10 – Yohan’s Trigger

I had an accomplice who shared my secret.

Adolescents on the verge of becoming adults often have expectations about what their adult lives will be like. What was the adult life I dreamed of? Well. Probably just Kang Jun as an adult. It’s an attractive life in its own way, but sometimes I suffered and cried because of the small desires I was trapped in alone. Of course, I cry secretly because I don’t want to reveal my weaknesses to others.

God only gives trials that you can handle.

I heard that somewhere. I don’t even remember who said it. Was it a television program? Or did I see it in a movie? Then why did God give me the trial of loving a man? What is there to gain from that?

However, I soon stopped because I thought that asking such questions would only do harm, and that sometimes a wave called resentment could engulf me and strangle me to death.

But it was only today that I found a clue to the question. A very arrogant clue.

Maybe I was born with the trial of liking men in order to watch over Go Yohan’s depression.

From a snobbish point of view, Go Yohan is a blessed being. He’s handsome, tall, smart, and born into a wealthy family. To be blessed is to be blessed by God. Isn’t that what people usually think?

Lunchtime. The Rosary shook on Go Yohan’s arm as he ladled soup. I felt a twinge of conscience at that moment.

I imagined my parents’ reaction when my strange inclinations were revealed. My parents had never been angry with me before. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t imagine my parents turning away from me. Even if they found out, I didn’t think they would be as angry as Go Yohan’s parents.

Then maybe I was born luckier than Go Yohan. I thought of the Rosary rattling under my wrist again. It felt like handcuffs.

“Aah-. Shit. It’s ruining my appetite.”

Go Yohan frowned, hitting his tray with a spoon. I slowly turned around and looked where Go Yohan’s gaze was directed. There were Park Dong-cheol, Kim Min-ho, Lee Seok-hyun, and Kim Seok-min looking this way. Park Dong-cheol, subtly out of the square, was watching others, and Kim Min-ho was intentionally avoiding looking at Go Yohan. Nevertheless, it was a little unsightly because it was obvious that he was pouring all his attention on Go Yohan.

And Kim Seok-min was actively waving his hand at Go Yohan, and Lee Seok-hyun was lightly smiling at Go Yohan without saying anything.

“Don’t those bastards have any sense?”

Go Yohan flipped them off. Then he turned his gaze away and ignored their greetings. It looks like a joke at first glance, but from what I’ve seen, this action is genuine. Go Yohan seemed a little angry. But Kim Seok-min thought it was a joke and flipped him off in the same way. Go Yohan laughed at their actions in a small voice.

“He must think I accepted his greeting. That stupid bastard.”

A hollow laugh escaped my lips. It was because I suddenly remembered the conversation Lee Seok-hyun and Kim Min-ho had in the bathroom. What? Kang Jun is aware of it but is holding out without leaving? At that time, they were the ones who really needed to be aware.

“……Ha.”

They judged me as if they were something to Go Yohan. Weren’t they the ones who should have been looking for a way to survive? I laughed at their pathetic figures.

In the end, I am the one chosen by Go Yohan. I was so proud of that that my shoulders shrugged without me realizing it. Aren’t they the lucky ones who were able to survive because their voices were loud in the class and because they were in the same class as Go Yohan in the second grade? It’s different from me, who has always lived diligently.

My pride soared endlessly, but just when I thought that thinking like this was like a concubine chosen by the emperor, I was able to stop the terrible pleasure. That time wasn’t long. It was because the four of them, who had scraped the food into a corner of their trays and thrown it into the food waste container, were staggering towards us.

“Hey, Yohan-i.”

They suddenly nudged the kids sitting next to us and made room. And Kim Seok-min took the lead and pretended to be friendly.

“Yohan-ah. Aren’t you being too much? You haven’t contacted us since the class split. We’re so disappointed.”

“Wow. That’s true.”

Go Yohan replied in a way that anyone could see was insincere. A short silence flowed. The four of them seemed to be watching others because the expected reaction didn’t come out. Park Dong-cheol gave an awkward smile and looked around, and Kim Min-ho pretended to smile with a distorted face. Surprisingly, Kim Min-ho was the one who spoke first.

“Hey. Shit, Go Yohan, are you in the Advanced Class? Did you bribe someone?”

“That’s right. That’s right. We were just talking about that. Hey. Kang Jun is one thing, but why are you in Class 1? It looks like they just crammed all the model students in there. Seeing you in there… it’s really suspicious. Doesn’t it look like you bribed someone? Right? Your family has a lot of money.”

Kim Seok-min laughed louder than usual. He’s probably laughing this hard to feel this awkward atmosphere. Kim Seok-min was usually the one who led the atmosphere in a cheerful way. A guy who can’t stand an awkward and uneasy atmosphere. That’s why he even accepted Park Dong-cheol, who he didn’t really like. In a way, he’s a soft-hearted guy.

“Hey. Did you really bribe someone?”

“……”

“What. Say something. Is it good to be in Class 1? How did you get in? Did you get exam tips from Kang Jun? Shit, did this bastard study without us?”

Go Yohan smiled with only the corners of his mouth raised. But he didn’t answer Kim Seok-min’s words and scooped up the soup with a spoon and put it in his mouth. He looks upset for some reason. At least, that’s how it looked to me.

“……”

I lost my appetite and looked down at the cheap side dishes that I didn’t even want to eat. I wondered if I should raise my head and say, ‘How’s your class? Didn’t your class split too?’ but I soon stopped.

There are thirty groups of people in the classroom. Among them are pacifists who can’t stand the silence of caution that sometimes gauges each other. Most of them survive with just so-so reviews. He’s nice, he’s nice and stuff, that kind of kid. It’s not a bad review, but when you think about it, it’s not a good review either.

“Hey, Go Yohan, judging by the fact that this bastard isn’t saying anything, it must be true.”

Sometimes a rude bastard who ruins the atmosphere gets a better review. That’s how human relationships are. I decided to just shut my mouth because I knew that if I said something to change the atmosphere in this situation, I would only get a reputation as a pacifist.

“Ah, really? Hey, it can’t be.”

The establishment of hierarchy. The moment when they subtly touch each other and measure their ranks. It was Go Yohan’s foot that was climbing up my leg.

“……”

In front of me, Go Yohan was resting his chin on his hand and blankly chewing his last meal. I wondered if I had felt it wrong and slightly moved my leg away.

As expected, it wasn’t my imagination. A persistent touch follows me. The foot that missed me started tickling my calf again, starting from my ankle. My face flushed at the blatant contact. I was flustered and looked up at the front. There was only an ordinary Go Yohan drinking water.

What are you doing right now.

I turned my head and looked at the four people looking at Go Yohan with a sullen gaze. I can’t ask Go Yohan what he’s doing in this situation. Is he doing this on purpose now? Yes. It’s clear. This is not a mistake. I forcibly suppressed the feeling of my lower abdomen ringing and lifted my neglected leg. And I kicked the foot that was slowly stroking down my calf. There was a sound of bones colliding, thud.

“Ah, shit.”

Go Yohan screamed and grabbed his leg. It was Go Yohan after all. The four people’s tense gazes turned around at once at the sudden scream.

“What. Yohan, what’s wrong? Did you bump into something?”

Kim Seok-min put his hand on Go Yohan’s back. And he looked at the foot that Go Yohan was holding and groaning. Go Yohan slowly removed Kim Seok-min’s hand and got up. And he massaged his shoulder with his hand and said without even thinking.

“Jun-ah. Why did you kick my calf?”

This bastard is doing that prank again. I was momentarily flustered and lost my words. He’s probably saying that for everyone to hear. He knows that I can’t ignore him in front of people. Because he knows that I’m very conscious of what people think. Sly bastard.

“……You have to listen when people talk. You shouldn’t be so rude.”

“I’m going crazy.”

Go Yohan, who had been biting his lips tightly without saying a word, cleared his throat and said this. As if he had never ignored them, he spoke in a very cheerful tone.

“That’s right. It seems like my Father put money into the school to save some trash?”

Only then did the four people, who had been watching others in a strange silence for a while, breathe a sigh of relief. The air became clear in an instant. But the openly sharp tone was not welcome at all.

“Hey. What… Hey, Go Yohan. Why are you talking like that? Are you picking a fight with us right now?”

“Who started the fight first?”

In the end, Kim Seok-min, who couldn’t stand it, threw out sharp words. Go Yohan didn’t even look at Kim Seok-min and gave a bitter smile. Kim Min-ho, who had been observing the situation with a distorted face, suddenly intervened.

“Seok-min-ah. Go Yohan, didn’t you know that bastard was like that? That bastard is a complete son of a bitch.”

“Hey! What the fuck, we’re friends!”

“I thought so until recently too. Crazy bastard. Hey. Don’t you remember that bastard always called us trash? You don’t know that he was serious, do you? He thinks we’re complete idiots. Believe me. You son of a bitch.”

“Who is he to tell us to believe him. Is he a politician?”

Go Yohan chuckled to himself even in that situation. Lee Seok-hyun was silently looking back and forth between Go Yohan and Kim Min-ho, and Park Dong-cheol was biting his lips tightly and fidgeting. Even the gazes of the people around them were focused on us. Damn it. In the end, I had to actively step in.

“Hey. Don’t fight.”

“What? Why is Kang Jun stepping in?”

“Min-ho-ya. Stop it now.”

“What?”

“Everyone’s looking.”

Don’t you guys have eyes or sense? I sent an implicit warning. Kim Min-ho gritted his teeth at me.

“If you’re angry, let’s resolve it quietly through conversation. This doesn’t help at all.”

“What? What is this bastard saying. He’s acting like he’s in charge. So fucking annoying. Ah! Shit!”

Kim Min-ho shouted before I could even finish speaking. As a result, hundreds of gazes in the cafeteria turned to us. I quietly muttered a curse and lowered my head. Ah, so embarrassing.

In the meantime, Go Yohan picks up his tray and slowly gets up. Even so, an expression that was clearly teasing the four people flickered on his gloomy and cold face.

“Why are you suddenly making pig-slaughtering noises? Your voice is annoying, so can you please be quiet?”

And he tilted his head slightly and said.

“Jun-ah, let’s get up if you’re done eating. Let’s go.”

“Oh, okay.”

I had already finished preparing to get up without being told. There’s no point in sitting here. I was grateful to Go Yohan for giving me the opportunity to leave. Kim Min-ho lost his words at the blatant disregard and only opened and closed his mouth, then jumped up and shouted again.

“Are these bastards ignoring me right now?”

Ah. Embarrassing. I felt the gazes getting darker and turned my head away. I don’t want to be in this place. Go Yohan openly took a rough breath and scanned Kim Min-ho with a pathetic expression. And I read Go Yohan’s wickedness. Go Yohan definitely inherited his Father’s blood. Definitely. Go Yohan lowered his slender eyes and scanned the four people. A snake-like smile flowed across his face.

“Lee Seok-hyun. Kim Seok-min.”

“……”

He calls the bastards he openly ignored a moment ago affectionately. He even pointed out Kim Seok-min and Lee Seok-hyun.

“Do you want to come with us?”

“……Huh?”

“The convenience store. Are you going?”

Kim Seok-min and Lee Seok-hyun looked at each other, looked at Kim Min-ho who was panting, and finally looked at me and Go Yohan. Gazes intertwined between the four people. Go Yohan threw a stone into the water, and the fastest fish to react was Lee Seok-hyun.

“Huh? Oh, oh. I’ll go.”

Lee Seok-hyun got up from his seat at once. And he walked towards us without hesitation, and while walking, he waved his hand at Kim Min-ho and showed an attitude of roughly calming him down. Kim Min-ho’s face distorted, but Lee Seok-hyun only had a slightly embarrassed face. He didn’t seem to have any intention of changing his decision.

“Hey. Lee Seok-hyun. Where are you going!”

“Min-ho-ya. I’ll call you later. Call.”

“You son of a bitch. Where are you going! Don’t you know that you’ll be dumped by those bastards if you go now?”

“Ah. We have to resolve the situation like this. I’ll talk to Yohan. Huh?”

Lee Seok-hyun sent Kim Min-ho a signal that only they could understand. Then Kim Min-ho stopped panting and slumped down in his chair. Even so, he didn’t stop cursing, muttering all sorts of bastards, such as son of a bitch. Kim Seok-min patted Kim Min-ho and turned his head towards Lee Seok-hyun. Lee Seok-hyun called Kim Seok-min with a small gesture. Kim Min-ho, who couldn’t control his anger and was muttering curses, eventually spat out words of resentment to Kim Seok-min as well.

“Go if you want to go too. You son of a bitch!”

Kim Seok-min kept watching others. But when we took a step, Kim Seok-min quickly patted Kim Min-ho’s shoulder and said.

“Then Min-ho-ya. Let’s see each other during break time.”

“Hey! You!”

He didn’t know that he would really go, so Kim Min-ho screamed. Still. I think the most pitiful person there is not Kim Min-ho, but Park Dong-cheol, who wasn’t mentioned at all. Park Dong-cheol was the only one sitting next to Kim Min-ho, looking at us enviously.

“……”

As soon as Kim Min-ho disappeared from view, Kim Seok-min became bright again. He’s not a birdbrain, is he? Out of sight, out of mind. Kim Seok-min teased Go Yohan while watching others little by little.

“Hey. You really shouldn’t have done that earlier. Shit. I was so upset.”

“Yeah.”

Go Yohan put his arm around Kim Seok-min’s neck. It looked like a joke, but it was a typical method used to subtly crush others with force. In a way, Go Yohan is very typical. Lee Seok-hyun only played jokes that weren’t too offensive, as he always did, and intervened between the two of them.

So, Go Yohan sowed distrust in the friendship of the four with just a moment of mischief. We don’t care or are interested in what Kim Seok-min and Lee Seok-hyun will say when they go back.

Moreover, the people who are left alone now to gossip are Kim Min-ho and Park Dong-cheol. There was no comedy like this. Suddenly, Kim Min-ho and Park Dong-cheol, who are united by a shallow friendship? Where is there such an ironic combination? Go Yohan is really vicious.

He didn’t just pick one person, but the intention of bringing two people is also very cunning. One person is afraid of being alienated from this group, so he doesn’t step forward, but the situation is different with two people. That was the reason why Lee Seok-hyun was able to get up at once and Kim Seok-min was able to follow us. The friendship between two people in the same situation becomes solid. Because the two become accomplices in the name of partners.

Yes. Like me and Go Yohan.

After arriving at the convenience store, when Kim Seok-min and Lee Seok-hyun were busy snatching snacks from each other, Go Yohan quietly approached me. Go Yohan had a bread filled with chocolate in his hand. His slender, long hand slowly peeled off the wrapper. His eyes, looking at me while peeling off the transparent wrapper, were strangely full of lust. Is it because of his eyes? I felt like my shirt was being taken off, so I hurriedly grabbed my collar.

His long fingers dug into the wrapper. He gently grabs the surface of the soft bread. Even so, his gaze on me didn’t fall. My gaze reached the wooden floor with the end raised.

After his feelings were revealed, Go Yohan changed in a strange direction.

A dark bread came out from between the vertically peeled packaging. Go Yohan slowly placed the bread under my lips. I decided to ignore that regrettable temptation. I smiled slightly so that everyone wouldn’t think it was strange and grabbed half of the bread that Go Yohan wasn’t holding. A line formed on Go Yohan’s forehead. He doesn’t like it. I raised the corners of my mouth and split the bread.

Chocolate flowed down through the split gap. It goes down Go Yohan’s hand. I put the bread that came into my grasp into my mouth. And I leaned back slightly and smiled even bigger at Go Yohan.

“It’s delicious.”

Go Yohan blankly watched the flowing chocolate. The chocolate ran down Go Yohan’s forearm and seeped into his shirt. Go Yohan’s gaze went up instead. Chocolate, arm, hand, bread, and me. Go Yohan reached out again and rubbed the fluffy bread against my lips. Ugh. Chocolate crept in between my lips. I licked the chocolate off the corner of my mouth and frowned.

“I’m full.”

Which meant, stop it already. That’s what I meant, but Go Yohan just looked disappointed.

“I was going to… feed you.”

“Are you stupid?”

Go Yohan lacked caution. It was a trait born from Go Yohan’s nature of disliking troublesome things. Go Yohan often didn’t think deeply.

“That’s why you got caught. You should have been more careful.”

“Oh, like you?”

Wasn’t he afraid of getting caught? His brazen behavior was so obvious that cold sweat trickled down my back. The crumbled bread from my lips went into Go Yohan’s mouth. Go Yohan raised his chocolate-covered lips and chuckled. He was mocking the lie I had told last night. I had expected it from the moment he used my words to excuse himself, but hearing him confirm it was a lie made me feel bad. I lightly kicked Go Yohan’s shin and said,

“Be quiet.”

Go Yohan didn’t even feel pain, let alone ticklishness, and just glanced at where I had kicked him. That was it. It was a little insulting. Why is he so big and strong? I pouted my lower lip.

“I kicked you lightly on purpose.”

“Oh, really?”

Go Yohan suddenly seemed to have a good idea, and raised one eyebrow. Then he suddenly bent down. I felt puzzled by his sudden action. First, I closed my mouth and watched to assess the situation. Go Yohan smiled, revealing his Canine Tooth. And he grabbed the part I had kicked.

“Does it hurt?”

“What?”

“Jun-ah. I’m in so much pain.”

His cool eyes drooped downwards. His face, full of all sorts of pitiful expressions, hid a lie. Sly Go Yohan. I lowered my hand and brought down Go Yohan’s bangs to cover his eyes.

“Stop lying and let’s get up now.”

“Wow. You hit me and you’re still so brazen.”

There was no playfulness in his voice. Now he’s even acting. But if he acts that much, I have nothing to say. I crossed my arms and asked.

“What. So what do you want me to do?”

“Wipe it off.”

Go Yohan reached out. His five fingers, spread out as he looked at me, bloomed like a flower. I smelled a sweet spring scent from Go Yohan’s hand. His shirt was already covered in chocolate. It was the result of Go Yohan, who didn’t care about trivial things. Why did he move his hands so much when they were covered in flowing chocolate? I blamed Go Yohan for no reason. I’d have to throw the clothes away.

“No.”

“Why?”

“It looks weird. The kids will look at us strangely.”

“It doesn’t at all.”

Go Yohan frowned.

“You think it looks weird to wipe chocolate off your friend’s clothes?”

He was assuming that I should just do it. Listening to Go Yohan’s words, which always jumped to conclusions, I suddenly became curious. I had thought it was strange for a while. I wanted to ask him. I felt like now was the perfect time to satisfy that curiosity.

“Yohan.”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you do strange things on purpose?”

“Strange things?”

“Why do you let people look down on you? Don’t you think that’s a really stupid thing to do?”

Go Yohan narrowed his brows at my words. After resting his chin on his fingers, Go Yohan seemed to ponder for a moment before answering.

“Why do you think Han Jun-woo lost to me?”

What a random thing to say. I couldn’t understand Go Yohan’s intention. I frowned and tilted my head, and Go Yohan smiled slightly.

“What are you talking about?”

“He was raised too preciously, so he couldn’t understand the psychology of the guys at the bottom.”

“…Is that why you let the kids look down on you?”

“You need to look a little ridiculous to people.”

“That’s nonsense.”

“You also need to know how to lie to get what you want.”

“……”

“Like you.”

You crazy bastard. I immediately retorted to Go Yohan’s words. Of course, this was more of a desperate struggle than a rebuttal.

“It’s not a lie. And even if it is a lie, I’ll never get caught.”

“Really? Then do well.”

His gloomy face mocked me. His tone, as if seeing how long I could last, was full of the composure of someone who had already been caught. He was saying he was the one who got hit first. I had no intention of getting caught, nor of living that kind of life. I glared at Go Yohan.

“I’ll end up like Han Jun-woo if I do that.”

“Hmm.”

Go Yohan tilted his head and looked at the sky. He pondered quietly for a moment, then took a step towards me. I felt strange. It felt like only Go Yohan and I were quiet in the bustling crowd. Only Go Yohan’s low voice pierced my ears. I took a step back. Unfortunately, I bumped into the wall. I grabbed the innocent wall with my hand. My hand, covered in chocolate, touched my chest.

“I’ll give you special…”

A line of chocolate ran down my tie. Go Yohan wiped the chocolate on his hand on my school uniform tie. But since it had already dried a little, only a large, smeared brown mark remained on his big hand.

“……”

After wiping off all the chocolate, Go Yohan slowly, very slowly, pulled the ends together. My throat was blocked by the tightening tie. Go Yohan, who had been looking down at me as I coughed softly, let go of his hand. Then he lightly tapped my chest with his hand.

“I’ll give you preferential treatment.”

A smile bloomed on his lips. A very sly smile.

“In that sense, can you give me your gym clothes? My shirt got all dirty because you didn’t wipe it off.”

Not lend, but give? He had no intention of returning it at all. I shook off Go Yohan’s hand and said.

“You have your own.”

“Why would I need mine?”

Go Yohan stuck out his tongue and licked the back of his hand. His raised eyes didn’t let go of me. It was suffocating. So suffocating. My chest was blocked. The tie, tightly wrapped around my neck, was suffocating. Blood rushed to my head and my fingertips turned cold.

“Hey. What are you guys doing?”

Kim Seok-min, holding a steaming hamburger, suddenly appeared. At that moment, the subtle atmosphere between Go Yohan and me was cut off. I hurriedly loosened my tie and pretended to be annoyed.

“It’s annoying. Go Yohan wiped chocolate on my tie.”

“Wow. Really. Yohan, you bastard, that’s mean. It looks like you’re going to have to throw away your tie.”

Kim Seok-min was giggling even as he said that. Kim Seok-min, who didn’t think deeply, seemed to have quickly shaken off the unpleasant feeling.

“Jun-ah. Can’t you see my clothes are covered in chocolate because of you? Wow. And when I asked him to give me his gym clothes, he said no? Jun-ah. Do you even have a conscience?”

“Why is that my fault? You’re the one who made a mistake and got it on there.”

“Hey. Don’t fight. Don’t fight!”

Kim Seok-min waved his hands and separated me and Go Yohan. It seemed he hadn’t noticed that this was a fake fight. Go Yohan winked at me when Kim Seok-min wasn’t looking. The light bickering continued until Lee Seok-hyun appeared with frozen yogurt.

Funnily enough, Go Yohan made a vague promise to Kim Seok-min and Lee Seok-hyun to meet up again and have a meal at the cafeteria. In my eyes, it was a clear case of hope torture, but Kim Seok-min didn’t seem to think so.

“Hmm-.”

I glared at Go Yohan, who was humming as he went up the stairs. It was because Go Yohan’s obvious intention was funny. I take back what I said about Go Yohan not doing anything as a leader. He was stirring up the school in such a childish and wicked way. He was gradually making it murky in a different way than I was.

“You’re a really bad bastard.”

Go Yohan turned around and gave me a slight smile.

“I can’t help it. It’s more fun to be the one tormenting than the one being tormented.”

That’s true. I understand too. I didn’t argue because I understood Go Yohan. Go Yohan chuckled as he went up the stairs after seeing my expression.

In the end, Go Yohan took my gym clothes. I tried to stop him, but Go Yohan insisted on wearing my gym clothes. The ends of the sleeves were so short that his wrists were all exposed, which was ridiculously funny. I burst out laughing at the sight. The laughter broke down my body. Later, I even collapsed on the floor and sobbed.

“You, you’re really pathetic.”

“Ah, damn… The clothes are so small.”

“It’s because you’re ridiculously big. I told you to just borrow someone else’s clothes.”

Go Yohan didn’t even think about taking them off and just made funny faces. Then he pulled on the tight clothes and smelled them. I slapped Go Yohan’s hand hard as he buried his nose in my clothes. Don’t do that. Fortunately, none of the kids in our class, who were obsessed with studying, paid any attention to me and Go Yohan.

Then I met Han Tae-san’s eyes as he was looking at me from the opposite hallway. As soon as Han Tae-san saw my face, he hurriedly turned around and disappeared into the hallway.

That night. Han Tae-san finally called.

-S-Sorry for calling so suddenly…

Han Tae-san’s greeting, which started like this, led to meddling.

-A-Actually, I, I had something I wanted to say to you, so, I called.

“To me?”

-Y-Yes.

What could he possibly have to say to me? Only troublesome things happened. It was my fault for answering a call that came up as a restricted number. It would be too awkward to hang up like this, so I kept looking for a chance to hang up the phone.

“Tae-san, are you okay?”

-……Yes. I’m, I’m okay. I am.

I meant, was it okay to talk on the phone. I was going to tell him to hang up if it was difficult. I suppressed my uncomfortable feelings and just listened silently. Han Tae-san hesitated for a long time, and finally opened his mouth when he reached the end of my patience.

-D-Do you remember… the time a bug went into your locker?

“Ah, that time?”

Of course I remember. My face naturally contorted at the annoying memory. But there’s something strange. How does Han Tae-san know about that?

“……Why?”

-If I say this, you, you might not believe me… But it’s better than not knowing. Yes. B-Because it’s better than not knowing…

Ah, Han Tae-san knows something. I smiled brightly. As expected, no effort is wasted.

“Tae-san.”

-……Yeah?

“Do you know something?”

Han Tae-san didn’t say anything. But I knew that he was agreeing with a small breath. I tapped the blanket with my fingers. The situation was unfolding in an unexpected direction.

“Don’t worry, I’ll believe you. I don’t think you’re the kind of person who would lie. I know that you’re the most honest person more than anyone else.”

He only created a lot of things to be miserable about because he was too upright. He lived a hard life because he was upright.

“You can tell me everything without worry. Tae-san.”

So please satisfy my curiosity, Tae-san. I quietly urged Han Tae-san. I heard the sound of him swallowing saliva over the receiver. After a short silence, he opened his mouth.

-T-That.

“Yeah.”

-It’s, it’s Go Yohan.

“……Wait.”

For a moment, my head was filled with blackness without any thought. Go Yohan?

“Go Yohan?”

I asked again because I couldn’t believe it emotionally, but the word ‘Jun-i’ came to mind. My heart was pounding with anxiety. My eyelids trembled palely. At that time, I thought it might be Go Yohan, but I didn’t think it was really him. I don’t want to believe it. Han Tae-san, completely unaware of my shock, continued to stab pain into my ears.

-Actually, at that time, I, I wrote you a letter… I wanted to congratulate you on something good…

“……Ah, I see.”

That word half extinguished my suspicion. If Han Tae-san wrote a letter, it might have gotten mixed up in the process. I didn’t believe that Go Yohan put the bug in my locker. That couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. Go Yohan would like me. Arrogant confidence denied Han Tae-san’s testimony. Rather, I got goosebumps at the thought that Han Tae-san wanted to congratulate me and wrote a letter.

-But Go Yohan saw it. I, I was going to put it in early in the morning… Go Yohan was standing at the back door of the classroom…

“So?”

-He didn’t say anything when our eyes met. G-Go Yohan didn’t say anything to me either. H-He just stared at me. I… I just thought I should get out of there. So I just, just avoided the spot… But… Go Yohan said that. He said it was disgusting… He said I was disgusting like a cockroach. A-And he laughed.

“……Aha.”

-I, I didn’t see Go Yohan do it. But it’s Go Yohan… I’m sure. Jun-ah. I know. I, I know because I’ve been through it. Go Yohan is… Go Yohan is…

What. He didn’t even witness it? It’s just a hunch? I secretly sighed in relief.

“Tae-san.”

A voice full of worry. I cut off the affectionate voice that Han Jun-woo wanted to hear so much at once.

“I’m okay.”

-……Huh?

“And you know he’s always been a big prankster.”

Yeah, Go Yohan wouldn’t do that. I rolled my eyes and buried my suspicion, while defending Go Yohan.

-Jun, Kang Jun-ah.

“I think friends can play pranks like that once or twice. It’s a tough time because of the entrance exam stress. It’s not that I don’t trust Tae-san. You know? I trust you. But I understand Go Yohan too. He must have been under a lot of stress. So I’m okay.”

-That’s, that’s. Kang, Kang Jun-ah. That’s not it…

“If that’s not it, then what?”

Han Tae-san, who had been hesitating for a moment, continued with a firm voice as if he had made up his mind.

-I think Go, Go Yohan is obsessed with you. In, in that sense…

“That sense?”

-…….

“Tae-san. What do you mean? What does that mean?”

-Y-You…

“Me?”

-Go Yohan is, is different from others in the way he… I’m telling you to be careful…

He didn’t continue, but I could tell what he meant. I stopped asking and closed my mouth. To be honest, I didn’t expect him to say this much. To be exact, I didn’t expect Han Tae-san to notice. Something I didn’t even know, without any evidence, Han Tae-san? It’s surprising.

On the other hand, I think this is what experience is. Han Tae-san, who has been sexually objectified by men, and I, who have only been beaten by Han Jun-woo, must have lived different lives.

“Tae-san.”

-Y-Yes.

“I think you’re too sensitive.”

And Han Tae-san and I, who have lived different lives, make different decisions. Han Tae-san’s voice, surprised that I would say this, rang through the speaker.

-H-Huh?

“Things like this happen between friends sometimes.”

-Ga, Kang Jun-ah.

“Do you have any reason or evidence to think that way?”

I asked in a really innocent, pure tone. Can you tell me? I heard Han Tae-san’s embarrassed breathing after hearing my question.

-The, the look in his eyes…

“The look in his eyes? That’s too much.”

Han Tae-san wouldn’t be able to see my smile. I smiled really brightly. The look in his eyes, just the look in his eyes? With just that? Without any evidence? I was immediately convinced. This is Han Tae-san’s paranoia. Han Tae-san was definitely not in his right mind sometimes. I remembered the way Han Tae-san looked at me. The bright smile gradually twisted. Han Tae-san would have reason to hate Go Yohan. He definitely would.

-No. No. Kang Jun-ah. I know. He’s… He’s weird. He’s a weird kid.

“Tae-san.”

I firmly cut off Han Tae-san’s words. Who are you to call Go Yohan weird? To be honest, it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t angry. But I just held it in so it wouldn’t show.

“I know you’ve been through a sad experience.”

-…….

“But I don’t think this is it.”

-No. Really…

“Thank you for worrying about me and telling me. Really.”

And who are you to spread rumors about Go Yohan? What if it gets into the wrong ears and he ends up like Han Jun-woo? Listening to Han Tae-san’s upright but always reckless words, I expressed my dissatisfaction darkly. It was a warning not to interfere in my life.

“Tae-san. Let’s do this. We’re seniors in high school now, so how about we promise to study hard?”

-……Huh?

“It’s just my request for you. The remaining year is the last chance, right? We were like that in our sophomore year too… There were a lot of bad things that happened. You could have originally joined our class, but you couldn’t because of that. Now you have to hold on tight and focus on studying. Me too, and you too. Right? We have to go to a good university and make grandma happy. Huh?”

-……Kang Jun.

“Why?”

Han Tae-san’s shallow breathing wheezes. Reading that reaction, I instantly realized what was going on. Ah. These bastards must have been doing something shitty to each other again. One obsessing and getting angry, the other avoiding and running away. I shook my head at their pathetic behavior.

That’s enough of that. I’m not interested in their story. After some deliberation, I opened my mouth.

“Tae-san, actually, my parents just got home, so I think I need to hang up.”

-Huh?

“I get scolded if the call is too long. Sorry I can’t listen to everything you have to say. I’ll hang up quickly. Let’s talk next time, okay?”

-……Oh, okay……. S-sorry.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry. Then, good night?”

I hung up without waiting for an answer, resolving never to accept calls with caller ID blocked again.

“Harder, harder, harder, ha, haaah……!”

Naked bodies writhed inside the small square. A large hand forcefully struck a plump butt. Tender flesh swelled up red. I roughly scanned the people in the video and quickly turned off the screen. The noisy feast of moans abruptly ceased. When I swung my arm haphazardly, the earphone cord I had plugged into my ear got caught. I forcefully yanked the earphones out of my ears. Then, Go Yohan’s curt voice was heard.

“Disappointing. You.”

Turning my head, I saw Go Yohan already half-lying on his bed. His body was buried in the blanket, sprawled out, but his expression alone was dynamic. I didn’t even acknowledge Go Yohan’s words. I moved the mouse to hide the video file in the deep, deep, deep recesses of the drive, and changed its name. ‘English Lecture.avi’ It was a light name, perfect for such a shallow trick.

“The best you can come up with is putting porn on the computer. Jun-ah. I’m really disappointed in you.”

“Be disappointed. Who said you couldn’t?”

“You think our family would fall for such a shallow trick?”

“Wouldn’t they?”

Of course, they wouldn’t. I wouldn’t either. I gave Go Yohan the same look of disdain.

“Would you fall for it?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Absolutely not. Especially if it’s our family.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“That’s why I’m asking why you’re doing this.”

“Idiot. I’m not putting it there to fool them, I’m putting it there to prepare to fool them.”

I pointed to the ‘English Lecture’ file. The file that was originally titled ‘A Vixen Taking Two Men.’ At my words, Go Yohan pouted. Muttering to himself about what he was so dissatisfied with, Go Yohan soon pulled the blanket over his head.

Before I knew it, only a pile of blankets remained on the bed, not Go Yohan. Hmph. The top of the blanket heaved because of Go Yohan’s childish snorts. I turned the chair I was sitting on and quietly watched the gently heaving blanket before saying this.

“People in the world like paraphiliacs more than gays. And 3P isn’t even that far into paraphilia.”

“So you’re going to make me a paraphiliac?”

“Yeah. Isn’t that better than being gay?”

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Why again? Where else is there a better method for lying? Are you just going to go to your Father without any evidence and say you’re not gay? Isn’t that weirder? You have to plant the suspicion of ‘maybe’ like this and then strike. Or do you have a better method? Tell me if you do.”

“…….”

The blanket, rising like a mountain range, was silent. He had nothing to say either.

“Then I’ll turn off the computer now?”

Furthermore, this wasn’t just for Go Yohan’s sake. While copying the prepared video, I checked all the videos on the computer. Fortunately, there was nothing, so Go Yohan wasn’t lying. I pretended to be nonchalant and pressed the close button.

“Yeah, turn it off.”

Go Yohan stomped his feet. Thanks to that, the bed vibrated, and the lower part of the blanket heaved violently.

Shaking my head, I turned the chair back around. After pressing the screen a few times, the computer turned off with a flurry of sounds. Since the sound of the hard disk spinning was no longer heard, the room was as silent as night.

“…….”

Accepting it so readily like this makes me feel a little sorry. Was making him a paraphiliac a bit too much? But I thought 3P was pretty mild. I guess it wasn’t from Go Yohan’s perspective. I glanced at Go Yohan, who had become quiet, and cautiously turned my head.

“Hey. Yohan.”

There was no answer even when I called him. I scratched above my eyebrow.

I’d rather he grumbled like before. Just covering his face and hiding under the blanket, only wheezing, makes that attitude feel strangely pitiful, making my heart heavier. I forced my creaking joints to move. I carefully approached and grabbed the blanket near Go Yohan’s head.

“Are you angry?”

I was worried for no reason and tried to lift the blanket, but Go Yohan knew it like a ghost.

From inside the blanket, a large hand strongly pulled the blanket down. How prickly. My lips naturally protruded at that action.

“How narrow-minded.”

“It’s not that I’m narrow-minded.”

A muffled voice from under the blanket answered my taunt. My lips, which had been sticking out, curled back in. I preferred complaints to no reaction. I felt strangely excited. But not wanting to reveal my excited mood, I deliberately lowered my voice as much as possible and said.

“If it’s not that you’re narrow-minded, then what is it?”

“When I think about it, it’s like that.”

“What’s like what?”

When I asked, Go Yohan’s long fingers popped out from inside the blanket. Before I could prepare myself, Go Yohan’s hand lifted the blanket. Go Yohan’s body odor wafted from the fluttering blanket. A soft but heavy fragrance.

I quickly turned my head to avoid revealing my excited face. Because of that, I didn’t see what kind of expression Go Yohan had when he said these words.

“Imagine you and I are sleeping together, and a woman is stuck in the middle. Of course, it feels disgusting.”

As soon as I heard these words, my excited mood sank to the floor.

What? Relationship? Who with who? Why did the example have to be you and me? I was so dumbfounded that I glared at Go Yohan right away. Go Yohan, who had his head buried in the blanket and was looking up at me, looked at me with a face full of complaints, then suddenly burst into laughter.

“Look at your expression. Crazy.”

He was laughing so hard that I could see all of his Canine Teeth for the first time in a while.

“Jun-ah, stop getting fooled. You’re really so funny. I’m going crazy.”

Go Yohan blatantly teased me. I pressed my fingers hard between my eyebrows and said.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“Not the eldest son, the second son.”

“Ah, seriously!”

I forgot that I was angry at that absurd joke and ran a hand over my forehead, collapsing onto the mattress and bursting into a hollow laugh at the same time. It’s so absurd it’s funny. So absurd. Seeing my laughter, Go Yohan, who bit his lip with his teeth, crept over and lightly bumped my thigh with his head.

And as he looked up at me, his sparkling eyes seemed to be saying this.

‘Can I put my head up?’

While saying that, he secretly lifted his head without even getting permission.

I gave strength to my trembling thighs, contemplating and contemplating again. Should I let him? Should I let it slide? But even in that moment, I saw Go Yohan’s hair tangled in the white blanket because of static electricity.

“…….”

If I start letting him once, I’ll never end with just once.

I knew that from my experience of having a crush on Han Jun-woo. I never want to see Kang Jun’s stupid self running to the hotel again, it’s a nightmare. I moved my legs. Go Yohan’s head, which was trying to invade my thigh, lost its way and bumped into the innocent mattress.

“Ouch.”

Go Yohan, slightly frowning, looked at me with a resentful face.

“It hurts.”

“It hurts? You just lightly bumped into the mattress.”

“My heart hurts. My heart.”

He pouted his lower lip and whined. He raised his head again, which was sprawled on the mattress, and tapped my thigh with the top of his head. I blocked Go Yohan’s head with my hand to stop that cute behavior.

“Then who told you to put your head on my leg without permission.”

“You’re really stingy.”

Go Yohan, who had been grinning slyly, stopped smiling in an instant and turned his head sharply. He’s sulking again. Damn Go Yohan. This is why my heart weakens again.

“You’re just too shameless.”

I turned my head, trying not to look at the back of Go Yohan’s head. I also pursed my lips tightly. I was afraid that if I said anything as it was, I might say something rash. Like, ‘It’s okay. You can just put it up,’ or ‘Are you sulking? Don’t be angry.’ If I looked at that small back of his head, those words seemed like they would burst out.

I sat on the bed for no reason and looked at the screen of my phone, which wasn’t even on. The screen was cracked because Go Yohan had thrown it away a while ago. I turned on the screen for no reason to check the time, looked for messages that hadn’t arrived, and looked at profile pictures I wasn’t even curious about. The letters between the cracked screen were bumpy. I thought about buying a new one, but I didn’t feel like changing it yet. Why is that? When I think about it, the conclusion is still one. Because Go Yohan touched it.

“…….”

My love is still this childish. It hasn’t changed even after going through Han Jun-woo.

I might just be a childish person originally, and I’ve never learned about love, so I’m just committing such novice-like childish acts. I don’t know yet because I have little experience. At least right now, Kang Jun is in a love where he absolutely hates being taken away, but hesitates to have. My nerves are solely directed at Go Yohan. Just like how I’m reacting to Go Yohan’s words right now.

“It’s Father.”

Go Yohan said. I acted like a person who was having a seizure at every action of Go Yohan’s. All my nerves were focused on Go Yohan’s broad back.

“Why Father?”

“Father’s here.”

Can you hear that? I doubted Go Yohan’s words and pricked up my ears. But the only sound I could hear was the sound of the second hand moving slightly. A very quiet and quiet sound. Go Yohan’s room was so quiet that the quietness felt a little sad. Why do I feel sad, well. Isn’t it because I witnessed the friendly dinner scene of the four family members excluding Go Yohan?

Thinking like that, Go Yohan’s unusually broad back seemed endlessly shabby and lonely. I was about to stroke Go Yohan’s back, intoxicated by that sadness, but I hurriedly withdrew my hand. And I just babbled something for no reason.

“How did you know? I didn’t hear anything.”

“When Father comes home, he ventilates the house. He hates the smell of food before dinner.”

Go Yohan’s words stopped abruptly. The dry mouth continued to speak again after a few seconds of silence.

“Then I can hear the sound of the wind from the crack in my door.”

“…….”

Khmm. Go Yohan inhaled shallowly and bent his body. Dry shoulder blades stretched the thin shirt. Looking at the stretched wrinkles, I pricked up my ears again. I closed my eyes and felt the sound. Then, a small wind sound flowed in behind the sound of the second hand passing. It wasn’t just the wind that came in through the crack in the door. Go Yohan’s loneliness also came in with it.

I opened my eyes.

I immediately lowered my feet and got out of bed. The mattress swayed weakly because I got up, and Go Yohan, startled by the sudden movement, raised his body halfway.

“Jun-ah?”

I didn’t answer Go Yohan’s words and flung open the door, which was drawing in the cool wind. I heard Go Yohan calling me again from behind, and I also heard the sound of footsteps following me. But that sound was a very timid sound, hesitating unlike Go Yohan.

I ignored Go Yohan’s desperate cries. Rather, I turned around and grabbed Go Yohan’s lingering hand. First, I didn’t say anything and started walking towards the first-floor stairs.

“Hey!”

I didn’t answer this time either. I just pulled Go Yohan. Go Yohan was flustered and awkwardly dragged along as I pulled him. I moved my feet and ran down the stairs. The soft slippers bumped against the hard stairs, pattering.

I went straight into the dining room.

Two familiar figures were seen in front of the dining table. A young girl and a middle-aged man with Go Yohan’s face. And a slightly unfamiliar middle-aged woman. Go Yohan’s brother, whom I had seen before, was not visible. He’s attending a university overseas, so it’ll be easier then. The fewer people, the better.

I slightly let go of Go Yohan’s hand. Go Yohan’s stiff hand slowly released from my hand. I turned my gaze and gently met Go Yohan’s eyes. Go Yohan’s eyes were embarrassed.

“Don’t worry.”

I can do this much for you.

I spoke to Go Yohan’s frightened eyes. I slowly took my eyes off Go Yohan’s eyes. Finally, I organized my overwhelming breath and smiled brightly.

“Hello.”

The gazes that had been preparing dinner in the bright dining room turned to me.

It seemed that it was really an unexpected greeting for them. Well, who else would suddenly pop out in the dining room at this time other than family? At least Go Yohan, commonly known as ‘bratty,’ didn’t seem like the type to bring a friend home. Fortunately, Go Yohan’s Father greeted me with a not-so-bad attitude.

“Aren’t you Jun-i?”

“Yes, it’s been a while. Ah, well…… it’s nothing, I was just going to the bathroom for a moment and I heard a sound. I came to say hello in case you had arrived, sir.”

Go Yohan’s younger sister looked at me bluntly and plopped down in her seat. The middle-aged woman across from her must be Go Yohan’s Mother. She had a sophisticated but sharp appearance. Why is it that everyone in this house has coldness radiating from their faces? I pretended to be surprised and greeted them a little awkwardly.

“Oh, hello…….”

The middle-aged woman, surprised by my appearance, covered her slightly parted lips with her neatly manicured hand. A familiar silver ring was worn between her beautiful fingers. And she looked at her husband. Go Yohan’s Father looked at me with a moderately smiling face, and Go Yohan’s Mother seemed relieved when she saw that expression and lowered her hand.

“SE Global’s son.”

“Oh my.”

I don’t know why they’re referring to me by my parents’ company name. Unable to erase my embarrassed feeling, I looked at Go Yohan’s Mother and greeted her again.

“I’m Kang Jun. My last name is Kang, and I’m in the same high school and same class as Yohan, but I haven’t been able to greet you…….”

“No. It’s okay.”

It was a voice that showed she had received a good education and grew up in a good home. Unlike her face, it was also small and delicate. The mismatched face and voice felt awkward. I shifted my gaze to the lavishly set table. It’s set up so splendidly. Go Yohan was just left to scoop and eat from the pot on his own. The presence of the housekeeper making clattering sounds with the dishes inside the kitchen made me feel bad.

“Yohan. Your house’s side dishes are really…….”

Delicious. That’s what I was going to say. But I couldn’t continue speaking because of the expression on Go Yohan’s face as soon as I turned my head. Go Yohan was blushing and only looking at the floor. His embarrassment was clearly revealed on his face. His slender hand, which always arrogantly wielded the air, was circling around his innocent thigh.

Go Yohan wiped his hands on his pants. Go Yohan’s parched fingers touched his pale lips. Crunch. Go Yohan blankly began to bite his fingernails.

“…….”

I’m truly hopeless. I was like this with Han Jun-woo too, so why am I like this now? I’ve always held my neck straight in front of unrequited love, pretending to be all strong, but the things I actually do are dedicating myself to a heart I can’t get. Yeah, how could I just leave Go Yohan like that? Go Yohan acted as if he was born to receive my pity. Annoying.

“Would it be okay if I had dinner with you?”

These words were almost reflexively committed. It’s all because of Go Yohan. Why does Go Yohan have to be pitiful, shaking my heart and making me commit such thoughtless actions?

After spitting out the words, I regretted it like crazy. What am I going to do next? I have no idea how I should react next. I’m going crazy. I covered my stomach slightly with my hand, pretending to be pitiful to buy time to come up with a plan. Not stopping there, I slightly lowered my eyes and blinked them several times.

“Actually, my parents aren’t home even if I go home…… Ah. They often leave the house because of work. So, I have to eat dinner alone today too.”

“……Then do so. There’s no reason not to.”

The quick thinking I’ve cultivated over the years helps me even in situations like this. Right. When you think about it, what kind of parents would coldly kick out their son’s friend right before dinner? Especially in a wealthy family like this, where they care so much about what others think. And adults, more than the model students they seem to prefer, also have a tendency to like the subtly ill-mannered, immature ones. I thought about the most ill-mannered, yet beloved, kid around me. And that face came to mind clearly.

Go Yohan.

He’s more ill-mannered, impolite, headstrong, and selfish than anyone else at school, but at the same time, he’s loved more than anyone else. The entire student body envies him, and even the teachers are lenient with his rude behavior. Before I fell in love with Go Yohan, I couldn’t understand this phenomenon at all, but now I understand it perfectly well. The free Go Yohan is lovable. It’s not really my style, but I decided to try and imitate Go Yohan.

“Thank you.”

I smiled so wide my cheekbones popped, and my shoulders moved excessively. Muscles I didn’t usually use were starting to ache. I was covering my cheeks because my protruding cheekbones hurt, but Go Yohan’s mother seemed to think it was cute. She smiled and said, “Your friend is so charming.”

Go Yohan’s sister, Go Rosa, whom I intentionally made eye contact with, frowned as if she’d seen something she shouldn’t have and avoided my gaze. She was similar to Go Yohan, yet not.

I naturally approached the table and checked the number of sets of silverware on the table. Three sets. I turned back around. Go Yohan was biting his nails, observing the situation. His eyes darted around quickly before dropping to the floor with a thud. Thud. Thud. Go Yohan, who had been gnawing on his nails, opened his mouth.

“I…”

Go Yohan looks at me, then at his family. But his family members just pulled out their chairs without saying a word. It wasn’t a natural kind of ignoring. Ironically, it was obvious that everyone was paying attention to what Go Yohan was saying. And they were also watching me. They weren’t looking at me or saying anything to Go Yohan, but the awkward atmosphere said it all.

“…”

Isn’t it obvious? They know this situation is strange, too.

Parents openly ignoring their son. This is a story that’s just begging to be spread. What if I told my parents this story? Strange rumors might start circulating that the second son of this family is a bastard. I puckered my lips, writing scenarios in my head.

The brave soul who stepped up to resolve this bleak atmosphere was Go Yohan’s Father. He was the only one who responded to Go Yohan’s words.

“Yes. Speak.”

He said, forcing a kind smile. On the surface, he looked like a benevolent Father waiting for his son’s words, but to me, who knew the family’s circumstances, it just looked like a scene from a play. Go Yohan’s face crumbled at that expression. Now, Go Yohan started gnawing on all four fingernails. Crunch. Crunch. His broad shoulders drooped lower and lower.

“I’ll eat alone later.”

“…Oh, why?”

I couldn’t understand Go Yohan’s choice. So, unable to hide my bewilderment, I blurted out my feelings. At those words, Go Yohan turned and looked at me with a pale face. Thanks to that, I saw the arm Go Yohan had been hiding. His white hand, clearly visible through his school uniform pants, was trembling. Go Yohan twisted his face and managed a smile. It was a smile for his parents. Seeing that face, I couldn’t help but feel miserable.

“I’m not very hungry.”

Go Yohan, who stood at the top of the pyramid at school. Go Yohan, who had crushed Han Jun-woo. Go Yohan, who enjoyed breaking up friendships. Go Yohan, who could bounce a rubber ball in the classroom without a care, throw bugs at students he didn’t like, and sometimes be rude to teachers—Go Yohan, who had that kind of power.

That Go Yohan was now struggling at the very bottom of the pyramid at home. Just with four people. One of whom was even his younger sister. Truly, the four above a thousand.

An unknown emotion welled up inside me, swirling around.

Go Yohan looked at me and then lowered his head. His nearly 190cm frame turned to face the dark hallway. I hated seeing Go Yohan imprisoning himself.

Why? Why do you have to live like that? Maybe the way he acts at school is Go Yohan’s true nature. Go Yohan, who survived in that untamed wilderness where no one restrains him, is the real Go Yohan I know. The most charming high school student I know. I can’t bear to see Go Yohan with his freedom taken away.

Maybe I really did come to this school to help you. Or maybe I grew up like this to protect you. There was sometimes a reason for my wickedness. God loved you, and maybe He made me to be there for you. Even amidst all this, I counted down to Go Yohan’s birthday. I thought of Go Yohan, who was born later than me. Yeah. Maybe that’s really true. I exhaled shallowly. And I lied.

“You said you were hungry earlier.”

At my lie, Go Yohan turned around like lightning. His pale face looked at me in bewilderment.

“Hey, when did I ever…!”

“Just eat together. Okay?”

I strode forward. And I grabbed the hand of Go Yohan, who was trying to crawl into the dark hallway on his own. Go Yohan’s large hand twitched. I smiled nonchalantly. And, still holding his hand, I dragged him to the table. The faces of the three people who saw that scene were quite a sight.

“Hey. Didn’t you like soy-marinated crab? Your mom must have made it for you. Lucky you.”

“Yes. I prepared it because of you. Eat up.”

Go Yohan’s mother raised her hand in embarrassment.

The truth is, I don’t know the first thing about whether Go Yohan likes soy-marinated crab. The only time I’ve eaten with Go Yohan is during school lunch, and soy-marinated crab isn’t likely to come out in the school cafeteria. But I vaguely remember Go Yohan not liking seafood. He wouldn’t even touch soup flavored with shrimp. I always saw him secretly picking out the seafood while glancing at me. How could his parents not know something I know? I was annoyed by that fact, so I taunted them.

“But there are only three sets of silverware. Should I get another set from somewhere?”

I pretended to say it without any malice. Go Yohan’s mother, who seemed to be the more soft-hearted one, looked at her husband. Go Yohan’s Father quietly watched what I was doing. His cool eyes, so similar to Go Yohan’s, scanned me. I tensed up and focused my gaze.

“…”

Was I overdoing it?

Even while teasing Go Yohan’s family, I didn’t want to reveal any malice. Deceiving adults who had lived more than twice as long as me was difficult, and it was more nerve-wracking than any lie. My hands were sweating. Kang Jun, hidden behind Go Yohan’s mask, fell into a swamp of worry.

Should I go back to being polite now? Was I acting too rashly?

“Oh, Mom didn’t know I was home.”

Go Yohan said, embarrassed, taking the initiative to speak first.

“Yeah. I guess not.”

Go Yohan’s Father responded nonchalantly, taking a sip of water.

“Ah, I see…”

Cool eyes looked at me through the transparent glass, then slowly moved down to my hand. I followed that gaze. My hand, which it finally landed on, was tightly intertwined with Go Yohan’s hand. Oops. I was startled and pulled my hand away. Then, I moved my body and quickly averted my gaze.

“Auntie, is it okay if I sit here?”

I thought his younger sister would be better than Go Yohan’s mother, so I sat next to the face that was at least familiar, but Go Rosa glanced at me and avoided my face.

“Sorry for interrupting your meal. You must be hungry?”

Go Rosa was already quietly chewing her food while only looking at the table, and Go Yohan’s mother sat down with an embarrassed smile. Only Go Yohan’s Father. Only that person was just quietly looking at me.

“…”

Why is he looking at me like that? It’s making me incredibly nervous. I pretended not to notice his gaze and fidgeted my feet while looking at the kitchen. After that, I had nothing to do, so I acted like an immature kid, looking for cups and silverware. And I gestured to Go Yohan, who was still standing awkwardly, to distract myself.

“Yohan, come sit down.”

“…”

Go Yohan looked at my gesture and hesitated for a moment before meeting my eyes. I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, and I was afraid of Go Yohan’s Father in front of me, so I avoided Go Yohan’s gaze. So, I didn’t see the expression Go Yohan made at that time.

The timing was good. Or maybe it was bad. A fairly old housekeeper Auntie came out of the kitchen with a bowl of rice and silverware. But she put one set of silverware in front of me, and then hesitated, not knowing where to put the other one. It was Go Yohan who broke that short moment of helplessness. Go Yohan moved slowly. And he pulled out the chair next to me.

Why did it have to be next to me? Go Yohan’s Father was sitting in the middle, with his younger sister and mother on either side. I was sitting next to his younger sister, so shouldn’t Go Yohan sit next to his mother to balance things out? Isn’t it too lopsided? It’s not exactly wrong, but it made me feel uneasy.

“…”

As soon as Go Yohan sat down without a word, the housekeeper Auntie placed the bowl of rice and silverware in front of Go Yohan. And as soon as Go Yohan’s mother, glancing at her husband, passed the dish of soy-marinated crab to Go Yohan, the meal began.

Go Rosa and Go Yohan’s Father really didn’t say anything and just started eating again. It was a completely different scene from the happy meal I had seen a few days ago. The only one smiling was Go Yohan’s mother.

“There’s not much, but eat a lot. Yohan, you eat a lot too. You like that, don’t you?”

On Go Yohan’s table, there was only white rice and the bright red soy-marinated crab. In front of it, Go Yohan quietly looked down at his rice and side dishes. Go Yohan stared at the crab for a moment, then picked it up with his chopsticks, hesitated slightly, and then chewed.

White flesh was revealed between the red crab shell. With dead eyes, his sharp Canine Tooth crunched and crushed the hard shell. Go Yohan, chewing the soft, fishy flesh, let out a soft groan and furrowed his brow. And he subtly glanced at me.

He really doesn’t like seafood.

The deep frown between his eyebrows was imprinted on my mind like a stamp. The strong impression left on my mind made me move. I reached out and grabbed the bulgogi in the middle of the table. Thinking about it now, I don’t know why I did that. I grabbed so much that it was almost rude. Forgetting that fact for a moment, I placed the dripping chunks of meat right on top of Go Yohan’s rice bowl. And when I looked up, all the eyes at the table were on me.

“…”

For a moment, I wondered what I had done. My body froze. I rolled my eyes slightly, but since I hadn’t really done anything wrong, I spoke honestly.

“Well, it looked like Yohan didn’t really want to eat it.”

I said to myself, embarrassedly. And then, as if making an excuse to Go Yohan,

“It looked like you didn’t like it, so I just…”

Suddenly, Go Rosa raised one eyebrow. Was that a response? I smiled awkwardly and brightly and turned my head again. And the meal, which felt like I was going to choke, continued, but Go Rosa, who finished eating first, left the dining room without saying a word.

Next to finish eating was Go Yohan’s Father. He drank the remaining water and continued to watch me and Go Yohan. It wasn’t until Go Yohan’s mother, who finished eating last, glanced at me and stood up that Go Yohan’s Father also stood up and left the dining room together. And as he left, he said this.

“You’re doing all sorts of things.”

My heart felt like it dropped at those words. It was because I was with Go Yohan, and the tone didn’t specify who he was referring to. Did I make a mistake? I quietly bit my lip.

In the empty dining room, Go Yohan had his head buried in the table and was just fiddling with his chopsticks. He was eating slowly that day, and I was the only one who waited for him. Go Yohan raised his head slightly and looked at me. I met his gaze. I’ll eat with you. I’ll wait. I clearly showed him my goodwill. At that time, I was a bit presumptuous. Go Yohan, seeing my goodwill, made a pale, cool expression.

“Sorry…”

There was no response. Like a sinner, I watched Go Yohan finish his last bite before getting up from my seat. Go Yohan quietly followed me the whole time. I was so busy with my own thoughts that I didn’t know what kind of face Go Yohan was making. During that time, I was having thoughts like this.

But wasn’t I too rude earlier? “Doing all sorts of things” must have been referring to me. Did he think I was a kid with no manners? Ah, damn it. Should I not have done that? Just to get Go Yohan to eat one meal,

I gathered my thoughts, which had been deeply immersed, and opened the door to Go Yohan’s room. And I waited in front of the door until Go Yohan came in, and then I closed the door after Go Yohan, who had his head bowed, came in. It was my own kind of consideration. Consideration for the pitiful Go Yohan. Go Yohan, who came into the room, had his eyes covered by his long bangs. His long neckline, revealed above his shirt, and his bowed head caught my eye. I involuntarily swallowed.

Go Yohan’s lines are always sexy. I hid my desire and brought my face close to Go Yohan.

“What’s wrong?”

“…”

“Are you upset because of your Father? Sorry, I just…”

I waited for Go Yohan with an anxious heart. At the end of his raised head, I saw Go Yohan’s eyes, which were red and swollen.

“…”

I lost my words. Could he be crying? He wasn’t shedding tears, but there was no way I couldn’t know what state his bright red, swollen eyes were in. Go Yohan, glaring at me with red eyes that I didn’t even know what emotion they held, suddenly grabbed my shoulder with his large hand.

“W-wait a minute. Go Yohan, what are you… Ugh!”

I was helplessly dragged away by that tremendous force. The place I arrived at was Go Yohan’s bed. My body collided with the soft mattress and bounced back. I tried to get up quickly, not knowing what was going on, but I was soon blocked by Go Yohan’s strength. I tried my best to push Go Yohan away. Before Go Yohan’s hand reached my neck.

“What are you doing…”

“Was it fun?”

Go Yohan said, lightly choking my neck. A beastly sound came from his distorted lips.

“I asked if it was fun.”

“W-why…! L-let go…!”

“Damn it, was it fun?!”

Go Yohan’s shout crashed down like a giant wave. The wave covered my insides. That vast emotion submerged me in the dark blue sea. Go Yohan’s voice echoed in my head like a reverberation in a cave. Go Yohan’s hand, which was twisting my shoulder painfully, was telling the answer.

“I, I…”

“Were you happy? Were you happy to see me trembling and not knowing what to do in front of my Father?”

Why, why is he doing this.

I just did it on a whim because I felt bad that the hungry Go Yohan didn’t get to eat dinner. I wonder if it was a selfish act that only considered my own feelings. I also wondered if it was an action that deserved that much anger. Resentment and guilt welled up in my heart.

“That’s not what I meant…”

The neck that Go Yohan’s anger had reached was getting hotter and hotter. The grabbed neck was burning as if it was on fire. I couldn’t continue speaking and just gaped. Just like a goldfish. But Go Yohan heard my silence and raised his head. Hah-. A long sigh could be heard. Go Yohan took his hand off my neck. And he half-closed his eyes and looked down at me from above.

“Who told you to do something like this? Did you think I would be grateful? Did you?”

I felt like I was being beaten. At that, my pride flashed and raised its head. That endlessly high pride. Why would I? I released my tightly closed lips.

“It wasn’t fun.”

“…”

Go Yohan lowered his head and looked at me. I was a little wary. Because Go Yohan is stronger than me. They say that fists come before the law. Go Yohan’s anger, which had more power than me, made me a little scared. The way he was trapping me between his long legs and looking down at me felt oppressive. So, I made an excuse. Because I wanted to get through this situation without being hated by Go Yohan as much as possible.

“I just, I just felt sorry for you.”

“What?”

Deep wrinkles formed on Go Yohan’s brow. I hurriedly shut my mouth. I misspoke. I tried to find another excuse. A more plausible excuse to get through this situation…

“I didn’t know you’d be so upset… Ugh!”

If I could have spoken, that is. Go Yohan flipped me over in an instant. Even if I tried to escape, I couldn’t get up, pinned down by Go Yohan’s lower body.

“Hey! What are you doing!”

“Ah, right. I should have said that in front of our parents.”

“Get off. Hey. I said get off right now.”

“You did whatever you wanted, so shouldn’t I get to do what I want for once?”

“Hey… What?”

“I deserve compensation. Don’t you think?”

What does that mean?

I felt a strange chill. It was that bizarre sensation you feel right before something happens. I tried to turn my head to get a view beyond the blanket. But as soon as I tried to move my head, Go Yohan pressed down on my head, and my face was inevitably buried in the blanket.

“Keuh-heuk. Keuk.”

“You’re really fucking, fucking… fucking!”

I couldn’t breathe properly. I was suffocating, so I wildly flailed my hands, but I couldn’t grab anything. Only the soft blanket slipped through my fingers. I stopped trying to force air into my lungs and decided to try to persuade Go Yohan.

“Go, Yohan…!”

“…Damn it.”

Heueup. That was before Go Yohan buried his face in my neck and started sucking.

“Hey, wa, eugh, wait a minute.”

Bewilderment washed over me. The tingling sensation that resonated through my neck traveled up my blood vessels and shocked my head. The rough hands that were pressing down on my head and shoulders grabbed my arms and waist. For a moment, I was stunned, unable to understand what was happening, and then I finally realized what was happening and let out a small scream.

“Hey, let go. Let go. Let… Aagh!”

A sharp Canine Tooth sank into my shoulder. Go Yohan’s hand pulled down my clothes like a hook. At the same time, another hand invaded my shirt. A ticklish sensation began to grope my bare skin. At that moment, I closed my screaming mouth. I pushed Go Yohan away like crazy. Go Yohan must have gone insane.

Why? Why? I tried with all my might to get out from under Go Yohan.

But it was not enough to push away Go Yohan, who was a head taller than me, no, the tallest and strongest guy in the whole school. I pushed Go Yohan’s legs with my palms, but it was no use.

“Yohan… Ah, ah! It hurts! Haeuk!”

This time, I grabbed Go Yohan’s collar and pulled. It was a desperate attempt to get away somehow. Tuk, tudeuk. I heard the sound of Go Yohan’s buttons being torn off.

This choice was completely wrong. Only Go Yohan’s clothes came off, and I couldn’t shake off the pain that was digging deep into my shoulder. The hand that was groping my bare skin pulled my clothes violently. My white shirt was full of wrinkles. I desperately twisted my body to avoid Go Yohan’s hand. But Go Yohan pressed down on my body as I dodged here and there. I was suffocating again.

“Heok. Keuh-heuk.”

After taking his teeth out roughly, he gnawed at my neck and shoulders through the stretched shirt. As soon as there was a gap while I was moving, I tried to twist my body out, but I was stopped by Go Yohan’s hand. I was grabbed roughly by the hand.

Now, his entire weight was pressing down on my body. My fingertips trembled from the pressure. There was no gap between Go Yohan and me. And something hard touched my lower back.

‘Isn’t Go Yohan the tallest in our class? No, isn’t he the tallest in the whole school? What? Fuck, not height, that thing! Go Yohan’s wife will have to live in the OB/GYN all the time, right? If you do it with him once, you’ll definitely have to ride a wheelchair. Fuck. It’ll feel like giving birth twice.’

“Yo, Yohan-ah.”

I remembered the cheap joke that Kim Min-ho had once spouted. I turned my head and looked at Go Yohan with fearful eyes. Our eyes didn’t meet. Now my whole body was trembling.

Why is this, why is this felt behind my back.

“Don’t, don’t do it….”

Go Yohan still didn’t listen to me. My mind went blank. My gaze alternated between the crown of Go Yohan’s head and the bed. Instinct turned on a red siren. I grabbed everything I could see, whether it was a blanket or a pillow, with all my might. Go Yohan’s lips traveled up my neck and tickled the back of my head. And every time I grabbed something, he took it away with just one hand. Nothing worked.

Only then did my eyes start to burn.

“You fucking bastard, ha, don’t do it! Ha, don’t do it. Don’t do it!”

When the lips that were tickling my chin brushed my cheek, I blocked Go Yohan’s face with both hands. And I pushed him away with all my might. Go Yohan’s neck snapped with the sound of bones turning. Thanks to that, there was a moment of respite. Still, my body wasn’t completely useless.

Fuck. I’m alive. That was the first thought that came to my mind.

Seeing the gap, I jumped up before I could be caught. But my fear-soaked body lost its balance. Uh-oh. My vision plummeted as my feet got tangled. I’m falling. I’m going to fall. I closed my eyes tightly, bracing myself for the impact that would follow. But what I felt along with the sound of the collision was Go Yohan’s hard body.

“…Eueuk!”

Go Yohan flipped his body over the moment I fell. I only realized that after colliding with him. As soon as I heard a shallow groan, I got up like lightning. And I looked at Go Yohan, who was lying underneath me in an awkward position. Go Yohan was in pain, curling up his back that had been hit.

“Hey. Go Yohan.”

Stupidly, I forgot for a moment what I was being subjected to and worried about his big body.

And then I met Go Yohan’s eyes looking at me. I could see his eyes were red and his face was covered in tears. When did Go Yohan start crying?

“…Do you even know what you did?”

Go Yohan glared at me.

It was the first time I had seen Go Yohan’s tears. When I finally saw the tears, I couldn’t even bring myself to say Go Yohan’s name. Just the act of calling his name seemed like it would shake that splendid and sad melancholy. It was because I couldn’t handle the pouring waterfall of emotions.

If even a single drop of water were to enter the heavy and heavy downpour, I felt like I would be submerged in that water and drown to death. Only then did I feel an intense sense of guilt. Even if I couldn’t understand the humiliation Go Yohan felt towards me, I could understand the resentment he felt.

“Do you know what you did!”

The waterfall of emotions presses down on me.

Go Yohan raised his body and reached out his hand. His long fingers touched my arm. It was just a small graze, but the sensation sharply stabbed my legs.

But the incident caused by my guilt and the current incident are separate matters. Realizing what I was being subjected to, I hid my flushed face and jumped up. I tried to turn my body around and get out somehow. I tried to get out and avoid this situation somehow.

“I know, I know, so please….”

The situation that had never happened to me even once made me uneasy. I needed time to sort out everything that had happened to me now.

“Le, let go of this.”

I regretted it even after I said it. Perhaps it was because of the guilt and the slightest bit of affection I still had for the resentful Go Yohan. My last line of defense and shield, which hated being hated, often showed its presence even in unnecessary places.

“No, you don’t know.”

“…Ah!”

Go Yohan grabbed my arm, which was examining his body, roughly. Thanks to that, I had to sit down on the floor. My short attempt to escape failed like that. I didn’t even know that the place where I fell on my butt hurt.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Go Yohan, who raised his head. Go Yohan, with his face full of tears, was glaring at me as if mocking me with his face distorted by crying. I could feel a strong grip on my grabbed arm. I felt like I would burn to death in his cold eyes. I wanted to run away. I struggled to shake off Go Yohan.

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“Aagh!”

I screamed in pain. It hurt. It hurt so much. Tears welled up in my eyes from the terrible pain. Groans flowed out from between my tightly closed teeth, but Go Yohan just kept pulling my arm violently while kneeling on the floor. Go Yohan looked straight into my eyes and said clearly.

“Don’t even think about running away. If you go, you’re done.”

Those were the words he said while biting his lips until blood came out.

Done? I hate that I understand what’s done in the midst of all this. I knew too well what Go Yohan was threatening me with. Go Yohan was making a deal using his power. Judging from Go Yohan’s expression and tone, it seemed like a threat thrown out recklessly, but in fact, the threat was working. I hate that too. Kang Jun, that crazy bastard. I swallowed. Go Yohan screamed between his lips, which were swollen as if they would burst.

“You’re going to regret it.”

“…What are you going to do?”

Even in the midst of all this, I was bluffing. My lips, which I forced to lift, were trembling.

“What?”

Go Yohan looked at me and made a stupid face for a moment. As if he never expected to hear such words. Then, ah, he started to laugh strangely. It was a somewhat twisted laugh. I had a feeling that something was wrong when I saw that laugh. I had an uneasy feeling.

“Fuck, why are you laughing.”

“No, I can see right through you.”

Go Yohan shrugged his shoulders. He gave a sinister laugh, wondering what was so funny,

“You’re scared of me, aren’t you.”

He said that. Crazy.

“No, I’m not, you…!”

“You’re not? You’re always scheming and ranking people, aren’t you.”

“Don’t talk nonsense. Shut your mouth.”

“Nonsense? That’s harsh. Isn’t it true?”

“Aak…!”

Go Yohan pulled my arm even harder. He was so strong that my arm felt like it would break. My whole body staggered even with a small pull. Go Yohan, whose face was full of undried tears, was mocking me.

“You’re scared, aren’t you. That I’ll make you a cripple at school. I can do it, right?”

“No, no… Aueuk! Aak!”

“Think carefully with that smart head of yours. You’re lower in the hierarchy than me, right?”

Clear water droplets welled up again from his snake-like eyes. Why is he crying while saying those things? And the long laughter was still left on his gloomy face. I got goosebumps at that contradictory expression. At the same time, I felt like shit at the blatant accusation. My face flushed. Fuck.

“Don’t say whatever comes to your mind just because you have a mouth. You crazy bastard…! Aak!”

“Be quiet.”

Shh. Go Yohan’s trembling voice, caused by his heated vocal cords, soothed me. His slender fingers touched my lips. Go Yohan covered his lips with one finger while crying and said this.

“You’re too loud right now.”

I was so surprised that I opened my eyes wide and looked at the door as if I had been burned. Damn it. Damn it! I had forgotten. I hurriedly lowered the voice I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I hoped they didn’t hear it outside. My nerves were all directed towards the outside of the door. I shouldn’t have done that.

“You coward.”

Maybe this was Go Yohan’s trap. That’s what I think. While my nerves were all focused on the door, Go Yohan pulled my arm and knocked me down under his body. I covered my mouth so as not to make a sound while falling.

That position was wrong.

Since I couldn’t use my hands, I crashed straight to the floor. The place where I hit my forehead was Go Yohan’s thigh. My face was pressed down so much that I was momentarily suffocated. I shuddered for a moment at the thought that if I had fallen on my face, one or two of my teeth might have fallen out. I lifted my head, startled by Go Yohan’s scent that was permeating me. No, I was going to lift it.

“Look at this. Even when you fall, you bury your head in a place like this.”

That was until Go Yohan’s big hand pressed down on the back of my head.

“Eup, eup!”

I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t get the words out properly. I glared at Go Yohan with my eyes wide open, but Go Yohan just looked at me with a flushed face. You fucking bastard. The injustice that was rising from somewhere deep in my heart was blocked by the hand that was rummaging through my hair, even if I forced my mouth open.

Me, kneeling halfway and burying my head between Go Yohan’s legs. That appearance was a posture of begging Go Yohan for forgiveness, even if it wasn’t visible to me. After taking that posture, I felt more humiliated than guilty. Why me? Why do I suddenly have to go through this?

A defense mechanism that comforts myself ahead of guilt was activated.

Everyone is selfish and takes their own side. I know I’m bad, but isn’t that what humans are like in the first place? My eyes are burning. A cool wind, where winter hasn’t melted yet, invaded through the roughly torn collar. The hand that was pressing down on my head slowly came down and gently pressed my defenseless back. I gagged because of the pressure. My head was lifted involuntarily.

I tried desperately to hold back my tears. A sobbing sound leaked out from between my forcibly opened lips, but I was frightened by the hot breath that touched the back of my head. I stopped panting. I screamed at Go Yohan with all my might so as not to be caught being scared.

“Let go. I told you to let go. Let go of this… Let go! Let go!”

Sniffle. I can hear Go Yohan swallowing his tears. Even so, the sobbing sound didn’t stop as if he couldn’t stop crying. Go Yohan was alone, sobbing as if he was faking his crying, but when he spoke, he became frighteningly calm.

“You’re going to run away, aren’t you. You can’t.”

What do you mean I can’t. It was nothing more than a child’s stubbornness.

But a childish psycho’s change of heart, for which there is no reason, is more frightening than calm fear. Go Yohan had a natural talent for leading dramatic situations. But I never dreamed that that situation would happen to me. Maybe I was a little arrogant. No, I was arrogant.

“Eueuk, eueuk….”

Yeah, my life was always a discarded card. I have never been someone’s number one. A can that is used conveniently when needed, but thrown away when you don’t like it. The more I realized it, the more ashamed I was of myself, and tears flowed.

I forced out the stuffy voice that was rummaging through my vocal cords. I had to ask this question, so it was a miracle that it came out.

“What… What did I do so wrong….”

From Han Jun-woo to Go Yohan. Why am I having this kind of love? I have no eye for men, even if I die.

“Why… Why do I have to go through this….”

My chin is trembling. I desperately tried to suppress the voice that was holding back tears. And Go Yohan calmly received my sorrowful question from above me.

“You’re asking what you did wrong?”

“……Eueuk.”

“You’re really a fucking bastard.”

Go Yohan wiped the tears flowing down his forearms and continued.

“How could you ignore me like that in front of Father? How could you make me a cripple in front of our family, in front of my younger sibling? Do you really think I’m that funny? Do I look like a pushover because I’m nice to you?”

Go Yohan clenched his fist with unbearable anger on my back. The pressure was so painful that I raised my good hand and grabbed Go Yohan’s hand, but it didn’t budge. I hit Go Yohan’s wrist with my fist. Unfortunately, the resisting wrist was grabbed by Go Yohan and slammed to the floor.

“……Le, let go, eup!”

“Jun-ah.”

“Eu, eueuk.”

“Do you know how much I’ve helped you?”

As soon as I turned my head and opened my mouth, Go Yohan covered my face with his big hand. It was hard to breathe because my nose and mouth were pressed down. I glared at Go Yohan, glaring at Go Yohan with my eyes exposed above Go Yohan’s hand blade. My vision gradually blurred with moisture. Through the blurred vision, Go Yohan slowly tilted his neck. Go Yohan was making a haughty expression as if telling me to know it well.

“I made you a more valuable kid than Han Jun-woo, didn’t I.”

Go Yohan spoke like a man who was definitely bluffing. He was like a peacock spreading its tail. It was like he was showing off that he was such a great and capable person. Go Yohan smiled as if to show off and firmly grabbed my terrified face. As if to focus my attention.

“You were always in the second tier among the dickheads. Didn’t you always want the first tier position?”

Paha. Go Yohan burst out laughing. At the same time, he wiped his nose with his hand. Go Yohan’s cheeks, which had stopped crying, were white.

“I did that much for you, but what did you do to me.”

“…….”

“Tell me. What did you do to me!”

Go Yohan shouted. It was so loud that my eyes involuntarily squinted. It was certain. Go Yohan couldn’t control his emotions right now. I closed my eyes tightly to avoid reality. Excuses lingered around my lips. Unlike me, it was a very pure excuse. When I think about it, my love was cowardly but also pure.

I just didn’t want you to be hungry. We’ve eaten together for a really long time. I know you’re secretly a glutton. There’s no way I wouldn’t know. I’ve been looking at you in a bad way, and in that kind of way, for over a year. That’s why I took you to my house. I pretended not to, but I wanted to take care of you. I couldn’t let you stay forever because my parents were watching, but I tried my best to let you sleep and play at my house without feeling uncomfortable. I’m not such a bad guy. It was all for you.

“Ugh…, ugh.”

I wanted to make excuses, but the feeling of my heart collapsing choked me up, and I couldn’t speak. It was only natural that I couldn’t speak, as Go Yohan was now grabbing and pressing my face with the hand that wasn’t holding my wrist. All I could say in this situation, with my face buried in his crotch, were these short words.

“I, I didn’t do anything wrong…”

The sound of stifled sobs echoed on the floor. The reason I was shedding tears was because I hated it. I hated myself for making Go Yohan suffer, I hated myself for creating this situation, I hated Go Yohan for oppressing me like a discarded card, and I felt sorry for my own situation. I hated my position, which forced me to spit out words that hurt my pride, and yet I hated myself for feeling sorry for Go Yohan.

But the price of apology was too terrifying.

The hand that grabbed my face became burning hot. Similarly, my face also flushed. It was because of the shame. I quickly pushed away Go Yohan’s hand, which had loosened slightly. I thought it was an opportunity. I squeezed through the briefly given gap and said, screaming.

“I was wrong, I was wrong!”

Even so, I couldn’t shout, and only hissed like a frightened wildcat. My gaze was on Go Yohan, but at the same time, I was watching the door. Half of my consciousness was looking for Go Yohan’s family.

“……”

Then, I heard something collide with a bang. It wasn’t a sound from here. I gasped for breath momentarily. Was it a person? Did they hear? Were they listening? I flinched in surprise. Go Yohan, who saw my action, slowly opened his mouth.

“Don’t be scared, you idiot.”

“So, sound… Is there anyone outside…”

“It came from my room. I left the window open.”

He was strangely kind again. I cautiously looked up at Go Yohan.

Go Yohan moved his thumb and slowly wiped my eyes. Unlike before, when he was ruthlessly pressing down, he was so gentle. As the hand that was oppressing me was released, the floodgates of my tear glands were opened. My eyes became hot, and tears welled up.

I struggled to turn my body. This time, I reached out and grabbed any object lying on the floor. I almost fell once. I desperately avoided Go Yohan’s hand, which was extended to support me. I didn’t fall to the floor, but I lost my balance and staggered.

“Ah, shit…”

Go Yohan, who had missed me, reached out his hand at once as if to grab me again. I tried to avoid it, but the already tattered shirt fell into Go Yohan’s grasp. I heard the sound of a button tearing off. The shirt was torn off at once. Because of the shirt that was opened along with it, the upper body, which had been giving strength, lost its supporting power. I fell to the floor as I had been struggling to escape from Go Yohan.

“……!”

Then, something light was caught in my hand. I didn’t miss it. It didn’t matter what it was. Anything was fine as long as it got me out of this situation. I slammed what I had in my hand down on Go Yohan’s head as he approached me.

Thud.

What fell to the floor with a heavy sound was Go Yohan’s alarm clock.

“Ah, damn it…”

Go Yohan grabbed one side of his head and looked up. He seemed to have taken quite a hit, as he squinted one eye and staggered. This was the time. I pushed Go Yohan’s shoulder again and turned my body. Go Yohan reached out his hand again. Fortunately, Go Yohan was late. Go Yohan’s hand barely grabbed the tip of my finger, and then let go.

I have to get out of this room quickly before Go Yohan comes. I have to get out.

I was seized by that thought. I threw myself and grabbed the doorknob. Before opening the door, I turned around to check on Go Yohan. It was a reflexive action. It was probably a foolish thing my instinct made me do. He seems to have been hit too hard. Because that weak thought crossed my mind.

“……”

And that foolish act stopped me in my tracks. Go Yohan couldn’t get up because he was dizzy, so he leaned against the wall and couldn’t move a step. He just looked back and forth between me and the door with trembling eyes and said desperately.

“…You’re really going to die.”

“……”

“If you move even one step from there, you’re really going to… die by my hands.”

I was a fool to hesitate at those words. This pathetic instinct doesn’t go anywhere. It was my instinct that always dropped me into the abyss. Go Yohan, who noticed my hesitation, said anxiously.

“Don’t ignore my warning.”

Or maybe he didn’t even know what he was saying because he was dizzy.

“No. It’s not over. I’ll take it back. No. So don’t go.”

I had a sense of déjà vu at those words. That warning that he stuttered. That warning came to mind. I instinctively stepped back. Go Yohan made a strange face at that action. But because I didn’t know what would happen if I stayed in this place. I ignored the face whose expression I couldn’t read and closed the door.

Go Yohan’s face disappeared under the door.

I hurriedly went down the stairs. As I ran straight to the front door, I suddenly ran into Go Yohan’s younger sister, who had popped out of her room. Damn it. I almost bumped into her because I was running too fast. Go Rosa, who was holding an empty cup with her eyes wide open, slowly scanned my appearance.

“……”

“……”

Messy hair, torn shirt. Even if she’s just a middle school student, if she’s a student who plays at the top of a prestigious middle school, she would have immediately understood what this meant. No, she’s probably a high school student now. I’m a year older too. Right.

I instinctively looked at Go Rosa’s expression. It wasn’t good. My head went blank. I’m screwed. I hurriedly straightened my clothes and hair. As a finishing touch, I smiled as nonchalantly as possible. But Go Rosa’s expression became even more serious. The hand holding the cup stretched out one finger and slowly pointed to my shoulder.

“Shoulder……”

“Ah, th, this.”

I pulled up the crumpled shirt even more with flustered hand gestures.

“…I got hurt by accident.”

“Ah.”

Go Rosa’s eyes narrowed. Her small lips moved a few times, closed, and then moved again. I, who saw that hesitation with my own eyes, couldn’t help but panic. What should I do? What should I do? My head short-circuited. The answer that came out of the trash can, which was mixed with various things, even food waste, was too ordinary and absurd.

“I’m going home. Rosa.”

“……”

“This injury is because I fought with your brother for a while… I’m just in a bad mood. It’s nothing. It’s not, so don’t worry. I’m going. Goodbye.”

In that confusion, Go Rosa finally opened her mouth.

“I’ll open the front door for you.”

“……”

“Go. Just go.”

She made that expressionless face that I always saw and scanned me up and down. I hurriedly lowered my hands to cover my lower body with a burning face. My fingers, which covered my shame, felt pathetically insignificant.

Go Rosa indifferently turned her gaze and unlocked the front door. I couldn’t even see the tip of that young girl’s toes. She opened the door and headed to where she was originally going, ignoring me. It was a very relaxed and smooth walk.

Suddenly, I smelled a strong cologne that middle-aged men use.

“……!”

I suddenly got scared and ran out the door. Even after leaving the front door, even while crossing the garden, even on the way to my house, I couldn’t come to my senses and ran like crazy. My breath came up to my throat and tightened me up.

Finally, after opening, closing, and locking my house gate, I could finally sit down on the floor with relief. I ran that short distance, but the sound of my rough breathing and the pounding of my heart that felt like it was about to burst spread. The soft voice that stuttered grew louder and louder in time with the sound of my heart.

‘He… is strange.’

‘Kang Jun. Be careful.’

Be careful of Go Yohan. Han Tae-san’s voice became clear in my noisy mind.

No. No. That can’t be. I shook my head alone. I needed time to sort out what had happened to me. That couldn’t have happened to me. That couldn’t have happened. It must be my delusion. No matter what, Go Yohan wouldn’t do that. It’s all, all a misunderstanding.

But the most unfortunate thing for high school students is that they have to go to school no matter what, even though they know the misfortune that will happen to them right away.

[To be continued in Volume 3]