By Zephyria When I returned to the table, more time had passed than I thought. Once because of Kim Do-hyun, and once because I was lost in random thoughts, time was very delayed.
The club members were more drunk than before, and Choi Tae-gyeom was sitting up surprisingly well. I somehow felt a scary pheromone flowing out from his back as he leaned back in his chair.
“Did you sober up a bit?”
“…”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze turned to me. I felt a strange sense of unease in his calm eyes. He wasn’t like this before, is this a new drinking habit?
“…Why are you so late?”
He spoke in a slightly grumbling tone. It felt like he was whining, as if asking where I had gone without him. The sight of him acting like he was being spoiled made me unconsciously stroke his head as if I was comforting a child.
“Sorry, I was talking to Kim Do-hyun.”
His fine hair fell back softly. When I stroked his smooth forehead with my thumb, he blinked slowly like a cat. I thought he had sobered up a bit, but judging by the way he was rubbing his face against my hand, he was still drunk.
“What did you talk about?”
“Just this and that.”
Choi Tae-gyeom squinted and looked up at me. His flushed face and the overflowing pheromone were somehow full of dissatisfaction. Even while drunk, he didn’t seem to like me hanging out with Kim Do-hyun.
“Your face is hot.”
It seemed like now was the best time to take him home, since he was still able to support himself. If he got any more drunk, it would definitely be hard to even support him.
“Here, put this on and let’s go home.”
I pushed away Choi Tae-gyeom, who kept clinging to me, and grabbed the coat that was next to me. He looked at my palm with dissatisfaction, but he obediently put on the coat as I helped him. After I put his arms through the sleeves and carefully zipped it up, he grabbed my collar while still sitting down.
“Don’t you have a coat?”
Was it because he was drunk? Choi Tae-gyeom was more affectionate than usual. It was as if he had returned to the small, delicate kid he was when he was younger, and his dependence on me was very cute. I’m glad I went out to smoke. If I hadn’t, I would have lost my mind to his handsome face and pheromones and been swayed by him.
“I’m not cold, so it’s okay.”
Getting ready to leave was quickly done. His bag was very light, and I was able to carry both bags and support Choi Tae-gyeom without any trouble. Choi Tae-gyeom hesitated for a moment when he saw me carrying the bags, but soon he nonchalantly grabbed my arm.
“Min-jeong-ssi, I’m leaving first because Tae-gyeom is drunk, so contact me if anything happens.”
“Ah, oppa. Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, see you next time.”
“Be careful going in.”
After saying goodbye to Min-jeong-ssi, Choi Tae-gyeom staggered and leaned on me. I felt the pheromones rushing in and carefully wrapped my arm around Choi Tae-gyeom’s waist. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and leaned on me, bumping his head on the top of my hat.
“Let’s go quickly.”
“Okay, okay. Let’s go.”
Choi Tae-gyeom moved his feet more steadily than I thought. He occasionally staggered and leaned on me, but he didn’t seem completely out of it. He was definitely taller than Park Seong-jae, but why was it easier to support him than Park Seong-jae?
“Are you going in?”
I ran into Kim Do-hyun outside the bar. Kim Do-hyun, who was holding a plastic bag in his hand as if he had gone to the convenience store, looked at us reeking of cigarette smoke, and Choi Tae-gyeom covered my nose and mouth with his palm and released his pheromones. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were much more overwhelming than Kim Do-hyun’s cigarette smell, so what was the point of covering my mouth?
“Uh… drink moderately and go in.”
I slowly took a breath and removed Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand. Choi Tae-gyeom, who had frowned for a moment, released his pheromones even more intensely. He didn’t seem to realize that we were outside, and he looked like someone who was wary of Kim Do-hyun.
“Be careful going in.”
Fortunately, Kim Do-hyun greeted us without saying anything else. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones gradually faded at the sight of his polite smile. Kim Do-hyun brushed past us and whispered in a small voice.
“And what I said earlier…”
The hand around my shoulder seemed to tighten. It was a small voice, but Choi Tae-gyeom would be able to hear it at this distance. I reflexively looked at Kim Do-hyun, and he smiled and continued.
“I was serious, so think about it slowly.”
“……”
“Then I’ll go in.”
With those words, Kim Do-hyun returned to his table without hesitation. Choi Tae-gyeom was glaring at Kim Do-hyun, gripping my shoulder as if he would break it. He didn’t even know what we were talking about, but he just didn’t like Kim Do-hyun himself.
“It hurts, you idiot. Don’t squeeze so hard.”
When I touched his hand and said that, Choi Tae-gyeom immediately released his grip. He leaned his head on my hat and sighed deeply. The pheromones that were released haphazardly revealed his unpleasant mood.
When we got to a slightly larger road, taxis were lined up waiting for customers. It was a weekday and late at night, so there were many taxis but no customers. I was naturally thinking of choosing one of them to take, but Choi Tae-gyeom nonchalantly grabbed me.
“I want to walk a bit.”
He didn’t say anything as we walked. He just took slow steps and occasionally leaned on me. Judging from the pheromones surrounding us, he was clearly upset, and I was even hesitant to say anything to him.
Actually, I had an idea of what was going on. He told me not to hang out with Kim Do-hyun, and we had a fight, or rather, a disagreement, after that conversation. But since we were in the same club and even had drinks together, Choi Tae-gyeom must have been dumbfounded. On top of that, I said I would take him home, but I made him wait for a long time while I talked to Kim Do-hyun.
“Aren’t you cold?”
Eventually, unable to bear the awkward atmosphere, I opened my mouth. Choi Tae-gyeom stopped walking and took a step away from me. His slightly furrowed brow made him look like he regretted something.
“I’m not cold…”
He trailed off and reached out to my ear. Because he naturally had a high body temperature, the sensation on my ear was very warm. Could you get burned by someone’s body temperature? He gently stroked my ear and leaned on me weakly.
“Lee Yoon-woo, you look like you’re cold.”
His large body hugged me. No, it was closer to pulling me into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, leaned on me, and rubbed his face against my neck. The sensation of his skin touching my bare skin was excessively stimulating.
“…I’m dizzy.”
My whole body stiffened. Thump, thump, the sound of my heart beating was clear. There must be a pulse in my neck too, and in this position, he would quickly notice my heartbeat. So I awkwardly pulled my body back, but Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t let me go. Rather, he leaned on me with more weight, as if he was really very dizzy.
“That…”
My voice didn’t come out. His body temperature was directly transmitted to me, and I was nervous even to say anything. I was chilly earlier, but now my stomach was hot. In the meantime, he nonchalantly buried his nose in my collar and smelled it.
“You smell good.”
“What are you talking about…”
I smoked several cigarettes, so there’s no way I could smell good. If anything, Choi Tae-gyeom should smell good.
“Stand up straight. Okay?”
I spoke as if I were coaxing a child, but he didn’t straighten up. Every time Choi Tae-gyeom exhaled, that area around my neck tickled. Besides, without me noticing, his pheromones were slowly leaking out.
“Haa…”
When we were young, I often hugged Choi Tae-gyeom. Even though we were the same age, he was so small and cute that I would grab him and hug him without even asking him if he wanted to. Every time, Choi Tae-gyeom would wriggle and grumble, but in the end, he would quietly stay in my arms.
But now the situation was reversed. Choi Tae-gyeom was hugging me, and I was resisting to get away. I wondered when he had grown up so much, the little kid who was always so small was now so big that I felt suffocated.
Inevitably, I reluctantly put my hands on Choi Tae-gyeom’s back. My face was flushed, but it was okay as long as Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t notice. I was embarrassed by the hugging position, but my heart was racing like crazy. It was a relief that the alley was dark and there were few people around.
“Are you very dizzy?”
“Yeah.”
The answer came back immediately. Every time I stroked Choi Tae-gyeom’s back once, twice, he flinched. My whole body was filled with heat from the pheromones that poured out.
I didn’t believe in such clichéd expressions as wanting time to stop. I didn’t know that touching someone you liked was such an embarrassing thing. I liked Choi Tae-gyeom, but that feeling had been dormant for five years. But now it felt like the feelings I had been holding back were pouring out.
“…What should I do?”
Really, what should I do in this situation? Choi Tae-gyeom was just drunk, but I was having selfish thoughts all by myself. I knew I couldn’t keep doing this, but I didn’t want to get out of his arms. I knew I should catch a taxi and send him home, but I wanted to enjoy this time a little longer.
“I’ll call a taxi soon, so…”
“I think I’ll throw up if I get in a car.”
Choi Tae-gyeom shook his head and hugged me even tighter. The pheromones that had been flowing out were also getting stronger. If I lost my grip on my senses even a little, Omega pheromones might pour out. Or maybe my body would react first, like last time.
“What should I do…”
I knew it in my head. If I resisted more strongly, he would let me go. I was also an adult man, and it wouldn’t be difficult to push him away if I used a little strength. If I let go of his hands and pushed his shoulders right now, Choi Tae-gyeom would obediently take a step back.
But my sly heart kept ignoring that thought. When else would I be able to be hugged like this? Just pretend you don’t know and stay like this. The swelling selfishness kept whispering to me.
“Lee Yoon-woo.”
That was when Choi Tae-gyeom called me. Just as I was having lewd thoughts, my body flinched, and he spoke in a languid voice.
“Let me sleep at your place for one night.”
“…What?”
My mind went blank. For a brief moment, I didn’t understand what he was saying. Did I hear wrong? I was worried for a moment. Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice was clearly heard under the quiet silence.
“I can’t go home.”
Choi Tae-gyeom spoke in a tone that seemed to be pleading. He put strength into the arms that were holding me and whispered softly in my ear.
“Let me sleep over.”
My legs trembled even though he didn’t mean it that way. The low voice felt excessively lewd. Get a grip, Lee Yoon-woo. He’s just a drunk. I tried to repeat that, but it was no use. My pheromone-intoxicated brain was already conjuring up all sorts of fantasies.
“Can’t… you walk?”
My throat was dry. Did he know what I was thinking and act so defenselessly? What if, just in case, I laid a hand on him? What if I caressed him because he was pretty and touched him as I pleased?
“It’s hard…”
He whined and urged me on. At the same time, the conscience hidden deep inside my heart pricked me a little. I was having all sorts of random thoughts while leaving him, who was completely drunk. It was all because he hugged me without any consideration.
“…Is it very hard?”
There were many reasons why I shouldn’t take him. First of all, I hadn’t cleaned properly for the past few days, and I hadn’t taken in the laundry I had hung out last night. There was nothing in the refrigerator except water and kimchi, and I couldn’t rule out the possibility that Omega pheromones were still present.
“Yeah.”
Besides that, I also thought of reasons such as I hadn’t ventilated the room, the studio apartment was too small for two people to sleep in, and I wasn’t confident in being alone with him in a confined space. There were so many reasons that I couldn’t even count them on both hands, and the conclusion should naturally be ‘I shouldn’t let him sleep over.’
“…Okay.”
But the fact that I couldn’t refuse despite thinking of all those reasons meant that I wanted to take him after all.
One night. Wouldn’t it be okay to be with him for just one night? A conflict in which the result was determined the moment the worry began. Words different from reason came out of my mouth.
“Let’s go to my place.”
The way home wasn’t far. I must have unknowingly headed towards my house while walking the night road. Choi Tae-gyeom let go of me as soon as I said I would let him sleep over, and he occasionally leaned on me as we walked.
“Sit here for a moment.”
Fortunately, the state of the house wasn’t bad. There was laundry hanging, but other than that, there wasn’t anything too bothersome. I first sat the staggering Choi Tae-gyeom on the bed and quickly took down the underwear that was hanging.
“I need to give you clothes to change into, right?”
“…Uh.”
For some reason, Choi Tae-gyeom’s words decreased rapidly as soon as he entered the house. I thought he had sobered up a bit after getting some fresh air outside, but judging from his red face, he hadn’t changed at all. Or maybe he got drunk again the moment he entered the room. The way he was sitting on the bed with his hands gathered demurely was similar to when he was shy as a child.
“Wash up and wear this.”
I didn’t have any suitable clothes to give him. When we were young, we used to share clothes without any distinction, but now he was much bigger than me. Inevitably, I handed him the clothes that Park Seong-jae had left behind, and he looked up at me blankly.
“You…”
His pretty lips parted slightly. He was staggering every time he walked, but his eyes were quite clear. When I tilted my head to tell him to speak, he let out a small breath.
“No…”
“Do you have something to say?”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s face contorted slightly. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes slightly with one hand. Through the gaps in his fingers, I could see his eyelids, which had turned slightly red.
“Don’t rub your eyes.”
His skin was weak, so why was he rubbing his eyes? I grabbed his wrist and pulled it down to tell him not to, and our eyes met in the air. At that, Choi Tae-gyeom hesitated a little and opened his mouth.
“Do you… spray air freshener in your house?”
“Air freshener?”
Why air freshener? Before I could even ask that, he took the clothes I handed him. Then, he buried his nose in the clothes and slowly inhaled.
“It smells good…”
Only then did I realize what air freshener he was talking about. My hair stood on end, and my heart sank. Choi Tae-gyeom tilted his head and muttered as if he was puzzled.
“It’s not fabric softener…”
“It’s air freshener.”
I hurriedly cut off Choi Tae-gyeom’s words and got him up. He looked at me with wide eyes at the sudden movement. He looked as cute as a startled rabbit, but there was no time to leisurely express my impressions. I just shook the hands I was holding as if urging him to answer. Choi Tae-gyeom narrowed his eyes and looked at me before slowly nodding his head.
“There’s a towel and a new toothbrush in the cupboard, so use them…”
I had said everything I needed to say, so I had to close the door, but I kept worrying about Choi Tae-gyeom. What if he fell? What if he sat down on the floor and fell asleep? I knew it was a useless worry, but the way he was staggering kept appearing before my eyes. What if I helped him wash up?
“…Should I wash you?”
“What?”
The thought came out of my mouth without going through my head. Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me with wide eyes at the words that slipped out. I was the one who was embarrassed by his flustered reaction.
“No… no, because you’re drunk.”
A stammering excuse came out. It was definitely not a impure intention. It felt like I was falling into a swamp as I tried to continue. We used to shower together when we were young, but why did the words ‘I’ll help you wash up’ sound so lewd?
“…Wash up. Call me if you need anything.”
In the end, I gave up on the excuse and pushed Choi Tae-gyeom in. Through the gap in the closing door, I could see him grabbing the sink and staggering. I wondered if it would be better to help him after all, but I gave up and turned around. First of all, there were things I needed to take care of.
“That was close.”
I remembered when I heard the word ‘air freshener.’ The fact that all sorts of suppressants were scattered on the sink. From half-eaten ones to completely new ones, they were the medicines I had taken out because my heat cycle wasn’t far away. Fortunately, he didn’t find out, but I didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if he saw them.
The only good thing was that he thought my pheromones were simply a ‘good smell.’ Perhaps Choi Tae-gyeom simply defined something with a weak presence as a ‘scent.’ So he thought it was one of the air fresheners or fabric softeners and smelled the clothes. The strange thing was that a drunk guy smelled it so well…
I’m glad it’s clothes I don’t wear. I swept up the suppressants with a sigh of relief. After hiding the collected items deep in the cupboard, I also opened the window wide. The most effective way was to smoke a pheromone cigarette, but I didn’t want to make Choi Tae-gyeom sleep in a place full of cigarette smoke.
Well, if the purpose was to cover up the pheromones, there was no need to smoke a cigarette. I had a Dominant Alpha with stronger pheromones than anyone else in the house, so why would I do that? If he stayed for just five minutes, my pheromones wouldn’t even leave a trace.
“I’m going crazy…”
I started to get nervous again as the things I had to do disappeared. The drunk guy would be releasing pheromones defenselessly, and I had to endure those pheromones without any defense. I couldn’t smoke cigarettes in the house, so I might really have to pinch my thigh.
…Would pinching work?
I took out the clothes I would wear after showering with a sigh. First of all, I was going to go into the shower as soon as he came out. If I cooled my body with cold water, I thought my mind would be somewhat organized. It would be perfect if Choi Tae-gyeom was asleep when I came out of the shower. He wouldn’t be releasing pheromones while sleeping.
The sound of water stopping came at that moment. At the sound of the shower being turned off, I froze awkwardly, holding the clothes I was going to change into. I tried to act as natural as possible, but I couldn’t help but tense my shoulders.
“……”
Click, the door opened. The sound of me swallowing was loud. Choi Tae-gyeom came out of the bathroom, shaking his head with one hand. The moment our eyes met, a drop of water trickled down his clear cheek.
For a moment, I couldn’t say anything. The black t-shirt that was just a piece of cloth when Park Seong-jae wore it looked like a fancy brand when he wore it. The glimpses of his collarbone and his flushed lips felt excessively lewd.
“I put the toothbrush on the sink.”
It wasn’t like he came out naked; he was just a little wet in his hair and skin. If I blushed at this, I would really have problems in my daily life.
“Oh… good job.”
No, isn’t the problem with Choi Tae-gyeom, not me?
“I’m going to shower, so go to sleep if you’re tired.”
My mouth felt dry. I tried to sound casual, but there was awkwardness at the end. Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom seemed to not have heard properly because he was shaking his head. Or maybe he just looked a little sleepy, staring blankly at the bed.
“Rest.”
With those words, I passed Choi Tae-gyeom and entered the bathroom. The bathroom, filled with steam, was full of the scent of the shampoo he had just used. It was definitely a familiar scent, but my face flushed.
“…I’m going crazy.”
How could just a trace be so erotic? At this point, I really thought I was seriously ill. Just thinking that Choi Tae-gyeom had showered here made my stomach churn like a pervert.
Get a grip, Lee Yoon-woo. I repeated that to myself, taking off my clothes one by one. Please, when I come out after showering, I hope Choi Tae-gyeom is sound asleep. So deeply asleep that he won’t notice at all even if I’m shaken by seeing him. I prayed to a god I didn’t even believe in, but no answer came back.
And not long after, I faced a new problem. I had forgotten, but my studio apartment only had one pillow and one blanket.
The moment I realized that, my head spun. One pillow, one blanket. That meant I had to sleep in the same blanket as Choi Tae-gyeom. Since there was only one bed in the first place, I should have realized that sooner. The problem was that I was momentarily out of my mind thinking about bringing Choi Tae-gyeom here.
What should I do?
My heart pounded like crazy. Cold water was coming out of the shower, but heat was rising inside me. Like when I was intoxicated by Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone, my head was spinning wildly.
Nineteen. It was the first desire I felt since realizing I liked Choi Tae-gyeom. I wanted to touch him, hold him, kiss him, and have him touch me. The extremely primal desire was too rude to him, who was defenselessly drunk, and too harsh to me, who couldn’t say anything.
“Crazy bastard…”
A curse naturally flowed out. If I was like this, I would be no different from the Omegas who had bothered Choi Tae-gyeom when he was young. Unable to control the overflowing desire, I would only leave him with bad trauma. If that happened, Choi Tae-gyeom would really be irreversibly hurt.
If only I wasn’t an Omega… The meaningless assumption only brought futility in the end. I had lived in resentment every day since my heat, but I had never felt so wronged as today. Damn pheromones, damn Dominant Alpha. The water pouring from the shower was very cold.
When I came out of the bathroom, the air was filled with Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone. It wasn’t intentionally released; it was just the amount that naturally flowed out from him just being there. He must have felt comfortable releasing his pheromones since he was with me, a Beta, in the same house. If I hadn’t been under the cold water for so long, I would have helplessly gone into heat from his pheromones.
“You’re not asleep?”
Choi Tae-gyeom was sitting demurely on the bed. His hair seemed almost dry, and he was awkwardly holding a wet towel. As soon as I came out, he looked at me and awkwardly touched the back of his head.
“I didn’t know where to sleep.”
“Of course, on the bed…”
I was going to answer casually, but my mouth closed the moment our eyes met. I tensed up instantly at Choi Tae-gyeom’s intense gaze. I swallowed hard.
“You can sleep on the bed.”
“Is this the only blanket?”
I nodded slowly. Yes, that’s all there is. That’s why I’ve been in the bathroom all this time. The thought of sharing a blanket made my throat dry.
Instead of asking anything more, Choi Tae-gyeom leaned back slightly.
“Then we’ll have to sleep together.”
It was a nonchalant conclusion. It seemed that I was the only one feeling this awkwardness and shyness. Well, it wasn’t like we hadn’t slept together for a day or two, so it was strange to feel this way now. It wasn’t just the blanket; there were many times when we woke up hugging each other.
“I… guess so…”
I awkwardly shook my head, trying to dry my hair. It was to hide my face, which was flushed at his words. It was an awkward position no matter who looked at it, but it was ambiguous to get closer or further away.
“What are you doing?”
How long had I been standing there? Choi Tae-gyeom asked cautiously. His voice was full of doubt. He didn’t notice my agitation at all, and he tapped the bed.
“Come here. Let’s sleep.”
It was like he was talking to a pet. Affectionate, gentle, and a little ticklish. Or maybe that was just my imagination. I had been thinking all sorts of things, so even ordinary words sounded strange now.
“Go to sleep first. I’m going to dry my hair.”
“Then stay next to me until I fall asleep.”
I tried to say it calmly, but what came back was a sulky request. Stay next to him until he falls asleep? How much closer could I get in this small studio apartment? I narrowed my eyes to gauge his intentions, and Choi Tae-gyeom grinned playfully.
“Just. It reminds me of the old days.”
“The old days?”
“When you used to put me to sleep.”
Thud, it felt like my strength was leaving me. The words “put me to sleep” reminded me of childhood memories. The times I clumsily put Choi Tae-gyeom to sleep, and how he fell asleep instantly even with my clumsy patting.
“Come here.”
Choi Tae-gyeom smiled more brightly than ever and called me. I approached him as if possessed. His softly curved eyes created a smile that I couldn’t resist.
“Let’s sleep together for the first time in a while.”
Inevitably, I had no choice but to turn off the lights and lie down next to Choi Tae-gyeom. My hair, which wasn’t completely dry, was cold, but it was better for my flushed face. Choi Tae-gyeom gave a pleasant smile as I obediently lay down next to him.
“You can use the pillow, Tae-gyeom.”
Anyway, this was the problem with me. Whether it was when we were young or now, I couldn’t refuse anything he asked for. Especially when he smiled so beautifully. Whether he knew it or not. If he knew, it was annoying, and if he didn’t, it was frustrating.
“It’s your pillow, you should use it.”
Choi Tae-gyeom pushed the pillow towards me and turned to lie on his side. The way he blinked his eyes with his arm as a pillow made it seem like he had no intention of using the pillow. I was afraid that if I offered it again, he would say we should share it, so I pretended to be brazen and put a dry towel on the pillow. Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me with clear eyes.
“Are you sobering up?”
“No.”
How could a “no” answer be so untrustworthy? Well, he wouldn’t have asked me to put him to sleep unless he was drunk. But he seemed a little more sober than before.
“…I’m still dizzy.”
He answered slowly and blinked his eyes. Beyond the vision that had become accustomed to the darkness, I could see Choi Tae-gyeom adjusting his position. The way his eyes slowly closed and opened, and the way he rubbed his face on his arm, was as languid as a cat.
“You’re going to have a headache tomorrow.”
The word “cute” lingered on the tip of my tongue, so I hurriedly changed the subject. He had drunk quite a bit, so he might have a headache tomorrow. I didn’t drink much, but I knew that Park Seong-jae was the type to get terribly sick. Park Seong-jae would come with all sorts of pains, from headaches to stomachaches to muscle aches, and gulp down hangover drinks.
“Don’t you have a hangover?”
“I’m okay.”
Choi Tae-gyeom answered in a pleasant voice. The slightly raised corners of his lips made me want to touch them with my hand. The moonlight was so bright. With a newfound feeling, I slowly reached out my hand over his shoulder.
“It does remind me of the old days.”
Pat, pat, there was awkwardness in the hand patting his shoulder. How long had it been since we lay like this? When we were young, we used to put each other to sleep, but we couldn’t do that after puberty. One day, Choi Tae-gyeom pushed me away, saying he was more comfortable sleeping alone. I was very sad back then.
“Good night, Lee Yoon-woo.”
Choi Tae-gyeom said that and made even, regular breathing sounds. He must have been holding back his sleepiness until now, as he became quiet right away. Once, twice, I patted Choi Tae-gyeom’s shoulder and greeted him in a small voice.
“You too.”
Looking at him asleep, old memories came to mind. Choi Tae-gyeom sleeping soundly and me patting him. Choi Tae-gyeom tended to fall asleep as soon as he closed his eyes, and I watched him like that many times.
How could he be so perfect? Below his neatly arranged eyebrows were his beautifully closed eyes. His sharp nose and sleek jawline were also neat. His face had become more defined now, but if you looked closely, you could still see his pretty appearance from when he was young. For example, his plump lips and clear cheeks.
“Choi Tae-gyeom.”
I think I knew what he was thinking when he asked me to put him to sleep. Just as I missed him, he must have missed me too, and he expressed the accumulated longing in this way while drunk. But even so, it was definitely different from my selfish thoughts.
What was I thinking, looking at him like this? Alpha pheromones this, one blanket that. The person in question, Choi Tae-gyeom, fell asleep as soon as he lay down.
“Are you asleep?”
I asked in a small voice. It wasn’t so much that I was curious if he was really asleep, but to get confirmation that he was.
He always fell asleep quickly, and he had drunk tonight, so he must be deeply asleep by now. It wasn’t my style to talk to someone who was asleep, but there was something I really wanted to say today.
“Hey, Tae-gyeom.”
I slowly closed my eyes. My heart beat irregularly at the pheromones in the air.
After being revealed as an Omega, I liked the fact that I could feel his pheromones. The soft and subtle pheromones made my heart swell when I just felt them.
“I got a confession.”
I wanted to tell Choi Tae-gyeom from the moment I received the confession. That he was right, that Kim Do-hyun was interested in me. I’m sorry for doubting what you said.
“Kim Do-hyun likes me.”
Lightly, he asked me to meet him.
But I couldn’t tell him that when he was sober. I couldn’t even confess my own feelings, so wasn’t it strange to talk about someone else’s feelings? I wasn’t shameless enough to casually say, “You were right.”
“But I rejected him.”
The tip of my tongue was sore. I wanted to say this one thing, and my throat had been tickling all along. I wanted to express that I liked you along with the word “rejected.” The emotions that I hadn’t been able to cut off were slowly, little by little, flowing out.
“Because, you said it before.”
It couldn’t be more ridiculous. Choi Tae-gyeom was fast asleep, and I was just talking to myself.
“Saying you have someone you like is the most effective.”
Before I knew it, the hand that had been patting Choi Tae-gyeom had stopped. Because I was closing my eyes, sleepiness was slowly creeping in. The voice that had been continuing to speak also kept trailing off.
“So I said that.”
Suddenly, I wanted to see Choi Tae-gyeom. Even though I knew he was right in front of me, I wanted to see him with my own eyes. If I saw him sleeping soundly, I thought I could fall asleep happily too. If I added a short, stolen kiss, wouldn’t it really be the best day?
“But…”
But the moment I lifted my eyelids, I had no choice but to close my mouth without finishing my sentence.
The quiet surroundings, the moonlight seeping through the window, and Choi Tae-gyeom, who should have been fast asleep.
“…But, he told me to think about it slowly?”
Choi Tae-gyeom, who I thought was asleep, was looking at me with his eyes open.
“You…”
I was so flustered that no sound came out. I thought he was asleep. He had his eyes closed, and I heard regular breathing. But he had a clear face as if he had never fallen asleep. Even the drunkenness he had shown until now had disappeared without a trace.
“You, you weren’t asleep?”
This was all I could say. My heart was pounding, so I stopped moving with one hand still on Choi Tae-gyeom’s shoulder. Choi Tae-gyeom slowly blinked his eyes and answered quietly.
“I woke up.”
His voice was low. So low that it sounded like he was angry. Feeling uneasy for no reason, I withdrew my hand from his shoulder, and his gaze followed the tip of my hand.
“Sorry. I guess I woke you up by talking.”
I never thought he would wake up. I had slept with him countless times, but it was the first time Choi Tae-gyeom had woken up. He always fell asleep faster and deeper than me. He had never woken up even when I touched his cheek or stroked his hair.
“Go back to sleep.”
Pat, pat, I patted his shoulder, but Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t close his eyes. He just slowly blinked his eyes, releasing scary pheromones. Was he angry? I frowned at the thought, but Choi Tae-gyeom covered his eyes with one hand.
“Kim Do-hyun…”
A suppressed voice leaked out from between his lips. Inappropriately, the low, echoing voice was quite lewd. Choi Tae-gyeom sighed for a moment and then opened his mouth in a slightly softened voice.
“He confessed to you, you said.”
The hand covering his eyes was frustrating. I wanted to see his eyes and check his expression, but other than the pheromones I felt on my skin, I had no way of knowing his emotions. So I couldn’t tell if it was anger, bewilderment, or surprise.
“He’s just interested in me.”
No. At least it wouldn’t be anger. There was no reason for Choi Tae-gyeom to be angry at Kim Do-hyun’s confession. “Anger” is a reaction that comes out when one’s emotions are attacked, and this had nothing to do with him. Unless he felt simple displeasure at the fact that I had pheromones on me.
“At the bar?”
“In the smoking room.”
Yes. I knew it clearly, but I had a hopeful feeling. His slightly furrowed brow and tightly closed lips made him look really angry. So even though I knew it wasn’t, I had expectations.
“It wasn’t a very serious thing to say.”
The emotion Choi Tae-gyeom was showing was definitely a kind of anger. I, who had been watching him for a long time, could tell. The way his gaze sank and the way he pressed his lips together was the expression he made when he didn’t like something. When something didn’t go his way, when someone made a big mistake, or when a planned event went wrong. Which of the three was it now?
Maybe he’s jealous.
The thought that suddenly came to mind quickly took root in one corner of my heart.
In fact, there were many strange things. Was there a reason for such rough pheromones to come out when a friend said he had received a confession? What was the reason for raising his eyebrows and making a dissatisfied expression? What was the story he wanted to tell me, carefully choosing his words?
I knew it was an absurd expectation. Just like I was disappointed last time, I would be disappointed again this time. Choi Tae-gyeom simply disliked Kim Do-hyun, and the emotions he was showing now were an extension of those things. It was better to withdraw my expectations and realize where I stood now.
But the swelling expectations were endlessly expanding their territory. What will he say? Will he get angry that I didn’t avoid Kim Do-hyun, or will he argue that he wasn’t right? Or will he be upset by the fact that he likes me?
“He, confessed…”
The pheromones surrounding me subsided. Thump, thump, my heartbeat reacted to his pheromones. It wasn’t the blatant desire like before. A little tension and anxiety. And a slight expectation. Of course, there was also some physiological excitement.
“…Yeah.”
However, that expectation was only temporary.
Once, twice. Every time Choi Tae-gyeom blinked, the emotions that had been filling up slowly subsided. Instead of saying anything, he took a breath and slowly scattered his pheromones.
“Let’s sleep for now.”
And in the blink of an eye, he wore an indifferent expression. The emotions that had been surging vanished as soon as he opened and closed his eyes. The anticipation that had been swelling endlessly snapped.
“……”
Emptiness quickly filled the void. Like the anticipation that had swelled in a fleeting moment, the empty space was now filled with a different emotion. Choi Tae-gyeom carefully covered me with the blanket, but I didn’t even want to like his gesture.
“……Is that all?”
Abruptly, an emotion I couldn’t quite suppress burst out. Disbelief, bewilderment, and a self-pity too bitter to bear.
“What?”
Choi Tae-gyeom asked back nonchalantly. He looked as if he would fall asleep any second, his eyes closed quietly as before. I choked back the rising injustice, trying to pretend it didn’t matter as I continued.
“I’m telling you I got a confession, and that’s all the reaction I get?”
I didn’t even see half of the emotions that had been rising. Not anger, not bewilderment, not surprise. It wasn’t like I was telling him to get a reaction in the first place, but after seeing his reaction, I wanted to be validated. What were the emotions he had shown a moment ago, and where and how did they originate? He hadn’t shown me even half of it.
“Then what do you want me to say?”
Choi Tae-gyeom replied without opening his eyes. The faintly scattered pheromone slowly faded. Now, only a slight trace remained.
“You got a confession, and you rejected them. What am I supposed to say to you?”
He wasn’t wrong. It was reasonable, logical, and I had expected him to say that too. Yes, until just a moment ago.
“We’re friends, so isn’t it a bit much to care about things like that?”
My mind went blank. Those were the words I had said to him a few days ago. We’re friends, so isn’t it a bit much to care about things like that, just as you said. I had said it out of spite, and I regretted it after saying it. I even remember being anxious that he would really lose interest in me.
“Then you.”
But if that was the case, he should have ignored it from the start. When I continued with my one-sided confession, he should have kept his eyes closed, pretending not to hear.
“Because we’re friends.”
I was angry. At myself, and at Choi Tae-gyeom. I know I shouldn’t expect anything in return when I’m the one who built up expectations on my own. I know I shouldn’t try to force out emotions that he won’t show. But the emotions that had been steadily blooming were foolish, and the ignorant guy was consistently cruel.
“You wouldn’t care if I dated someone else, then.”
Choi Tae-gyeom opened his eyes as soon as I finished speaking. The brief moment his eyelids opened felt like an eternity. Beyond the thin eyelids, his dark eyes looked directly at me.
“……”
I thought he would say ‘yes.’ I thought he would give an indifferent affirmative answer, just like he had said a moment ago. So I had half given up and composed myself.
But Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t say anything for a long time. He just stared at me silently, his expression frozen. Before I knew it, his pheromone was slowly mixing into the air.
“……Lee Yoon-woo.”
Why? There was no need to answer. It was because Choi Tae-gyeom placed his hand on my cheek at the same time as he uttered those words. As if handling a fragile object, his thumb gently rubbed my cheek.
“Close your eyes.”
There was an irresistible force in Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice. Even though I knew it wasn’t the right situation, I closed my eyes as if possessed.
“……”
My heart felt like it was going to burst. His pheromone, and his gentle touch. It gave me a different kind of anticipation than before. It was like the subtle tension before lips meet.
Could it be?
My eyelids fluttered. Even the breaths I barely managed to exhale were gradually losing composure. Even though my eyes were closed, I could tell that Choi Tae-gyeom was getting closer. Little by little. His breath grew closer along with his pheromone.
Without a doubt, I thought our lips would touch. I’ve never kissed anyone before, but this was a clear sign that he was going to kiss me. The careful touch, Choi Tae-gyeom getting closer, and the subtle pheromone. Yes, it was absurd, but it was true.
“……”
He stopped moving in a split second. When I carefully opened my eyes, I saw Choi Tae-gyeom gently closing his eyes. He inhaled, then pressed his forehead against mine and patted my shoulder.
“Don’t say weird things and go to sleep.”
“……”
The string of tension snapped. My shoulders, which had been tense, relaxed. I had tensed up so much that I felt a tingling stiffness along my spine.
“Good boy.”
Choi Tae-gyeom whispered gently. But even if he said that, there was no way I could fall asleep. His face was close, his breath was touching me, and his pheromone was spreading through the air. Besides, I had imagined kissing him a moment ago, so there was a subtle change in my lower body.
“Sleep, sleep.”
Unlike me. Choi Tae-gyeom patted me without widening the distance. His nonchalant touch was similar to how I used to put him to sleep. I stared at him with a dumbfounded look, but all I got in return was even breathing.
“……Are you asleep?”
I really, just in case, asked. Not to get confirmation that he was asleep, but because I wanted to ask, ‘You’re not asleep, are you?’ I wanted to hear the answer, ‘No, I’m not asleep.’
“……”
Of course, Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t answer. The hand that had been patting my shoulder had stopped at some point.
To make someone’s heart flutter like this and then fall asleep so comfortably. His soft breathing, and his eyelids that didn’t even twitch. All of it was absurd.
To make matters worse, he fell asleep without suppressing the pheromone that was gushing out. I guess Choi Tae-gyeom was an Alpha who leaked pheromones even while sleeping. The dense pheromone filled the bed.
That night was an eternity. The person I liked was in front of me, and my heart kept fluttering. Choi Tae-gyeom, who had come close as if to kiss me, kept lingering in my mind.
In the end, I spent the whole night trying to fall asleep in Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone.
The night, which seemed like it would never end, eventually came to an end. The wildly excited mood, the desires that kept rising, all snapped without me even realizing it.
Was it thanks to forcing my eyes closed? Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.
In my dream, I encountered a young Choi Tae-gyeom. He was fast asleep with both fists clenched tightly, and I looked at his face with a fresh feeling. His long eyelashes and pale cheeks were like a carefully crafted doll.
There was a reason why people were crazy about Choi Tae-gyeom. His delicate features, small frame, and soft hair. Unlike other children, his unique appearance was something that even I, who had seen him since birth, couldn’t get used to. How could I get used to it when it was new every day, every time I saw him?
So sometimes, I was amazed when I saw Choi Tae-gyeom. Because he was so pretty. Small, precious, and fragile. Even though he was breathing, I couldn’t believe he was a living person. It was also surprising that he occasionally said mean things with those rosy lips.
I carefully reached out and touched Choi Tae-gyeom’s cheek. The soft and supple texture was felt through my fingers. As I gently rubbed around his cheek, I wanted to touch his red lips this time.
There was no reason to hesitate. This was a dream, and he was fast asleep. Besides, Choi Tae-gyeom in those days didn’t really care how I touched him. So even if I touched his lips instead of his cheeks, or rubbed around his neck instead of his lips, he wouldn’t mind at all.
As soon as the conclusion was reached, I moved my hand to his lower lip. Then, I felt an even softer texture this time. The warmth conveyed to my fingertips was also slightly different from before.
Choi Tae-gyeom.
The quiet call didn’t come out as a sound. However, it seemed to have been conveyed to him in some way. As soon as I called his name, he slowly opened his eyes.
In the fleeting moment our eyes met, Choi Tae-gyeom became an adult. His frame grew, and his round chin became sharp. Choi Tae-gyeom, who grew up every time I blinked, changed into the face I knew well on the last third blink.
“……Lee Yoon-woo.”
My heart beat faster. It wasn’t like I was seeing his face for the first time, but my breath caught in my throat when our eyes met. His deepened eyes and sharp nose gave me a thrill that I had never felt as a child. It was, of course, an emotion that I couldn’t have for a friend.
“Lee Yoon-woo.”
His name was called again. The moderately low and soft voice was none other than Choi Tae-gyeom’s. When I didn’t answer, his voice was heard once again.
“…Are you asleep?”
I felt a sense of déjà vu. The question I always asked him when he was asleep. Yes, I’m sleeping. I answered inwardly, and Choi Tae-gyeom whispered in a voice that could barely be heard.
“You……”
What? I couldn’t ask that. It was because his pheromone poured out as soon as I was about to say something.
“……What I’m feeling.”
The words were heard intermittently. It was a small voice that couldn’t be heard unless I concentrated, but the content was clearly conveyed. I’m scared you’ll run away. I’m worried that you’ll like someone else, meet someone else, and eventually leave my side. You probably,
“……Will never know.”
The sweet confession was so sweet that it brought tears to my eyes. The stories I had wanted to hear all along. And the emotions that I felt guilty even imagining. It was the same as what I felt for Choi Tae-gyeom, and it was never something that Choi Tae-gyeom would have.
If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up. No, since it’s a dream, I hope I dream it as long as possible.
I like you.
The moment our lips touched was too vivid. Lips that were a little drier than I thought. And a body temperature that was hotter than I thought. To even have a dream like this, I’ve really gone too far. As I was thinking that, something moist and warm tickled the gap between my lips.
“Mmm……”
I unknowingly moaned and moved my lips. I felt a twitching sensation from the touching lips. The other person paused for a moment and pulled his head back, and I smacked my lips with regret. Then, this time a little deeper, our lips met.
Pheromones were overflowing. As if welcoming the action, Omega pheromones were about to come out, but I reflexively suppressed them. Even though it was a dream, the compulsion that I shouldn’t be caught by him suppressed my instincts.
I have to hold back.
The feeling of rubbing around my lips was ticklish. It was soft, warm, and as gentle as if I was being loved. The guy in my dream held my lower lip in his mouth and sucked it slightly, then retreated very slowly.
“……Sleep well.”
The hand patting my chest was gentle. I wanted to kiss him more, but the other person didn’t move as I wanted. The heat left on my lips lingered around my chest.
I felt a warm warmth. Along with it was a hand carefully stroking my hair. I shivered, a cold energy brushed against my neck, and I burrowed into the warm side. At that, the hand stroking my head flinched and stopped.
“……Yoon-woo.”
I was still half asleep. It was definitely my house, but I could hear Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice. Not only his voice, but also his languid pheromone.
If that’s the case, I should have continued with yesterday’s dream. As I was thinking that and curling up again, it was the moment.
“Lee Yoon-woo, wake up.”
His voice was clearer than before. It was hard to believe that it was a dream, and when I realized that, I felt a sense of incongruity in every part.
First of all, there was no one in my house who would stroke my sleeping head. There was nothing that would feel this warm, and there was no reason to feel Alpha pheromones. Above all, Choi Tae-gyeom shouldn’t be here to wake me up.
“How long are you going to sleep?”
But the voice I was hearing now was definitely Choi Tae-gyeom’s. It was a little lower because it was morning, but it was definitely him. What the hell is going on?
“……”
Slowly, I lifted my eyelids. I blinked my eyes, which were stiff from the morning, a few times, and my vision gradually became clear. Beyond the clear vision, I saw Choi Tae-gyeom looking down at me. He stared at my eyes and asked gently.
“Are you awake?”
It didn’t feel real. Choi Tae-gyeom with his clean face overlapped with Choi Tae-gyeom in my dream. His messy hair and sleepy eyes were different, but his overall clean impression was the same. He looked more like someone who had stayed up all night than someone who had just woken up.
“Early……”
My voice sank. I was embarrassed by my dry voice, so I cleared my throat and coughed to clear my throat. The end of my voice was still slightly cracked.
“You’re up early.”
Yes, now that I think about it, I brought Choi Tae-gyeom back. I kept expecting and being disappointed on my own, and finally fell asleep in Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone. Choi Tae-gyeom appeared in my dream, the young Choi Tae-gyeom slowly grew up, and, and……
The thoughts that followed one after another finally brought back the embarrassing sensations. The soft lips and the ticklish feeling. And even the vivid pheromones. Even the desire-filled wish that I wanted more came to mind, so I awkwardly lowered my eyes and avoided Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze.
“Early my ass.”
Choi Tae-gyeom chuckled and touched my head. The hand that swept back my hair was incredibly delicate. And he tilted his head and continued.
“Come out if you’re awake.”
Come out? I blinked, and our eyes met. A playful smile was on his lips.
“I know my arm is good to sleep on.”
“……!”
As soon as he finished speaking, I came to my senses. It was only then that I realized I was sleeping on his arm. Choi Tae-gyeom had lent me his left arm and was fixing my hair, and I had burrowed into his arms. No wonder my body was warm even though there was no electric blanket.
“I’m going to the bathroom.”
“……Hey, just pull it out.”
I awkwardly got up and got out of Choi Tae-gyeom’s arms. He stretched his shoulders a few times as if his arm was stiff, and frowned as he got up.
“How can I do that when you’re sleeping? I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t wake up.”
My head was complicated from the morning. The fact that I was in his arms made me feel uneasy. Choi Tae-gyeom hugs me when he’s drunk, and I hug him when I’m asleep. I’m okay because I like him, but is Choi Tae-gyeom really okay with it?
“Anyway, once you fall asleep, you won’t even know if someone carries you away.”
No, he seemed okay, judging by the way he was talking so nonchalantly.
“Are you one to talk.”
Choi Tae-gyeom got up from his seat and headed to the bathroom without hearing my words. Would it be my imagination if his back as he headed to the bathroom seemed a bit awkward? Yes, he must have been in a hurry and held it in for a long time because of me.
“……Haa.”
A thin sigh escaped. I couldn’t fall asleep. I fell fast asleep without even knowing that I was using his arm as a pillow. If I had known, I would have woken up earlier and pretended to sleep a little longer, but I felt a sense of regret when I came to my senses. When else would I be able to sleep in Choi Tae-gyeom’s arms?
“Crazy bastard……”
As I sat there blankly, the things that had happened last night came to mind one by one. Choi Tae-gyeom who was drunk, Choi Tae-gyeom who asked me to put him to sleep, Choi Tae-gyeom who I thought was asleep but was actually awake, Choi Tae-gyeom who brought his face close as if to kiss me. I’m already full of energy because it’s morning, so why is everything that comes to mind full of landmines?
Beep―
The vibration that interrupted my lewd thoughts came from somewhere. I shook my head blankly and brought the phone that was placed on my pillow. A number I had never seen before was on the screen.
Who is it? There was no need to hesitate whether to answer or not. As soon as the vibration stopped, the same number called again. Judging by the fact that they kept calling even though I didn’t answer, it was clear that they had urgent business.
“Yes, hello.”
Choi Tae-gyeom opened the bathroom door and came out at the same time as I answered the phone. His bangs were a little wet as if he had washed his face. Who is it? Choi Tae-gyeom, who asked with his mouth, wiped his face with a towel. It’s a number I don’t know, so I shook my head. But then I heard a familiar voice over the phone.
―Yoon-woo sunbae?
It was Kim Do-hyun.
“How did you get my number?”
I don’t remember giving him my number. At the freshman welcome party, and at the drinking party, I didn’t give my number to anyone. No, it was right that no one asked in the first place. Park Seong-jae was the only one who talked to me, so who would I have interacted with among them?
―Seong-jae hyung told me.
Kim Do-hyun answered in a calm voice. Since when had he become so close to Park Seong-jae that he was calling him ‘Seong-jae hyung’ so familiarly? Park Seong-jae, that bastard, I can’t let this slide, I muttered, as Choi Tae-gyeom approached, smoothing his wet bangs.
“Park Seong-jae… the big, kind-eyed kid?”
“Pfft.”
I burst out laughing without realizing it. Choi Tae-gyeom’s description was so accurate. Park Seong-jae was big, but his eyes were always sparkling. There was no better way to describe him than to say he had ‘kind eyes.’
“Park Seong-jae does have kind eyes…”
As I chuckled, Choi Tae-gyeom sat next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder. The way he gently rubbed his head against me was incredibly affectionate. I glanced down and saw Choi Tae-gyeom’s round forehead.
—Sunbae?
“Ah, I wasn’t talking to you.”
Should I push his hair back? Or just leave it? If I had reached out without thinking, like usual, it would have been fine, but the dream from last night made me conscious of it. In the end, I could only clench and unclench my fist and look away.
“So, why did you call?”
—Just wondering if you got home okay yesterday.
“I got home fine.”
Choi Tae-gyeom straightened up. He was staring at me intently, clearly curious about who I was talking to. Instead of telling him, I avoided his gaze and asked an awkward question.
“Did you get home okay?”
—Yes, after the sunbaes left yesterday…
Kim Do-hyun said they drank even longer than he thought. There were already many empty bottles when I was there, but by the end, they were practically tripping over them. Park Seong-jae had become completely incoherent and one of the juniors had taken him home. I sighed when I heard that Park Seong-jae had been looking for me while drunk, but I laughed when I heard that Min-jeong-ssi had been perfectly fine on her own.
“You suffered.”
It was at that moment that Choi Tae-gyeom flopped down. He lay down with his head on my thigh, closed his eyes, and buried his face in my lower abdomen. I could feel Choi Tae-gyeom’s breath vividly through the thin t-shirt.
—It was nothing. I was drunk too…
I couldn’t hear what Kim Do-hyun was saying. My skin was getting hot every time Choi Tae-gyeom exhaled, and my back was tense. To make matters worse, Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth and mumbled with his face still buried.
“I’m hungry.”
If he was any closer, I would feel his lips touching me. No, more than that, my lower body, hidden by my pajama pants, was in danger. I moved the phone away and whispered to Choi Tae-gyeom.
“It tickles, you idiot.”
He grumbled but obediently looked up and lay down. The problem was that as soon as he turned his body, he opened his eyes and looked at me. Slowly, he lifted his eyelids and reached out to fix my bangs.
“Your hair’s grown a lot.”
The hair brushing against my eyes tickled. I wanted to act spoiled by the casual touch. Whenever he reached out so nonchalantly, an overwhelming excitement filled my throat.
—Sunbae, are you listening?
“Uh…? Uh-huh. I’m listening.”
Actually, I hadn’t heard a thing. I was so captivated by his faintly smiling face that my mind went blank. I wanted to lean down and devour his red lips. I also wanted to smooth his silky hair and caress his beautiful face. His eyes, nose, and mouth were all so pretty that I didn’t want to waste even a moment blinking.
Choi Tae-gyeom slowly blinked and withdrew his hand. Our gazes met in the air, leaving a subtle sensation as they intertwined. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t fully awake yet, but I thought I could sense a similar kind of desire in his eyes.
The tension was broken by low voices from both sides.
“But you.”
—Sunbae, by any chance…
Kim Do-hyun hesitated slightly before speaking. Something seemed to have occurred to him from my clumsy answer. Choi Tae-gyeom seemed to feel the same way, as he frowned and spoke in a prickly voice.
“Is that Kim Do-hyun?”
—Is Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae there with you?
I couldn’t say anything for a moment. I couldn’t figure out which one to answer first. First, I made eye contact with Choi Tae-gyeom and answered Kim Do-hyun.
“Yeah, he’s here.”
—Ah…
It occurred to me again. The thought that Choi Tae-gyeom wouldn’t care whether it was Kim Do-hyun or not. Even if he knew it was a call from Kim Do-hyun, Choi Tae-gyeom wouldn’t react at all. And that would leave another scar on me.
“Yeah, it’s Kim Do-hyun.”
“….”
As expected, Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t react at all. He simply raised his eyebrows and snorted lightly. The pheromone overflowing seemed to be because the other person was ‘Kim Do-hyun.’
—I think I interrupted something.
“It’s not like that…”
The elated feeling subsided. The tingling desire that had been rising up was extinguished as if cold water had been poured on it. Choi Tae-gyeom was staring at me intently, but I didn’t feel like meeting his gaze.
—Actually… I was worried because you went with Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae. That’s why I called.
“What were you worried about?”
I casually asked back and patted Choi Tae-gyeom’s shoulder. Get up, I mouthed, and he narrowed his eyes and got up.
—Well, you were really drunk. I was just wondering if everything was okay.
Hang up? Choi Tae-gyeom nodded. It was about time to end the call, as he said. Choi Tae-gyeom said he was hungry, and I had nothing more to say.
“You worry about everything.”
But unlike what I thought, I couldn’t bring myself to say I should hang up. It was just a simple stubbornness. Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t care, so why should I bother being considerate of him?
—Of course I’m worried.
Kim Do-hyun replied calmly. Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze pricked at my cheek. I could still hear the soft, gentle tone from the other end of the phone.
—I mean, you took a drunk Alpha with you. Of course I’d be worried.
Choi Tae-gyeom said he didn’t care, but Kim Do-hyun said he was worried. I knew it was a bad comparison, but I couldn’t help feeling bitter. What would it be like if their feelings were reversed? The meaningless assumption was sweet.
—I told you, I’m interested in sunbae.
My head throbbed. A slight sense of guilt and self-loathing washed over me.
It was only yesterday that I had heard Kim Do-hyun say he wanted to meet up casually. But in just one day, I was talking to him without any pressure. Even the childish desire to provoke Choi Tae-gyeom was mixed in.
“Nothing happened.”
The word ‘burdensome’ rose to the tip of my tongue. I couldn’t bring myself to say it, as a slight apology to Kim Do-hyun. It was like I was stubbornly trying to get rice cakes when the person who was supposed to give them wasn’t even thinking about it.
“I’m hanging up if you don’t have anything else to say.”
—Sun…
I didn’t intend to listen any longer. I hung up the phone before Kim Do-hyun could say anything. I knew it wasn’t polite, but it wasn’t polite to ask someone else for someone’s number either.
“Why did he call?”
“He asked if I got home okay yesterday.”
I was just thinking of having a cigarette. I was in a bad mood, and Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were everywhere. I felt like I needed to go to the convenience store to get some fresh air.
“Is there anything you want to eat? I’ll go out and buy it.”
“Is that all?”
“What?”
I noticed now that Choi Tae-gyeom had a dissatisfied expression on his face. He grabbed me as I was about to get out of bed and made me sit back down. As soon as I plopped down, he opened his mouth as if he was interrogating me.
“Is that all he said on the phone?”
“Then what else would he say?”
The conversation from last night came to mind. Choi Tae-gyeom had shown a bland reaction to the confession. And the empty feeling I had felt.
“He said he was worried because you were really drunk.”
My lips moved on their own. I hadn’t intended to say this, but the words flowed out in a rush of emotion.
“He said, ‘Nothing happened, right? I took a drunk Alpha with me, of course I’d be worried.’”
Choi Tae-gyeom listened to me with his lips tightly shut. The hand that had been holding my arm slid down. I looked down at Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand and playfully tugged at the corners of my mouth.
“Isn’t it funny? Like anything would happen.”
I realized I was rambling. I hadn’t intended to say all this, but once the words came out, they didn’t stop easily. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression Choi Tae-gyeom was making. So, without realizing it, I ended up saying something I shouldn’t have.
“Well, unless I was an Omega.”
I could feel the pheromones. I looked at Choi Tae-gyeom, and his expression was stiff. I felt crushed by the suffocatingly heavy pheromones.
“Don’t say that.”
His cold voice pierced my heart. His clear eyes were filled with sharp energy. Choi Tae-gyeom spoke in a cold tone.
“You can’t be an Omega.”
It was an already predetermined ending. Choi Tae-gyeom’s Omega hatred was too deeply rooted to be pulled out. If he was like this just from hearing the word Omega, what would he do if he heard that I was an Omega?
“Right, I can’t be an Omega.”
I tried to reply calmly and got up. I knew I would be hurt, so why did I say something unnecessary? If I had held back my anger a little, I would have had a better day.
“If Lee Yoon-woo, you, were an Omega.”
The words Choi Tae-gyeom was about to say were obvious. He would say we couldn’t even be friends. Or that he wouldn’t be able to see me anymore. Or that he might start to hate me. I didn’t want to hear any more of it, and I didn’t want to pick at the wound that had already been opened.
“I understand…”
I hardened my expression to mean he shouldn’t say any more. I understand, that’s enough. It would be over if I said those short words. But Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t stop talking, and added in a slightly annoyed tone.
“That bastard would hit on you even more.”
“…Huh?”
For a moment, I didn’t understand what he was saying. My head was dazed, as if I had been hit in the back of the head. That bas… what?
“He’s an Alpha, after all.”
Choi Tae-gyeom crossed his legs and swept back his hair. His slightly crooked mouth was full of dissatisfaction. He tapped the edge of the bed with his long index finger and gritted his teeth.
“You’re a Beta and he’s already like that, it would be even worse if you were an Omega.”
Bewilderment washed over me. The unexpected words were accompanied by embarrassment and a sense of futility. So, the reason why I couldn’t be an Omega was ‘because Kim Do-hyun would hit on me’?
“You don’t care…”
You said you didn’t care, right?
The rest of the words disappeared down my throat. I barely managed to pull down the corners of my mouth, which were trying to curl up.
There was no ‘Kim Do-hyun’ on the list of reasons why I couldn’t be an Omega. Because Choi Tae-gyeom hated it, because I couldn’t be friends with Choi Tae-gyeom, because I might become aroused by a Dominant Alpha’s pheromones.
Choi Tae-gyeom, Choi Tae-gyeom. And again, Choi Tae-gyeom.
At least for me, all the reasons were Choi Tae-gyeom. The reason I pretended to be a Beta was all because of Choi Tae-gyeom. Of course, I didn’t expect him to bring up someone else’s type.
“I’m glad you’re not an Omega…”
It was a disappointing thing to say, but this time I didn’t feel like I was falling. I was just waiting for the words that would follow with a slightly bitter feeling. Choi Tae-gyeom sighed and ran a hand over his face, his eyelashes fluttering.
“Who knows what he’d do with Alpha pheromones.”
It was at that moment that all the strength drained from my body. That expression. That voice. And the eyes staring into space. A subtle sense of déjà vu seeped along my fingertips. Could it be? No, of course. One thought that suddenly came to mind struck me hard.
“Choi Tae-gyeom.”
“What?”
I approached Choi Tae-gyeom without hesitation and stroked the back of his head. He raised his eyebrows and looked up, blinking slowly. The sunken shadows and slightly twisted lips revealed his true feelings.
“….”
Why hadn’t I noticed until now? Why did I think it had dulled because time had passed? Memories that had sunk would eventually resurface. I thought it had disappeared because he didn’t show it.
“Come here.”
Choi Tae-gyeom reached out without a word. He wrapped his arms around my waist like a child and buried his face near my sternum. The way he was nestled in my arms made him seem very small.
“I’m sorry.”
It was a random apology. But Choi Tae-gyeom seemed to understand well enough. The sigh that had risen to the tip of his chin shattered inside his mouth. His pheromones filled the surrounding area in waves.
“I didn’t think about it.”
I knew about Choi Tae-gyeom’s trauma. I knew it, but I didn’t realize it. What kind of feelings he had when he told me to stay away from Kim Do-hyun, what kind of feelings he had when he said he wouldn’t care.
“I won’t say the word Omega.”
Choi Tae-gyeom probably thought of the Omegas who had hit on him in the past. Kim Do-hyun had marked me with pheromones, confessed that he liked me, and hadn’t given up even after I rejected him. If I added the assumption of ‘what if I were an Omega,’ it was only a matter of time before he connected me to his past self.
“I’m sorry.”
I thought of the words I had said so far. The harsh words I had said after endlessly expecting and being disappointed as much as I had expected. The mistakes I had made that Choi Tae-gyeom, who was sensitive to the act of marking with pheromones, would have suffered alone.
‘…There’s no need to do that.’
‘I can’t feel it anyway, so why bother.’
‘Then let him mark me with pheromones for the rest of his life.’
I was being childish. I thought of Choi Tae-gyeom’s trauma when I was controlling my desires, but when he brought it up, I covered it up with other reasons. Expectation, disappointment, jealousy, they were all emotions from different areas, but I tied them up with cheap affection.
“You don’t need to apologize.”
Choi Tae-gyeom mumbled in a small voice. Alpha pheromones were mixed in with his deep breath. He seemed to feel a little better, as he was quietly nestled in my arms.
“Just don’t meet Kim Do-hyun.”
His grumbling voice was cute. I gently stroked the top of his head, and his thin hair tangled between my fingers. I wanted to kiss him there, but I stopped myself because I wasn’t confident that I wouldn’t mix in any selfish desires.
“I wasn’t planning on meeting him.”
Everything I had said to Kim Do-hyun was sincere. I liked Choi Tae-gyeom, and I didn’t know how to do casual dating. I had no intention of getting to know him gradually, and I had no intention of seriously considering his confession. Besides, Kim Do-hyun was too young to be a dating partner.
“Keep that promise.”
Pheromones gradually seeped in. He hugged me a little tighter and rubbed his face against my chest. His warm breath tickled.
“And don’t worry me.”
Choi Tae-gyeom said in a voice that was barely audible. What do you mean, worry? Who was the one who was forlornly nestled in my arms right now? I snorted and replied nonchalantly.
“Why would I worry?”
To be honest, it would be a lie to say that I didn’t have any expectations. I thought that even if he hated Omegas, it would be okay if it was me. I even had the arrogance that he would never be able to abandon me even if he knew I was an Omega. That small thought gave me the urge to confess that I was an Omega.
“I’m a Beta, after all.”
But I was glad I didn’t. If Choi Tae-gyeom knew that I was an Omega, he wouldn’t hug me like this. He wouldn’t be able to comfortably release his pheromones in front of me, and he wouldn’t be able to rely on me as much. Maybe he would gradually distance himself, saying that Omegas were Omegas.
“I can’t feel pheromones anyway.”
So, this was the best comfort I could offer. The best empathy, the best consolation, and the best answer. As long as he relied on me and worried about me, it was the last shackle that he could never shake off.
My mouth was bitter. My chest felt hot, as if it was burning from the inside out. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were everywhere, but I couldn’t even enjoy them to my heart’s content. All I could do was hide my feelings of affection along with the pheromones.
Well, it wasn’t so bad. I could just take out the hidden emotions and look at them on my own from time to time. If Choi Tae-gyeom wanted, I could stay a Beta.
Choi Tae-gyeom ate brunch and left right away. He had received calls from the friends he hadn’t been able to meet yesterday. He showed that he was annoyed once while eating breakfast and once while changing clothes, but in the end, he left the house after receiving a phone call.
The house he had left behind was filled with pheromones. From the bed to the bathroom, the clothes, and the entire room. It wasn’t usually like this, but he must have felt comfortable releasing his pheromones, thinking he was at home.
I guess I don’t need to ventilate.
I lay in bed and reached for the clothes placed beside me. Choi Tae-gyeom had neatly folded them after taking them off. I buried my face in the fabric, inhaling deeply, and pheromones mingled with my breath.
“Whose clothes are these?”
“Park Seong-jae’s. Why?”
“No, it’s just the size… I thought they’d be too big for you.”
My whole body melted languidly. My head throbbed with every breath. My lower abdomen tensed, and I felt like my body would react in a flash.
“…He must have come home?”
My thighs twisted together. Why did I think he was displeased back then? Was he uncomfortable with me wearing someone else’s clothes, or was he bothered that I wore them without permission? Would it be strange if I felt good just knowing he cared about either reason?
“He stopped by for a bit. I washed them to return them, but he told me to just wear them and lend them to you.”
“You don’t like people coming to your place.”
I also liked that Choi Tae-gyeom looked disgruntled when he said that. It wasn’t something he should be saying after asking to stay over for just one night, and he seemed to know it too, as he turned his head away awkwardly, which was cute.
“It depends on the person, I guess.”
As Choi Tae-gyeom said, I didn’t like anyone intruding on my space. Only my own space, my sanctuary. Choi Tae-gyeom was the only one who could cross that line.
There was an unavoidable reason for bringing Park Seong-jae over. I spilled a drink on his clothes, so I brought him over to lend him some clothes. Of course, it was only for a very brief moment.
“You’re the first to sleep over.”
You’re different from the others. I don’t know if that message got across properly. Well, judging by his unchanging expression, he probably didn’t notice. Or even if he did, he probably wouldn’t care much.
“Hoo.”
My thoughts were fragmented. Not feeling pheromones, my ass. I never dreamed I’d do something crazy like getting turned on by someone else’s clothes. Just as I’m not an average recessive, Choi Tae-gyeom isn’t an average dominant Alpha. I overlooked that fact too much.
My lower abdomen tingled. My already swollen lower body was uselessly showing its presence. It was similar to when he had poured his pheromones on me last time. Back then, I at least tried to restrain myself, but now I didn’t even feel like restraining myself.
I endured it for one night. I endured it for over 12 hours, feeling his pheromones and relying solely on reason. It would have been impossible if I weren’t a recessive Omega.
Why do I have to endure it?
As soon as the thought reached me, my hand moved. The clothes Choi Tae-gyeom wore were his pheromones themselves, so as I hugged them, the remnants of his pheromones permeated through my breath and skin.
“Hiss…”
I felt like I was in heat. Every single cell in my body was running wild, and my heart was pounding in response. My already erect member was already wetting the area around my underwear, and my backside, which I had never touched, was also becoming damp.
They say the first time is always the hardest.
As soon as I grabbed my shaft, my mind went blank. Guilt, self-loathing, everything became a stepping stone to thinking about Choi Tae-gyeom.
It felt like I was being held in Choi Tae-gyeom’s arms. Lost in a hazy pheromone, it felt like he was touching my erect member. His long fingers wrapped around my shaft, carefully stroking my glans. His hands, which were a size bigger than mine, would feel different when holding my member.
I wasn’t this horny before… The inappropriate question quickly disappeared. The pheromones that had seeped into my deepest regions held me tightly and wouldn’t let go. I moved my hand a little faster, and soon the sensation of climax washed over me. A cozy sensation filled my stomach.