By Zephyria 
My college life is ruined.
Not just ruined, but thoroughly ruined.
Damn it, what? These days, you don’t have to go to freshman orientation or anything? There are plenty of outsiders, and outsiders get along with each other. It was all bullshit. I tried to drift into the great river that is college, relying on rumors floating around the internet, but all I have left is a pathetic list of contacts.
You’re really screwed now. Kang Jun from the past, who tried so hard to get along with others even while hiding his ‘true’ self, whispered. Now it was certain. I had been ignoring it until now, but I couldn’t pretend not to know any longer.
I’m screwed, alright.
But just because I don’t have friends doesn’t mean I don’t have anyone to spend time with.
“Wanna go for a run to celebrate the end of the semester, friend?”
Tsk-. I swallowed the dry air, looking at the message that came two hours ago. Friend. Does he really think of me as a friend? I’ve never thought of Kang Suhyun as a friend, but it seems I exist as a friend within Kang Suhyun’s boundaries. How strange. Or is it because I got a good grade in
Then he should just be grateful, why does he keep bothering me?
“Just so you know, don’t commit the blunder of calling my ill-mannered friend.”
And to this guy, Go Yohan wasn’t a friend, but a ‘friend’.
As the saying goes, after many twists and turns,
Even if I wanted to ignore them, you never know what might happen in life. I realized that the society called university was narrower and less free than I thought, so I answered about one out of every three messages. And the fact that the third message specifically asked for a meeting was such perfect timing that I suspected Kang Suhyun had figured out my reply pattern.
“Aish, seriously.”
“I’m not going. I have to review for my last major exam tomorrow.”
Unlike my replies, which were spaced at least two hours apart, Kang Suhyun’s reply came very quickly.
“Review? Then it’s okay.”
“What do you mean it’s okay?”
“Reviewing is something you do when something is finished. If you haven’t done anything like me, there’s no need to review anything.”
“This trash, is he even a student?”
Seriously, why am I exchanging messages with this guy? I’m genuinely feeling disillusioned with my life. The image of the university that I so desperately wanted to attend is crumbling day by day.
“Why are you living so hard as a freshman? Give up~ You can’t be the top student anyway. Grades are temporary, but friendship is forever. Friend.”
Was Kang Suhyun really the kind of talent that fits this university? If that’s really the case, I feel like dropping out right now and going on the study abroad path I had rejected. “Get lost.” I deleted the reply I wrote in a fit of anger. And I tried to endure it for the sake of my social standing.
“I don’t drink alcohol.”
“You don’t drink alcohol? You haven’t suffered enough.”
“……”
“Taking life as a side dish and having a shot of soju with pork belly. If you haven’t had a hard time, you don’t know that taste.”
“I’m going to ignore your reply.”
“Aish, then what are you doing now? Are you kidding me~ Are you being cute~.”
“I’m going to block you.”
“No! If you block me, three generations of your family will go bald.”
I should block him after all. I made that decision right now.
I was about to firmly put Kang Suhyun’s phone number on the block list. One last message came rushing in. Kang Suhyun should be grateful for his faster typing skills than me. If it hadn’t been for that message, Kang Suhyun probably would never have been able to get out of my blacklist.
“Hey, I’m taking care of you because I’m a Gang-ssi like you. I’m worried that a pure young man from Jinju Gang-ssi who came up from our hometown might get a taste of the sour Seoul, so come without any burden lol.”
Ah, no. I should block him after all.
“And I have something to say. It’s a pretty important story.”
Only then did I stop the gesture of adding him to the block list. Deep down, I felt uneasy about his serious words and ended up in a conflict that I would never have had. The moment the variable of conflict arose, Kang Suhyun’s victory was already sealed. Damn it. I got up and grabbed my coat and wallet.
“I’ll take a taxi. Send me the address.”
“^,<♥"
"Aish, damn it."
I hurriedly turned off the screen, feeling like I had seen something terrible. And I turned around to go out the front door, but changed direction. The tightly locked room. I hesitated several times before heading towards it and knocking on the door. There was no response.
"Yohan, are you asleep?"
I waited for a long time, but still nothing. I lowered my hand that was knocking on the door and carefully grabbed the doorknob.
"Can I come in for a second?"
Again, I carefully waited for a response, but it was still quiet. At this point, it was clear that he couldn't hear me. With that conviction, I quietly opened the door. It was because I knew that no answer would come anyway. A small breath could be heard in the pitch-black darkness.
"......"
And I could see Go Yohan in the dim light. The silver light that came down through the window landed on his cold skin, illuminating his elegant and clear features. The color reflected in the water filled Go Yohan's room.
For almost a month, Go Yohan had been walking around with a face that showed he couldn't sleep at all. In addition, he would come home late at night. I wanted to ask him what was going on that he was so late, but his already depressed face was covered with exhaustion, so he looked like a person who had been worn out, or should I say, he looked dangerous? Anyway, it seemed like he had a story that shouldn't be touched.
Moreover, he was a guy with a lot of pride, so I couldn't ask him what was wrong. I was just waiting for him to tell me first. Maybe he's studying for exams. He's the type who would never want to show anyone that he's working hard. So I didn't want to wake him up.
I just stood by the door and whispered softly.
"Good night."
Go Yohan's quiet, gentle breath was enough of an answer. I quietly closed the door so that no sound could be heard, and left the front door without even making a light footstep.
Suddenly, a box of Tonic was placed in front of me. Tonic at a cheap all-you-can-eat meat restaurant. It couldn't be more bizarre than this. This amazing unidentified box was presented by Kang Suhyun with a proud expression. He was even wiggling his body with a proud expression. I wondered what it was, but it was for me to receive.
There was a part on the box that was densely painted with black marker. It was so roughly painted that one letter could be seen between the diagonal lines.
'Hyun'
It's obvious. It wouldn't have been mine originally.
"What is it?"
As I sat down and scanned the box up and down, Kang Suhyun pointed to the 'Tonic' written on the front of the box. No, that's not what I was wondering. I looked at Kang Suhyun with a suspicious face.
"I meant, why are you showing this to me?"
"Actually, my house runs a traditional medicine clinic."
"Yeah. Congratulations."
"It's not like I went to traditional medicine school, what are you congratulating me for?"
"Okay, I'm not congratulating you."
"Why do I feel so sad?"
Kang Suhyun flared his nostrils and covered his chest with one hand at the same time. But is that any of my business? Ignoring Kang Suhyun's nonsense, I casually swept the bangs that kept falling down to the side, probably because I hadn't styled them lately. But a few strands of thin hair fell forward again.
While I was focusing on my hair, Kang Suhyun loudly hit the box. I looked at Kang Suhyun again at the heavy sound. Kang Suhyun, who met my eyes, was wearing a proud expression for some reason.
"It's yours."
"Mine?"
A question mark popped up in my head. I turned my gaze back to the part where the black marker was fiercely scribbled.
'Hyun'
Hmm, I don't think so at all.
"I specially brought it for you, for you living alone in Seoul."
But Kang Suhyun stubbornly expressed his false opinion. I don't know if this guy is pure or stupid. I let out a sigh that came out naturally. Kang Suhyun, who heard my lament, asked me.
"What? Why?"
"The 'Hyun' written in the corner wasn't erased."
"Ah, that? That's right. That's right."
What's right? Kang Suhyun awkwardly smiled and suddenly covered the black part painted with marker with his palm. Then he pulled the box towards him and put it on the floor.
"I wrote Soo-hyun's expression. I didn't have a place to write a memo, so I hurriedly wrote it here."
"......"
I see. Kang Suhyun is stupid. That's for sure.
"Eat, eat. Eat the meat first. You can eat as much as you want."
"This is all-you-can-eat."
"That's why it's okay."
"Okay......"
I shouldn't have said anything. I sat on the edge of the chair and expressed that unknown, empty feeling of not knowing what to say or how to act.
"You're right."
"Right? You've finally agreed with the logic of this promising physics genius?"
I wasn't praising him. And he took it that way again. He arbitrarily accepted my helplessness as praise. Kang Suhyun, who was shameless to the point of being brazen, proudly raised his soju glass. In addition, strange words were a bonus.
"For our hot friendship."
"......"
Why am I still in contact with Kang Suhyun? I should cut him off right now. While lamenting my wrong choice, I didn't pick up the glass in front of me until the end.
Still, Kang Suhyun seemed to like my attitude of accepting him to the end, and winked one eye in a frivolous manner like someone with pinkeye. And he dropped the last famous line that made me regret the choice to come to this place.
"Let's get wet."
Damn it, you shouldn't receive other people's kindness so readily. I almost died trying to desperately change my frown into a smile. The glass in my hand was clearly shaking. I will never go out again even if Kang Suhyun calls me. Never. I swear.
"I, I'll just get wet with water."
"Friend! You're really ruining the mood!"
But Kang Suhyun trampled on my efforts mercilessly. He made a face that looked threatening in his own way and shook his shoulders offbeat.
"Drink, drink, drink, drink, the alcohol is going in. Chug, chug, chug, chug."
"What are you doing......"
Did it really have to be like this? Because the guy with the loud voice happened to shout, "How long are you going to make me dance?" I had to lower my reddening face and shout.
"Okay. I'll drink! Please stop."
First, I was going to take just a small sip to shut Kang Suhyun up. That's what I was going to do.
"Where are you pulling a fast one from, you bastard."
Kang Suhyun raised his body halfway and put his palm under the glass I was holding and pushed it up. Damn it. Half of the soju that was full in the small glass went into my mouth, and half dripped down my chin.
"Ah, seriously."
Should I throw this small glass on the floor and go home now? A strong impulse arose. No, let's be patient. I'm an adult. That's right. I'm an adult. I wiped the soju flowing on my chin with the back of my hand, shook my thighs, and said with gritted teeth.
"It all spilled."
"'Spilled' instead of 'spilled'? It's not a regrettable tone at all."
"Of course. It tastes like I'm going to throw up from the start."
"Jun-i is still young. It's just sweet like a drink to me."
"......"
"I didn't know when I was a high schooler, but after becoming an adult and drinking it, I understood what it meant to say that alcohol is sweet."
Kang Suhyun continued, sipping the soju left in the glass with a deep look in his eyes.
"It means you've suffered. You have to go through it to know. This taste."
I should ignore the messages Kang Suhyun sends twice, and now I should ignore them forever. The words he was seriously spouting were so disgusting that I was about to die. What's with the word 'high schooler' again. I can already see this guy's high school days. What soju. He must have only sipped a few mouthfuls of soju that he put in his water bottle during the school trip.
"Aren't you being too pretentious?"
"Pretentious? Try drinking it first. And you know it's easy to control your pace if you know your alcohol tolerance, right? You can go out in one go if you drink it wrong. If you don't want to make a shameful thing that you don't even remember, learn it from me on this occasion. I know how to drink a little. You know that the engineering department is a den of alcohol, right?"
The momentum of pointing to himself with his thumb is quite imposing. The way he lowers his eyes and speaks with the glass in his mouth is really unsightly. He's trying to look cool in his own way, but.
"What a show-off."
"What did you say?"
"It's nothing."
"Ahmgehdae yaenaeyae."
"......"
I forced a smile and emptied the filled glass. The intention to get over it vaguely worked exactly as Kang Suhyun praised me for emptying the glass at once.
"Oh, Jun-i, you know how to drink a little?"
As the saying goes, the second glass went down coolly.
I stared at the empty glass and scratched between my neck and shoulder. Kang Suhyun's praise had a strange power. Strangely, Kang Suhyun tended to praise me more than Go Yohan, so I might have taken that praise more sensitively than anyone else. So I felt a little proud.
Honestly, who knows if I have a hidden talent for drinking. You never know. I secretly felt like I knew how to drink a little because my stomach was calm even after drinking soju in one shot.
While I was secretly surprised by my potential that I didn't even know about, four new bottles of soju were placed on the table. Kang Suhyun ordered them all. Kang Suhyun showed a strange talent for grabbing the neck of the bottle with dew on it, shaking it violently, and turning it over to open the lid. Then he poured soju into my glass and said this.
"This? It's to get rid of the poison."
It was a generous expression as if leading somewhere. At this point, I'm confused whether it's a concept or serious. Despite my hesitation, I smiled and reluctantly nodded.
"Ah, uh, okay."
And Kang Suhyun was stronger in alcohol than I thought. I guess the engineering department is really a den of alcohol. He was still fine even after drinking three bottles of soju. He even finished the amount while I only drank seven glasses. Then was what he said earlier really serious? That's more terrible, so I decided not to think about it anymore. Let's believe it's a concept.
"One bottle the first time you drink? You have some talent?"
I think I know the real reason why I hate Kang Suhyun but never cut off contact with him. This Kang Suhyun guy is really good at praising me. Thanks to that, my nose is a little high. I touched the tip of my nose with my finger, feeling like my nose would soon pierce the sky.
"I didn't know, but I can drink a little."
"Ah, man. A real man. Keu."
The thumb, which is strangely short compared to the other four fingers, was raised towards me. At that, I made an unnecessary clearing throat sound and scratched near my chest with my hand, but I didn't stop the excessive praise. Honestly, it felt good to be praised. It was a strange feeling that I had never experienced before, a strangely floating feeling.
"So I-, our real man. Unlike others in Sex and Seong, the presenter who received Professor's praise for taking a cliché topic. I have something I want to ask the magical man who observed one friend and won over the Professor."
"Hey. That's not right."
But that tone made me feel down. Is this bastard mocking me now? The tone of the guy whose mind seemed to have left the world was different from the way the guys I met in high school spoke, so I couldn't guess. Suddenly, the guy's strange praise, which I couldn't understand the intention of, felt uncomfortable.
"Friend. If you're twenty, you should be doing love business......"
Now he's starting the introduction. Finally. The price for barely drinking one bottle to keep up with Kang Suhyun's pace has come. Now I'll hear the important words. I was happy that there was finally a sign that this tedious meeting would end, so I responded.
"Cut off the introduction and tell me the main point quickly."
Strangely, the way he spoke was a little direct. Thanks to that, my eyes widened. Why did I just do that? I tried to cover my mouth first, but fortunately, Kang Suhyun didn't seem to care at all. Only I was conscious.
"Your friend."
"Huh?"
"Can you set me up on a blind date with your friend?"
What. You didn't really have to put out the main point from the start. It was a really sudden and blatant main point. And the feeling that had been floating all along plummeted to the floor.
"......Why?"
"Hey, why are you looking at me so scary."
"Why, why, why."
“That’s… No, but aren’t you staring at me too intensely?”
How could my face look pleasant then, you little shit. I forcefully smoothed out the space between my eyebrows and stretched my lips wide, but I couldn't control the twitching muscles in my face.
“Why-y?”
“Yeah, well, there’s no need to feel inferior. It’s not a big deal when you hear it. Um, a picture of your friend was uploaded to SNS, and So-yeon’s friend’s friend saw it. Anyway, they all saw it.”
“SNS? So-yeon?”
“Yeah, Park So-yeon.”
It wasn’t an unfamiliar name, as I’d been hearing it subtly while doing homework. Kang Soo-hyun always said So-yeon this, So-yeon that, attaching the name to the end of every sentence, so I remembered it. There were more than a few times I wanted to shut Kang Soo-hyun’s mouth then. I was already dying of shame because of the guilt I felt whenever I heard that name. I never thought that name would come up again in this context.
“Go Yohan doesn’t use SNS.”
“It wouldn’t look good if it was uploaded to his own account. The unlucky thing is that your friend’s… friend uploaded a picture they took together to their account, and it popped up on So-yeon’s friend’s friend’s account. Got a ton of likes. ‘He’s so handsome,’ blah blah blah… Don’t tell your friend what I just said.”
This sucks. It’s not inferiority. It felt like a dead butterfly was fluttering inside me.
“So that friend wants you to introduce them to Go Yohan?”
“So-yeon was against it. Said he’s got a shitty personality, a corner of his personality that grates on people’s nerves, a personality destroyer. But that friend insisted, insisted that they absolutely had to be introduced, so they kept pestering So-yeon.”
Kang Soo-hyun’s long-winded explanation continued, really long-winded. My chest felt tight and suffocated, so I grabbed the beer on the table and gulped it down. It was just what caught my eye. The stinging liquid made my insides burn. Yeah, it’s all because of the beer.
“No way.”
“So I said, just once… Huh?”
Faint steam formed on the cup, following the shape of my hand. My heart pounded fiercely. Finally, my original, slightly unkind and very prickly way of speaking popped out of my mouth. It wasn’t intentional at all.
“He has a girlfriend.”
“…He has a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, he does.”
“No way.”
“Why no way? Yes way. Go Yohan is handsome, smart, rich, tall, and kind.”
“Kind? Are you out of your mind?”
“Anyway, he has one. He does. His girlfriend is super jealous, so if she finds out about something like that, it’ll be a disaster. Don’t you dare go directly to him and bring up this kind of talk if I refuse here. It’ll be a real problem.”
“His girlfriend has a bit of a temper?”
“She’s even more of a personality destroyer than Go Yohan, twisted and even sinister. Totally awful. She’s garbage.”
“Why are you tearing down someone else’s girlfriend like that… Your personality.”
Kang Soo-hyun gave me a look that seemed disappointed in me. Not my problem.
“It’s not hard to reject a blind date anyway.”
So reject it. Just reject it. I gripped the glass tightly and commanded inwardly.
But Kang Soo-hyun, who should have said yes, just hesitated. I couldn’t bear it without hearing a definite answer. My heart, which had been beating wildly, pounded as if it would burst.
“Right?”
“Ah, that’s a bit…”
“What is it?”
“It’s a bit hard to refuse So-yeon’s request.”
“Do you owe her something?”
A slight headache returned. I pressed the outside of my forehead with my fingers and asked. Kang Soo-hyun’s mouth wouldn’t open, and I felt like I was going to burst with frustration.
So this time, I reached out and gulped down the beer in front of Kang Soo-hyun as well. Then, wiping the liquid from my mouth with the back of my hand, I said,
“Tell her you’ll pay her back with something else.”
“So-yeon, So-yeon’s request is a bit. That…”
“She’s not the type to make requests that put people in a difficult position, is she?”
“Right, right. Ah, but…”
“But what?”
Kang Soo-hyun, who hesitantly took the cup I had taken, looked at me cautiously. Then, he poured the beer into the cup he was drinking from and gulped it down. Thud. The glass bottle hit the table.
“Yeah! I’m doing well with So-yeon, so it’s a bit difficult to refuse So-yeon’s request!”
“…Doing well? You? With Park So-yeon?”
“Yeah, that’s why!”
Suspicion piled on top of frustration. After looking at Kang Soo-hyun’s appearance in front of me, I recalled Park So-yeon’s neat appearance in my memory and found the answer. I leaned back against the backrest and shook my hand firmly. Let’s just get straight to the conclusion.
“No, you’re not. So reject it.”
“Not? What do you mean not, friend?”
“You’re mistaken.”
It was certain. If I were Park So-yeon, I would never date Kang Soo-hyun. I judged based on the given conditions. However, Kang Soo-hyun’s face flushed at my certainty. It seemed he couldn’t believe my words.
“Mistaken? Ha, friend. What do you know? About the history between me and So-yeon? How could you, in your arrogance, understand the solid and close relationship built on humanity? Do you even know love? Hey, So-yeon saw my inner self.”
“I don’t know if your inner self is really that good, but your inner self isn’t as good as you think it is.”
I corrected Kang Soo-hyun’s misunderstanding again.
This was, in a way, my secret apology to Park So-yeon, who had been unluckily entangled. I already felt sorry for getting her involved with Go Yohan, and I didn’t want to involve her with Kang Soo-hyun as well. However, I couldn’t help but be taken aback by the sight before my eyes. Kang Soo-hyun was trembling like a soaked hamster.
“That’s just your jealousy, because you only have an outer shell.”
This guy is hopeless. I straightened my back again and asked Kang Soo-hyun directly.
“Let’s judge this calmly. Has So-yeon ever contacted you first?”
At my question, Kang Soo-hyun’s expression hardened. But soon, as if something was boiling up inside him, he lowered his lips and pointed at me firmly with his index finger, answering,
“She always answers when I contact her. We contact each other every day!”
“Friends contact each other every day too.”
“My friends don’t, though? They said contacting a girl every day means there’s something between them.”
“Then has she ever contacted you to meet up alone?”
Kang Soo-hyun’s eyes searched the air, then he raised his index finger strongly towards me.
“I said let’s grab a meal sometime, and she readily agreed!”
“Besides words, have you actually eaten a meal alone together?”
It seemed like Kang Soo-hyun’s eyes were getting more and more moist. But again, not my problem.
“Has she ever sent you a message first, asking to eat a meal alone together?”
It’s also not my problem that the index finger that had been pointing at me so firmly was now bent. Kang Soo-hyun, who couldn’t answer my question until the end, finally closed his eyes tightly. He had finally admitted his defeat.
“You… You, you are… Really… Why are you being like this today?”
Kang Soo-hyun was childish to the extreme. He resented me like a kindergartener and then collapsed onto the table. Because of that, the chopsticks fell to the floor. The clattering sound pierced my ears.
Ah, I get it.
“Hey.”
I patted Kang Soo-hyun’s head, which was face down, without much sincerity. I was trying to comfort him.
“You like her, don’t you.”
Kang Soo-hyun’s head twitched slightly. I hit the nail on the head. I took my hand away from his stiff hair. But I felt unpleasant because the lukewarm 36.5-degree sensation remained. I secretly wiped my hand, which felt like it was going to rot because of the subtle warmth, on the edge of the table and said,
“Then shouldn’t you apologize to her? She’d be really upset if she knew about this situation.”
“Is that, is that something a human should say?”
Kang Soo-hyun mumbled, face down. But I’m probably an angel to that person. That’s what I think. And Han Tae-san said I have a clumsily kind side. I used to think he was crazy, but now I agree a little. I’m kinder than Kang Soo-hyun, who likes Park So-yeon. And I’m giving Park So-yeon, who is at least kinder than Kang Soo-hyun, words that will be helpful. I conveyed my thoughts as gently as possible.
“And try to reduce contact for her sake. Got it? She might feel very burdened.”
“Asshole. Son of a bitch. Bad guy…”
“Soo-hyun, I’m saying all this for your own good. You’ll think it was good to remain friends later.”
I sincerely said the solution that would be most helpful in both of their lives, but looking at Kang Soo-hyun’s face, which had lifted up, it seemed he hadn’t taken it that way at all. That pitiful fool. Kang Soo-hyun grabbed the Tonic box that had been placed on the floor and slowly pulled it under the chair.
“…I even bought the Unlimited ride pass in advance to go to the amusement park together on Christmas.”
Christmas? Amusement park? Unlimited ride pass? He’s really going far. Where on earth did he go alone?
“I don’t think you should give it to her.”
“Then what can I do!”
“Cut off contact.”
“You son of a bitch!”
His fist slammed the table violently. The small ceramic dishes rattled with the loud noise. But for me, who went to an all-boys high school with Go Yohan, such clumsy swearing wasn’t scary at all, so I didn’t even bat an eye and just sipped the remaining soju.
Perhaps because my reaction was lackluster and not very good, Kang Soo-hyun changed his approach and began to whine, covering his face with one hand.
“Why do you judge the relationship between me and So-yeon like that?”
Why? It’s simple. Just recall the face that person was initially attracted to. It’s obvious even without asking. Park So-yeon is probably an honest woman who is clear about faces, height, and body types.
“You’re not handsome.”
“But I’m not ugly either.”
“……”
“Wow, look at you not saying it until the end. Consideration overload.”
Kang Soo-hyun, whose lower lip was trembling, glared at me subtly and said,
“Now I know why you hang out with that friend.”
“Huh?”
“Among the guys I’ve counseled, there hasn’t been anyone as vicious, malicious, and wicked as you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you bastard. What? There’s no Tonic for you anymore. This actually says Kang Soo-hyun on it. Didn’t know that, did you? Feeling betrayed? Now you know how scary people from Seoul are? You bad… bad guy!”
But why now, when things were going so well. Why is he suddenly bursting into tears at this timing?
I got goosebumps in a different sense. It was because the gazes of the customers filling the crowded store were directed this way. ‘What’s wrong, why is he like that.’ Eyes that didn’t contain any favor were shooting at me directly. I’m going crazy. I felt cold sweat running down my neck and lowered my head.
But that didn’t mean the gazes that made me self-conscious were withdrawn. I slightly pushed the chair back and then, as if nothing had happened, spoke to the employee.
“What time does this place close?”
I said that thinking that if they said it was open late, I would pretend to be in a hurry because of the last train and run out. It wasn’t particularly meant for Kang Soo-hyun to hear. However, Kang Soo-hyun awkwardly straightened his back and continued to resent me.
“The only thing that will heal this wound is opportunity cost.”
“Huh?”
“This is an economic opportunity.”
What. Is this guy drunk?
“You have to take care of my Unlimited ride pass.”
This is like a robber. What a sight, distorting his mouth as if he was wronged and shaking his hand. I was speechless and dumbfounded.
“I’m sorry. I don’t really want to.”
“You, you can’t do that.”
“No, what can’t I do.”
“Because guys like you are walking around on the streets, ordinary people like us get relative evaluations. You know? Huh? The world needs proportional equality. You know? When you need one wooden box to see the baseball game over the fence, I need three boxes. You bastard. You have a duty to compensate me for the damage I’m suffering because of you. You can’t live in the world alone.”
I let out a hollow breath at the absurd claim. It wasn’t a laugh, just a hollow breath that burst out.
“Putting me aside, what do you mean by ‘you guys’?”
“Putting you aside, what, are you admitting it? Are you showing off to me now that you’re handsome?”
“What am I supposed to do.”
“You only hang out with guys who have unlucky faces like you. Are you discriminating against people based on their faces?”
“What discrimination.”
What discrimination. The rebuttal stopped. It wasn’t wrong. I was stricter with men’s faces than women’s faces. Well, isn’t that naturally unavoidable as a human being. I was born that way. I quickly corrected myself and changed my words.
“I think it’s instinct.”
“Wow, consideration overload.”
Kang Soo-hyun shook his head, pointing at me repeatedly. Then he quickly took out his wallet from his pocket and took out two tickets from inside, the ends of which were a bit crumpled.
“Christmas is a hole in the amusement park this year. I found out from my friend in the statistics department.”
“A hole? Christmas is crowded everywhere.”
“What does a liberal arts student know? Do you know statistics? Huh? Do you know future predictions through variable calculations?”
“What do science students know about academics? Liberal arts students learn statistics too.”
“But you wouldn’t have the passion to worry your head off for a date. Have you ever racked your brain to plan a date? Have you ever tried to create the best date course to please the other person, huh?”
“……”
I have nothing to say. Rather, I thought, why are you working so hard on something like that. Perhaps that thought was revealed in my expression, because Kang Soo-hyun suddenly shouted with heat and passion.
“That’s why handsome guys are no good. They think their face is Disneyland!”
“Ah, I get it. Be quiet. Everyone’s looking.”
“Let go, let go.”
Kang Soo-hyun, who no one was holding, seriously told me to let go and continued his words.
“If the owner of the studio apartment is handsome, they think it’s a theme park and a Hilton hotel? What, do you think you smell like fragrant sweat even if you don’t shower? It’s all an illusion! Men all smell the same, like stale sweat.”
“I don’t smell like stale sweat.”
“Don’t just say selfish things to save yourself.”
“Haa……”
I think again. Why do I often get involved with guys with such strange personalities? Looking at Kang Soo-hyun, who was getting heated up in front of me, it was time to redefine the category of ‘normal.’
It seems the answer came out in Consideration 1. The number of samples is perfect if you add up all the men I met in elementary school, middle school, high school, and university. It’s at least over a thousand. Kang Soo-hyun, one of those ‘samples,’ pushed the tickets in front of me. But half of them were soaked in the soju he spilled.
“So you buy my Unlimited ride pass.”
“Why do I have to buy it?”
“You can go to the amusement park with your friend on Christmas. No. You have to go.”
“……Friend?”
For a moment, I doubted what I had heard. I probably even swallowed once.
“Wh-why would I?”
I even stuttered because I was flustered. Like when you eat ice cream too quickly and get a mild frostbite on your tongue. I didn’t know what to say here at all. At that time, my vision was filled with Kang Soo-hyun’s lips. The ends of his lips, which still had traces of shredded scallions, parted.
Ugh.
“You have to suffer too. You have to feel the pain of being stuck with a guy on a national day of romance. If I can’t do it, you can’t do it either. You can’t, you can’t write history alone. You can’t enjoy it alone.”
The stinging pain quickly disappeared somewhere. All that remained was a feeling of absurdity. So you’re telling me to buy pain with money? The situation didn’t change even when I looked at him with a dumbfounded expression.
“You have a really bad personality.”
I scanned Kang Soo-hyun with a contemptuous look, then frowned and turned my gaze away.
Still, it’s interesting. So this is what an amusement park ticket looks like. Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve seen one. Of course. Because it’s a place that has nothing to do with me. Yeah, a place that has nothing to do with me. For me. A ticket that’s crumpled at the end and half-soaked. Amusement park. A day for lovers.
“……”
Suddenly, my lips felt dry. I don’t know why I was so hot and bothered. I moistened my tense lips with my tongue. And then, after smoothing my now-dry pants with the palm of my hand, I carefully opened my mouth.
“How much are you selling them for?”
Hmm. Kang Soo-hyun, who had been groaning alone, suddenly brightened his face and spread out ten fingers.
“Uh, um, I’ll give you a discount to three sets.”
“30,000 won? Isn’t that too cheap?”
Or is it? Is that the right price? I don’t know because I’ve never been to an amusement park. I don’t know because I’ve never even thought about going. Because my parents were so busy, my ordinary memories were much weaker than others.
“Are you crazy? Of course, it’s three 50,000 won sets!”
I knew it was cheap.
Well, it is a bit unscrupulous not to give a discount on a crumpled ticket like this. While thinking that even Kang Suhyun has a sense of Moral obligation, I hesitated and stumbled, dropping my wallet several times. Feeling unnecessarily guilty, I cleared my throat, took out 150,000 won from my wallet, and held it out to Kang Suhyun, who snatched it away as quickly as a fish caught on a fishing rod.
“No refunds.”
“You said you were giving me a discount. If I get it cheap, a refund is a bit much, don’t you think?”
Isn’t that obvious? I frowned and replied, and Kang Suhyun’s expression turned strange.
“You…”
“What.”
“You’re slurring your words, you must be drunk.”
“No, I’m not.”
What is he talking about now? I shook my head without relaxing my furrowed brow. Then Kang Suhyun looked back and forth between the ticket, the 150,000 won, and my face, and suddenly asked me to do something weird.
“Say, ‘The giraffe picture I drew is a well-drawn giraffe picture, and the giraffe picture you drew is a poorly drawn giraffe picture.'”
“Ah, no.”
“Just try it once.”
“Why are you making me do this?”
I was annoyed, but I thought it would be better to just finish it quickly. Annoyed by Kang Suhyun’s constant nagging, I opened my mouth.
“The giraffe I drew is a well-giraffe giraffe, and the giraffe you drew is a poorly giraffe giraffe picture.”
“Yep.”
“I did well.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk. I got it all right just now.”
“No, you didn’t get anything right.”
Funny. I scoffed and shouted again.
“Listen carefully. The giraffe I drew is a giraffe… Wait, let me try again. I, I giraffe giraffe…”
Giraffe, drew, drew, picture… I stuck out my tongue slightly, which wouldn’t untangle properly, and relaxed. I definitely got it all right a moment ago. Why is it like this all of a sudden? I took a deep breath, bit my lip, and then opened my mouth forcefully again.
“I, I giraffe picture drew is!”
And my sentence was not completed. It was because of Kang Suhyun, who suddenly looked at his watch, struck a pose, and muttered with a greasy smile.
“Remember. The time is now 9:38.”
“…I, I picture. Ahem. Ahem!”
“Your alcohol tolerance. One bottle of soju, three glasses of beer. That’s your limit. And that’s the difference between you, who’s completely wasted, and me, who’s still fine.”
What is he saying? I was speechless and just sat still, but Kang Suhyun delivered the final blow.
“You’re quite the heavy drinker for a first-timer.”
“No, I’m not drunk. Look at me now. I’m speaking properly.”
“I cut you off at the right time. If you drink one more glass here? You’ll go straight to paradise.”
He keeps getting on my nerves. Normally, I would have just buried my annoyance and said, “Ah, okay,” but for some reason, I couldn’t stand the childish unpleasantness of being teased like a child. Out of spite, I snatched the soju bottle right in front of Kang Suhyun and filled my glass.
“No, no, if I let you drink that, I’ll have to take responsibility. Hmm, hmm, that’s a very bad choice.”
“What if I drink it and don’t get drunk?”
“One hundred percent, you’ll lose your memory from here.”
“Then let’s bet…”
I was just about to bring the glass to my lips. The cell phone that had been tossed somewhere on the table flashed and then rang louder and louder. My gaze turned, and the name of the caller cut off the words I was about to say.
‘Go Yohan’
I quickly swiped away the grease that covered the screen with my palm and pressed the call button.
“Hello.”
-Where are you?
Straight to the point without even a greeting. I pouted slightly.
“Who is it?”
Kang Suhyun stretched his neck and asked from the front. I lightly ignored Kang Suhyun.
“I’m having dinner. I just came out alone because you were sleeping.”
-Where are you?
Ah, I didn’t say where I was. I lightly slapped my cheek and opened my mouth again.
“It’s an all-you-can-eat barbecue restaurant… The address is… ”
“Wh-who is it? Who was sleeping? Don’t tell me it’s who I think it is?”
“The address is a bit complicated. It’s about 30 minutes by taxi.”
-Then write down the address and send it to me. I’ll go.
“You’re coming here?”
-Yeah.
He must have just woken up. I paused for a moment and looked at my watch. 9:50 is an awkward time. I didn’t want to make him drag his tired body out after studying, so I hesitated for a moment and sniffed.
“The restaurant will be closing soon.”
-I don’t care. I’m going to escort you home.
“It’s okay because I’m going home soon anyway.”
“Good job! Tell him not to come!”
Rustling sounds were heard over the speaker. The sound of something being picked up, the sound of footsteps moving. The sounds were quite hectic, so I quickly spoke up.
“I’m really okay.”
-I’m not going because of you.
“Ah, is that so?”
How embarrassing. I scratched my ear. He should have said that earlier. I unnecessarily listed a bunch of embarrassing lines. I felt Kang Suhyun, who had already gotten up, grab my shoulder and shake it, but I leaned my ear closer to the speaker. Then I’ll send you the address… I was about to say that.
-I’m going to kill Kang Suhyun. The guy next to you is Kang Suhyun, right?
Never mind. I gave a firm answer to the firm question.
“I’ll just go home first.”
-No, send me the address. It’s okay.
“O-okay.”
Well, Go Yohan wouldn’t listen even if I tried to stop him. I’ll just send him any barbecue restaurant near the intersection and wait there. It was a discrepancy between words and actions, but it was a strategy for Kang Suhyun’s sake. Still, I feel a little sorry for Kang Suhyun, who keeps shaking me now.
“What did he say? Is he not coming? Did you say you’d just go?”
“Then hang up. I’ll search for the location right away and send it to you.”
“What? Why are you searching for the location? What are you sending!”
-Okay, see you later.
“Okay. See you later.”
Even after the call ended, I couldn’t bring myself to press the power button. Strangely enough, the end, which used to be ruthless, now had a subtle lingering feeling. It felt like a conversation I didn’t want to miss, even the subtle white noise and breathing that caught my ear. When the rustling sounds didn’t stop even after a few times, I spoke first.
“Hang up first.”
-You hang up.
“Okay, I’ll hang up?”
The playful words returned as a low, throat-clearing laugh. He definitely just woke up. His voice, heavy with sleep, tickled my ear.
-Okay, you hang up.
I don’t know why I like his low voice, which is subtly mumbling. I scratched the opposite ear of my phone for no reason and then hung up without a word. I just felt like scratching my whole body. And as I looked at the dirty screen filled with apps, I burst out laughing without realizing it.
I must be crazy. I shook my head slightly and turned my gaze to the source of the noise, which had been constant. There was Kang Suhyun, raising his shoulders and baring his teeth like a frightened wildcat.
“…What are you doing.”
“Was that your friend just now?”
At those words, I looked at the screen again and nodded nonchalantly. At the same time, Kang Suhyun turned pale. Why is he so terrified? I was the one who was dumbfounded.
“Tell him not to come.”
“No way.”
“No, why? It’s late, and your friend will have a hard time. It’s very, very rude. Let’s change our minds. Let’s call him.”
“I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to see Go Yohan right now.”
“Huh?”
Why is he making such a dumb expression? Isn’t it obvious? I opened my mouth without erasing the feeling of floating on clouds again.
“I said no because I want to see Go Yohan right now.”
I grinned widely at Kang Suhyun, who didn’t understand like an idiot. Well, what would a science major know? I suddenly thought I had said too many unnecessary things to Kang Suhyun, but I just brushed it off because I had to search for the address to send to Go Yohan soon.
I was annoyed because he kept interrupting when I was on the phone earlier. I even thought of sending him a different address in that situation. Yeah, what does Kang Suhyun know? Drunk, my foot.
I drank the lukewarm soju that I had been fiddling with all along in one gulp. And I looked at Kang Suhyun with a triumphant expression and said this.
“See, I’m not drunk.”
Leaving aside Kang Suhyun, who was making a fuss and hurrying out of the restaurant, I stared at the Unlimited ride pass ticket on the dirty table.
It’s so pathetic. I don’t know what’s pathetic, though. Is it the shape of the ticket, or is it me? I didn’t even know which of the presented answers was the correct one, or whether the correct answer was even in the presented answers, so I decided to just blow the thoughts out of my head. Finally, I moved my heavy body and picked up the ticket. Where should I put this?
“Ah, my wallet.”
I can put it in my wallet. Ah, I’m so smart. I shoved my wallet into my back pocket, got up, and picked up my coat, which was full of the smell of meat. This is really the worst. But what can I do?
I put on my clothes, left the restaurant, and headed towards the large intersection. Even though it was past 10 o’clock, the streets were still noisy. The nightlife of adults and the nightlife of high school students are so different.
The layer that can enjoy culture and the layer that just yearns for it are different. Now, there’s nothing as depressing and unsightly as the scattered club advertisement flyers on the floor, but when I wasn’t an adult, how much I yearned for even the shabby symbols of adulthood. Cigarettes, alcohol, sex. I thought it was terrible pretense back then, but I still think so now.
It wasn’t alcohol to get drunk, but alcohol to show off to others, it wasn’t cigarettes smoked because life was really hard, but cigarettes smoked to look tougher than others, and it wasn’t sex done because I really loved someone, but sex I wanted to do because everyone else was doing it, because cool guys were doing it. What value is there in that?
There are times when my struggles, which have been built up for 12 years, become ridiculous in an instant. Right now. Maybe in a few years, I’ll look at myself now and say this. Are you a philosopher? You pathetic bastard, you’re putting on airs.
“How long am I going to act like a kid?”
White breath leaked out between my rising lips.
I arrived at the intersection where cars were speeding by. My hands felt like they were freezing, so I stuck them in my coat pockets and leaned against the dirty glass window. I vaguely saw a sticker on the glass I was leaning against. Pork intestines. Pork rinds.
“What a terrible location.”
I straightened my back, moved my feet, and leaned against the next pillar again. Thanks to that, the cold energy of the brick was transferred to my coat. As I shivered from the cold, the air announcing the beginning of the night gradually descended below the road.
At the same time, I smelled a familiar yet unfamiliar scent. A cold and fishy smell. One corner of my mouth went up on its own. I felt like I knew too well who had come.
“I hate myself too.”
“Wow, really?”
A figure that popped out from behind the pillar suddenly spoke. I turned my face and looked to the side. It was ‘as expected’.
Before I could open my mouth, Go Yohan’s finger pinched the hem of my coat between his index and middle fingers very slightly. He pinched and shook it with just enough force to feel a tickle. And he questioned me with those playful eyes and a coquettish tone.
“You came quickly.”
“It was right around the corner by taxi.”
“That’s why I called you.”
I wouldn’t have called you if it was too far. I raised my chin and boasted. It’s strange, but I feel like I’m stepping on air right now. Go Yohan tapped my cheek with the back of his hand and said.
“You’re smart?”
“I am smart.”
“But why do you hate such a smart guy?”
“It’s because I don’t think I can keep my promise to you.”
“What promise?”
His eyes, which had been dripping with playfulness, distorted. Then he asked with a serious expression. Wow, he said it himself. I was dumbfounded and let out a short breath mixed with laughter into the air.
“Kang Suhyun went home.”
“Ah!”
Only then did Go Yohan open his mouth wide as if he understood and clap his hands loudly once. The sound of flesh strongly touching flesh was swallowed by the motorcycle that was quickly passing by. Go Yohan’s left index finger, which was leaving his right palm and going up, tapped below Go Yohan’s curved lips.
“I’m kidding. I was just saying it. I would have killed him halfway if we had been together until now.”
“You were kidding?”
“Yeah, have you ever seen me lie?”
I’ve seen it a lot. I just shrugged, and Go Yohan bit his lower lip slightly.
“Jun-ah.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were cursing with your eyes. Just now.”
I was caught. When I was silent without saying anything, Go Yohan suddenly burst out laughing. White breath rose towards the sky. As I was blankly watching that, Go Yohan stopped laughing and said.
“Guess if I’m lying or not right now.”
What? The suddenly proposed strange quiz show unfolded like that in the middle of the street. Every time cars that were clearly speeding passed by, a strong wind hit my cheek. Go Yohan, who lightly flicked his front teeth with his fingernails, finally opened his mouth quietly.
“Go Yohan is hungry right now.”
“……”
An unbloomed flower fell heavily on my collarbone. What else could it be but intentional wrongdoing to stir up people’s hearts like this? I gave strength to my stiff jaw, which didn’t move well, and answered.
“That’s a lie.”
“You’re wrong.”
Go Yohan lightly mocked me. Then he smirked and ridiculed me.
“You can’t just make a judgment on your own without being able to be sure whether it’s a lie or not. Jun-ah?”
“Hey. You really.”
While I was dumbfounded by the unexpected reaction, Go Yohan suddenly reached out his right hand. I was flustered when I saw his fingers approaching right in front of my eyes and reflexively closed one eye.
Go Yohan’s index and middle fingers pressed down on my eyes. His fingers, which had cooled in the winter wind, touched my eyelids and pulled them with very little force. Only then did I realize that Go Yohan had grabbed my eyelashes.
“Ah, ahh.”
It didn’t hurt because of his middle finger, which couldn’t give much strength, but the feeling of my eyelashes being pulled was so unfamiliar. I leaned my face out as if being dragged, and as soon as I saw Go Yohan looking down at me and grinning, I hurriedly tilted my head back. And I reflexively touched the area near my eyes that had been grabbed by him.
“…What did you just do?”
“I touched your eyelashes.”
Go Yohan is always the same, saying things that make no sense at all. That’s not what I was asking. I rubbed my eyes hard because of the tension still on my eyelashes, and tears welled up on their own. Go Yohan, who saw that, said.
“The shadows on the streetlights are pretty.”
I stopped the hand that was rubbing hard. But Go Yohan never gives me time to think.
“That’s sad. You’ll never be able to see the shadow of your eyelashes, will you?”
The words he said after that were also as nonsensical as usual. I didn’t hear them at all because I was frantically looking at the floor lit by the streetlights.
And on the way back, I secretly touched my eyelashes with my fingers. It couldn’t have been more ticklish.
We were silent on the taxi ride back. The car was filled only with the sound of the engine and the heater running.
I always meet drivers who talk a lot when I’m alone, but strangely, I only meet drivers who don’t talk when I’m with Go Yohan. Do I look easy to talk to, and Go Yohan looks difficult, so they don’t talk to him? I pouted my sulky lips. The suspicion that maybe it was soon became self-pity. I know that digging deep isn’t a good habit, but I became childish today for some reason.
Anyway, Kang Jun is still a kid. Honestly, Go Yohan and I are both the same. The sincere self-reflection turned into self-reproach. I think I’m pretty good at self-loathing.
The roof of my mouth tingled because the heater was on in the already dry air. I rolled my tongue to wet the dry ceiling, but the ceiling of my mouth, which cracked even when I wet it with saliva, remained the same. The only thing that was wet was my three fingers that Go Yohan had secretly grabbed. I propped up my chin and looked out the window, pretending not to be.
I was dumbfounded by his brazen behavior, but I didn’t shake off his hand either. I just propped up my chin and looked out the window on the other side.
The turn signal turned on, and I heard a ticking sound. It was as if it was urging us to get out quickly. It’s not like we were holding on because we didn’t want to get out either.
The taxi stopped, and Go Yohan took out his wallet from his pocket and accidentally dropped it.
“Ah, shit.”
At that time, Go Yohan’s face seemed to be a little red in the darkness, and I knew it when I saw his three fingers that hadn’t been released. I secretly watched the scene as if glancing at it, but I moved quickly.
I gently took out the hand that was being held and put it inside my coat. Ah, I put my wallet in my back pocket earlier. I’m glad I remembered right away. Because I don’t have to do a slapstick comedy of patting my coat with my hands and looking for my wallet.
“Can I pay by card?”
The driver silently pressed the number buttons on the card reader attached to the heater.
“Wait a minute.”
“Sir, please pay with this.”
“I said wait a minute.”
Go Yohan’s left hand grabbed my wrist, but I ignored him and held out my card. It wasn’t that difficult since Go Yohan’s body was already leaning forward to pick up the dropped wallet. The driver, who wouldn’t care who paid anyway, snatched my card.
Go Yohan hurriedly reached for the wallet on the floor and belatedly took out his card, but it was already too late. I lost the opportunity to pay as a message notifying the completion of the payment arrived on my phone.
I put the card back in my wallet and said,
“What does it matter who pays? It’s more of a nuisance to argue about who’s going to pay here.”
“I could have paid first. You cut in.”
Those were the words I heard as I stepped on the frozen ground. When I turned around, Go Yohan slammed the car door shut. I wondered if he would get cursed for closing it like that, but contrary to my expectations, the taxi silently pulled away. Wow, what’s with this preferential treatment? I couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh. Geez.
“Next time, don’t lose to me, and I hope tomorrow is a faster day than today.”
I said, looking at the back of the taxi as it drove away. I stared at the fading red dot before turning around. And before taking a step forward, I added to Go Yohan,
“It’s cold, let’s go in quickly.”
“You have such thin skin and get cold easily, but you only wear this rag.”
I felt the sensation of the back of his fingers lightly tapping my frozen cheek. Ah, what is this? Just as I was hesitating, Go Yohan, who had suddenly come next to me, chuckled. Then, he suddenly took off the jacket he was wearing. If I had any sense, I would know why he was taking off his clothes.
“No, don’t take it off. Don’t do that.”
“How do you know what I’m going to do?”
“You’re going to take off your jacket and put it on me.”
Then, Go Yohan raised one eyebrow and stopped in the middle of taking off his jacket. Even someone like me, who has no talent for literature, could describe the expression he made at that moment. ‘I’ve been caught.’ The more blatant evidence was the way his eyes slowly moved as if trying to come up with an excuse or a lie.
Go Yohan, who lightly raised and lowered his eyebrows, said without changing his expression.
“No, I’m not?”
In the end, it seems he decided to deny it.
“Then why did you take it off?”
“Because I’m hot.”
“But it’s cold.”
“Doesn’t everyone have different standards? Do I have to be cold just because you’re cold? Are you a communist?”
He was truly shameless. I let out the same hollow laugh I had earlier while looking at the taxi.
“Hey, am I stupid?”
“…….”
Something didn’t feel right. I tried to remember what I had said, but soon stopped thinking because my head felt too light and like it would fly away. I repeated myself.
“Am I stupid?”
But Go Yohan’s face is gradually changing strangely. Actually, it looks like he’s desperately trying to hide a laugh that’s about to burst out. That face looks like he’s making fun of me.
“Why is your expression like that?”
“Why is my expression like what?”
“It’s annoying.”
“Did you drink?”
“Yeah. I drank. Is there a rule that I can’t drink? You’re puffing away at cigarettes. I can drink a little too.”
I’m an adult too. Besides, if you want to run a big business, you should be able to drink even if you can’t smoke. Isn’t that obvious?
“I drank almost two bottles.”
“You drank two bottles and you’re still okay? Wow.”
He didn’t put his jacket back on after taking it off halfway, so Go Yohan’s uniquely broad and angular shoulders were clearly visible in my view. But those shoulders were trembling slightly. Was it because of the cold, or because he was laughing? Go Yohan, who had his arms crossed, covered his mouth with his left fist.
Ah, I get it. That bastard is laughing.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m admiring you. Jun-i can drink better than I thought.”
At those words, I lifted my chin as if to show off and said.
“Yeah, I’m pretty strong.”
“Really?”I’m different from you, who becomes an alcohol trash after a few drinks. I am.”
“I’m not very good at drinking. I’m a loser who only drinks cola at drinking parties.”
What a load of crap. A real loser can’t even admit that they’re a loser. They don’t know anything, so they just spout meaningless self-deprecation. I gave the arrogant Go Yohan, who doesn’t know himself well, a harsh word.
“That’s not true.”
You have to beat up arrogant bastards like him. Otherwise, they’ll think everything they say is true.
“Where else would you find a loser who oozes arrogance and coolness like you?”
“Oh, really?”
“You’re so annoyingly cool, so stop talking nonsense. That’s what I mean.”
“Okay, I’m sorry… cough, I was wrong, so don’t say such harsh things.”
“Are you laughing?”
He says he’s sorry, but he’s laughing with his shoulders hunched over?
“Are you laughing?”
“No, I didn’t laugh. I’m very sorry.”
“Why do you do things you’ll be sorry for?”
Thinking about it, it’s kind of like that. Go Yohan always causes an accident and then cleans it up. If that’s the case, he shouldn’t cause the accident in the first place. He always does what he wants, and when it doesn’t work out, he destroys everything and causes so much trouble. Come to think of it, it’s kind of annoying? I really have to say something about this.
I clenched my right fist tightly. The situation has become like this because there’s no one who can speak firmly to Go Yohan. Now it’s my turn to speak strongly. No, now I’m the only one.
Finally, with my decision made, I clenched my teeth tightly. I have to speak as seriously and weightily as possible.
“Don’t do it.”
“Yes.”
“Got it?”
“Yes, hyung.”
“Don’t call me hyung.”
“Yes, younger sibling who was born before me.”
Go Yohan sneered. He’s trying to make fun of me. I was going to say something substantial, but I couldn’t think of what to say, so I just poked my finger in the air. Go Yohan wouldn’t miss that opportunity. He scanned my hand with his eyes, gave a bitter smile, and said this.
“But you’re a little fickle, one minute you’re telling me to call you hyung, the next you’re not.”
“Don’t make up things that didn’t happen.”
“Yes-sir.”
Go Yohan averted his gaze and nodded insincerely.
See, he can listen so well.
Go Yohan’s attitude of twisting his lips and blinking his eyes for a long time was a little strange, but his shoulders were trembling, even though his mouth wasn’t smiling, so I decided to stop saying harsh things.
“Put your clothes back on, it’s cold.”
“I’m not cold at all. Would you mind wearing my coat? It’s too heavy.”
“Don’t lie.”
You habitual offender.
“You don’t know how noticeable you are. Your shoulders are annoyingly broad… they’re stuck in my vision and won’t go away. How can you think you can deceive anyone with your body? And to top it off, you’re annoyingly tall…”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being annoyingly tall and having broad shoulders and being a nuisance. Ah, Yohan’s personality is a little trashy, isn’t it?”
“Why does it sound so sarcastic?”
I stuck my hands deep into my coat pockets. If I took a few more steps, I would immediately have the self-reflection of ‘What am I doing here instead of going home, which is right in front of me?’, but at the same time, I also had the question of ‘Why do I feel like I’m being made fun of?’. I slowly tapped the bottom of my shoes on the hard asphalt ground.
“I feel a little weird?”Ah, fuck-. Has Go Yohan lost his mind? He doesn’t know his place and he’s rude. Crazy bastard.”
Go Yohan made a crying face and repeatedly tapped his cheeks with his unusually large hands, as if scolding himself.
“Okay, that’s enough.”
“I’m overwhelmed by your forgiveness.”
“I told you to stop because your cheeks looked a little cute when you tapped them. What do you mean?”
I didn’t forgive you.
Silence flowed the moment I finished thinking. Uh oh. Did I say something wrong? I thought about what I had said earlier. And I realized. My hand went up on its own and hit my lips. I covered my lips that I had hit and thought again. I said what I should have thought, and ended what I should have said with a thought.
“What, am I crazy?”
My voice was muffled by my hand covering my mouth. But fortunately, Go Yohan finally stopped his shoulders from trembling every now and then.
“Wow-.”
Then he threw his shoulders back and burst out laughing like a balloon.
“Your drinking habits are crazy.”
I shook my head from side to side with my mouth covered. Drinking habits, I’m not even drunk. But he didn’t understand and asked again, holding up two fingers on his left hand.
“Two bottles? You become like this after drinking two bottles?”
I should have just ignored him, but without realizing it, I held up one finger and then, after a short pause, held up four fingers.
“It was soju.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to stop by the convenience store?”
I answered with a frown because I couldn’t understand the sudden suggestion. Go Yohan is amazing at understanding this too. He finally put on his jacket properly and said.
“I’m wondering what will happen if I feed you more, so I’m going to buy some more soju.”
“Kang Suhyun said I’ll get drunk if I drink any more than this.”
Go Yohan’s mood is always on a roller coaster.
Go Yohan, who was grinning, suddenly stopped laughing and rolled his tongue. I think I made a few mistakes, but in my current state, I don’t think they were that big of a deal. They were all things that Kang Suhyun deserved to hear.
“It was similar, but a little different.”
“……In what way?”
“In what way……”
I try to remember. The things I said to Kang Suhyun.
“I said he wasn’t handsome, and that it was a nuisance to keep contacting Park So-yeon, so he should stop. Ah, Kang Suhyun likes Park So-yeon. Wasn’t he someone with high standards who was interested in you at first sight? Kang Suhyun has no shame.”
“Really?”
“And I think I said his inner self wasn’t as good as I thought……”
It was the truth without a single lie. But Go Yohan frowned and asked again.
“Did you really say that?”
“Now that I think about it, why did I do that?”
“……”
“What should I do? I made a mistake.”
What should I do? I said something that deserved to be called a ‘bastard who is different on the inside and outside’. I never do this normally. I touched my forehead with a serious feeling and finally admitted my condition.
“I think I’m really drunk.”
It’s easier to fix things if you admit it quickly. That’s why I admitted it seriously.
“Ha, crazy-!”
Go Yohan finally bent over and laughed.
I was embarrassed. I was also a little startled by Go Yohan’s laughter at my stupid words. To be honest, Kang Suhyun’s words to me weren’t that nice either.
It doesn’t make sense for me to be inferior to Kang Suhyun. If you consider all the conditions, I’m better than Kang Suhyun. Kang Suhyun may have studied a little better, but unlike high school, other conditions are important in college besides studying. I hurriedly blurted out a defense of myself to Go Yohan.
“But I had enough reason to do that. He said I smelled old.”That bastard said that-uh?”
Go Yohan raised the end of his words. It was like comforting a child. But the ‘son of a bitch’ he added didn’t fit at all, and it was strangely full of aggressive nuances.
“Should I punish him?”
“Punish him, am I an elementary school student?”I’ll smash that bastard’s crown with a soju bottle.””
“Your jokes are so childish. You’re not really going around doing that, are you?”
That’s a reasonable suspicion. I still don’t know why Kang Suhyun is so afraid of Go Yohan. But Go Yohan still doesn’t seem to have any intention of answering my questions. He acts like he’ll do everything for me, but he’s a tough guy who hides things until the end if he has something he wants to hide.
“Of course not. Do I want to go to jail?”
Then why is Kang Suhyun so afraid of you?
I unconsciously stuck out my lips again and stared at Go Yohan, and finally started walking. It was because I saw Go Yohan’s nostrils turning red.
“You’re not a fool, and you get colder than me.”
“Huh?”
“Huh? What?”
Go Yohan, who hadn’t heard my small murmur, quickly approached and asked, but I only asked back with a face that didn’t know anything, as if Go Yohan had misheard. Go Yohan stared blankly at my expression, then raised both lips and lightly nudged me with his arm.
“Why don’t you just tell me instead of keeping it to yourself?”
He should have ended it there, but Go Yohan added another unnecessary word.