By Zephyria 
I stirred the white sugar granules into the red tea water, letting them dissolve gently. Ivan, who had been watching the scene blankly beside me, suddenly asked.
“Does meeting a god mean you heard a Divine Revelation? Where are Marianne and Benjamin?”
“…You said you didn’t want to pry in front of Ruben before.”
“I had to say that out of politeness then. Besides, there are other things I heard today, aren’t there?”
I read the worry in Ivan’s calm gaze.
Benjamin and Marianne were very close to me, and Ivan was also close and intimate with them. We had spent our three years at the Academy together, studying, eating, and sharing our daily lives. We were accustomed to sharing each other’s joys and sorrows, looking out for and caring for one another.
“Black magicians are attacking the Sierran Empire, and Mikael is gathering Divine objects to defeat a god—honestly, it’s hard to believe. If I weren’t close to Mikael, I wouldn’t have heard such news. I only knew about a large-scale monster subjugation.”
“…That’s….”
“Even now, I think these words about Divine objects, Black magicians, and gods sound like something out of a fairy tale and I’m not particularly interested. But I need to hear news about my friends who aren’t here right now.”
Ivan was right. There was no need to hide it. Marianne or Benjamin would have received the same answer if they were here.
I began by saying that I didn’t have detailed news because the Ranunculus I had sent to the Sanctuary of the Sun had not yet arrived.
“According to the dispatch from Felix, it seems both of them are safely taking refuge in the Sanctuary of the Sun… but I’m not sure. They were scattered when the cave they were all in collapsed.”
“The cave collapsed?”
“Yes. While trying to defeat a Black magician, the entire cave containing the altar collapsed, and Ruben and I were left behind. That’s why I came to Yulan. I thought it would be the fastest and safest way to receive news about our companions.”
Ivan was excellent at conversing with me. He understood my fragmented answers well and directly asked for clarification on points he couldn’t infer. He asked again with a serious expression.
“What do you mean by seeing a god? Did you see Mikael alone?”
“All of us saw the manifestation of the Sun God directly. It was in the form of a giant Makrir.”
“Makrir? Was it holding any Divine objects or anything like that?”
“No, it wasn’t. I heard that there are only two Divine objects circulating right now… and that Divine objects were created by the First Goddess and distributed to humans. It seems the Sun God isn’t particularly involved with Divine objects.”
As we talked about this, that topic led to another, and that led to stories from our school days. There were so many funny and nostalgic stories. I never imagined we would cross the Shatun Desert during a Camping Class. It’s a blessing in many ways.
Before I knew it, I was hearing about which flowers were used and which priest was called for Ivan’s wedding, and I listened to him boast about his wife for a long time. Baroness Vikoff was athletic and a good swimmer, he said. I also heard about beaches suitable for sea bathing in Yulan.
I suggested teaching his wife swordsmanship, only to be chided, and then heard that when they returned to the capital, Ivan and his wife planned to adopt a child from the Eldos Family for succession training. I had many questions about succession adoption. We asked and answered each other’s questions.
I thought we would talk for thirty to forty minutes, but as we caught up, several hours flew by.
Saying goodnight and deciding to sleep, I left the drawing-room. It was already deep into the night. The cold pre-dawn air rushed from the far end of the corridor and scratched my cheeks. I found an open window and closed it.
The soft moonlight cast a lattice pattern on the carpet.
As I headed towards Ruben’s room, my chest grew heavy. I stopped walking several times. Ivan’s words buzzed in my ears like a mosquito’s whine.
He said Rubel’s anxiety seemed like he was wary of me.
I knew the child was prone to jealousy. Ruben had been jealous of many guys around me since our Academy days. He had said it himself. Ruben was jealous of Shayden and Bill Brown. It was only now that I realized that was why Ruben and Ivan were awkward with each other.
Before, I had thought that Ruben had a naturally jealous disposition and needed to be cared for. But I never imagined that the child’s envy and jealousy were all my fault.
I recalled the day Ruben was grooming himself in the Indus Canyon. Merely to impress me, the child had taken great risks. Because I hadn’t given Ruben enough reassurance, he had been so flustered over such a trivial thing…
It seemed so difficult to me, yet how did others understand his inner thoughts with just a glance? I suppressed the sigh that threatened to escape. I carefully opened the door, trying not to wake Ruben, who was asleep.
Ruben was awake.
He sat at the desk facing the bed in a stiff posture. He must have heard my presence, but he didn’t look my way. I thought he might be looking at documents, but the desk was neat. I couldn’t find a single piece of paper anywhere. Puzzled, I asked him, unable to help myself.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“…I told you I would wait.”
Ruben’s voice was deep and muffled.
A chill ran down my spine. I remembered Ruben’s face from a spring day, biting his lip in distress.
I strode forward and stood before the wide desk. Even as I stood close to the child, Ruben didn’t lift his head. I followed his gaze. Instead of documents, a box about a handspan long lay on the desk.
“…What is this?”
“It’s yours.”
I opened the box without a word. …It was holy oil. It was something I had asked Ruben for.
Ruben still didn’t look up.
I was bothered by his muffled voice. Ruben had never shown such a demeanor during our journey from Owen to the Shatun Desert. It was so difficult. I was only relieved that he hadn’t imagined having Ruben by his side as much as Marianne and Benjamin.
I placed the tip of my index finger on the perfume bottle. The cool sensation made my breathing increasingly constricted.
I leaned on the desk with my right hand, bending my upper body. I was curious about Ruben’s face. I wanted to look at it a little more. I wanted to take out his inner thoughts as if they were jewels spread on the table and examine them thoroughly.
“Ruben.”
“….”
But Ruben didn’t move.
So, I took the hand he hadn’t offered me.
Ivan Bikoff said I was like a dog waiting in front of a piece of meat.
Truly, a profound insight. I needed to be a docile, obedient dog. I had to be a loyal hound, protecting this precious child so he wouldn’t be hurt.
Without being told, I pressed my lips to his fingertips. Ruben didn’t pull his hand away. I kissed the round knuckle of his thumb, the prominent joint in the middle of his index finger, the inner fold of his middle finger, and the part below his ring finger where a ring would touch, and exhaled.
Only then did the child lift his head. His face was already flushed. His lips, tightly closed in displeasure, remained so, but his dark eyes sparkled with joy. His face was so adorable that I couldn’t help but smile, and the child spoke in a petulant voice.
“…Mika. I… am not used to waiting for someone.”
It wasn’t anger, but a spoiled complaint. I stopped smiling and immediately apologized.
“I’m sorry.”
“…Ha….”
Then, Ruben, keeping his hand in mine, covered his face with his other hand. He took a deep breath and slumped onto the desk. His hair, neatly tied up, spilled to one side and became disheveled. My gaze fell directly on Ruben’s red ears and the nape of his neck.
The child mumbled, showing only a small part of his profile.
“…Still, I’ll keep waiting. So… just come back like this.”
“…Yes.”
It felt ticklish, like swallowing downy feathers.
Hiding my burning inner feelings, I gently stroked the back of the child’s hand with my thumb.
Ruben was quiet the whole time. I wanted to smile this time, but the smile wouldn’t come easily.
How could he give me the answer I wanted to hear without even knowing what I wanted to ask?
I had just decided that I needed to send Ruben back to the capital.
Once my destination became clear and I could assign reliable protection to Ruben, I thought it would be right to keep the child in the safe rear, in the precious Imperial Palace of the Sierran capital.
I don’t know why Wesley Kiadris is still keeping me and Ruben alive. The Emperor is loved by the First Goddess, and the Imperial Palace is his domain, so I can only surmise that it’s not a significant obstacle.
Separately, an absurd worry settled in my chest like indigestion.
What if, just in case, while I’m not around, the child falls for someone else?
I felt I could no longer face Ruben’s bride and child with a neutral expression. If that happened, I thought I’d quit being an Imperial Knight or anything else and live secluded in Earldom Ernhardt. But then, living my entire life without seeing Ruben’s face again would be too cruel, wouldn’t it?
Does Ruben’s anxiety come from this kind of worry? Is this anxiety also a sign of love? I couldn’t ask, even if I was curious. I was just standing there, holding his hand, contemplating a sorrowful future.
The child let go of my hand.
Just as I was about to head to bed, Ruben pulled the box in front of him and grasped it. Ruben looked up at me with a determined expression. The child’s cheeks, which had been resting on the cold desk for a long time, were still flushed.
“Well then, go wash up and come back. I’ll show you how to use this.”
“…What?”
Show me how to use what?
❖ ❖ ❖
Was there a special way to use holy oil?
Unable to resist Ruben’s urging, I entered the adjoining bathroom, still bewildered.
Having grown up in a noble family, I had used similar items several times before. I had also seen Ruben use holy oil several times. It was usually mixed with bathwater for fragrance, applied to dry skin after bathing to give it a sheen, or applied to wet hair for a glossy finish.
What other method could there be that he was going to show me?
Suddenly, a foolish thought surged, and I poured cold water over my head instead of hot. There were limits to foolishness; where had the heart that had so eagerly longed for the person before me just moments ago gone?
Thinking back, Ruben never tied his hair in a single knot. He would divide his hair into two or three sections and tie it high, making his ponytail sway charmingly with every step. He was skilled at making even a simple knot look stylish.
At Young Count Ernhardt’s Residence, I learned nothing but letters and swordsmanship. It seemed my grooming skills were lacking in Ruben’s eyes. Still, wanting to look good for him, I resolved to learn anything diligently before his feelings for me faded.
Swallowing a hollow laugh, I finished rinsing my body.