“Hey, Hyung.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, but… I’m a little in pain.”
“Huh?”
“The, um, clothes, they’re pulling too tight.”
That’s why it hurts.
The last sentence was almost a whisper, but since they weren’t too far apart, Seo Baek-han likely understood it well enough.
It was close enough that he could tell Joo Tae-hyun hadn’t adjusted the concentration of the Suppressant, which he must have spent the day without meeting anyone.
“…Really?”
However, Seo Baek-han seemed genuinely surprised by Joo Tae-hyun’s not-so-subtle hint.
“…Was it? I’m sorry.”
Joo Tae-hyun was taken aback by Seo Baek-han’s unexpected reaction. Did I perhaps make him angry? No, he just said it hurt because Hyung was gripping his clothes too tightly. Did I raise my voice to an unbearable level? No, it was more of a mumble. He couldn’t understand why Seo Baek-han was so flustered. This was the first time he had seen him like this. Did I say something wrong?
“…Um, I’m just…”
Seo Baek-han released his grip on Joo Tae-hyun’s clothes, rubbed his palms together, and brushed them off. Then he hooked his index finger through his tie and loosened the knot. Following that gesture, a faint scent of peach wafted through the air. It felt like the sensation of crushing a handful of fruit until it was mushy.
Joo Tae-hyun found himself tilting his head slightly. He felt like he could understand, and if he were given just a little hint, he could cross that precarious line… but he had no idea.
If he could just take one more step, he might get a little closer to Seo Baek-han, but how could he carefully tap him on the shoulder?
“I think I was a bit distracted and couldn’t control my strength. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, Hyung.”
“Tae-hyun, I need to take a break. Let’s meet later.”
“Hyung, wait a minute… Ah!”
In a moment of panic, he unconsciously grabbed Seo Baek-han’s sleeve, but he reflexively tightened his grip on Joo Tae-hyun’s wrist. It was a grip so strong that he couldn’t even gasp.
It seemed like Seo Baek-han’s reaction was also instinctive, judging by the way his eyes widened slightly.
“I-I’m sorry.”
Even though it was Seo Baek-han who had hurt him, the words of apology slipped out involuntarily. Seo Baek-han closed his eyes for a moment as if swallowing something before opening them again.
“Sorry, I was a bit tired and made a mistake. Let’s meet again later.”
Then Seo Baek-han let out a short sigh through his nose and turned away.
Joo Tae-hyun could only move his lips. There was no way he had any options. As always, he could only watch Seo Baek-han’s back as he turned away.
Whenever he said let’s meet later, they had never actually met again. He didn’t know about others, but at least Joo Tae-hyun had never been given that opportunity.
Seo Baek-han had shown a disheveled side of himself for the first time in front of him. Even though they only exchanged formal greetings and kept their distance, he couldn’t control his emotions in front of Joo Tae-hyun.
Normally, seeing someone he liked in such a state would make him feel scared or worried, but after blindly following Seo Baek-han for so long, Joo Tae-hyun felt nothing but joy.
It felt exhilarating, as if Seo Baek-han had opened up to him in some way. Knowing how much he scrutinized and strictly controlled himself made it even more thrilling.
“Hey, Hyung.”
Joo Tae-hyun quickly followed the scent left by Seo Baek-han. The sound of his footsteps, which had been heavy, soon turned into a light jog. It hadn’t been long since Seo Baek-han had turned around, but the distance between them had widened more than he expected.
“…Baek-han, Hyung.”
As he called out to Seo Baek-han, panting, he turned back with a look of confusion. His calm expression was just as usual, and the knot of his tie was neatly tied as always. The pheromones that had been wildly swirling earlier were now flowing out much more steadily.
He had returned to being the perfect Seo Baek-han he always was.
“Um, it’s just that…”
Joo Tae-hyun placed his hands on his knees and took a moment to catch his breath.
He had to say it.
Seo Baek-han would soon return to the U.S. After that, there wouldn’t be any major events planned for Haechi for a while. So, the only time he could look Seo Baek-han in the face and say that he had decided to become his junior, that he wanted to walk the same path as him, was now.
“Hyung, I…”
So, congratulations, work hard, if you’re curious about good restaurants in Pyongyang, contact me.
The expected words were obvious, but this was the last chance to hear even that cliché encouragement.
But.
“I like you, I liked you.”
What is this…?
The words that slipped out of Joo Tae-hyun’s lips were completely different from what he had practiced dozens of times.
“I, I liked you, Hyung.”
The sentence he had swallowed thousands, tens of thousands of times, the words he had vowed never to say out loud, suddenly burst forth.
“I…”
The overwhelming feeling that had lifted him up began to fade. As his breath, which had been panting in his ears, settled down, he could faintly hear the carols playing in the lounge.
Only then did Joo Tae-hyun come to his senses, unable to believe what he had just done.
Wait, did I just… tell Seo Baek-han that I like him?
“So, um…”
Seo Baek-han showed no reaction. He seemed to be waiting for a sincere explanation, standing there quietly and looking at him. No, was he waiting for an excuse? His indifferent expression seemed no different from how he treated those who had confessed to him, only to spew out emotional garbage.
Of all places, he had chosen to confess in front of a bulletin board, one of the famous spots for confessions.
“Um…”
Joo Tae-hyun squeezed his eyes shut.
How could he be so thoughtless? Knowing what kind of humiliating confession he had just heard. Knowing that it had exhausted and annoyed him. Knowing that he had shown a side of himself he usually kept under control…
The fact that Seo Baek-han had only shown such a side in front of him made him feel uncontrollably excited, overwhelmed, and thrilled… and so he had recklessly thrown his feelings out there.
It was presumptuous. What was the difference between him and the person who had just said he would be his partner?
“Just… that’s how it is.”
Even amidst the confusion, Joo Tae-hyun tried to freeze his expression. As naturally as possible, like someone who had no lingering feelings. It seemed that the best he could do was to make it look like it was just something that had happened, but it wasn’t the case now.
It was pathetic. He had lost his composure and had ruined the timing when he could have gotten a little closer to him.
Above all, the fact that he was the one who had trampled on Seo Baek-han’s feelings, which he cherished so much… It made him feel so sorry that he couldn’t bear it.
“Ah, I see.”
After what felt like an eternity of terrible silence, Seo Baek-han spoke calmly.
It was the same reaction he had given to those who had confessed to him.
A polite rejection that was appropriate and bland, with not a hint of sincerity.
And only then did Joo Tae-hyun completely crumble.
Ah, I had the audacity to hope. Even though I had known all along that I was not even a contender, I secretly thought that when this moment came, I might receive a little acknowledgment in return… I had been harboring such foolish thoughts.
“Tae-hyun, how old were you?”
“…”
“Seventeen, huh…”
“…”
“Seventeen…”
Joo Tae-hyun felt as if his heart had shattered into pieces, but he couldn’t even think of picking them up. He could only stand there, barely holding himself together.
He wished he could at least get angry and ask if he didn’t know he liked girls. But this was his fault…
Knowing that Seo Baek-han had gone through similar situations at every year-end party, he understood that such events would be tiresome for him. Yet, he had been so caught up in his own feelings that he hadn’t considered the person he liked.
…Was it reasonable to say he would go to Pyongyang University for the sake of Hyung, to try to do something for him?
He had indeed been waiting for a chance to approach him like this.
Joo Tae-hyun mocked his own feelings. He felt he couldn’t endure it otherwise.
“Do I have to answer you right now?”
“Huh? No, that’s not… absolutely not.”
After denying it in surprise, he realized that the rejection he had just received was exactly the same as the one he had given to others. Should he be grateful that he had received the same answer as the countless confessions he had experienced?
“I’m leaving soon, um, I’m going to study abroad. I won’t be coming back to Korea for a while, so I just wanted to say something before that.”
No, that’s not it.
He had thought about it right before coming here, but he wanted to become your junior, so he decided to go to Pyongyang University. He had made that decision after seeing those foolish people who had been talking about Trait/Phenotype without knowing anything.
Without being able to say what he truly wanted, Joo Tae-hyun rambled on with excuses that Seo Baek-han hadn’t even asked for.
Seo Baek-han, who had been quietly listening, glanced at the watch on his wrist. As if to say he had given him enough time.
Ah, this is really the end.
Joo Tae-hyun realized that the moment he could no longer postpone had come.
Just like the countless people who had thrown their hearts at Seo Baek-han like dust, it was time for him to let go of this meager affection.
“Is the place you’re going to study abroad London? Study hard. Contact me when you come back to Korea. I’ll treat you to something delicious.”