By Zephyria 
“Then there’s nothing I can do. Alright, I’ll go to Father right away. You stay here and guard the door, and let me know if Noah wakes up and looks for me. It shouldn’t take long.”
The sound of the full skirt of her dress softly brushing against the plush carpet was heard. Beatrice’s footsteps grew further and further away, and soon I was left alone in the room. I opened my eyes wide. Carlisle’s young face, who didn’t even know my name and could only utter muffled screams with a gag in his mouth, was still vivid in my mind.
‘The young Duke Graham, whom you are so worried about, has admirably entered the stage of growth. Right now, it’s not the young Duke Graham whose safety you should be worried about, but those bastards who attacked you. Well… I’m sure you don’t care whether they live or die?’
Lennox, who had whisked me away to his laboratory, had clearly said that on that day. That young Graham had already entered the stage of growth.
Just recalling that fact made new flesh sprout on the heartstrings that had been ravaged by Andrew Hamilton’s sharp tongue. Graham’s growth… was completely different from the emotions of a mere Alpha who had a favorability of over 90 percent, even under the guise of ‘pure love,’ and yet quickly turned his eyes to Allen, or the unstable attachment of my older brother, who gave me vain hope that this time would be different, but then immediately turned his gaze to Allen as soon as he appeared.
For those who had inherited the proud wolf clan’s traits, the only partner they would allow to grow throughout their lives was one person. If Carlisle had already grown because of me, there was no way Allen could reverse it, no matter what he did now. Unless he, like me, lived in a clock that turned back again and again.
“…It’s okay. This is enough.”
I muttered as if to comfort myself. This was enough to avoid the worst-case scenario. Even if all the other Love interests or the Hamilton clan turned to Allen according to the fate, it was already me who had grasped the heart of young Graham. Without the active cooperation of Grand Duke Graham, neither the Crown Prince nor Count Hamilton could drive me, who had been identified as a Dominant Omega, to the lowest and most remote corners of the world like in the previous Iterations.
When I thought of his unwavering gray eyes looking at me, a pang of guilt shook the depths of my heart. Even after seeing that young and tender sprout of affection, I was disgusted by my own calculating nature and impure intentions, as I immediately began to assess my own situation.
Even so, I wanted to see him. I wanted to meet his pure eyes that would be filled with awe at the very fact that I was alive, and I wanted to tell him that I had missed him so much, that I was sorry…, that I was overjoyed to meet him like this…
“Carlisle…”
Carlisle Graham was already the only remaining breathing hole for me.
“Did you have a good time with the young lady? Our young master’s face is beaming for once.”
Nicole, who was sitting across from me in the carriage, smiled brightly as she spoke.
“He’s been having trouble sleeping lately, so I was worried, but today he must sleep soundly without any dreams, okay?”
I didn’t seem to have shown it, but I couldn’t escape Nicole’s eyes, who was like a ghost when it came to things about me. I was looking out the black carriage, and a beat late, I nodded and said, “Yeah.” Perhaps it was because we had a light drinking session after the evening dinner, but my senses were duller than usual. It was already late, close to midnight. At first, I had only planned to have dinner together and return, but the Duchess had offered me a drink.
She said that I was her precious daughter’s best friend, and she had wanted to meet and talk to me for a long time, but her health had been poor, so she was only now offering me a seat, and I couldn’t possibly refuse her kind invitation. Beatrice’s eyes, which were subtly looking at me with an expectant look, were no different from the Duchess’, so I kept laughing without any dignity and had a hard time holding it in.
While we were talking about this and that, I also picked up quite a bit of unexpected news from the North. No matter how urgent my situation was, I had no intention of using Beatrice, who had already become my friend, as an informant… But unlike my intentions, perhaps because the Duchess herself was from the North, high-quality information that I hadn’t even asked for kept pouring out.
According to the Duchess, Grand Duke Graham still had quite a bit of time left until he reached the imperial-style adulthood, but according to the traditions of the North, he had already met the qualifications for adulthood, so he would be coming to the capital around the end of the year. After coming to the capital, he would be stuck there for about a year to narrow down the candidates for the qualified Grand Duchess.
The Grand Duke himself was vehemently expressing his opinion that he didn’t need a spouse and would return to the North immediately after receiving the Blessing ceremony… But for some reason, the Grand Duke was showing a coercive attitude, insisting that he stay in the capital for at least a year, and even in a newly purchased mansion in the center of the city, not the Grand Duke’s townhouse on the outskirts of the capital.
I wonder what my brother is thinking, the Grand Duchess also tilted her head, saying that there were many outstanding Grand Duchess candidates among the nobles of the North, and if he had already ‘grown,’ then the next Grand Duchess was as good as decided, but she didn’t know his intentions. Bringing up growth must have been a mistake she made in her drunkenness as well. I pretended not to hear anything and kept sipping my drink.
“Nicole.”
“Yes, young master.”
“Call the tailor tomorrow. I need to have my winter clothes for the end of the year remade.”
“Hmm? Already? I thought you hated making clothes and didn’t like it…”
“I don’t know. Anyway, you have to pick the best ones and call them. Got it?”
“You can leave that to me.”
The breath I inhaled felt particularly light. After being away from Allen for a while and looking at the current situation objectively, I just found it funny how overly nervous and intimidated I had been. Learned helplessness and long-term defeat had made me afraid in advance. Sticking my teeth out and desperately trying to hold on, saying that this time would be different, was actually just adding a heavy weight to my ankles.
That’s right. I’m afraid of Allen. I can’t even be sure if I’ll be able to protect everything I was so busy losing to him this time as well. I wasn’t tough enough to not open my heart to the people around me because I was afraid of being hurt, and I wasn’t strong enough to laugh off Allen’s appearance as if it were nothing. A sandcastle that crumbles without a trace in a strong wave. That was me.
It felt good to admit it.
But it doesn’t matter. If I collapse, I just have to keep finding things I can do as I collapse. If it’s about permanently wandering through a fierce nightmare that doesn’t even allow death… I’ve already experienced it enough.
Ding, ding, deeeeng…
The clock tower’s bell, ringing at midnight, covered the dark night sky with a very low and heavy sound. The midnight bell, which was rung with thick velvet on the surface of the bell, did not ring the alarm of consciousness like the clear daytime bell, but the dull and comfortable reverberation alone was enough to provide sufficient rest for the tired mind.
It was late when I arrived at the mansion, so I decided to park the carriage quietly at the entrance and walk slowly. Now that the sun wasn’t up, the air was quite chilly. When I took a deep breath, the lingering intoxication disappeared without a trace.
In front of the closed mansion, I let Nicole go in first. I gave the reason that I wanted to walk around the garden a little more alone before going in. Nicole expressed concern that it was too late, but she didn’t object to me, who seemed to be in a good mood for once.
“Sir Kyle. Why don’t you go in too. You just heard, he wants to be alone.”
“But, young master…”
“Does my trustworthy guard not even trust the security within the mansion? My second brother would be very happy to hear that.”
Kyle, who had been following me like a shadow since I left Duke Grachio’s mansion and got into the carriage, suppressing even his breathing, lowered his eyes and took a deep breath, as if his pride had been hurt by the blatant sarcasm, and then bowed deeply and retreated.
The direction of his retreating footsteps wasn’t towards the royal guard’s quarters, but towards the stables. Remembering his habit of riding horses all night when his mind was troubled, I snorted and turned back, walking diligently.
Shadows flickering amidst the profusely blooming stock flowers had been bothering my vision for a while now. The figures, which had been mere dark shapes, became concrete as I approached. Andrew was sitting with his back to the torch on the outer wall, and Allen was standing guard in front of him.
The two of them were chatting about something I couldn’t guess. The atmosphere seemed quite warm.
Allen was the first to meet my eyes. He immediately bowed his head politely, and without showing him any reaction, I turned to Andrew, who was now looking at me, and opened my mouth.
“Brother.”
“…You’re late, Noah.”
“You mentioned earlier, about the simplest way for me to become the ‘real’ Hamilton…”
“……”
“……”
It wasn’t a matter to be discussed in front of a mere servant. Even Andrew, who had been so overbearing and confident during the day, glanced at Allen and didn’t show a sharp reaction.
“Allen, instead of standing there, why don’t you go to the stables and check on my horse? I’m going riding tomorrow, so I’d like you to personally check on its condition by morning. I don’t trust anyone else to do it. Understand?”
“…Yes, I understand.”
One thing settled for now.
“……”
Andrew just stared at me with an unreadable look until Allen had completely disappeared towards the stables and I sat down in front of him without asking for permission.
“Well then… shall we recalculate properly, brother?”
I smiled brightly, not hiding my hostility. The person in front of me was no longer the esteemed Hamilton heir, nor the arrogant older brother who always made me cower.
“I’ve thought about it carefully, and no matter how I look at it, it doesn’t add up. There’s someone who would make me the Crown Princess if I ran into their arms right now, but you want me to be satisfied with just being a Countess.”
“Ha… What? Just?”
“Well, isn’t that the case?”
He was just a lowly Alpha that I could completely capture, keep under my thumb, and wield.
“So, present your price again properly. What, and to what extent, can you do for this younger brother?”