By Zephyria “Why are you saying that?”
Choi Hong-seo’s voice, laden with tears, trembled. He knew he wasn’t angry at himself. He found it strange that tears welled up just because he spoke a little stiffly, unlike usual.
He, who hadn’t flinched even when Myeong Do-hoon hurled harsh words, who had been called cold-hearted so many times and had to become even colder to survive. Perhaps his love had truly turned him into a ‘baby’…
“I really… I was scared of parting with you again without saying goodbye, so even though I was scared… I gathered my courage and said it.”
New tears welled up as he spoke. He wasn’t used to acting spoiled, so he turned his head away in awkwardness. With the hand not held by him, he wiped the moisture from his cheek.
From Lee Hae-sung’s forearm, where the veins stood out in a dark blue under the rolled-up sleeve, the strength suddenly drained away. Choi Hong-seo approached him and cupped his face with both hands.
He gently traced the face that stubbornly avoided his gaze.
“I’m sorry. I spoke cruelly.”
The tears that flowed even more at the apology seeped between Lee Hae-sung’s palms and Choi Hong-seo’s cheeks. To Lee Hae-sung, those tears were the heaviest punishment, the sharpest whip.
“Are you not going to look at me anymore?”
“……”
He looked down at the face that sniffled and blinked. He gently stroked the wet eyelashes with his thumb and pulled his back close, cradling Choi Hong-seo’s face against his chest.
Choi Hong-seo didn’t refuse that.
After slowly composing himself, he gently held onto the lower back of Lee Hae-sung. A faint smile appeared on Lee Hae-sung’s lips. The smile seemed to deepen, then soon contorted strangely, like a sob. The arm holding Choi Hong-seo’s head gradually gained strength. Bending his upper body, he hugged him tightly as if to push Choi Hong-seo into his own stomach.
Even so, there was no complete corpse to hold and weep over.
Even if there had been, he wouldn’t have been allowed to visit the crematorium as a secret homosexual lover who had been hidden.
He couldn’t protect it.
This child, who had become accustomed to taking responsibility alone in a deep, dark swamp that was unfathomable, protected me by cutting ties instead of asking for help, for salvation. So that the foul, stinking sewage of that dark swamp wouldn’t splash onto me.
Everyone had only come to Lee Hae-sung asking for things.
In the secular world, he was known as someone who already had everything, so they didn’t even seem to think they could give anything to Lee Hae-sung.
Only this child slowly opened his heart not to my name but to my kindness, said he learned love from me, and tried to protect me with the love he learned from me.
In the darkness, Lee Hae-sung’s wide-open eyes gleamed. He couldn’t lose him. He wouldn’t let him be taken away this time.
“……”
Perhaps because he was hugging him too tightly, Choi Hong-seo’s hands, holding his waist, tugged at his shirt. Lee Hae-sung, surprised, loosened his grip. Choi Hong-seo’s face, which seemed to have cheered up, peeked up at Lee Hae-sung hesitantly.
“It’s the first time… we’ve fought.”
Choi Hong-seo’s voice, muttering as if to himself, sounded somewhat happy.
“You said before that you wanted to fight with me, remember?”
“To be precise, I said I wanted to hear you call out ‘Hey, Lee Hae-sung’ in anger during a fight.”
Lee Hae-sung’s chest ached at Choi Hong-seo’s words, calling this a fight. He was irresistibly precious and lovable. He brushed the lover’s hair, still clinging to his waist, and smiled as brightly as he could.
Choi Hong-seo, who rested his chin on Lee Hae-sung’s chest and looked up, moved his lips stained red with wine.
“Haesung-ssi.”
“Yes, Hong-seo-ssi.”
“Tomorrow, I want you to… inside you, with your… make me so I can’t walk to the plane on my own feet…”
“……”
Lee Hae-sung, who had stopped as if surprised, tried not to show it on his face. He didn’t want Choi Hong-seo’s courage to disappear. Gazing down at him with a lover’s smile, he caressed Choi Hong-seo’s earlobe and the back of his ear.
“Hmm… I don’t think our Hong-seo said ‘that’ just now.”
He knew well what memory Choi Hong-seo was recalling. They had only been intimate twice, and he remembered every moment.
“Tomorrow, even if I’m all better, I want you to… inside me with your penis… scratch it all up, so I can’t practice.”
The Choi Hong-seo who had said that in the past was in a state of arousal and had lost his reason. He didn’t think he could utter such words before starting foreplay, like he was now.
Holding Lee Hae-sung’s arm and applying pressure, Choi Hong-seo stood up. He moved closer until their chests were touching, and his lips, holding the color of wine, were hidden by Lee Hae-sung’s shoulder. Choi Hong-seo’s ears and cheeks, visible just below, were also red like wine.
“Let’s do it. Inside me with your penis… do it.”
The lover, twelve years his junior, surprised Lee Hae-sung. Lee Hae-sung froze, forgetting to even blink, in a place where Choi Hong-seo’s gaze couldn’t reach.
This time, Choi Hong-seo rubbed his cheek and lips against Lee Hae-sung’s neck, whispering more intimately, more tenderly.
“Even if it’s not for a long time, I want to feel like… you’re inside me.”
Lee Hae-sung’s wide-open pupils vibrated.
The day he went to find Choi Hong-seo, who was suffering alone in his room with a fever. Choi Hong-seo had said the same thing that day.
At the time, he had thought it was just because he was about to leave for a long overseas schedule. But that wasn’t it…
Lee Hae-sung’s hands, which were on Choi Hong-seo’s back, trembled slightly. As he hugged his lover tightly, Lee Hae-sung closed his eyes. He felt like the floor was dropping away.
Even then, this child had foreseen his own end. That’s why he had seduced him so aggressively that day. Because he knew it would be the last time…
Lee Hae-sung’s entire body began to shake. An unusual bluish glow flickered in his pupils. He hugged Choi Hong-seo so tightly as if to embed his hands into his skin, and the next moment, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the bed, walking with large strides.
As if he didn’t have time to unbutton his shirt, he pulled his t-shirt up over his head and undressed in an instant. He got onto the bed first and pulled Choi Hong-seo up. As Choi Hong-seo fell onto the bed, pulled by his strength, Lee Hae-sung quickly wedged himself between his legs and settled in.
Looking down at Choi Hong-seo, who lay beneath him with their lower bodies fully pressed together, Lee Hae-sung looked like a provoked beast. With every breath, the muscles of his trained upper body twitched.
Through the thin indoor pants he wore instead of pajamas, Lee Hae-sung’s erection felt more prominent than usual. He deliberately and provocently twisted his hips, rubbing it against Choi Hong-seo’s crotch. Choi Hong-seo instinctively tried to pull back, but Lee Hae-sung grabbed his sides and pulled him down forcefully.
“Hngk!”
“For how long? How long were you planning not to see me that you said that?”
Even though he was just rubbing through their clothes, his penis had a formidable presence, as if it were already inserted. It felt like a thick, rich, reason-numbing male pheromone was emanating from his groin.
“Hyung…”
“How long are you planning to be away this time?”
Pushing up his t-shirt until his chest was exposed, Lee Hae-sung lay flat on Choi Hong-seo’s upper body. He kissed his way up, from his lower abdomen, navel, upper abdomen, chest, and nipples. His gaze, burning as if angry, remained fixed on Choi Hong-seo’s eyes.
“Ugh, ugh…”
After sucking Choi Hong-seo’s swollen right nipple until it tingled, he came up to Choi Hong-seo’s chin and shook his head with glistening eyes.
“Not this time.”
He shook his head.
“I was an idiot back then, but now my eyes are wide open. No one can take you away.”
Whispering as a warning, he then began to suck Choi Hong-seo’s lower lip. He sucked and bit down hard, pressing against the delicate inner membrane until a slight flush of blood appeared.
“Eeeeng… ng…”
The moans that escaped from somewhere between pleasure and pain were several times sweeter. As his tongue began to melt from deep within his throat, his supple, elastic tongue wriggled and burrowed in. The flesh, thicker, wider, and stronger than Choi Hong-seo’s, moved like a tyrant, as if trying to occupy his entire mouth.
He spread his thighs wider to receive him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He responded to the kiss, struggling to hold the tongue that brushed against the inside of his cheeks, scraped his palate, and rubbed against his tongue.
With their lips fully pressed together, they opened and closed, sucking each other’s flesh, the soft volume soaked in wine. If his lower lip was being eaten, his upper lip was immediately eaten, and between them, their tongues wriggled and rubbed… it was a kiss like sex. A kiss that could only be done in their private bedroom.
Even if they didn’t say it out loud. Both of them harbored fear.
When embracing the person they loved, thinking each time that it might be the last, elegance or shyness were merely cumbersome. Their sex life had long since stopped matching things like the finest linen sheets or the most luxurious latex toppers.
After the kiss, kisses traveled across his face. He knew that the places he kissed with such care were where the spots appeared.
Would he find them disgusting, unsightly? Asking would only hurt him twice. He simply met his gaze, without shame, and surrendered himself to his hip movements.
“Ng, uhh, mm… hngk!”
A large hand, wedged between their stomachs, dug into Choi Hong-seo’s underwear. At the sensation of his hand directly touching his private parts, his mouth went dry and his back arched. He fumbled, pushing his hand deep inside. Choi Hong-seo writhed and moaned.
“Hong-seo’s water has flowed this far.”
“Ugh, ugh, hng… hng…”
His middle finger, which had been playfully scratching around the wet opening where pre-cum had flowed, then pushed straight and long into him. Choi Hong-seo gripped his shoulder tightly. His skin, slick with sweat, slipped in his hand.
“Can you feel it? My finger just sliding in.”
“Hahahat, hauk! Hng!”
“We’ve done it too much, Hong-seo-ya.”
Lee Hae-sung, lying on top of Choi Hong-seo, smiled sexily with sweat beading on his face.
“We’ve done it too much… I think your place has become a real penis.”
He knew it was just dirty talk during sex. Talk about genitals, talk about pregnancy. He had said he had given up on having children the moment he accepted himself as gay. But feeling his weight, looking at his face, and feeling his presence inside his body at this moment, Choi Hong-seo was actually hoping for it.
He placed his hand on his face, furrowed in concentration to suppress his arousal. He felt his finger, which was piercing deep into his abdomen. He was still alive. He didn’t want to disappear. He didn’t want to make him sad.
“Baby…”
“Huh?”
“If I could give you even a baby… that would be nice.”
“……”
He paused for a moment, then lowered his head deeply. His lips brushed past Choi Hong-seo’s ear.
“Just drive the nail in all the way.”