By Zephyria My time with Michael turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable and fun.
Michael, who had a reputation for being overly averse to human touch, was said to have a strong grip and to be quicker than other children at holding his head up or sitting up. He was bright and intelligent, requiring little attention.
I thought he might have been the fastest to speak, but I couldn’t prove it since he had never opened his mouth to anyone but me. Puzzled, I asked him why he didn’t speak to others, and Michael replied,
“Nan-nyeo-chi-se-yen-si-ra.”
“⋯Nan-nyeo, what?”
“It’s an old saying: boys and girls over seven should not sit together. Don’t you have that here?”
“Uh… No… What’s so special about seven?”
“No, never mind. Anyway, I wish I had a man to look after me.”
“Well… First of all, there aren’t many people at the Viscount Ernhardt’s residence, so we’ll have to hire some soon… I don’t know if we’ll be able to find good people. The wet nurse and maids are people my mother arranged.”
“Hmm.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. It’s enough that you’re here.”
At Michael’s request, I learned how to feed him formula, bathe him, and change his diapers. It was unavoidable, as he found it unbearable to entrust his body to the hands of the wet nurse and maids. Gilbert had mentioned his own son recognized his name around the age of five or six, so why was my son so precocious…
But I liked it nonetheless.
“Where on earth did you learn to speak?”
“I learned by listening to the maids whispering amongst themselves. It took nearly a year.”
“…Ah, really? Just out of curiosity, are you speaking informally to me because I’m your father?”
“Informally?”
“Yes. Usually, you’d use polite language with adults… No, never mind. You’re still too young.”
“Hmm. Should I use polite language?”
“No, you’re cute, so it’s fine to speak informally. You can learn later when you’re older.”
“Okay.”
His occasional lisp was also incredibly cute, and
“This is the Viscount Ernhardt’s territory. I am the Viscount, and you too will become a Viscount or a Count later.”
“Viscount? What is that?”
“There are five ranks of nobility in our Sierran Empire…”
It was wonderful, truly, truly wonderful, how his eyes would sparkle as he listened to me explain basic knowledge.
“Mika, are you sleepy?”
“…Yes. Perhaps because I’m small, it’s hard to resist when I feel sleepy.”
“It’s okay, you can sleep. …Can I pat you today?”
“No, don’t touch me once I’m fully asleep. That’s not allowed, even for Father.”
“Mmm… Alright.”
“Hmm. Still, I’ll hold you for a bit.”
“Okay.”
Most of all, what I loved was that he would occasionally hug me tightly.
Is this what it feels like to love and be loved? Thinking of the warm milk scent and his body heat gave me the strength to live each day. I slept better than before, and somehow my appetite improved. I even started exercising again, something I’d put off for a long time, thinking I’d need more stamina to carry a child around all day.
Michael often asked me to read to him.
Even when I wasn’t with him, I had the maids ensure Michael could listen to books. When Mika read with me, he would practice pronouncing the words aloud himself.
Sometimes he would make strange, chirping sounds as he mumbled, and I thought it was baby babble. It was so cute that I often wanted to hear more and would pester him to speak. Each time, seeing his expression of pity, as if looking down on me, made me laugh a lot.
Sometimes he would ask to sleep with me, so I would bring Mika to my room.
The wet nurse vehemently objected, fearing I might accidentally crush Mikael, but Michael held my hand tightly, allowing me to overrule the wet nurse.
On nights we lay side-by-side in the same bed, we would talk about various things. Mostly, I would vent, and he would listen. His small hands patting my chest or forearm, as if he understood, brought me so much comfort.
And then, sometimes, or rather, often.
I would think of Seiren.
Was it because Michael resembled her so much? Or was it because I finally realized that my loneliness and sorrow stemmed from being alone? What was she thinking now? What kind of night was she having? If Seiren had a cute child like Michael, she might be happier.
Thinking that, a word I had struggled to say, a word I couldn’t say to anyone else, a word I could only say because Michael was still a baby, came out easily.
“…Hey, Mika.”
“I’m listening.”
“Don’t you miss your mother?”
“Mother?”
“Your mother. The one who gave birth to you.”
“Ah… Is she… still alive? I haven’t seen her around lately.”
“Mm-hmm. She’s alive… but she’s a bit unwell.”
“She’s your wife, isn’t she?”
“…Yes.”
“Then why haven’t you gone to see her until now?”
My words caught in my throat.
Why? Why couldn’t I… go see her?
Was it because she felt like a stranger? Or because I resented her? No, no. I…
“…Just, I was scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“That…”
I was scared she would think of her lover when she saw Michael. That she would regret marrying me. That she would realize she was unhappy because of me…
Unable to voice such feelings, I mumbled and buried my head in the baby’s round belly. His small hand patted my head gently.
“Perhaps… your mother… will hate me…?”
“Gal!”
Gal?
“As the head of the family, you shouldn’t mistreat your principal wife. Seeing how timid you are, it’s clear how difficult it must be for your wife.”
“…Ah. Ah, is it my fault?”
“Of course. Whose fault would it be? If your wife hates you even when you go and beg, there must be a reason. If you picked a flower, would she chase you away? Go quickly, apologize, and beg for forgiveness.”
“…That’s…”
Is that so?
Come to think of it, I hadn’t thought of giving her flowers since moving to Viscount Ernhardt’s residence.
No, forget flowers. It was hard to even see her face. After losing consciousness on our wedding night, I spent a month receiving various instructions from Oscar Valencia at Duke Valentia’s residence. As soon as I returned to Viscount Ernhardt’s residence, I heard she was pregnant… After that, it was almost… I mean…
…
“…Shall I… go see her?”
“Together?”
“Yes. Alone… I don’t have the courage.”
“Father is not a man.”
“Mmm, I guess so. Mika, help me.”
“…I have no choice. Let’s go.”
“Huh? Now?”
The baby, who had sat up abruptly, slowly lay back down. He let out several sighs, “Achoo, achoo,” from his tiny mouth, making me feel like the worst person in the world.
“It’s too late now to enter the women’s quarters, so let’s go tomorrow.”
“…Alright, tomorrow.”
“We’re going as soon as we wake up.”
“Huh? Uh… Yes. Let’s do that.”
And so, the next morning.
Holding Michael, I went to see my wife. I awkwardly put on a suit I hadn’t worn in a long time, trying to look presentable. Michael grumbled that he didn’t like my appearance, but he nodded in agreement with my idea of picking a flower that resembled her hair color.
However, when we arrived at the detached house where she mostly stayed, she wasn’t there.
“What shall we do, my Lord Viscount? The Viscountess is currently sleeping.”
“Ah… Is that so? Then, for today…”
Slap.
The child in my arms lightly slapped the back of my hand. I wished this child would understand that it was natural to observe etiquette even between a married couple, but he kept hitting my hand as if scolding me, without a word, and I couldn’t bear it. Standing there bewildered, I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to say one more thing.
“Then, I will just take a look at her sleeping face.”
“…Yes? Ah, would that be alright…?”
“Of course! Please come this way. Lately, she tends to startle awake when she sleeps, so it’s best to come and go quietly. Would you like me to prepare some water for you?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine. Thank you.”
My wife.
Yes, no matter how much her sleep increased, I was in a position to see her anytime. The maid who had looked at me with a strange gaze replied that it was fine and led the way to Seiren’s bedroom door. I entered the room as quietly as possible, trying to minimize my footsteps, and the door closed behind me.
The woman lying on the bed was gaunt.
Even if she was thin, I had heard she was a vibrant and lively woman. But the woman I saw was mostly like this. Still, when she was first pregnant with Michael, she seemed to have a good appetite… Well, I didn’t know.
How exhausted must she be? How much pain must she be in to be like this…
As I stood there lost in thought, staring blankly at her, Michael, who had been clinging to me, suddenly spoke.
“Mother.”
“Wait a moment, Mika. The Young Lady is sleeping…”
Her blue gaze looked up at me. Seeing her hazy, watery eyes, so much like hers, I couldn’t speak. The child, looking at me as if to scold or reprimand my timidity, spoke again in a soft voice.
“Mother. I’m here.”
The lady’s eyes, which seemed like they would never open, suddenly fluttered open.
A moment felt like an eternity. This was the first time I had made eye contact with her at such an intimate distance since our wedding, which had only lasted a short period of four or five days. Something felt heavy, I didn’t know if it was my ears or my throat. A nauseating feeling, like a hot water bottle pressed against my chest, rose within me.
Michael, who had been held in my arms the whole time, squirmed. I held him tightly, not wanting to startle Seiren by letting go of this tiny baby in front of her. His wide, startled blue eyes were the same color as Michael’s.
“Uh oh,” I was pulled forward a few steps.
And I placed the struggling child into the arms of the Duke’s Young Lady, Seiren. Michael, who had been wriggling uncharacteristically, let out a deep sigh from his tiny mouth, just as he always did when he was in Seiren’s embrace. Then he said this.
“It must have been hard.”
“…You? …Mika…? Oh, why are you here…”
“Don’t be sick. Okay?”
Ah, for some reason, tears welled up.
Unable to say anything, I covered my face with both hands.
It was the 21st month and 7th day since Michael Ernhardt was born into this world.