(3) Contradiction

Unrequited love is an emotion full of contradictions. Even after deciding to give up, you dream of a future with the other person, or you want them to know your feelings without confessing, or you hate them but can never truly dislike them.

This morning, my spending two hours getting ready to go out, after tossing and turning all night, was also an extension of these emotions. Despite declaring that I would give up on Choi Tae-gyeom, I meticulously styled my hair and rummaged through my closet. In between, I thought it was all useless, but the gloom was quickly erased by other emotions.

The fact that he had no chance of liking me, the fact that I had decided to give up on him. Excluding all of that, the rising anticipation was the same as when I was nineteen, before I became aware of my feelings and before I saw Choi Tae-gyeom. Ignoring all other facts, I was simply thrilled by the fact that I could see him.

“Now, for this part, the error can be occurred in the…….”

What lecture is Choi Tae-gyeom taking? The question that popped up during my major class quickly branched out. His posture when sitting in a chair, his habits when taking notes, his occasional dozing off, and even the slight furrowing of his brow when the content was difficult.

He’s probably listening to the class with his chin resting on one hand. His lowered eyes will have long eyelashes casting shadows, and his well-shaped lips will be tightly closed. I remembered the profile I used to steal glances at. His smooth nose and sharp jawline were like a painting, and when the sunlight fell on them, I would forget to listen to the class and just admire Choi Tae-gyeom.

‘Don’t look at me, concentrate.’

Strangely enough, Choi Tae-gyeom was incredibly good at noticing when I was looking at him. The proof was that he would nag me softly without even looking at me. Of course, I didn’t avert my gaze, and I rested my chin in the same position as Choi Tae-gyeom. If I stayed like that for about five seconds, he would look at me and smile as if he couldn’t help it.

I wish we were in the same department…

We could make a timetable together and sit side by side in the PC room to register for classes. During breaks, we could go to the library and then spontaneously decide to skip class. We would be together for club sign-ups, freshman orientation, MTs, and festivals. Just like before, we would share every move.

If I didn’t like him, or if I hadn’t presented as an Omega, would there have been even a slight chance? If I hadn’t avoided him back then, would I have been able to go to the same department as him and still remain his closest friend?

No, in the end, all of this was regret. It was painful because it was impossible, and because it was painful, I didn’t give up. The result of not being able to be cold-hearted was being in the same school, and the last line of defense I put up was being in a different department. After trying for five years and still not letting go, hoping that there would be at least one overlapping lecture was too much of a contradiction.

“More important thing is, the noun that could…….”

The moment I became aware, the senses I had been putting off came back to me. Longing is learned. The emptiness and futility I would feel after parting with him. The emotions that kept me up last night came back to me again. It probably wouldn’t disappear until I met Choi Tae-gyeom tomorrow.

If I come to school, I meet Choi Tae-gyeom. The premise that was only happy was actually a double-edged sword.

“Let’s stop here for today.”

Thud, the sound of a book being put down was heard. Reflexively, I checked the time, and it was already time for the lecture to end. I looked at the teaching assistant erasing the board once, and then at the empty notebook once, before letting out a small sigh. The words ‘Choi Tae-gyeom’ were written small in the notebook.

“…I missed the whole class.”

Hoo, a sigh escaped. It was all because I ran into Choi Tae-gyeom after five years. I applied for all English-related electives to avoid him, but how could the freshman orientation venue overlap with the Department of Business Administration? All the things that were disguised as coincidences were collapsing due to real coincidences.

To be honest, I was very happy last night that I met him. I couldn’t calm my fluttering heart all night and stayed up late, and I saw Choi Tae-gyeom’s face every time I dozed off. I was actually a little excited at the thought that we could hang out like before.

But looking back, this wasn’t all good. Why did I avoid him for five years? Wasn’t it to give up my feelings and remain friends? But I ran into him without even sorting out my feelings.

I wish I hadn’t seen him at all. Now that I had met him, it was irreversible. Now that I realized I wanted to see him, I no longer had the courage to turn away from him again.

While I was lost in thought, most of the students had left the lecture hall. I had to go to lunch too, but my listless body had no strength. My mood was going up and down like a roller coaster, and I was out of my mind.

“Yoon-woo sunbae.”

It was at that moment that someone tapped me on the shoulder. Startled, I turned my head and saw a face that had become familiar last night.

“…Kim Do-hyun?”

Kim Do-hyun had the same major textbook open as me and was holding a pen. He looked like a student who had listened to the lecture. Moreover, he was right behind me.

I had been listening to the lecture for two hours and didn’t even know that Kim Do-hyun was there.

“Are you taking this class?”

When I asked sullenly, Kim Do-hyun’s face hardened subtly. Then he asked back in a dumbfounded voice.

“I thought you were pretending not to know, but you really didn’t know?”

If I knew, I would have pretended to know. I would have asked if Park Seong-jae got home safe.

“That’s too much. They even called attendance.”

“No, well…”

How many students are taking the class, how can I listen to all their names? I couldn’t hear it in the first place, but even if I heard the name Kim Do-hyun, I wouldn’t have connected it to him.

“You should have pretended to know.”

When I added awkwardly, he shrugged his shoulders and closed his book and notebook. He said that he thought I would turn around at least once, and replied in a friendly manner. I thought that I should borrow his notebook when I get a chance, recalling his notebook full of notes.

“Ah, sunbae.”

At that time, he suddenly raised his head and looked at me. My shoulders seemed to flinch at the gaze that met in the air. Did he find out what I was thinking? Contrary to my worries, Kim Do-hyun brought up a completely different topic.

“What were you thinking about so much during the lecture?”

During the lecture? Kim Do-hyun gestured to my hand with his eyes.

“Sunbae’s hand didn’t move once.”

Ah, he saw that. I felt embarrassed for no reason and covered the notebook with my palm. It wouldn’t hide the empty notebook, but at least it wouldn’t show the scribble of Choi Tae-gyeom. I would be in trouble if he thought I was a sunbae who only messed around during lectures and borrowed notes from hoobaes. (Actually, that wasn’t wrong.)

“I just couldn’t concentrate.”

“Ah.”

It wasn’t a very meaningful question. Kim Do-hyun packed his bag without saying anything. I also organized my desk without any special reply. I didn’t forget to quickly cover the notebook before anyone saw it.

“Sunbae.”

Around the time I finished packing my bag, Kim Do-hyun called me again. When I turned my head instead of answering, I saw sparkling eyes. At that moment, I felt a strange sense of déjà vu and an ominous feeling.

“Who are you having lunch with?”

It was a very familiar question. A question I heard every time new students came in before I returned to school. When hoobaes smiled like that, they always said the same thing. They would ask me to buy them food, or to buy them something delicious. Moreover, Kim Do-hyun had even promised me that I would buy him food last night.

“I don’t really have anyone in particular.”

I frowned as I replied sullenly. I wondered how much he was going to rip me off. As expected, he smiled brightly and opened his mouth.

“Then let’s eat together.”

There were many hoobaes who asked me to buy them food, but most of them came in groups and got it. Usually, they were reluctant to have a meal with a sunbae alone, and I wasn’t a very friendly sunbae to hoobaes. In the first place, it was extremely rare to eat together, and I usually bought them what they wanted to eat and left first.

“Did you get home safe yesterday?”

“Well, my house is nearby.”

But Kim Do-hyun was sitting in a Japanese restaurant with me without any awkwardness. He was five years younger than me, and his school year was four years higher than mine, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable. He was as brazen as Park Seong-jae, from saying what menu he wanted to dragging me to the restaurant.

“Didn’t you miss the last train?”

Kim Do-hyun’s choice was sushi. He ordered a sushi set, and I ordered a buckwheat noodle set, and we waited for the food to come out. He neatly set the water and spoons, and then nodded.

“My house is ambiguously within walking distance. If I walk fast, it’s about 15 minutes?”

“That’s really ambiguous.”

If that tall guy walks for 15 minutes, it wouldn’t be a very close distance. It was the most difficult distance to use transportation when you were late or overslept.

“Did you take Park Seong-jae home safely without abandoning him?”

“I wanted to abandon him, but I couldn’t because you asked me to, sunbae.”

“Park Seong-jae would cry if he heard that.”

“I’m just kidding.”

It doesn’t seem like you’re kidding. I didn’t say the last words and closed my mouth.

All the basic background checks I could ask were over. It wasn’t like I was having an interview, so I couldn’t ask about hobbies or strengths.

“Sunbae, what class are you taking next?”

Kim Do-hyun asked a question before the air became awkward. His curious eyes felt a bit burdensome for some reason.

“I’m taking Modern English Literature.”

“The one by Professor Seo Yong-joon?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Why is he so curious about what class I’m taking? It was just a question he could ask, but his attitude since yesterday was very unsettling. Come to think of it, didn’t he call me an Omega? As I subtly moved my body back, Kim Do-hyun smiled with his eyes.

“I heard that professor is strict… are you okay?”

“It’s okay if you just attend well. The exam isn’t difficult either.”

Was it just my imagination? I felt like I could feel Alpha pheromones. It was weaker than Choi Tae-gyeom’s, but it was enough for a recessive like me to feel its presence. Is he also a dominant? I thought so and was about to take a sip of water.

“I see.”

Hoo, pheromones poured out. It was a sensation that could only be described as ‘pouring out’. The pheromones that enveloped me as if suffocating me were so intense that an ordinary Omega would have collapsed, gasping for breath.

Why is he doing this? There were only two reasons for emitting such blatant pheromones. One was to seduce the other person, and the other was to subdue the other person. It was strange even if it was the former, and it was strange even if it was the latter. It wasn’t something you would do in a restaurant like this.

I naturally put down my water glass and looked around. Because it was an expensive restaurant, there were hardly any people inside. Even the few who were there seemed to be Betas, and I seemed to be the only one who felt his pheromones. That meant I couldn’t point out these pheromones here.

“What class are you taking?”

It was easy not to show it. Unless it was a dominant like Choi Tae-gyeom, it was rare for me, who wasn’t in heat cycle, to react to Alpha pheromones. Kim Do-hyun’s pheromones only felt a little hard to breathe for a recessive like me. It wasn’t difficult to calm my complexion as if nothing was wrong.

“Ah, I…”

Kim Do-hyun fiddled with his water glass and stared at me quietly. I thought I could see a slightly puzzled light beyond his smiling face. After carefully examining my face as if observing something, Kim Do-hyun smiled.

“I’m taking Tourism English. It’s a required course for freshmen.”

“Professor Kim Mi-jin?”

“Yes, the one who wears glasses and is a bit old.”

The pheromones remaining in the air faded slightly. At the same time, the food came out, so I was able to avoid being exposed to his pheromones any further. Fortunately, Kim Do-hyun seemed to have turned his attention to the delicious-looking sushi.

But I couldn’t bring myself to eat. The buckwheat noodle set was very generous, but I only stirred the soup with my chopsticks.

Kim Do-hyun’s strange behavior. Calling me an Omega and pouring out pheromones on me. All of that was bothering me.

He probably thinks I’m an Omega. Seeing that he still hasn’t withdrawn his suspicion even though Choi Tae-gyeom told him I was a Beta. The problem was that I didn’t know why he thought that way.

“Aren’t you eating?”

“I have to eat.”

No one knows that I’m an Omega except for my family. Maybe the doctor who did the blood test. In the first place, I said I was a Beta, so there was no reason to think I was a different type.

Where did it show? I couldn’t think of anything even when I looked back at my memories. My first meeting with Kim Do-hyun was at the freshman orientation, and I pretended to be a Beta while hiding my pheromones. There was no way Kim Do-hyun could have noticed the pheromones that even an Alpha like Choi Tae-gyeom couldn’t notice.

“Who would eat something this expensive for lunch…”

The thoughts that followed one after another were quickly cut off. It was because four men entered the quiet restaurant, making it crowded. I unconsciously turned my head at the unfamiliar voice, and before I knew it, the other person’s name popped out of my mouth.

“…Choi Tae-gyeom?”

It was Choi Tae-gyeom and three men who entered the restaurant. Behind the man who was complaining about why he was coming to such an expensive place, Choi Tae-gyeom was frowning. He looked around with a very annoyed expression, and then made a dumbfounded expression when he met my eyes.

“Lee Yoon-woo?”

I didn’t expect to run into him in a place like this. Moreover, I didn’t expect him to be with three friends. What’s wrong with him having friends? While I was having very rude thoughts, Choi Tae-gyeom approached me without hesitation. I was about to feel a little excited at the sight of him approaching me.

“Did you come to eat?”

A different, softer pheromone than Kim Do-hyun’s wafted from him as he approached. Choi Tae-gyeom asked a little sullenly and looked at Kim Do-hyun. Kim Do-hyun politely bowed his head and greeted, “Hello, sunbaenim.”

“Oh… I came to buy my hoobae lunch, and it looks like you came to eat lunch too.”

I awkwardly avoided his gaze. It was because Choi Tae-gyeom was staring at me intently. Was it because we’ve been friends for 20 years? I felt like I knew what he wanted to say without having to say it. He probably wanted to say this.

‘Didn’t you say you weren’t close to him?’

“…Don’t you have to go to your friends?”

I awkwardly changed the subject because I didn’t have anything to say. Just in time, a voice calling for him desperately was heard from a table a little further away.

“Choi Tae-gyeom! What are you going to eat!”

“Tae-gyeom is talking to his friend, just leave him alone.”

“Isn’t that the guy from yesterday? English Literature?”

With the word ‘English Literature’ as the end, the gazes of the three men were focused on me. Although they turned their heads as if they weren’t when Choi Tae-gyeom looked at them, they didn’t stop glancing at me. Choi Tae-gyeom glared at Kim Do-hyun fiercely for a moment and put his hand on my shoulder as if he had made up his mind.

“Move over a bit.”

I felt déjà vu. The way he pushed me, who was sitting on the outside, to the inside and sat down next to me was similar to how he took Park Seong-jae’s seat at the bar last night.

I was pushed to the inside by him, and Choi Tae-gyeom put his nose near my neck and started sniffing.

“What are you doing?”

His breath suddenly touched me, and I unconsciously pushed Choi Tae-gyeom’s shoulder. The area where his breath had touched me felt hot. Choi Tae-gyeom, who was pushed back without any resistance, muttered as if he was in a bad mood.

“So annoying, really.”

It was Kim Do-hyun who reacted to his muttering. There was a slight crack in his friendly smiling face. He was about to ask what that meant, but he couldn’t ask the question. It was because Choi Tae-gyeom poured out pheromones in an instant.

It was incomparable to what Kim Do-hyun had done. Choi Tae-gyeom was a Dominant Alpha, and his pheromones were so strong that they could be felt even when he was still. But now that he was openly releasing them, the Omega pheromones I had been hiding were trying to react. I couldn’t avoid it by holding my breath or turning my head.

“Let’s eat. You can’t eat cold food.”

Choi Tae-gyeom lightly scolded me and took the menu next to me. We had only gotten a little closer, but I could feel his pheromones intensely. Whether he knew it or not, he nonchalantly ordered a rice bowl set meal.

“…I just, thought it would be delicious, so I ordered it.”

I barely managed to answer, but I felt cold sweat running down my spine. If I stayed any longer, my face would flush, and my senses would heighten as if I were in heat. And I would lust after him like the Omegas he disliked.

“You’ll just eat a bite or two and stop, right?”

“…”

“Give that to me and eat the rice bowl. So you don’t get sick later.”

At this moment, I resented Choi Tae-gyeom for knowing nothing. I was also frustrated that he was openly releasing his pheromones after confirming that there were no Omegas around. How could there not be a single Omega in this place except for me? Only Kim Do-hyun, the only Alpha, was subtly trembling at the corner of his mouth.

There are only two reasons why an Alpha would intentionally release pheromones. To seduce someone, or to suppress them. I don’t know why, but Choi Tae-gyeom seemed to be trying to suppress Kim Do-hyun, and as a result, I, an Omega, was the one who was getting overwhelmed. Even though I’m an unprecedented recessive, this is a bit, difficult.

“Hey… I’m going to the bathroom.”

In the end, unable to bear it, I jumped up from my seat. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were getting stronger and stronger, and it was dangerous to stay here any longer. Whether I smoked a cigarette or washed my face, all I could think about was getting out of here.

“Why are you in such a hurry…”

Choi Tae-gyeom grabbed me as if he was flustered. But there was no time to explain. Fortunately, the bathroom was outside the building, and I hurried out of the restaurant.

And as soon as I entered the bathroom, my legs gave way.

“…Damn bastard.”

I was hard. Really hard.

My hands trembled. I could see the outline of my swollen member under my pants. I slowly caught my breath, but the pheromones that had already been mixed in wouldn’t go away. Rather, my body was getting hotter and hotter.

“Haa…”

If I had been any later, I would have shown a very unsightly sight. Dominant Alpha, Dominant Alpha, I had only heard about it, but I didn’t know that their pheromones would be so powerful. My pounding heart and the constant tightening in my lower abdomen were so resentful. If I, a recessive, was like this, there was no need to talk about ordinary Omegas. There was a reason why he usually suppressed his pheromones.

Damn it, it was a relief that Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t find out. If he knew that I was lusting after him, he would have looked at me with the same eyes as he looked at other Omegas. A friend who once protected him is actually no different from those Omegas, what a tragedy.

What should I do about this?

Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones couldn’t be erased with just one or two cigarettes. My body, which had become as hot as if I were in heat, wouldn’t calm down unless I released once.

In fact, I knew the solution. This was a secluded bathroom, and if I locked the door, no one could come in. I had left Choi Tae-gyeom and Kim Do-hyun in the restaurant, but wouldn’t it be better than going back in this state and being treated like a pervert?

Reluctantly, I locked the entrance and went into the innermost stall. As soon as I leaned against the wall and lowered my buckle, shame washed over me. The outline of my swollen member was clearly visible through my thin underwear.

I never thought I would end up masturbating in a place like this, with a clear target in mind. Thoughts of being rude to Choi Tae-gyeom or being immoral came to mind. Of course, those thoughts soon dissipated.

“…”

My erect member was hot. As soon as I grabbed the shaft, my body flinched. My mind was shaken, and pheromones slowly flowed out. It had been a long time since I had masturbated, but it was easier than ever. Choi Tae-gyeom’s face, neck, big hands, and strong pheromones.

“…Ugh.”

The feeling of ejaculation came quickly. The sensation of my vision turning white erased even the encroaching self-loathing. I felt the pleasure that I had been suppressing explode.

When I came to my senses, I was covered in Omega pheromones. The white fluid I had ejaculated in my hand and the languor I felt after ejaculation.

After that, I washed my hands and smoked a total of three cigarettes. When I smoked a cigarette and washed my hands again, the self-loathing that I had covered up tried to creep out again.

When I returned to the restaurant, Choi Tae-gyeom had eaten about half of his noodles. The rice bowl he had ordered was set at my seat, and Kim Do-hyun was silently eating sushi. I thought he would ask why I was so late, but Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me as I sat down and said this.

“You need to cut down on cigarettes.”

I must have smoked a little too much to erase the pheromones. I shook off my coat and rinsed my mouth, but it must have smelled terrible to him, who was sensitive to smells. Fortunately, it was a pheromone cigarette, so it smelled less burnt than other cigarettes.

“Sorry. I tried to get rid of the smell.”

Choi Tae-gyeom had hated the smell of cigarettes since he was a child. Whenever someone smoked, he would frown and cover my nose and mouth, grumbling. I didn’t hate the smell of cigarettes, but I remember staying still, pretending not to know, because his small hands were cute.

“Is it that bad?”

I subtly widened the distance between us and smelled the collar of my clothes. Was I insensitive to the smell because I was a smoker? Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones, my pheromones, and the smell of cigarettes. I couldn’t feel any of them.

“It’s not because of the smell…”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who was preparing to nag, closed his mouth with a sigh when I picked up my spoon. Seeing the warm rice bowl, I started to feel a little hungry. When I took a big spoonful of rice bowl, Choi Tae-gyeom had completely relaxed his expression.

“Senior can’t eat cold food?”

Instead, Kim Do-hyun spoke up. There was a hint of apology in his expression. It’s not like the restaurant only had cold food, and there was no reason for him to feel sorry.

“No, not really…”

“You can’t eat it. You always get sick when you eat it.”

Choi Tae-gyeom cut him off and poured water into an empty water cup. He knew me better than my own parents, so he also knew that I would get sick if I only ate cold food. Of course, even if I protested that I could eat it now, nothing would change.

“Don’t you remember getting sick from eating ice cream every summer?”

As Choi Tae-gyeom said, I got sick from eating cold food every summer. It was partly because I hated the heat and forced myself to eat cold food, but it was also because my stomach was naturally cold. Every time I was dying in agony, Choi Tae-gyeom would sigh and bring me a hot pack.

After that happened a few times, I needed Choi Tae-gyeom’s permission every time I ate ice cream. Scooping ice cream was absolutely not allowed, and only popsicles were allowed. Of course, even then, Choi Tae-gyeom would take half of it after I ate half of it.

“I remember you taking my ice cream.”

When I said jokingly, Choi Tae-gyeom narrowed his eyes. His expression was full of playfulness.

“I should have gone to eat something else… Do you have any favorite foods?”

Seeing us like that, Kim Do-hyun smiled awkwardly and put down his chopsticks. The food that Kim Do-hyun had ordered was already completely gone. Choi Tae-gyeom answered instead.

“Why do you need to know?”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who answered in a clearly blunt tone, didn’t even look at Kim Do-hyun and put side dishes in front of me. A lot of kimchi, a lot of pickled radish.

“Eat evenly.”

“Am I a child?”

“You don’t eat it if I don’t take care of you.”

“…Since Yoon-woo Senior is buying today, I’ll buy it next time.”

Looking at it, I don’t know if Kim Do-hyun is oblivious or has a good personality. How can he smile so kindly at Choi Tae-gyeom, who is clearly showing that he hates him? Well, judging from the trembling of his mouth, it seems like it’s neither.

“What about sushi? Don’t you eat raw food either?”

“Can’t you tell from the buckwheat noodles he ordered? He can’t eat raw food.”

I think I used to eat it when I was very young, but after growing up a bit, I couldn’t eat any uncooked food at all. Not to mention sushi, but also seafood like oysters and octopus, and even raw meat. I hated the unique softness of raw food, and I hated the fishy smell I felt when I chewed it. So Choi Tae-gyeom liked sashimi very much, but he hardly ate it because of me.

“Then what about meat?”

“He can’t eat it if it smells. He hardly eats pork or lamb, and if he does, it’s only a little beef.”

Choi Tae-gyeom knew my tastes surprisingly well. He thinks he likes noodles, but he actually likes rice, he always fails when he tries new things. Even though he’s full of unnecessary confidence, he always leaves food behind. Besides that, he has a small appetite, he eats slowly, and other eating habits that I didn’t know about came out one after another.

“Ah, so Yoon-woo Senior likes Korean food the most?”

“It’s not that he likes it, it’s just that he eats it well.”

I didn’t have to answer any questions. Because every time Kim Do-hyun asked a question, Choi Tae-gyeom answered it. Kim Do-hyun, who had been asking me at first, was now openly asking Choi Tae-gyeom.

“…What are you guys doing in front of me?”

Thanks to that, I finished my meal comfortably, but it was definitely uncomfortable. I couldn’t understand why Kim Do-hyun was so interested in my eating habits, and why Choi Tae-gyeom was so eager to answer. Just then, Choi Tae-gyeom, who was saying that I couldn’t eat much, paused and looked at my empty bowl.

“You ate it all.”

Was it my imagination that his voice was full of pride? It’s probably not my imagination with a high probability. He must be happy that I finished my meal, because he leaned his head on my shoulder.

“Lee Yoon-woo, what’s your next class?”

It was an action that he used to do without thinking, but my heart fluttered at that short contact. The fragrant shampoo smell also brought a different kind of excitement than his pheromones. I was afraid that I would be caught being nervous, so I took a deep breath as slowly as possible.

“I have Modern English Literature.”

“Oh, that’s a liberal arts class. I should have taken it.”

Choi Tae-gyeom rubbed his head against my shoulder like a cat and straightened his posture. I felt a surge of regret at his passing remark that he should have taken the same class. If our classes had overlapped by chance, I would have been willing to sit next to him pretending not to know, but my heart ached.

“Let’s go if you’re done eating.”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who had taken the bill, got up from his seat. I glanced at where his friends were, but only an empty table remained, as if they had left at some point. I don’t know if it’s okay to leave his friends like this, both yesterday and today.

“Let’s eat what Senior likes next time.”

“Yeah, well…”

I answered Kim Do-hyun’s words vaguely. Every time I encounter this guy, something difficult happens, so I think it’s a jinx by now. So I hope we can avoid eating together again if possible.

Meanwhile, Choi Tae-gyeom, who had finished paying and returned, waved the receipt at Kim Do-hyun. For some reason, he had a deep smile on his face.

“Hey, I bought the meal.”

“…Yes?”

Kim Do-hyun asked back with a sullen expression. He seemed dumbfounded that he was buying him a meal after being so awkward all this time. He didn’t know whether to say thank you or just ignore it. Choi Tae-gyeom added maliciously to Kim Do-hyun, who was in a dilemma.

“For your information, I eat anything well.”

In an instant, Kim Do-hyun’s face was filled with bewilderment. He tried to say something, but Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t listen to his answer and put his arm around my shoulder. While he was stuttering, I was leaving the restaurant with Kim Do-hyun.

“…Why did you buy the meal?”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who was about half a head taller than me, didn’t seem to have any trouble using me as an armrest. I’m not that short, but he’s so tall. I used to be the taller one, but I felt a sense of injustice for no reason.

“Then why are you buying him a meal?”

As the situation changed, my attitude towards him also changed. The contact that didn’t matter in high school is now not accepted with a pure heart. All the parts that touch Choi Tae-gyeom are conscious, while I want to touch him a little closer. That was a wish that he could never find out, and it was my own greed.

“You’re not close to him, right?”

He said something childish and pressed my head down. Even the contact that would have been unpleasant if it had been someone else was okay because the other person was Choi Tae-gyeom. I wish he would stroke me instead of pressing me, and it would be nice if he touched my cheek instead of my head. It was a very perverted feeling.

“I’m not close. He asked me to buy him a meal, so I came with him.”

“You’re not close, but you buy him everything he asks for?”

“I promised to buy him one yesterday.”

Actually, I was planning to have Park Seong-jae buy it, but there was no need to explain that. Choi Tae-gyeom frowned as if he didn’t like something, and let go of my shoulder. The shoulder where his body temperature had moved away felt strangely empty.

“Don’t hang out with Kim Do-hyun.”

It was like a request from an elementary school student. No, even when we were elementary school students, we never said things like this to each other. Choi Tae-gyeom looked down at me with his arms crossed, as if expecting an answer.

“Are you an elementary school student…”

In fact, I could have just said okay. Kim Do-hyun was just a stranger except for a few overlapping classes, and Choi Tae-gyeom was my longtime friend and the person I liked. I should have answered ‘I don’t have anything to do with him’ as usual, but I didn’t want to for some reason.

“Why suddenly?”

There’s something strange about the hostility that Choi Tae-gyeom is showing. Basically, he didn’t like others, but he didn’t treat them badly without a reason. But he cuts off all of Kim Do-hyun’s words and shows his wariness by even releasing pheromones. To me, that felt like jealousy.

“Why do you hate Kim Do-hyun so much?”

If I don’t expect anything, I won’t be disappointed, but I end up expecting it even though I know I’ll be disappointed. Could it be that the feeling Choi Tae-gyeom is feeling is jealousy? Whether it’s as a friend or in another sense, is it a feeling that comes from not wanting to lose me?

“That bastard to you…”

Choi Tae-gyeom hesitated for a long time as if he was trying to choose his words. He opened his mouth and frowned and closed it, messed up his hair and sighed. People passing by stared at us standing on the street, but neither I nor Choi Tae-gyeom cared.

“Yeah. You’re a Beta, so you wouldn’t know.”

A sighing voice came out. Choi Tae-gyeom, who shook his head as if he couldn’t help it, opened his mouth with a frown.

“He put a lot of pheromones on you.”

Thump, my heart sank. It wasn’t because Choi Tae-gyeom’s expression was stiff. It was because the pheromones that flowed out at the same time as he spoke reminded me of that distant feeling from before.

“There’s only one reason why Alphas do that. It’s to mark their territory.”

The hairs on my head stand on end, and all the nerves in my body become sensitive. The pheromones that are pouring out so blatantly were a proof of what he was saying. If the reason why Alphas release pheromones is the same as what Choi Tae-gyeom said, then what is his behavior now?

“You’ve been like this since before.”

“…”

“You either come back with strange Alpha pheromones on you, or you come back covered in Omega pheromones.”

An unknown emotion filled Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyes. There was also a bit of annoyance. It was similar to when he used to release pheromones nervously when I brought back other people’s pheromones in the past.

“You’re a Beta. How would I, your friend, feel good about them marking their territory without your consent?”

In the end, it was just a friend again. I’m a Beta, and Choi Tae-gyeom is my friend, so he has an unnecessary sense of duty to protect me from them. Not the sweet feeling I wanted, but a more fundamental unpleasantness.

“It’s only been once or twice that I’ve erased it with my pheromones…”

I knew it. The expectation I had was a hopeless one, and it was natural for me to be disappointed because I knew I would be disappointed. Since it was an expectation that I had raised knowing that I would be disappointed in the first place, it’s only natural to be disappointed.

Choi Tae-gyeom was simply trying to erase Kim Do-hyun’s pheromones. To protect me, who can’t feel pheromones, and to eliminate the unpleasantness as a friend. Just like I did, to help me.

The fact that he left his friends and sat next to me, the fact that he didn’t let Kim Do-hyun talk to me, and the fact that he poured pheromones on me a little while ago were all actions that stemmed from that.

“So, ignore Kim Do-hyun if he talks to you. Don’t respond even if he tries to flirt. If you run into him, come to me. I’ll erase the pheromone.”

He spoke in a very formal tone. He even had a benevolent expression, as if he was willing to make that much of a sacrifice for his pathetic friend. The anticipation that had swelled with his sigh burst like a bubble.

“……There’s no need to go that far.”

I replied nonchalantly, taking out my phone. After checking the time and looking up, I saw a subtly frowning face. Choi Tae-gyeom was pressing his lips together, as if trying to gauge the meaning of my words. Soon, a very unpleasant voice burst out.

“What does that mean?”

“There’s no need to erase the pheromone.”

There were less than 20 minutes left until class. If I wanted to get to Building A on the other side of the school before the professor arrived, I had to start walking briskly now. It was my fault for taking too long in the bathroom.

“I can’t feel it anyway, so why bother? If I don’t react, he’ll stop.”

I was tempted by the offer to erase the pheromone. The idea of him putting his pheromone on me felt like the ‘territory marking’ he had mentioned. But if it was just as a friend, it was a different story. I even reacted physically to Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone, but the fact that it was just an obligatory act for Choi Tae-gyeom made me feel pathetic.

“You’ve been covering me with pheromone often since before, right? But nothing’s happened so far.”

“That’s……”

“So don’t worry.”

I didn’t have the confidence to talk more. But I didn’t want to talk while looking at his face either. If he said he understood when I told him not to worry, I felt like my heart would collapse.

“I don’t know why he’s doing it, but he’ll probably just do it for a bit and then stop.”

So I spoke while looking at Choi Tae-gyeom’s nose and philtrum, that vicinity. I was desperate because if our eyes met, even I couldn’t be sure what I would say.

“Hey, I’m late for class.”

“……”

“I’ll go first. Thanks for the meal.”

But as soon as I turned around, my wrist was grabbed. When I reflexively turned back, Choi Tae-gyeom was looking at me with a dumbfounded expression. His gaze, meeting mine in the air, scrutinized my face relentlessly.

“You really don’t know why he’s doing this?”

The reason Kim Do-hyun was doing this was obvious. To see if I was an Omega or not. Even if there was another reason, it wouldn’t be to mark me like Choi Tae-gyeom said.

“I don’t know, I’m not an Omega.”

Pheromone was felt along my grabbed wrist. The pheromone that was stubbornly leaking out didn’t seem to have anything to do with Choi Tae-gyeom’s will. It just seemed to be flowing out naturally because his emotions were overflowing.

“He’s not doing this because he likes me, right?”

I added it as a joke, but Choi Tae-gyeom’s expression was serious. For a brief moment, he frowned, released my wrist, and let out a hollow laugh.

“Why do you think he doesn’t?”

“……Hey, we’ve only known each other for less than 24 hours. What does he like about me?”

Something similar had happened once before. In the third year of middle school, Choi Tae-gyeom claimed that an Omega from the next class liked me. I had never even exchanged a word with that student, and of course, I argued that it was a misunderstanding. And as expected, that student never said a word to me until graduation.

“If he likes me like you said, he’d confess instead of putting pheromone on me. I can’t even feel it.”

He’s so sensitive to other people’s feelings, so why doesn’t he know that I like him? If he was going to warn me about an impossible feeling, he should have at least reconsidered the feelings I have for him. If he didn’t notice my feelings, then it was right that he was also insensitive to other people’s feelings.

“He might not have the courage to confess……”

Choi Tae-gyeom started to say something but couldn’t finish. The emotions shown by his wavering eyes were too difficult for me to interpret. After a brief moment of silence, Choi Tae-gyeom spoke in a slightly calmer voice.

“He might not.”

“Who are you talking about now?”

There’s no reason for him to speak for Kim Do-hyun’s feelings. The fact that he likes me, the fact that he doesn’t have the courage to confess, is all just Choi Tae-gyeom’s speculation. There’s no reason for me to feel guilty about a meaningless statement.

“Then tell him to just keep putting pheromone on me for the rest of his life.”

Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but get angry. My insides were boiling, and it felt like the suppressed pheromone was about to flow out. Who is the one who doesn’t even reveal that they are an Omega because they don’t have the courage to confess? To throw a fuse into someone like me. I couldn’t stop the words that followed.

“Why? Then were the Omegas who used to put pheromone on you doing that because they didn’t have the courage to confess?”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s expression hardened. The pheromone that had been flowing out wildly also froze coldly. In that silence, I cut off another expectation.

“Just do one thing. Just one thing. If you’re going to defend his position, don’t tell me not to hang out with him.”

I know what Choi Tae-gyeom means by the word friend. Since we were young, we’ve been each other’s only one, and Choi Tae-gyeom has always put me first in everything. I knew that he felt obligated to protect me as much as I cherished him, as much as I protected him.

There were definitely times when I placed unbearable expectations on that fact, but those were only things that were done within the bounds of friendship. Just as Choi Tae-gyeom’s concern for Kim Do-hyun was by no means jealousy, the obsession he showed was also far from romantic feelings. Simply concern for a friend, or a repayment to me.

“……Like you said, we’re friends, so isn’t it a bit much to worry about things like that?”

I’m pathetic for expecting that even though I know it. I resent Choi Tae-gyeom for leaving room for hope without knowing this fact. I want to confess out of anger, but I get angry at myself for not being able to muster the courage.

“I’m really late, so I’m going.”

Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t hold me back. He didn’t answer, and he didn’t follow me. He just stood there and watched me walk away. I couldn’t tell what expression he was looking at me with, or what he was thinking. However, the pheromone carried by the wind was very unsettling.

The lecture ended in an instant. In reality, it was a little over three hours, but it felt like the blink of an eye to me. During that long time, I couldn’t concentrate on the lecture, and my head was full of Choi Tae-gyeom.

I could count the number of times I had fought with Choi Tae-gyeom on one hand. Choi Tae-gyeom never got angry at me, and whenever there was a small argument, he always apologized first. Even when I forgot my promise with him, when I accidentally broke his things, when he covered up my mistakes, Choi Tae-gyeom forgave me without showing any signs of feeling wronged.

Of course, I had never properly apologized to Choi Tae-gyeom. The only apology I had given was in front of the bar a few days ago, but even then, Choi Tae-gyeom had given in before I could say a few words. A light sorry, or a reflexive apology. That was all I could do.

I shouldn’t have said that……. The small regret that arose remained as lingering feelings. Choi Tae-gyeom was just worried about me, and that was his way of being considerate. There was no reason for me to get angry, and there was no need to mention things from when we were young. If I were Choi Tae-gyeom, I would have been hurt by my reaction.

Should I contact him?

I took out my phone and put it back in countless times. I brought up Choi Tae-gyeom’s number, opened a message, wrote letters that I couldn’t send, and erased them with a sigh. Of course, in the end, I couldn’t contact him at all.

It couldn’t be helped. What could I say if I contacted him? That I was sorry for getting angry, that I was angry because I liked him but he didn’t know my feelings. That I didn’t like the fact that his actions were only because we were friends. If I said that, he would probably ask me this.

‘……You like me?’

The roundabout rejection was drawn too clearly. I would laugh awkwardly and smooth things over by saying it was a joke, and Choi Tae-gyeom would pretend not to know even though he knew everything. The relationship that had gone wrong, leaving such a subtle awkwardness, could never go back to the way it was before.

Worse than friends. Or maybe it would be better if we were strangers. If that was the predetermined ending, wouldn’t it be better to remain silent?

In the end, I put my phone away. When I came to my senses, I was the only one left in the lecture hall. There was no trace of notes on the notebook I had spread out. Just in case, I turned around, but this time the back seat was also empty.

Completely, alone.

The cold war with Choi Tae-gyeom lasted for about a week. Actually, it was ambiguous to call it a cold war. Since that day, I hadn’t run into him or exchanged any contact with him. I thought it would be good to apologize around this time, but I couldn’t muster the courage. I even had the foolish thought that it would be better to drift apart like this.

“Hyung, just once. Please? Just once!”

Park Seong-jae, whom I ran into in the department office, bothered me throughout the break time. The reason was nothing special. He wanted me to fill the headcount even as a ghost member because the club didn’t have enough members. It was a request he had been persistently making since the beginning of the semester, and the answer I would give was already decided.

“I said no.”

If it was a more interesting place, I would at least consider it, but Park Seong-jae’s club was none other than ‘Reading English Classics’. Just the name made me yawn, so there was no way I would want to join. Besides, I didn’t want to grant any requests right now.

“Go find someone else.”

“You really don’t have to do anything.”

I refused while pulling my hat down, but Park Seong-jae didn’t give up. He tried to persuade me with a desperate voice and even offered me a drink as if he was trying to act cute.

“I won’t tell you to read books, so just fill the headcount sometimes. If you need a review, I’ll write it for you instead. Really, I swear I won’t bother you.”

I heard he became the head this year. His voice was desperate. As desperate as he was, he was clingy, and as clingy as he was, he was annoying. I shook my arm off once again to refuse, but the leech-like guy didn’t fall off and wrapped his arm around mine even tighter.

“Just save me once. Huh?”

“I don’t want to, you punk. Why are you doing this to a third-year when there are freshmen?”

“It’s easier to seduce the kids if Hyung joins!”

Park Seong-jae’s unconvincing persuasion continued. If only Hyung joined, the number of freshmen would increase like mushrooms after the rain, and it would be a huge spec for Hyung’s job. Just listening to him, he seemed more like a con artist than a cult member who was camped out in front of the school.

“It’s annoying. I’m never doing it.”

“Ah, Hyung!”

Park Seong-jae shouted sadly and then collapsed on the table. He made a sound of sobbing while shaking his shoulders, but that also didn’t give me any emotion. Eventually, Park Seong-jae, who was exhausted on his own, peeked at me.

“……Hyung is secretly cold-hearted.”

“Secretly?”

We’ve been going to school together for three years, and he still doesn’t know me. If I was going to join the club, I would have joined a long time ago.

Park Seong-jae, who let out a deep sigh, muttered in a small voice.

“There’s a freshman who said they would join if Hyung joined.”

“Who the hell?”

It was a hard to believe. Who would join a club that was on the verge of being shut down every year just to see me? Besides, I haven’t had any contact with the freshmen since the freshman orientation.

Park Seong-jae complained while still lying down. What’s the point of knowing who it is if it’s already ruined anyway, would I join the club if he told me? I was about to say one word to stop if he didn’t want to tell me, but at the same time, Park Seong-jae’s mouth opened.

“Kim Do-hyun.”

It was a random name. No, it was the only name I knew among the freshmen, so maybe it was less surprising.

“Why him?”

“I guess he wants to get close to Hyung.”

Park Seong-jae’s voice was calm. He waved his hand in the air and added an explanation.

“Why, on the day of our freshman orientation. The seniors made Kim Do-hyun drink a lot because he was handsome, but Hyung took him to the seat next to you and stopped them from making him drink.”

“……Did I?”

“This Hyung doesn’t remember again.”

I slowly tried to recall, but I couldn’t remember the details. Most of my memories are hazy because of the shock of running into Choi Tae-gyeom on the day of the freshman orientation. It seems like that happened, and it seems like it didn’t. It’s true that I put Kim Do-hyun next to me, but it wasn’t to protect him.

“A lot of kids like Hyung.”

Park Seong-jae, who got up, suddenly spoke with a serious expression. At that, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. It was because the guy with the serious expression was very funny.

“Huh? You don’t believe me?”

It wasn’t a matter of believing or not. Choi Tae-gyeom, Park Seong-jae, how do they know whether I’m popular or not when I don’t even know? Does it make sense that they know who likes me when the person I like doesn’t even know?

“Hyung, you’ve gotten a lot of confessions, right?”

“I’ve never gotten one.”

“What? Really?”

I nodded in agreement. In elementary school, middle school, and high school. And even after coming to college, I have never been confessed to by anyone. I’ve seen Choi Tae-gyeom get confessions a lot, though.

“What about dating? You’ve dated, right?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve never dated anyone.”

Park Seong-jae looked at me with wildly shaking eyes. He also made a flustered expression as if he couldn’t believe it. Well, it might be a little surprising that I’m twenty-five and haven’t dated once.

“Wow…… No way.”

Park Seong-jae, who covered his mouth, muttered, wondering what was so surprising. I didn’t feel uncomfortable with his gaze, so I just waited for him to continue. Park Seong-jae let out an exclamation and opened his mouth.

“Min-jeong-ssi also likes Hyung.”

“That’s rude to Min-jeong-ssi.”

“Ah.”

A moment of silence passed. The guy who turned his gaze as if he had made a mistake coughed. I didn’t intend to point it out, so I pretended not to know and brought the drink that Park Seong-jae had given me. Park Seong-jae didn’t miss the opportunity and jumped in.

“If you drink that, you’re joining the club.”

“You’re talking nonsense again.”

Instead of opening the can, I tapped Park Seong-jae’s head. The guy who made a crying sound collapsed on the table again. The intermittent twitching must be because he’s heartbroken at the thought of losing two people at once (Kim Do-hyun and me).

I let out a sigh. It’s just a club, there’s only a year left at most, so why is he so enthusiastic? Well, he’s been building it up since his freshman year, so it must be hard to give up easily.

“How many people are you short?”

I asked while opening the can. At that, Park Seong-jae jumped up. His sparkling gaze was nothing but burdensome.

“Three people. If Hyung joins, Kim Do-hyun will also join, so then one person.”

“You’re really not going to make me do club activities, right?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to. You don’t even have to attend. I’ll take care of everything.”

Park Seong-jae didn’t miss the opportunity. He even made a gesture of holding up the drink with both hands, telling me to drink it quickly. He’s like a meerkat, I thought to myself and sipped the drink. The drink with the apple drawn on it was too sweet for my taste.

“I love you, Hyung……. Hyung is the best. I think I’m really going to fall for Hyung.”

Park Seong-jae grabbed my hand with teary eyes. His appearance was a bit disgusting, so I pulled my hand out as naturally as possible. Park Seong-jae let go of my hand without much resistance and pretended to wipe away his tears.

“Where are you going to find the other one?”

“Ah, that’s.”

A shadow quickly fell on his face. Park Seong-jae, who glanced at me, hesitated and intertwined his fingertips.

“That’s, you know…….”

I had a bad feeling. The fact that the guy who doesn’t usually beat around the bush was doing this meant that he was going to say something difficult. It was probably a request that was harder to grant than asking me to join the club.

“……By any chance, isn’t Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae doing a club?”

I wanted to throw up the drink I just drank. I carefully put down the can, and an emotion of despair flashed across Park Seong-jae’s face. I tried to calm my stuffy heart and fiddled with the brim of the hat I was wearing.

“He probably wouldn’t be interested in a club.”

The worries I had forgotten came to mind. The fact that Choi Tae-gyeom told me not to hang out with Kim Do-hyun, the fact that I got angry at him, the fact that we haven’t even seen each other’s faces for a week, and the fact that I haven’t apologized yet.

People are so fickle, it’s okay when you don’t see someone for 5 years, but you start to miss them when you don’t see them for just a week. I wanted to see his face, talk to him, and walk around campus normally. To hell with drifting apart like this, I’m so thirsty that I feel like I’m going crazy if I don’t see him right now.

“What would a business major use reading English classics for?”

“He might like Shakespeare.”

“Yeah, right.”

Park Seong-jae didn’t pester this time either. Seeing him give up so easily, it seemed he hadn’t expected much in the first place. He did mutter that there wouldn’t be any worries about numbers if that senior was there, but that was just simple regret.

“Hyung, so are you in for the club welcome party tonight?”

Park Seong-jae made a gesture of holding a glass and clicked his tongue. He already seemed excited, a grin plastered on his face. It seemed the reason he was in the club was to drink legally.

“You’ll even hold a welcome party for a ghost member?”

“Of course, it’s you, Hyung, not just anyone!”

Park Seong-jae pulled out his phone faster than anyone and started contacting people. Most of them were from our department, with a few unfamiliar names mixed in. He paused at the contact ‘English Language and Literature Kim Do-hyun’ among them.

“I should call Kim Do-hyun too. To tell him you’re joining, Hyung.”

A slight feeling of guilt washed over me. Choi Tae-gyeom would hate it… I tried to shake off the thought. Even though we hadn’t made up, I hadn’t done anything wrong, so there was no reason to avoid Kim Do-hyun.

“I’m not going to attend. Don’t forget.”

I added, just in case, and Park Seong-jae waved his hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. Once you join, what can he do? He’s not going to quit just because he can’t see you, Hyung, right? We’ll just have to say he has to do at least one activity before he can leave.”

This guy was a complete con artist. What did he say earlier, a cult? No, it was closer to a pyramid scheme.

Park Seong-jae put his phone away, having contacted everyone by now. Then he started packing his things, saying the next class was starting soon. Checking the time, I realized my next class would start soon too.

“Then see you at the main gate at 7!”

Park Seong-jae left the department room without even hearing my greeting. It seemed he had spent a lot of time persuading me. With the boisterous guy gone, silence fell instantly.

I took out my phone, feeling empty, but I couldn’t contact Choi Tae-gyeom this time either. I didn’t have the courage to apologize, nor the audacity to talk to him as if nothing had happened. And I wasn’t even sure I could handle the same situation more calmly next time. So, in the end, I would have to run away again.

With a deep sigh, I put my phone away. 7 o’clock at the main gate. Kim Do-hyun, whom Choi Tae-gyeom told me not to hang out with, would be there too.

My chest felt tight again.

More people than I expected had gathered in front of the main gate. I thought the club was on the verge of disbanding, but there were at least ten members, the minimum. Park Seong-jae raised his hand as soon as he spotted me and called out loudly.

“Yoon-woo Hyung!”

Min-jeong-ssi was next to Park Seong-jae. Park Seong-jae and Kim Min-jeong. With those two not letting go until the very end, tonight’s drinking session would be very long. It was a good thing I didn’t have class tomorrow.

“Hello, Sunbae.”

Kim Do-hyun was naturally among the familiar faces. Kim Do-hyun, whom I was seeing for the first time in a week like Choi Tae-gyeom, greeted me with a bow as if he had completely forgotten what I had left behind that day.

“Oh, hello.”

Awkwardness was evident at the end of the greeting. Even though I tried not to be conscious of it, Choi Tae-gyeom’s words kept coming to mind. Not that Kim Do-hyun liked me, but how he would feel seeing that. If he knew we were going out for drinks together, he would make that unpleasant face again.

“Hyung, where should we go? Should we go to the place where we had the freshman welcome party?”

While adjusting his hat, Park Seong-jae busily gathered opinions. The reason was that the bar he had in mind had closed today. As for me, I was just going to have some snacks anyway, so I didn’t care where we went.

“Just anywhere…”

So I answered carelessly, putting my hands in my pockets. I turned my head slightly because I felt uncomfortable with Kim Do-hyun’s gaze following me over the hat. Fortunately, Kim Do-hyun’s gaze soon disappeared, but the problem arose elsewhere.

“…”

Our eyes met. Thump, my heart sank, and my chest felt heavy. I was so flustered that I forgot I was in the middle of answering. My mind went blank, and I didn’t even feel Park Seong-jae grabbing me.

“Hyung?”

Why, of all places, was he here? It should have been well past seven, so his class should have been over. Had he failed to register for a course, or did he have an appointment? The gaze that collided in the air flickered as if it would devour me.

“What’s over there… Oh? It’s Choi Tae-gyeom Sunbae?”

Choi Tae-gyeom was standing not far away. Wearing his Department of Business Administration jacket and with his bag slung over his shoulder, he looked at me steadily. If it weren’t for the hair fluttering in the wind, it could have been a still image. The face I was seeing for the first time in a week, the pheromone carried on the wind, all of it felt unreal.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?I didn’t have the leeway to answer Kim Do-hyun’s question.

It had been a week. Since I had seen his face, since I had felt his pheromone. Although he had a very unpleasant expression, the only thought in my head at this moment was:

I missed him.

It felt different from when we had met at the bar five years ago. Back then, I had felt mostly bewildered, but this time, a small desire had blossomed and grown large. I wanted to get closer. I wanted to touch him, to reach him. I wanted to cling to him, whining that I had been sad not seeing him.

The primal urge was disconcerting. It had only been a week, so why was I feeling this way? I had been fine avoiding him for five years, so why, suddenly, after just a week, had longing been added? Or perhaps the feeling had never faded from the beginning?

“…You don’t have to acknowledge me.”

I hurriedly pulled my hat down, but it was already too late. Or rather, my attempt to avoid eye contact seemed to have stimulated Choi Tae-gyeom even more. The subtly wafting pheromone began to intensify.

“Did you two fight?”

Park Seong-jae lowered his voice, whispering. He couldn’t feel the pheromone, but he seemed to have noticed the awkward atmosphere between us. Instead of answering, I fiddled with my hat, and Kim Do-hyun added in a nonchalant tone.

“Sunbae is staring at you a lot, though?”

I know, you idiot.

I was in the middle of a cold war, no, a not-so-cold war with him, and I was about to go out for drinks with Kim Do-hyun, the main cause of the fight. And if he knew that we were in the same club, Choi Tae-gyeom might really give up on me.

“Why did you fight? Aren’t you going to make up?”

“No, we didn’t fight exactly…”

It was ambiguous to call it a fight. I had unilaterally made a mistake, but Choi Tae-gyeom hadn’t done anything. So, I trailed off awkwardly, and Park Seong-jae’s eyes lit up as he grabbed my hand.

“Hyung, I have a good idea.”

Was it just my imagination, or did Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone seem to have intensified? Kim Do-hyun also seemed to feel it, flinching slightly. Of course, it had no effect on Park Seong-jae, who was a Beta.

“It’s a really good idea.”

Park Seong-jae had a knack for making people feel uncomfortable even when he wasn’t doing anything special. And his eyes were unnecessarily round, so the discomfort doubled when he looked at you with those sparkling eyes.

“What idea?”

I subtly pulled my hand away from Park Seong-jae. At the same time, the intense pheromone faded a little. Park Seong-jae cautiously glanced at Choi Tae-gyeom’s direction and lowered his voice, whispering.

“Let’s ask Choi Tae-gyeom Sunbae to come drink with us.”

“…What?”

It was such nonsense that even Min-jeong-ssi next to me stared. To ask Choi Tae-gyeom, who wasn’t in our department, wasn’t in our club, and didn’t even know anyone except me, to come out for drinks. Besides, even I, the only one he knew, was awkward with him right now.

“He won’t come even if you ask him.”

“You never know until you ask.”

Kim Do-hyun answered. Gaining courage from Kim Do-hyun’s reaction, Park Seong-jae also nodded enthusiastically.

“Trust me. Okay?”

“No… Hey, hey!”

“Choi Tae-gyeom Sunbae!”

Before I could stop him, Park Seong-jae ran towards Choi Tae-gyeom. That brazen guy, I muttered, but it didn’t reach Park Seong-jae, who was already far away. Choi Tae-gyeom was looking at the bear that had suddenly run up to him with a slightly troubled expression.

“I’m going crazy.”

I couldn’t hear the words, but I could see Park Seong-jae introducing himself and persuading Choi Tae-gyeom. I could also feel Choi Tae-gyeom looking back and forth between me and Park Seong-jae as if he was dumbfounded.

Choi Tae-gyeom asked with his eyes. What is this guy? I answered with my eyes too. I don’t know either.

“Park Seong-jae went to recruit again.”

Min-jeong-ssi clicked her tongue and muttered. The moment I heard those words, I realized why Park Seong-jae had run to Choi Tae-gyeom. The club member he said he was short of by just one person, the club welcome party, and my friend Choi Tae-gyeom.

‘…Maybe Choi Tae-gyeom Sunbae doesn’t want to join the club?’

He said he wouldn’t be interested in the club.

I was impressed by Park Seong-jae’s drive. To have the audacity to talk to a senior who wasn’t even close to him, even if he was my friend. Was that what it took to be the head of a club?

“What? Is Tae-gyeom Sunbae coming with us?”

“I don’t know. Seong-jae Hyung must have gone to coax him?”

“I don’t think he’ll come with us…”

The club members also seemed flustered by the sudden situation. Most of them thought he wouldn’t come, but here and there, selfish desires for him to come were popping up. At that, I unconsciously pulled my hat down further.

Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t like these kinds of gatherings. So, of course, Park Seong-jae would be rejected soon. There was no way Choi Tae-gyeom, who wasn’t sociable, would join a place full of strangers. In the first place, I hadn’t apologized, so he would still be angry.

“…He’s coming with us?”

But my prediction that he would be rejected soon was shattered in an instant. It was because a familiar pheromone rushed in at the same time as Kim Do-hyun said it in a reluctant voice. When I looked up, I saw Choi Tae-gyeom standing behind Park Seong-jae.

“…”

“…”

Choi Tae-gyeom and I looked at each other without saying a word. He looked a little haggard, somehow, seeing him for the first time in a week. Was he sick or something? That thought was fleeting. Park Seong-jae shouted in an excited voice.

“Okay, let’s go drink!”

The destination was quickly decided. Park Seong-jae, who was as decisive as a club president should be, immediately found a spacious bar not far from the school that could accommodate about ten people. Park Seong-jae led the way with his arm around Kim Do-hyun’s shoulder, and Min-jeong-ssi, who was playing a phone game, followed behind. I, who was awkwardly avoiding Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze, pretended to watch the game Min-jeong-ssi was playing and brushed past him.

“Is that fun?”

“It’s okay. It’s kind of like I’m doing it out of spite?”

Min-jeong-ssi skillfully manipulated the character. She didn’t even look ahead as she walked, and she didn’t hesitate to move her feet. Naturally standing on the side closer to the road, Min-jeong-ssi glanced up at me.

“…Do you want to try?”

“No, I’m not good at that kind of thing.”

I wasn’t good at computer games, let alone phone games. I had tried it a few times with Choi Tae-gyeom, but I couldn’t get into it, so I gave up. Choi Tae-gyeom was good at that kind of thing. The thoughts that flowed like water made me conscious of Choi Tae-gyeom again.

I could feel his gaze even though I was wearing a hat pulled down low. It couldn’t even be compared to the way Kim Do-hyun glanced at me. Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze was intense, persistent, and flickered as if it would burn me to death.

“Are you not going to play anymore?”

Min-jeong-ssi put her phone away, having cleared the stage. As we widened the distance that had narrowed as I watched the game, Min-jeong-ssi shook her head lightly.

“It’s dangerous to do it while walking.”

“You’ve been doing it just fine until now.”

“Anyway.”

Min-jeong-ssi looked at a passing motorcycle and pulled my sleeve. She nagged me to stand closer to her because it was dangerous. At the same time, I felt an intense pheromone following the back of my head.

“But why did you say you’d join the club all of a sudden? You hate that kind of thing.”

“Just because. Park Seong-jae kept pestering me.”

I stroked the back of my head for no reason. I was glad I wore a hat, or else I would have had to endure all the blatant gazes by myself.

“I’m just putting my name on the list. I’m not going to participate in any activities.”

Min-jeong-ssi nodded as if she understood. She seemed to have grasped the general situation after hearing that Park Seong-jae had been pestering me and that I wasn’t going to participate in any activities. Clicking her tongue, she said in a playful voice.

“Anyway, you’re surprisingly soft.”

“Me?”

I thought Park Seong-jae was ruthless. As I added that, Min-jeong-ssi’s eyes widened. It wasn’t because of what I said. Hoo-ah, at the same time as the pheromone poured out, Choi Tae-gyeom came between us.

“Are all the ruthless people dead?”

Whisk, my hat was taken off. Beyond the suddenly brightened vision, I saw Choi Tae-gyeom pulling at the corners of his mouth. Choi Tae-gyeom tilted the stolen hat and naturally put his arm around my neck.

“How long are you going to avoid me?”

Min-jeong-ssi cautiously looked around and quickened her pace. She was quick-witted, so she must have decided it was better to give us some space. As I awkwardly swept back my hair, Choi Tae-gyeom gently stroked my hair.

“It’s okay. Your hair isn’t messed up.”

His careful touch was the same as before. The subtly wafting pheromone, the gentle voice, and even the act of wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Rustle, rustle, the fingers brushing against my hair were ticklish.

“…I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“I know.”

I wanted to make excuses. That I hadn’t been deliberately avoiding him, that the past week was different from the five years I had been running away. That I hadn’t intended to get angry like that, that I hadn’t contacted him because I was sorry and lacked the courage to apologize.

“You’re just.”

Choi Tae-gyeom spoke casually. My hat was already on his head. He smoothed my hair and continued in a nonchalant voice.

“You were just sorry.”

It felt as if the week had melted away. I liked the feeling of his hand stroking my hair, and I even had the sentimental thought that I wanted time to stop like this. The sadness of the past week was disappearing without a trace.

I was stupid to think that it would be better to cut off contact with Choi Tae-gyeom. How could I cut off the lingering feelings I hadn’t been able to cut off for five years in just a week? I didn’t even know how deeply the learned longing would permeate.

“I’ve known you for how many years.”

Choi Tae-gyeom laughed playfully and pressed down on my head. He added in a nonchalant voice, as if asking if I thought he wouldn’t know that. This time too, I didn’t apologize, but he seemed to be generously letting it go. I was grateful and sorry for that, so I lightly held the hand he had placed on my shoulder.

“I misspoke.”

His large hand was very warm. I could feel him flinching as our fingers intertwined naturally. Unlike me, whose hands and feet were always cold, he boasted a warm body temperature even in the middle of winter. That’s why he got fevers easily, and that’s why he was like a walking hot pack when he was young.

“So… mentioning the old stuff.”

I regretted that I wasn’t good with words. It would be nice if I could explain it in more detail. I was afraid that I would reveal my feelings for him if I said something wrong. At least I should have properly formed the sentence, ‘I’m sorry for mentioning your trauma.’

“No… well…”

Choi Tae-gyeom showed an unusually flustered expression and trailed off. The arm around my shoulder seemed to have stiffened a little. He cleared his throat and slowly intertwined his fingers with mine.

“It’s okay. I misspoke too.”

Our joined hands soon fell apart. I was sorry about that, but I couldn’t show it. Or maybe it was a good thing. Otherwise, the throbbing of my heart would have been transmitted along the places where we touched. The warmth left on my fingertips tickled, tickling my chest.

The bar that Park Seong-jae found wasn’t far from the school. It wasn’t structured like rooms, but there were partitions between each section, and the group seating was quite good. Despite it being early evening, the bustling interior was full of students who had come after school like us.

“Okay, to the club!”

The drinking session was quickly heating up. The purpose was nominally a club welcome party, but Park Seong-jae was, of course, the one drinking the most enthusiastically. Park Seong-jae twisted the caps of the soju bottles as soon as he opened them, and he led the drinking session by constantly leading drinking games. It was a good thing there were partitions between the tables, or else we would have been kicked out long ago.

And of course, Choi Tae-gyeom and I didn’t participate in the drinking games. I didn’t like those kinds of games, and Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t like these kinds of drinking sessions. There was also no one who would force us older students to play drinking games, so naturally, he and I ended up sitting in a corner.

“…The English Literature kids are really good at having fun.”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who had been watching them for a while, muttered in astonishment. The hat he had stolen from me was still on his head. It was just a black hat, but perhaps because it was Choi Tae-gyeom, it suited him very well.

“Half of them are from other departments.”

“Still, that one’s in English Literature.”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s finger pointed to one side. Just then, Park Seong-jae, who had been caught in a penalty, was downing a shot of soju in a beer glass.

That damn bastard. If he gets drunk this time, I’m definitely abandoning him on the street.

“…But didn’t you have plans?”

Ahem, I cleared my throat and changed the subject. It’s not like I have any particular attachment to the English Language and Literature department, but I was embarrassed by the bear who was making a drunken scene. I should never say I’m in the same department as him.

“I canceled them.”

Choi Tae-gyeom replied in a calm voice. I knew it, there’s no way he’d be standing at the front gate at this hour if he didn’t have plans.

“Those, your friends?”

“Which friends?”

“You know, the ones you were having lunch with.”

The people I ran into at the sushi restaurant a while ago came to mind. I didn’t remember their faces, but I did remember that they were all about as tall as Choi Tae-gyeom. And that they had been staring at me and Choi Tae-gyeom for a long time, even while sitting at their table.

“Oh, them.”

Choi Tae-gyeom narrowed his eyes and slowly nodded. Even while answering in the affirmative, he had a displeased expression. I wondered why he was making this face, and then he added with a reluctant tone, asking how I, of all people, remembered them.

“What do you take me for…”

I muttered in bewilderment, but it wasn’t wrong. If they weren’t Choi Tae-gyeom’s friends, I wouldn’t have remembered them. The fact that he had friends I didn’t know didn’t sit well with me, so it was naturally imprinted in my mind. Even then, I didn’t remember anything except that there were three of them.

“What do I take you for? You never even knew the class president’s name every year.”

I couldn’t refute that. As he said, I had never bothered to memorize the class president’s name throughout my school years. When there was a class president election, I just picked the kid who gave the first speech, and after they were elected, I always just called them ‘Class President.’ Since there was a designated title, I never even tried to memorize it.

“You only knew exactly three people in your class when you were in school. You, me, and the class president.”

“……”

“You probably don’t even remember who the vice president was.”

Everything he said was correct. I could at least vaguely remember the class presidents, but I couldn’t even recall if there was a vice president.

“You have a good brain, so why can’t you remember people’s faces?”

Choi Tae-gyeom adjusted his hat and pulled at the corners of his mouth. I thought the gently curved corners of his lips were really pretty. How does he have lips like that?

“I don’t know… They just don’t catch my eye.”

I spoke slowly, my gaze fixed on his lips. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he grew up seeing such beautiful things that nothing else caught his eye.

“Sunbae, can I get some water…”

As we were having this pointless conversation, Kim Do-hyun, who was mixed in with the group, slipped out to the side. He had been accepting everything they gave him, saying he was a freshman, and his face was a little flushed. I poured him a glass of water, and Choi Tae-gyeom clicked his tongue irritably. I pretended not to hear him muttering about how he didn’t have hands or feet.

“Drink in moderation.”

“Thank you.”

Kim Do-hyun politely thanked me and gulped down the water I handed him. The sigh that escaped him suggested he had drunk a lot. After putting down the glass, he picked up some snacks with his chopsticks and stared at me blankly.

“Sunbae, don’t you drink?”

“I don’t really like it.”

It wasn’t that I had a low tolerance. I could drink as much as other people, but it was hard to control my pheromone when I drank. It would be a disaster if even a little Omega pheromone came out, so it’s best not to drink at all.

“Then let’s play a drinking game together. I’ll drink if Sunbae gets caught.”

“No, not really…”

I didn’t really want to mingle that much. I’m not good at it in the first place, and I don’t have the confidence to mix in with that noisy energy. Besides, there was no reason for Kim Do-hyun to drink for me. So I was going to refuse, but the answer came from Choi Tae-gyeom.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

It was a cool and refreshing answer. Startled, I turned my head, and he took off his hat and put it on my head. In that instant, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone poured out.

“You should mingle since you came all the way here.”

He definitely didn’t mean it. Since when was he the type to play along with the atmosphere? I could clearly picture him guarding my side while I slept soundly during the school trip, even when the other kids were up all night making noise. Rather, he would scold the noisy ones to be quiet.

“There’s no need to do that.”

I said with a sullen expression and tugged at my collar. He smoothed down my messed-up hair and stroked the top of my hat. His softly curving eyes were the same pretty eye smile he had when he was young.

“I want to.”

“……”

It had been like this since we were very young. When he makes that smile and says those words, I can’t refuse him no matter what he says. What can I do? Choi Tae-gyeom wants to do it. I have to let him do whatever he wants.

“Is Yoon-woo hyung going to play too? Huh, Tae-gyeom sunbae too?”

Park Seong-jae seemed genuinely happy that the number of people was increasing. I guarantee he would have gladly given up his seat even if the other person was a stranger.

I wasn’t really in the mood, but I was planning to dump all the penalty drinks on Kim Do-hyun if it came down to it.

“Then Tae-gyeom sunbae will do! His favorite! Random! Game!”

Things progressed smoothly. Park Seong-jae moved his arms in a circle and immediately started the game, and the person to start the game was Choi Tae-gyeom.

It was at that moment that Choi Tae-gyeom made a meaningful expression.

“Ah, this is exciting. This is fun.”

With those familiar words, the quick-witted ones picked up their chopsticks and kept the beat. Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice had no inflection, but it was enough to understand what game it was. It was a game where you point at someone with your chopsticks, shout out numbers as the chopsticks move along, and the person pointed at by the number called out by the tagger has to drink.

“The Game of Death!”

Chopsticks crossed in the air. I pointed at Park Seong-jae, and Choi Tae-gyeom pointed at Kim Do-hyun. It didn’t matter who the others pointed at. Choi Tae-gyeom curled up the corners of his lips and said this.

“1.”

Kim Do-hyun’s eyes widened. Choi Tae-gyeom clicked his chopsticks at him, who was moving his lips as if he was flustered, and smiled.

“Drink.”

That was the beginning.

Choi Tae-gyeom made him drink in so many different ways. No matter what game came up, he accurately targeted Kim Do-hyun, and he pushed him to the limit without ruining the atmosphere. At first, the others were cautiously watching, but as soon as Kim Do-hyun readily accepted the drinks, they quickly joined in the bullying.

Of course, Kim Do-hyun didn’t just take it. He couldn’t shout ‘1’ outright like Choi Tae-gyeom, but he brought out games he was confident in and made Choi Tae-gyeom drink several times. While they were emptying four or five bottles of soju, I couldn’t even properly participate in the game.

“…Let’s make a bomb shot.”

How many glasses had he drunk? Kim Do-hyun, who had put down his soju glass with a thud, said with slightly unfocused eyes. No matter how strong his tolerance was, he couldn’t help but get drunk after drinking so much in such a short period of time.

“Don’t force yourself to drink if you can’t drink anymore.In contrast, Choi Tae-gyeom even had the leisure to smile and fill his empty glass. He seemed to be acting like a kind senior, but to me, he just seemed suspicious, like a coiled snake. After all, Choi Tae-gyeom was the one who started this bullying in the first place.

Well, it wasn’t my place to interfere. Everyone’s an adult, so they’ll adjust themselves so they don’t die. It would be a problem if they couldn’t go home because they were drunk, but I could think about that after the drinking party was over.

However, it was a little different if Choi Tae-gyeom got drunk.

“Drink in moderation too.”

I slipped him some water, worried. I could feel Kim Do-hyun watching me. Choi Tae-gyeom leaned his cheek on my shoulder instead of taking the water. And he peeked up and smiled.

“Do I look drunk?”

“……”

The body temperature touching my shoulder was hot. My face flushed at the languid smile. His cheeks were warm, similar to the last time he drank. He seemed more sober then, so I don’t think I need to worry yet, but the way he smiles with his eyes is still unsettling.

So, to check his temperature, I put my hand on his cheek like last time. As I gently stroked his soft skin, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone intensified. His face seemed to be flushed under the bar lights. Maybe he’s more drunk than last time.

“Your face…”

I couldn’t say, ‘is red.’ Because Park Seong-jae slammed his beer glass down with a thud!

“If you get caught this time, you’re going down!”

When I turned my gaze, I saw a beer glass in the middle of the table. The 500cc glass was filled with a yellowish liquid. It looked like beer at first glance, but it probably wasn’t just beer. No, to be exact, it probably wasn’t just beer ‘only.’

“Who mixed it in such a barbaric glass?”

Forgetting that I was worried about Choi Tae-gyeom, I frowned. I scolded Park Seong-jae, asking if he had finally gone crazy, but he didn’t even listen. He was already so drunk that he was completely out of his mind. Who’s going to drink that?

“The Youngest said to make it, so we have to make it!”

Kim Do-hyun, who had already established himself as the Youngest, smiled awkwardly. He had said to make a bomb shot, but he probably didn’t expect such a barbaric drink to come out. It was the price he paid for not knowing what kind of person Park Seong-jae was and for not thinking things through.

“That…”

“Okay, Do-hyun is! Doing! His favorite! Random, game!”

Before Kim Do-hyun could even speak, Park Seong-jae forced the game. A death match with an enormous bomb shot on the line. Kim Do-hyun glanced at me and got up from his seat.

“Sense Game 1.”

It was a wise decision. After all, the person who started the game can never get caught.

“2!”

The speed at which the numbers went up was fast. 3, 4, 5… As the numbers went up one by one, I just watched them blankly. As a rule, in a sense game, if you stay still, you can at least avoid the penalty. Choi Tae-gyeom must have been thinking the same thing as me, as he didn’t get up and remained seated.

“8!”

The club member who got up eighth let out a sigh of relief. In contrast, I heard a worried sigh.

“I knew this would happen.”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s muttering was clear. I blinked and opened my eyes, and all eyes were on us. I looked at Choi Tae-gyeom, who was still sitting, once, and then at the guys who were all standing up, and raised my eyebrows.

“…Are there ten of us?”

Min-jeong-ssi, who was nearby, burst out laughing. She even said, ‘Oppa, get up instead of doing that.’

It was absurd. How could a sense game go all the way to the end when there were ten people? My mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“Okay, okay, if you don’t say 9, it’s the bomb shot!”

Park Seong-jae shouted, but I couldn’t get up. If I got up, Choi Tae-gyeom would get caught, and then Choi Tae-gyeom would have to drink that bomb shot. Wouldn’t it be better for me, who was completely sober, to drink it than for him, who was already drunk?

“Lee Yoon-woo.”

Choi Tae-gyeom called me in a whisper. When I turned my head to him, he frowned as if he didn’t like something. And then he whispered once more.

“Aren’t you getting up?”

“……”

Would you get up if you were me?

I even had that thought. Should I get caught and make Kim Do-hyun drink this? Of course, I couldn’t do it, and Choi Tae-gyeom was faster than me. Choi Tae-gyeom sighed and got up from his seat.

Yeah, it’s better for me to drink it than you. As I thought that and reached for the bomb shot, it happened.

“……Hey!”

Without hesitation, he took the glass and started drinking. I was so surprised that I jumped up, but he had already drunk half of the bomb shot. Like drinking water, the unidentified liquid disappeared down his throat.

“Ooh! Choi Tae-gyeom! Choi Tae-gyeom!”

Park Seong-jae, who was watching this, induced a response in an excited voice. The club members, who were already half drunk, shouted in unison. It seemed that the act of ‘drinking a bomb shot’ itself was important, no matter who drank it. You’re like apes, I call this a club…

“…Ah, it’s disgustingly bitter.”

Choi Tae-gyeom, who had put down the glass with a thud, slumped back into his seat. He covered his mouth and frowned, as if his stomach was bloated. I couldn’t grab him or sit down, and just awkwardly looked down at the top of Choi Tae-gyeom’s head. Did he just down that huge glass?

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you sitting?”

Choi Tae-gyeom made me sit down like that. Unlike what I was worried about, his complexion wasn’t that bad. The expression he had been frowning with also relaxed the moment his eyes met mine.

“Are you okay?”

I asked in a hurried voice and looked at his face from side to side. His handsome face, no matter where I looked at it from, wasn’t much different from before.

“I’m oka…”

Choi Tae-gyeom was about to answer right away, but he looked around. The guys who had been playing drinking games without a break seemed to have decided to take a break, and were drinking peacefully. Among them, Choi Tae-gyeom looked directly at Kim Do-hyun.

“No, I’m not okay.”

After saying that, he leaned his head on my shoulder. Instead of asking what was wrong, I let him lean on my shoulder a little more comfortably, and he brought his face closer to my neck. He narrowed his eyes and mumbled softly.

“I think I’m getting drunk.”

“Of course you’re getting drunk.”

If he was a normal person, he would have gotten drunk just from drinking the bomb shot in the beer glass. But Choi Tae-gyeom had already drunk a lot of alcohol before that. I don’t know how much his alcohol tolerance is, but if he wasn’t a whale, he would have gotten drunk.

“Are you going to the bathroom? Can you hold it?”

Choi Tae-gyeom buried his face in my neck and breathed out. Because he had drunk alcohol, his breath was very hot against my bare skin. He slowly pulled at the corners of his mouth and answered in a voice mixed with laughter.

“Why, are you going to help me pee?”

“No, you crazy bastard…”

There’s nothing he can’t say. I scolded him like that, but he didn’t care. Choi Tae-gyeom just put his hand on my thigh and leaned on me a little more comfortably. When I put my hand on his flushed cheek, his pheromone rushed in.

“Are you really okay?”

“Mmm…”

With a soft groan, he rubbed his face against my hand. It was a tantalizing sensation, like a cat being affectionate. A ticklish sensation rose from my lower abdomen at the soft feeling, but I tried to ignore it. What am I thinking, taking advantage of a drunk guy?

“Your hand is cool.”

Choi Tae-gyeom said slowly. His pronunciation seemed fine, but he seemed drunk from his drawn-out tone. I swallowed hard and subtly took my hand away from Choi Tae-gyeom’s face. For a brief moment, a look of disappointment crossed his face.

“You seem very drunk, wouldn’t it be better to send him home first?”

Kim Do-hyun looked at Choi Tae-gyeom as if he was very worried. He was the epitome of a polite junior, but for some reason, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone fluctuated greatly. I lowered my head to meet Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyes and asked carefully.

“What do you want to do? Do you want to go home first?”

The club members seemed to be engrossed in drinking among themselves. Judging from the fact that they weren’t reacting to the overflowing Alpha pheromone, it seemed that I was the only Omega in the club. I think Park Seong-jae said something like, ‘There are only Betas in our club.’ Only Kim Do-hyun was staring at us intently.

“I’ll take you home…”

As I slowly opened my mouth, Choi Tae-gyeom lifted his eyelids. My face was clearly reflected in his slightly blurry eyes.

“…Are you going to take me home?”

“I’ll take you home and then I can go to my parents’ house and sleep.”

I don’t have any classes tomorrow anyway, and it’s a quick taxi ride home. It wouldn’t be bad to go to my parents’ house and show my face without having to come back.

“What do you want to do?”

“……”

Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t answer. He just buried his face in my neck and breathed intermittently. He shouldn’t fall asleep like this. I thought it would be best to give him some water first, so I reached out to Kim Do-hyun and turned my gaze.

“Can I get some water over there…”

“Let’s go.”

“Huff,” a pheromone wafted over. At that moment, Choi Tae-gyeom seemed more sober than ever. His pronunciation was accurate, and he certainly expressed his intentions. Of course, judging by his flushed breathing and the potent pheromones he was emitting, it was likely just another part of his drunken stupor.

“Take me home.”

He was talking to me, but his gaze was fixed on Kim Do-hyun. Perhaps he was too drunk to focus. Choi Tae-gyeom held my thigh tightly and whispered sweetly.

“I want to go home.”

“Uh… okay…”

My core tightened involuntarily. I was so tense that my throat felt parched. Choi Tae-gyeom’s warmth was close, and his Alpha pheromone was blatant. My heart began to pound fiercely.

“Let’s get you some water first…”

I managed to say, trying to sound nonchalant, but Choi Tae-gyeom rubbed his face against my shoulder like a spoiled child. I was so flustered by this that I grabbed Choi Tae-gyeom’s arm and stammered.

“W-we need to get your things…”

“…Uhh.”

Did alcohol usually hit this suddenly? Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t seem to hear me. Judging by his increasingly ragged breathing, his drunkenness seemed to be intensifying. The problem was that his pheromones were growing stronger along with it.

“Snap out of it, okay?”

A siren blared in my head. If this continued, my lower body would react as it had at the Japanese restaurant. The pheromones were one thing, but the breath on my neck was crucial. To make matters worse, his drunken hand slowly delved into the inside of my thigh.

“…”

What did I do to deserve this ordeal? The slow, snakelike caress and the hot breath were all too vivid.

“Lee Yoon-woo…”

Ah, this was the limit.

“Here… lean on this for a second.”

I roughly pulled Choi Tae-gyeom away and made him lean against the back of the chair. He stared at me with wide eyes as his body was suddenly pushed back. It was fortunate that the bar was dimly lit. Otherwise, he would have quickly noticed my face turning as red as a tomato.

“I’m just going to have a quick smoke… then we can get ready to go home. Okay?”

I got up without waiting for an answer. Choi Tae-gyeom’s lips moved as if he was flustered, but I pretended not to notice. I pulled my hat down low and walked towards the smoking room without looking back.

I felt the pack of cigarettes I always carried in my coat pocket. I had only smoked two cigarettes in the past week. I must have saved them for this day. With that thought, I hurriedly pulled out the cigarette pack.

Fortunately, the smoking room, located far away, was empty. There was a glass wall and an ashtray in the center. There was a chair on one side of the wall, but instead of sitting, I walked towards the ashtray. I felt relieved that I could finally wash away the pheromones that were plastered all over me.

“…Haa.”

As soon as I lit the cigarette, the knot in my stomach seemed to loosen. The breath on my neck, and the overwhelming pheromones. My head, which had been intoxicated by him, began to clear little by little.

Did Choi Tae-gyeom know? That he had groped my thigh while drunk. No, even if he did find out, he wouldn’t care because he didn’t know that I was horny for him.

Why did that bastard have to drink that stuff and put me to the test? I resented Kim Do-hyun for telling them to make it, and Park Seong-jae for actually making it. No, was it my fault for even participating in the drinking game in the first place?

With each puff of cigarette smoke, the pheromones dissipated little by little. Choi Tae-gyeom’s dominant Alpha pheromone couldn’t be erased by this measly cigarette, but it still helped me regain my sanity.

But as my head cleared, I felt overwhelmed by the thought of having to support that limp body and take him home. Judging by his condition, I would have to hold him close, and I wasn’t sure if I could endure it.

Knock, knock.

As I blankly exhaled smoke, someone lightly knocked on the door of the smoking room. When I turned my head, I saw Kim Do-hyun with a perfectly composed face. Kim Do-hyun nodded slightly and opened the door to the smoking room.

“…You smoke?”

It was an unexpected person. I had never seen him smoke before, and I felt a little uncomfortable. I didn’t welcome the uninvited guest who had invaded my personal space.

“Should I leave if you’re uncomfortable?”

Kim Do-hyun replied, taking out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. It wasn’t a pheromone cigarette, just a regular cigarette that kids usually smoked.

“No, it’s fine…”

Kim Do-hyun smiled and put a cigarette in his mouth, taking my reaction as acceptance. It wasn’t like this was my private property, and there was no reason to tell him to leave when he wanted to smoke in the smoking room. Besides, I was planning to smoke a couple more and leave anyway.

“Can I borrow a light?”

Kim Do-hyun took the lighter and walked towards the chair by the wall. The way he crossed his legs and lit the cigarette didn’t look like the work of someone who had only smoked once or twice. He must be barely twenty years old, when did he start smoking?

“Yoon-woo sunbae.”

“What is it?”

A faint smile returned at my curt reply. As I threw away the burnt cigarette, Kim Do-hyun’s gaze followed the cigarette butt.

“How much can Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae drink?”

It was a very random question. He really was curious, I thought, as I took out another cigarette.

“I don’t know… Oh, you have the lighter, right?”

“Right, here.”

Our fingertips brushed slightly when I received the lighter. It was similar to when he handed me the glass of water earlier. Kim Do-hyun clenched and unclenched his hand that had brushed against mine, and muttered quietly.

“He seemed to hold his liquor well…”

So? I didn’t ask out loud, but he seemed to have caught on to my thoughts. He shrugged and looked towards our table. Of course, the table wasn’t even visible from this distance.

“Are you sure you’re okay taking him home alone? Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae is tall.”

“It’ll be easier than taking Park Seong-jae home.”

Choi Tae-gyeom was just tall, at least he wasn’t bulky. I would have to see how he walked to know for sure, but it wouldn’t be too difficult if I called a taxi. Of course, it might be ten times more difficult mentally.

“I’m still a little worried.”

“You worry about everything.”

I let out a hollow laugh. He had drunk quite a bit earlier too, he should worry about himself instead of worrying about me. He would be drinking for a long time if he went back to the party, I just hoped he wouldn’t get too drunk.

“More than that…”

Kim Do-hyun shrugged and started. He exhaled a long stream of cigarette smoke and looked up at me.

“You really don’t know about Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae, do you?”

“Know what?”

The smoking room was filled with cigarette smoke. The tension that had been enveloping my body had also eased a lot. Choi Tae-gyeom would hate it if I smelled like this. How should I get rid of the smell? I was thinking about that as I exhaled a puff of cigarette smoke.

“That you’re an Omega.”

Thud, I stopped moving. My mind went blank, and for that moment, I even forgot that I had a cigarette in my mouth. When I slowly turned my head, our eyes met in the air.

What did he just say?

“I thought you were pretending not to know, but it seems like you really don’t.”

Kim Do-hyun’s voice was relaxed. It was as casual and nonchalant as saying that he had eaten kimchi stew for lunch. It was so casual that I wondered if I had misheard him.

“…What did you just say?”

I didn’t feel like smoking any more. Kim Do-hyun, who had lowered his eyes, felt unreal, and my heart seemed to drop and skip a beat.

“I said you’re an Omega.”

Ashes fell from the cigarette I was holding. Kim Do-hyun followed the ashes with his eyes and took a deep drag of his cigarette.

“You’re an Omega, and Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae doesn’t know that.”

It was a confident tone. It didn’t sound like he was making a bet, nor did it seem like he was trying to gauge my reaction. In the first place, he couldn’t have such a calm expression if it was just a suspicion. Kim Do-hyun was asserting that I was an Omega, as if he was explaining a ‘fact’ that he really knew.

“Are you smoking… because of the pheromones?”

Instead of answering right away, I bit down on the burnt cigarette. The burning cigarette butt near the filter flickered before my eyes. I chewed on the filter, and felt a slightly bitter taste.

“…Why?”

I felt suffocated. Was it because I had been in a poorly ventilated place for too long, or was it because Kim Do-hyun’s pheromones were unknowingly leaking out? My heart was sinking endlessly, making it difficult to breathe. Kim Do-hyun stared at me silently.

“Why do you, think that?”

“It was obvious.”

It was obvious.

It had already been five years since I had hidden the fact that I was an Omega. I smoked cigarettes, took suppressants, and didn’t leave the house when I was in heat. I had been deceiving everyone for years, but he, who I hadn’t even known for a month, said it was obvious.

“Well, you hid it well. I just have a good sense.”

Kim Do-hyun’s words were of no comfort. I could tell that my face had turned pale without having to check. He clicked his tongue briefly as he looked at me.

“I’m sorry if you make that face…”

What a hypocrite. It was even more absurd that he looked genuinely sorry. If he was sorry, he should have just pretended not to know. Why bring it up and then pretend to care?

“I’m really good at smelling pheromones… no, smells.”

I crossed my arms and slowly leaned against the glass wall. I was worried about Choi Tae-gyeom outside, but I needed to listen to Kim Do-hyun’s story to the end first. There must be a reason why he suddenly brought up the Omega topic to me.

“I thought you were using a good perfume at first because you smelled so good. It was a little too,”

Kim Do-hyun chose his words carefully, watching my reaction. But when I didn’t show any particular reaction, he said what he had originally intended to say.

“Subtle to be pheromones.”

It was a predictable remark.

“But you kept showing strange behavior.”

“…”

“At the freshman orientation, your face changed as soon as Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae came in, right?”

Strictly speaking, it was because someone had called Choi Tae-gyeom’s name. It wasn’t a reaction to Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones, but a reaction to the three syllables of Choi Tae-gyeom’s name. Instead of pointing that out, I quietly lowered my eyes.

“And then you reacted noticeably to the word Omega…”

Kim Do-hyun frowned as he pondered. As if he had remembered something, his dark eyes sparkled for a moment.

“That’s right, do you know this? When people say that Alpha pheromones are on you, Betas usually smell it first. They think pheromones are like smells or fragrances.”

At the freshman orientation, Kim Do-hyun told me that Alpha pheromones were on me. He watched my reaction, and when I brushed it off nonchalantly, he looked like he wanted to say something.

“But you didn’t do that.”

So that’s what he wanted to say. My head felt numb as if I had been hit in the back of the head.

“So I thought it was strange.”

This wasn’t so much that I had given it away, but that Kim Do-hyun’s senses were abnormally developed. Normal people wouldn’t suspect someone of being an Omega just because they didn’t smell it. They wouldn’t suspect someone who claimed to be a Beta, and they wouldn’t react sensitively to the changing complexion. No, they wouldn’t even be able to sense Omega pheromones from me in the first place.

“What confused me the most was at the Japanese restaurant. I poured out pheromones to check, but you ignored it as if nothing happened.”

That was what happened at the restaurant a week ago. Kim Do-hyun suddenly released pheromones, and I smoothed my expression as if nothing had happened. So, his strange behavior back then was to confirm that I was an Omega.

“I’m a dominant one too, but I thought you weren’t because you didn’t react.”

My head cooled down. I was too surprised earlier, but now I didn’t feel anything at all.

I’ve been found out. Yes, I’ve finally been found out.

“But after Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae came… you got hard, right?”

I had always thought that I would be found out someday. Seeing everyone except my parents think of me as a Beta made me feel a little frustrated. I had always been preparing myself, and I had been simulating every day in preparation for the day I would reveal it. That time had finally come.

“That’s when I was sure.”

“…”

“Ah, Yoon-woo sunbae is an Omega.”

Paradoxically, I was feeling a sense of relief along with the anxiety. The fact that I didn’t have to hide it anymore was more refreshing than the fact that I had been found out. My fingertips were trembling with anxiety, but I was still okay.

“And you, the cycle of smoking is too weird. It looks like you’re smoking to get rid of pheromones.”

“…You’re smart.”

The pheromones that I had been suppressing flowed out. There was no need to hide it, and no desire to hide it. In the first place, suppressing physiological pheromones was very uncomfortable and difficult.

“You’re right.”

I slowly took out another cigarette. It was a faint pheromone, but I had to smoke to get rid of it. Even if he was drunk, Choi Tae-gyeom would react sensitively.

“I’m an Omega.”

Chiiik, I lit the cigarette and inhaled the smoke. The cigarette smoke that entered deep into my lungs neutralized the faint pheromones. Because I was recessive, my pheromones were easily erased even by this artificial fragrance. In a way, it was embarrassing to even call myself an Omega.

“Choi Tae-gyeom doesn’t know.”

Kim Do-hyun’s expression changed. He, who had been nonchalant all along, was now looking at me as if he was observing me. I let out a self-deprecating sigh and flicked off the ashes.

“So?”

I didn’t know what he wanted from me. If he didn’t have any thoughts, he made a mistake, and if he wanted me to be scared, he was hateful. If you want to dig up someone else’s secret, you should be prepared to take on something yourself.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Hoo, I exhaled the cigarette smoke. I wasn’t angry. I just felt empty and a little wronged. I felt stupid for trying so hard to hide such insignificant pheromones.

Kim Do-hyun looked at me and answered in a calm voice.

“I didn’t say it because I wanted anything in particular.”

I should have listened to Choi Tae-gyeom. I shouldn’t have played with Kim Do-hyun, I shouldn’t have associated with him, if I hadn’t, this wouldn’t have happened. It was too late to regret it.

“I was just curious. Why you’re pretending to be a Beta.”

I didn’t resent him. Rather, his calm voice calmed my anxious heart a little.

“Choi Tae-gyeom hates Omegas.”

I took another drag of the cigarette. I could tell that Kim Do-hyun was looking at me through the hazy vision.

“I like Choi Tae-gyeom.”

Kim Do-hyun had an unreadable expression. He wasn’t sorry like before, nor was he observing me. He was just looking at me silently, as if he was going to listen to what I had to say. Seeing that, I burst out laughing inappropriately.

“Was it obvious?”

“Yes.”

The answer was concise. Yes, it must have been obvious, why doesn’t Choi Tae-gyeom know? That was also absurd.

“Why don’t you confess?”

“I don’t have the courage to confess.”

I couldn’t look at Kim Do-hyun this time. My fingertips were still trembling, and I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact. He seemed to have noticed that the hand that was putting out the cigarette was trembling slightly.

“Aren’t you going to tell me not to tell anyone?”

“If I tell you not to tell anyone, will you not tell anyone?”

I knew it in my head. To keep the secret, at least not to tell Choi Tae-gyeom. That I had to say that and beg him earnestly.

“Just do whatever you want.”

But I didn’t want to. It wasn’t just because of pride, but because the emotions that I had hidden deep inside kept pushing their way out. The desire not to be found out and the desire to be found out grew together.

“I’d rather be found out.”

Sometimes my mouth itched, and sometimes I writhed in frustration. Even if I pretended to be a Beta, I wouldn’t become a Beta, and I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible and see the end of this relationship.

Then what if I was inevitably found out? Then at least I would be comfortable. It was an emotion that even I couldn’t understand, but it was true.

“Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae.”

Kim Do-hyun couldn’t continue after saying Choi Tae-gyeom’s name. His slightly furrowed brow made it seem like there was something he didn’t like.

“Why does he hate Omegas?”

“Do you like Tae-gyeom?”

“…What?”

It was a question that I asked without much thought, but it unexpectedly brought a big reaction. Kim Do-hyun was looking at me with a very dumbfounded expression. His wide eyes felt like they were scolding me.

“How can you look like that?”

“Oh, well…”

I trailed off awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. I was just testing the waters since he seemed interested, but it looks like I completely misjudged the situation. Kim Do-hyun scoffed and retorted coldly.

“I hate that sunbae.”

“…Are you saying that in front of me right now?”

How presumptuous. To brazenly say he hates Choi Tae-gyeom, knowing that I like him. Of course, judging by Choi Tae-gyeom’s attitude, it would be stranger if Kim Do-hyun liked him.

“Shouldn’t you be asking if I like sunbae instead?”

Kim Do-hyun asked with a slightly awkward tone, as if he wanted me to ask him that. But I only had one answer for him.

“I don’t really want to ask that.”

“…Why?”

“If you say no, it’s embarrassing, and if you say yes, it’s awkward.”

If it’s an emotion I can’t take responsibility for, it’s better not to know. I wasn’t brave enough to create an irreversible situation out of mere curiosity. If I had that kind of courage, I would have confessed to Choi Tae-gyeom a long time ago.

“Anything else to say?”

I tossed the cigarette butt into the ashtray. Checking my phone, I realized quite a bit of time had passed. I didn’t know what time I came out for a smoke, but I figured Choi Tae-gyeom had been waiting for me for quite a while.

“If not, I’m going to take Tae-gyeom home.”

As I said that and turned around, I heard a grumbling voice from behind.

“Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae isn’t that drunk.”

Is he blind? How could he not see that he was drunk? Dumbfounded, I turned to look at Kim Do-hyun, who was looking up at me.

“I won’t tell anyone that sunbae is an Omega.”

“…Is that so?”

I just had a feeling. It didn’t seem like Kim Do-hyun brought it up to threaten me. Maybe he was just curious, or maybe he thought it was funny. Whatever the reason, if he intended to spread rumors, he wouldn’t have come to me personally.

So, amidst my disappointment, I felt a sense of relief. Even though I had confidently told him to go ahead and tell everyone, I was relieved to hear that he wouldn’t. How fickle can I be? Even I don’t understand myself.

“I wasn’t trying to threaten you. I just…”

Kim Do-hyun fidgeted with his fingers as if making excuses. It was the first time I saw him hesitant, when he had been so nonchalant the whole time. He sighed briefly, then looked up with a determined expression.

“Sunbae.”

I had an uneasy feeling. A feeling that I might regret hearing what he had to say next. Of course, it was already too late to stop him.

“Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who knows you’re an Omega than someone who doesn’t?”

“…”

I raised my hand and pressed down on my hat. I wish I was just a little less perceptive. The moment I heard those words, I immediately understood what he was trying to say.

“I’m interested in you, sunbae.”

Kim Do-hyun ran a hand over his face, the hand that wasn’t holding a cigarette. He said it so calmly, but the tips of his fingers were trembling slightly. My throat felt tight, as if I had swallowed a stone.

“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s romantic feelings… I’m just saying, wouldn’t it be okay to date casually?”

That’s why I didn’t want to ask. Because I knew there was only one answer I could give to an emotion I couldn’t take responsibility for. Even though I knew it wasn’t polite, all I could think about was escaping this situation. No matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t come up with a clever answer.

“I’m sorry.”

Choi Tae-gyeom, you were right. Kim Do-hyun is interested in me. If I could, I wanted to laugh it off. It was my first time receiving a confession, and it was much more awkward and difficult than I had imagined.

“I can’t do casual dating.”

Kim Do-hyun frowned and pressed his lips together. I awkwardly adjusted my hat and lowered my eyes.

“I told you, I like Choi Tae-gyeom.”

Even though I liked Choi Tae-gyeom, I never dreamed of dating him. To me, dating was a much more serious matter, and it wasn’t something I could easily consider, even with someone I liked. Of course, I couldn’t just say yes to Kim Do-hyun’s youthful enthusiasm.

“And…”

I hesitated whether to say this or not. I wondered if I was just adding unnecessary words, if Kim Do-hyun would be hurt by what I said. Was I being too serious with someone who was only twenty years old? Countless worries flooded my mind, but I chose to speak calmly.

“How long have we known each other that you even know if you like me?”

I never felt any affection from Kim Do-hyun. Affection should come with consideration and interest. But all he showed me was just ‘interest’.

“You don’t know anything about me except that I’m an Omega.”

“What’s that…”

A hollow laugh burst out. Not from me, but from Kim Do-hyun. He covered his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding a cigarette and let out a faint sigh. It was a sigh mixed with laughter, but it felt somewhat self-deprecating.

“What does that matter?”

It was a pretty confident question. It was as if the conditions I mentioned had no effect on Kim Do-hyun. He took a short breath and inhaled the cigarette smoke.

“You have to get to know someone you don’t know. The conditions for dating are met from the moment you want to get to know them.”

The cigarette smoke scattered. The thick smoke briefly blocked the space between Kim Do-hyun and me. His face beyond the smoke felt somehow foreign.

“What’s the fun in dating someone you know everything about from the start?”

I slowly shifted my gaze. How should I answer? My worry was short-lived.

“Then meet someone you can get to know.”

I agree with Kim Do-hyun’s words about getting to know each other. However, I didn’t think of confession and dating as a challenge. I liked Choi Tae-gyeom after I already knew him, and my feelings didn’t change because I knew everything. Doesn’t understanding deepen as you get to know someone?

“Meet someone your age, not me.”

“…Sunbae, you’re so old-fashioned.”

I lightly touched the back of my head at the words that came out like a sigh. I can’t help it if I’m old-fashioned. That’s just how I think.

“And I don’t like younger guys.”

“Huh…”

Kim Do-hyun was now making a truly dumbfounded expression. The light sigh that escaped showed how bewildered he was. I didn’t add anything, but opened the door to the smoking room. Fortunately, Kim Do-hyun didn’t stop me this time.

I didn’t plan to go straight back to the table. I was worried about Choi Tae-gyeom, whom I had left at the party, but it would be better than reeking of cigarette smoke. After leaving the smoking room, I went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and rinsed my mouth before belatedly feeling uneasy.

I didn’t think Kim Do-hyun’s confession was serious. He didn’t seem to like me in the first place, and he even said that he ‘didn’t know if it was romantic feelings’. It was just a light curiosity, or a passing suggestion. It wasn’t the kind of thing that would hurt him if I refused.

Besides, he was different from the kids I had seen so far. Unlike the kids who blushed, stuttered, and teared up, Kim Do-hyun calmly showed his thoughts. It was closer to a unilateral notice than an expression of affection.

‘Tae, Tae-gyeom-ah!’

Countless confessions floated in my head. Of course, the target of the confessions was Choi Tae-gyeom. Choi Tae-gyeom, who was always at the center of attention, was constantly receiving confessions, and I, who was always with him, naturally became a witness to all of them.

‘…I like you.’

The confessions he received were always filled with tension. The person would hesitate for a long time before speaking, and their voice would tremble when they did. It was as if it took so much effort to say ‘I like you’, and they would often look relieved after confessing. And they would add in a trembling voice.

‘I’ve liked you for a long time.’

For a long time, since when have they liked Choi Tae-gyeom?

The lines were similar, but the people were different. There were Omegas, Betas, and occasionally Alphas. Most of them were people I wondered, ‘Where did they even see Choi Tae-gyeom?’, so I sometimes didn’t understand the emotions they expressed.

‘If it’s okay with you…’

How can they be so desperate? I didn’t understand the fact that they had nurtured feelings that even the person himself didn’t know about, and that they were placing expectations on it. I was also amazed that they had nurtured their feelings so much without even talking to Choi Tae-gyeom. I also wondered why they were bothering to express their hidden feelings now.

‘Will you go out with me?’

But emotions are contagious. A word filled with desperation has the power to make the heart flutter. It’s as if I’m the person confessing, and I become immersed in the confession they’re making.

‘I’m sorry.’

So, my heart broke the moment Choi Tae-gyeom said his rejection. His firm expression, and his dry voice, instantly shattered the fluttering heart.

‘I have someone I like.’

It felt like I was the one being rejected. It wasn’t even my confession, but his calm rejection felt like it was directed at me. Even though I didn’t like Choi Tae-gyeom at the time, my heart sank at the words that he had someone he liked. Of course, the person who confessed must have been hurt even more than I was.

I think I was confused. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way. No matter how immersed I was, I was just a passing bystander. I didn’t know if I was allowed to feel these emotions.

He had someone he liked?

Suddenly, the question that came up turned into resentment. I felt bad, a little disappointed, and even betrayed before that. I didn’t like the fact that Choi Tae-gyeom had a relationship that I didn’t know about, and I felt childish but upset.

‘You got another confession.’

So I deliberately acted like I wasn’t interested. I would have pretended not to know normally, but that day I wanted to find out the truth. Choi Tae-gyeom frowned reflexively, and looked a little embarrassed. After a moment of hesitation, he sat down and cautiously asked back.

‘…Did you see?’

‘By chance.’

I answered nonchalantly, but I was actually nervous. My heart was pounding because I was curious about what he would say. What if he told me not to worry about it? Or, what if he shyly told me that he had someone he liked? Choi Tae-gyeom being shy, that was something I couldn’t even imagine.

‘That’s what I have to say for them to listen.’

Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth before I could ask anything. When I didn’t answer, he turned his body towards me and looked straight at me.

‘I have to say I have someone I like for them to give up right away.’

He didn’t seem to be lying. He didn’t seem to be making excuses, and he didn’t seem to be trying to change the subject. He was just saying it to make the other person give up, and he continued without a care.

‘You should reject anyone who confesses to you like that too.’

‘…’

‘Say you have someone you like.’

I laughed in vain. It wasn’t because I was dumbfounded by Choi Tae-gyeom’s words. It was because the resentful heart that had been hurting had melted away. It was out of the blue. Who would even confess to me? He even added advice as if it was a good idea.

‘…Would I even get a confession?’

Looking back now, it was a very strange feeling. I empathized with the person confessing, but I felt relieved when I saw him reject them. I was just a friend, but I felt upset that he had someone he liked. I didn’t know if it was just resentment towards my only friend, or if it was something else. I couldn’t even understand my complex emotions.

‘You might.’

After that, I witnessed him receiving confessions several times. Choi Tae-gyeom rejected most of the confessions with the words ‘I have someone I like’, and each time, the person turned away without regret. Or, to be exact, they couldn’t control their emotions enough to show regret. Most of them cried, got angry, or ran away in embarrassment.

‘What’s it like to get a confession?’

Things that I didn’t understand at the time are now starting to make sense. The only way to kill a growing emotion is to cut off the overflowing parts. Maybe they were trying to cut off the overflowing emotions by force because they couldn’t control them. So they pulled out their hearts even though they knew they would be rejected.

‘Annoying.’

I can’t forget Choi Tae-gyeom saying that. I can’t forget him frowning and sighing as if he was really annoyed. The fact that the only emotion he felt while watching those who cried, laughed, and got angry while saying they liked him was just annoyance.

‘…Aren’t you happy?’

‘What’s there to be happy about when you get a confession from someone you don’t know?’

Choi Tae-gyeom said that and lay down on his desk. He rested his right arm and turned his head to the side to glance up at me. The bangs that had fallen down slightly tickled Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyes.

‘Unless it’s someone you like.’

I thought it was cruel. That emotions could be so one-sided. That hearts could bloom so selfishly. It was beyond pitiful, and my chest ached. So I couldn’t say anything and just brushed back his fallen bangs. He closed his eyes happily, and his fine hair tangled between my fingers.

‘It’s difficult.’

‘It’s not difficult.’

Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth in a calm tone. He smiled faintly with his eyes closed. A gentle voice flowed out from between his parted lips.

‘I mean I want to get a confession from someone I like.’

I couldn’t believe he was the same person who had rejected confessions so coldly. He doesn’t even have someone he likes. To make that kind of expression, to make that kind of voice. I thought it was unfair.

‘Why don’t you confess?’

‘Because I don’t have the courage to confess.’

The words that he didn’t have the courage were not a lie. As I had watched him for a long time, I could imagine what kind of rejection he would give. Choi Tae-gyeom who rejects with ‘I have someone I like’. Choi Tae-gyeom who rejects with ‘I don’t like you’. And Choi Tae-gyeom who rejects with ‘These feelings are burdensome’.

It was painful just to watch, and it was painful just to think about it. Knowing how my heart would be cut off, how could I confess to Choi Tae-gyeom?

‘I told you, I like Choi Tae-gyeom.’

If I could, I wanted to tell him. That Kim Do-hyun confessed to me, and that I rejected him as you told me to. That you were an excuse, but I was sincere. That I liked you, so I rejected him.

But on the other hand, I also hoped that he wouldn’t know. If he told me to do well, even if it was just empty words, wouldn’t the heart that had grown up alone be too miserable? Wouldn’t I become a very pathetic person who rejected him by mentioning Choi Tae-gyeom?

The feeling of liking him was one, but the thoughts were all complicated. Since I liked him, since I realized it was unrequited love, everything was a contradiction.