By Zephyria Before the ice in the On the rocks Seohae made could dilute, Yoon Joo-ho snatched the glass and emptied half of it in one go. He sucked roughly on the cigarette filter, his cheeks caving in, and muttered as he exhaled,
“I can’t let the person I sleep with live a miserable life.”
“What… did you say?”
“Should I say it again?”
“You’re world-class at driving people crazy sometimes.”
“You said you had to move out of the house you’re currently in, to somewhere worse. Why are you being so stubborn?”
Song Hyun-soo stomped his foot in frustration, still seated.
“Look. Don’t you even know why I’m angry right now?”
“Because I didn’t consult you beforehand? Because I’m a thoughtless, selfish bastard who can’t consider others’ feelings?”
“…”
Looking into Yoon Joo-ho’s eyes, which seemed to spark with blue flames, Song Hyun-soo realized.
The words he listed were criticisms he had repeatedly heard from people he had met.
But before he could understand and soothe his pain, his own wounds, from loving him, were also bleeding. I can’t let the person I sleep with live a miserable life. Like… like a mistress…
His vision blurred with tears. He clenched his fists tightly on the bar table and glared at Yoon Joo-ho.
“Can you really only speak like that?”
“I don’t understand either. You don’t even realize that offering to pay your rent isn’t because I look down on you?”
“I know. I know, but… just because the intention isn’t that, doesn’t mean it’s okay to do whatever you want and say whatever you want!”
“Stop, both of you, stop.”
Seohae, who had been trying to pretend he couldn’t hear or see, finally intervened. He slammed the heavy bottle on the counter three or four times and pointed resolutely towards the door.
“Yoon Joo-ho. Go outside and have a cigarette.”
“It’s not like this place is non-smoking, why should I?”
“Cool your head.”
“…”
“Don’t do something you’ll truly regret later.”
With that, Seohae pulled out a baseball cap from under the counter and tossed it over.
Yoon Joo-ho, frowning with narrowed brows, irritably stubbed out his cigarette. He then snatched the cap and pack of cigarettes and stood up. Song Hyun-soo, staring at his retreating back, shook his head vigorously as soon as he opened the entrance door and left.
“Do you understand why Sunbae is acting like that, hyung?”
“Hmm… I think I can understand.”
“What?”
“If you think someone you care about is going through a hard time, you can’t sleep.”
Song Hyun-soo, who had been certain Seohae would take his side, quickly deflated. Seeing his expression, Seohae sighed and corrected what he had just said.
“Given the situation, I’ll stop pretending I don’t know, Hyun-soo.”
“…”
“If you think someone you like is living uncomfortably, you can’t sleep. And he already doesn’t sleep well.”
Song Hyun-soo mumbled sullenly, avoiding eye contact with his head bowed.
“He’s not someone I like.”
At least, he hadn’t admitted to liking him yet.
“I thought you knew Yoon Joo-ho’s feelings, even if you didn’t say it.”
“Sometimes I think I know, but… I don’t.”
At times, Yoon Joo-ho’s feelings seemed clear, as if visible and tangible. But the feeling of misalignment never disappeared. Whether it was due to their different upbringings, their differences in wealth or popularity, there were clearly aspects where they didn’t fit together.
“Sometimes I’m so crazy about him… but then, sometimes it’s like he’s speaking a different language than me.”
Song Hyun-soo, who had intended to say ‘so crazy about him,’ glanced at Seohae and changed his words.
Seohae looked down at Song Hyun-soo for a moment and placed an On the rocks in front of him.
“Here, Hyun-soo, you drink this too. Smoke if you want to. Want mine?”
“No, I brought my own.”
He rummaged through the pocket of his padding, which he had placed on the adjacent stool, and took out cigarettes.
Padding worth millions of won, bags, hats, gloves, scarves… This much should be okay. It’s Yoon Joo-ho’s feelings. The items he had accepted like this were gradually increasing. Up to that point, they were gifts, but what about after?
Song Hyun-soo also knew the approximate market prices of the officetels they had looked at today. Depending on the deposit ratio, they were places where one had to lose millions of won every month, even after putting down one to three hundred million won.
If it were Song Hyun-soo just a few years ago, he might have enthusiastically accepted his offer. Because he believed that outward success was everything, regardless of the means. As long as it looked plausible to others, that was success, regardless of the truth.
But not anymore.
Instead of frequenting drinking parties to build connections to land roles, he focused on honing his acting skills. People leave and change, but the skills I’ve polished will never leave me. He knew that was far more reassuring.
The role of Lee San in ‘Dissolve’ was a result he had secured with his own hands. He now knew that the fruits he had personally cultivated and harvested were sweeter than those received for free.
He suspected love was the same.
That’s why he hated it. Because he loved him.
Living in a luxurious mansion where Yoon Joo-ho paid the rent, wearing clothes from a closet filled by Yoon Joo-ho, and sleeping with Yoon Joo-ho when he wanted sex? What would happen next? Yoon Joo-ho would buy him a car, take him on trips? That’s not quite love, is it?
“He really is like a prince sometimes.”
“…What?”
Song Hyun-soo, lost in thought while drinking whiskey, looked up at Seohae’s voice.
“It’s not about his looks or his demeanor. It’s that he sometimes completely fails to understand the common sense that applies to ordinary people. Yoon Joo-ho.”
“Ah…”
“Usually, I just think he’s a funny guy, but sometimes he says really strange things.”
“Right? You think so too, hyung??”
“Everyone around Yoon Joo-ho probably thinks so.”
Seohae continued, making another On the rocks for himself.
“He’s never experienced a normal life where everyone he meets knows him, is fascinated by him, and desires him. His environment was too special.”
A star since he was three years old.
Hearing Seohae’s words, Yoon Joo-ho’s life seemed no different from that of a ‘Crown Prince,’ a true prince.
Parents he had never met, frail grandparents much older than other children’s parents, a birthday meal that consisted of only one fried chicken. It was an environment that Song Hyun-soo, who had lived a life that was unusual in a completely different way, could hardly imagine.
“Even though he talks like that, I know he’s trying to be considerate in his own way.”
Tapping the filter of the cigarette in his hand with his thumb, Song Hyun-soo rubbed his face as if trying to mash it.
“Still, knowing it and accepting it are different.”
“Yes, yes. No one will blame you, Hyun-soo. Even Yoon Joo-ho probably knows he’s wrong.”
“I don’t know if it was like that with everyone he met before, but I… I hate that kind of sponsor-like relationship.”
“Hmm… I think there’s a misunderstanding there.”
Song Hyun-soo, taking a deep drag from the filter, looked up at Seohae.
“Whether the other person lives in a luxury villa or a rooftop apartment, this is the first time, as far as I know, that Yoon Joo-ho has cared that much.”
“…”
Song Hyun-soo was speechless for a moment. He had never imagined Yoon Joo-ho would do something for him that he hadn’t done for anyone else. He had just thought… this was how Yoon Joo-ho dated. Even if they hadn’t called it dating.
He unconsciously looked towards the entrance, in the direction Yoon Joo-ho had disappeared. He didn’t even notice the cigarette burning in his hand.
“Go out.”
Seohae said, as if reading Song Hyun-soo’s mind. Song Hyun-soo, having stubbed out his cigarette, nervously rubbed his palms on his pants and hesitantly got up.
Slipping his arms into his padding, he climbed the narrow stairs and pushed open the glass door. He was no longer visible. Turning the corner to the space next to the building, where two or three cars could be parked, he found Yoon Joo-ho standing there, avoiding people’s eyes.
“Why are you chain-smoking?” he asked gruffly, approaching him as he was about to light a new cigarette.
“…”
Yoon Joo-ho, wearing his cap pulled low, tilted his chin and glanced up at him from under the brim. Then, using his left hand as a windbreak, he lit his cigarette.
“Why did you come out?”
“Seohae hyung kicked me out too.”
Shrugging, he walked over and stood beside him.