By Zephyria 
“Seong Hae-min, what about you?”
“If Lee Beom welcomes us… I’d like that. It’s the most ideal, isn’t it? To be like we used to be, to keep in touch.”
“Then, finally. What if Lee Beom regrets remembering us?”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“We have to make sure he doesn’t regret it.”
At Min Si-hu’s final question, Seong Hae-min and I answered almost simultaneously. My clear voice overlapped with his hesitant one. We looked at each other. Seong Hae-min’s dilated pupils were filled with surprise.
Suddenly, I felt this situation was very familiar.
I was the one who said I was scared and wanted to stop, running away. The one who declared he would make sure there were no regrets was Do Yun-hyeok.
‘Ah. I just said something like Do Yun-hyeok…’
Without realizing it, it had permeated deep into my life. My heart pounded with an emotion unfitting for the situation.
“Make sure he doesn’t regret it…”
Seong Hae-min’s lips moved.
‘Was this how Do Yun-hyeok felt when he looked at me?’
As I met his gaze, which seemed to have heard something unexpected, I wanted to reach out to Seong Hae-min this time. Just as I had learned from Do Yun-hyeok. And just as it had been a great comfort to me.
I suddenly missed Do Yun-hyeok terribly. Right now.
What would change if we didn’t see each other for a few weeks? We’d still call and text. What did it matter if I didn’t see his face for a bit? I thought it would be nothing. That’s why when Do Yun-hyeok kept asking if I was okay and apologizing right before he left for his trip, I wondered if it was really that big of a deal.
I had been overconfident.
No, I hadn’t properly grasped it.
The profound influence Do Yun-hyeok had on me, my feelings for Do Yun-hyeok.
Min Si-hu, who had been watching us intently, smiled slightly with his eyes. He looked pleased. Min Si-hu gently persuaded Seong Hae-min.
“But I barely know anything about liberal arts admissions, so we really need your technical expertise.”
“……”
“Isn’t it okay to meet him once?”
“……”
“We have to see him once.”
Seong Hae-min, who seemed to hesitate for a long time while looking at me, finally nodded slowly. Min Si-hu seized the moment and sealed the deal.
“Then, we’re going together!”
In the end, we decided to accompany them to meet Lee Beom.
❖ ❖ ❖
“Hello.”
[What did you do today?]
A low, soft voice flowed through the phone speaker. Just a phone call, but the fatigue from meeting Min Si-hu and Seong Hae-min earlier that day seemed to melt away instantly.
“Thinking of you.”
Normally, I would have recounted my day chronologically, like waking up at a certain time and eating… but today, a mischievous streak came over me, and I answered teasingly.
But it wasn’t an exaggeration or flattery. I had truly felt anew today how Do Yun-hyeok permeated every corner of my life and thoughts.
[Me too.]
“You too? Thinking of yourself?”
[No. I was thinking of Seong Hae-jun.]
“Ahem.”
I tried to brush it off with a sly tone, but Do Yun-hyeok pointed it out directly without a hint of shame. I coughed loudly and pretended not to hear.
I wanted to see him embarrassed, but I was the one feeling shy. I couldn’t win against him.
It had already been over two weeks since we last met because of Do Yun-hyeok’s family trip. Although I received photos he sent every day, seeing him in pictures was different from meeting him in person.
He had said it was a big trip, planned long ago for when he became an adult, but the time apart felt agonizingly long. I even felt annoyed at Do Yun-hyeok, smiling brightly through the phone screen, and playfully hit him. My finger just hurt against the hard screen.
Adjusting the phone to my ear, I sat at my desk and took out the desk calendar. I roughly estimated the time until the marked date. It was still more than a week before Do Yun-hyeok would return.
While looking at the schedule on the calendar, I told Do Yun-hyeok about the conversation we had earlier that day and the news that I would be meeting Lee Beom soon with Min Si-hu and Seong Hae-min.
“…So that’s how I ended up meeting Lee Beom.”
[I see.]
“Yeah.”
I fiddled with the worn corner of the calendar. Hesitating whether to say it or not, I opened my mouth.
“I learned a lot from you.”
[……]
“Thank you.”
My tongue felt stiff from the embarrassing words, but thankfully, I managed to finish speaking.
After parting ways with Seong Hae-min and Min Si-hu, I thought about it the whole time. What would my life be like without Do Yun-hyeok?
Although I wasn’t fond of Min Si-hu’s “What if” games, after realizing anew how profoundly Do Yun-hyeok had influenced my life, I began to reflect seriously.
What if he hadn’t recognized me?
What if there was no one to tell me that my feelings for you weren’t crazy?
What if Do Yun-hyeok, who acknowledged my true feelings regardless of whether the novel world was real or not, wasn’t there…
I didn’t need to imagine for long. My future was dark. The “What if” scenarios couldn’t continue. The fact that Do Yun-hyeok remembered me, sought me out, and gave me comfort was a clearly established fact.
I was incredibly fortunate and grateful for that. I clenched my fist against my pounding heart.
[…I miss you.]
Do Yun-hyeok whispered.
‘Me too.’
I wanted to answer like that, but the two-syllable word got stuck in my throat and wouldn’t come out. Do Yun-hyeok continued to whisper slowly.
I miss you, I really miss you… After dozens of whispers, close to confessions, I finally managed to respond.
“I… cough, I miss you too.”
[Haha.]
Do Yun-hyeok didn’t miss even the single word I mumbled like I was talking to myself. I heard him laugh softly through the phone. My heart fluttered.
At this rate, I might explode from embarrassment. To cool myself down, I coughed and asked a random question to change the subject.
“Hmm. Anyway, Do Yun-hyeok.”
[Yes, Hae-jun.]
“Have you… ever thought it would be better if you didn’t remember what happened in the novel?”
[Never.]
The answer came back instantly, as if the question was absurd.
[Never.]
“……”
[Not for a single moment.]
The answer was repeated and further emphasized. Hearing his low, firm conviction made my fingertips tingle. I rubbed my thumb and index finger together like a hamster grinding its teeth. The back of my neck felt hot.
Sensing that Do Yun-hyeok was loading up another embarrassing line, I blurted out, trying to give him no room to speak,
“Um, well, there were bad memories too, right? Like…”
[Even so, it doesn’t compare to you.]
It was a definitive statement, like cutting through with a knife. With such a firm response, I had nothing more to say. Because he answered so immediately, it felt like the situation had become one where I brought it up wanting to hear the childish phrase that I was his favorite.
That wasn’t my intention at all. I felt awkward. Do Yun-hyeok seemed to feel the same, as I heard him stifle a laugh through the phone. I coughed and quickly clarified,
“Ahem, I asked because of what Seong Hae-min said. I had no other intentions.”
[Yes. I’m sure.]
“……”
I felt a surge of emotion at his teasing tone, as if he knew everything but was letting it slide, but I realized I had spoken in a way that could be misunderstood, so I shut my mouth. Explaining further here would only make me seem more suspicious.
“Hmm. It’s hot. I’m going to move seats.”
After clearing my throat and shifting my posture, I suddenly felt the room was stuffy and hot, so I got up.
I opened the window wide and went out into the living room. To avoid waking my parents, who were sleeping in their room, I quietly opened the balcony door and stepped outside.
The sky was dark. Only faint lights, perhaps from satellites or stars, twinkled, otherwise, it was quiet and still. The bright streetlights on the ground faintly illuminated the sky.
I looked up at the night sky. Above the stars adorning the dark sky, their faces appeared. Seong Hae-min, Min Si-hu, Lee Beom, Jeon Jae-hyung…
I rambled to the person on the phone in a calm, settled voice.
“But surely, Lee Beom and the others might not want to remember the novel.”
That was the blind spot. Until they remembered the novel, they wouldn’t know if they wanted to remember it or not.
Do Yun-hyeok, who had been listening quietly to my rambling, spoke.
[So what.]
“Huh?”
[It’s like you said now.]
His kind and firm voice crossed the speaker.
[Either way, we have to make the best of it. Whether Lee Beom remembers or not, whether he likes that memory or not…]
“……”
Every piece of advice that passed by was imbued with the essence of Do Yun-hyeok.
Is that why you didn’t allow even a moment’s delay and searched for me? If I asked that, Do Yun-hyeok would answer yes again.
I readjusted the hot phone. The phone charm, clumsily attached to the corner of the phone case, jingled like a landscape.
The voice from the past, saying he would make me like him even at the cost of his life, clearly came to mind.
“Yes, that’s right…”
I mumbled.
A slightly humid but cool breeze brushed past my hot earlobes. Even though it was summer, it wasn’t a heatwave yet, so the nights were cool. It was perfect weather to stand in the breeze.
“There are still many people I haven’t met, so I can’t keep doing this every time.”