By Zephyria 
61
Tae-muk sat across from Ho-eun with his arms crossed, intently watching him. Just as Ho-eun was about to take his third spoonful, he couldn’t help but ask.
“Why aren’t you eating the meat?”
Tae-muk felt suffocated watching Ho-eun leave the meat untouched, picking only at the bloated rice. How was he supposed to recover his strength eating like that? How was he supposed to put meat on his skinny body?
Tae-muk picked up his chopsticks. Ho-eun pushed the earthenware bowl towards him, misunderstanding that Tae-muk was going to eat.
Tae-muk tore off a tender piece of meat from near the leg. The meat shredded thinly like silk. He held it for a moment, seemingly contemplating something, then cut it in half again and placed it on Ho-eun’s spoon.
“……”
Caught off guard by the unexpected turn of events, Ho-eun looked at Tae-muk. Tae-muk looked back at Ho-eun, one eyebrow raised as if to say, ‘Why aren’t you eating? You don’t want to eat what I’m giving you?’ Ho-eun, flustered, brought the meat to his mouth.
It was such a small thing, yet it made him feel self-conscious and embarrassed. At home, his parents and brothers were strict about not putting side dishes on each other’s rice bowls, so he wasn’t used to this. Receiving food from Tae-muk felt different.
“Chilbok seems different than usual. Did something happen?”
Ho-eun, having chewed and swallowed the chicken, continued the conversation that had been interrupted. Tae-muk leaned back, placing his arms behind him. He then tilted his gaze to one side, replying nonchalantly.
“Just… I have something to say, and he’s acting like that to make me do it.”
“You have something to say to Chilbok?”
“No, to you.”
“……To me?”
Ho-eun tilted his head. They had been talking all this time, what more was there? Was there something else he didn’t know about the village? He didn’t have any more questions. But if he was going to tell him, he wouldn’t refuse to listen.
Ho-eun put down his chopsticks, ready to focus on what he had to say. But Tae-muk picked up his chopsticks again. Only one of them. He gripped it tightly, twirled it in the air, and stared intently at the blunt end. Then, as if dissatisfied with something, he clicked his tongue and put it back down.
It was an incomprehensible action. Ho-eun wondered if something was on his chopsticks, but then Tae-muk stretched out his arm and snatched the sword that was standing against the bookcase. He then drew it with a flourish.
“……”
In that instant, Ho-eun’s breath hitched. The sword was, to exaggerate slightly, as long as Ho-eun was tall. The blade was razor-sharp, and each time it moved, its flash cut sharply across his retina. The threatening object seemed out of place at the dining table. Ho-eun unconsciously pulled his chin in.
Tae-muk turned the sword halfway around and offered the hilt to Ho-eun.
“Stab me.”
Ho-eun blinked at the sword that was right in front of his face. Then, with an innocent expression, he asked.
“Stab what? The chicken? But isn’t the sword too big to cut chicken?”
If he were to cut the chicken with that sword, not only the chicken but the table would be split in two. The chicken was tender and didn’t really need a knife, he thought, but then Tae-muk chuckled.
“Not the chicken.”
“Then?”
“Me.”
“……Excuse me? What are you saying…”
“You might not be bedridden for five days like you, but I’ll be in pain for about half a day.”
Tae-muk continued speaking with his usual indifferent expression. Then, he suddenly frowned and unfrowned, realizing something he hadn’t considered.
“On the premise that you don’t touch me.”
“……”
Ho-eun simply stared at Tae-muk without a word. Tae-muk, interpreting that gaze, nodded and said in a tone that suggested he had expected as much.
“Okay, half a day won’t be enough. Then stab me every time I get better. Fill up five days if you want. Even longer is fine. Stabbing me about ten times should do it.”
“……”
Ho-eun’s mouth opened slightly. Was he telling him to stab Tae-muk ten times with this sword, for five days? Was that what he understood? Why? Why would he do such a thing? For what reason? With what purpose?
Even amidst all that, Ho-eun subtly moved his upper body away from the fiercely gleaming blade. He didn’t want to be near the sword.
“Why would I stab you, General?”
“Because I…”
Tae-muk swallowed dryly in the middle of his sentence and continued.
“Hurt you.”
At those words, Ho-eun once again stared at Tae-muk without saying anything. His thick eyelashes fluttered slowly. Whenever Tae-muk said or did something incomprehensible, Ho-eun’s reaction was always like this. He was trying to understand him.
“Are you perhaps… saying that since you hurt me, I should hurt you too?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you’re telling me to take revenge.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
Tae-muk’s eyebrows lifted slightly. There was a hint of delight in his expression. The word ‘revenge’ was perfectly fitting. But unlike him, Ho-eun’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Why should I take revenge?”
“Then what do you want to do?”
Tae-muk tilted his chin slightly and asked back. His expression suggested that he would grant him whatever he wanted. Ho-eun, still unable to understand, said.
“Wouldn’t it be enough… to apologize?”
In that instant, Tae-muk’s hand trembled slightly. It was a very small movement, but the entire sword he was holding shook, so it was impossible not to notice.
“……Apologize?”
“Yes. Apologize.”
“……”
Tae-muk closed his mouth. Ho-eun found that silence both disconcerting and puzzling.
“Perhaps… are you not sorry to me?”
Could that be possible? ‘I’ll let you stab me with a sword because I hurt you, but I don’t want to apologize?’ Was it because of his pride? Yes, that could be it. Tae-muk was a high-ranking person. He might get angry, saying, ‘How dare a subordinate demand an apology from a superior?’
But then Tae-muk’s gaze, which had been directed at Ho-eun, hesitantly shifted to the tip of the sword. He seemed somewhat embarrassed.
“Chilbok is making such a fuss because I hurt you.”
“……”
“The other guys are complaining too.”
While Ho-eun was sick, Tae-muk had been tormented by Gil-sang’s gentle criticism, Dong-ja and Man-soo’s noisy complaints, and Chilbok’s glare, which had turned into slits. Recalling those things, he clicked his tongue.
Out of the blue, Ho-eun reached for the sword. Tae-muk quickly turned the sword halfway around, so that the blade was facing down and the blunt side was facing up. Ho-eun’s hand touched the blunt side of the sword.
Ho-eun’s small Adam’s apple moved up and down. The coldness of the sword sent shivers down his arm. It was the first time he had actually touched something like this. There were several famous swords at home, but his parents had forbidden him from even going near them, fearing he might get hurt.
The gleaming blade was very unsettling to look at. He hadn’t minded when Gil-sang held the sword against the Devouring Ghoul, but he didn’t like this. It was a blade aimed at a person.
Ho-eun pressed down on the blunt side of the sword and said.
“It doesn’t matter what others think.”
“……”
“Are you, General, sorry to me?”
“……”
In fact, Tae-muk didn’t need to apologize. He was the God of War and a general, and Ho-eun was his Bondmate and a soldier.
Ho-eun was in a position where he had to obey if Tae-muk ordered him to be used as bait for the Devouring Ghoul and die. Just as the villagers who had been massacred had farmed there at the command of a nobleman, the hierarchy between Ho-eun and Tae-muk was the same.
In such a relationship, apologies and feelings of guilt could not exist, nor were they necessary.
Ho-eun knew that very well, but he still wanted to confirm Tae-muk’s feelings. He felt that he would be able to envision the future of their relationship if he did.
“……”
Tae-muk parted his lips as if to say something. But he couldn’t utter a word and closed his mouth. He even frowned as if he found this conversation uncomfortable. Then, he picked up the sword that Ho-eun had pressed down and offered it again.
“Just stab me. It’ll be more satisfying than receiving an apology from me.”
“It won’t be satisfying.”
“Why? Is this not enough?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then?”
“I don’t want you to get hurt, General.”
Ho-eun slowly shook his head. Then, he picked up the scabbard and handed it to Tae-muk. It was a signal for him to put the sword away. But Tae-muk didn’t take it.
“Why.”
“Pardon?”
“Why don’t you want me to get hurt? I hurt you.”
At the question that sounded almost accusatory, Ho-eun rested one end of the scabbard on the ground. It was heavier than he thought to hold. Ho-eun replied with a slightly more tired expression than before.
“Just because you hurt me, General, doesn’t mean I need to hurt you too.”
“Then?”
“Just… say you’re sorry.”
The conversation had come back to where it started. From the beginning, that was all Ho-eun had wanted. No, in fact, he hadn’t even wanted that. He hadn’t expected Tae-muk to act like this at all. He had only thought that their relationship would head towards a breakdown, and that spending his days by Tae-muk’s side wouldn’t be easy.
But Tae-muk was actually watching his mood, applying medicine to his wounds, and taking care of his meals. They had struggled over the pants, but that too was because he was wary of him leaving.
Also, he was spouting strange logic, saying, ‘Since you were hurt, I’ll be hurt too,’ but he seemed to be aware that he had hurt him.
All of that was unexpected. At Tae-muk’s position, subordinates were usually more insignificant than grass trampled underfoot. Especially in this kind of battlefield.
In any case, Ho-eun didn’t particularly want Tae-muk’s apology, but if he had to choose between stabbing him with a sword and him apologizing, he would naturally choose the latter.
“……That’s all?”
Tae-muk asked with an expression that suggested he couldn’t understand.
“Yes. That’s all.”
Ho-eun nodded firmly.