By Zephyria 
I realized for the first time how thin and delicate a person’s lips could be.
It was merely a contact of surface against surface. Yet, I couldn’t overcome the gasp the child let out, “Ah.” Fearing I might unconsciously reach out for Ruben, I hid one hand behind my back. My entire body’s energy channels throbbed with surprise. I clenched my fist tightly and endured.
After a few seconds passed like that, I finally pulled my head back.
Then, Ruben slowly lifted his eyelids. Surprisingly, it felt as if sunlight poured down from above the child’s head. His dark pupils held stars and moons. They held jewels and flowers. It felt as if all the beauty I knew was embedded within them, and I couldn’t tear my gaze away.
I couldn’t believe it. The thumping of my heart was so loud I couldn’t collect myself. Ruben, a martial artist, couldn’t possibly have missed my state. The child blinked a couple of times, then wrapped his arms around my neck.
No, not anymore.
“…This time, you close your eyes, Mika.”
I couldn’t overcome my desire this time either.
Just as Ruben had, I closed my eyes.
As Ruben disappeared from my sight, my other senses grew even more acute. Ruben’s gaze slowly swept over my face. I couldn’t imagine what my expression looked like right now. I was still dazed, unable to believe I had touched the child.
Ruben’s fingertips slowly traced the back of my neck. I flinched, startled, but didn’t push him away.
We touched again.
Like a butterfly landing on a flower, the child carefully, carefully sought my lips. A contact, a gentle touch and separation, once, twice. And then a third time. It was a kiss made more intense by its brevity.
Unable to bear it any longer, I gasped. Taking a deep breath, I twisted my shoulder and pulled myself out of the child’s embrace. I opened my eyes. Ruben’s hand, which had been holding my shoulder, slid down to grip my forearm.
As the child’s large hand gently stroked my elbow, my clenched fist, which had been tense, slowly relaxed.
I was pulled along by the child’s lead, gripping Ruben’s waist.
Unconsciously, I pulled him close. I sought the child’s lips again. I wanted to part those lips and steal a taste of the inner flesh I had glimpsed before. I was restless. I burned.
“…Huh?”
If not for the child’s sharp cry, I would have done something drastic.
Startled, I sat up.
Ruben was gripping my wrist tightly. Blood pooled in the hand that held me, dripping down.
My fist, clenched tightly in an attempt to endure while receiving Ruben’s kiss, had caused this mess. I had clenched it so hard that my fingernails had dug in, drawing blood until my grip was slippery.
“It’s nothing, let’s continue,” I thought, but then my realization made me jump, and I clenched my fist again. Startled, Ruben grabbed my wrist with both hands, his face crumpling.
“Ah, no! Don’t, don’t do that. Wait, just a moment, Mika…”
“…Ah.”
“Does it hurt? No, why… why is there blood? Did I do something, that…”
…My mind wasn’t returning easily. I felt awkward for startling Ruben with such a minor injury. I cleared my throat, but my voice was still hoarse, and I made a few more embarrassed sounds.
“…No, it’s not Ruben’s fault.”
“…Did you not like it?”
“It’s not that I didn’t like it.”
My chest still pounded like I had run a long race. My breathing was ragged. This child, holding my wrist tightly in both hands, looking at the wound with such distress, was so incredibly beautiful and lovable that I almost forgot my vow to cherish him.
He didn’t know what I had been about to do, and seeing him so worried over my wound, I gently cupped his cheek with my uninjured hand.
And then, again, my eyes welled up, and I lowered my lips to his. Ruben’s eyes widened in surprise, and though I knew he was startled, I couldn’t hold back.
This is why I wanted to be cautious with each step, but I had wasted my years.
I had fallen completely for Ruben’s clumsy seduction, and this was the result. Naturally, I laughed. I kissed the corners of Ruben’s eyes a couple more times, soothingly, and the child stopped crying. He looked back and forth between my hands and face, holding his breath.
I spoke in a gentle voice. A voice that, without effort, became sweet and moist.
“…It was because I liked it so much.”
“…Huh?”
“It was because I liked it so much. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore.”
As the child let out a breath of astonishment and was about to say something, I pulled his shoulder and drew him close to my chest. I wanted Ruben to understand my feelings, and yet, I also wished he would never know what I had been thinking.
Ruben’s hands fumbled, unsure where to rest, then gripped my forearm and lifted my face. I wanted to hide my flushed face, but I didn’t want to tear my gaze from the child’s, so I gave up.
Every breath I exhaled was hot, and every breath I inhaled was burning.
I wished I could melt away from the heat radiating from our bodies, still so close.
I spoke again in a gentle voice, as if making a declaration.
“So you don’t have to worry.”
“…How can I not worry…”
The child made a sound like crying, and I laughed.
Hearing my laughter, Ruben stirred in my arms. Thinking he might be uncomfortable, I adjusted my hold, and he quickly settled down. I was still dizzy, my entire body feeling as if molten metal had been poured over me.
My mind hadn’t returned in time; I needed more time to catch my breath.
We remained embraced like that for a long time.
Then, the child carefully slipped his hand between my fingers, and I willingly opened mine. With every brush of the soft skin between our fingers, my toes curled. Ruben intertwined our fingers, preventing me from clenching my fist again, and murmured in a small voice.
“…One more time.”
“…Mmm.”
“Huh? Mika…”
So this time, we both closed our eyes.
Whenever the child parted his lips slightly, I gently bit them, scolding him not to do that. But when the child whined, I nuzzled his nose with mine.
I didn’t place my hands on Ruben’s waist. Even when the child urged me again, I shook my head, saying no. The child pouted, and I gave him a quick kiss. Then he smiled again, and his pretty face made me laugh.
Every time our eyes met, Ruben smiled shyly. I did too. I asked him softly if he liked my gift, and Ruben nodded, replying that he liked it very much. Only then did my heart finally feel at ease.
Ruben, his face flushed and satisfied, his eyes shining, burrowed into my embrace. Each time, I struggled to shift my position so he wouldn’t notice.
It was fortunate that no one came looking for us all afternoon.
❖ ❖ ❖
I had given Ruben my entire birthday, but I still had things to do.
It was the same with the sword. Only when one reached their limit did they realize their shortcomings. It was like reaching the summit to find the path down. If you didn’t intend to turn back, you had to reach the highest point.
For the past few days, with a constant undercurrent of anxiety and impatience, I had not taken a single breath carelessly, cutting and re-cutting everything within my sight. That memory was seared into my body, not my mind, like a brand. Before that sensation faded, I had to establish another foundation.
After putting Ruben to sleep, I came out to the martial arts training ground.
Large clouds had obscured the white moon, leaving only the red moon hanging high. Standing beneath the moon, I drew my sword. Was this how I had drawn it? No, was it like that? With every stroke of the sword, I hesitated three or four times, taking one step at a time.
I sensed a presence, but knowing it was someone familiar, I didn’t stop. I finished what I was doing.
It was not unlike memorizing formulas or timelines. By repeating the established answers, one could easily respond to questions with variations. Elvin, who had been watching me swing my sword from bottom to top, then top to bottom, drew his own sword and stood before me.
Without a word, we clashed swords. No, we leaned our swords against each other.
I had run forward without looking back, but he, standing behind me, had watched me completely and followed. He had undoubtedly observed and remembered every way I swung and thrust my sword.
I was delighted by the sword forms that guided me to emulate my past actions.
My sword energy was blue, and Elvin’s was a bright golden yellow.
As they mingled, it was like a blue dragon wreathed in lightning soaring into the sky.
We matched our movements, our swords clashing, dragging, and swinging. I felt the words my sword conveyed, filling my grip, with my heart. It was no different from floating on a small boat on a dark night lake, being pushed this way and that by the gentle ripples.
At the appropriate moment, at the appropriate time, I sheathed my sword.
After our extensive practice, my clothes were soaked with sweat and stuck to my back. As if giving me time to process my realizations, or perhaps as if he too had gained something in the interim, Elvin closed his eyes and reviewed the movements where he stood. I stood opposite him, tracing a few more sword strokes in the air, considering the possibilities.
When Elvin Brooks opened his eyes again, I bowed and expressed my gratitude.
“Thank you for your help.”
“Yes.”
Silence followed again.
I recalled Elvin’s voice, the one that had encouraged me so many times on that arduous path, and the one that communicated with Hugh Benson using coded words.
My hesitation was brief. Elvin Brooks had also received the title of Sierren, and he was a person of Sierren. Hearing it from his own lips would be more accurate than my own limited deductions.
“I heard you came from the desert.”
“…”
Elvin looked at me with a steady gaze.
And then, in clear Sierren, he gave an unrelated answer.
“I sense the aura of Divinity from Lord Ernhardt.”
“Divinity… Ah, I’ve heard that my internal energy resembles Divine Power.”
I replied with a smile, but Elvin didn’t smile and simply shook his head. Then he spoke again.
“It smells of an Oasis.”
“…Pardon?”
“It will be useful when the time comes.”
And then he fell silent again.
Unsure how to respond, I watched him for a long moment. Elvin then bowed and took his leave, saying he would go inside.
What did the smell of an Oasis mean? I lifted my forearm and buried my nose in it, but I still couldn’t understand his words.
Just in case, I went inside and took a bath immediately.