By Zephyria “It’s me. Can you talk?”
[…]
A short silence followed on the other end of the line. What followed was an tone of disbelief, as if questioning his own hearing.
[Yoon Joo…ho?]
“Is that bastard next to you?”
Instead of answering the question confirming the caller’s identity, Yoon Joo-ho continued his own story.
“If he’s next to you, tell him not to have a seizure. I’m calling about Hyun-soo.”
[If you mean Han, he went to work out… But Hyun-soo? What happened to Hyun-soo?]
Jung Ji-in asked urgently in a worried voice.
“It’s nothing like what you’re worried about. He’s asleep in my bed right now.”
[What?]
Leaving Jung Ji-in unable to process the shocking information, Yoon Joo-ho rushed ahead.
“You and I were friends, but that’s not all, right? You never told Song Hyun-soo, did you?”
[What are you talking about out of the blue? Let’s get some context first.]
“Did you tell him, or not?”
[No! Why would I tell him something like that!]
Yoon Joo-ho, having heard the answer he wanted, closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. His long eyelashes trembled as if touched by a light breath. Lifting his eyelids, Yoon Joo-ho tightly gripped the on the rocks glass in front of him.
“Don’t do it from now on, either. Don’t do it, no matter what. I called to talk about that.”
[You’re still pushing straight to the point. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why would you worry about that?]
As soon as Yoon Joo-ho heard Jung Ji-in’s sigh of confusion, memories and emotions stirred within him. A sigh of resignation, as if tired of his own willfulness, as if he had given up. It was a reaction he had seen in the man on the other end of the phone for a long time.
Jung Ji-in had been one of Yoon Joo-ho’s sex partners for several years.
There were many times they only met once every few months, depending on his schedule or when Yoon Joo-ho was in a short-term relationship. The relationship, which could have easily ended, continued because Jung Ji-in was someone who never complained. He never had any complaints, even when Yoon Joo-ho suddenly contacted him after months apart to ask him out, or when he announced he had a new partner. Unlike other sex partners.
When Jung Ji-in tried to end the relationship, Yoon Joo-ho was clearly flustered. He had thought of him as someone who would always be there, like a mountain or a rock.
During their long time together, he had never consciously thought of it as love. It was only after being told it was over that he belatedly realized he needed him. Even though he knew it was too late, he tried desperately to hold on.
Yoon Joo-ho desperately needed something that would never change. His surroundings were filled with things that inevitably decayed. He vaguely hoped Jung Ji-in might be such a value. Even while keeping him merely as a sex partner.
He had never tried to hold onto someone who wanted to leave. Except for Jung Ji-in.
He had never gone through a difficult time filled with a sense of loss after a breakup. Except in the case of Jung Ji-in.
There were times he despaired, thinking it would last forever, as he experienced the post-breakup blues for the first time in his thirties, something people supposedly experience during puberty.
However, time had dulled everything.
Even while hearing Jung Ji-in’s voice, he no longer felt that bitter taste, as if squeezed from a fruit. It was as if he had been fixed now. Like strong legs that had healed perfectly after a fracture, running, jumping, and climbing mountains as if they had never been injured.
It was clear who the master physician was who had fixed him so flawlessly. Yoon Joo-ho thought of Song Hyun-soo, who was asleep in his bed downstairs. He calmly declared, savoring the whiskey in his glass.
“We’re dating.”
[……What?]
“I said we’re dating.”
[Who is dating whom?]
Jung Ji-in was once again doubting his own ears. In the years he had known Yoon Joo-ho, he had never seen him so flustered. Yoon Joo-ho even felt a wicked sense of pleasure.
“Song Hyun-soo and I are dating. Song Hyun-soo is my boyfriend.”
[Are you playing some weird game right now?]
Chuckling repeatedly from beneath his lowered head, Yoon Joo-ho spun the high stool left and right. It was a drastic change that anyone who knew Yoon Joo-ho would react to.
“He doesn’t know anything about the past. He only thinks that you and I were close friends, and now our relationship has soured and we’ve grown distant. And it’s best if he continues to think that way.”
[If you’re dating, Hyun-soo hasn’t said a word to me about it…]
“Because he knows you and I have a strained relationship now. It wouldn’t have been easy for him to speak up. And I told him not to say anything after we started dating.”
[Why?]
“Because I was afraid he’d find out about what happened between you and me.”
Jung Ji-in remained silent, but his breathing rate and tremors conveyed his complex emotions sufficiently.
Yoon Joo-ho spoke as he picked up the cigarette pack from the bar and took out a cigarette.
“The fact that my boyfriend and my best friend were intimate… it’s not a pleasant thing for anyone, is it?”
[No, no, wait a minute. I can’t even follow how Hyun-soo ended up dating you. Hyun-soo is someone who’s been through a lot. He’s trying hard to overcome it. Filling his head with such strange notions…]
“Who said it’s strange notions?”
Yoon Joo-ho paused his hand, which was about to light the cigarette with a lighter, and continued menacingly.
“I clearly said we’re dating.”
Then he pulled the lighter’s wheel and drew on the filter, igniting it red.
“You must have forgotten what I said at first because of the shock?”
[……]
“Song Hyun-soo is sleeping in my bed right now. My bedroom, my bed.”
Yoon Joo-ho said this with slightly muffled pronunciation, his filter still in his mouth, and then moved the cigarette to his fingers.
Yoon Joo-ho was the type who never let even his romantic partners into his bedroom, his Master Zone with its door lock, let alone his sex partners. Jung Ji-in knew this well. He himself had never entered the Master Zone.
On the other end of the phone, Jung Ji-in seemed to be struggling to process the overwhelming amount of information.
[So. You called to tell me not to tell Hyun-soo about the past, to keep me quiet?]
“What good would it do him to know? And you were the one who said it was meaningless. Is there any need to know something meaningless? You want Song Hyun-soo to be happy too, don’t you?”
[Is this a threat?]
“Or do you have a better method?”
[If you’re serious about dating, you should be honest…]
Yoon Joo-ho flicked the ash into the ashtray and quickly spat out his words, bringing the filter to his lips.
“I will be. After I have about four kids.”
[What are you talking about now?]
“Don’t you know the story of the Woodcutter and the Fairy?”
[I’ve heard of it… but why is it coming up here?]
“It said not to return the fairy’s wings until she had four children. But that foolish woodcutter broke the taboo. I’m saying I won’t end up like that.”
Yoon Joo-ho exhaled a thin stream of smoke, rested the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray, and refilled his glass with whiskey.
[I don’t know what to do.]
“I told you what to do. What is it you don’t know?”
[Until now, it didn’t matter if I didn’t say anything, but if Hyun-soo knows you’re dating and I don’t say anything, it’s deceit.]
“Even if I say it, I’ll be the one to do it.”
[……]
“If it gets ruined, I’ll be the one to ruin it, and if there are questions, I’ll be the one to answer them. How to overcome the past with you, that has already become an issue between Song Hyun-soo and me.”
After a moment of consideration, Jung Ji-in let out a deep sigh. It was a sigh of reluctant agreement, acknowledging that Yoon Joo-ho’s plan was the best.
[Seeing you call me to ask for this… Yoon Joo-ho, you must be desperate.]
“I just don’t want things to go wrong for reasons unrelated to the two of us.”
As he swallowed the whiskey, a short laugh was heard from the other end of the phone.
[You can think like that too? Has Hyun-soo fixed you to some extent?]
“Whether he’s fixed me or made me worse, I don’t know. But he’s definitely changed me.”
[Indeed, Hyun-soo… come to think of it, he was always your fan.]
“Since when?”
Yoon Joo-ho’s undisguised curiosity seemed to amuse Jung Ji-in. His voice, teasing, was tinged with laughter.
[If you’re curious, ask Hyun-soo directly.]
“I know he was my fan. Who doesn’t know that?”
He was a fan enough to use my videos for masturbation.
[I thought it was funny when others talked about this, but I guess I’m no different.]
“What?”
[This is a request from Hyun-soo’s older brother. Treat Hyun-soo well.]
“……”
[What you promised me, give it to Hyun-soo without holding back.]
“What did I say?”
With a time lag, a rather cheerful laugh was heard this time. Ironically, it was a laugh he had never heard from Jung Ji-in before, whether as a friend or a sex partner.
[Yoon Joo-ho.]
“……”
[That’s what forgetting is.]
It was so painful, yet he was becoming normal.
Every word, every glance, was too vivid, yet eventually, it faded.
He had thought that unchanging comfort was love, but now he wanted to keep someone by his side who would stir him up, make him cry, run away, chase, and change him. The definition of love had changed.
After ending the call, Yoon Joo-ho stubbed out the half-smoked cigarette he had left resting and went downstairs. In the same darkness as before, this time Song Hyun-soo stirred upon hearing the footsteps and turned over.
“I’m back.”
Song Hyun-soo reached out his arm towards Yoon Joo-ho’s silhouette approaching the bed.
“Are you feeling a bit better now?”
His voice, hoarse from the intense sex and thick with sleep, soothed Yoon Joo-ho. Slipping into Song Hyun-soo’s arms, Yoon Joo-ho collapsed onto his body, letting go of all his strength. He rubbed his nose against Song Hyun-soo’s neck, who grumbled about him being heavy.
“It’s not because of how I feel.”
“Then what is it because of?”
The voice reaching his ear was incredibly comforting. Like a sedative injected directly into his veins.
Since he had promised, Jung Ji-in would never speak first. Perhaps due to relief, sleepiness suddenly washed over him. Closing his eyes, he burrowed deeper into Song Hyun-soo’s embrace.
“Well… it’s because of you.”
He felt like he would dream of the Woodcutter and the Fairy. A dream featuring a strong fairy with dark, stiff eyelashes.
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