By Zephyria 
From the bed, he could hear the sound of stroking the hair, which he and Adrian dared not touch, as he pleased. The ears of the beast, which were much better than those of humans, easily drew the situation outside in Kyle’s mind.
Noah, you have to wake up? Noah… The man’s voice became even softer. He was just wearing a servant’s uniform, but he recklessly called the name of the Empress of this country without fear.
Noah, who had recently put down his worries and had a deep sleep for the first time in a while, did not wake up easily even with the man’s call, and buried his face in the pillow with a whimper. The man’s faint laughter was heard.
“Today is the day you’re going to see the guy you like so much, are you going to sleep in? If you don’t leave early, you won’t have time.”
“I’m awake… I’m going to wake up…”
Nicole Seymour, who had handed over the position of servant to a newly arrived servant whose identity was unknown, had recently left Noah’s side and was busy preparing to take over her father’s merchant guild.
She said that she was making preparations in advance to get a divorce completely in the near future and leave the capital with only the two of them.
Unlike Noah, who was holding the empty position of Empress without doing anything, Nicole Seymour, who had belatedly started taking successor classes, seemed to be spending a busy daily life. So, he would only see her face for a short time on days when Nicole Seymour seemed to have some free time like this.
“You can sleep more. I’d rather you didn’t go to see that guy.”
“Ugh, you’re really…”
The man, who was not the Emperor, called the Empress familiarly without hesitation and woke him up by hugging him himself, and Noah made a fuss as if he was acting spoiled without caring about his touch. It was a frank conversation and attitude. Kyle felt a little miserable listening to their conversation. To him, and to the Emperor… Noah had never acted so frankly. Before he found the memories of his first life, it was natural that he couldn’t show his sincerity, but after regaining the memories of his first life, he often acted as if he didn’t know what to do, feeling guilty just by facing his face. He wanted him to lean on him comfortably, but now he knew that even that was greed.
“A presumptuous servant like you should be fired right away, Allen.”
“Unfortunately, Noah. Keep in mind that even if I quit being God, I still have the ability to enter the human Imperial Palace as a servant. This would be better than me appearing with a noble title for no reason, right?”
“Haa…”
The cruel God who once led Noah Hamilton to a desperate death was no longer there. The absolute being who bet everything on the bet with Noah Hamilton was also gone. All that remained here was just one humble new servant named Allen.
According to the brief explanation he heard after the Royal Wedding, the condition he bet on in the bet with God was the extinction of Noah Hamilton, so God sacrificed the body of ‘Allen Hamilton’ that he had maintained until then to fulfill that condition. And by giving up all the power, rights, and soul he had maintained as God, he paid the price and returned everything in this world, which would have been strange even if it had been shattered immediately, to its original place.
The real son of the Hamilton Count family, who had miraculously returned to his place, was treated as having died of an unknown fever, and the Countess, who had completely delegated her rights to the Little Count even though the succession ceremony had not yet taken place, went down to the territory and was said to be living quietly. The Countess, who had been out of her mind, had not yet recovered properly, and the Count was said to have aged overnight on the day the Royal Wedding ended and was buried in his bedroom all day long.
“Come on, I’ve drawn water, so take a bath quickly. I’ve sprinkled Lily-scented Bath Bomb. Do you like it?”
“Hmm.”
Noah moved his feet to the bathroom following the touch of the impudent servant, even though he was making a dissatisfied expression. Only after confirming that Noah had completely left the bedroom, Allen suddenly reached under the bed and dragged out Kyle Graham, who was still in the form of a beast.
“Let go of this.”
As soon as his head came out of the bed, Kyle returned to his human form and roughly shook off Allen’s hand. Unlike his usual gentle and gentle appearance, his impression was distorted horribly. He couldn’t help it in front of this man. How could he suppress his anger when he saw him still staying by Noah’s side, who was no different from the culprit of everything?
“Haha… I thought we needed to get along well for the time being, but you guys still don’t understand what I’m saying.”
Tsk tsk, Kyle closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths at Allen’s appearance of shaking his head and clicking his tongue with an exaggerated attitude. He shouldn’t get caught up in that pace.
“Why are you still lingering by his side without letting him go, even though you lost the bet?”
“That’s none of your business.”
He was only pretending to be relaxed on the outside, but in fact, the inside of the man, who was no longer a God but an ordinary man, was not so relaxed. All he was allowed to do was to ask for forgiveness by Noah’s side until his anger was relieved. He might or might not be on the list of candidates when Noah was ready to love someone else properly again.
However, the arrogant Little Duke and the Emperor in front of him, and the Hamilton Little Count, who was scheduled to be the next Vice Minister of the Imperial Household, were different. If Noah fell in love with someone, it would surely be one of those three.
He wanted to kill them. And he had the power to do so.
He had given up his position as God, but he was originally a stronger demon than anyone else even before he became God. He still had the abilities he had as a demon. However, it was clear that Noah would not even allow him to stay by his side in this way if he showed it, so he was pretending to be pitiful even though it didn’t suit him.
‘Stay by my side and constantly ask for forgiveness. As an ordinary human, normally… Watch with your own eyes who I fall in love with and what kind of life I choose to live. That’s the purgatory I’ll give you. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to the long time I’ve been through, but I’ll have to pay you back like that. Watch until you die how lovely I am whispering love to others, not loving you.’
Looking down at the fallen God who had lost his qualifications and landed helplessly on the ground, Noah had said that. The demon, who had completely abandoned the name he had as God and made the name Allen that Noah had given him his true name, became the Empress’s servant and sank deeply into the human world.
“Let’s see, Grand Duke Graham. The Emperor, who is delaying the divorce on the pretext of stabilizing the political situation, or you, who secretly sneaks in as a beast almost every day. The eldest son of Hamilton, who has finally nested in the Imperial Household. The Sorcerer who is making a fuss about transferring his position to the Imperial Sorcerer, and the two knights who are fighting to be in charge of guarding the Empress Palace…”
The last ones were Frederick Hamilton and Kyle Gray… Kyle unknowingly stiffened his shoulders.
“How are you and I so different? After all, everyone is the same in that they are digging into that child’s weak heart and not even granting his last wish to leave freely.”
Do you really think Noah doesn’t know that you’re just circling around because you don’t even have the confidence to face him?
“And that child. Do you really think I can’t feel how much he hates and despises me every time I face him?”
Kyle silently listened to the man’s cynical words without answering. Unlike what they had said about letting him go, they all became cowards when the time came to really let Noah go. Noah readily accepted the indefinite postponement. But… it wouldn’t be long. It was something he had held on to on the pretext that the political situation could be chaotic if the Emperor suddenly divorced at the beginning of his reign. Time kept flowing, but how long could Emperor Adrian use the excuse that it was the beginning of his reign?
“I won’t deny that I was the cause of your and Noah’s pain. But…”
“…….”
“Only go that far in avoiding it. Unless you’re going to be cowardly again.”
While swallowing the words that Noah seemed to be getting lonely lately, the man who was once God smiled brightly. There was no need to say good things to his competitors.
* * *
‘I won’t deny that I was the cause of your and Noah’s pain. But…’
‘…….’
‘Only go that far in avoiding it. Unless you’re going to be cowardly again.’
Allen’s low voice was heard through the slightly opened door. …It seemed that Kyle had come after all. For some reason, I smiled and turned around, leaned against the wall, and slumped down in place.
“Your Majesty the Empress?”
“Shh.”
The people below seemed quite surprised because of my sudden strange behavior after finishing my bath and going into the room, but I only gave the order to be quiet by putting my finger in front of my lips. And when I waved my hand, they all quickly moved away.
Normally, it was an aura that Kyle could never fail to notice… It seemed that Allen had used some trick again.
The cold wind blowing outside was cold, and the floor of the hallway was so cold that it seemed to freeze, but strangely, only a hearty smile like an untimely spring breeze sprang up on my face.
It was said that everything in the world depended on how you felt, but it was so selfish. The bet with Allen, the Royal Wedding… After checking all the things that had been piled up like overdue homework, what should I say… I felt like the tension was relieved. Only then could I feel that the hearts of others, like the sunlight pouring down on me, were not stinging and burdensome, but just warm and soft.
I still couldn’t love anyone. The reason why I couldn’t love anyone while receiving so much excessive love was clearly… because I couldn’t love myself.
The dry winter morning sunlight poured in through the large window on the opposite side. In the window reflecting the cloudless blue sky, my silhouette was faintly visible and disappeared like a mirror or an illusion.
My pale face and blue eyes finally looked pretty to me.
All the countless pasts of mine that had stubbornly endured all the harsh and long, sometimes impossible, times and walked here finally didn’t seem embarrassing.
“Your Majesty the Empress, the Vice Minister of the Imperial Household, Little Count Hamilton, asked if he could apply for an audience around tomorrow afternoon. But I think you originally said you were going to visit the Sun Palace tomorrow afternoon…”
Behind me, I could still hear Kyle and Allen, who were on bad terms with each other, arguing, and in front of me, there was a servant who seemed to be in a lot of trouble waiting for my answer, but strangely, my heart was clear.
I decided to pity my past self, and thus wanted to love my present self.
Who will my future self be in love with?
It was undecided. But I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t worried either. There was no set goal or ending that I had to achieve in my free life, which was no longer a game or a bet.
“Ah, well. Then it wouldn’t be bad to have everyone gather in my palace. Prepare enough refreshments in case other guests come. Tell the Sun Palace that too.”
“Yes. I will follow your orders.”
The marble floor of the hallway, which was warmed by the sunlight, was no longer cold. As I slowly got up and entered the room, I heard the sound of Kyle quickly hiding. I pretended not to know. I would meet him tomorrow anyway. Allen approached with a suspicious expression and wiped my hair with a soft towel, saying that I shouldn’t come out without drying my hair. I sat on the bed and looked up at his face.
“What are you looking at?”
“…No, nothing.”
“How bland.”
The man who could no longer read my mind still had hair that shone brilliantly. It was almost miraculous that no one noticed his dazzling appearance, especially since he shared the same name and similar looks as the Little Count of the Hamilton family, who had officially died not long ago.
It was subtly infuriating. If he was going to pretend he had no abilities left, he should at least stick to the concept until the end…
I entrusted my head to the hands of the reasonably competent new attendant and closed my eyes. It felt as if a comfortable wave was gently embracing my entire body.
It was past noon the next day when Andrew, the Little Count Hamilton, who had become the Vice Minister of the Imperial Household, entered my Empress Palace.
It was as if some vengeful spirit was clinging to him, for Andrew, having secured a position in the Imperial Household, became even more zealous than he had been with the family business he had originally focused on, reportedly working overtime almost every day. It was said that he often slept in his office at the Imperial Palace without going home at all. I could roughly guess the reason why he stayed at the Imperial Palace for so long, but he seemed too afraid to come and see me. He would bury himself in work until he felt he couldn’t bear it any longer, and only then would he finally apply for an audience.
“You’ve come, Brother.”
As expected, he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days, with dark circles under his eyes and a rough complexion that made anyone who saw him feel sorry. I hid my concern and smiled brightly. I knew too well that he would only blame himself again if he knew I was worried about him.
“I greet the Empress. Have you been well?”
He greeted me naturally, but his eyes suspiciously scanned the table. The reception room of the Empress Palace. Besides him and me, who were sitting facing each other, two more sets of teacups were prepared. Andrew seemed to question Allen, who was standing behind me, with his eyes, but Allen ignored Andrew and simply poured warm tea.
Soon, Adrian entered and sat next to me. Andrew frowned slightly before quickly shifting his gaze to the teacup. Now, only one seat remained, next to Andrew.
“Is someone else coming? Surely not that one.”
Adrian glanced at Allen as he spoke, his voice filled with barely concealed anger and murderous intent. He already knew Allen’s true identity, his real purpose, and what he had done to me and them. Such a reaction was only natural. But the problem was that my insolent attendant didn’t even snort, even when standing before a powerful man who could snap the neck of a mere attendant in an instant.
“You, don’t tell me…”
“No way?” Adrian asked vaguely, his voice filled with shock. Every time Allen and they had met, the surroundings had frozen over, so was I now telling them to reconcile over tea?
Considering what Allen had done, even I thought I was making a rash and impulsive decision. I hadn’t forgiven him. I hadn’t forgiven him, but… I couldn’t just let him disappear. My feelings for him were complicated. I hated Allen when he was just God, and I tried not to trust the System, but I felt betrayed when I thought of him as being on my side. But at the same time, he was my only friend, my family, and even a budding love in my many reincarnations.
…Anyway, regardless. Even I wouldn’t dream of some ridiculous fairy tale where I reconciled Allen and them. I squeezed Adrian’s hand tightly, who looked uneasy, and then threw a word into the air, telling him to come out now.
Then, one corner of the wall by the door, where there was clearly no one, shimmered faintly, and Carlisle, looking as if he was being strangled by guilt, staggered over and sat in the empty seat.
“You… knew?”
“Isn’t it stranger not to know when you come here every day like this?”
He wouldn’t have noticed anything until the end if Allen hadn’t subtly informed me, yet he was full of empty words. In any case, it had been a long time since I had properly faced Carlisle, so I was just happy and pleased.
Allen standing one step behind. And the three people sitting at the table with me. With this, everyone who needed to be here was here.
I looked at each person one by one and then steeled my heart.
“We can’t keep going on like this forever, so I thought it was necessary to sort things out, so I called you here.”
“Noah…”
“…….”
“……!”
It wasn’t as if I had said I was leaving right away, but the faces of the three people, who already looked exhausted, turned pale as if they had made a promise. They couldn’t hold me back and were just mumbling with their lips in shock. I felt sorry for them, but at the same time, I felt a sense of relief, so I watched them for a while without adding anything, then opened my mouth again.
“I’m thinking of leaving when winter ends. It would be nice to go to the east and see the sea, or maybe leave the Empire altogether and see various places.”
No one dared to answer my quiet words. They were all feeling similar things, but Adrian’s expression was the most serious, as he didn’t even have the option of abandoning the Imperial Palace and following me.
“But let me warn you… It doesn’t matter to Adrian since he won’t be able to leave the palace for long anyway. I hope that neither Carlisle nor Brother will ever follow me. And if it seems like others will, please stop them.”
Even with their dark expressions, the three men in front of me somehow managed to nod. I had given them enough sickness, so now it was time to give them medicine.
“But, I’ll be back before summer. I want to have one last vacation before I start acting as the Empress in earnest.”
I also wanted to wander around without any burdens, just once. The eyes of different colors that were staring at me, as if they couldn’t understand the meaning of my clear words, were filled with tears. No, it wasn’t that they didn’t understand. It was just that they were afraid of showing expectations again and being hurt again.
“I can’t love anyone yet. So I have no intention of choosing any of you.”
“…….”
“But… I still need you. I don’t want to give your love to anyone else.”
In fact, negative emotions such as the burden and faint fear of being loved unilaterally, and guilt, were still piled up inside me like unresolved problems. The first and last trip I would take alone would be a time to gradually sort out these emotions. I didn’t bother to add such an explanation.
“Noah…”
Just being able to express their love without hiding it… Just realizing that I hadn’t chosen them, but would accept them, made these people, who were so moved, inevitably lovable.
The fact that I couldn’t choose anyone was actually the same as liking everyone with similar feelings. I was still afraid of love. But I wouldn’t deny the fact that I liked them. I had that much courage, like a grain of rice, back.
“If you’re okay with someone like me, if you’re okay with someone like me…”
Can you continue to be with me?
I didn’t think I would be rejected, but my heart was pounding loudly. Adrian grabbed my hand tightly, and Carlisle immediately knelt down in front of me. And what about Andrew, who couldn’t even open his mouth and was crying with his face covered by his hands? It was the strongest and most certain answer.
Seeing Allen subtly patting my back from behind, he seemed quite curious if it was a question that was also allowed for him. I never looked back and didn’t reassure Allen. He was a sly man. I had already caught on to his intentions by not eliminating him and keeping him by my side, yet he was still trying to get an answer until the end. I resolved never, ever, to say anything reassuring to Allen until I died, and took a sip of the lukewarm black tea.
Ah, the sky outside the window was still blue. The winter sky, with fluffy clouds floating here and there, was beautiful today as well.
I looked at the blue sky, like my eyes, and smiled brightly. It was Noah Hamilton’s world, filled only with supreme freedom and love.
The End.