By Zephyria The ship Ivan had prepared was a sailing ship with a long, elegant hull.
At the prow stood a bust of Shinui Saras, her hair unbound, and the wide deck was polished to a deep sheen. The large sail and two smaller ones hanging from the thick masts fluttered as if ready to embrace the wind, even while neatly furled.
The oars attached to the lowest level of the sailing ship were said to move by the power of Magic. I wondered how on earth they had managed to incorporate such a thing, but I kept my mouth shut when I learned he had received help from a Wizard he knew. If it were me, I would have naturally thought of hiring rowers first. I couldn’t believe this massive ship was a single Artifact. It made Ivan feel distant again, and my insides twisted with pain, but I didn’t show it.
Love.
I was still bound by that single word from Ivan’s lips, writhing in anguish.
Among those who didn’t know Ivan loved me was myself. Of course. Ivan was originally scheduled to marry Sienna, and he still called me Sienna now. It was obvious he would treat anyone he married just as well. Anyone who held the position of his wife would have been doted on in the same way. If the real Sienna were his wife, she might have received even more affection than I did.
The love I knew was not like that.
It was trembling all over as if struck by lightning, unconsciously missing his breath even when we were apart for a moment, constantly paying attention to where his gaze and steps were directed, my breath catching when our fingertips brushed, and being jealous of my own sister, whom I had only seen once, even though I knew it was absurd. Such base and petty emotions were the love I knew.
In the corner of my vision, workers, like ants carrying breadcrumbs, carried cargo onto the ship.
Including Paul, a total of twenty laborers had volunteered for the voyage to Yulan. Ivan didn’t particularly want their apologies. Because of this, all the volunteer laborers carried their loads awkwardly, unable to meet Ivan’s eyes. Since I didn’t want to forgive them with just a word or two of apology, I also pretended not to notice.
Ivan, after chatting with the captain he had separately hired, beckoned me over.
“⋯What is it?”
“I thought it would be best if Madam also knew how to operate this sailing ship.”
“⋯Me?”
“Yes. While we will have a captain and a Helmsman, this ship was made as a wedding anniversary gift, after all. It’s Madam’s property, so Madam should know how to handle it.”
“Ah… Yes.”
“Basically, it’s not much different from using an Artifact. There are seven buttons here…”
Unlike Ivan, who had handled the buttons skillfully as if he were a Wizard after hearing the explanation just once, I could only grasp the basics of operating the ship after hearing the explanation three or four times. It was because it wasn’t just about pressing buttons in order, but a method of combining them by pressing each button a certain number of times.
I wondered if it would be better to write a cheat sheet and post it in front, but both the captain and Ivan seemed to expect me to memorize it, so I just pretended to have done so.
As I was doing that for a while, Paul, who had been standing a little distance away, approached Ikyun and spoke to him discreetly.
“Um, I’ve finished loading the cargo now.”
Paul, who had clashed the least with Ivan, was the only friend who had volunteered to assist me on this voyage. It was fortunate, as the others had all retreated, making excuses about being embarrassed or sorry. Yet, I still resented him because he had clearly seen how Ivan was being treated but had stood by and not told me.
Ivan, instead of me, who couldn’t immediately respond with my complicated feelings, accepted his greeting.
“Good work, Paul.”
“Thank you. What should I do now?”
“In emergencies, it will be controlled from the captain’s cabin, but there’s no need to waste Mana Stone under normal circumstances. I have arranged for the five sailors I hired to teach the laborers how to control the sails and anchor. Please gather the people from Eldos and receive an intensive lecture for two hours starting now, so we can depart.”
“⋯Yes. Then, I will proceed with the departure at 11 o’clock.”
“Excellent.”
“Yes. I look forward to working with you, Baron.”
“⋯Baron?”
“Uh. Well, Baron Bikoff instructed me to call you by that title from now on…”
Paul glanced at me nervously.
At the Eldos Merchant Guild, I had always been called Eric, Vice Guild Master, Master, and so on. It was the same even after marrying Ivan. And Ivan… He was called Assistant Guild Master, His Lordship, Him, and so on.
“Baron” was much better than such awkward titles. I nodded in agreement. Paul, however, didn’t leave immediately but hesitated a bit longer before giving a slight bow towards me.
“I will do my best to ensure Baroness has a comfortable journey.”
“⋯What?”
“Uh, um. The Baron instructed me to call you that from now on…”
“…”
Bewildered, I looked around.
Ivan stood straight beside the somewhat awkward captain and Helmsman, his expression as calm and brazen as ever. Yes, I was indeed the Baroness. That was true… It was true, but… Come to think of it, what did Ivan call me today? Within the guild, he had called me Miss Sienna all along, but today he…
Ah, I don’t know.
“⋯Alright, I’m counting on you, Paul.”
Let’s just go with that. If my husband wants it that way, who am I to object? How important can a title be? I was simply amazed by Ivan, who called me “Madam” without any shame, even though I was like a fifty-year-old cedar tree.
As the wide sails were unfurled, the Eldos Ho glided along the river.
All the sailors and laborers who had worked hard carrying cargo since morning had retired to their respective cabins to rest, and the captain and Helmsman were in the ship’s control room. Thus, only Ivan and I were on the wide deck. Despite wearing several layers of thick clothing, the crisp late autumn river wind chilled my forehead and cheeks.
Ivan’s words that the ship was named Eldos because it belonged to the Eldos Merchant Guild went without comment. It was because I now lived as Sienna Bicov, and Eldos and Eric felt like names that were not mine. My best effort was a simple “Thank you.”
Ivan, who had been quiet until then, took my fingertips and held them.
“⋯Madam.”
“⋯Yes?”
“Did I act too arbitrarily?”
“⋯Yes? No, no.”
“You don’t seem to be in a good mood…”
I didn’t know why I was so down myself, so how could you?
I tightened my grip on Ivan’s hand, which was as cold as mine. Ivan, who was a head shorter than me, had hands that were thinner, more delicate, and smaller than mine. So, when I held his hand, the fact that I was a man hit me with overwhelming force, which was irritating. Was he truly alright with someone like me? I…
I looked down at him without saying anything. Then, Ivan, who had been gently stroking my fingertips, opened his mouth as if whispering in a languid tone.
“I can think of three things.”
“⋯Yes?”
“First. You’re worried that you left your hometown on bad terms. Or perhaps you’re bothered that you haven’t reconciled after fighting with your friends.”
“No. It’s not the first time I’ve fought with them, and they all admitted they were wrong. They’re the type to cling to me again as if nothing happened when we meet next time… I’m fine.”
“Then, second. You’re uncomfortable with me arbitrarily defining the title?”
“⋯That’s not it either. I should have sorted out the titles properly from the beginning… I myself am not used to being called Baroness, and since we’ve known each other for so long, we’re accustomed to calling each other comfortably. I’m just sorry that I was awkward and couldn’t sort out the titles beforehand.”
“Then, the third.”
Ivan’s fingers wove between mine. The warmth transferred from our clasped hands, held intimately, felt excessively hot. Was it because the river wind was cold? His light chestnut eyes, staring directly at me, sparkled a grayish-brown in the sunlight. So unnecessarily handsome. I swallowed the sigh that rose from the depths of my belly.
“You’re upset because I spoke like that, said those things, in that situation?”
“…”
Ah.
Ah, shit. Something welled up from within me. A huge bubble of air pushed up my insides from below my navel, rising to my throat. Not wanting to reveal my suddenly hot, teary eyes, I turned my head sideways. The reeds swaying along the riverbank in the distance appeared blurry.
I’m not someone who cries so easily, really, I’m not.
“⋯No, I’m not.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re not.”
“…”
“Look here.”
“…”
“Madam.”
“⋯No, you’re not.”
I felt wronged, hurt, and distressed. Now I finally understood why I was so sad. Love, I had endured without expecting or hoping for it. I thought I could live happily forever with you even without such things. But why did you say those words and make me hope? Why, for heaven’s sake? Ah, shit*. Stop being so embarrassing, Eric Eldos. But the voice that escaped my lips trembled, pathetically.
“Love, that kind of thing… No, you’re not. I’m not.”
“Why do you think that?”
“I’m not Sienna…”
“…”
“I am.”
Someone, please sew my mouth shut. Make me stop talking.
My head felt hot, and tears streamed down my face. I was afraid my tightly clasped hand would slip away at any moment. I desperately wished he would stop me from dragging out my words, one by one, with great difficulty. But Ivan didn’t stop me, the river wind was still crisp, and a resentment I hadn’t even known existed shook me.
“I took advantage of your kindness. Our marriage is that kind of contract, and I… I’m not a woman, and marriage… I didn’t want to give such a thing, a wedding that wasn’t blessed…”
“…”
“And on our wedding night, you left the window open.”
“…”
“Now I know, if we don’t truly… have sex. Our marriage… wouldn’t be recognized as a marriage, would it? If I were a woman, surely, I wouldn’t have had to do that… It would have been fine. Why did you have to… show such a… such a sight.”
“Ah.”
“⋯I dragged you here, forcefully. And then I couldn’t even pay attention to everyone ostracizing you…”
A soft handkerchief touched my cheek. I felt embarrassed and ashamed as the handkerchief, imbued with Ivan’s scent, became damp, and I pulled my head back. But my held hand was pulled forward. Our eyes met.
Ivan, Ivan… was smiling again. And he murmured gently, as if to comfort me.
“Well. I thought you were my destiny.”