was being tightened even more. On days when I watched the tomorrows of others that I wasn’t even a little bit curious about, without him or me, that time was tedious and terrible.

In one tomorrow, I watched the lonely death of the King, who had become mentally weakened. Lying in a cold, small room in a tall tower, he was distraught as he died. With his two feet in life and death, he realized his ignorance, resented the Reincarnated Angel who would not hold his hand on such a painful day, and longed for his lost friends. Lamentable regret defiled him along with filth.

In another tomorrow, the Duchess was seen. Sitting with her maid, she was embroidering a thorny bush pattern on a soft cloth, and her voice chatting was pleasant to hear. The Duchess, who was comforting the sullen maid who was pessimistic about her situation, was kind. There are days like that, and when you look back on the hard days, they are all soil that hardens my roots…. Her comfort to the maid was just like the words she was saying to me. It was a rare, comfortable dream.

Yet another tomorrow was lewd and chaotic. There was a Prince who was mixing bodies with a woman with a voluptuous figure, hiding from everyone’s eyes.

‘…….’

I froze, standing as if I would melt into the wall at any moment. Panting breaths, moaning groans, and obscene remarks close to profanity were scattered along with their underwear. The Prince, who had exposed his naked buttocks, was moving his body so that his testicles were shaking, and the woman lying under him was moving her plump legs like a fish.

They looked like beasts. There was not a trace of dignity. Just flesh, lumps…. They didn’t seem like people. Completely disarmed in a way that was not organized at all, covered in sweat and just going crazy with desire… without a single proper word, without anything fabricated….

“Ah!”

I felt like I was suffocating in the red of the erotic dream. All the shame was mine. I didn’t know how to handle a dream like this, where the adult Prince was acting like a beast and lusting after a woman who was bigger and older than him…. I wasn’t even sure if I should tell Father about such a vulgar dream.

‘This… is a secret, so shouldn’t I keep quiet….’

The more I kept silent, the stronger Father’s urging would become, but how could I handle that situation? I pondered, watching the dangling flesh. It had been too long since I had given Father a plausible prophecy. It had already been 30 days since I had lied that I hadn’t had any dreams. If I kept silent for another day, he might break my wrist instead of my fingers.

“Ah! Haa, haa…!”

“Aheung, heueung….”

As wet moans burst out haphazardly, I frowned. Closing my eyes was useless. Blocking my ears was meaningless. If a dream shows me tomorrow, there is no way for me to refuse. I can only watch, listen to everything, and let my memory be carved into the tree….

In the end, I forced my eyes open. Depressed, I watched the two men and women who were mixing bodies without getting tired of it. And I realized something I hadn’t known before. Not only the Prince, but also the woman’s appearance was very clear. It meant that I had met her somewhere.

‘Who….’

Unable to get closer, I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips. As I observed the people who were tangled up and making love in a disheveled state, I felt ashamed and burned inside for some reason, and I felt like I was going to cry.

Even so, I recognized her. I had met her only once. When I visited the Ducal Castle on Father’s orders, she was the noble lady standing behind the Duchess. She was also the maid who complained to the Duchess about her inability to resolve her desires and stopped crying while listening to her kind advice.

‘No….’

I gritted my teeth and despaired. Even if my neck was broken instead of my wrist, I couldn’t tell Father anything about the ‘tomorrow’ related to Theorim. Even the scandal of the Duchess’s maid might be used in some way if it reached my Father’s ears.

My depression continued until I woke up. Because I hadn’t told him any prophecies for thirty days, Father was very angry. He punished me in exactly the way I expected. He pressed me, asking if the reason I was sleeping without dreaming was because I had become lazy, and he grabbed me and shook me, asking if I was creating secrets.

Finally, he created a reason for my incompetence. It was all because I didn’t have enough asceticism. He said that in order to create miracles, that much suffering was necessary. I couldn’t move, held in his rushing arms. I didn’t have the courage to resist, and I didn’t have the will. The ‘asceticism’ lasted for half a day. I fainted when more than half of the water that had filled the tub overflowed, and half of it entered my nose and mouth.

And I smiled. In the dream I faced as soon as I opened my eyes, Theorim was finally seen. He was showing the top of his head and bowing in front of me. His black hair was beautifully disheveled. I could see his well-shaped forehead, thick eyebrows, and lips drawing an arc below his high nose that seemed to cut like a veil. In his large hands, he held a pair of small shoes.

“Here.”

Smiling broadly, I leaned against the white pillar of the temple. As I sat down on the floor following him, he placed shining shoes in front of my two feet, respectively. It was the first time in my life that I had received shoes. The sandals made of gold were treasures in themselves. It was a beautiful and wonderful gift that sparkled crimson in the sunset.

Embarrassed and shy, he explained the advantages of his gift.

“You can tie the straps over your instep. It’s so light that it won’t feel stuffy even when you wear it. Your feet won’t be heavy even when you fly in the sky.”

Soon, his large hands carefully grabbed my feet. Embarrassingly, the skin of my two feet was much softer and more delicate than the skin of his palms. His hands, which were placing the soles of the shoes under my shabby pale feet and tightening the gold straps over my instep and ankles, were slow. His hands, which beat up goblins and tore apart medium-sized dragonkin, were very large and rough, so he had trouble with the delicate task of tying shoelaces.

For a moment, the only thing that passed between him and me was a breath full of excitement. Finally, two pairs of golden shoes completely covered my two feet. It was very unfamiliar to me to have a solid shoe sole attached under my soles and the feeling of the straps tightly wrapping around my instep and ankles.

That’s why it was even better.

“Thank you….”

I couldn’t control anything, from the temperature of my burning cheeks to my moistening eyes, and I was just moved. The moment I barely took my eyes off the shoes that covered my feet and raised my head, his lips met mine. In the surprised moment, I could only see his tightly closed eyes. He, who was not afraid of dragons or bears, was trembling because of me.

Not knowing what to do with our touching lips, I also shook my hands following him. He wrapped my hands, which were curled up on my knees, with both hands. The feeling of the calluses on his palms, hardened in the shape of a sword hilt, was hard, rough, and hot.

In an instant, I recalled the lower body of the strange man moving up and down, covered in sweat. Then, I gasped, surprised by my own thoughts. I hurriedly pulled out my clasped hands and shook off the long kiss. Then he stopped abruptly.

“…Ah.”

I was just dazed. In the short moment of sharing a kiss, my body had completely collapsed, leaning against the pillar. My legs, which had lost their strength, were also disheveled, and it was unclear whether I was sitting or lying down. Theorim’s upper body completely covered my body above me. His size, which covered me like a large roof, as if a landslide had occurred, felt even more majestic.

He was no longer a boy. Now he was an adult. Even in my dreams, I was still immature, but he was different. He was much bigger, cooler, and more manly than me.

“I’ll wait.”

He said out of the blue. His face was as red as someone who had been running. I could see the bulging blood vessels above his straight temples. I could even see the pulse beating above it, thumping like a small drum.

My heart reacted to that subtle reaction. The organs that filled my stuffy body had vitality and were throbbing, so I felt like my chest would burst at any moment. I was so nervous and excited that I felt like I was going to vomit. Theorim was a joy that was hard for me to handle.

My joy whispered to me.

“Tomorrow, I will be blessed. I will become a man who can officially become an adult and become the head of the family, or get married…. So I will wait.”

“Wait for… what?”

“Until you grow up.”

Once again, he clasped my hand. Then he pressed his lips on the ring finger of my left hand. I felt like my eyeballs would melt from the temperature of the soft skin. For some reason, I felt like I was going to cry.

He flinched, as if embarrassed by my reaction. He took his lips off and slowly moved his body back.

‘It’s not because I don’t like it, it’s not like that….’

I was soon anxious that he might misunderstand my feelings. I wanted to soothe his embarrassed heart and relieve his feelings so that he wouldn’t be unnecessarily hurt. That’s why I hurriedly opened my mouth.

“I can’t be blessed. That’s something that’s given to a man who is a person, but I’m not a person… and I’m not a man…. I can’t have a surname, and I can’t get married.”

Soon, I regretted it. The words I had said to soothe him seemed to have hurt him instead. I had only recited the facts that were so obvious to me, but he was as surprised as someone whose ice under his feet had broken.

“…I didn’t know.”

I was reflected in his long, dark eyes.

His eyes were always upright and kind. When he made a clumsy expression, he was still like a boy, but his eyes had been mature for a long time. More mature than any adult I knew.

“I’m sorry.”

I apologized. Then he shook his head. He stood up from his seat and even opened his mouth to say something. But no words were uttered.

“…….”

However, he roughly stroked my hair. Because of that, my head shook, and my vision became even more blurred.

The lamp in my dream, my love that exists in tomorrow…. I quietly closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. That touch was the affection of the only adult who treated me like a child, and the kindness of the only man who made me flutter.

When I smiled and opened my eyes again, he was not in front of me. Instead, I looked up at Father, who was sitting by my head. As he reached out and stroked my hair, I stiffened my shoulders.

Cough, a dry cough burst out. But I no longer felt the pain of my breath being constricted and water filling my lungs. Father also no longer seemed angry with me. As soon as he confirmed my clean state, he handed a bag of gold coins to the high-ranking magician who had performed the excellent healing magic.

And he was silent. Instead of pressing me to ask what tomorrow I had seen, he stroked my hair and wiped my sweaty cheeks. That touch made me embarrassed. I was uneasy because he didn’t punish me. I was suffocated by his gentle touch. I wished he would rather scold me, insult me as an unlucky bastard, slap my crying cheeks, and shout. The moment the punishment that seemed like it would never end suddenly stopped, I was not relieved, but rather scared.

“…….”

Terrified, I clenched my teeth. My jaw trembled even as I forced it shut. My teeth chattered. Father listened to my small noises for a long time. Then, as if satisfied, he rose from his seat and left me.

After that, Father tortured me in similar ways. For weeks, he repeated punishments in the name of penance. Then, one day, he would say it was all for me, ask for my understanding, and offer gentle comfort. All the pain was my destiny, all of it was for me, for our family, and for Hyung’s well-being.

Eventually, I divulged a certain tomorrow. The foresight I had swallowed without uttering, even when my back was torn, my bones were broken, and my blood vessels burst, erupted, unable to withstand the uneasy affection. The tomorrow I spewed out in terror was very positive. It said the war would end in victory, and a hero would return to the capital.

To avoid Father’s desire for more specific answers, I mingled with the priests. The old priests were pleased when I sat among them and prayed with them. But kneeling in the sunny spot, clasping my hands together, I screamed silently. I poured out a long curse at the Goddess who had made me a winged freak. And I apologized. I was sorry for having hateful thoughts, sorry for offering such prayers because I was weak, and I was happy with the occasional tomorrow she showed me.

‘It’s all… soil to solidify my roots, right? It is, isn’t it? If that’s the case, I’m okay.’

Because Theorim will be in the tomorrow that unfolds, if only I can face that tomorrow….

The weather was particularly cloudy, and my reflection was clearly visible in the carriage window that night. I felt that my appearance had become much closer to the me in the dream I had when I was five years old. All that remained was to sneak into the temple and meet today’s Theorim.

Every time I went to bed, I was filled with anticipation. Soon Theorim would walk into the temple, put his hood around me, and take my hand and run with me across the market. The day we would have our first conversation was not far off. Swollen with anticipation, I waited and waited. Every time my reflection in the window glass resembled the me in the dream, I wanted to grow up as soon as possible and go to the tomorrow where he was.

And in my dream, he died.

At the entrance to the royal palace, next to the magnificent main gate, there was an empty waterway. It was a dried-up waterway where the gatekeepers usually spat out chewed tobacco and phlegm, and was filled with filth at the end of the year, with few days when water flowed through it. It was the dirtiest place outside the most splendid space, the royal palace.

A coffin was thrown into that narrow space. The cold coffin, made of cheap wood with protruding nail marks and without any treatment, did not even have a lid. However, it was very large. It was large enough to hold a young knight with warm, burning eyes.

I staggered towards the messy waterway. Numerous knights knelt around the rectangular coffin, located at the feet of others, in the lowest and dirtiest place. Some trembled with their hands gripping their scabbards, while others prayed with their faces wet with tears. But none of them dared to move the coffin to the ground or close the lid of the coffin.

No one stopped me as I approached the center of the formation, one step at a time. They only glared at my face with eyes filled with black sorrow. I understood their hatred. The young and promising heir of the Duke’s family, whom they served and who was their tomorrow, had been thrown away like garbage in the dirty ground, but I, who had come to see it, was dressed in white, clean, and immaculate attire.

But there was one fact that no one in the world, including them, knew. There was a secret that I had kept silent for a long time, rolling it around only in my mouth. That heir, who was their tomorrow, was also my tomorrow.

Even I, who knew nothing about poisons, could tell that he had been poisoned. His once vibrant skin had completely changed color, as his blood had been contaminated and turned purple. His blank eyes and open mouth symbolized the pain he had suffered until just before his death.

Slowly, I knelt down next to the waterway. I stretched out my arms and touched the coffin containing him. I tried to take his pale hand out of the dirty coffin, which dishonored the dead twice, and warm it with my meager body temperature.

But before I could even warm his cold hand with my meager body temperature, young servants and priests rushed towards me. He is not worthy of prayer… someone among them said to me. He is not worthy of sympathy, he is a traitor. Please, do not soil your knees….

‘But, but….’

I couldn’t even accurately reveal his innocence. Words filled with hundreds of emotions only writhed in my throat.

He, who had been abandoned at the feet of others, could not even close his eyes. As he died, without collecting his body, without closing the coffin lid, without burying him in the ground, without burning him, without letting him flow into the water, he was left there…. That was the way to punish a traitor. As an example to the head of the family who had committed treason, he was left to suffer eternally in the filth without even receiving the wages to leave this world.

Do I even have the right to grieve? I’ve already destroyed two families in this way with my own hands…. I don’t even have the right to shed tears comfortably. I was the one who issued false oracles, calling them Clay Tablets, even though I knew they were innocent. Everyone whose name I wrote down was miserably ruined. How is Theorim’s death any different from those…. It’s not different at all. His death was also nothing more than a false purge that occurred without his fault.

Perhaps all of this is due to my mistakes. No, it is clearly my fault. That is why the world is punishing me so terribly. It makes me aware of my mistakes, makes me shudder at my weakness, and points fingers at my pettiness. It scolds me for daring to desire a tomorrow after killing innocent people. It rebukes me for lying down incompetently and mistaking laziness for patience. It taunts me for wanting happiness without doing anything. Theorim’s heart was pierced by the fingers pointed at me. Even that is all my fault.

He boasted that he would become an adult, putting shoes on my feet. He boasted that he would become the head of the family. He blushed, saying that he would become a man who could marry. But as soon as he was officially blessed and became an adult, as soon as he became the lord who would be responsible for the Duke’s family, the world abandoned him. In order to break the momentum of the war hero, he was made a son who died before his parents.

With tearful eyes, I looked up at the royal palace. I thought in hatred that I wanted to burn this hellish castle down. I wished to destroy it all, smash it to pieces, and turn it into ashes. I prayed and doubted that I wanted to stab a knife into the throat of the lazy King, curse my Father’s smiling lips, and drown my Hyung hundreds and thousands of times.

‘What kind of tomorrow am I protecting?’

Unable to cry freely, sitting down expressionlessly, I stubbornly doubted.

‘Why in the world have I been enduring and persevering until now… for what?’

I opened my eyes. Strangely, my head was clear on this morning filled with sorrow. The sky seen through the circular window in the ceiling was blue enough to make me angry.

Feeling the morning air, I got out of bed. Leaving the young servant asleep on the small couch at my feet, I walked straight out of the room. Stepping on the cold stone floor of the temple, I moved without hesitation.

Leaving the temple, whose appearance was indistinguishable from a white birdcage, I walked straight along the castle walls. The gatekeepers guarding the main gate stepped aside in surprise, taking three or four steps back. Without any expression, forgetting even to blink, I stepped on the dirt road. The number of knights guarding the royal palace was excessively large, but no one stopped me. Rather, they bowed their heads deeply and prostrated themselves until their foreheads touched the ground. Wearing only a thin robe that revealed my skin and even the outline of my genitals, with my two wings exposed, I walked quickly.

Even inside the complex and vast royal palace, I knew exactly where to go. Through the shortcuts I had seen in my dreams countless times, I reached the King’s bedroom. Without asking for permission, without even knocking, I burst in, and the old King, sprawled on the bed, was surprised but very pleased to see me.

I hurried to his side as he hurriedly raised his waist. And I took his hand. The old and wrinkled King’s hand was warm. Now I didn’t want to stab a knife into his throat. The hatred that had been tearing at my heart was long gone. I only felt reluctant pity for the old King, who was being played by my Father’s schemes.

Soon, a tear ran down my cheek. He only stared at my lips with a nervous expression. He believed that there was a divine message that needed to be conveyed urgently, that the great Goddess’s will had led me here, and he had simply relied on me and blindly trusted me.

I said to the old and tired King.

“If you try to use your hands directly, your hands will be cut off, and if you try to move with words, you will become a puppet yourself. Send it far away to a place you cannot reach…. To a place you cannot touch or meet….”

The King bowed his head so that his crown was visible, staring blankly at me as I pieced together the words. Before I knew it, I was on his bed, and he was sitting at my feet. Instead of the pretty shoes that sparkled with gold, it was the old King’s hands that wrapped around my feet.

Holding my cold feet and rubbing them as if begging, he asked.

“Who… who are you talking about?”

“You probably already know.”

And I got up from my seat. That was all I could say. No matter how impatient I was, I shouldn’t give specific orders. In order to deceive the suspicious and troubled old King, I had to leave him with the illusion that he had deciphered the ambiguous oracle himself. That was the method Father had taught me.

Still, there was one thing I wanted to make clear, just one word. Just as my palate ached as if I were chewing on a knife blade, the King clung to me. Hugging my waist so tightly that the thin bedding was crumpled, he looked up at me.

With my wings and shoulders drooping, I reluctantly opened my mouth.

“Don’t let him become an adult.”

At that, the King frowned as if even more confused. He knelt even more upright, hoping for one more word of advice.

I stared down at his white hair. I reached out my trembling hand and placed it on his crown. And like a child, like stroking a small puppy, I stroked the old man’s hair.

“Even if there is a son, it is enough if he is not blessed. How can a child who has not become an adult inherit the family? Just… leave him alone.”

Hugging the King’s head, I bowed my head deeply. And I whispered.

“Let him wither and fade away quietly….”

So that Theorim and his beloved family can just live peacefully, go to a quiet land, and be happy for a long, long time….

Even after I took my hand away, the King held my waist for a long time. I swayed in place according to the strength of his arms.

It was the servants who had brought the King’s clothes who broke the silence and moved the clock hands. They burst open the door, and they all bowed their heads and apologized. The King hurriedly approached those who were clinging tightly to the floor. Then he picked up a red cloak and returned to me.

Smiling like a child, he put his cloak around my shoulders. It covered the thin clothes that revealed my skin up to my neck, and only then did I realize that I had walked all the way here in a state where my whole body was exposed.

As I blinked in embarrassment, the tears that had been welling up fell and wet my cheeks. The King kissed my forehead. And he whispered.

“Angel, torch, blessing. No one but you will know. How long… how long I have waited to hear those words….”

Trembling with crumpled cheeks, he was smiling. Tears gathered in the wrinkled, grooved corners of his eyes, making them glisten. His lips were also covered in saliva. Smiling and crying, he muttered.

“Thank you. Thank you….”

Wrapped in the thick cloak, I nodded. I cried for a long time, following him as he endlessly wiped away my tears.

Even this old and incompetent King was pitiful to me. The only friend he had left, after purging the ministers who followed him and were loyal to him twice already, was the Duke who had returned from the battlefield. He must have been worried that a third oracle, called the Clay Tablet, would fall on that Duke. Just because he was blind, would he be okay even after killing his own friend with his own hands? He was captivated by me, driven mad by my Father’s machinations, and moved without will…. He had no courage to break free on his own, and was only in a situation where he had to wait, clinging to a sliver of hope. That an oracle would fall saying that he didn’t have to harm his friend who had returned alive from the battlefield.

I pitied the King, and I hated the King. It was wrong for someone without courage, wisdom, or will to wear the crown. Yet I understood him. There was no other way but to understand him. Because for many days, I had been him in my dreams.

Staggering, I returned barefoot to the temple, where the priests were waiting for me in a line. As I walked into the middle of the stopped line, they grabbed, stroked, and caressed my hands, wrists, and forearms one by one. They firmly believed that the Goddess’s words had descended into my ears overnight, and they were stealing the divinity that was on me.

I was very exhausted. As soon as I returned to my room, I collapsed as if falling and couldn’t even move. Covered in the red cloak, I fell asleep.

And I met Theorim. With a color different from any tomorrow of him that I had seen, he was alive. He was a strong knight who had not grown up in the capital, had not been blessed, and had not been falsely accused of being a traitor.

Wearing a silver breastplate over a black tunic and a dark blue cloak, he was looking down at his feet. But I couldn’t properly see the scenery he was looking at. The scenery, which was just black and hazy, was a foreign land that I couldn’t keep up with with my knowledge.

Suddenly, he turned his head towards me. And he smiled. I smiled along with him. But he strode past me, passing through me.

Shocked as if hit by cold water, I turned around. He couldn’t see me and couldn’t touch me. He was only holding the hand of the kind Duchess, and embracing his Mother in his cloak. Snow fell on his black hair. As he whispered something, the Duchess smiled along with him. It was a beautiful sight of mother and son.

“Let’s go in now, you’ll catch a cold.”

He said. It was a thick and solid voice that had completely gone through puberty, with no trace of boyishness left.

Regardless of his dissuasion, the Duchess was engrossed in looking at the scenery. She seemed to be happily examining the world that was just black to me, and said with admiration.

“When I look at the shape of snowflakes, I can’t help but think that there must be someone who created this world. So it wouldn’t be surprising if there was an Angel who came to this land again.”

“Don’t even bring up that con artist’s story.”

Theorim spat out roughly, as if angry. At that, I stiffened my shoulders. It felt like someone had grated my crown with an ice grater.

“I’ve seen enough portraits painted by artists to be sick of them, but none of them were anything special. Even if everyone in the world believes in him, I don’t. The people of this land are the same. The words spewed out by that viper with his three-inch tongue will not reach the Rephaim. I won’t let it happen.”

Everything changed. The world around him no longer has a sunny courtyard. The sunny Duke’s castle became a pale snowfield. The peaceful knighthood was tormented by fierce expeditions. The cheerful young master who grew up in the capital and created a secret base in the middle of a dense forest was no more. His seat next to him, which was mine, was also gone.

Now, I am not in his world. There is no place for me next to him. There was no place for me in the land where he lived, or for the others who lived in that land. Even when I finally dreamed of him, I was an observer.

“Let’s stop and go in. Isn’t it the same boring snow we see every time?”

That word was so unfamiliar that it made me cry. I had never seen a snowy landscape in my life. I couldn’t understand what that scenery he was so tired of seeing was.

All I was left with was emptiness.

‘What should I look forward to now?’

There was nothing else. Tomorrow’s Theorim had transformed into a stranger who had never met me. Come to think of it, it was only natural. The only time we had faced each other in reality was that day when I had been the only one stealing glances at you. That was the only point of contact between us.

Yes, from the beginning, those days had been without substance. The one who made me dream, who made me laugh, all the reasons that made me live, the you I loved, had never existed in the first place.

Half-crazed, I spread my wings. It felt like my head had broken down from seeing crossed-over tomorrows twice in a row. Whether it was because of sadness or confusion, I struggled, trapped within tangled clock hands.

As soon as I woke up, I took flight without thinking. I wanted to run away… only that desire moved me. I didn’t even realize how many eyes were watching me, and I didn’t recognize the shadow of the young servant running after me, crying.

When I came to my senses, I was already in the sky. I flew until I was exhausted. I flapped my wings until I was out of strength, and I cut through the clouds until my face was completely wet. But this damned land was too vast. No matter how desperately I flew and flew, I couldn’t reach the horizon of this land.

After exhausting myself for half a day, I fell onto a deserted desert. I crashed, burying my face in a pile of sand, and lost consciousness. Faintly, a horizontal line made by my eyelashes appeared in the center of my narrowing vision. Beyond that line, far away, I saw knights gathering in the form of small dots. The knights riding horses after me, having fallen short of crossing the border, looked like monsters.

After that, there was no need to distinguish between dream and reality. Either way, it was the same nightmare. When I dreamed, I saw Theorim wiping a blood-soaked sword. The taste of the humiliation he savored made my mouth bitter. When I opened my eyes, I felt hands holding my fallen head. Someone said something to me, slumped and out of my mind, but I couldn’t hear it well. The magic being poured out to heal my wounded body buzzed, buzzed… like tinnitus, circling my ears.

When I regained consciousness, I was lying face down in a room without windows. Instinctively, I felt that something was wrong. A groan escaped through my teeth. I felt an unprecedented pressure, as if my shoulders would tear. What was attached to my back was no longer wings. Crushed by the weight, unable to stand up properly or walk on my own, it was a broken lump of meat.

I desperately tried to flap my wings. My two wings stuck to the floor and didn’t even twitch. Sweat poured down like rain. Tears welled up.

‘Why?’

Even when I fell from the sky, I hadn’t hit my wings on anything. I had no memory of receiving such extreme pain, where my bones hardened and my senses disappeared. I was bewildered by the unknown situation. I thought there was nothing left on this earth that could scare me, but I was wrong. Crushed by the weight of my two wings, which wouldn’t even budge no matter how hard I tried, I had to lie flat on the cold floor. I groped and crawled on the floor, trying to reach out even by supporting my limp wings with both arms. After continuing the meaningless struggle for a long time, I stamped my feet in place and wept.

Trapped in the black room for days, I was crushed under the weight of my wings. I couldn’t eat anything, and I couldn’t meet anyone. I couldn’t even sit up. All that filled my vision, accustomed to the darkness, were the wings crushing me and my two hands. The length of my white fingers and the shape of the bones protruding on the back of my hands were tearfully familiar.

I knew that I had become the me of that day I had long awaited. The tomorrow I had once stolen a glimpse of was today. The today that was now gone, Theorim had held my hand and ran through the bustling streets….

After crying until the skin around my eyes was raw, I gave up. There was no need to try to understand the situation anymore. When I dreamed, I saw Father with his white hair streaked with gray. The youngest child is the greatest gift of my life… he said. Ruining those wings was the best thing I ever did… he smiled, tilting his glass with a satisfied look. I should have done that sooner, I should have cut off all the nerves as soon as he was born…. In front of him, Hyung was sitting on the throne, chuckling.

If the three Clay Tablets in mythology existed, they were my family. My Father caused the King to lose his wife and all the people by his side. My Hyung tried to kill the King’s child and seize his place. The third Clay Tablet, who would help them lose their foundation, would be none other than me.

Ah, my Father knew me too well. He knew how to manipulate me, shake me, and break me. That’s why he locked me in a black room and didn’t even offer a word of appeasement. He seemed to have known from the start that all he had to do was break my two wings, and that would be enough to make me a weakling who would no longer have the will to escape. He knew better than I did that even after being trampled on like this, I couldn’t even bite my tongue out of my own will.

Only after my stomach was sunken and my limbs were emaciated did Father open the door that had confined me. It took four days of healing magic to restore my eyes, which had gone blind from the sudden exposure to bright light. New magic was needed for me, who couldn’t move, crushed by my massive wings.

After months of anxiety, the high-ranking mage removed my wings. To be precise, he hid them so that they couldn’t be seen or felt. He pitied me, who had turned pale with depression, and advised me.

“You will be able to bring out your wings when you desire it very earnestly. I have made it so that you can take them out and spread them with your own will.”

I wasn’t grateful for his kindness at all. Until the day I die, I will never want to see my broken wings. I will never, ever want to spread my wings with my own will.

The priests embraced me when I returned to the temple. Believing the mythological excuse Father had made up, they cherished and cared for me, who had ‘returned after hardship.’ Embraced by those who didn’t know me, I closed my eyes. I wanted to see Theorim. I missed him. I wanted to touch him, hear his voice, and hold him.

‘Why couldn’t I say I loved you even in my dreams?’

Not knowing that it would never happen anyway….

As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw the blades of scissors. With a ‘snip’ sound, my hair fell off. The servant gasped, swallowing her surprised breath. I stared blankly at her, frozen with scissors in one hand and the ends of my hair in the other, then sat up.

And I said.

“Take it and sell it. I’ll pretend I don’t know.”

“…I, I…. Angel….”

“You must have needed money for your sister’s medicine. Don’t worry, she’ll recover her health once she gets through this crisis.”

The servant seemed more frightened by my calm words. Her face brightened as if she was happy, but soon she was sweating profusely. Her freckled cheeks, which used to be soft, were no longer young. I was no longer the innocent little child of those days either.

“Instead, use that money to buy me a gift. Keep it a secret from everyone else.”

The servant, who seemed to be wondering whether to kneel and beg for forgiveness or start running away, put my hair in her pocket. Then, she cautiously asked, looking around.

“What… do you want?”

I was just calm even with her anxious words. So calm that I was almost dazed. Silently looking out the window, I simply said what I needed and desperately wanted the most.

“Get me a landscape painting of Rephaim.”

I don’t know how much my hair was worth. What was clear was that it was sold for much more than I thought. The next day, on her way back from running errands outside the temple, the servant brought me many gifts. She bought four paintings of other lands, not Rephaim, and hung them on the walls of the stuffy room, saying that she had contracted the painters who painted these paintings and sent them all to Rephaim. She added that I would be able to receive landscape paintings of that place within a month at the latest.

I stared silently at the unfamiliar landscape paintings that filled the pure white walls. The mountains, the fields, the sea… everything was completely unfamiliar. My feet would never touch any of those places in my life.

Still, I was satisfied. I was satisfied, hoping that one day I would hang the landscape painting of Rephaim that the painter would bring as a window on the wall, and that I would occasionally meet Theorim even in my dreams if I was lucky…. Even though it was a life without wings and without a tomorrow to look forward to, it was okay. Preserving Theorim’s life, who didn’t know me and hated me, in any form, was the only achievement of my life.

I envied him, dreaming of his dreams that I no longer walked with. All I wanted was his well-being.

To me, Father made a mistake for the first time in his life. He believed in me, who had completely surrendered at his feet, and easily judged that I, who had been miserably trampled and flattened, had no will at all. That was Father’s mistake. Thinking that there was no need to bother coming to the temple to train and monitor me, he had a servant send me a letter. Without even a trivial greeting asking how I was, there was a single sentence written on the letter paper. The name of the war hero, the words ‘third Clay Tablet,’ were all lumped together there.

“Haha….”

I laughed for a long time, clutching the letter with the fake oracle. Then, I became listless and dazed and lay down on the cold floor. It was nice that I could lie down comfortably in a starfish position since I didn’t have wings.

Stretching out my arms and staring silently at the letter, I crumpled it up into a ball. I put it in my mouth and chewed it until my jaw ached, swallowing it.

‘I have to die.’

I thought so, putting my hands on my bloated stomach. The time had come when I couldn’t even prolong this wretched life anymore… I thought. Killing Theorim’s Father in the name of the oracle, making him the son of a traitor and burying him alive, and bringing down the kind Duchess who appeared like a mirage in my dreams… yes, let’s die. Let’s just die.

After constantly worrying about how to kill myself, I decided to write a will first. I put paper on the cold floor and picked up a pen. I was strangely calm, sprawled out like trash in an alley after a festival. The purpose of writing with my will for the last time was not to accuse my Father, nor to blame the King’s incompetence, nor to leave any other meaning in this world.

My will was a letter. There was only one goal. To comfort Theorim, who was cultivating the barren Rephaim and looking for a spring that wouldn’t come…. To let him know that there was a reason for whatever happened to him, to confess that it was all for you. That was what I had been asking the Goddess for all my life, and what I had never heard even once. That in the end, you will understand everything. That everything happened with a purpose. That you just live as you, remain as you. That alone is enough….

As I poured out the emotions that had been festering in my heart for a long time, the result was very calm. I described the Duke’s castle I had seen at the age of five, and I wrote about the color of his horse’s mane. I talked about the dream of running through the market, and I expressed how radiant and innocent you were. From a single word we shared in a dream, a single smile, to the playful stubbornness of holding my hand and never letting go first, your very small parts made me live…. I confessed that I had been watching you for a long time, and that I had shamelessly liked you very much. You have never experienced it and do not remember it, but I said that you would be very embarrassed to receive this letter from me, but I was still very grateful. I let you know that I was so glad you were you.

When the long letter exceeded twelve pages, my arm trembled. I grabbed my trembling right hand with my left hand, and I left my last greeting on the thirteenth page. …I am someone who has only wished for your well-being all my life. It was okay if you didn’t like me, and it was okay if you lived a life without me. So I will pray for you from heaven….

‘I don’t deserve to go to heaven when I die….’

Please don’t be afraid because you will be able to protect the life you want….

The letter, crammed with things I wanted to say, was the heaviest paper in the world. I gathered them together, folded them twice, and put them in the most expensive envelope I had. I didn’t forget to write the names of the sender and recipient on the back. As I sealed it for the last time, the trembling in my hands didn’t stop. It wasn’t because I was sad, it was because I was tired.

With the fat envelope on my chest, I closed my eyes, exhausted. And I started the postponed worry again. How should I die? How should I die to satisfy everyone…

There were many priests who wanted my head, body, arms, legs, hands, and feet, so I had to die in a way that didn’t ruin anything if possible. But if I drowned in the water, my skin would swell and tear, and if I died burned, I would be ruined beyond recognition. If I died cut by a sword, the damage would be quite gruesome, and if I got medicine and ate it, there was a high probability that I would survive, so I was anxious.

‘What should I do….’

As I worried about how to die while preserving my body, even that became boring. As soon as I closed my fading eyes, I fell asleep as if I had fainted. I also thought that Theorim would appear in my last dream.

When I finally opened my eyes, the world was all white. Blinking my eyes, I moved my pupils from left to right. I could feel my body shaking along with the rattling floor, but my vision was still only white. Only after a long time did I realize that I was covering my entire face with a thick white cloth.

With a puzzled heart, I lifted the cloth covering my face. And, I saw Theorim. He was staring intently, very intently, at my two eyes….

He wasn’t an observer. I existed in the seat opposite him. He shook his pupils following me, and his pupils widened as if he was surprised. Then he turned his gaze out the window. I followed him and looked out the window.

The carriage carrying him and me was heading to an unfamiliar place. I saw a field with bluish flowers blooming, which I had stolen a glimpse of through landscape paintings. It was the mountains outside the capital, the world beyond.

Turning my head again, I looked at my whole body. First, I saw hands wearing pure white gloves. The white veil that flowed down my shoulders had white embroidery that was only noticeable if you looked closely. I also saw knees wearing pure white pants.

It was like a bridegroom wearing a formal dress. It was like I had gotten married to him….

“…….”

Even if I didn’t want to wake up from the dream, my eyes opened wide on their own. I looked up at the circular window that I was so tired of. When I turned my head sharply, I saw the landscape painting hanging on the wall. It was a picture of a wide field with blue flowers blooming.

I jumped up. The warm will envelope on my heart fell to the floor with a thud. Now that I looked at it again, the skill of sealing it with string and the handwriting in which I scribbled the names were extremely crude.

There was no time to think. It was a life I was going to die anyway. No matter what I did, no matter what I had to endure, I wasn’t afraid of the consequences the moment I decided to take my own life. To put it nicely, it was courage, and to put it badly, it was madness.

Swept away by an uncontrollable impulse, I looked for new parchment. I put ink on the tip of the quill and hurriedly moved the pen.

‘The new owner of Rephaim will marry someone who is not a person, someone who is not a man.’

Soon I rolled up the parchment and tied it more carefully than ever. As always, I tied the string in my own way, then wrapped it around a couple more times and added an extra knot. And I looked for the high priest. I handed him the new oracle directly with my two hands.

What have I done… I threw such self-reproach behind me. I was just happy. I was excited that there was still use for me. I was simply happy that there was something I could do for Theorim again.

However it happened, I was a Reincarnated Angel, the torch of the Gods. Father had completed me as such. As my spouse, Theorim would be whole. As long as I was useful, Father wouldn’t dare kill or harm him. Father wasn’t stupid enough to make his winged son, the greatest gift of his life, a single man. My honor was Father’s honor. He was a man who would do anything to protect his honor.

I was glad when Father, with a face full of anger, brought a high-ranking magician to the temple. I was smiling from ear to ear. His anger meant my escapade had worked.

Until the day the fake oracle I scribbled arrived in Rephaim, the decision of our marriage was passed to Theorim, and he expressed his consent, I met my family more often than ever. Father and Hyung took turns trying to appease me, persuade me, and scold me. Father attacked me with words, and Hyung used physical force.

Hyung shouted, telling me to call off the wedding now and confess that it was a fake oracle. He asked if I had sent the Duke’s family to Rephaim with this intention from the beginning, if I was trying to run away with them, and if Father would let me go. As he shouted, he grabbed my hair. He was fervent, but I was indifferent. To be honest, my body had changed to the point where it couldn’t feel any pain anymore.

Even as I fell, rolled, and suffered, I endured with a blank expression. Eventually, no scars would remain on my body. It went without saying how well the Marquisate’s high-ranking magician did his job. No matter how much I bled, broke, or lost consciousness, that damn old man fixed me right up.

What kept me going was only certainty. The certainty that I could leave the temple and stand by Theorim’s side. When I dreamed, I was looking up at the gray castle of Rephaim.

One thing that scared me was that the tomorrow my dreams showed was much closer than before. If I, as a child, saw my tomorrow 10 years later, now I was seeing what would happen in just ten days. I thought that one day, this supernatural power would wear out.

When that time came, this Angel act would be over. Then, people all over the world would carve up my body and divide it. Not only would my place disappear, but my existence would soon vanish. So, until then, I wanted to stay by the side of the one I loved.

After the angry Hyung left, unable to contain his anger, I slowly checked my body. The traces of broken ribs remained only as faint lumps. Other than that, there were no traces of violence.

And then the High Priest came to find me. It was because of Hyung, who was so impatient that he could no longer hide his hatred towards me. Because he expressed his anger like a fool, the priest worried about me with a very serious face.

“I’m fine.”

I quoted words I had often heard from Father.

“Miracles are always accompanied by asceticism.”

At that, the priest seemed greatly affected. He pondered in silence for a long time before opening his mouth.

“I’m sorry. For a moment, I doubted your intentions… Even though I knew you were someone who only listened to the words of the Goddess, not blood relatives or friends…”

Then, he shed tears of repentance. I was utterly dumbfounded in front of this person who suddenly started listing his regrets. The High Priest, who had fallen head over heels for my false oracle and flattering words, placed his hand on my head. Then, he blessed me with a quick whisper. It was a blessing that recognized me as a man, an adult who could marry and start a family.

“…Is there anything else I can do to help you?”

He asked, hugging my dry body tightly. I had seen the High Priest every day since I was very young, but this was the first time he had treated me like a grandchild. As he stroked my flattened shoulder blades and comforted me, I asked like an opportunist.

“Please hold a wedding on a day that no one knows, not even my parents or the King. A surprise, on a very early date.”

“Of course, that’s only natural. I mean, besides that… is there anything else you need?”

I was about to shake my head at the following question, but I stopped. There was definitely something that came to mind, something ‘needed’. Rather than something needed, it was closer to something I wanted…

“Shoes… please prepare a pair of shoes.”

Leaving the old High Priest’s embrace, I headed to the table. Piles of parchment scattered, with poorly drawn streaks of light, a few flowers, a thick envelope of a will that would never be delivered, and torn pages of books. What I found was an old picture. It was a picture I had drawn in the past, relying on candlelight to stay up all night, recalling my memories.

“Golden, very light shoes. Please make a pair of shoes for me.”

The worn-out picture was held in the High Priest’s two hands. He stared at the very detailed picture of the shoes for a long time, his lips twitching with a curious expression. Still, I was grateful that he didn’t ask any questions.

Early in the morning, five servants lined up to find me, along with the ceremonial robes. The thick, heavy, white veil signaled the end of my torment.

There were many servants who carefully adorned me with nervous faces, but only one of them shed tears. Taking the hand of the servant who had taken care of me since childhood, who was no longer young, I patted the back of her hand once.

Completely dressed in white with gold trim, and a red cord tied around my waist. At the end of the adornment, the shoes arrived. I slipped my feet into the golden shoes that had come from a vanished tomorrow to today. I fastened the gold thread that crossed over my instep and the straps that tightly fastened my ankles myself. Then, my mind calmed down a little.

Just before leaving the windowless room where I had been confined all my life and entering the wedding hall, the servant put the veil on my head. Then, she said carefully.

“Angel. The wings…”

Blinking my eyes, I made a small sound. Anyway, formality was important, and the role was important. Even though the High Priest had blessed me and recognized me as a man, and had created a place in the temple to hold the wedding, I was still a Reincarnated Angel.

As I hesitated for a moment, the servants straightened the clothes on my back. Their touch felt like they were sending me a signal. It was a form of clothing with a cut near the shoulder blades, so they were silently telling me not to worry and take out my two wings.

Swallowing hard, I spread my wings. I felt a very faint pain as my skin tore and my bones ached. I felt the white bones sprouting like branches, and soon I felt the feathers of the wings spreading wide like fireworks. But that was all. The ends of my two wings immediately dragged on the ground like lifeless cloak tails.

As always, only my longtime servant was embarrassed to see me not spreading my wings and arranging the feathers myself. The other servants exclaimed with pure admiration, reaching out their arms and quickly stroking my wings and neatly combing and arranging them. I deliberately straightened my back and pretended to accept their touch with dignity.

When the wedding started in the temple, I thought I would vomit from nervousness, but that didn’t happen. To be honest, I couldn’t see well. Since there was nothing to see, there was nothing to fear. Instinctively feeling Theorim’s presence next to me, I simply endured with my eyes lowered. Throughout the long time, my shoes cheered me on and comforted me.

As soon as the wedding was over, Theorim left my side. Instead of him, who had disappeared with long strides, the High Priest became my guide. He worried about me, making a voice that had aged before his face as he grew older. He said that he had informed the Duke’s family that the ceremony was over, but there was no reply from my Father. He hadn’t sent even a single common gift, let alone a penny or a spare set of clothes.

“I will get you a carriage. Take three horses.”

The priests were busy moving for me, who had nothing. I stood blankly in place, repeating Father’s warning. What he wanted to say was clear. ‘If you leave the house, you are nothing.’ If I left the shadow of the prestigious Marquisate he had cultivated, I would be a naked beggar. I had nothing to give to the Duke’s family, and I would only be a burden to anyone.

Before long, Theorim, who had left his seat, returned. His toes were visible in my narrow field of vision. He had taken off the white shoes that didn’t suit him and put on sturdy leather boots. I smiled secretly at that trivial change. I couldn’t confirm it because my vision was blocked by the veil, but he must have been wearing a comfortable tunic as a top and had also changed his pants to a casual style.

However, the moment his two feet stopped towards me, there was no longer a smile on my face. I could feel his gaze sweeping down my whole body through the cloth that covered my face. Looking at me standing there with nothing but ceremonial robes, he must be regretting the marriage by now. He would have expected at least a minimal gift and a couple of luggage carts loaded with spare clothes and jewelry, but I was a shabby groom with nothing but my body.

At that moment, I was glad there was a thick veil. Because I couldn’t show my face, which was red with shame. I was glad I was wearing sturdy white gloves. Because I couldn’t let my weak trembling fingertips be seen.

Thanks to the High Priest’s consideration, I was able to get at least one carriage to take me and him. To save my face, a servant even loaded a gift box on one side of the carriage.

After exchanging brief greetings with them, I got into the carriage. The day I left the temple had finally come to me, and my heart was shamelessly pounding.

And,

“Hah…!”

Theorim sighed deeply.

“……”

I lowered my head, keeping my mouth shut. After taking a deep breath filled with fatigue, he made a noise. The sound of cloth rustling as it was taken off, the sound of a wooden box lid rattling, and a burst of laughter… All the sounds he made made my nerves stand on end.

Afterwards, I had an unexpected conversation with him. I wanted to introduce myself first when I officially met Theorim, greet him with pleasure, and smile while looking straight into his eyes, but the situation I wanted was not even structured from the beginning. In front of the mature him, I felt like an unwanted child and talked about the procedures and rules for removing the veil.

And I immediately regretted it.

“In Rephaim, no one makes a living doing the trivial task of taking off other people’s clothes.”

His voice, filled with ridicule, was not kind at all. Of course, I didn’t deserve to hear his kind voice.

“It would be a waste of manpower to give you special treatment, so you’d better adapt as soon as possible. Don’t resent me. It was you who gave the oracle that you would live in my land as my spouse.”

My throat felt burning hot. Desperately hoping that the blush on my body wouldn’t show through the white cloth, I quickly replied.

“I don’t resent you.”

I took a deep breath, closing and opening my eyes tightly. Trying not to tremble, I took off the gloves that covered my hands. I quickly erased the expression that looked like I was about to cry. After hardening my facial muscles as expressionlessly as possible and swallowing hard several times, I lifted the veil.

‘Theo.’

I was the only one who was nervous and excited. My tomorrow, my Theo, had no interest in me. He glanced at my face with an indifferent gaze as if to check it, then immediately turned his gaze out the window.

Still, I liked him. This moment of meeting the adult him with my own eyes was just like a dream. I liked the tunic he wore that was no different from what I had expected, and the sturdy legs wrapped in comfortable pants that were spread out carelessly. The rough boots with dirt on the tips of his nose were also like him. Even if my reflection wasn’t in his deep eyes that reflected the scenery outside the window, I still liked it.

To reassure my tomorrow, who was grateful just for being alive and breathing, I recited the words I had prepared.

“Even if it’s the word of God, I know it must be difficult to decide to marry a man. So you can resent me as much as you want. I understand that it’s something worth resenting.”

I had long been prepared not to be disappointed even if I received a contemptuous gaze. I was confident that I could endure and endure any violence that came my way. I didn’t even know where this seemingly arrogant courage came from.

Theorim was my first love. He had been my tomorrow for a long time, and now he was my today. I admired him and loved him. My only wish was for him to be at peace… that was all. I wanted him to not be swayed by the schemes of schemers, not to be broken by the fate of having to collapse under the throne, and to stay in his place and live as himself wherever he was.

His gaze reached my face again. I quickly turned my gaze away, afraid that his obvious gaze would even read my emotions. I stared blankly at the scenery outside the window, silently enduring the gaze that stared at my shameless face as if questioning it.

After what felt like an eternity, the season outside the window changed. The green fields disappeared, and the awkwardly filled branches were no longer visible. Rocky mountains close to a wilderness appeared, and the air became noticeably colder.

Soon, the scenery I had stolen through the landscape painting unfolded outside the window. Looking at the gray rocky mountains and the frozen lakes, and the ice sparkling like crystals, I was secretly pleased. It seemed that I had finally arrived in Rephaim, the land where Theorim stayed.

And for the first time, I saw a monster. From where I was sitting, I could only see the shadows and the ends of the roots, but the existence of the giant tree moving with a thumping noise excited me. Ogres that would quickly multiply if left unguarded, wyvern packs that committed robbery by using their wicked brains, and treants that were still wandering around blankly due to magic cast a long time ago… All of them were in my dreams, things that Theorim had told me.

But the problem was not in my heart, but in my body. My body couldn’t easily endure the temperature of the chilly air and the cold that seeped in through the carriage windows. Knowing this, Father had sent me to this distant land with nothing but my body. If I couldn’t stand the cold and died of illness, the Duke’s family would be responsible for that death.

As my thoughts reached that point, my heart grew hot. I didn’t want to be swayed any longer by my Father and Hyung, who were always thinking of using me.

Since we were in the same carriage, it was difficult to hide my trembling body. Especially since Theorim had a good eye. Just as he had discovered the wound between my toes in the dream, he discovered my two hands trembling slightly. Even while frowning with dissatisfaction, he was kind. He opened the box at his feet and handed me a blanket.

As I covered myself with the blanket he gave me, the cold subsided.

“Did you not expect this much cold and decide to marry me?”

Theorim whipped me, as I repeated to myself that I had to endure.

“The nonsensical oracles you spout and real life are quite different. Life in Rephaim is reality.”

I was properly stimulated by the words he gave me as if urging me on. He was right about everything from A to Z. Now I was not in the tomorrow of my dreams. Today’s Theorim was reality to me. The cold that I was feeling for the first time in my life was also reality to me.

“Yes. Reality… that’s right.”

So I had to endure it somehow. Nodding repeatedly, I tried to regain my strength. I wanted to face Rephaim with my eyes wide open and live today here properly. I mustered my courage. I clenched my two fists hidden under the blanket. Then, I got a fever and fainted beautifully.

I don’t know anymore which one drives me crazier, today or tomorrow. When I live today, touching my skin, I endure by thinking about tomorrow, and when I dream of a numb tomorrow, I’m afraid of the today that will come. Maybe my head has broken down from alternately dipping my feet in fear and hope. That’s why I’m having these incomprehensible dreams…

A shoulder with dark skin is visible. The view is blurry and shaky. A lumpy arm, like a mass of stones, comes into view, and beads of sweat slide diagonally across a jagged scar that cuts across it. Bestial growls, the sound of flesh meeting and separating, and lascivious moans seem to melt my nerves. This is, well, that kind of dream I’ve had many times… except that I’m not just an observer, but a participant, legs spread beneath someone.

“Ah…”

My tear-soaked eyelashes are so heavy that it’s hard to open my eyes. My forehead, cheeks, neck, and back are damp with sweat. The other person is the same, covered in beads of sweat. He seems to pull back, then lunges forward more forcefully than before, his large body seeming to swallow me in many mouths. I try to steady my wobbling head and blink rapidly.

And Theorim is visible. His jet-black eyes are filled with burning vitality. His features are more pronounced due to his excitement. The wrinkles on his furrowed brow, the moans escaping his clenched teeth, the blush on his skin… it’s all him. He has covered me. Sweat, flesh, and breath are all mixed together, making it impossible to tell what is his and what is mine. Swaying aimlessly up and down.

It’s like… someone else’s tomorrow. The secret and intimate, clandestine contact doesn’t feel like my own at all. Not like my tomorrow…

“It must be a dream.”

I lift my hips along with him and squeeze my eyes shut. The tears that had welled up fall in drops. Hot streams of water flowed along my eyes.

If there’s one complaint I’ve long had, it’s that the seam connecting tomorrow and today is terribly unkind. Without any warning or hint, I’m back in today in the blink of an eye. I inwardly sigh and cautiously lift my eyelids. Then I see Theorim, who makes me most nervous and also puts me at ease.

He was sitting right next to the bed with his arms crossed. As soon as I saw his large figure, I was startled and closed my eyes again.

‘Why is he… sitting next to me like that?’

I tried to retrace my memories, but I couldn’t recall getting out of the carriage. Only a faint sensation remained of my consciousness fading and then blacking out. It meant that I had fainted before even arriving at Rephaim and hadn’t woken up once. And I had sex with Theorim in my dream.

“……”

How far does my shamelessness go? Afraid that someone might read my mind, or that the secret tomorrow I had stolen a glimpse of might somehow be revealed, I didn’t dare open my eyes.

Unlike me, whose breathing had become heavy, Theorim’s breathing was deep and even. After pretending to be asleep or unconscious for a long time, I cautiously opened my eyes a crack and glanced sideways. He hadn’t moved from his spot next to me. Listening closely, his breathing sounded very labored. He seemed to have fallen asleep sitting up.

Slowly turning my head, something wet fell next to my temple with a thud. It was a damp towel. Picking up the neatly folded towel, I found it was lukewarm. Only then did I notice the bedside table. Empty small medicine bottles were lined up on it, and tiny melted ice cubes floated in a water bowl. Right next to the bedside table was a one-person sofa, pathetically small for a large knight to rest on. The armrest of the sofa was barely visible, obscured by Theorim’s large arm.

He had his arms tightly crossed and his shoulders relaxed. Even in his defenseless state, the contours of his arms and calves were bulging with muscle. His head was tilted to the left, and his posture looked uncomfortable; he was, quite literally, exhausted and asleep.

He took care of me. It took me a long time to realize this simple fact. There have been many people who have washed, wiped, combed, and dressed me… but no one had ever nursed me. Even if I broke my shoulder, they would call a high-ranking mage, not wrap a bandage around it.

Fiddling with the towel that had absorbed the heat, I looked at Theorim. It was a rare opportunity for me to observe him, here with me today… unguarded. Afraid that he might feel a tickle from my obvious gaze, I very carefully glanced at him. And I inwardly sighed.

Traces of the harsh life in the North were etched all over his body. On his rolled-up sleeves, there were jagged scars I had never seen before. The skin on the back of his hands, where veins bulged, was dark from the winter cold. Purple calluses were embedded in each finger bone. The young master of the ducal family, like sunlight, was gone. He was a knight guarding the cold land.

Even so, I was busy searching for ‘Theo’ in him, the tomorrow I had long yearned for. He, who had sat beside me and nursed me until fatigue piled up on his face, was the Theo I knew. The way he furrowed his brow as if having a shallow dream, the dark eyebrows twitching as if displeased, the sturdy feeling given by his large chest rising and falling with each breath, were all just Theo. My Theo.

Lying on my side facing him, I placed the towel askew on my temple, where no fever remained. Having fully prepared to pretend to be asleep, I watched him. I wanted to press and smooth out his wrinkled brow, but I resisted. I wanted to take his hand, which was lying alone on his arm, but I had to be satisfied with imagining it.

For a moment, I was simply happy. I was even a little joyful. Watching the sleeping face of the sensitive knight was more interesting than anything I had ever done in my life. That was until I looked again at the two distinct jagged scars etched on his arm.

“……”

I knew what it looked like when sweat trickled down those scars. That was exactly what my tomorrow, which I had seen a little while ago, was like. I had to bring that false tomorrow into today. I had to go to the predetermined tomorrow, even if it was just to avoid getting lost.

‘As naturally as possible, in a way that doesn’t arouse suspicion….’

“You want to have sex with me. Is that what you’re saying?”

I’m doomed….

I didn’t know how to create a gentle and tender atmosphere. Far from knowing how to seduce him into bed like a flowing stream, I didn’t even know how to hold his hand. So, all that came out of my mouth were justifications like marriage contracts and wedding nights. I was mortified thinking about how I must look, spouting such stiff words. I must look like a shameless pervert trying to get into bed with him by using the oath we made before the Goddess as bait.

Sure enough, Theorim’s gaze slowly scanned my thick face and unattractive body. Under normal circumstances, it would be absolutely impossible for a man like him to pair up with someone like me. If there were a god of beauty, his form, color, and voice would surely be like his, whereas I was a weak creature that gets burned by the early summer sun. It would be the same even if I were wrapped in expensive and fancy wrapping paper; the insignificant substance would not change. Looking at my situation objectively made my face burn even more.

Still, I had to bring the dream into reality…. Because that was the only way I could help him with my meager abilities. If I followed the path without getting lost, I would learn about even more important things later on. When that time came, I would be able to give Theorim strength, and to do that….

‘…It won’t work. Mixing bodies with someone like me….’

Clutching the hem of my pajamas, I lowered my head. All my nerves were focused on Theorim. He stood stiffly on the cold floor, as if trying to avoid me sitting on the bed, and remained silent for a while. He let out a frustrated snort and raised his arm to massage his neck. Frankly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had turned around and vomited right away. Just imagining joining with me would be disgusting enough.

Just as despair was seeping into my heart like mold, he spoke.

“Okay… let’s do that.”

Startled, I raised my head and met his clear eyes. Unlike me, who was stammering and unable to form words, he was a resolute man.

“You happen to be in bed, and I was just about to go to sleep.”

He said,

“…Right now?”

I blankly asked back.

“Is there any reason why not? I’ll grant your wish and stay up all night with you.”

I should have been happy to get the answer I wanted, but I was bewildered.

‘That was today?’

When I was young, I used to see tomorrows that were years away. I saw things that would happen decades later, and I even saw days so far in the future that I couldn’t even deduce the circumstances. But now it was different. These days, my dreams only showed me tomorrows that weren’t too far off. The day I had just glimpsed was sometimes the next season, or a month later. The gap in time had gradually narrowed to the point where it was almost touching, and it seemed that it had finally shown me a date so close to me.

All I had was the ability to dream of tomorrow…. Someday, what would happen when the tomorrow in my dreams was no longer the future? On the day when my today completely caught up with tomorrow, if I could no longer dream of a meaningful tomorrow even when I closed my eyes…. I was a little afraid that I would become incompetent then. And I was anxious. While I was still of some use, I had to do anything for Theorim.

Theorim moved first, taking the place of me, whose movements were slower than my thoughts. He walked towards me, unbuckling his leather belt. The closer he got, the more his large stature exuded a sense of intimidation. Looking up at him, I tried to suppress my ragged breathing. All I could do was bring my hands together on my knees and just watch. I was nervous…. I was so nervous that I felt like my heart would burst.

The thick leather belt fell to the floor with a dull thud.

“Why? Can’t you take off your clothes yourself this time either? My noble Angel.”

I wasn’t offended by the mocking words. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have to throw a punch. With that attractive face and voice, no matter what insults he hurled, it wouldn’t be enough to ruin my mood.

“Hae-ah.”

Now that I was being so brazen, I cautiously offered the wish I had long held.

“I’d like you to call me Hae-ah… by my name.”

“……”

He tilted his head at my words. Then, instead of answering, he continued to move his hand on his waist. Just as I thought he was unbuttoning a couple of buttons, he took off his pants and underwear at the same time without warning. When his large, straight penis was completely revealed, I swallowed hard.

It was exactly the same as what I had seen in my dream. Of course, in the dream, it seemed to be a little bigger, more erect, and dirtier with fluids… The suspiciously large and straight thing… was an object that resembled its owner.

“Are you really a virgin back there?”

Theorim suddenly asked me. Embarrassingly, I didn’t know what that meant. It was a word I had never heard before. Judging from the context in which the word came out, it seemed to have a negative meaning. I wondered if he was asking if there was something wrong with me.

Not wanting to be caught as a defective product with many flaws, I quickly asked back.

“What does that mean?”

“Never mind, it’s nothing.”

Fortunately, Theorim didn’t pry into my problems any further.

‘…Is there something wrong with my body?’

Carefully, I took off the clothes that covered my skin. It was a body that was pathetically inferior to Theorim’s. Still, seeing that Father hadn’t fixed or modified any parts, it couldn’t be that there was anything particularly strange about it…. Even as I tried to think positively, worry gnawed at my insides. My cheeks felt like they were burning as I revealed my pale, unremarkable body.

While feeling a red shame, I was also swept up in a strange excitement. I wanted to bury my face in the pillowcase because I was embarrassed and ashamed, but at the same time, an inexplicable excitement filled me. Standing in front of the half-naked Theorim, I was also naked like a beast. Even though I didn’t want to, an embarrassing flutter was slowly rising in my heart. Blood rushed to my penis like a beast.

“Are you already excited?”

Sure enough, Theorim pointed out my attitude. My eyes stung at those words. I was too embarrassed to say anything.

With my head bowed, I looked down at my unattractive body. Everything, from my sunken abdomen to my pale skin, my skinny arms and thighs, was just pathetic. I almost wished someone would tear off my skin and completely ruin my pathetic shell.

He strode towards me. Instead of grabbing me and tearing me apart, he knelt on the bed. I felt the bed sink under his sudden heavy weight. Before I could slide towards him, I quickly moved my body. I crawled backwards towards the headboard.

Then, I suddenly came to my senses. This was not the time to lukewarmly rub my butt on the sheets. Now was the time to be brave. I couldn’t give Theorim, who had become my husband even if it was against his will, the worst night possible.

As I had seen in countless dreams, I tried to caress him. First, I slowly crawled towards him. Theorim looked down on me and casually took off his tunic. Like his lower body, his upper body was covered in muscles and boasted an attractive outline. It was a body that anyone would admire.

Stretching out my increasingly pathetic hand, I carefully touched his thing. The hot flesh was elastic and firm. The touch of the large and sturdy manhood was unexpectedly good. As I carefully cupped it in my palm and slowly stroked it, I even thought that I was enjoying it more than Theorim, the owner of the thing. It seemed like this was what the adults in my dreams had done, and it seemed like I was doing it right… but I had no idea if I was doing it well.

Soon, Theorim chuckled. It was a snort that shook my hair.

“Why… why are you laughing?”

When I raised my head, I saw Theorim covering his lower face with the back of his hand. His face, laughing at me, was surprisingly beautiful. His rough hand half-covered his face, making him feel like the sun hidden by clouds. Narrowing his eyes with a bright smile, he said.

“I just realized you really are a virgin.”

Soon, Theorim grabbed me and threw me down. From the moment I fell flat on the bed mattress, I couldn’t come to my senses. Before I could even catch my breath, he pounced on me. My thighs were grabbed by his large hands, and his thick waist settled between my legs. Even my shamefully erect penis was grabbed by his rough grip. The sensation of the skin of his palm gripping my penis was so shocking that I wanted to faint.

“Gasp…”

Soon, Theorim began to shake his hand. My penis, held in the hand of the man I had loved, cherished, and long respected, became stiff and engorged with blood. The rough and hard skin brushed against my extremely sensitive skin. The sensory feast made my vision go red. It felt like the unfamiliar stimulation was contracting my entire body.

“…Uh, uh…”

My legs moved involuntarily. As if annoyed by this, he grabbed my thigh with his remaining hand. Unable to resist the strong force, my legs spread wide apart. Gasping, I gritted my teeth. This was, definitely, like I was… voluntarily spreading my legs and wanting him, like I was seducing him to come in quickly….

My thoughts couldn’t continue properly. My lower abdomen tightened with the constant influx of stimulation. My feverish head spun.

“Ah, wa, wait… just a moment. I, I’m….”

I could feel my penis throbbing with excitement every time he moved his hand up and down. An unknown fluid oozed out from the tip of my penis.

‘Ugh….’

I screamed inwardly. I had no idea that the process of moving towards joining would be so beastly. No, I knew. I knew, but still, this was too strange. It felt like a hot, stinging desire was seething at the tip of my penis. My testicles felt heavy, and it felt like someone was squeezing the inside of my stomach. My heart felt like it was about to burst, and I couldn’t breathe. Something was definitely wrong. Strange, strange….

The sound of skin rubbing against skin began to be accompanied by a watery friction.

“…Ugh….”

I wanted to beg now. My face felt like it was burning. I didn’t even have time to compose my expression. My chest felt like it was about to burst with rapid breathing, and my gasping breaths were mixed with moans.

“Gasp, ah, ah…!”

In the tear-blurred vision, I could see an arm moving up and down. Blood vessels were bulging on his mechanically, rapidly shaking wrist. Theorim’s face, on the other hand, was expressionless. No, he seemed excited, tense, flushed… It was as if he was hardening his expression precisely because of that.

“…Ah, ah….”

My skin was reflected like a white stain in his dark eyes. Exhaling hot air, he readjusted my slippery thing. The stimulation from his palm was rough and hot. Just gripping it made my legs weak.

Again, he moved his hand.

“Hngh…!”

No, not now, not now…. My genitals ached as if they were burning. A strange, unfamiliar urge to urinate seized me. Whatever it was that was pooling like a stone inside me, I wanted to piss it out, resolve it, vomit it out. I felt like crying.

I placed my hands on Theorim’s chest and pushed him with all my might. Or rather, I tried to push him. I tried with all my strength to push him away, to separate him from me, to keep him from looking at me. But he didn’t budge. It was as if he were a rock, not a person.

After attempting a futile struggle, I grabbed his wrist.

“Let, go…. Please let go.”

My voice trembled terribly as I groaned.

From his red gums,

“Hoo….”

A bright red tongue appeared. The tip of his tongue, licking his dry lips and then disappearing, captivated my gaze.

As if he couldn’t hear my pleas, he repeatedly moved his hand quickly. He put his thumb on the tip of my penis, on the hole where the urine comes out, and rubbed it, and my vision blurred white and I couldn’t breathe. Cold sweat ran down my spine.

“Hk….”

My whole body tingled. Hot blood seemed to rush to my groin. I couldn’t understand what Theorim wanted. I suspected he wanted to break and ruin my humanity. Otherwise….

“…Heuk!”

My legs spasmed and stiffened. I felt like I was going to piss myself.

“Plea, please, ah, plea…se, ah…!”

No, no…. My eyes closed involuntarily. I struggled with all my might to protect my minimal dignity, but the more I did, the stronger the stimulation became, dyeing my head bright red. Even with my eyes closed, my vision was white and red. Sensations became colors and flashed.

“Ah, sob, sob…, hngh…!”

A single tear that had squeezed out slid down the bridge of my nose. At the same time, a sense of liberation came. My constricted genitals loosened, and the desire that had been blocked like a stone burst forth. My waist moved involuntarily. The moment I twitched my lower body like a dog in heat, I splattered something out of my penis. My throat narrowed at the pleasure I had never felt in my life.

“…Sob, …hic.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t bear to open my eyes and see what I had done. Even in the midst of that, a spasm came, and my muscles contracted. After twitching my body a couple of times, a couple more drops of liquid squirted out of the tip of my penis.

The strength in my stiff waist gradually loosened, and my chest rose and fell with rough breaths. Everything was overwhelmingly shocking. It was the first time I had felt such a sensation. I didn’t even know I could feel this way. It was neither itching nor pain nor anything else, something hard to describe….

“Ha….”

Theorim’s sigh landed on my body, sprawled out like a bug. I flinched. I was now a dog that had pissed in front of him. Soon, a sense of reality slapped my cheeks. My toes tingled with humiliation. It felt like my heart was rolling down a cliff.

I didn’t have the courage to open my eyes and look at him.

‘What do I do…. What do I do…?’

Soon, Theorim touched me. As he gathered my legs and turned them to one side, I tried to stifle my sobs. It seemed he was trying to get rid of me because I was dirty…. I was so ashamed that my ribs felt like they were burning.

And then something strange happened. A hand suddenly touched my buttocks, which were trying to shrink quietly like a dead bug. Startled, I opened my eyes and saw Theorim bringing his face to my cheek. I opened my mouth to say something, but he parted my dirty asshole.

“Ack…!”

A shrill sound mixed with the scream I let out in surprise. Theorim didn’t care about the sound I made. Rather, he spat on my ass with a ‘tuh’ sound.

‘He, he spat on me….’

I guess you can’t say anything when you’re too surprised. Dumbfounded, I could only stare at him and couldn’t do anything properly. I couldn’t show any reaction.

Come to think of it, it was strange. I thought it was pee because I had ejaculated something out of my penis, but what covered my body was a white, smelly fluid. Theorim’s expression was also different from what I had expected. There was no contempt on his face. As if he were absorbed in a breathless exercise, his broad shoulders were red with vigor.

Soon, he shoved his fingers into my hole.

“Heok…, heut.”

It didn’t hurt. It had been a long time since I had become unable to feel minor pain. The problem was shame. I should have expected it, but if I had known it would happen right away, I would have knelt down and begged for some time to wash myself clean, even if I had to put a brush inside my body….

Tears kept coming. When tomorrow morning came, Theorim would never want to see me again. I felt sorry for him for having to see such a dirty sight because he had responded to my pathetic request. Using the tears I shed in guilt as face wash, I scrubbed the strange fluid on my face.

Soon, I covered my face with both hands. I thought it would be easier for him not to see my face. It was clear that it would be more pleasant for him not to think about who I was, not to make eye contact with me.

As my vision darkened, all my senses became more sensitive. The movement of the thick fingers that had invaded my blocked asshole was felt too clearly. The distinct foreign object seemed to gauge the depth of my insides as it slowly pushed in, then retreated as it had come. Then it was put back in again.

“…Euk!”

A groan burst out in surprise. I pressed my lips tightly together and hunched my shoulders tightly. It felt strange. It wasn’t painful, but it felt like it was… it was strange. But I had to endure it.

‘Let’s endure it. I have to endure it….’

Again, he spat on my ass. He even poured saliva into me, almost touching my lips. My ass tightened involuntarily at the feeling of something soft touching me.

‘I think… his lips touched me….’

I just wanted to die….

“…Relax. Try to relax a little.”

As if his patience had reached its limit, Theorim commanded. I nodded repeatedly and adjusted my posture.

“Eut, euk…, yes. Yes.”

And I tried to relax as he said. Or rather, I tried to make an effort to do so.

‘…What does he want me to relax?’

The problem was that I had no idea how to try. As Theorim brought his fingers to my asshole again, I pressed my lips tightly together. As one of his fingers, I didn’t know if it was his index or middle finger, slowly pierced my ass, I tried to relax. Each time, my hole seemed to open a little and then contract again. It was as if it was chewing on his finger.

“It’s getting tighter?”

“…Hngh, eut….”

With half of my face buried in the sheet, I thought. Let’s just die….

“I’m, not good at it….”

If he told me how to do it, I would follow…. As I tried to continue speaking falteringly, a sigh landed on my shoulder. I didn’t know how many sighs it was already. I felt miserable that my existence kept making him suffer. I was a bad spouse who couldn’t make him laugh, but only made him sigh. I wasn’t even qualified to be a spouse.

And then suddenly, a strange sensation surged up my spine. It was the moment when the finger that had pierced my ass bent and moved.

“…….”

I almost screamed without realizing it. I clenched my teeth tightly and rolled my eyes busily under my tightly closed eyelids.

Before I could even get nervous, a certain stimulation surged in. Just like before, Theorim was pressing down on my insides. At the same time, my legs reflexively stretched out long and forward. A gasp also burst out.

“…Ah, uh….”

I opened my surprised eyes and looked back at him.

‘What was that just now? What did he do…?’

I couldn’t understand my body’s reaction. I couldn’t understand the identity of the sensation that was hard to describe. I was just bewildered.

Soon, Theorim’s hand grabbed my pelvis tightly. And he fixed and pressed down on my body so hard that the sheet crumpled. In embarrassment, I grabbed his wrist and tried to untie the knot. My sweaty hands only slipped and couldn’t shake him off.

I looked down at his arm moving on my buttocks. Again, the same sensation as before surged in even stronger.

“Ah!”

An uncontrollable groan burst out of my mouth. My lips parted involuntarily and my pulse throbbed in my neck. It wasn’t because of pain. I don’t feel pain well. This, this….

“Ah, ah…? Wai, wait a minute… heok, ah…sob!”

It had been so long since I had felt such a vivid sensation. It had been so long that I felt that the act of feeling something itself was distant. Maybe it was like the first time in my life.

With a creaking sound, Theorim moved his hand. The foreign object given by his thick fingers repeatedly stabbed and hit my insides.

“Ah, ah… sob, hngh…! Aagh….”

Each time, I couldn’t bear to hold back my groans. It was as if someone was forcibly opening my mouth and forcing me to pour out my emotions, to wallow in the full sensations and wail.

“Hngh, ah…, ah, aagh….”

While trying to remove Theorim’s hand on my pelvis, I blocked my groin with both hands. Then I grabbed my shameless flesh that was stiffly erect. It was because I wanted to feel pain instead. Such a… pure…. Such a pleasant pleasure had never been given to me in my life, and should not have been given. I would rather be in pain. I would rather….

And then there was a smack sound. My body shook greatly with a tingling sensation. Not because of the pain, but startled by the sound of being hit, I screamed and turned my head to see Theorim. His hand, which was grabbing my butt tightly, was bumpy to the fingers due to the bulging blood vessels. His shoulders were so red that they looked black, and the emotions on his excited face were fervent.

“Heok…, heok….”

Silently panting, I huddled my gathered legs even more. As it was, Theorim grabbed my ass and spread it open…. His gaze slowly went down. It was as if he was watching his own hand stabbing my asshole. I just looked at him in bewilderment and tears, and he frowned.

“Ha….”

Then he pulled back the finger that had been stabbing my ass.

If he hated having sex so much, he could have refused…. No, he must have felt that he didn’t even have the option to refuse. Seeing me pouncing on him to make our marital relationship clear, he must have accepted that I was using my power to put a noose around his neck. I felt like crying again.

And then suddenly, pleasure struck. He gathered several fingers and shoved them into my slowly closing ass. A large and strong foreign object like a fist dug into my ass.

“Ah… ah!”

I screamed at the stimulation that made my waist jump and my genitals tingle. The moaning sound didn’t sound like mine. It felt like my head was burning.

Panting roughly, Theorim shook his arm. Each time, my body was pushed up and then quickly pulled down. The same shaking was repeated over and over again. In my daze, I blocked my genitals even tighter. No…, no. Don’t feel it, don’t like it, you don’t deserve it….

“Ahheuk, hngh…!”

And I barely managed to say.

“I ha…te it…, I hate it!”

It was good. It was too good. That’s why I wanted to stop.

“Th, this is, ah, I hate it, stop, stop….”

Again, Theorim lightly slapped my ass. I had seen many nights of ‘Tomorrow’ when I was young, when excited adults would say mischievous things and slap their lover’s butt. Hot moans, buttocks with handprints, flesh that was crushed like beasts…. The scenes that came to mind in sequence turned my head red. I gasped and twisted my waist.

A pathetic plea was buried in sobs.

“H…euk, please….”

“…….”

“…Please, I’m, I’m sorry….”

I don’t want to do that. It’s dirty and vulgar enough now, but I can’t do anything more, I can’t become that kind of person in front of Theorim….

“I’m sorry…. Please….”

Not even that….

“…I ca, can’t do it anymore, euk, I’m sorry. I di, didn’t….”

I couldn’t even finish my words properly, and I squeezed my eyes shut. It was like crawling into the dark darkness on my own. Now all that was left for me was to wait for the appropriate punishment to be given.

Then the hand that had been clinging to my body left. In the silence, only a small sound of people could be heard.

“…Sob, hic….”

Swallowing my sobs, I curled up my body. I curled up as much as I could. I wanted to shrink my ugly body. If I could, I wanted to become a small speck of dust that wouldn’t even be visible in Theorim’s sight. I thought it was shameless of me to exist with my dirty body.

Between my legs, my shameless genitals were still stiff. The desire that I couldn’t vomit out was seething in my flesh. Beast…. I have now found a name that suits me. Dirty and vulgar, a beast….

Suddenly, a hard touch reached my ass. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel Theorim’s fingerprints. I flinched and curled up my body and held my breath. I had to prepare for the coming criticism. No matter what happens, I must never cry. Because Hyung said that my crying sounds disgusting. It’s better to lie flat and beg for forgiveness, and not resist or refuse. That’s how the end of the punishment comes quickly.

I owed Theorim a lot. I lured him in with words like marriage and couple, and then I threatened him to have a relationship, but now I’m falling down saying I can’t do it. It was funny how I looked. So I had to endure whatever criticism came. If it was the price for showing my shabby naked body and panting like a beast, whatever it was….

“I’m sorry.”

And Theorim apologized.

“I… got too excited. I got excited and pushed you.”

“…….”

That’s not true. …That was the first thought that came to my mind. I know it’s not true. This man… the man who is with me today is not the young master I knew back then. He’s not the man of tomorrow I was drawing. He’s not the man who was born and raised in the capital and will be thrown into the water as a corpse. It’s not true. He’s completely different. But why….

‘Why is he talking like my Theo?’

I burst into tears at the apology, not the punishment. There was no way to hold it back, and I had no intention of doing so. The tears that burst out in an instant soaked the pillowcase. My sobbing sounds, which hiccuped in the silence, occasionally revealed their presence. Theorim didn’t say anything until I shed tears until my eyes hurt, coughed a few times, and caught my breath. He was just watching me quietly and waiting.

I suppressed the urge to reach out and hug him. I had to steel myself several times before I could manage to put together my words.

“…I was, too… surprised.”

To my pathetic excuse,

“…Hmm.”

He made a humming sound. I apologized busily.

“I’m sorry. I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be…. I di…dn’t know what this kind of thing, this kind of feeling, would be like…. I really didn’t know…. I’m sorry….”

Finally, a long sigh was let out.

“Shall we stop?”

Covering his erect penis roughly with a thin blanket, Theorim tried to move away from me. I couldn’t let him leave like this. I couldn’t let him leave me and leave this room, which had come to be called ‘our bedroom’. I thought that I would never be able to win Theorim’s heart that way. I couldn’t even head towards the predetermined tomorrow. My emotions and reason all said the same thing. I couldn’t let him go now….

“No, let’s do it.”

I grabbed his arm with both hands. I begged and pleaded, pulling him closer and closer to me. As I did so, I said.

“…Let’s do it. I can do it. I have to do it.”

“Is sex that important?”

“Yes. It’s that… important. We’re married.”

Because that was us in the tomorrow I saw, because I had to make that tomorrow into today…. There couldn’t be any unexpected changes. If there were, our future would change, and reading new days was always confusing.

Unlike Father, my world is narrow. My knowledge is limited to the genres I’ve read and memorized according to Father’s orders, and my experience is on par with a mandrake in a flowerpot. Father can eliminate his nemesis and shake the throne with just a few tomorrows I tell him, but I don’t have that kind of intelligence. With my dull mind, all I could do was follow the predetermined tomorrow, watching out for cliffs at the end of this road. Even that was overwhelming.

The mind, suffocated by unfamiliar pleasure, gradually awakened. Theorim approached me as I composed my wet breaths. Being kind was in his nature. He responded to my capricious requests, and he placed his hand on my waist. He moved my body like a doll, laying me down properly.

I strained my eyes. If I let my guard down, tears would stream down. I felt like I was about to cry any second. Because Theorim’s touch, which felt foreign to me, was so familiar….

I tried to obediently follow his lead. He laid me down like a baby, then lifted both my legs high. He even placed them on his shoulders. As I tried to put strength into my legs to relieve the weight, a tsk… sound of disapproval returned.

“Stay still. You’re not heavy at all.”

“…Yes.”

With my pale and thin legs draped over him, his skin looked even darker and firmer. He was a big man, with everything about him thick and long. The same went for his genitals. As he aligned his member between my buttocks, I thought I heard a ‘thud.’

“……”

Feeling my face flush, I obediently relaxed my body. He held up my lower body as if embracing it, then with a serious face, he aligned his genitals with my rear. Soon, I felt the explicit pressure of a fleshy mass pressing against my rear. It was a careful and deliberate movement.

“Hoo….”

Exhaling hot breath, he moved his wrist. I stared, mesmerized, as he gripped his member and moved it up and down, masturbating. The smooth, large, moist, and hot thing repeatedly touched my rear.

I bit my lip, trying again to relax. Of course, it didn’t work well. No matter how hard I tried, my anus only repeatedly opened and closed. Each time, the tip of his genitals pushed into my rear, seeming like it would enter the hole, only to slip away.

I was tense and frustrated. It was strange that Theorim didn’t just push it in hard. He was a strong and powerful man, so he could rape me as much as he wanted if he wanted to. …No. As long as I wanted it, it was consensual. Whether it was a penis, a fist, or a blade stabbing into my belly, Theorim could never rape me. Because I wanted him to death. So, it was okay even if my tight anus was torn.

Suddenly, a hot pillar of flesh slipped and revealed itself. The thick member, which had been hovering over the narrow hole, now stood firmly between my legs. The explicit sight made my mouth drop open. His member was large and hot, and glistening red with sweat or some other clear liquid.

“……”

“……”

Theorim looked just as surprised. Both he and I, without either one acting first, had red necks. Honestly, this… it doesn’t seem to be just my problem. Something that big… wouldn’t it be hard for anyone, not just me, to accept it without being torn?

Hoo… Taking a deep breath, I stretched my arms back. And I took an awkward posture. I grabbed my buttocks with both hands, spreading them apart to make insertion a little easier. I don’t know what ‘anal virginity’ means, but right now, I didn’t care if he thought of me as a male prostitute. I just hoped that the tomorrow I saw would be today.

Embarrassingly, Theorim didn’t move right away. I was waiting, holding my buttocks open with my own hands, but he just stared blankly at me. It seemed like the rigid and inflexible him was flustered because of me. Could it be that he doesn’t know what this act means…?

I was getting impatient. My cheeks were burning as if they were numb.

“…Th-Th…”

I opened my mouth, anxious with shame. But I didn’t know what to say. Should I beg him to just fuck me? Should I persuade him that it’s okay if my rear is torn, that it’s okay to be rough? Wouldn’t saying such things make him lose his arousal…?

But the worry didn’t last long. Before I could even form a sentence, he suddenly moved. My anus, which I had spread as wide and hard as possible, seemed to be completely blocked, then stretched taut. Through that gap, his member charged in.

“…Hoo.”

His frowning expression and hot, long breaths didn’t reach me. As if absorbed in the act itself, his eyes became loose, his jaw tightened, and he moved slowly. Just as he seemed to be about to insert the tip of his thick member into me, it suddenly slid in, pushing in the thick, smooth shaft.

“Haa….”

And Theorim groaned. I don’t know what it feels like to thrust a penis into someone else’s body. While my body felt like it was being torn in two, I diligently observed his expression. It was good to see him slowly closing his eyes, clenching his teeth to suppress his groans, and exhaling hot breaths. It was exactly the appearance I had seen in my dream.

Soon, he began to move his waist back and forth. With his penis inserted into my anus, I swayed up and down with him. Each time he pulled his body back and then pushed it forward again, the volume filling me grew larger. It kept coming in, coming in more, coming in even more. There was no end to the joining.

I was dazed. Light flashed before my eyes. There was no need to find the spot that made me feel good by bending my fingers anymore. His member was too big. No matter how he moved, he repeatedly pressed, squeezed, and rubbed against my, driving me crazy.

“Heok…, heueu….”

All the sensations I felt as I merged with him made me feel alive. Pure pleasure paralyzed my reason. Worries and fears about tomorrow disappeared. I just, he…. I wanted him. I loved him.

“Eut.”

With a short groan, Theorim plunged violently into me. The rough impact made the organs in my stomach churn. My back naturally jerked up. The back of my head slammed against the sheet, and my upper abdomen was dangling in the air. My toes curled and I gasped for breath. It felt like his thick member would pierce through my belly. I was afraid I would cough up my heart.

“…Keuk, euk….”

I didn’t know how to make proper, decent groans. I was just busy enduring the shock that came with a gurgling sound in my throat.

Theorim’s hand grabbed my waist tightly. His hot breath touched my skin. His satisfied groans made me happy.

There was nothing I could do. Theorim pulled my waist close to his groin, and he shook his arms. Captured by his two hands, I continued to dangle like a doll. As he pulled me down, I received his penis so that my belly would be pierced, and as he pushed me up, I was pushed back so that my head hit the sheet, and my thighs trembled.

Each time, the groans that burst out of my mouth felt foreign, as if they belonged to someone else.

“Ah, ah…!”

I ejaculated impatiently. Just like before, I released the desire that filled my penis. The sense of liberation at that moment was an indescribable comfort. It was good, Theorim…. The pleasure he gave me was just good. I was happy.

He didn’t leave me alone, collapsed and panting. His hot hand gripped my waist tightly as if it would burst, and he pulled me close to his groin again. My sweat-soaked body slid down, and my lower abdomen bulged out.

“Ah, at, aeuk!”

“Heoeok, heok…!”

White fluid kept spurting from the tip of his penis. I squirmed, twisting my waist, and then contracting my lower abdomen again, I ejaculated white liquid. What was spat out of my penis flowed directly onto my belly. The sound of flesh hitting flesh, cheolseok, cheolseok… sounded like hitting meat. Every time Theorim shook his waist and thrust his member into me, white stuff kept being spat out of my penis.

“Ah… ah….”

My vision blurred white. I groaned mindlessly and cried. I desperately tried to hold back from saying out loud that I liked it, that it was good. That was all I could do. The sound of flesh hitting flesh, the sound of panting, the sound of groaning that sounded like crying, filled the room.

Our bedroom was no longer cold. The hot breaths and the body heat emanating from our flesh seemed to have chased away the winter.

Just before I lost the strength to hold up my neck and went crazy, Theorim roughly penetrated me deeply, even deeper. I felt his testicles touching my buttocks. I saw my belly bulging out in my field of vision.

And he groaned. A thick, low voice burst out like an animal’s growl. I trembled my thighs and brought my knees together. I felt hot liquid flowing out of my buttocks in several bursts.

Feeling the liquid flowing down my back, I knew that Theorim liked this act just as much as I did. I was sure that I had given him a piece of intense pleasure.

“Heok, heoeok….”

Sweatdrops falling from his chin wet my skin.

‘I want to die like this.’

I was happy. I was scared because I was happy. As he embraced and enjoyed my body, as he shared the most animalistic senses, like lovers, like a real couple, as he groaned while relieving his sexual desire, I wanted to die. I didn’t know how to resolve the overwhelming emotions. An affection that I couldn’t vomit or digest filled me. Tears welled up again.

I raised both arms to cover my face and muffled my breath. Crying silently was one of the few talents I had. As it was, I waited for Theorim to leave me. Now that he was done, I hoped he would no longer have any interest in me, ask no questions, and leave me to wash my dirty body. I wanted him to pull out the penis that had filled my belly and abandon me.

But he was always him. He grabbed my wrist and pushed it down, and he insisted on looking at my face, which was a mess with tears,

“Why are you crying?”

The one who asked that was my Theo.

Soon, his right palm was placed on my left chest. The careful and heavy hand felt like it was gripping my heart.

All I had asked for was a marital relationship, not his affection. I never dared to hope that he would silently comfort me and stay by my side while I cried.

“Hae-ah.”

He called me. Not the noble Angel, not the Torch of the Gods, not the many grandiose titles that sounded like mockery, but just Hae-ah…. He called me Hae-ah. He carefully laid down my naked and limp legs, placed a cushion under my numb waist, and comforted me. He moved his waist, making a sound from the wet and tangled joint, and poked me inside with his still hard member.

“Keuk….”

I started crying again at the playful movement. How could I endure without crying? The one in front of me is my Theo. If he just calls me ‘Hae-ah,’ Hae-ah, I also turn into a young boy of his age….

“Why are you crying?”

He asked, half embarrassed, half amused. At that moment, he was a brilliant boy. My first love, my tomorrow, my Theo.

“Theo.”

Unable to resist the impulse rising from my chest, I lifted my head sharply. And I grabbed his cheeks and left a clumsy kiss. The moment my lips touched his, I no longer wanted to die. Rather, I was grateful to be alive. I was happy to be able to feel all these sensations vividly.

“…Why, you.”

He made me live, the one who chuckled in embarrassment. The lovely one who licked my tear-soaked lips while busily examining my eyes with a bewildered face….

Only Theorim made me live.

Every time he swings his sword, red blood scatters in the air. The blood droplets, permeated by the soft winter sunlight, are the purest red in the world. Without even realizing that his arm has been torn, the man deflects the incoming arrows. The sword blade cuts through the air with a ‘clang,’ and broken arrows fall at his feet.

Several other men shout at him. Some shout for him, some shout to trample him, but the content is all the same. Abandon the corpse and surrender.

Blinking my dull eyes, I frantically examine him. No matter how much I stretch my neck, all I can see is his back. With his large body wrapped in a cloak that is dark with blood, he has his black head bowed.

Outside his cloak, two unfamiliar feet that are not his are sticking out. The limp feet are twisted at different angles. They were traces of being dragged around here and there while being embraced by a madman.

I strained my gritty eyes wide. And I crawled towards him. Put down the body of the traitor… Someone’s shout tears my eardrums. Please make a wise choice… Someone pleads sadly, making me want to cry too. Crawling, moving my heavy legs, I approached the man who was hugging the corpse. And I grabbed and pulled on the hem of his cloak.

As if sensing my clinging touch, he moved his head. He silently lowered his head and made eye contact with me. Pink tears flowed down his cheeks. His black eyes had long been empty. The stream of clear blood mixed with tears, flowing out of his eyes, nose, and mouth, was all pink. He is empty, as if the sky has fallen and he has lost all reason to live.

He was the one who clung to his Father, who was vomiting poison while coughing up blood. He was the one who wouldn’t let go of the corpse whose heart had stopped and whose soul had left, and who ran away to prevent his once heroic Father from being put in a shabby coffin. He was the one facing the saddest and most heartbreaking moment of his life. Even that appearance was lovely to me.

“…Theo….”

The moment I called him as if groaning, black hands touched my body. Hands stuck to me, covering my arms, sides, and calves, and separated me from Theorim. I struggled, flailing my limbs, trying to return to Theo. But it was not enough to overcome the strength of several knights.

As soon as I was completely separated, rough blades surrounded Theorim as if they had been waiting. Compared to me, who was struggling and resisting meaninglessly, the knights were all quick and strong. That’s because they have a reason to move. They came running under the orders of the highest person on this land, the King, so there is no delay in their actions. The traitor must be punished. The same goes for the obstructors. Even if it is a young son hugging his poisoned Father and wandering around….

This tragedy must be a nightmare.

‘Why?’

All I have to do is find a way to avoid this tomorrow.

‘What am I doing wrong that this is happening?’

I opened my eyes. I looked up at the low ceiling. There was no white ceiling that drove me crazy, no window that was open to the sky as if mocking me. Only the conical ceiling of the canopy bed was visible.

“……”

It took a moment to regain a sense of reality. After blinking my frozen eyes several times, I turned my head to the left. Immediately, a dark navy curtain blocked my view. When I lived in the temple, the canopy of my bed was just a luxurious decoration. The curtains embroidered with gold thread were so thin that you could see through them. Even then, I couldn’t put them up as I pleased because I couldn’t be out of the servant’s sight.

However, here in Rephaim, everything is practical. The thick curtains of the bed firmly blocked the drafts seeping into the room. Every night, I drew all the curtains, and that alone made the space above the mattress feel like a small, independent room. Inside that room, I lay side by side with Theorim.

Gazing at the sleeping figure beside me, I wiped away tears. I raised my hand and rubbed my eyes, the teardrops wetting and flowing between my fingers. I must have cried a lot in my dreams. At times like this, I was grateful for my habit of crying silently. That way, I wouldn’t disturb Theorim’s peaceful sleep with trivial sniffling noises.

My arms and legs felt slightly numb. Even the fingers wiping away tears moved sluggishly. I thought I must be getting a fever and slowly raised my upper body. Thankfully, after carefully examining the blanket, there were no bloodstains.

Because I had become desensitized to pain, I often found myself with scratches without even realizing it. I had assumed that my flesh would have been torn from accommodating such a large… member, but it wasn’t. There were no bloodstains, and all the bedding was fluffy and clean. Not even a drop of sweat or bodily fluid was left. A servant must have come while I was passed out. Considering Theorim’s personality, there was a high possibility that he had tidied up himself.

“…….”

Yes, this is my today. There are no problems today. Everything is just too good. Last night, I mingled bodies with Theorim, and I learned for the first time what sexual intercourse was like. It was a happiness too precious to forget in a haze of sleepiness.

Through the gap in the bed curtains, I surveyed the scene in the room. The chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the gray walls with frozen candle wax, and the frosted windows existed in my today. Once again, I crisscrossed the canopy curtains to seal them tightly against the wind, then I lay down on the bed. I lay there facing Theorim, quietly studying his face. Without bloodshot tears, desperate moans, or an expression surrounded by emptiness, my tomorrow was healthy and beautiful….

I must protect my tomorrow.

An incident that came upon others unexpectedly was a long-awaited crossroads for me. The moment the order for departure with my name on it arrived at the Duke’s castle, I quickly racked my brain.

The first thing that came to mind was the King, clinging to my waist, shedding tears and snot. The King who would smile, his wrinkles deepening, when I stroked his white hair like a puppy. While distrusting and pitying him, I firmly believed in his affection for me. Therefore, when conveying this royal command that put me in such a predicament, Father’s influence, ensuring my safety, must have been considerable.

Even the diligent sun had not yet risen, and the dawn sky was dim. Still, the knights were busy preparing to depart. The sound of them moving with their armor, scabbards, and horse saddles echoed up to Theorim’s and my marital bedroom. But the only one in our bedroom was me. This was because my husband, Theorim, was the one who finished preparing for the expedition before anyone else.

My breath quickened with tension. Instead of succumbing to anxious feelings, I bit my lip and looked out the window.

‘Which path should I take from here? Which path should I choose?’

The only thought that impulsively arose was that I had to hold onto him, to prevent him from leaving my side like this. I was deeply disturbed by Father’s scheme to send him away arbitrarily, invoking my name. I was afraid that what awaited Theorim after the expedition was a trap set by my Father.

But on the other hand, I remembered tomorrow. Tomorrow, when tragedy would strike, Theorim would be by his Father’s side. So, I had to think the other way around. On the day the knights from the royal castle presented a poisoned cup to the Duke, Theorim must not be in this castle.

Only then did I think I understood my Father’s intentions. He wanted to eradicate all obstacles in his path. Yet, he seemed to hope that Theorim would not die, implicated in it. Because to him today, Theorim was not just the Duke’s troublesome heir, but the husband of the Reincarnated Angel.

I was the most useful piece among the cards Father held. Meaning I was worth exploiting until my skin wore out and my heart rotted. If Theorim died, my honor would be tarnished. If I became single, a sorrowful person who had lost her spouse, it would mar my sacred legend. Therefore, Theorim must not be involved in the search for traitors. He seemed to be trying to drive him out of the territory so that he would not even be in Rephaim the moment the royal knights arrived.

Clutching the window frame, I looked down at my feet. The Duke’s castle, which had been full of the energy of spring, was gone. The landscape of Rephaim was all white and black. Only winter filled the rough and barren land. Still, I liked this scenery. It was the territory that Theorim had protected, refined, and created. He had cared for Rephaim like a child, waiting for the day he would be formally blessed and become the lord. He wanted to live in this land, in this castle, serving his Father and cherishing his Mother for the rest of his life.

Bringing my gaze, which had been far away, closer, I saw Theorim below. His face, patting the neck of a black horse, looked small. His lips moved as if he were telling the animal a story. Soon, he leaped onto the horse’s saddle.

He was an outstanding and intelligent knight, so he knew how to sense even a gaze. As soon as my gaze reached the top of his head, he quickly looked up. From a distance, his and my eyes met.

Don’t go, I wanted to shake my head. I wanted to tell him that if he left now, he would never again be able to meet the Father he respected so much. I wanted to tell him that tragedy would visit this castle while he was away, that he would become a son who could not be there at his Father’s deathbed….

I knew what choice Theorim would make if I opened the window and shouted out loud, making such accusations. The Theorim I knew would spend the remaining few peaceful days for his family. Instead of running away, he would reorganize the loyal knights and more actively fight, welcoming the royal command and the royal knights that would soon arrive. Not caring whether that appearance made him look like a traitor involved in treason….

A cracking sound came from my hand clutching the window frame. One of the fingernails embedded in the wooden frame lifted up. A faint trace of blood drew a line on my fingertip.

‘I can’t do that….’

Trembling for a moment, I tried to look expressionless.

‘You are the most important thing to me…. The only thing I care about is you.’

But no tomorrow allows him to be by my side. The tomorrow that will not accept that innocent and steadfast man tells me to send him far away. It prevents him from being there at his Father’s deathbed, and it forces him to become an innocent victim, not involved in any criminal activity. It forces him to survive only by pounding his chest in injustice and shedding tears of blood for being unfilial.

Nod.

I moved my head up and down. Then a small light entered his face. With a gesture more filled with conviction than before, he urged the horse on. Starting with his black horse, the knights began to move. The group clad in armor stretching out long felt like Theorim’s tail. Watching his strong and busy rear, I suddenly felt lonely.

Come to think of it, I had never once seen his face smiling with joy as he looked at me. I really wanted to see a proper smile, not a sneer or a wry smile. I just wondered if there would ever be a time in the days ahead, other than now, when he would smile at me even once….

But I also know. All that is given to me is cold contempt.

“Why did you choose me? Answer me.”

Theorim asks. His breath was so warm that steam flowed from his mouth. I hesitated and avoided him. Moving away from his unconscious Mother, I showed that my two hands were empty.

My situation was much better than Theorim’s. I didn’t ride a horse, deceived by lies like him, I didn’t lose my Father unjustly, and I wasn’t overwhelmed with grief without understanding the situation I was facing. I even had the emotional capacity to pity him. My heart just ached at his desperate face.

“Do you really hear the words of God? Did God really tell you to marry me?”

My hands and feet went numb at the sudden suspicion. It was the moment when a tomorrow I didn’t know, a tomorrow I had never seen, rushed in.

I knew that he would be surprised if he returned from the unnecessary expedition and saw the tragedy that had befallen Rephaim. I guessed that he would be flustered, sad, and angry. Perhaps that anger would bounce back at me. After all, I was the youngest son of the Marquis family, and the culprit who had made the current King a fool…. I was prepared to take any responsibility for that. If Theorim could only live, I would gladly be punished a thousand or ten thousand times.

Nevertheless, Theorim’s suspicion was somewhat strange. It was excessively heated and fervent. I was flustered by his urgency to interrogate me before he could even control his grief and understand the situation. There were things I had to tell him when he returned. There was the envelope of letters hidden in the gift box, trampled on by white shoes. I was going to give Theorim the will I had written on the day I had decided to die. I was going to clearly reveal who I was, calmly soothe and calm him down, ask him about his future plans, and tell him that I would be with him no matter what choice he made. That was my plan.

But my body didn’t move as I had planned. I had to give an explanation for his sudden suspicion. But no words came out. I was suffocated just by facing his angry eyes, aiming a sword at me. The memory of violence completely dominated me.

I took a step back. Compared to me, who could only give a proper answer by cowering like a bug, Theorim was direct. The words he spat out completely tore apart my reason. I was beside myself with the sounds he made, the accusations mixed with misunderstandings, and the unrestrained reproaches. In that moment of terror, I wished someone would help me.

I needed a solution…. I needed an escape. I wanted to run away more than ever. I wanted to get out of this place. I wanted to escape.

Suddenly, a bright light shone in Theorim’s black pupils, which contained me. He gaped blankly. His voice came out a beat late, like a pebble falling.

“Yes…, you must have achieved everything you wanted now.”

With both wings spread out, I froze. Theorim smiled at me for impulsively taking out a useless tool. It was a smile filled with emptiness. His smiling face, which I had so wanted to see, was wet with clear tears.

“It would be enough to fly away to where you were, wouldn’t it? Isn’t that right? There’s no need to stay in this cold territory, no reason to pretend to be a good man by my side.”

He laughed while crying. He acted as if he didn’t even know he was crying, shedding tears until his neck was completely soaked.

“Why don’t you just go back to the sky?”

He was driving me crazy. I would have done anything if I could only stop those tears. I wanted to spill out any secret.

“Calm down, please…. I’ll tell you everything as it is.”

So I trembled and confessed.

“The reason I…, the reason I married you… is because it was a fake oracle I made up.”

I didn’t need time to realize that I had made the worst mistake. The moment I was pushed by a rough hand and my body was thrown over the terrace railing, I immediately regretted it. As always, my regret is too late to be of any use.

I’m not upset even if I’m misunderstood. I know better than anyone that there are circumstances that justify it. Haven’t I lived my whole life understanding and forgiving bad people? Compared to them, understanding Theo, him, is even easy.

It’s just that it hurts so much I could die.

The whole world is twisted. Screams overflowed from everywhere, up, down, left, and right. When misfortune strikes, women and children cry the most. There are women who embrace the sorrows of others and weep twice as much, and there are children who suffer senseless pain because they are the most ignorant and the most innocent.

The saddest place in the royal castle is not the bedroom of the beheaded King, nor the throne that has lost its master. It is the deep, dark, and narrow passage that the servants used to come and go so as not to mar the splendid and luxurious corridors. The most unhappy and sorrowful woman is hiding there. Embracing her swollen belly, carrying a child whose father’s name she cannot reveal to anyone, she wept and wept endlessly. Only after no more tears were left and the footsteps of the unidentified knights had faded away could she barely lift her head.

All that she, a woman with brown hair tied up and as tall as many men, has to hide is her swollen belly. The fear that had terrified her had left with her tears. After making and unmaking a fist with her trembling hand for a long time, she quietly slipped into the room used by the maids. There, she found a coat to hide her swollen belly, draped it over her shoulders, and pulled the hood down deep to cover her face. Her tall figure in a green hood looked just like a garden tree. Finally, she found a small paring knife.

Clutching the dull knife like a lifeline, she stood by the doorway and took a breath for a moment. Her eyes, pondering a way to escape from the windowless room, moved busily back and forth. Someone’s scream was heard outside the wooden door. A loud-voiced servant was making a loud noise, “Aack, aack….” That cry, which was somewhat comical like the cry of a crow, was a warning. She understood that it was a signal that if there was anyone hiding nearby, they should not come out, that this place was dangerous now.

Sitting down on the hard plank bed, she closed her eyes. It didn’t matter whether she died trapped voluntarily or was discovered and killed by others. She prided herself on having done everything she wanted to do and having gone everywhere she wanted to go and having met everyone she wanted to meet while living a not-so-short life. She had lived diligently, led by her nature to get whatever she wanted at all costs. So she didn’t regret her own life very much. She only prayed for the sad child who would wither away without even being born….

If the room where the pregnant maid was hiding was a bulb, the root-like corridor was full of traitors. Knights with red ribbon decorations on their sword hilts stabbed the necks of their comrades wearing the same clothes and the same colored cloaks as them. In the leaf room that went up along the blood-soaked corridor was the Prince taken hostage. There was my own Hyung, who had imprisoned him and was acting as a gatekeeper, and there was Theorim, who had come to save the Prince.

Theorim never puts off what he has to do. It is not money or honor that moves him. If there is something that should be done, he does it. The same is true even in the nightmare-stricken royal castle, standing as a bloodstained intruder.

That is why he was a hero. His Father had also become a hero in that way. Even at the risk of their lives, he and his family would become heroes. That was the destiny of the star he was born under. To save this land even by burning brightly and setting his whole body on fire. To maintain order and untangle the tangled lines. Even if he lost his life because his neck was strangled by that line….

Theorim’s defeat occurred because he was honest, because he was a straight person, because he was a knight who believed in and kept his promises. It was his mistake to accept my own Hyung’s proposal. Nodding at the condition that he would keep the Prince alive even as a scarecrow, he laid his sword on the floor. He disarmed, believing the false words that he could not kill his younger sibling’s husband.

There had never been anyone who could beat Theorim in swordsmanship. He was the man who rode a horse and beheaded an ogre. He was also the knight who cut down flying arrows with his sword. He had never lost in battle. The same was true on this day.

My own Hyung did not fight him properly. It was not a fight to stick his sword, none other than his sword, into the wing of a knight who had turned around to catch the Prince who was fleeing without a plan. That was a surprise attack, a hunt.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I reached out and waved my hands, and I clenched my fists and pounded my head. But this damn nightmare doesn’t end. The tomorrow that has had its leadership taken away by sorrow is too long.

Theorim didn’t die and endured for a long time. The sound of the wind kept leaking out of his mouth. The first person Hyung found was me. The moment I was grabbed and dragged out of his grasp, I was no longer an observer. At the crossroads of life and death, I embraced Theorim, who distrusted me more than anyone, cursed me, and loathed me, for the last time, and I wept bitterly. I frantically tried to cover the wounds of the one who didn’t want me with both hands. Hyung laughs, looking down at me, who was instantly covered in blood.

“It was really fun, you know? Manipulating others with lies.”

Hyung said.

“Too bad. I really wanted to see how much your precious husband would freak out… ‘Don’t believe the Reincarnated Angel’! Driven mad by a single note…”

He laughs. Laughing, he slammed the tip of the sword, stained bright red, on the floor. Then he squatted down and looked at Theorim. He sneered, looking into Theorim’s fading eyes.

“Your husband is not an Angel. He’s not even human. He’s our family’s parrot. A stupid parrot who can only repeat what Father says. A bird should be in a cage… Don’t you think?”

The knight in my arms is no longer breathing. The hazel eyes that were sometimes affectionate and often playful have also lost their light. His upper body, which I’m holding in my arms, feels heavier than before. It should be lighter since his soul has left, but it felt heavier instead. So heavy that I thought I would never be able to stand up again while holding him…

Blinking blankly, I stretched out my arms with all my might. Like my Hyung, I don’t know how to fight properly. Taking the sword from him and slashing it was at my own neck, not his.

In the moment when my vision turned bright red and I couldn’t see anything, I was anxious. I was afraid that this wasn’t a dream. I was scared that it was actually reality, but I was mistaken because my sense of pain was paralyzed, that I was so broken that I couldn’t even feel the pain of being beheaded…

Hyung’s hands frantically covered my wound. But all it did was strangle my severed neck, having no effect at all. He grabbed me and shook me, hit me, and beat me. He was soon soaked in blood, repeating futile motions. His face was stained with the blood gushing from my body, and he panted like a dog.

“It’s all your fault. You shouldn’t have run away from me.”

Hyung’s words sound very distant. It feels like a river has been placed between him and me.

“I’m already sick of living in the temple, but you leave the capital as you please? And you thought you’d be safe? And you thought I…”

I couldn’t hear the end of his words.

Now there are many people beside me. Those holding large and small swords prepared my funeral. They seemed to mourn for a while, offering prayers, then raised their swords high with tear-stained cheeks glistening. And they fulfilled the promise they had made long ago. After arguing and securing reservations, they wanted to tear off and divide my arms, legs, and wings.

“I’m alive.”

I cried out from the crowd. I’m still alive, I… I’m still alive…

But everyone who loved me, respected me, and praised me had no interest in the voice of my soul crying out. They started a war, slandering each other and stabbing each other’s hearts with swords. It was the result of everyone wanting my wings and no one giving in.

Abandoned on the land where red rain fell, I repeated pleas that no one listened to. I’m still alive… I feel pain too… I’m still alive and in pain… I kept, kept living. Actually, it kept hurting…

I covered my head with both hands. The sensation of hair digging between my fingers is disgusting. I clenched my fists and struck my head with my own hands. My vision wavers, but I don’t feel any pain. Someone grabbed my hand tightly.

I raised my head and desperately clung to him. The person who found me, the person who touched me… I checked who he was. It was Theorim.

His long, slender eyes were wet with something that could have been shock or sadness. The moment I looked into his dark eyes, I felt relieved. Very late, but a little happy. Theorim must have come to my deathbed vision. Not my Father, not Hyung, not the many people who praised me and wanted to tear apart my body, but my tomorrow.

I sobbed. I opened my mouth and shed tears, but strangely, no sound came out. Crying like someone cursed to lose their voice, I clung to Theorim’s hand. I buried my face in his palm and soaked his palm lines with tears. My whole body was heavy and I couldn’t get up from my seat. My arms and legs wouldn’t move properly, and my back ached as if it would break. It was even difficult to kneel and cling to him.

As the old King had once done to me, I reached out and hugged Theorim’s waist. And I poured out all sorts of words.

“I’ve been waiting for you all along. You might not believe it… but I’ve been waiting so desperately for so long.”

Thinking back to those days, I laughed. My crying was silent, but my laughter leaked out like childish giggles. I was fortunate that I had rarely laughed, so I had never heard anyone hate my laughter.

“I practiced introducing my name to you over and over again. I practiced smiling because I wanted to be a friend who suited you. I thought I would introduce myself for the first time when I met you, and we would laugh together…”

Laughing, crying, and groaning, I whispered.

“But Theo… you didn’t come. I really wanted to meet you, but you couldn’t come. Because I sent you far, far away with my own hands… Because you, who would meet me, know me, carry me on your back, hug me, and put golden shoes on me, were destined to die as soon as you became an adult…”

Theorim’s tunic, soaked with my tears, became damp, and his body temperature, trapped in my arms, became warm. Burying my face in the warm warmth, I realized.

“Ah. I see now. I must have been cursed, not blessed. So I throw away my precious days with my own hands… I make my precious ones cry with my own mouth… Every time I try to bless, I end up cursing. Miserable, filthy, I can’t stand it…”

How wonderful would it be if I could see the lost tomorrow? I wished. I always had. I was always curious about our tomorrow, and the day after that. I had forced myself to live in order to breathe the air of that day, but all that remained were the scraps of my wretched memories. Before I knew it, life had moved on to a page I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be a wretched bug clinging to Theo, who resented me, but that’s what I had become.

“Now I feel… at peace.”

Maybe it’s because I’m crazy. But seeing that I like you, I must have been crazy a long time ago. But seeing that I feel like you like me even a little bit, I must already be out of my mind.

“Theo.”

If you knew me better, with your eyes vividly hating me and your cheeks still red and your heart beating fast, you would probably push me away, right? You’d call me a disgusting bastard, an unlucky son of a bitch, right? If you found out about my identity, which I’ve been dreaming of facing you for so long, on the day my true self is revealed… you would hate me too, right? Like everyone who knows my true self. You would hate me too…

Why is it so easy to disappoint you, who never believed in Reincarnated Angels or torches in the first place…? You already knew, didn’t you? That I’m just a deformed monster who was born in the wrong era and has been good at deceiving others…

But I did well. I did my best. So… don’t blame me. Don’t curse me without knowing me. Don’t say my choice was wrong, please. I couldn’t let you lie in that coffin! Even if I hated the tomorrow where you don’t love me to death, even if I didn’t live for that tomorrow, still… I couldn’t let you lie in that coffin. I couldn’t see you dead twice. I couldn’t just leave your corpse there to be gawked at, torn apart by stray dogs, and eaten by birds.

I’d rather die than let you, at least you… But what should I do…?

Theo. What should I do now?

Theo. My Theo. I am now…

“…Stop.”

My tomorrow said to me, who was muttering and pouring out words.

“Stop… stop talking.”

I blinked blankly. Tears flowing down my cheeks soaked my neck. Soon, Theorim’s hands touched my cheeks. His rough, hard hands didn’t hurt me. He made me fully feel his touch. He wiped my face. His careful touch swept over my tear-stained cheeks and lingered on my tingling lips for a long time, then wiped away the red blood with the tip of his thumb. Only after seeing the blood on his thumb did I realize that my lips were torn.

Theorim frowned. His dark eyes seemed to waver slightly, as if confused. Because his face seemed angry, embarrassed, and worried, I quickly said.

“It doesn’t hurt. I should have told you this…”

“Hae-ah.”

“Then you would answer, ‘This is a wound you can cry about’…”

I kept talking busily to reassure him.

“It doesn’t hurt, Theo. Don’t worry about me. I don’t need to be worried about. I don’t… it doesn’t hurt that much. I can’t really feel it. Unless my flesh is torn and my bones are broken… I don’t hurt. I don’t know how to hurt. So don’t cry because of me. Don’t worry about me. Don’t feel sorry. You can’t hurt me no matter what you do…”

To me, who was nodding and spouting foolish things as if proud, the deathbed vision asked.

“How long… and how much have you been deceiving me?”

Blinking my eyes quickly, I raised my head. I faced his face, which was as stiff as a stone statue, and even forced a smile. I thought that if I did that, he would smile back at me. Of course, he didn’t show me that magical smile. Even in the deathbed vision, he was just him.

Reluctantly, I answered.

“From the beginning… I deceived you, knowing everything. Ah. No, it’s not. I didn’t know… I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I’m sorry, I should have known sooner. I should have seen and heard better.”

The end of the lengthening words is always an apology. Ashamed and guilty to speak with my face raised, my head, which had been stretched upward, gradually withered. Soon, I slumped my head down like an exhausted person.

“I’m sorry. For making you go through this… It’s because I’m lacking. I’m getting… dumber and dumber. I should have known better what would happen and prepared for it, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know. That Hyung would deceive you…”

“What… are you talking about?”

“The note… the note with the lie that deceived you. ‘Don’t believe the Reincarnated Angel’… Lying is what our family does best.”

The Theorim in the deathbed vision was no longer kind. He tried to take off my arms that were hugging his waist. I didn’t want to let him go. If even he left, all that would be left for me would be shattered emptiness, and I didn’t want to be alone in that vast void. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

I was also human. A person who resented the whole world when I felt lonely. I was also alive. I wanted to cry when I was sad, and I wanted to writhe when I was in pain. I just never got to do it to my heart’s content…

“Theo.”

When he shook off my arms, I hugged him even more tightly. I apologized while clinging to his body, and begged while grabbing his collar. But I was more used to defeat than that. Because of my weakness, I lost him. I fell forward as it was, and slammed my upper body into the bed sheet.

Once, twice. I blinked my eyes. The blood-stained bed sheet was crumpled. Three times, four times. I could see the white bandages wrapped around my arms and ankles. As if they had just been changed, the color of the flesh was purple, but the color of the bandages was pure white and bright. Five… times. Even whiter and bigger than that were my wings. My anchor, which was drooping and not moving at all, and which was once my pride, my two wings, took up the entire large bed that two people could lie on and still drooped to the floor.

I raised my head again. I could see the chandelier with melted candle wax attached to it. The canopy bed with the thick curtains drawn back was also familiar. Everything was familiar and familiar. The scenery of this bedroom with Theorim, who was grimacing and staggering as if in pain…

“I’m sorry.”

Strange. What tomorrow is this?

“You can… pity me as you please. Just a little bit, pity me more.”

He, who had stepped back one step, two steps, returned to my side again. Then, as I had done a little while ago, he knelt at my feet. In his hand, kneeling on one knee, was a letter. The end was crumpled and the ink was a mess, a poorly written will that was impossible to read. All the letters seemed worn out, as if they had been read dozens of times.

“Please forgive me, even if it’s just for that.”

I couldn’t tell where the dream ended and where reality began. I didn’t even know when I had woken up. But it was okay. Because I could comfort Theorim, who was leaning his head on my shoulder. Because I could receive his tears with both hands and protect him, who was immersed in great loss, fatigue, and shock.

I was seized with unexpected joy. It was a contradictory moment to the point of feeling strange. I was just happy to be with him on his saddest and most broken day. I was satisfied that I was not a helpless and pitiful observer, but a companion who existed in his life and could comfort him.

What I wanted was not a happy ending where he and I were just happy. I had vaguely mistaken it for that, but in fact, I just wanted to exist in his life. I wanted there to be a place for a man named me by his side, so that I could be with him on sad days, painful days, and days when he made mistakes and regretted them due to uncontrollable anger.

His right hand was stained brown with blood. I slowly placed my left hand on top of his clenched fist. I stroked the old scars and slowly pulled out the letter held in his grip. My small handwriting was densely packed inside. It was a thirteen-page will that I had written without fear on the day I decided to die. Even though it was filled with only sincerity, paper was just paper. The letter, which contained my entire life, was ridiculously light. The words I had repeated countless times in my mind and conveyed were so dense that there was no room for even a speck of dust to settle in the gaps, but the weight of the paper was as light as a feather and was not considered important at all.

But he read it. I was happy to think so. He understood… That alone was comforting.

“Will you tell me?”

And Theorim pleaded.

“Will you… tell me? Any words… I’ll believe your words. To me…”

Holding my shoulders and soaking his cheeks with tears. I was reflected in those confused eyes. It wasn’t that tomorrow from a long time ago. The me reflected in his eyes was just the me of today, this moment.

“Tell me what tomorrow you see is.”

Black vengeance flickered in his eyes. In order to clear the disgrace of being a traitor and recover his Father’s body, he needed me. He needed the tomorrow that I saw, the tomorrow that only I knew.

‘But…’

The past nightmare hurt me just by thinking about it, let alone talking about it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about such a tomorrow. I didn’t want to tell him that the ending waiting for us was just death.

There must be a way. I had already fixed his tomorrow several times. So there must be a way. A way to protect him as he is, while also carrying out his rightful revenge and protecting the throne… Not just waiting for options to appear, but a way for me to take the lead and create a path…

Time flowed by blankly. After a long silence, I made up my mind. I put down the crumpled letter and firmly held Theorim’s hand. And I said.

“Theo.”

His gaze reached me through my lips, which had opened with difficulty. I was prepared to give him anything for him, who was desperately seeking an answer. My gaze glanced at my back. Even without turning my head much, the two wings were fully in sight. The large wings were drooping pathetically, as if to show off.

Moistening my throat with dry saliva, I spoke in as calm a voice as possible.

“I have a good… idea.”

The reflection of myself in his eyes looked decent enough, and I found solace in that shadow. I ran my thumb over the purple shadows beneath his eyes and lowered my head, wanting to whisper closer to Theorim’s face.

“Prepare the knights for a great battle. Take everyone to the royal castle. To protect it, we must occupy it… To avenge, we must win. Theo, cut off my wings and attach them to your shield. Then no one will be able to harm you.”

Those wings had been coveted by all, the subject of endless debate without resolution. Moreover, in a clear vision of tomorrow, they were more than enough to ignite a new war. If he appeared with those wings as his shield, no one would dare attack him.

Besides, Theorim was my husband, chosen by the oracle. On this land, there was no one else who could wield my wings as a weapon. With the excuse of ‘the Goddess’s will,’ all difficulties would be resolved.

But unexpectedly, Theorim didn’t seem to like my plan. He looked rather angry. The sadness vanished from his face in an instant, replaced by an inexplicable rage.

Standing up abruptly, he asked me,

“That’s the ‘good idea’ you came up with?”

“Yes…”

“Ha!”

I could only stare up at him in bewilderment. All I could do was watch him pace back and forth like an angry man. My long-broken wings felt heavy. My swollen legs must have had broken bones.

Fortunately, Theorim stayed inside our bedroom. He walked to the window and looked out. I wriggled as hard as I could on the bed, forcing my body to the edge of the mattress to see what he was looking at.

An invisible wall seemed to have been built around the Duke’s coffin. Since the body was not to be touched, nor the coffin moved, passersby had picked up stones one by one and piled them up around the coffin.

Theorim was silent as he looked down at his Father, abandoned on the cold ground and surrounded by a low stone wall. His eyes were as dark as night, and he ran a hand through his handsome face in a turmoil of emotions. Then he turned back to me.

“A good idea?”

He asked again, his insistence making me shrink.

On one hand, I understood why Theorim was angry. The world I had actually experienced was narrow and brief. On the other hand, Theorim was a knight who had lived and breathed real life through expeditions and battles. So, my plan was likely to seem crude to him. There might be a world I hadn’t considered, hadn’t read about.

I pondered for a long time what to say to correct it. During that time, he was busy suppressing his emotions. For a long time, the veins on his temples pulsed.

And then he repeated the same words.

“‘A good idea’…”

I didn’t know what to say. He seemed to clench his teeth so hard that a deep line formed on his chin, and then he suddenly reached out and grabbed my left shoulder. I could faintly feel his strong grip. It felt like my whole body was shrinking around that touch.

“You’re alive.”

And Theorim said,

“Hae-ah… You’re alive.”

“……”

His thumb touched the hollow beneath my collarbone. My pulse throbbed wildly, transmitted to the joints of his fingertips.

“Tear off your wings? Who the hell… or what the hell made you think of that?”

“……”

Silence. That was all I could manage.

He was such a clever man that he could even read the meaning of my silence. There were words written in the letter, and a rambling confession poured out. There was no need to add anything more. As a result, his face darkened.

“Then, take… me. That would be better. If you take me, it will be more helpful to you…”

I was afraid that he would pity me as I was. I was scared that he might like me more. I hated the thought of him feeling sorry for me, liking me, cherishing me, because I felt sorry for him, liked him, and cherished him, and I knew how deep the feelings one could have for such a person were.

If you like someone, you want to protect them. I didn’t want Theorim to protect me. I was afraid that he would worry about me, for my sake, and evacuate me first even with a great nightmare before his eyes.

After a moment of silence, Theorim released my shoulder. This time, I didn’t grab his hand. I only heard the answer that came back.

“Everything you say is right. I’m… a man who doesn’t believe in Reincarnated Angels. I don’t believe that you’re a great being, or that you hear the words of God. I don’t think of you as an Angel. I don’t believe in you as an Angel.”

“……”

“I have to be able to trust any tool in my hand. I can’t hold a blade I don’t believe in as a sword. And a shield is out of the question.”

“…Theo, I…”

“I’m not weak enough to use you as a shield.”

“Theo!”

Reaching out with both hands, I hugged his arm. I grabbed him and clung to him, even if it was forced.

“Me… Take me. Don’t go alone.”

I didn’t need affection for me. There was no need to protect me, cherish me, care for me, or understand me. I didn’t want any of that from Theorim. Everyone in the world revered me only with words. They said they respected me, cared for me, and loved me, but as soon as they turned around, they wanted my prophecies, wanted my feathers, and wanted to cut off my flesh when I died. I wanted Theorim to be like that too. I wanted him to have easy reverence, like everyone else.

But he walked the opposite way. Everyone in the world was the same, even my family, but Theorim was different. Theorim was the only one who didn’t give me lip service. He said he didn’t believe in me, but he took my rambling confession and the letter with my poor heart at face value. He said he didn’t need me, but he didn’t try to abandon me, ruin me, or lose me.

‘He doesn’t believe in me as an Angel…’

Soon, I understood the meaning of those words. To him, I was a person. A person who laughed, cried… and lived, like him.

“I love you.”

He was the only one who believed in me as a person.

“I love you… Theo.”

Even though I knew it would be difficult for him to accept, I confessed. It was to cling to him once more. To persuade him once again, I grabbed his right hand with my trembling hands and placed it on my cheek. I leaned my wet face against it and pleaded.

“Believe… me. Believe in me. Use me, make me your shield. You can do that. I’ll be safe anyway. I’ll prove it, that I’m that strong a shield. Please… look at me. My eyes…”

I repeatedly grasped his twitching hand and rubbed my lips against his palm several times. It was like kissing his palm lines.

“…I love you…”

At the end of the echoing words,

“Okay.”

Theorim replied.

“I understand.”

The words, filled with various emotions, were short and calm. I smiled at the thought that it was just like him. Theorim slowly made me lie down, smiling with tears in my eyes. As I obediently lay flat under the hand that pressed down on my shoulder, I repeatedly muttered.

“Really… really, you have to take me, you have to… me…”

“Okay. I understand… Stop talking now.”

Soon, he walked around the large bed and straightened my wings. The left wing was half crumpled because I had been struggling so violently. He gently spread them out and brought new bandages and towels.

The tunic I was wearing already had the wing areas torn, so I could apply the medicine without taking it off. It was only when I smelled the medicinal scent that I realized I had a severe wound on my back. It was so painful that even I felt a tingling sensation.

Blinking my dull eyes, I looked around the room. In the basket left on the floor, there was a pile of towels stained with brown blood. There were countless empty medicine bottles. Theorim apologized to me, but I didn’t need to forgive him. It was all my fault. It was my fault for foolishly taking out my heavy wings and falling backward. So, I had suffered severe damage even in a fall that would have only broken someone else’s leg.

Theorim wiped my back from side to side. Judging from the position of his caressing touch, it seemed that the broken wings had almost fallen off my skin. I was worried that my flesh would be torn and leave ugly scars. I was sorry that Theorim might see that and feel unnecessary guilt.

I was lost in thought for a moment, and then drowsiness poured over my head. Feeling a slight warmth, I moved my arm to the side. I groped around for a sign of life, and then grabbed the hem of the top that touched my fingertips. I wanted to beg him a few more times not to leave me, and to get a definite answer. But the drowsiness was too heavy.

In the gradually blurring vision, I saw Theorim’s profile. There was a short, straight scratch between his left cheek and ear. The wound, which hadn’t even scabbed over yet, was holding a drop of blood.

Unable to overcome my curiosity and worry, I asked.

“Are you hurt? There’s… blood on your cheek…”

Then Theorim’s expression hardened. He clenched the cloth that had turned brown with my blood in his fist and was silent for a few seconds. It pained me to see his face looking so tormented. After taking a long breath, he said.

“It doesn’t hurt. This is just a bug bite.”

He wouldn’t know why his words made me laugh. Feeling my vision fading into darkness, I smiled.

And for the first time, I didn’t dream. It was a comfortable sleep, with the touch of a hand repeatedly caressing my wounds.

Since I had never made a proper promise, I didn’t know how to trust people. It was the same even if that person was Theorim. I was anxious and restless, afraid that he would leave me behind.

On the other hand, my body was recovering slowly. My vision was tilting from side to side due to the raging fever, my whole body was numb, and my legs and back felt like they were on fire. I had experienced more pain than this, but it was the first time I had been sick for so long, so I was perplexed. For the first time, I missed the high-ranking wizard of the Marquisate. The days I met that old beast-like wizard were always painful and sad, but his skills were the best.

I had never understood him before. I couldn’t understand why a man with a genius that didn’t fade even as he got older only pursued power and money. These days, I had completely given up on understanding. He wasn’t the only one who prioritized power and money. There were hardly any people on earth who I could understand with my naive values. To be honest, Theorim was the only one.

‘I have to protect him well…’

I think I had that thought while I was dazed with a fever.

It was only after two days of illness that I finally cleared my mind. When I opened my eyes, feeling a stuffy throat, I was lying face down, monopolizing the large bed. I smacked my lips with a bitter taste, and felt a slight pain. It seemed that I had a wound in my mouth.

I had heard that the Rephaim didn’t even have servants to change their clothes, but unexpectedly, two maids came and helped me with my movements. The two women, who were the wives of the knights who followed Theorim, wiped my arms and legs and helped me change my clothes. Still, it was impossible to get out of bed. It was because of the heavy wings, and the energy to put them away didn’t recover at all.

A doctor came to me, lying face down on the bed as if I were under a curse. The doctor, who had many wrinkles on his face and wore glasses, was with Theorim.

I kept glancing at Theorim, whom I was seeing for the first time in two days, and the doctor openly watched me. He seemed very excited to have met a Reincarnated Angel. While treating my back, he repeatedly said that it was an honor. In comparison, Theorim was frighteningly taciturn. He only leaned against the doorframe and watched the skin of my back, which had been torn long, and the doctor’s hands sewing it up, without even entering the room.

“Unfortunately, there will be scars left.”

The doctor said. It was an tone as if he was delivering very unfortunate and sad news. I just nodded silently. I didn’t care whether scars remained on my body or not. However, what was important was Theorim’s intention as he looked down at me, shirtless and lying face down.

He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t even a short greeting. In the two days, which were long if long and short if short, his eyes had somehow turned cold. Perhaps he was disappointed that I had been lying down for longer than expected. It wouldn’t be strange if I felt like a burden to him, who had insisted on following me all the way to the capital. He might be racking his brains about how to transport me.

In the end, Theorim left the bedroom with the doctor without saying a word. It felt like my miserable confession and tearful conversation had all been for nothing, and I was burning inside. I had been happy for a very short time, thinking that my sincerity had been conveyed, but the past seemed to have disappeared like a mirage, and I was anxious. Still, I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to mention again the fact that I had cried out of emotion and shouted that I loved him. I couldn’t expect any separate answer. He was already a knight with heavy shoulders, and the burden of me would already be heavy enough.

In the end, I was able to get out of bed after three days. It was thanks to the fact that I had recovered my strength to some extent and had managed to hide my wings inside my body. But the air outside the bedroom, which I walked out of on two feet, was quite different from before. While I was recovering my strength, the Duke’s castle itself seemed to have a different expression and a different atmosphere.

In the meantime, Theorim had completely reorganized the Knights. He had ferreted out and imprisoned the traitor who had stolen his Father’s hawk, recruited new allies, and held long meetings. And he was very calm and composed, but a cold flame seemed to be burning inside.

There was a strangely noble atmosphere emanating from him and all the knights around him, which I stole glances at over my shoulder. The way they were preparing their armor, swords, shields, and horses seemed more sublime than any royal family or nobleman. It wasn’t because there was anything special about their behavior. Rather, it was too ordinary, so it was impressive. It was abnormal and special to be so nonchalant just before pulling a bowstring that could cost them their lives.

The Duchess guarded the castle in place of the Duke’s absence. The Duchess was a stronger person than I thought. The current trials had clearly made her roots stronger. As soon as she regained her senses, she placed candles on the stone wall at the entrance of the castle and lit them. Even though it was the season when the cold was about to come, the winter wind did not extinguish the fire that the Duchess had lit. Many people went in and out of the castle and burned new candles next to the fire.

The Duchess also spent her precious time on me. She called me into a room with thick walls and low ceilings to prevent the cold from seeping in, took off my top, and disinfected the wound on my back. She also put plenty of gauze on the wound on my back and wrapped bandages around it.

“Thank you…”

When I awkwardly greeted her, the Duchess smiled. Then she said.

“The Goddess must have had a purpose. Seeing that she sent you to this castle.”

My heart stung at those words. I had lied hundreds of times and lived my life deceiving others, but my conscience was still triangular.

“Don’t say that to Theo… Theorim. He will never think that way. He might get angry if he hears that.”

I waved my hands in the air, and the Duchess stopped tightening the bandage for a moment. As if unfolding the folded bandage, she stroked the stiff cloth with her thumb and asked softly.

“Is my son’s attitude very cold?”

Once again, regret tightened my throat. I didn’t mean to, but I was afraid that I might look like I was complaining about or tattling on her son in front of the Duchess. I quickly shook my head.

“…No. There’s a good reason for that.”

“There must be a reason.”

The Duchess’s reply was unexpectedly light. Her voice was soft, as if it carried no weight, and the words she casually offered were quite strange.

“If he’s cold to you, it’s because he likes you.”

Following that, the Duchess’s hand touched my head. She wore a smile on her weary face and stroked my hair, then widened her eyes as if surprised by her own actions and withdrew her hand.

“I’m sorry. I treated you like my youngest child.”

I gave an awkward smile in response.

“It’s alright. You’ve done that before.”

Then, I bowed my head and left the room, which felt warm with the Duchess’s kindness alone. I needed to move quickly before she remembered me from the capital’s castle long ago and started joking about my clumsy past.

I kept her words locked away deep inside the drawer of my heart. I already knew that Theorim’s true feelings couldn’t be that way. He had been very cold to me from the moment we met, but according to the Duchess, that meant he had fallen for me at first sight. The very act of making such an assumption felt sinful, so I decided to conceal that pleasant but embarrassing sentence so that it would never be uttered again.

And late that night, the King’s death was confirmed. Five streaks of white cloud, shot up by the Royal Wizards, stretched long across the sky. They resembled fingers reaching out to the Goddess. Everyone living on this great land who looked up at the sky at that moment must have been shocked, but it was different for the Rephaim. Especially for Theorim, the news was nothing short of a starting signal. All that remained was to confirm the Prince’s safety.

Standing by the window in the master bedroom, he waited for dawn. I remained silent beside him. My role was to keep my eyes open and endure, with the bag I had packed in advance placed by my feet, so that I could follow him when he left. My luggage was very small and modest. It only contained a pair of very light Golden Sandals.

After sitting upright for a long time, I couldn’t bear the pain in my back and adjusted my posture. I sat sideways, leaning my shoulder against the headboard of the bed. As the position became a little more comfortable, drowsiness poured into my dazed mind.

‘I mustn’t fall asleep.’

Forcing my eyes open, I glared at Theorim’s shadow. Standing motionless, wondering what he was thinking, the unmoving shadow was like a bas-relief. It was as if someone had carved his figure into the floor, and darkness had settled in that trace.

I struggled to stay awake, fearing that he would leave while I was asleep, but it gradually became more difficult to lift my heavy eyelids. My vision blurred, and my head drooped. Then, I dozed off.

It felt like I had only closed my eyes for a moment, rather than dreaming, but a faint dawn light was seeping into the room, which had been filled with deep darkness. My posture was also completely different. I was lying sideways with my legs stretched out, taking up the center of the bed, covered with a soft and warm blanket.

‘…….’

As I rolled my eyes with a hazy mind, the pattern of the canopy curtains looked like a heat haze. I reached out my numb arm towards the tightly drawn curtains. As I slipped my hand through the gap in the curtains, I saw Theorim’s back sitting at the table by the window in the distance. The movement of his arm seemed to be writing or reading something. Next to him was an empty birdcage.

As I blankly watched his back, I closed my eyes again the moment he got up from his seat. It wasn’t wrong to be awake, but it felt wrong to have been secretly watching him. Soon, I heard the soft sound of footsteps approaching me. He came very slowly to my side and took my hand, which was sticking out through the gap in the curtains. Then, he tucked it back into the blanket.

‘This must be a dream.’

I was so sure, intoxicated by sleepiness. Otherwise, I would have heard the sound of his footsteps approaching, but not the sound of them moving away.

Sure enough, when I opened my eyes again, Theorim was not by my side. A clear, early morning light, like clear water, was seeping into the navy blue sky. I jumped up from my seat and ran to the window. Fortunately, the knights had not yet left the Duke’s castle.

I quickly took off my pajamas to prepare to leave with them. There wasn’t much for me to do before leaving for the royal castle, which was covered by the influence of the Marquis family. First, I had to secretly unwrap the bandages that had been finished with perfect care. I was grateful for the Duchess’s precious touch, but it couldn’t be helped. To protect Theorim, I had to spread my wings as soon as I arrived at the royal castle and let everyone know that an Angel was on his side. It would be difficult if the bandages were blocking my shoulder blades.

Then, I put on the thick pants and tunic that I had prepared in advance, and a gray cloak with sky-blue embroidery. I held the bag containing my precious shoes and packed the parchment, which I had carefully rolled and wrapped in advance, into my inner pocket. I also found and put on leather boots that fit my foot size. After that, it was time to join the knights.

In fact, it would be more accurate to say that I was being loaded onto their group as baggage rather than joining them. I wasn’t even given a personal horse, and I didn’t have a single weapon in my hand, so I could only stand sullenly next to the cart carrying the luggage.

As I quietly slipped my bag into one side of the cart where numerous pieces of luggage were piled up one after another, I looked around, and fortunately, none of the knights ignored or disliked me. On the contrary, some of them spoke to me and boasted about their connection with me, saying that their wives had taken care of me. Others, like some of the members of the temple, wanted to reach out and touch my arm. It was because of the superstition that good luck would come if they smeared the Divine Power of an Angel on their bodies. While Theorim’s gaze was not on me, I shook hands with three or four knights and placed their hands on my arm.

As the sun, which was carefully revealing its face, dyed the land crimson, Theorim appeared. Having appeared fully prepared, he first straightened the ranks and looked around between the horses as if he had something to worry about. Soon, his gaze reached me.

“What are you doing here.”

Then, he took care of me. Breaking my expectation that I would get on the luggage cart, he put me in front of the saddle of his horse. Then, he placed his body behind my back. In an instant, I was in his arms.

After a moment of silence, Theorim ran the horse. There was no need to utter any other orders. The sound of the knights’ hooves following quickly behind me was as loud as thunder. As we passed through the main gate of the Duke’s castle, a wasteland unfolded, and soon, a rugged mountain range with frozen streams drawing a map was revealed.

Blinking my eyes quickly, I tried to adapt to the fluctuating vision. I used to fly in the clouds, but now that I was sitting on a running horse, I couldn’t show a nervous appearance.

However, my courage and adventurous spirit seemed to have disappeared along with the usefulness of my two wings. As soon as I completely escaped Rephaim, my body began to tremble as if it had been waiting for it. Hiding my hands in the hood, I tried to hide the trembling.

And Theorim moved his arm. With his left hand holding the reins placed in front of my body, he pulled me closer with his right arm. My upper body, which had been leaning forward, seemed to be pushed back, and my back touched Theorim’s chest.

“…….”

I was silent in his large arms. Theorim was the same. I wondered if we had reached a heavily shaking area. I thought that he had no reason to hold me unless it was necessary. But that wasn’t the case. Even though the flat land unfolded and the galloping horse found stability, he did not release the arm that was holding me.

Dawn broke in the distance. It was as if the sun was chasing the back of our heads as we headed to the capital. As I looked at the bright sunrise, I smelled Theorim’s scent. He smelled of sweat, soil, and swords.

“Now tell me. What’s our plan?”

Theorim asked, leaning his lips close to my ear. I was inwardly embarrassed by the sudden words. In just a few days, he seemed to have completely learned how to handle me. The fact that he, who had been so cold to the point of being regrettable, was now holding me tightly in his arms and whispering in my ear made me want to reveal any secret.

Still, I hesitated for a moment. There was a story I was going to tell him only when we arrived at the royal castle. I knew that he was unhappy with the fact that I was accompanying him on a battle that could take an unknown amount of time and sacrifice. I was worried that once I told him everything I knew, he would leave me behind and bear the danger alone.

“Don’t doubt it. It’s already too late to leave you behind.”

He said to me, who had kept my mouth shut. His voice sounded somewhat affectionate. It even seemed to have a bit of playfulness in it. I wanted to turn my head and check his face, but it was impossible on a fast-running horse. Every time the horse’s back shook greatly, I twitched my eyes and leaned my back against Theorim’s chest.

Come to think of it, what he said seemed right. Thanks to riding the fastest horse in the world, we had already left Rephaim a long time ago, and there were no villages we could pass through on our way to the capital. Even if danger had befallen the royal castle, it didn’t seem like Theorim would drop me off in a snowy foreign land.

After a brief moment of contemplation, I said.

“When we arrive at the royal castle… there will be many knights who have betrayed their loyalty. They wear red ribbon decorations on the hilts of their swords to distinguish themselves. Take them away as you suppress them and fill the knights’ swords with them. That will reduce the confusion.”

It couldn’t be helped, even if it was news that I should have told him sooner. Theorim would understand my desire not to be eliminated at the moment of battle.

“…Above all, you must find the maid wearing a green coat first. She is tall… and has brown hair… She is a noble young lady. There is a secret passage that maids use somewhere in the hallway, and she is hiding in a bedroom in the corner of the passage. It’s a small room without windows. She is an important person, so you must find her and protect her from the eyes of others.”

Through the warmth I felt on my skin, I knew that he was nodding.

“And….”

My mouth felt parched with tension. My voice inevitably sank.

“…And seize the throne first. You don’t have to go save the Prince, he will be fine even if you don’t. So never, ever go to my Hyung. Even if you inevitably face him, don’t believe what he says, and don’t promise him anything.”

“Okay, I understand.”

His answer was immediate, making me wonder what I should say to explain if he asked for the reason. He even gradually slowed down the speed of the horse as if he was trying to listen to my story. Thanks to that, my mind became much calmer.

“I have one question.”

He asked as if he had suddenly thought of it.

“All the things you’ve done so far…. Was I worth it?”

This time, I was the one who nodded. I could feel his gaze intensely as he watched my head moving busily. In a very low and small voice, he said.

“Thank you.”

I just remained silent at his kind greeting. I was clumsy, fumbling for words to say. I only wished that my heartbeat could be transmitted through his armor to his arms that were holding me…

Suddenly, the slowly moving horse stopped all four legs. Only then did I look back. All of the knights who had been following closely behind us had stopped far away. In a panic, I looked up at Theorim with my head still raised, but his gaze was directed elsewhere. As I moved my gaze to follow him, I saw a dot marked on the horizon in the distance. The dot quickly grew larger and revealed its identity. A carriage was approaching us.

In a panic, I let out a small, meaningless groan. As I blinked my eyes and looked around, the shape of the carriage looked familiar. It was a carriage that I had ridden in to escape from the temple on days when an outing order was issued, which was very rare.

The carriage came straight to us and stopped. While the coachman soothed the excited horses with ‘whoa, whoa’ sounds, Theorim lightly moved the reins in his hand. The skilled black horse naturally approached the side door of the carriage.

“Theo.”

I knew instinctively what was about to happen.

“Don’t do this….”

As soon as I grabbed his arm, the carriage door burst open. I was the only one surprised by the unexpected situation. Theorim did not hesitate. He seemed to shake off my arm that was holding him with a strong force, and then he pushed me into the carriage. It was a ruthlessly decisive touch.

“…Theo!”

As I fell into the carriage as if collapsing, two arms embraced me. A weeping servant and a pale high priest came into my chaotic vision. Spreading their arms and hugging me, the two men sighed.

“Oh, God…! Thank you, thank you!”

The high priest seemed to be absorbed in the joy of getting me back, and the servant was flustered when he discovered the splint added to my leg. The hands of the old high priest and the young servant stroked, embraced, and caressed me, one after another.

As I was held like a doll in their arms, I looked up at Theorim. Unable to cope with the betrayal and embarrassment, I reached out my arm towards him outside the carriage.

“Theo, no….”

But he didn’t look at me. With a blank face that showed no hesitation, he was only looking at the high priest, not me.

Finally, he said.

“Keep your promise. Don’t be seen by anyone until I come to find you, and don’t get caught. Don’t trust anyone.”

“Theo…!”

He readjusted the reins of the horse. He was about to leave me behind as it was.

In a hurry, I moved hastily. As I threw my upper body out of the carriage and reached out my arm, I barely managed to grab his cloak. As the hem of the navy blue cloak wrapped around my fingers, I pulled it with all my strength. I stretched out my neck with a vengeance and shook my head repeatedly. It was my turn to beg him not to leave me behind, but my voice didn’t come out well.

For a moment, I saw a red mark on his large silver cuirass. I whispered as if groaning.

“Theo. You’re hurt….”

Theorim took my hand that was like that. And he said.

“It’s not my blood.”

Then, he gently but firmly took away my touch. And he looked into my eyes. The moment our eyes met was so short that it could be described as fleeting.

“I’ll be back.”

The black horse carrying him ran like an arrow. It was an incomparably faster speed than the speed it had been moving with me on it. Instead of him, who was disappearing from my sight in an instant, the high priest pulled me back. I was sucked into his arms and buried.

The servant hurriedly took off my cloak and put a cloth on my back. Only I didn’t know that the wound on my back had burst open because I was riding a swaying horse.

Only then did I think of Theorim’s arms that had been holding me tightly. I realized too late that he had pulled me so close to his upper body that he had pressed down on me to prevent the wound from getting worse. I already missed his embrace.

Remaining among those who were praying, I tightly closed my eyes. The sound of the receding hooves was already faint.

The hiding place to hide the Reincarnated Angel was surprisingly not far from the capital. As soon as I arrived at the wide site where three old pillars were planted, each drawing a corner of a triangle, I nodded.

This temple, which looked old and broken on the outside, had a greater meaning than it appeared. According to mythology, it was a temple built directly by the Goddess in ancient times, and when the first human child was buried under this land and taken out three days later, he had become an adult. At the time, all the other humans were children, so the Goddess called him the king of humans. Since then, all the kings who reigned over this land visited this temple whenever they ascended to the throne. Among them, someone who succeeded in the throne usurpation personally dug the land under the temple and created a basement. It was to actually stay in that room for three days.

So, no matter what conclusion the battle in the royal castle came to, this temple would be safe until then. No one would dare to think of searching it or destroying it. If they were to eventually win the battle and become the owner of the throne, they would have to visit this place to create a justification.

With the High Priest carrying me on his back, I let my arms hang limp. The texture of the tunic, stained with hardened blood, rustled, and I had no strength left in my limbs.

The old High Priest descended into the dark underground without so much as a cough, calmly waiting for a servant to light up the dark interior of the temple.

In the darkness, I sighed against the old man’s shoulder. The High Priest cleared his throat softly. And then he spoke in a voice filled with emotion.

“I am so glad you have returned safely. I am following the orders of the Duke’s heir to protect you for now… but to be honest, I do not know who the Goddess’s will is directed towards.”

I rolled my eyes without answering. The underground temple seemed much larger than I had thought. Far away, at the end of the wall, the candle lit by the servant looked as small as a star.

The High Priest knew how to draw an answer from my silence. After a moment of silence, he asked a specific question.

“Whose side are you on?”

It was a foolish question. I scoffed.

‘Whose side am I on?’

I am on my side. The only one who has ever listened to me, my only ally… Theorim was also on my side. The first ally I had after myself was him. So I could do anything to not lose him.

Instead of answering the foolish question, I tapped the High Priest’s shoulder twice. Then I pointed to the candles that had begun to flicker in a row. Silently, the High Priest moved me to the front of them. And he took off the rough leather boots that covered my feet.

Once again barefoot, I wiggled my toes. Come to think of it, I had left the bag containing my treasure, my only shoes, in the Knights’ baggage cart. With regret, I stared at my bare feet, and then I saw the feet of the Goddess statue above the candles that had gathered and brightened. The face of the Goddess, sitting with a dagger clutched in her hand, looked cold and lonely. I silently walked towards her feet, reached out, and wrapped my hands around the Goddess’s feet. And I waited until the statue’s feet became warm.

Soon I settled down in front of her. I put my hands together as they were.

As I closed my eyes and began to pray, the High Priest stopped talking to me. I could feel the energy of the flickering candles in front of my closed eyes. The touch of the blanket falling over my shoulders was also vivid. The smell of rye bread also wafted, as if they had brought me a meal. Ignoring everything, I just prayed.

How long had I been frozen like that? The presence around me was no longer just two people. Regaining my senses, which had been fading for a moment, I looked around. Already, dozens of people had gathered near me. Most of them were priests, and some were familiar servants. Everyone was holding hands and muttering their wishes.

Among them was one very young child. The child, sitting close to me, was just reaching out to wrap his hands around my feet. After staring at the child’s small crown for a few seconds, my instep warmed up. Just like the stone statue in the temple, I said nothing. Ignoring my numb legs, I settled back into my place and closed my eyes to pray again.

Whether the sun rose or set, there was no sign of it underground. Only the height of the gradually melting candles indicated the passage of time. Until the flickering went out completely, I prayed and prayed. People thought I was listening to the word of God for peace, but it wasn’t.

I prayed for myself. I hoped that I was right to willingly abandon Theorim’s fate. I wanted to be happy even after condoning the death of the King’s only legitimate son, the Prince who had just turned twenty. I wanted my parents to fail and my siblings to die. I hoped and hoped that Theorim’s life would continue, and that I would be by his side on his new path.

I would pay the price. After all, I had been paying for sin and punishment all my life. I would be happy even if I could no longer see tomorrow. I would be fine even if I trembled with fear of the unknown and grew old. I didn’t care if I became a useless incompetent. I could endure anything that happened.

Suddenly, small screams rang out simultaneously. At the same time, my body lurched forward. As it was, I fell as if I had been thrown at the Goddess’s feet. It was as if someone had kicked me. In reality, it was even more dramatic than that. Unable to bear the weight of the wings that had suddenly unfolded, my upper body collapsed.

Blinking in bewilderment, I struggled with my arms. I had not moved, eaten, drunk, or slept for days, so I had no strength to stand up. Already heavy wings completely crushed me, so I could not move while fallen. The wings that had unfolded on their own were just as impossible to move with my will.

My bizarre appearance was enough to surprise the young servants and priests. Everyone stopped praying and murmured, looking at me. The fastest among them was the oldest and most experienced. The High Priest, who had rushed over in an instant, gasped and held up my upper body.

“Good heavens, Torch! What… what on earth….”

He was the High Priest who had always lifted me up and carried me on his back, even when he was old. Even he could not lift my heavy wings right away. I leaned my upper body against the old man’s knees and gasped. Tears welled up in the eyes of the white-haired old man.

“Wings…. How on earth…, why, why wings….”

He choked up, unable to finish his sentence, but I was not so sad. Rather, a small hope sprouted in the place where bewilderment had faded.

A spell created by a high-ranking wizard was used to put away and hide my broken wings. Unlike ordinary magic, a spell could not be stopped even if the caster wanted to stop it. There was only one way to undo the spell. The death of the one who cast the spell.

If you want to drive a high-ranking wizard who can use healing magic to death, you had to completely defeat him….

With urgent hands, I rummaged through my inner pocket. There was a note that I had written since Rephaim. I would call the sentence written on the parchment the last lie, and the people of the world would call it the final oracle.

I had been waiting for the moment to take out this note. Perhaps because I was a shameless child from a family of swindlers, my hands moved instinctively before my reason could finish calculating. It was now. Now everything would seem meaningful, and there would be no room for doubt or confusion.

As expected, when I took out the carefully knotted parchment and showed it, the High Priest quickly received it with both hands.

Standing up, he unfolded the oracle with trembling hands in front of many witnesses. And he read it out.

“Those who wish to rise cannot rise even if they struggle, and the world sends up those who are destined.”

The High Priest narrowed his eyes. Many other priests stood up from their seats the moment they heard the oracle. All of them were busy chewing over the words they had heard and interpreting them. Only I knew that it was an oracle that was not worth listening to. I had just scribbled down a sentence that everyone would want to hear.

In fact, I wanted to shout like this. There is no mercy of the Goddess on this land. There is no place to rise without struggling. There is no value that can be easily obtained. The happy ending of reality does not come by luck. A step forward tomorrow always comes with pain.

Footsteps began to echo in the temple, where a small commotion had broken out. As if to remind us that this was underground, the footsteps were loud and fast. It was a hasty sound that did not feel like faith at all.

With my two wings drooping like luggage, I raised my head. In the distance, I saw Theorim standing at the end of the darkness. His face was calm and expressionless, as it had been when we parted, but he held a golden crown in his left hand and golden shoes in his right hand. The crown was reddish with blood, but the golden shoes were as clean as if they had been wiped with a white cloth. A young servant let out a pure exclamation at the sight of him standing with the sunlight behind him.

Beyond his shoulders, I saw two knights and a maid in a green coat. She was a pregnant woman carrying the Prince’s child, embracing her full belly.

I put my hands on the floor to approach Theorim. Still, it was not enough to raise my upper body. Desperately stretching out my neck, forced to be pressed to the ground, he ran to me first. As he narrowed the distance, his body slowly collapsed. In the end, he knelt down in front of me.

He reached out and hugged me. I felt like I was being pulled out of the water. Relying on the strength of his arms, I was finally able to lift my upper body off the floor and hold it properly. My chest touched his chest, and my chin rested on his shoulder. Embraced in his wide arms, I felt two hearts beating wildly.

He put the shoes on my bare feet, which were exposed without dignity. He put a thin sole on my empty soles and tied my instep and ankles with gold thread. Everyone who respected the Reincarnated Angel was raising me up barefoot, but he hugged the collapsed me and put shoes on me.

Groping, I raised my arms and hugged his back, and in the distance, I saw the light that had fallen into the underground through the spiral staircase. The light that the newly risen sun showed off in the early morning was so bright.

Father’s words that miracles are accompanied by asceticism were ultimately correct. I suffered and met a miracle. Theorim finally compensated for all my yesterdays.

It was time to say the greeting I had wanted to convey for a long time.

“Welcome back….”

Knowing the answer that would come back, I smiled in advance.

Finally, my tomorrow became today.