By Zephyria 
164
At those words, Tae-muk’s hand, which had been drying Ho-eun’s hair, paused for a brief, very brief moment. But soon, as if nothing had happened, he resumed stroking his hair. Ho-eun continued.
“He didn’t die on the battlefield fighting Devouring Ghouls, but because he couldn’t find his Bondmate… because he couldn’t find his Bondmate, that’s why he died.”
This time, Tae-muk’s hand stopped completely. A God of War without a Bondmate. Those words struck a deep chord with Tae-muk as well. He looked at Ho-eun. But Ho-eun was staring not at Tae-muk, but out the window, at the sky where snow was falling silently, endlessly.
“He wanted to fight on the battlefield until the end, but in the end, he couldn’t bear it and came home. And that’s how he closed his eyes, at home.”
“…That must have been sad.”
Tae-muk said quietly. At the seemingly consoling words, Ho-eun smiled faintly.
“Was it? Actually, I don’t remember very well. He passed away when I was about ten years old. I don’t have many memories of my older brother himself. He became the God of War when I was just a baby, and after that, he was always on the battlefield.”
“……”
“But… I remember very clearly how sad my parents were. On days like this when it snows, I remember seeing them wailing in front of his grave.”
To ten-year-old Ho-eun, his father and mother were adults as large as mountains. Dignified, wise, and respectable. But seeing those two collapse beside a snow-covered grave, writhing and crying, was truly shocking.
“And every year around this time, they’re just as sad.”
“……”
“As the days passed, I, who was ten years old, became twenty, but even so, my parents’ sadness doesn’t diminish at all.”
“……”
“Maybe… they’re still sad now.”
Ho-eun took a deep breath for a moment. The cold air had a unique, biting smell of winter. Whenever Ho-eun smelled this, he was reminded of his parents’ tears.
“When my older brother’s death anniversary approaches, I deliberately say silly things and act dignified in front of them. Hoping that they might smile even a little. But this year, since I’m not there, they’ll have to bear that sadness all by themselves…”
“……”
“I’m worried. I’m afraid that I might have created another emptiness in their hearts that are already empty because of my older brother. I’m afraid they’ll be even sadder than usual.”
Ho-eun scratched his chest as if to scrape it away. He sighed, narrowed his brow, and then relaxed it. After that, he stared at the pitch-black sky again, and then suddenly chuckled as if in self-mockery.
“Isn’t it foolish?”
“What is?”
“If the General hadn’t mentioned the end of the year earlier, I wouldn’t have even realized that my older brother’s death anniversary was approaching, and now I’m acting like this.”
“……”
Tae-muk had nothing to say. He just kept stroking Ho-eun’s hair. Ho-eun looked at Tae-muk, and belatedly realized that he had said something tactless, that is, a concern beyond his station.
Worrying about his living parents. There were countless people on the battlefield who had lost family, parents, siblings, or children. Moreover, Tae-muk was a general leading a unit, and he must have seen a lot of death. Perhaps his worries were not only pathetic but also ridiculous.
Ho-eun quickly changed the subject.
“But, well, time seems to pass very quickly on the battlefield. It’s already the end of the year. When I met the General at the Bondmate Ceremony, it was still early autumn and the leaves hadn’t even turned yet.”
“……”
“It wasn’t that long ago, but it feels so distant. Back then, everything was new and unfamiliar…”
Ho-eun, who had been trying to raise his voice brightly, slowly closed his mouth. Then, as if in dismay, he tightly closed his eyes and opened them again. There was no point in looking back on the beginning between Tae-muk and himself. He had made a mistake.
What should he do about this heavy atmosphere? He thought about closing the door to block the cold air, and was about to raise himself halfway when.
“Byeonguk always goes to Hanyang.”
Tae-muk said something out of the blue. Ho-eun, who had been blinking rapidly, sat back down. Then, he repeated his words a couple of times and asked in a small voice.
“Because of the records…?”
“Yeah. That guy’s the fastest. He’ll be going this time too.”
“I see.”
Ho-eun nodded slightly. He was taken aback by the sudden words, but he still hoped that Byeonguk would return safely and healthy. But Tae-muk said something else that he hadn’t asked.
“He’ll probably take the records and those few pieces of paper you wrote when he goes. It won’t be too heavy.”
“Yes. Since he won’t have any luggage, he’ll be able to get back faster.”
Ho-eun wondered why Tae-muk was saying these things, but he still responded dutifully. He figured that Byeonguk was a soldier who always stayed by his side, so he must be worried about him. There had been no reaction to what he had said so far, but it was rather fortunate that there wasn’t.
“And well, a few more pieces of paper won’t really make it heavier or slower, will it?”
“……Pardon?”
“What difference would it make to bring back a few more pieces of paper?”
“……”
Ho-eun looked at Tae-muk as if he didn’t understand what he was saying at all. He seemed to want to say something, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. So he just stared at Tae-muk, and he threw the wet cloth away in annoyance.
“I thought you were smart, but why can’t you understand what I’m saying?”
“……”
Ho-eun, who had been scolded for doing nothing, wore a bewildered expression. But he thought he should apologize first, so he opened his mouth. But Tae-muk beat him to it.
“Letters. Write them. I’ll tell him to deliver them.”
“Letters?”
“……”
“To whom?”
“……”
“Do you have any letters to write? Shall I write them for you instead?”
“Haa……”
At the following question, Tae-muk sighed deeply as if he was frustrated. He even turned his head sharply to the other side.
In the uncomfortable silence, Ho-eun blinked, blinked, blink-blink, blinked, erratically. As he did so, he replayed the strange conversation they had just had.
And soon, his eyes slowly widened. He sprang up as if he had been thrown, and knelt down in front of Tae-muk.
“Could it be… are you telling me to write a letter to my parents in Hanyang?”
At that, Tae-muk glared at Ho-eun as if asking if he had only just realized it now.
“Yes.”
“……”
Ho-eun’s breathing became rough. The sound of his breath filled the room. All sorts of emotions surged like waves in his large eyes. Seeing that, Tae-muk felt uneasy for some reason and quickly set a limit.
“You can’t go to Hanyang. I won’t send you even if you ask me to. Be satisfied with letters. Even that is something other guys can only dream of…”
Tae-muk’s voice, which had been deliberately lowered and spoken firmly, trailed off.
“…Why are you crying?”
Because Ho-eun was crying.
“Hngh…”
Tears welled up in his beautiful eyes. The shallow waves seemed to rise quickly, and then rolled down without him being able to stop them. When he thought of his mother, father, and brothers, as well as Deok-woo and Nureongi, he couldn’t hold back his tears.
But Tae-muk misunderstood the tears and shook his head, saying even more sternly.
“It doesn’t matter how prettily you cry, I can’t send you home. So-”
But Tae-muk couldn’t finish his sentence this time either. Because Ho-eun rushed into his arms.
“Letters are enough. Thank you. Hngh, thank you, General…”
Ho-eun sobbed, burying his face in Tae-muk’s neck. To be able to contact his family. He had never even imagined it. He thought it would only be possible when the Devouring Ghouls disappeared from the world someday. He was truly happy for the unexpected opportunity he hadn’t even thought of.
I’m doing well. Are you doing well?
Yes. We’re doing well too.
Just being able to let them know that, and to know that, would be enough to make him happy. All his worries would melt away like snow in spring.
“Thank you so much… General…”
Ho-eun, with a faint smile, hugged Tae-muk’s neck tightly. As he did so, he sniffled and swallowed his tears of joy.
“……”
Tae-muk stiffened at the sudden hug. Then, when Ho-eun’s moist breath, warmed by tears, was exhaled onto his neck, he frowned and said.
“Stop crying. You’ll get a fever again. If you keep crying, I won’t let you write letters?”
It was a rather grumpy remark, but Ho-eun couldn’t easily stop his tears. Rather, he hugged Tae-muk even tighter and cried like a child. At that, Tae-muk let out a long sigh through his nose, hesitated for a moment, and then awkwardly patted his back.
The snow, soaked with blood, was extremely muddy. More muddy and sticky than blood-soaked soil, it felt like someone was pulling his feet from below. His brow furrowed involuntarily with each step he took.
“……”
Ho-eun walked around, looking around with his mouth tightly shut. The corpses of Devouring Ghouls were scattered irregularly to the left and right in the area that the Crimson Rain Brigade had already swept through. Some had their limbs torn apart, others had their Helmet Bones broken, others were spilling their entrails, and still others had their brains splattered out. Ho-eun carefully examined them.
Before, he had found the corpses of Devouring Ghouls simply disgusting and grotesque, but now he had adapted enough to be able to examine how tall they were and whether there were any differences.
Ho-eun went back and forth from left to right, diligently examining the Devouring Ghouls, or rather, the traces of the Devouring Ghouls. He was looking for clues. Clues that could help him deduce the location of the Devouring Ghouls’ base.