By Zephyria 
He had thought that if he wanted something, he had to have it. Otherwise, it was meaningless. But forcing oneself isn’t the only proof of love.
Being moved by a small gesture, the caution of not being able to push forward carelessly for fear of incurring dislike. That too could be love. Even in this moment when they weren’t together, Song Hyun-soo was constantly changing him.
He looked out the car window. The passing scenery was still stuck in winter. Barren, dry fields and mountains. Yet, strangely, he felt a new sense of being reborn. Despite not having eaten properly for days, despite receiving the dirtiest challenge from his parents, he felt more driven than ever.
Habitually, he rubbed his left wrist watch with his right hand.
“If something is precious, say it’s precious. If you’re upset, say you’re upset. If you don’t want to lose it, say you don’t want to lose it. Say it all.”
“Shouldn’t we not lose it? Should we chase after it until the end?”
“Why should I let go of what’s mine? That’s not being respectful to myself.”
As he said, he had no intention of losing anything.
Not his acting, not his Look Planning, not the name Yoon Joo-ho, and… not anything else.
Even in this moment when they weren’t together, Song Hyun-soo was someone who gave answers. He could feel he wasn’t fighting alone. He’d lived his life but never met anyone like this. With his hand gripping his watch pressed to his left chest, Yoon Joo-ho let out a chuckle.
Without losing to anyone,
He would go to a free and high place.
■■■
The set was in the midst of preparations for filming. Yoon Joo-ho, slipping his arms into the sleeves of his padding jacket as he stepped out of the sprinter, first found the director to greet him before moving to the makeup van. The vehicle, a large bus with 29 seats that had been structurally modified, served as the makeup room for
“It’s scene 56 today, right?”
The head makeup artist asked him to confirm the scene, a formality. Yoon Joo-ho ran his hands over his face and nodded.
“Please take good care of me today as well, Director.”
And then, a different kind of makeup began, unlike the roles he had played in dramas until now. It was different from before, when the focus was on making his skin look cleaner and more beautiful with elaborate base makeup.
Yoon Joo-ho’s face in the mirror slowly began to transform into the tanned face of Baek Kang, which looked soft yet exuded an inexplicable loneliness.
“Oh, Joo-ho, that thing you did is going viral.”
The makeup artist, meticulously patting on the base makeup with a sponge, brought up the topic with a laugh.
“What thing?”
“Following Hyun-soo.”
“Ah.”
It was something he heard everywhere he went all week, so it wasn’t surprising.
“They say you got Hyun-soo’s follower count up by 100,000 in just a few days?”
“It’s 130,000 now,” the head hairstylist, who was preparing nearby, added. At the mention of 130,000, the makeup artist in the mirror’s eyes widened, and she paused for a moment.
While receiving makeup, Yoon Joo-ho, rolling his phone around in his hand, said with a bored expression.
“Is it really news that I follow someone?”
“It’s news. They say you hadn’t followed anyone for five years.”
How many times had he done something for Song Hyun-soo that he hadn’t done for anyone else? Yet, he was so preoccupied with the fact that he had to keep him by his side that he missed what was truly important. In his haste to hold on tighter, fearing he might lose him, another part, subjected to too much pressure, burst.
Yoon Joo-ho smiled bitterly and nodded.
“That’s right. I hadn’t followed anyone. Until now.”
“Did you get that close while working on
“Yes, we’re very close.”
“Hyun-soo is quite affectionate and warm-hearted.”
“Is he?”
“He always comes first to get his makeup done, which must be tiring, but if there’s time before the next actor arrives, he’ll even massage our shoulders.”
“Hyun-soo did that…”
He could easily picture Song Hyun-soo acting affectionately towards the makeup artists who were at least twelve or thirteen years his senior. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant image for Yoon Joo-ho.
“Maybe because he grew up with his grandparents, he’s not intimidated by elders.”
“Hyun-soo is naturally… good at getting close to people.”
Yoon Joo-ho’s eyelids, held by clips on both sides of his parting, twitched. He barely speaks to me unless it’s absolutely necessary. An ESFP who wags his tail and rolls over for anyone. Jealousy twisted his insides. The hand holding his phone tightened its grip.
“It seems so. Do you know Hyun-soo prefers mix coffee over americano? I was so surprised.”
“Of course, I know. That he likes mix coffee.”
Yoon Joo-ho added, tapping the bottom of his phone with the palm of his other hand.
“He likes strawberries too. Geumseil strawberries.”
Song Hyun-soo, he likes kissing too. Not the gentle, melting kind, but the kind where he pushes in, explores every inch, and sucks as if to pull it all out. He goes all soft, and then, from the back of my neck, a truly cute moan… thump, thump.
Suddenly, the phone in Yoon Joo-ho’s hand, which had been compulsively tapping his palm like a madman, vibrated. Flipping his wrist to check the caller ID, a curse escaped Yoon Joo-ho’s lips.
“Crazy…”
He wouldn’t have been this surprised even if a dead person called. The caller was ‘Song Hyunsou voice imitation’. Yoon Joo-ho immediately sprang up from his chair.
“Director, just a moment. I’m sorry. It’s a really important call.”
“Oh… sure. Take it comfortably.”
Afraid it might hang up. Without even grabbing his outer coat, he rushed out of the bus. He fidgeted, looking around, as if the phone in his hand were a hot piece of iron. ‘Song Hyunsou voice imitation’ kept ringing. He didn’t seem ready, but he couldn’t make it wait any longer.
“Uh… uh, it’s me.”
Like an awkward boy flustered by a sudden call from the crush he’s been pining for. Yoon Joo-ho connected the call with a tense expression and an awkward voice. While holding the clips that had been in his hair.
[Sunbae.]
“Huh?”
[Sunbae, what is this? I… I just received something strange… What’s going on with this…]
He felt like all the blood in his body was being bleached white. He knew what the ‘strange thing’ Song Hyun-soo had received was.
His anxious pacing stopped. With a voice that was strangely calm even to himself, he asked Song Hyun-soo.
“Is what you received, perhaps, our photo?”
[What do I do? If something happens to you because of this…]
“Hyun-soo-ya.”
[Who could have sent it? A media outlet? Or YouTube? Is it about money? Are they asking for money, Sunbae?]
He was usually bold, so he wouldn’t panic this much. This was the same guy who went to Cha Gyu-min to get his watch back. The fact that he was rambling incoherently was probably due to the influence of that friend who lost his life. He was sensitive to the gossip of unrelated people, like Kang Mi-yeon’s scandal or Nam Se-yeon’s divorce.
And the other reason was probably me. Even though he was involved, he was worried I might get hurt.
“Hyun-soo-ya, nothing will happen. They can’t do anything with just that photo. It’s okay.”
[……]
“Song Hyun-soo, are you listening to me? Huh?”
Only unstable breathing could be heard from the other end of the line for a moment. Then, Song Hyun-soo asked in a trembling voice, on the verge of tears.
[What if this isn’t all? What if there’s something worse…]
“If there were, the people who sent this would have shown it first.”
[Do you know who sent it… Sunbae?]
Yoon Joo-ho shoved the clips into his pocket and rubbed his lips several times. My parents. He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He knew the kid would be shocked.
Behind the rustling, busy background noise, Song Hyun-soo cried out in a frightened voice.
[I’m getting a call from an unknown number.]
Yoon Joo-ho ran his hands through his hair.
“Where are you now?”
[I’m at Seohae Hyung’s place. This just arrived by express delivery…]
“First, do not leave there under any circumstances. Ignore the calls. If anyone comes looking, pretend you’re not home and call security first.”
[I shouldn’t have gone into Sunbae’s house. I should have refused no matter what Sunbae coaxed me to do…]
“That’s not it, Hyun-soo-ya. You did nothing wrong. Don’t worry about anything, and just wait a moment, okay?”
[……]
“I’ll be right there.”
[You’re coming right away? Sunbae, you have filming today…]
“It doesn’t matter.”
The moment he answered, his legs were already running.