By Zephyria 
Haa, haa.
Koi ran frantically through the streets. Bernice’s voice kept echoing in his mind.
“Junior has been discharged. He’s scheduled to come home today. You can wait for Junior’s call, or you can wait at home.”
To the usual business-like voice, Koi blurted out, “Thank you!” without realizing it.
“Um, why did you contact me?”
He stopped his feet, which were about to rush off, and asked cautiously. Bernice replied in her still cool voice,
“I’m someone who keeps my promises.”
The call ended there, but Koi had no intention of dragging things out any further. He canceled his prior appointments and, while transferring between trains and buses to get to Ashley’s, he was restless with impatience.
Will Ash be okay?
Seeing that Bernice hadn’t said anything specific, he told himself Ash would be fine, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy.
Why hadn’t he contacted him at all during this time?
He was worried whether Ashley had just woken up or not. If the former, it meant he was that unwell, and if the latter, he couldn’t understand why.
It’s okay, I’ll be able to see him soon.
Koi realized belatedly that he had forgotten the ring, but quickly changed his mind. It was fine to buy a ring later. Or, he could go with Ash. What he needed to check first was Ash’s condition.
Hoo, taking a deep breath, Koi started running as soon as he got off the bus. He sped madly towards the incredibly tall and luxurious building overlooking the park.
\ \ *
“Hello, Mr. Niles.”
The doorman greeted Koi, who was gasping for breath, his lungs burning. Relieved to see a familiar face, Koi replied in a voice that was breaking,
“Hel-lo, Ash, haa, Mr. Miller, has he… returned?”
He managed to ask between ragged breaths, and the man nodded.
“Yes, he went up three hours ago.”
After confirming, the doorman walked ahead and pressed the elevator button.
As Koi hastily stepped into the elevator, his heart began to pound for a different reason. I’ll be able to see him soon. Soon. Finally.
The moment the elevator doors opened, Koi shot out like a bullet. Crossing the spacious house, he finally reached the kitchen, and Koi gasped.
He was there. Leaning one hand on the counter, drinking whiskey, and looking out the floor-to-ceiling window opposite him, Koi saw the tall man and stopped in his tracks, covering his mouth with his hand.
Ash.
His voice, which had subsided to a whisper, faded within his palm.
Haa, haa.
Panting breaths continued to escape his mouth. His shoulders heaved with breathlessness, but he couldn’t speak further. As his vision blurred with an inexplicable emotion, Ashley turned his head. Their eyes met, and for a brief moment, Koi’s entire body froze.
But the moment wasn’t long. A smile slowly spread across Ashley’s expressionless face, and he opened his mouth.
“Koi.”
Ashley set down his whiskey glass and opened his arms wide. Koi immediately ran into his embrace.
“Ash…!”
As he ran and hugged Ash tightly, reality flooded back. The solid body filling his arms, the warmth, it was undeniably real.
This isn’t a dream.
He had dreamt of Ashley countless times. But each time he tried to grasp him, he slipped away, but this time was different. Koi fumbled, checking Ashley’s body.
It’s real. He’s really back.
“I missed you.”
To Koi’s words, Ashley also embraced him and whispered tenderly,
“Me too.”
“Then why…”
A tearful voice escaped, and Koi suppressed his breath, continuing,
“What happened? Why didn’t you contact me…? You came back, so why…? Ah, no, it’s okay. You’re back. That’s enough.”
He hastily erased the words laced with resentment and repeatedly said it was okay. Against Ashley’s chest, feeling his warmth, Koi heard Ashley’s heartbeat. So regular and ordinary.
“Ash…?”
Koi’s excited voice sank with anxiety. As he hesitantly lifted his head, he met Ashley’s purple eyes. It was then that he sensed something was wrong. As Bernice’s words suddenly flashed through his mind, Ashley smiled brightly and kissed his cheek.
“How did you know to come?”
To the familiar, gentle voice, Koi half-believed and opened his mouth.
“Miss Bernice contacted me. She said you were discharged. I ran here as soon as I heard.”
“…I see.”
After a slight pause, Ashley murmured. He continued to comfort Koi with a smile.
“You must have been very worried, right? I’m sorry, I’m okay now.”
Koi rested his head on his chest again and confessed with difficulty.
“Miss Bernice said… there was something wrong with your memory… Am I… okay? Is everything alright?”
“It’s nothing.”
This time, the answer came without hesitation. Ashley added dismissively,
“Bernice just exaggerated. Don’t worry about it.”
“Is there really no problem with your memory?”
Koi asked again, as if to confirm. Ashley brushed it off lightly.
“It’s not serious. More importantly, Koi, you were at Al’s house, weren’t you?”
At the sudden change of topic, Koi replied absentmindedly.
“Ah, yes… there was a bit of a situation…”
“What situation?”
Ashley smiled and rubbed his nose against Koi’s. Caught in the cute lover’s playfulness, Koi laughed and hugged his neck.
Ariel’s words, which had weighed so heavily on his heart, vanished from his mind.
It doesn’t matter.
Koi repeated the words he had told himself countless times and opened his mouth.
Right now, Ash loves me.
“Al said… you said you didn’t love me.”
Koi continued, still smiling.
“You said that to make me happy, you had to make me unhappy to the same extent. You said that to Al.”
Ashley gazed at him steadily. Koi’s fluttering heart began to sink. Ashley was still smiling, but his eyes were not. As he looked into Koi’s purple eyes, a seed of anxiety began to sprout in a corner of Koi’s heart.
“…Ash?”
He forced a smile and said,
“It’s a lie, right? …What Al said was just a joke, wasn’t it?”
Koi’s voice trembled faintly. He desperately wished Ashley would deny it. Even if it was a lie, he wished he would say it didn’t happen.
Then I would believe everything…
“And?”
Ashley asked. Instead of the answer Koi wanted, he asked another question.
“What else is there?”
Koi found it increasingly difficult to keep smiling. Feeling the corners of his mouth loosen, he answered with difficulty.
“That you… were engaged.”
He spoke painfully, as if squeezing the words from his vocal cords.
“That there was someone you were going to marry… Rich, and very beautiful.”
Ashley frowned at the latter part. Koi hesitated, then confessed.
“I ran into them by chance at that French restaurant. The person I went with knew that woman…”
Having managed to say that much, Koi squeezed out all his strength and forced a smile.
“There must have been a reason, right? You’ve always loved me, haven’t you?”
Koi asked repeatedly in a trembling voice.
“You’ve loved me all along, haven’t you?”
As he urged for an answer, the arm around Koi’s waist loosened. Koi watched as Ashley let him go and took out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket.
Puff, Ashley exhaled a long stream of smoke. The white smoke that cut through the air soon blurred. He brought the cigarette to his lips again and answered,
“It’s true.”
Koi stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. Ashley opened his mouth in a tone so devoid of emotion, so utterly ordinary.
“It’s true, all of it. Everything you said.”
For a moment, Koi’s mind went blank. He wouldn’t have been this dazed even if Ashley had hit him hard on the head. Koi, who seemed completely stunned, finally opened his mouth, but no words came out.
“Why did you do it?”
Ashley asked, as if in place of Koi. The gentle face he had seen until now was gone, replaced by a cold, stern expression looking at Koi.