By Zephyria 
What could Ivan want to discuss with me alone?
Shayden and Damian, while maintaining proper etiquette, wished to grow closer to Rubel. Jenny, without reservation, chatted with Rubel about various things, even offering her opinion on his political views. Marianne fussed over Rubel as if he were a familiar neighborhood older brother, and Benjamin, without particular caution, allowed Rubel into his circle.
Therefore, among those close to me, Ivan was the one who kept Rubel at the greatest distance.
Even though we had spent much time with Rubel since our Academy days, Ivan Holmes had never made an effort to speak to or socialize with Rubel.
At the time, I hadn’t consciously thought about it, but now, I wonder if he was being cautious with the possibility of forging a connection with the Eldos Family in mind. The Eldos Family had historically maintained their lineage by marrying individuals with the Single Ascent Title, and perhaps he didn’t want to get entangled with Rubel and be drawn into politics.
However, here in Yulan, Ivan sought us out first. He offered advice and help that we needed, and in return, he demanded a price. I was troubled, unsure if he intended to declare his allegiance to the Second Prince’s faction or if he had something important to warn me about.
But the moment Ivan entered the reception room Rubel had indicated and closed the door, he said something unexpected.
“Why is that person still in that state?”
“…What?”
“I mean Prince Rubel. It’s been long enough for a colt to become a fine steed, so why is he still…”
I was dumbfounded. I stared blankly at Ivan, unable to sit or stand. He glanced me up and down, then his gaze drifted to a corner of the ceiling as if in thought. After about three seconds, he looked directly at me again.
“Could it be, Mikael, that Prince Rubel doesn’t appear to you as… that kind of person?”
“What, what are you talking about?”
“When one is young, they might not be able to distinguish between platonic affection and romantic attraction, so it’s possible. But Mikael, you are already eighteen. If you don’t plan to date him, nor do you intend to marry him, you shouldn’t have brought the Prince this far.”
“…Ah, no… No, that’s…”
“Mikael, you are an aspiring knight, so it’s fine to travel across the continent for knightly training. Knightly training is a great credential, and even if you don’t join the Imperial Knights, Count Ernhardt is currently in good health. Until Mikael receives his Count title, you are free to travel. However, Prince Rubel is not.”
“….”
“In the Sierran Empire, most people over twenty-five who are unmarried are wizards, Spirit Masters, or researchers. Nobles with respectable titles no longer appear on the marriage market. If you’re not going to date him, it’s right to send him back to the capital now so he can find someone else, man or woman.”
I was speechless.
I… Rubel himself had told me multiple times that it was fine, and I had seen through his gaze, gestures, and actions that he cared for me. So, I became greedy. I wanted to keep Rubel by my side a little longer, and if his feelings didn’t change even after this time, I intended to make him mine.
But was that wrong? Would it have been better to send Rubel far away to the capital and still hope his feelings wouldn’t change?
Even though I couldn’t imagine nights without Rubel now.
“Honestly, what help is the Prince to you when you’re doing knightly training? Mikael, you became a Sword Master before graduation. And this matter with the spirits. Is it right for the Prince to face such threats?”
What help was Rubel to me in what I was doing?
That was wrong. The boy was a tremendous help to me.
If it weren’t for Rubel, I would have charged towards the Sanctuary of the Sun with my crudely attached arm. I might still be wandering lost in the Indus Canyon. I would have remained a vengeful demon, just as I was, unsuited for this continent, only cutting down what was before my eyes and howling.
But then again, I wondered if this journey held any meaning for Rubel.
If I eliminate the Ninth God, the Sierran Empire will be at peace. That is undoubtedly a benefit for Rubel as well.
…However, the words that I shouldn’t take Rubel on a dangerous path… sounded right. It might have been better to travel with other knights whose skills surpassed Rubel’s. If I just, just exerted a little more strength…
There was something more unsettling than being told I was doing Rubel a great wrong.
If Rubel is sent to the capital now… he might find another partner.
I was stunned, as if I had been slapped. I had thought about this many times before. Yet, hearing it from someone else’s lips made it real. I felt incredibly anxious and distressed, my insides burning.
Ivan continued in a cold voice.
“If you really don’t know what to do, at least try kissing him once. That’s how I started.”
“…That’s.”
“…You did that too?”
“…Yes.”
His gaze was piercing.
Unconsciously, I turned halfway around. I broke out in a cold sweat, wanting to avoid Ivan’s gaze.
Ivan squinted, examining my state, then strode forward and sank into the reception room sofa. I stood rooted to the spot, feeling like I was being punished, until he beckoned me over, and I reluctantly approached the sofa and sat facing him.
I stole glances at Ivan, who was continuously stroking under his chin with one hand. It felt as though I had made a grave mistake. Or, even if that were the case, why should I be a sinner before Ivan, not Rubel? The moment I raised my head with that thought, he exclaimed,
“What exactly is the problem?”
“… “
How should I explain?
Since the other friends had found out, I wondered if I should tell this one too that I was a reincarnator. But the words wouldn’t come out. While the others might have accepted it, Ivan had given me pink booklets and said all sorts of things, telling me I needed age-appropriate education.
After a long hesitation, I finally opened my mouth.
“…If I were to state what kind of relationship we have… he would want even more from me than he does now.”
“Of course, he would.”
“Before marriage…”
“…Do you think Prince Rubel would be someone who wouldn’t even keep his pre-marital chastity? I don’t think so.”
“I.”
A hot breath escaped me. Heat rose to the top of my head. I covered my face with both hands and sank deep into the sofa. My back automatically hunched forward. I couldn’t lift my face shamelessly, not knowing what expression I must have right now.
“…Yes?”
“I lack confidence. I only realized this time that I am such a beastly scoundrel.”
“…Ah.”
He was truly saying all sorts of things, but I couldn’t bear it without spitting it out. Such was my heartfelt sincerity. The words I dragged up from the deepest part of my Middle Dantian felt nauseating the more I mulled them over.
“And as Ivan said, what if Rubel’s feelings truly change? If he wants to marry a woman and have children, then now, yes, before we started dating, I could pretend to smile. But after Rubel has already become mine once… I don’t know what I might do.”
“…Do what?”
“I am strong, aren’t I? Even among Sword Masters, I have high skill, and with more training, I think I could become a Grand Sword Master… If I impulsively, perhaps even by mistake, kidnapped him, or did something I shouldn’t, then. Who would stop me…?”
“…Ah.”
Then, Ivan’s voice became suddenly lighter. The tension in his neck, as if trying to intimidate me, eased, and he loosened his tightly clasped hands. He opened and closed his hands aimlessly a couple of times, then returned to his usual expression, straightened his shoulders, and sat up properly.
“If it’s something like that, it’s fine. Well, Mikael just acted like Mikael. The fruit higher up is sweeter, so the Prince must also restrain himself. I will be on Mikael’s side.”
“…What does that mean?”
“Just keep him with you.”
“…What?”
Look at this guy, speaking so casually because it’s not his problem. I glared at him through my fingers, feeling a surge of indignation.
However, Ivan genuinely looked relieved. He glanced around the room and found the tea set prepared in each reception room. The tea ware, equipped with an artifact to fill and heat water, allowing one to enjoy tea without servants, was Sierran.
He extended his index finger straight and pointed at a teacup. I sighed and immediately gathered my energy, pulling the tray over. It was amusing how he was making full use of my Telekinesis, having only seen it once.
Ivan brewed the tea silently, according to etiquette. A moment of comfortable silence settled. Even after years apart, it felt as familiar as sitting in a side room of the Academy library. As the silence lingered, my agitated heart began to calm.
Then, another question arose.
“What did you mean by ‘that state’?”
“That state?”
“Earlier, you asked why Rubel was still in ‘that state’…”
Ivan paused for a moment. He spent time matching the tip of his right index finger with the tip of his left index finger, as if calculating what to say. I didn’t take my eyes off his fingertips. His restless hands bore deep pen marks, just like Rubel’s.
“…He looked a bit, uneasy.”
“Rubel?”
“Yes. The three of us, the Prince, Mikael, and myself, were together, yet he couldn’t take his eyes off Mikael instead of me. Of course, when Mikael was speaking, that’s understandable. But when I was the speaker, it was a bit awkward.”
“…Hmm.”
“If you two were so enamored that you couldn’t take your eyes off each other’s faces in the early stages of dating, or if the Prince’s expression were softer and more affectionate, I wouldn’t have this concern. But honestly, while it might be understandable at the Academy, isn’t it strange that the Prince is wary of me now?”
“…Wary, of me?”
“Yes. As if trying to gauge how much Mikael likes me.”
“… “
This was unexpected. I was so surprised I was speechless. Ivan didn’t continue. I couldn’t tell if he was holding back further words or giving me time to think.
Fearing what Ivan might say next, I asked something else.
“…What did you mean when you said, ‘That’s how I started too’?”
“Ah. I meant I started with a kiss too. It was the other party’s fault that my wife changed. Because of that, she seemed to treat me as a superior at work rather than a potential husband, constantly flustered and apologetic whenever she looked at me.”
“…And so?”
Ivan rarely showed any change in his expression. He took a sip of his tea with his usual composed expression and continued speaking. His voice was clear, but the content of his words was far from light.
“From the day we promised marriage, we had a calm and romantic date once a month, and we kissed each time we parted. From the third time onwards, my wife began to notice me and became nervous, and it worked out well.”
“… “
“So, even now, I kiss her whenever I get the chance. It’s because I think she’s overly conscious of the fact that she’s a man.”
“… “
Come to think of it, he had done that sort of thing while holding his wife in the carriage. I had definitely intended to question him about it, but looking at his brazen face, it was hard to speak up.
“Why are you looking at me like that? I waited until our wedding night.”
“… “
“My situation and Mikael’s are different. Mikael is like a dog waiting before a piece of meat, but I was in a position of staring at an empty food bowl.”
“… “
“Since I can’t bite the hand that feeds me like a domestic animal, it’s only right to fawn over them.”
In the first year I knew him, I thought he was shy because he was taciturn and didn’t talk much. Not at all. I had misjudged him completely. When had he become such a sly and cunning man? I had no way of knowing if he had grown up crooked or if he had always been this way.
With a look of exasperation, I added sugar cubes to my teacup. Since arriving in Yulan, I hadn’t eaten sweets unless I was with Rubel. But now, my insides were burning, and I needed to soothe my tongue.