By Zephyria “…An Omega.”
Hoo, a deep sigh escaped. The freshman sitting next to me gave me a puzzled look, but I wasn’t in the mood to explain. Fragments of memories that filled my head pressed down heavily on my chest. In the meantime, Park Sung-jae, who had no tact, pushed his large body forward and grinned.
“Alright, alright, hyung! We have to cheers, cheers!”
It had already been three hours since the drinking party disguised as a freshman welcoming party had started. What kind of senior student goes to a freshman welcoming party? I tried so hard to say, leave me out and you guys have fun. But in the end, I was dragged to the drinking party.
There was no special reason. My classmates who hadn’t graduated while I was in the military were happy to see me and dragged me along. The guys who didn’t even know I had gone to the military were so happy to see me after a long time. In the end, I had no choice but to come to the bar where the department students were gathered, as they led me.
“Don’t drink so much, you idiot. You’re drunk.”
“Hey, is getting drunk important when hyung just got discharged!”
Anyone would think he was the one who got discharged, not me. I shook my head and moved my butt to the side, and the freshman sitting next to me asked cautiously.
“Sunbae, did you come back from the military?”
“Huh? Ah, yeah. I got discharged and came back to school.”
“Ah, that’s why you’re wearing a hat.”
The freshman’s finger pointed to the hat I was wearing low. I reflexively fiddled with the brim of the black hat and nodded roughly. In fact, it had been a few months since I was discharged, and that wasn’t the reason I was wearing the hat, but there were too many things to explain to add anything. The freshman looked at me with a subtle gaze.
“But sunbae…”
“Let’s cheers, cheers!”
The freshman’s words were interrupted by Park Sung-jae’s reckless demand. Staggering over, he filled my glass with alcohol and urged me to toast. The soju that was filled to the brim, as if it would overflow, was nothing but unpleasant.
“You guys drink among yourselves.”
I wasn’t in a situation to drink alcohol. The crowded interior, the fully drunk classmates, everything was a mess. Besides, every time the bar door opened and closed, an ominous feeling filled my throat. The anxiety that the department coming in now might be Business Administration.
“What should we say for the toast?”
“Just do it roughly, roughly.”
I waved my hand and spat out the words, but my classmates didn’t seem to have any intention of doing it roughly. They were even urging the freshmen who were playing well among themselves to come up with a good toast. Those guys will definitely become condescending when they get a job later. As I clicked my tongue, the freshman next to me smiled playfully and raised his glass.
“How about ‘For Yoon-woo sunbae’s discharge’?”
“No, why my discharge at a freshman welcoming party…”
“Oh, good! Let’s do that!”
The conclusion and execution were together. Park Sung-jae, who had poured alcohol as if it would overflow, raised his glass high and shouted loudly.
“For Yoon-woo hyung’s discharge!”
“Cheers!”
The transparent soju glasses clinked together with a cheerful sound. I, the person in question, hadn’t even raised my glass, but the already drunk guys were pouring and drinking soju again.
“Congratulations on your discharge, oppa!”
“He’s a veteran, he’s a veteran!”
“Wow! A returning student!”
I shook my head and sighed as I looked at the guys who were saying one thing or another. That’s already the tenth or so time they’ve congratulated me. Even my family didn’t welcome me so grandly… Of course, the act of drinking alcohol seemed more important than congratulating me on my discharge.
Clang—
The bar door opened and closed once again. I reflexively cowered, but straightened up when I realized that the person who came in was someone I didn’t know. Ah, that’s why I didn’t want to come to the drinking party.
In fact, I knew it was a pointless worry. It’s not like this is the only bar, and there’s no reason for the Business Administration department, with so many people, to choose this bar. Besides, I didn’t think he would participate in department gatherings, given his personality.
Just in case, I lifted my hat slightly, but as expected, I didn’t see a familiar face. In the first place, I can’t feel any pheromones, so he’s definitely not in here.
“Um, sunbae.”
The moment I thought of that fact, I started to feel a little relieved. My shoulders, which had been tense, also relaxed.
“Oh, why?”
So, I answered with a comfortable feeling, but I flinched the moment I made eye contact with the freshman. It was because the freshman was looking at my face with a persistent gaze. From my eyes to my nose, from my nose to my mouth. The guy, who was five years younger than me, rudely scanned me and tilted his head as if he was very curious.
“Why did you go to the military?”
It was an absurd question. What am I supposed to say when someone asks me why I went to the military, being born as a Korean person, especially a man? As I frowned to gauge the intention of the question, the freshman opened his mouth with a smiling face.
“No, sunbae is…”
Clang—
I couldn’t hear the words that followed. It was because my whole body stiffened with the sound of the bar door opening. Thump, my heart sank. Before I could even turn my head to check, a student from another department jumped up and shouted.
“Did Choi Tae-kyum come!”
I’m screwed. That’s what I thought. As I reflexively pulled my hat down, the freshman sent me a puzzled look. I could tell that my face had turned pale without even having to check.
“Yoon-woo sunbae?”
“Don’t call me.”
“…Yes?”
My heart pounded. Even from a distance, I felt the pheromone filling my entire body. As expected of a Dominant Alpha, his presence was overwhelming from the moment he walked in.
“……What is it? An Alpha?”
“The pheromone is insane.”
It seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling it. The students, who had been drinking and chatting noisily, buzzed as they looked at Choi Tae-gyeom. Even though most of them were Beta, the atmosphere changed the moment he entered. This was partly because the few Alphas and Omegas turned to look at him, and partly because he was naturally eye-catching.
“Wow, that senior must be a Dominant Alpha.”
The freshman next to me seemed to be either an Alpha or an Omega. No, judging by his calm voice, he was more likely an Alpha. If he were an Omega, he would already be chasing Choi Tae-gyeom with a flushed face like that student from another department sitting in front.
Thump, thump, thump. My heart rate quickened. I didn’t turn around, but I could tell that Choi Tae-gyeom was passing near me. After all these years, he had an even more captivating pheromone than before.
“Senior? Are you okay?”
The freshman, noticing my strange behavior, asked worriedly. He placed a hand on my shoulder and tried to look at my face under the hat. I appreciated his concern, but making a sound at this distance was dangerous.
“I’m fine…”
I pulled at the freshman’s sleeve, suppressing my voice as much as possible. Choi Tae-gyeom would recognize me with just a word. After all the years of distance between us, I didn’t want to run into him like this.
“Third-year!”
But as always, things didn’t go as I wanted. Park Seong-jae, who had been drinking quietly (not really quietly) until now, suddenly stood up and approached me. Please, please don’t. My desperate plea didn’t reach him. Park Seong-jae pointed right at me with a wide smile on his face.
“Yoon-woo hyung is a third-year after retaking the college entrance exam!”
Shit. A curse word almost escaped my lips. At that very moment, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone intensified. I grabbed the freshman’s sleeve and lowered my head, but Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t withdraw his pheromone. In fact, it seemed to be increasing.
My stomach clenched with tension. By now, the freshman seemed to have noticed something was wrong. He cautiously glanced at me and raised his gaze. Park Seong-jae was the only one who was oblivious, being a Beta and unable to sense pheromones.
“……Lee Yoon-woo?”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My heart raced uncontrollably at the sound of my name. If I didn’t calm down, the remnants of my emotions that I hadn’t managed to hide would burst out.
“You…”
Choi Tae-gyeom was approaching, step by step. His pheromone grew closer with him. The freshman, overwhelmed by the surging pheromones, looked back and forth between me and him with an unreadable expression. I whispered to Park Seong-jae, who was still clueless, in the lowest voice possible.
“You’re dead to me later.”
“……Huh? Me?”
Park Seong-jae didn’t have time to retort. Choi Tae-gyeom arrived even faster. Before I could even think of running away, my arm was grabbed.
“Lee Yoon-woo.”
He grabbed the hand that was holding the freshman’s sleeve. It wasn’t a particularly strong grip, but the moment I was caught, my hand lost its strength. I felt the pheromone that I hadn’t felt for five years, filling me completely.
I swallowed hard and tried to calm my racing heart. An unknown emotion welled up, but I couldn’t show it. I just took a slow, deep breath and raised my head.
“……Ah, Tae-gyeom-ah.”
Choi Tae-gyeom hadn’t changed much from five years ago. No, he seemed even more handsome. Unnecessarily handsome, unnecessarily tall, and unnecessarily Dominant. His features were more defined, and I could see glimpses of his pretty face from when he was younger.
“It’s been a while. How have you been?”
I tried to answer as naturally as possible, but the table fell silent. It was because of the terrifying pheromone and the imposing presence that Choi Tae-gyeom was emitting. It was heavy and cold, overwhelming not only Alphas and Omegas but even Betas.
“You…”
I felt like I was suffocating from his pheromone. I felt like I would lose consciousness any moment. I looked at the few Omegas who were swaying as if they were drunk, and with a sigh, I got up from my seat. I saw the freshman, who had been staring blankly, widen his eyes.
“……Let’s talk outside.”
This wasn’t a good place. There were too many Omegas and Alphas to untangle the long-twisted thread. I also felt that if I continued to be exposed to the pheromones, even I would lose my mind.
“I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Okay…, see you later, hyung.”
Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom followed me without a word. He gripped my arm tightly, as if he wouldn’t let go. It hurts, you bastard. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words that I would have said in the past.
A heavy silence fell. It was a silence that had never existed between him and me since we were born. I felt the uneasily fluctuating pheromones and took out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket, asking for his understanding.
“Mind if I smoke?”
Choi Tae-gyeom watched me light a cigarette with a strangely wavering gaze. Since we hadn’t seen each other since graduating high school, it was probably the first time he had seen me smoking. As expected, he asked a casual question that didn’t fit the situation.
“When did you start smoking?”
“I started as soon as I turned twenty.”
His gaze turned to the pure white cigarette pack. It was a product that released a slight pheromone scent for Betas who couldn’t sense pheromones. As expected, Choi Tae-gyeom, who was sensitive to smells, didn’t seem to like the cigarette smoke.
“Why do you smoke something like that…”
“I’m an adult.”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s lips snapped shut. Well, I wasn’t a minor, and he had nothing to say about what I did.
Come to think of it, Choi Tae-gyeom hated not only pheromones but also cigarettes. I could tell just by the look of dissatisfaction on his face. I didn’t want to smoke in front of someone who hated it, but I needed the pheromone cigarette to withstand his pheromones.
And after a while, silence lingered between him and me again. He didn’t seem to have any intention of speaking until I opened my mouth, and I didn’t intend to say anything until I finished my cigarette. Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones became more stable each time I inhaled the cigarette smoke.
“Um, so…”
I threw the cigarette butt into the ashtray and ruffled my hair, trying to choose my words. What should I say? No matter how much I thought, I couldn’t come up with a good idea. In the end, Choi Tae-gyeom, unable to contain his impatience, spoke first.
“Did you return to school?”
Right, talking about our recent lives should come first. I put my hands in my pockets and nodded casually.
“Yeah. I went to the army and now I’m a third-year. You know? I was sick and retook the college entrance exam, and I entered school while you were in the army.”
“……I know.”
Choi Tae-gyeom gritted his teeth as if he was reminded of the past. It was a terrifying sight that even I, who had known him since birth, found threatening. I laughed awkwardly, and he approached me.
“Lee Yoon-woo.”
The three words he uttered were like a death sentence. A chill ran down my spine, and my hair stood on end. To make matters worse, Choi Tae-gyeom was emitting terrifying pheromones and scrutinizing me intently.
“Should I ask, or will you tell me?”
His voice was strained, as if he was holding back. His expression and pheromones clearly showed that he was angry. But instead of pressing me, Choi Tae-gyeom waited for me to open my mouth. Even though he was furious, he seemed to want to hear my story first. That’s why I couldn’t meet this guy all this time.
“I’m sorry.”
First, I uttered the apology I had to make. It was only three words, but it was enough to make Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyebrows twitch. He crossed his arms and tilted his head, as if telling me to continue.
“I was very sick on the day of the college entrance exam.”
“I know.”
His voice was cold. He must have heard from my parents that I was sick and couldn’t take the exam. To be exact, I wasn’t sick, but I had to tell him that I was.
“Of course, I couldn’t meet the minimum requirements and couldn’t go to college, and I couldn’t contact you because I got rid of my phone and went to a cram school to retake the exam.”
My relationship with Choi Tae-gyeom ended with high school graduation. He entered college, and I went to a cram school to retake the exam. We could have met if we had tried, but neither Choi Tae-gyeom nor I bothered to contact each other.
“And then, well, you were in the army, so there was nothing I could do.”
After that, it was a series of missed connections. I entered college at the same time that Choi Tae-gyeom went to the army, and I entered the army around the time he was discharged and returned to school.
After a total of five years of separation, one year of retaking the exam and four years of each other’s military service, he and I reunited at the freshman orientation. This was also a coincidence.
“I didn’t avoid you on purpose. It just happened…”
Yes, a simple coincidence. I didn’t try to avoid him, and I didn’t hate him. The situation and the environment didn’t allow it, so I distanced myself from him, who was like family.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but you didn’t contact me either, so what’s with you?”
I knew it was cowardly. Turning the result I had created back to Choi Tae-gyeom was too cruel to him, who looked betrayed.
But this was the best defense I could offer. Choi Tae-gyeom hadn’t contacted me either. We could have found each other if we had wanted to, but we didn’t meet because we didn’t want to. In that situation, one-sided resentment was strange.
“We met again, so it’s okay, right? Don’t you think?”
But Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t seem to think so. The pheromones that had barely stabilized were raging again. Should I smoke another cigarette? While I was thinking about that, Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth in a stiff voice.
“I didn’t contact you so you could study.”
I felt breathless. His expression was indifferent, but the pheromones pouring out towards me were too intense. The dense pheromones surrounded me as if they were angry. I didn’t think he meant to. It was just that he was angry, just that he was upset, so the pheromones flowed out naturally.
“I heard you went to a cram school to retake the exam, and I thought I might be bothering you if I contacted you, so I couldn’t contact you.”
“……”
“The army? Yeah, you’re a man, so you know. Everyone around me said it was better to go early, so I enlisted.”
I had to keep my expression as indifferent as possible. No, I had to look apologetic and embarrassed.
But the moment I met Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyes, my mind went blank. It was because Choi Tae-gyeom, who was always so relaxed, was gritting his teeth as he said that.
“Every time I came home on leave, you weren’t there.”
“……”
“At first, I thought it was a coincidence. I could clearly see the light in your room, but your mother said you weren’t home, so I thought I had done something wrong.”
He looked upset. No, he seemed more aggrieved than upset. It seemed strange to him that I, who had never been apart from him for a moment since birth, had suddenly distanced myself.
“But I thought it would be okay in two years. I endured for two years thinking I should talk to you after I was discharged…”
I couldn’t meet his gaze this time. It was my turn to be called out for the only thing I felt I wasn’t being natural about. Choi Tae-gyeom must have found this strange as well, because he couldn’t hold back his frustration and grabbed my shoulder.
“You went to the army as soon as I was discharged?”
Everything was a coincidence. The fact that I seemed to be avoiding him, and the fact that we hadn’t seen each other for years. And even the fact that we met again in this place.
“Did you… even come out on leave? When you did, did you even think about seeing my face?”
It was a prank created by coincidence, and a result born of carelessness. No, at least that’s how it had to look to Choi Tae-gyeom.
“Am I just that to you?”
“……”
“Are we even friends?”
The sense of confinement that the two words ‘friend’ gave was immense. The heart that was about to collapse helplessly under Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones hardened at those words.
When I slowly turned my gaze, Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze quietly followed me.
“Of course…”
My throat was about to close up. The hand on my shoulder, the gaze looking at me, everything felt sad. The answer he wanted was just one, but the process of uttering that answer was too difficult.
“Of course, we’re friends.”
This was something I couldn’t do either. Pretending not to know the pheromones that were raging like crazy, and pretending to be a friend as if nothing was wrong. I couldn’t do that anymore.
“I didn’t know you’d be so upset. I’m sorry, you bastard. I was just embarrassed that I couldn’t go to college. You know, I used to be better at studying than you.”
This was all I could say. That’s why I didn’t want to come to the gathering, because I was afraid this would happen. I had avoided Choi Tae-gyeom for five long years, and I didn’t want to ruin it now.
“Just let it go this once. You avoided me in middle school too, you know.”
Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t answer. He didn’t say it was okay, and he didn’t make excuses about what happened back then. He just grabbed my shoulder tightly and looked into my face. I pressed down on my hat to avoid his gaze, but it was no use. Each time our gazes met, the pheromones pouring out towards me became more intense.
“Yoon-woo-ya.”
I flinched, my body trembling. The low call was almost like a plea. The pheromones mixed with his breath revealed his emotions as they were.
“You know you can’t lie.”
I didn’t have the confidence to meet his gaze. If I met his eyes, the loosened heart would flow out uncontrollably. Choi Tae-gyeom seemed to want that, but I couldn’t let that happen.
“Promise me you won’t avoid me.”
“……”
“We came to the same college, and you and I have both been to the army. Now, I won’t accept any nonsense about taking a leave of absence or going to study abroad.”
It felt like he was looking into my mind. I was instantly caught thinking that it might be a good idea to take a leave of absence soon. He was always amazing at reading my mind, then and now. He stared at me quietly and added.
“I took a leave of absence last year, so I’m a third-year now. Do you know what this means?”
A third-year, a third-year. He would have been a fourth-year if he hadn’t taken a leave of absence, and he was in the same grade as me, who had retaken the exam. This meant that we would be going to school together for at least two years.
“I can’t accept you avoiding me for no reason. If you’re going to avoid me, at least give me a reason that I can accept.”
Choi Tae-gyeom probably wouldn’t be able to accept any reason I gave. No, I could never tell him the reason that would make him accept it. Because at the same time as he accepted it, my relationship with him would also end.
What should I do?
While I was worrying, he frowned as if urging me. He added that if I didn’t answer, he would hear the reason right here and now.
“……Okay.”
In the end, I answered in a voice that was barely audible. Choi Tae-gyeom smiled brightly, as if he liked even this small answer. Then, he put his hand on the top of my head as he used to do. His large hand passed over the hat and stroked the back of my neck before moving away with a regretful look.
“Good.”
This was Choi Tae-gyeom’s own form of forgiveness. He was giving me a break this time, a final act of mercy, telling me not to do it again. He was still giving in to me, so he seemed to believe even my ridiculous excuse this once.
“Let’s go back in.”
He released me and walked away lightly. His pleasant pheromones seemed to be floating in the air. If I followed him back like this, we would remain friends again as if nothing had happened.
“……Hey, Tae-gyeom-ah.”
Instead of following him, I took out a cigarette. He turned his head as if asking what was wrong, and frowned slightly as soon as he saw the cigarette. I waved my hand as if to say sorry and took out a cigarette and put it in my mouth.
“Do you still hate Omegas?”
‘I hate Omegas.’
Choi Tae-gyeom had said that once. It was a memory that suddenly came to mind at the gathering earlier. I guess that’s why I was going to meet Choi Tae-gyeom. The pure white cigarette moved slightly.
“Yeah.”
The answer was clear. There was no trace of the hesitation he had shown before. Choi Tae-gyeom stood firmly in his place and added in a resolute voice.
“To the point of being disgusted.”
“Is that so?”
Chiiik, the end of the cigarette burned. Choi Tae-gyeom subtly frowned at the hazy smoke that spread out. I took a deep drag of the cigarette and exhaled very slowly. The air, thick with Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone, was diluted by the cigarette smoke, becoming a mess.
“It’s a good thing I’m not an Omega.”
“You’re talking nonsense.”
Choi Tae-gyeom retorted with an absurd tone, letting out a hollow laugh. Then, maintaining a certain distance, he approached me. I turned my head away from the smoke, and a casual question flew my way.
“Why are you smoking?”
Come to think of it, he often showed conservative sides in strange places. When others secretly drank and smoked, he never paid attention to such things. I still can’t forget the expression Choi Tae-gyeom gave to a friend who offered me a cigarette and alcohol back in high school.
“Life’s tough.”
Well, back then I was a minor, so that’s probably why.
“Lee Yoon-woo, you’ve become such an old man.”
A playful answer returned a playful reaction. It was a very light tone, as if forgetting the gap of the past few years. I chuckled and exhaled cigarette smoke.
“Go inside first.”
I’m smoking two cigarettes when I barely smoke at all. He probably thinks I’m a heavy smoker.
“I’ll go in after I finish.”
“…Don’t smoke too much.”
Choi Tae-gyeom tried to stop me, but then turned his back with a worried tone. As his footsteps faded away, the pheromone that surrounded me gradually weakened. Would it be strange if I felt a sense of regret at the fading pheromone? The hazy cigarette smoke blurred my vision.
“Haa…”
It had been five years. Since I presented as an Omega, since I started avoiding him.
And since I realized I liked Choi Tae-gyeom.
During that long time, I tried to forget Choi Tae-gyeom. If I could, I wanted to go back to being friends like before. So I took suppressants and smoked pheromone cigarettes to hide my pheromones. Fortunately, my pheromones weren’t strong, and as a result, no one except my parents knew I was an Omega.
But it seemed that remnants of the emotions I thought I had mostly sorted out were still there. The moment I saw Choi Tae-gyeom, an unknown desire surged from a corner of my heart.
I like Choi Tae-gyeom.
I like him, I like him so much that my liking has eroded my honesty.
‘Do you still hate Omegas?’
It wasn’t a question I asked lightly. I know the trauma he has with Omegas. I also know how he will react if an Omega tells him they like him.
But despite that, a small hope remained. Five years. A long time that I couldn’t forget Choi Tae-gyeom, and that we both went to the military and became adults. Wouldn’t his Omega aversion have improved a little during that long time? Even if I can’t confess, wouldn’t I be able to reveal that I’m an Omega?
‘To a creepy extent.’
You know what, Choi Tae-gyeom? I’m an Omega.
The words I couldn’t bring myself to say disappeared, leaving a big hole in my heart. An emotion I shouldn’t have for a guy who’s been my friend my whole life. A feeling I can’t even express to an Alpha who hates Omegas.
“…I should quit this too.”
I like you.
The confession that will never reach him scattered into the air.
The bar was still bustling when I went back inside. But unfortunately, it seemed that I was the subject of the bustling conversation. The table, which had been noisy, became quiet as soon as I entered, and even a subtle tension lingered.
“…At least pretend you’re not.”
I sighed softly and sat down. I could see Choi Tae-gyeom surrounded by classmates at the table next to mine. In that short time, he was receiving all the attention by himself.
“Hyung, were you acquainted with Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae?”
While everyone was just watching, Park Seong-jae cautiously approached me. Remembering that I said I was going to die, he looked very timid as he asked the question. Well, strictly speaking, it’s not his fault.
“…He’s a friend.”
That was the second time I said that today. Friend. The only word to define him and me. My presumptuous inner thoughts asked if he was really just a friend, but that’s the only answer I can give.
“Friend?”
The question popped out from another direction. It was a freshman who had been sitting next to me the whole time. He frowned and lowered his voice, looking towards Choi Tae-gyeom.
“Do you leave that much pheromone on your friends?”
“What?”
I flinched at the word pheromone. I smoked so many cigarettes, but it seems Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone still remains. Well, the attempt to cover up a Dominant Alpha’s pheromone with cheap cigarette smoke was reckless from the start.
“Anyone would think you’re an Alpha sunbae. There’s too much Alpha pheromone on you.”
The freshman’s voice was meaningful. I unconsciously touched my ear at the explicit tone, and he shrugged, widening the distance a little.
“Well, I’m just saying.”
“It must be because we’ve been together for a long time.”
Pheromones naturally rub off when you’re next to someone. Choi Tae-gyeom knows I’m a Beta, so he probably didn’t even think about controlling his pheromones. So naturally, his pheromones would have rubbed off all over me. It’s no wonder the freshman feels something is strange.
“Hmm…”
But the freshman pursed his lips and tilted his head. He seemed to have something he wanted to say, but he didn’t seem to want to say anything more. He just smiled kindly and nonchalantly changed the subject.
“But you said you were childhood friends, so why were you like that earlier? Are you on bad terms?”
“Yeah, I thought I was going to die because of Tae-gyeom sunbae’s pheromones earlier.”
“I’ve never seen that sunbae act like that before.”
Once the floodgates were opened, similar reactions poured out non-stop. They asked if we had fought, how we could be close when they had never seen us hanging out together. In that short time, they had seen so much detail, even commenting on our expressions and actions.
“How did you two even become friends?”
When one of my classmates asked, the barrage of questions suddenly stopped. I was a little dumbfounded by the reaction.
“Is it so strange that I’m friends with Choi Tae-gyeom?”
I hate the relationship of friends more than anyone else, but it felt strange that others were questioning that relationship. We’ve been together since we were born, throughout the entire growing up process, so why are they saying we don’t get along?
“No, that’s not it…”
Park Seong-jae, realizing that I wasn’t angry, started speaking with a more comfortable expression than before. He even slyly scooted his butt closer to me.
“It’s just that neither Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae nor hyung are the type to strike up a conversation first.”
Degu-reu-reu, gazes turned. I could see lips pursing as if trying to choose words. I unconsciously looked towards Choi Tae-gyeom and moved my lips.
“Well, our parents are close.”
‘How did you two become friends?’
I’ve heard the question of how we became friends countless times. In middle school, in high school, people would look at Choi Tae-gyeom and me and express their doubts. I mostly received those questions at the beginning of the semester, and when that happened, Choi Tae-gyeom would glance at me and answer like this.
‘It’s just that he’s Lee Yoon-woo, so we became friends.’
Because our parents are close, because we live next door, because we’re childhood friends, just naturally. Leaving all those candidates aside, it was a strangely ticklish answer.
“But how do you guys know Choi Tae-gyeom?”
We’re not in the same department, Choi Tae-gyeom is in Business Administration, and I’m in English Language and Literature. It’s possible that we might have overlapping general education classes, but it’s strange that my department classmates all know Choi Tae-gyeom. Besides, Choi Tae-gyeom even took a leave of absence last year.
“Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae is famous.”
Min-jeong-ssi, who was diligently making somaek, opened her eyes wide and answered. ‘You’re close friends, but you don’t even know that?’ She even asked back like that.
“Why is he famous?”
“He’s handsome. The self-proclaimed Business Administration God.”
The first answer that came out was simple. And as simple as it was, it was also very persuasive. Min-jeong-ssi moved her finger and raised the corners of her lips with a smirk.
“And he’s a Dominant Alpha.”
My gaze turned to Choi Tae-gyeom again. He was refusing the alcohol that his department classmates were offering him, making a very unpleasant expression. I wonder why he bothered to come here when he hates drinking parties so much.
“Not only Omegas, but there are quite a few Alphas who like Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae. They say his pheromones are no joke.”
I almost scoffed. What’s so great about those pheromones? Is that why Choi Tae-gyeom still hates Omegas?
“You’re a Beta, but you know that so well.”
“My friend likes Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae.”
Seeing me nod, Min-jeong-ssi raised the corners of her lips and lowered her voice.
“But he’s even more famous because he doesn’t date.”
As soon as Park Seong-jae said that, the gazes of my department classmates turned to me. Even some of the freshmen who were seeing Choi Tae-gyeom for the first time were sending excited gazes with flushed faces. As expected, there was only one answer I could give.
“Well, I don’t think he does.”
The expressions of several people changed. From gazes full of tension to gazes full of excitement. My throat felt parched for no reason.
“…He hates Omegas, you know.”
I said it as if I didn’t care, but my heart was beating anxiously. I don’t even know if Choi Tae-gyeom has a lover or not. It’s been years since we contacted each other, so how would I know if he got a Beta lover or an Alpha lover in the meantime? If it wasn’t an Omega, he wouldn’t have hated it. As soon as I thought that, my mood suddenly sank.
Even when he was young, Choi Tae-gyeom would receive confessions as naturally as breathing. It was because his handsome appearance and unique atmosphere attracted attention regardless of gender or age. He didn’t date anyone until he was 19, so could he have met someone during the five years I was gone?
“An Alpha hates Omegas?”
While I was lost in thought, the freshman next to me asked as if he didn’t understand. Yes, if you don’t know what happened to Choi Tae-gyeom in the past, this reaction would be natural. Because it’s very strange for an Alpha to hate Omegas.
“Well…”
I was going to say that it could happen. It would be absurd to explain Choi Tae-gyeom’s trauma in detail, and it seemed rude to even talk about this topic any further. But before I could answer, a part I hadn’t been paying attention to suddenly bothered me.
“By the way, what’s your name?”
I didn’t know his name even though he’d been sitting next to me since earlier. I even kept calling him freshman, freshman, so I even started to think his name was Freshman. He’ll be sitting next to me until at least the end of the drinking party, so I should at least know his name.
“…Sunbae, you didn’t know my name?”
The freshman looked at me with hurt eyes for some reason. Well, it would be absurd to ask his name now after we’ve been talking all this time. We even went around introducing ourselves when the drinking party started.
“Sorry, I’m not good at remembering names.”
I remember Choi Tae-gyeom telling me the names of the kids in class because I couldn’t remember them before. Rather than just a memory problem, it was closer to not remembering because I didn’t want to get close to them. Choi Tae-gyeom was the same in that he wasn’t interested in others, but he was good at remembering things in the first place.
“So, what’s your name?”
“…Do-hyun. Kim Do-hyun.”
“Okay, Do-hyun.”
I shouldn’t forget this time. Kim Do-hyun, Kim Do-hyun, while I was repeating it in my head, Kim Do-hyun frowned as if he couldn’t understand.
“Anyway, how can an Alpha hate Omegas?”
Could he also be interested in Choi Tae-gyeom? He’s an Alpha, but if I listen to what Min-jeong-ssi said, there’s a possibility.
“You’re an Alpha, right?”
I asked casually just in case. He might be an Omega.
“Yes, you don’t know my name, but you know I’m an Alpha.”
Kim Do-hyun retorted grumpily and downed his drink. It was an extremely arrogant thing to say, but since it was my mistake anyway, I needed to let it go. Okay, so he’s an Alpha.
“Why, as a fellow Alpha, you just can’t understand?”
“Yes, that’s really absurd.”
Kim Do-hyun’s expression was serious. It was so serious that it was even more serious than when Choi Tae-gyeom said, ‘I hate Omegas.’
“Alphas are physiologically attracted to Omega pheromones. Even if they’re recessive, Omega pheromones are really tempting. And that sunbae is Dominant.”
The last words were almost whispered. Kim Do-hyun put one hand on my back and covered his mouth with the other, whispering.
“Especially when Omegas go into heat cycle, you want to throw away all reason and everything else.”
“Is that so?”
I listened to Kim Do-hyun’s words with one ear and let them out with the other. I had no interest in what a typical Alpha is like. Choi Tae-gyeom isn’t a typical Alpha, and the things he’s experienced aren’t typical either. And I’m a recessive, so I’m far from knowing what happens when Omegas go into heat cycle.
But Kim Do-hyun continued to whisper even at my perfunctory reply.
“Yes. So it doesn’t make sense to hate Omegas.”
“Why doesn’t it make sense?”
Heumchit, my shoulders flinched. It was because I heard a familiar voice from right behind me. When I slowly raised my head, I saw Choi Tae-gyeom grabbing Kim Do-hyun’s arm.
“You can hate Omegas a little.”
I couldn’t feel any pheromones. Even if I’m not good at sensing pheromones, it doesn’t make sense that I didn’t know until he came this close. And it’s Choi Tae-gyeom, a Dominant Alpha, not just anyone. It was impossible unless he deliberately hid his pheromones.
“…When did you get here?”
“Just now.”
“What about your classmates?”
“I’m an outcast in my department. I don’t have any friends.”
Choi Tae-gyeom said something that no one would believe and sat down next to me. His classmates, who were far away, were panting and asking where Choi Tae-gyeom went, but he didn’t seem to see anything. Park Seong-jae, who had gone to pour us drinks, widened his eyes when he saw that his seat had been taken.
“Bullshit… Are the guys looking for you over there just decorations?”
“They’re not my friends.”
Choi Tae-gyeom nonchalantly took my glass and filled it with soju. One of the freshmen tactfully offered a new glass, but he neatly ignored it. I lightly clicked my tongue and said to the embarrassed freshman.
“Just leave it. It’s a glass he won’t use anyway.”
Choi Tae-gyeom, who had put his lips to the glass, paused and looked at me. He was looking back and forth between the glass and my face with a subtle gaze. An unacceptable voice came out of his crooked lips.
“You smoke cigarettes but you don’t drink?”
“I get drunk when I drink.”
“If only you couldn’t talk.”
Choi Tae-gyeom drank the soju and held out his empty glass. What, is he asking me to pour him one? Before I could even ask, a soju bottle was suddenly held out next to me.
“I’ll pour it for you.”
It was none other than Kim Do-hyun who held out the soju bottle. Kim Do-hyun smiled kindly and bowed as he filled Choi Tae-gyeom’s glass.
“I’m Kim Do-hyun, a freshman in the English department. You’re in Business Administration, sunbaenim, right?”
The conversation had been cut off because of Choi Tae-gyeom, but there was no sign of displeasure on Kim Do-hyun’s face. No, since he was caught talking behind his back, it’s right that he wouldn’t show any displeasure. He politely poured the soju and held out his glass as well. Of course, Choi Tae-gyeom took back the glass instead of filling Kim Do-hyun’s glass.
“Choi Tae-gyeom is such an asshole.”
In the end, I clicked my tongue again and picked up the soju bottle on the table. And as I was about to pour him a drink, Choi Tae-gyeom, who had put down his glass with a tak sound, snatched the soju bottle I was holding. Jjo-ro-rok, the sound of alcohol being poured was clear.
“Lee Yoon-woo’s junior?”
Choi Tae-gyeom looked Kim Do-hyun up and down as he poured him a drink. It was a prickly tone, but Kim Do-hyun smiled brightly and tilted his glass.
“Yes. Yoon-woo sunbae takes good care of me.”
Takes good care of him, my ass. We just met today. I didn’t even know his name until five minutes ago.
“So, you two were talking about me nicely?”
Choi Tae-gyeom smiled and looked at me intently. His eyes seemed to be saying, after meeting me for the first time in years, you were talking about me behind my back with your junior?
“…No, we weren’t saying bad things.”
I slyly avoided his gaze and made excuses. The department classmates asked, and so I talked about your Omega aversion that no one asked about, I was too embarrassed to explain it so honestly.
“Well, the kids were asking if you had a lover.”
He trailed off, clearing his throat. It suddenly occurred to him that this might be a new opportunity to find out if the guy had a lover. If he played it right, he could ask naturally. Not that he was curious, but he could act like he was asking on behalf of the others. The key was to pretend he didn’t care.
“You’re not seeing anyone, are you?”
Choi Tae-gyeom, who was drinking, frowned subtly at the question thrown out casually. Then he stared at him.
“What about you?”
For a moment, he didn’t understand the context of the conversation. It sounded like a question, but the flat tone made it clear it wasn’t.
Thunk. Choi Tae-gyeom put down his glass and narrowed his eyes as if urging him to answer. Ah, so it was a question.
“I’m not.”
He hadn’t even liked anyone other than Choi Tae-gyeom, let alone dated anyone. In school, he was busy protecting Choi Tae-gyeom, and after growing up, he liked Choi Tae-gyeom too much. He hadn’t even considered meeting someone and dating.
Choi Tae-gyeom made a subtle expression at his answer, then turned his head and cleared his throat. Ahem, ahem, the coughs that came out were awkward. Along with them came a pleasant flood of pheromone. Why is he like this? The question was fleeting, and a small answer came back, barely audible.
“I’m not seeing anyone either.”
“…Ah.”
Before he knew it, an exclamation escaped his lips. It hadn’t even been ten minutes since he’d resolved to give up on him, but he was already feeling good about these little things. The pheromone he had been suppressing was seeping out, oblivious.
“Is that so…?”
He fiddled with his hat and replied blandly. All sorts of cheers were erupting inside, but he couldn’t show how happy he was. The fact that he didn’t have a lover, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else at least for now, kept tickling the corners of his lips.
“Sunbae, can I ask you something?”
But the dreamy feeling didn’t last long. Kim Do-hyun, who had been looking at him with a smile, asked Choi Tae-gyeom with a grin. Choi Tae-gyeom, who had been turning his head this way, turned to Kim Do-hyun with an unpleasant look.
“What is it?”
“I heard you don’t like Omegas, but is Yoon-woo sunbae okay?”
It was a question he couldn’t understand the intention of. A subtle silence fell, and an unknown anxiety was felt. Choi Tae-gyeom frowned as if to say, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Why Yoon-woo?”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand went up to the back of the chair. He leaned forward, and he could feel his breath on his face as they got closer. He reflexively widened the distance, and at the same time, Kim Do-hyun glanced at him and answered.
“Yoon-woo sunbae is an Omega.”
Thump, a stone fell. The surroundings turned white, and he felt a ringing in his ears. His tongue felt numb, as if someone had hit him in the back of the head.
“So that’s why I asked why he went to the army…”
“…”
“Omegas are exempt from military service, right? Right?”
Kim Do-hyun looked at him with a bright smile. He subtly asked for his agreement, as if to say, “Isn’t that right?” He had to answer that it wasn’t true, that he was mistaken, but no words came out as if his throat was blocked.
Omegas do not go to the military. It is difficult to suppress the heat cycle, and various complex problems are at play. Well, most of the complex problems were crime prevention.
But he had hoped to enlist even after being diagnosed as an Omega. He also overcame the difficulties he encountered in the physical examination with the title of ‘recessive Omega’. Fortunately, no one in the unit knew that he was an Omega, and he was able to complete his military service safely and be discharged.
“Lee Yoon-woo is an Omega?”
He had lived like that for five years. Even his family, who had known him since birth, were puzzled. His classmates who went to school with him, and Choi Tae-gyeom, whom he had met after a few years, didn’t notice. Unless he was in heat, there was no way they could feel pheromone from him.
“Yes, isn’t he?”
But how on earth did Kim Do-hyun know that he was an Omega?
“Yoon-woo sunbae’s pheromone…”
Kim Do-hyun nodded and slowly turned to him. Then, he found his pale face and widened his eyes in surprise.
“…Sunbae?”
He never thought he could hide it for the rest of his life. He had to tell them someday, and he was going to reveal it himself.
But at least, he didn’t want it to be now. After he was a little more prepared, when Choi Tae-gyeom hated Omegas a little less, it wouldn’t be too late to reveal it then.
“Sunbae, are you okay?”
Kim Do-hyun’s hand reached for his hat. He lowered his head as if to check his face and narrowed his brow. But Kim Do-hyun’s hand didn’t reach his hat. Thwack, Choi Tae-gyeom, who knocked away his hand, put his arm around his neck and said in a blunt voice.
“What are you talking about?”
Suddenly, he came to his senses. The churning stomach began to calm down. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone, overflowing, wrapped around him as if comforting him. Choi Tae-gyeom stroked his head over his hat and let out a dumbfounded snort.
“He’s a Beta.”
His molars ached. ‘I’m an Omega.’ The one word that couldn’t come out stirred up his stomach recklessly.
“He’s not an Omega.”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice was firm. He couldn’t believe it, but it seemed that he really hadn’t noticed that he was an Omega. He should have been relieved, but strangely, he felt stuffy.
“…A Beta?”
Kim Do-hyun looked at him with a subtly hardened face. He fiddled with the hand that Choi Tae-gyeom had knocked away and closed his mouth as if he couldn’t understand. He pressed down on the brim of his hat and forced a smile.
“Why, do I look like an Omega?”
There was no way he could have looked like an Omega. He had heard that he looked like an Alpha, but he had never heard that he looked like an Omega. Even the Alpha doctor who did the blood test couldn’t believe that he was an Omega.
“I guess you mistook it because of the cigarettes.”
His fingertips trembled. Even as he pretended to be nonchalant and took out a cigarette from his pocket, his throat was parched. It was a good thing he was facing away from Choi Tae-gyeom. Otherwise, he would have noticed his strange expression right away.
“Cigarettes?”
“Yeah. I smoke pheromone cigarettes.”
A white cigarette pack was caught on his fingertips. Cigarettes that give off a slight pheromone scent for Betas. Something he had been steadily smoking since he was twenty years old.
Choi Tae-gyeom, who pressed down on his head, muttered annoyedly.
“Without even knowing properly…”
His grumbling voice was full of displeasure. As he awkwardly turned his gaze, Kim Do-hyun took the cigarette and looked embarrassed. A hollow voice flowed from his lips, which were stupidly open.
“Ah, pheromone cigarettes…”
He seemed to believe it. Well, it was stranger to insist that he was an Omega when two people said he wasn’t. It was a good thing he smoked. He let out a sigh of relief and leaned on Choi Tae-gyeom.
“…Yeah.”
But the moment he leaned on him, a warm warmth came over him. The breath that touched his ear also felt a little hot.
“Are you getting a fever again?”
Surprised, he raised his body, and Choi Tae-gyeom widened the distance from him and shook his head. His finger was pointing at the glass of alcohol.
“It’s because I drank.”
He sat down and drank one or two glasses, and he must have drunk more than he thought. You’re in no position to tell me to smoke when you’re like that. As he grumbled and clicked his tongue, Choi Tae-gyeom awkwardly turned his gaze. Then he gulped down the alcohol again.
There’s no one to drink with, no one to pour for him, but he’s drinking all the alcohol by himself. He scolded him to go and drink with his department, but he didn’t listen to him at all. The funny thing was that no one in his department pointed out Choi Tae-gyeom’s behavior.
“Stop drinking, you idiot. What are you going to do if you get drunk?”
“I won’t get drunk with this much.”
“Bullshit, you’re getting a fever.”
His face was red, but he was talking well. He didn’t know how much Choi Tae-gyeom could drink, but he didn’t seem to be a strong drinker. Sure enough, when he put the back of his hand on his cheek, he could feel the warm temperature through his skin.
“See, it’s hot.”
“This isn’t because I’m drunk…”
Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth in anger, then turned his head with a sigh. ‘Okay, okay…’ He muttered like that.
Come to think of it, there had been a few situations like this before. Choi Tae-gyeom was the type to get a fever easily, and he was keenly aware of his changes. He had taken him to the infirmary several times when he got hot all the time, but he rarely took antipyretics.
“Your stubbornness hasn’t changed at all.”
As he muttered softly, Kim Do-hyun looked at them with a subtle gaze. He was holding the cigarette he had handed him, and his eyes were slightly frowning. And then he held out the cigarette and let out a hollow laugh.
“…I think I misunderstood.”
His friendly smiling face looked back and forth between him and Choi Tae-gyeom. A quiet apology was also included.
“I’m sorry.”
“Knowing is enough.”
Choi Tae-gyeom answered curtly and pulled his chair over with a flick. It was an implicit expression that he shouldn’t talk to him anymore. It was an action that even he was embarrassed by, but surprisingly, Kim Do-hyun didn’t seem to mind. He just got up from his seat with an apologetic expression.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
He must have been very embarrassed to leave in a hurry. Or was he ashamed of being mistaken?
As Kim Do-hyun moved away, Choi Tae-gyeom pointed at him with his finger. His frowning face seemed to show how annoyed he was.
“Are you close to him?”
“Close? I met him for the first time today.”
“Then why is he like that?”
“I don’t know.”
Didn’t he say that he hadn’t even known his name for a few minutes, let alone take care of him?
“It looks like Kim Do-hyun is interested in you.”
When he mentioned the most likely reason, Choi Tae-gyeom made a dumbfounded expression. A bewildered voice popped out of his wide-open lips.
“…Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
Choi Tae-gyeom was the subject of the question, and Choi Tae-gyeom was the target of the conversation. No matter how he thought about it, it was clear that Kim Do-hyun was one of the ‘Alphas who are interested in Choi Tae-gyeom’. He must have taken a liking to his smooth face as soon as he saw him today.
“He must be one of the Alphas who likes you.”
As soon as he finished speaking, a fierce pheromone flowed out. Along with it was a strangely sharp gaze. Why is he suddenly like this? As he looked at him with that thought, a question more fierce than pheromone popped out.
“Is he an Alpha?”
He nodded reflexively. He didn’t feel the pheromone, but since he said so, he must be an Alpha. So he must have felt Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone from him.
“That bastard…”
Choi Tae-gyeom muttered gloomily and glared at the side where Kim Do-hyun had disappeared. Then he looked at his face with a serious gaze. Everywhere, a thick pheromone poured out with his gaze. The scent was so strong that the freshman on the opposite side blushed.
“What?”
He wanted to tell him to withdraw the pheromone, but to do that, he had to tell him that he felt the pheromone. Inevitably, he had no choice but to hold his breath and pull his head back.
“Just.”
Choi Tae-gyeom still looked at him with a serious gaze, and then withdrew the pheromone. The pheromone that surrounded him was slowly fading.
In the meantime, he moved his lips once, twice, chose his words, and opened his mouth.
“I’m glad.”
“What?”
His expression was strange. He said he was glad, but the way he looked at him was reluctant. He shook his head for a moment and took a spoonful of soup with his spoon.
“I’m glad you’re not an Omega.”
“…”
He felt angry. He was saying that he was glad he wasn’t an Omega without knowing what he was thinking. He wasn’t even thinking about giving him rice cakes, but he was wondering what he was thinking. He felt ashamed of himself for being happy to hear that he didn’t have a lover a little while ago.
“I’m going to go smoke.”
He hurriedly picked up the cigarette he had put on the table and got up from his seat. His throat was hot as if there was a fire in his stomach. Choi Tae-gyeom looked up at him and frowned slightly.
“Are you going to smoke again?”
“Are you going to say that when you’re drinking?”
Choi Tae-gyeom closed his mouth tightly. Of course, he wasn’t going to say that to him, who was drinking alone.
As he took his coat, he got up from his seat to go with him, but he stopped him and pressed down on his shoulder.
“Stay here. You hate the smell of cigarettes.”
“If you know, don’t smoke.”
“I’ll get rid of the smell.”
Choi Tae-gyeom still looked unhappy, but he couldn’t actively stop him. He probably realized that it was useless to stop him.
“Ah, right.”
Before going out to smoke, there was one last thing to check. A question he had always been curious about but couldn’t even dare to ask. It was important to pretend he didn’t care this time too.
“What if I were an Omega?”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyebrows went up. It was one of his habits when he had something to worry about. He hurriedly waved his hand before he got more serious.
“Don’t think too deeply. I’m just asking. I’m curious.”
He let out a hollow laugh. It was an absurd question even though he was the one who asked it.
Choi Tae-gyeom loosened his expression as if he thought he was being silly.
“Then I wouldn’t be friends with you.”
“Is that so.”
There was nothing more to hear. He was going to try to show at least a little bit of resentment, but even that was pathetic, so he gave up. What could he say to him, who knew him as a Beta?
“Anyway, I’m going to go smoke.”
He ignored the guy who was trying to get up again and moved his steps without hesitation. Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t follow him, and he gradually quickened his pace. He ran into Kim Do-hyun, who was returning to his seat in the middle, but he didn’t hold him back either.
He felt very dirty.
The drinking party broke up about two hours later. Some students went back before the last train, but most of them repeated pouring and drinking until the first train. Of course, Choi Tae-gyeom and he were among them.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
Choi Tae-gyeom, whose face had been red from the beginning, had a surprisingly fine face by the time the drinking party broke up. His pronunciation wasn’t twisted, and he didn’t stagger when he walked. He was on a different level from Park Seong-jae, who was already drunk and repeating ‘Hyung, did I tell you? Congratulations on your discharge’ about thirty times.
“Who’s going to the third round!”
“Let’s go to the karaoke, karaoke!”
“Ugh- I feel like I’m going to throw up…”
“Ah, crazy! You crazy bastard!”
The area near the bar was full of drunk students. Half of them were from his department, and half were from Choi Tae-gyeom’s department. Among them were the guy’s classmates who were looking for Choi Tae-gyeom earlier, but Choi Tae-gyeom resolutely ignored them. The guys who first said, ‘Choi Tae-gyeom! Aren’t you going to the second round?’ also turned back weakly when he looked at them indifferently.
“Lee Yoon-woo is having a hard time.”
Choi Tae-gyeom spoke to him with a laughing voice as he took care of the drunk students. He put his hands in his pockets and looked around, looking peaceful all by himself.
“You really don’t have any friends. Aren’t those drunk kids your department?”
“What do I care? They’re adults, so they’ll go on their own.”
He said it bluntly on purpose, but Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t care at all. He wished he had the personality to pretend not to know like Choi Tae-gyeom, but unfortunately, he didn’t have the guts to ignore what he saw. Besides, he was the only one who was fine among these many people, so he had to take care of them.
“Sunbae, it looks like you didn’t drink.”
No, correction. Kim Do-hyun was also the only one who was fine among the freshmen.
“I don’t usually drink…”
“Hyuuuung! Congratulations on your discharge!”
“Agh, Park Seong-jae, you bastard.”
Park Seong-jae grabbed his shoulder, staggering as if he was drunk. He wasn’t good at drinking, but he caused this every time he went to a drinking party. He wasn’t severely drunk, but repeating the same words was also one of the very annoying drunks.
“Hey, walk on two feet.”
Even bears walk on two feet, so why is Park Seong-jae, who is similar to bears, trying to walk on four feet? Is it because he’s really a bear and occasionally has a habit of walking on four feet?
Whether he knew his serious agony or not, Park Seong-jae hugged him, saying, ‘Hyung, congratulations on your discharge!’ Should he just put him to sleep on the street?
“Ah, I can’t breathe…!”
“You’re Kim Do-hyun, right?”
While he was conflicted between loyalty and annoyance with Park Seong-jae, Choi Tae-gyeom suddenly took Park Seong-jae’s huge body away. Then, without hesitation, he pushed Park Seong-jae towards Kim Do-hyun. Kim Do-hyun, who reflexively supported Park Seong-jae, looked at Choi Tae-gyeom with a surprised expression.
“Take him home. You look fine too.”
“…Yes?”
Kim Do-hyun supported Park Seong-jae with a flustered expression. He hadn’t noticed while Seong-jae was sitting, but Kim Do-hyun was tall, and he looked much better supporting Park Seong-jae than I would.
“Hey, yeah. You should take him home.”
I didn’t miss the opportunity and quickly nodded. I’d usually take him myself, but today was too tiring with so many things happening. Besides, Kim Do-hyun was partly to blame.
“Sunbae…”
“That’s what juniors are for. Back in my day, I took all the sunbaes home before going home myself.”
Bullshit. That’s why I never went to drinking parties with sunbaes, to avoid being asked to do that.
“I’m okay! I can go alone!”
“Yeah, that’s right, so you should suffer a little.”
Kim Do-hyun looked troubled but couldn’t bring himself to push Park Seong-jae away. Judging by how tightly he was holding onto Park Seong-jae to prevent him from falling, he wouldn’t abandon him on the way home at least. Maybe he was just clueless, not completely heartless.
“Please do me a favor. I’ll buy you a meal next time.”
I patted Kim Do-hyun’s shoulder and put on the most pitiful expression I could muster. Park Seong-jae’s house wasn’t far, but supporting him was still difficult. If he were a bit smaller, I could carry him on my back, but how could I carry someone who weighed 20kg more than me? No, if Park Seong-jae were just 10cm shorter, I would have considered it.
“…I’m going to eat something expensive.”
In the end, Kim Do-hyun, who had no right to refuse, surrendered. A deep sigh escaped his lips.
“Okay, eat beef, beef.”
Of course, I was planning to buy him a meal. Though Park Seong-jae would probably pay.
“If you search his pockets, you’ll find his ID. Call me if you can’t find the location.”
“I don’t know Sunbae’s number…”
“Search the internet. GPS is pretty good these days.”
It wasn’t me who interrupted Kim Do-hyun. Choi Tae-gyeom cut between Kim Do-hyun and me and spoke firmly. Then, he put his arm around my shoulder and waved his hand.
“Go quickly. He’s going to throw up.”
“…Huh? Ah, Sunbae, don’t throw up, Sunbae!”
“Ugh, I’m okay… Ugh!”
“Then good luck, Do-hyun. We’re leaving.”
I watched Park Seong-jae gag and pretended not to notice as I walked away. I also sent a silent apology to Kim Do-hyun, who looked pale and anxious. Sorry, if you hadn’t mentioned Omegas, I would have taken him home. Of course, Kim Do-hyun wouldn’t hear that.
“What about you?”
When they were out of sight, I asked Choi Tae-gyeom, who still had his arm around my shoulder. Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t even look at me as he casually replied.
“We can just take a taxi together. Our houses are close.”
“……”
Thud, my steps stopped. Choi Tae-gyeom, who was walking towards the taxi stand, looked at me with a puzzled expression.
“Why?”
“No…”
Come to think of it, he wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t know that I got a studio apartment near the school after being discharged from the military, or that I had been living independently from my family for several months. So, he naturally suggested going home together.
“What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”
Choi Tae-gyeom noticed the subtle change in my face and bent down to meet my eye level. Choi Tae-gyeom’s face, illuminated by the streetlight, was full of concern. I used to worry about him, but now he’s worrying about me. Haha, I let out an awkward laugh, and Choi Tae-gyeom frowned.
“Don’t tell me…”
He’s unnecessarily perceptive. He seemed to have realized what I wanted to say as soon as he saw my expression. So, this time, I needed to confess before he asked.
“I live alone.”
Crash, his face crumpled. There were still parts left to crumple, I thought, with an inappropriate sense of calm.
“It’s been about four months.”
At my quiet words, Choi Tae-gyeom glared at me sharply. His slightly parted lips were also twisted in disbelief.
“You live 30 minutes from school and you’re living alone…?”
“Haha…”
It was an unavoidable choice for me. Living next door would increase the chances of running into each other, and it would be a disaster if Choi Tae-gyeom’s parents came to visit on a day when I was in heat. Of course, I couldn’t explain these circumstances to him.
“It just ended up that way.”
“Lee Yoon-woo, you really…”
Choi Tae-gyeom trailed off, sounding very disappointed. After avoiding him for so long, I was even living alone, so it was no wonder he was dumbfounded. Hoo, he let out a deep sigh and pressed down on my head.
“Never mind, what’s the point of saying anything.”
I could smell a slight hint of alcohol in his breath as he got closer. I grabbed the brim of my hat and tilted it back, examining his exposed face. He was still frowning as he stared at me.
“So, where’s your place?”
“Near the school.”
“Where near the school?”
“Why, if you go down there, there’s a one-room village at the bottom of the hill.”
“Ah, there.”
Choi Tae-gyeom nodded as if he knew where it was. Then, he grabbed my arm and started walking in that direction.
“Let’s go, I’ll take you home.”
“…You’ll take me?”
It was an incomprehensible statement. If anyone was going to take someone home, it should be me taking Choi Tae-gyeom. Even when we were kids, I always walked him home, worried that something might happen to the pretty boy. Although the concept of “taking him home” was ambiguous since we lived next door, I would have taken him home if he lived far away.
But Choi Tae-gyeom asked back with a very dumbfounded expression.
“Don’t tell me, you still think you have to protect me?”
Twitch, my shoulders flinched. I subconsciously averted my gaze, thinking that he had seen through my thoughts. No matter how tall he got, no matter how strong he became, he still overlapped with the fragile boy I knew back then. Of course, the current Choi Tae-gyeom was by no means a child who needed protection.
“No, it’s not that…”
I made a clumsy excuse, but it was no use. He wouldn’t let go of my arm with the determination not to return until he had taken me home. Reluctantly, I let out a deep sigh and pulled my arm away.
“…Just go. The taxi stand is right ahead.”
“I can take a taxi all the way to my house, but you can’t.”
“What kind of logic is that?”
The argument that lasted for several minutes ended in Choi Tae-gyeom’s victory. It was a conclusion I reached because I knew that once Choi Tae-gyeom started being stubborn, he would never give in. If I kept arguing, I would end up spending the night with him here.
No, to be honest, the desire not to part with him also played a part. It was Choi Tae-gyeom whom I had met after five years. The emotions that had grown during that time kept grabbing my ankle, making it hard to let him go without any regrets.
We didn’t say anything to each other on the way to my apartment. Choi Tae-gyeom followed me slowly from half a step behind, and I diligently moved my feet without looking back. Only the subtly wafting pheromone told me that he was following me.
One step, and another step. The closer I got to home, the slower my steps became.
I don’t want to part with Choi Tae-gyeom. Was it because it had been so long since we met? My regret was growing even bigger. I wish we had just taken a taxi together. The thought of seeing his back as he turned away in front of my house filled me with regret.
What was it like in the past? Did I feel sad when we parted?
When we were young, he and I used to walk like this, one in front of the other. Even if I tried to walk side by side, the chick-like boy would soon fall behind. Back then, there was quite a height difference, so the sight of him trotting after me was very cute.
‘Do you want to hold hands?’
Once, I asked him that. I thought it would be better to hold hands since he would fall behind if I wasn’t careful. At least if he was next to me, it would be a little easier to match our pace.
‘……What?’
He widened his eyes in surprise and looked at my outstretched hand with a flustered expression. Then, he frowned and turned his head away.
‘Why all of a sudden?’
At that time, my mood was… a little bit disappointed, I think. There was no need to show that he disliked it so openly, and I felt a little upset. So, I awkwardly withdrew my hand and put it in my pocket.
‘No, it’s because you walk slow.’
Choi Tae-gyeom made a dumbfounded expression at my defensive words. He muttered, ‘I thought…’ and pursed his lips as if he was contemplating something. And not long after, he held out his palm as I had done. His ears, which were barely visible, were slightly red.
‘You’re the one who walks fast.’
After that, we often held hands. The children teased us when they saw us, but neither Choi Tae-gyeom nor I cared. Perhaps it was from that time that we stopped caring about the gazes of others. The warmth felt from our touching hands was small and warm.
“…He was cute back then.”
“What?”
Choi Tae-gyeom asked back at my words that I had muttered without realizing it. I slowly moved my feet and put my hands in my pockets. My hands, which couldn’t grasp anything, felt strangely empty.
“No, I mean, in the past. We used to always hold hands.”
“Ah… that time.”
I wondered if he would remember, but it seemed he hadn’t forgotten either. He curved his eyes with a pleasant smile. Well, it wasn’t just for a day or two, and we always did that until he manifested as an Alpha. It would be stranger if he had forgotten.
“You were cute back then.”
“What about now?”
“You’re saying creepy things.”
Giggle, I heard laughter. I could also feel a sweet pheromone following the wind. Had the pheromone blown in a strange wind? I took my hand out of my pocket and stopped in place. Choi Tae-gyeom stopped following me.
“Do you want to hold hands?”
It was an impulsive question. Whether I was drunk on the night air or Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones, I was definitely drunk on something. I turned to look at him, holding out my hand, and he looked at me with a calm gaze. I felt strangely embarrassed by the hand I had extended to him.
“Just, it reminded me of the old days.”
“……”
“Don’t be so serious, you idiot. I’m just joking…”
Before I could finish speaking, our hands touched. Choi Tae-gyeom intertwined his fingers with mine, startling me. The warmth felt from his tightly held hand was comforting.
“I wasn’t walking slow back then either.”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand was different from before. The small, soft hand that was like a fern was now a size bigger than mine. The shape was still pretty, but the hand with bulging tendons and knuckles was clearly that of a grown adult.
“I walked behind you on purpose.”
A memory flashed through my mind. The memory of constantly turning around because I was worried about him walking one step behind me, and falling several times. In the first place, Choi Tae-gyeom was the cause, and even that only happened a few times.
“…When did I fall all the time?”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand tightened. I quickly pulled my hand away to avoid showing that I was surprised. If I held on any longer, the pheromones I had been holding back would spill out. I turned around and started walking, and Choi Tae-gyeom silently followed me.
“Lee Yoon-woo.”
How many steps had I taken? Not long after, Choi Tae-gyeom called my name. I heard his quiet voice from behind.
“I have so many things I’m curious about about you.”
I slowly turned around. I saw Choi Tae-gyeom standing upright with his hands in his pockets. His field of vision was a little higher, perhaps because he had grown taller even after graduation. He tilted his head and looked down at me with a pensive expression.
“How you’ve been, what you’ve been doing, or at least if you’ve thought about me.”
“……”
“Why you avoided me, why you live alone. Which military unit you served in, and what you did on your vacations that I didn’t see a single strand of your hair.”
Those were all the things I wanted to ask. How Choi Tae-gyeom had been, what he had been doing, if he had thought about me, and why he hadn’t looked for me while I was avoiding him.
There were many things I wanted to ask. There were many things I wanted to know. I hadn’t seen him for over five years, and instead of giving up, my lingering feelings had only grown. As they say, presence comes from absence. His absence had gradually increased the size of my emotions within me.
“Why?”
But this was different from the curiosity he had. I sometimes forgot about Choi Tae-gyeom, but he probably thought of me sometimes. The emotions we had for each other were different in shape as much as they were in size.
“Why were you curious about that?”
I wanted to smoke a cigarette. It was because of the pheromones he was conveying along the wind. It was the same pheromone I had felt when I was diagnosed as an Omega before graduating high school and started avoiding him. It was also the pheromone he would release more loosely than usual when we were alone.
“Because we’re friends.”
The reason was sufficient in four letters. Choi Tae-gyeom spoke the word that I had struggled to utter with so much difficulty without the slightest hesitation. There wasn’t even a hint of wavering in his eyes as he uttered the word ‘friend’.
“I’m curious because we’re friends.”
“……”
“Or why else would I care?”
Yeah, if we weren’t friends, there would be no reason to care.
It was as good as a predetermined answer. I had anticipated it enough, and I had finished preparing my mind. I had practiced what to say when I heard those words while going through numerous trials and errors.
“I don’t think of you as a friend.”
Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me with cold, hardened eyes. His gaze as he looked at me under the streetlight was as pitiful as a rain-soaked puppy. I slowly approached him and raised the corners of my lips into a smile.
“Someone like you isn’t a friend, but family.”
I wanted to be even half sincere. Even if it was a lie, I wanted to directly say that he wasn’t a friend. Fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom’s expression softened as soon as he heard the word ‘family’, and he let out a hollow laugh as soon as I nudged his shoulder. The pheromones floating in the air were also much calmer than before.
After that, we moved slowly and had small talk. As if the words that he was curious weren’t a lie, Choi Tae-gyeom asked me several questions as if he was going to find out all about my daily life during that time. Fortunately, there was nothing I couldn’t answer, and by the time we reached my house, Choi Tae-gyeom also had a refreshed expression.
“Is it here?”
My apartment was located 5 minutes from school. In fact, it was 5 minutes to the back gate, and I had to go another 10 minutes to the department building, but this was a pretty close distance.
“Should I live alone too?”
“Don’t. It costs a lot of money and it’s not worth it.”
As Choi Tae-gyeom said earlier, there’s no reason to live alone when it’s only 30 minutes from home to school. It costs money, and it’s terribly lonely. The only advantage is that it’s comfortable because I’m alone. It’s not that luxury is anything special, but all these parts seem like luxury.
“Then why do you live alone?”
“…There are some advantages, I guess.”
“Look at that change of attitude.”
Choi Tae-gyeom clicked his tongue and gestured towards the entrance as if telling me to go in. Then, the way he was standing still seemed like he was going to check that I went in. I wanted to tell him to stay over, but because of who he was, even the words to come in were cautious.
“Would you like some tea?”
“No, not at this hour.”
Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t seem to have any intention of coming into my house. Actually, when I only heard that he would take me home, I thought he would ask me to let him sleep over for one night, but it seemed like he really only intended to take me home.
“You don’t like people coming to your house.”
Choi Tae-gyeom added, shrugging his shoulders. It wasn’t wrong, but the fact that Choi Tae-gyeom wasn’t included in that ‘someone’ was different. The reason I didn’t like people entering my space was because of the rejection of someone entering my territory. Of course, Choi Tae-gyeom, who was already in my territory, wasn’t included.
Of course, that didn’t mean I was going to let him into my house. However, I just pressed the entrance password with a slightly apologetic feeling.
Beep- The door opened, and at the same time, I heard Choi Tae-gyeom’s friendly greeting.
“It’s late. Go in.”
“You go in carefully too.”
Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t answer. He just stood there and watched me go in. Once while pressing the elevator button, and once while closing the elevator door. We made eye contact a total of two times, but even during that time, he didn’t show any signs of moving.
When I came home, Choi Tae-gyeom had sent me a message for the first time in five years. The content wasn’t anything special. He had now taken a taxi, and he was going to go home, wash up, and sleep well. So, Lee Yoon-woo, you sleep well too, and see you tomorrow.
It used to be a natural greeting we exchanged, but still, my heart fluttered. I was so happy to share even the smallest words that sending a short message like “Sleep well, you too” was nerve-wracking.
It seemed that five years hadn’t killed my feelings for Choi Tae-gyeom. Seeing the emotions that had been dormant for so long flare up like a fire.
That day, I couldn’t fall asleep until late at night.