By Zephyria Young-geol chose silence instead of answering. I babbled, unable to take back the words that spilled out.
“As long as I’m your Hubae, I can stay by your side. Whenever you want to die.”
“……Pardon?”
“Even if I can’t love you forever, I’ll be by your side.”
The intention behind these words was purely goodwill. Like giving alms to a beggar. To bury the pathetic self of the past.
I knew how cunning this choice was.
Young-geol stopped crying and stared at me quietly. I met his eyes without looking away. Yes. I will help Young-geol to the best of my ability. If that relieves me of my guilt even a little. If that makes me better, I was willing to use him.
Not realizing that the contradiction would cause bigger problems.
“Then, please stay by my side. Whenever I want.”
I had the illusion that Young-geol’s eyes were shining sharply. Like a predator watching a rabbit caught in a trap.
I sensed something was wrong, but it was too late to turn back.
∗ ∗ ∗
The numbers were decreasing.
[7th floor]
The elevator finally arrived at the upper floor. I barely managed to gather my lingering thoughts. Even if I went through all the memories and judged right from wrong, Gyeoul, who would forgive me, was no longer by my side. The Little light bulbs that had connected us so closely were all turned off. Broken so badly that they could never be lit again.
As I sighed and waited for the door to open, someone suddenly put their arm around my neck like a shoulder hug and pretended to be friendly. I frowned with tired eyes and turned my head. The face of a colleague with whom I had a unilaterally bad relationship came into view, a sneer dangling from his lips.
“Kwon Yi-tae, you’re a celebrity these days, huh?”
“…….”
“I was so sorry that I greeted you to comfort you. You would have been kicked out if that project had been canceled, so it’s a relief. If you got away with just getting cursed at that much by the Head of department, you got off cheap, you son of a bitch. You’re disgustingly lucky. Share some of that luck with me.”
“……Oh, it was nice to see you. The elevator’s here. Goodbye.”
I didn’t even have the energy to deal with him.
Two crazy bastards stuck to me in a row, and fatigue rapidly covered my eyes. My eyes felt sore and stinging, as if my eyeballs would fall out. Just in time, the elevator arrived. I brushed off his hand like a bug and tried to move my feet. If he hadn’t suddenly grabbed my wrist.
Following Woo Young-geol, it was already the second time. I felt pain again in my throbbing wrist.
“You have no manners. That’s why things went crazy. Let’s catch up, Dong-ho? I heard from your team that you’ve been acting like a psycho to your team members these days. If you keep doing that, your reputation will plummet, Yi-tae. Or rather, is it already rumored and you’re being ostracized?”
“…….”
“How about quitting the company? You’re going to get sick from stress at that point.”
People’s eyes turned to us through the open doorway. The colleague spoke intentionally loudly, as if wanting everyone to hear. Raw criticism disguised as concern was mercilessly piercing. It’s not like his reputation would rise just by cutting me down like that.
Everyone knew about my work because I had been thoroughly broken in front of other employees. The reputation he was worried about had already plummeted long ago.
So it was all useless. Him clinging to me and picking a fight.
That, in a way, was also passion.
“Please go down first. I’ll take the next one.”
Fighting with him here and arguing would only add more spicy seasoning to the rumors. Fortunately, someone pressed the close button, and the elevator slowly went down.
All the surrounding stimuli were replaced with annoyance. No, I couldn’t even call it a stimulus. Something that flows. Something that must flow.
Someone’s malice could be let go as always. As if nothing happened.
Then the vibration rang in my pocket. Could it be. It was a little different from the premonition I had felt last time. ……Of course, in the end, the premonition was roughly correct. That intuition that Gyeoul’s heart had grown distant.
I couldn’t stop even in the face of the clear malice felt in the colleague’s expression. It was obvious that I would be caught for no reason because of this action, but I quickly took out my phone. It didn’t matter what he was muttering in front of me.
What mattered was whether this contact was from Gyeoul or not.
Spam
[Why haven’t you sent the money this month yet?]
But the contact I was waiting for did not reach me.
……It was just another malice.
All the malice in the world that I didn’t want to reach Gyeoul turned its back and poured down on me. Am I also filth, so only garbage is poured out? Like attracts like. A faint smile crumbled from my lips.
I ended up burying this filth on Gyeoul. I. I fell into the swamp instead to keep him from getting hit, but I lost my initial intention and threw the filth at Gyeoul instead. I blamed him for making things difficult for me. There was no bigger idiot than me.
It was like giving something unwanted and then getting angry because it was taken away.
“Are you laughing?”
“If my reputation gets worse, you’ll get promoted first. Congratulations. Isn’t that a good thing for you?”
“……This bastard. Do you think I’m such a petty person?”
“It’s about time for you to become Head of section, though. No, were you pushed back by a Hubae last time during promotions? So what are you going to do, Dong-ho?”
That’s why you’re a perennial Assistant manager. You’re just jealous without the skills or ability. You should put more effort into your performance during that time.
Dong-ho had been unilaterally angry with me since I was promoted first. No, it seems it was after that. When he directly expressed his inferiority complex to me.
He went around telling everyone that he liked a certain female colleague. He even said not to mess with her because it seemed like they would get together. But when that colleague suddenly confessed to me, he picked fights with me over everything.
As if I had taken his share.
“…….”
“That’s why you get everything taken away.”
“You son of a bitch!”
“I heard your performance evaluation was also a disaster. What are you going to do if you get passed over for promotion again?”
I was even grabbed by the collar. Fortunately, there was no one around. The voices weren’t loud either, so it didn’t seem like they could be heard inside the office. I easily grabbed and shook him off. I didn’t have much energy in my body, but I could still shake him off this much. His face turned red with anger, and he spoke with a severely distorted expression.
“You get dumped because you act like that. It’s already rumored that you got dumped. I can tell just by looking at you. Do you know? How long do you think you can stay so high and mighty?”
Ah……. This one hurt a bit. No, it wasn’t just a painful level. To hear the news of our breakup from someone else’s mouth. Without even knowing why we broke up…….
Whenever I tried to recall the past mistakes, my body refused. As if telling me not to know. It even prevented me by deliberately causing pain. The phone in my hand vibrated again. The clear malice was accurately aimed at me and stabbed me. Right in front of me, and far away.
As if telling me to die.
Leaving the angry colleague behind, I checked the owner of the vibration again. Knowing it wasn’t Gyeoul, I couldn’t stop. With a glimmer of hope.
Spam
[It’s easy to find out your address. I’m his mother, do you think I can’t do it? You really don’t want him and me to meet, do you? You’ve been sending it regularly, but this time it’s quite late.]
[Send the money I spent raising him before I go to get it from him. I don’t really want to see your faces either.]
[You’re not broken up, are you? You have to live well for ten thousand years after ruining our family like that. Don’t you think so?]
And again, I was disappointed. It was such a cunning heart. To be discouraged even knowing it wasn’t.
The malicious criticism didn’t have a big impact on me. As long as it didn’t reach Gyeoul, they were just words that could be ignored. But if this criticism was directed at Gyeoul, things were different. That…… wouldn’t do. Even if we had broken up. The proper responsibility was on me.
I didn’t want anyone to approach Gyeoul. Even if it was just my greed.
The delusional Young-geol, and his biological mother who gave nothing but wounds and demanded payment. I had to end it all on my end. Sometimes it was too much to bear. But because it all started in my hands, I had to endure it.
Yes,
The only filth in Choi Gyeoul’s life was me.
Perhaps I already knew that fact.