By Zephyria 
Lennox protected me. Adrian had his own means of self-preservation. Not to mention Lennox, who was a knight who had reached the realm of Archmage. …Then, what about Nicole? Lennox, who didn’t even put a shield on the Crown Prince right next to me, even though he had a Magical Artifact. Would he have protected Nicole?
“Noah.”
My body moved unconsciously. Adrian, who noticed that I was about to walk straight into the inferno that was almost in ruins, stopped me with a rather authoritative voice. But no matter how much it was Adrian, he couldn’t stop me now.
“What about Nicole? Your Highness, what about Nicole?”
Adrian didn’t answer and glanced at Lennox. But his eyes weren’t very confident.
The moment I realized that, all the blood in my body turned cold.
I shook off the arm that was holding my shoulder and moved forward recklessly. The musty smoke was thick and the debris of the collapsing building was threatening, but the barrier created by the most powerful Sorcerer of the time didn’t waver at all. The floor was cracked and twisted as if there had been an earthquake, and on top of it, broken pillars and stone fragments from the ceiling were placed like huge Mountain Ranges, enthusiastically blocking my path. The distance between Nicole and me that I had confirmed before the room collapsed was only a few steps, but no matter how much I moved my legs, the distance didn’t narrow easily.
It was when I was about to climb over the suffocating pile of stones that had accumulated in the blink of an eye that I finally fell on my butt. The red eyes of the Archmage, who had flown in silently, were looking down at me sadly. Young Master, he calls me. His voice is not like his usual sly self. It’s somewhat melancholic. It was as if it was the answer to the question I had been wondering about since earlier, and it was too terrible.
“If it were magic, I could have canceled it right away, but… it was a device made of pure machinery and explosives. I’m sorry.”
With that explanation, he easily picked me up, who was still sitting on the floor without being able to get up.
I know that he doesn’t have to be sorry. Rather, it was time to express my gratitude for protecting me so perfectly even in this situation. Haven’t I only been using Lennox until now, taking his favor for me hostage? The most powerful Sorcerer in the world was indeed the most useful and useful tool in finding a way to escape from Allen, and in communicating smoothly with Carlisle and others without attracting the attention of Adrian or others. I have never paid a single penny for using him in that way. I didn’t even promise a future after escaping from Allen, like Carlisle, Adrian, and Andrew.
“What about Nicole?”
“…Young Master.”
“I’m asking, Lennox. Nicole… huh? Nicole is safe, right? You definitely put a shield on Nicole too, right? Right?”
The voice that comes out trembles even though I didn’t want it to. My heart was beating so hard that it was hard to breathe. Even when I thought that familiar Chamberlain had pushed me into Jonas Grachio’s mouth, it wasn’t as dark as it is now.
“……”
Lennox avoided my gaze as if he was ashamed. His head, which was dropped helplessly, was so clearly imprinted on my retina that it hurt too much.
Adrian and Andrew, as well as this Sorcerer, are the same. Their love is blind. It’s a young and immature love that seems to think that only I am important in the world. It means that no matter what happens, they can only save me, only my body, from the flames. If Carlisle was here with me, if, if that were the case, he would have definitely saved Nicole without fail…
“Noah!”
“Young Master!”
Ah, without realizing it, my thoughts jumped to a place that was simply comfortable. I slapped my cheek with a smack. Adrian and Lennox were startled by the sharp sound and shouted, but I didn’t care. Thanks to the tingling pain, I came to my senses.
It was I who failed to save Nicole. It was I who dragged Nicole into this problem.
I tried to control my sobs and silently walked through the uneven path in front of me.
Finally, I climbed over the pile of stones. A charred corpse was lying there like a toy that had been left unfinished. I approached it closely and squatted down. I straightened the arms and legs that were bent at abnormal angles. The soot-covered hair is a soft wheat color.
“Nicole.”
I called.
“……”
No answer comes back.
I just called Nicole again. Did you call me? Nicole’s cheerful voice tickled my ears like a hallucination, but the person who should have answered like that is nowhere to be found. There is no life in the brown eyes that used to look up at me.
I killed Nicole again this time.
The previous Iteration. Nicole was caught trying to smuggle me out of the underground prison, and his head was cut off right in front of me. The small head rolled around on the dirty prison floor. Crimson blood flowed down horribly. Someone sneered at that. Oh, Young Master Hamilton. You’re still a noble, so you even have a servant who shows such loyalty. I vomited, but I hadn’t eaten anything for a long time, so nothing came out.
In fact, last time wasn’t the first time either. Whenever I faced a conclusion that was judged by Allen and those who loved him… Nicole tried his best to save me, and as a result of that effort, he died miserably. So, in some Iterations, I even tried to choose death early before Nicole moved. After all, Nicole doesn’t remember anything and will go back in time again, but that doesn’t mean that the pain he suffered, or has already suffered, didn’t exist.
Again, me. This time too, me. I killed Nicole. It was because of my selfishness. I shouldn’t have dragged Nicole in. Whether I pretended to be capricious or locked him up in the territory, I had to somehow keep Nicole and Mrs. Seymour away from me. That was the way to truly care for them…
‘Don’t hide it when it’s hard, you have to tell me, okay? Got it?’
‘Young Master!’
‘You feel like I’m your younger brother? That’s strange. Looking at what you’re doing, anyone would think that I’m the older brother and you’re the younger brother.’
In those countless Iterations that were repeated countless times. I have never left Nicole’s side. If even Nicole wasn’t by my side, then it would be too lonely… too desperate… I couldn’t help but act spoiled on that small shoulder, and I ended up crushing him to death every time.
“…Noah.”
“……”
“I’m sorry. It may not be comforting, but I will give your servant a title later and hold a generous funeral…”
Someone might applaud it as a glorious death. Since Adrian loves me so much, he might give me a pretty high title. But what glory should I find in a victory trophy placed in front of a dead grave?
“Don’t cry like that. Rather, make a sound. Don’t cry so much that it looks like the world has collapsed, it hurts the person who sees it more… Don’t cry like that.”
From some point on, my face was full of tears. The temperature of my face, which was wet with heat, was unbearably shameful. I shouldn’t express this level as hot.
It must have been painful. It would have been better if his head had been cut off with one blow like last time. Now, I have overcome the repetition of the disconnected section and have hope that I might be able to go to the future… Maybe this time I could have achieved eternal victory…
I couldn’t take my lips off at all. It was because I felt like I would collapse the moment I took my lips off.
I felt Adrian’s hand patting me on the shoulder. He loved me endlessly, he embraced me like a mountain… but that was all.
Adrian was precious, Carlisle was precious, and Andrew was precious. But what is certain is that even if I scrape together all the guilt and affection I feel for them, it wouldn’t even compare to what I have for Nicole alone. Also, it wouldn’t even compare to the size of the sincerity that Nicole has shown me so far.
Is the future with everyone that I gain by losing Nicole so valuable?
Suddenly, I had such a doubt.
Even if it was unavoidable because of the unconsciousness left by the traces of the first life, even if that was my responsibility… While enjoying a ‘happy’ future with them, who threw me into the mud once in a while… Could I forget this terrible wound of losing Nicole today? Can I dare to be happy?
No. I can never do that. Because some deaths cannot be buried even if they are buried in the heart.
Now I fully understand the heart of the Chamberlain, who has been taking care of Adrian, who was a baby, with all his heart, but could never give up his desire for revenge and came to this choice. This resentment was not the kind of thing that would be forgotten even after a few years, or even if there was another precious person with a similar weight around.
If I die… maybe I can go back again?
Allen said that this was really the last time, but still, it’s always been like that so far. If I die now and open my eyes, wouldn’t it be that morning on my seventeenth birthday as always, and I would be able to meet Nicole’s voice saying, Young Master, wake up!
In the brain, which was overwhelmed with overwhelming sadness and despair, such a thought flashed sharply.
Yes. Let’s die. Let’s die and go back again. Even if I can’t go back, it’s enough to just be shattered and disappear as it is. I was soon filled with joy. The smile that bloomed brightly on my face, which was streaming with tears, was so innocently self-righteous.