By Zephyria 
Aska’s eyes started to redden again at my words. I licked his wet eyelashes and the skin around his eyes before lightly kissing his cheekbones, the tip of his nose, and his lips.
He seemed to be in a better mood, and we had made up, so wouldn’t it be a good time to get down to business? I wanted to fully enjoy the touching moment, but this was separate from that. This wasn’t a problem that could be glossed over, so I had no choice but to bring up the uncomfortable topic again.
“Is there really no way to fix the heart? If you gave it to me, does that mean you have to make a new one?”
I cautiously asked, watching his reaction. I was worried he might try to evade the question again, but thankfully, Aska spoke honestly without trying to hide anything.
“There seem to be many ways to fix it, but there’s nothing I can do right now.”
“What do you mean, ‘seem to be’? Are you not sure?”
“Some memories have come back… but I haven’t actually tried them.”
“Then can’t you try it first? Would attempting it affect me?”
As long as I didn’t die, I was confident I could endure any effect. But from my past experiences, I knew that saying this would likely make Aska glare at me and get angry again. I swallowed the words that had risen to my throat, and Aska furrowed his brow.
“That’s… well, most of them are based on the life energy gained from killing other people, so it’s a bit…”
I had somewhat expected this since Aska, who had been a lump of flesh, had used human corpses to repair his injured body. If the worst came to the worst, I would have no choice but to consider it, but there were many things that bothered me about implementing it right away.
And if we really used such a method, I felt like there would be a big change in Aska and me. It was hard to put into words, but it was like a premonition that even the little bit of humanity we had left would disappear.
So, this was one of the many defense lines that Mahir had always urged me to draw in order to live like a human. I felt like if I crossed that line even once, there would be no turning back.
Anyway, there were one or two unsettling aspects, so it was hard to try it easily. Aska probably knew this, which is why he was reluctant to tell me.
“Then, are there any more moderate methods besides that?”
“There are, but they’re also ambiguous. It takes too long… If it takes that long, then I don’t really need to make one.”
Aska glanced at me and muttered.
“How long does it take?”
“Over a thousand years…”
“……”
A thousand years? I was thinking of a few decades, but my expectations were completely off. Hearing this made me realize once again that Aska wasn’t human.
“If you just focus on recovery like you did in the lake, how long would it take?”
“It depends on the environment, but it would take a few years. I don’t know. But it’ll be faster than when I was alone in the lake before, right? After all, I’ve done it once.”
If it’s going to be fast, shouldn’t we try that first?
Aska sighed, as if he had read my expression in that fleeting moment.
“Even if I do that, it’ll still take over a year. And you won’t be able to last a day. What am I saying, you won’t even last half a day?”
“Then can’t we divide it into 10 minutes a day or something?”
I was trying to think of a solution as much as possible, but Aska burst out laughing. He didn’t even tell me it was impossible, as if it was so absurd.
“Anyway, I’m really okay, so don’t worry too much.”
“It’s not a matter of worrying or not, we have to find a solution. I’ve decided to live with you for a long, long time, so I’ll try something in the meantime. So don’t keep saying you’re okay. You’re not okay, are you?”
Aska pouted his lips again at my words. I tapped Aska’s lips with my index finger as if scolding him.
“When I came to see Pipi and you, I saw a strange woman. Let’s go see that person first. Or is she not a person? Anyway, she seemed to have a lot to say since she kept talking.”
“A woman? Is she by any chance has black hair?”
“No, blonde. She was in a mountain with a lot of snow. With a big Reindeer.”
It was a scene I had only glimpsed as if an old memory was suddenly coming to mind, but it was deeply etched in my mind. I didn’t know if she was alive or where she was, but I felt like I had to meet her.
“Does she have long ears?”
Aska suddenly asked, as if he was thinking hard about something. When I nodded, Aska widened his eyes as if he knew something.
“That race is called Elves.”
“Elves? I’ve never heard of them.”
I didn’t remember seeing the word Elf in any books describing the Magical creature of ancient times. But I had seen that race in my dreams a few times. Besides, Mahir said that the Forgotten Race he met in Gaulaprum also had long ears.
“Anyway, since I keep seeing her, she’ll probably tell me something if I go to see her. Let’s go ask her. If there’s a way to fix you.”
“Where to?”
“I have to think about that now.”
I muttered, lowering my hand and touching Aska’s shoulders and collarbone. I clearly saw the wound in this area with my own eyes, but it was fine now.
If I strained my eyes and looked closely, I could still feel something strange, but it was only for a moment. Aska covered my eyes with his palm as I continued to glare.
“Why do you keep staring?”
“It’s like I see something, but it’s like I don’t… When I woke up last time, I saw it clearly for a moment.”
Why does it keep appearing and disappearing? Frustrated, I grabbed Aska’s wrist and pulled it down, saying,
“Show me the wound.”
“Why do you keep asking me to show it to you? You can’t fix it even if you see it.”
“I know. I can’t fix it.”
If I could, I would have done it a long time ago.
“Are you afraid I’ll say you’re not pretty again?”
I remembered how shocked Aska was when he was told he was ugly before. I didn’t mean it that way, but it must have sounded different to Aska, who had gone through so many terrible things.
“If you have scars or wounds, you’re not pretty?”
I asked, just in case, but Aska shook his head.
“That’s not it. I know you wouldn’t think that.”
“Then why won’t you show me?”
“I just don’t want to… Does there have to be a reason?”
“……”
Seeing his face getting more and more distorted, I closed my mouth. Who did he take after to be so stubborn? I was about to sigh, but I held it in.
When he’s this sensitive, even a single sigh could set Aska off. No, do I have to live my life being so careful? I can’t even sigh as I please?
I was dumbfounded and frustrated, but I couldn’t force him to keep showing me. As Aska said, if I could fix it, I would have tried to see it by force, no matter what.
I had no choice but to let Aska have his way this time as well. Once he starts being stubborn, there’s no way to stop him.
If he were a vassal, I could just hit him a few times and threaten him, but I don’t know what to do when my wife is like this. I can’t treat him like a subordinate. Maybe Mahir knows? He’s wiser than me…
I was wondering if I should go ask Mahir, when suddenly, a past event came to mind. Nadia was putting a lot of women’s accessories in Mahir’s hair…
“……”
Even when he told her not to, she kept insisting that he was pretty, so Mahir couldn’t do anything about it. So, the wise Mahir was actually no different from me.
Suddenly losing my will, I had no choice but to accept reality.
“Okay, then show it to me later when you want to show it to me.”
“……”
Aska lowered his gaze with a sullen expression at my words. It was a problem that he was only pretty even when he was being so stubborn. If he was just a little less pretty, there would be so many more ways to handle Aska.
I brushed Aska’s long hair back and said,
“You don’t have to show it to me, but don’t hide it. You have to tell me if you get hurt. Okay?”
His heart was still aching, but it was much better than not knowing anything at all. Aska’s eyes widened at my request. I stared at his trembling eyes for a long time before kissing his eyes.
He didn’t say anything during that time, so I urged him to answer.
“Okay?”
But Aska didn’t answer until the end. When I raised my head slightly to check his face, his eyes were much redder than before. Aska couldn’t easily look me in the eye and avoided my gaze, muttering,
“It’s not that I was trying to hide it on purpose, it’s just that it’s disgusting…”
I was about to say something at those words, but I paused. It was because the wounds were revealed on his body, which had been perfectly fine just a moment ago. I looked at Aska with surprised eyes, but Aska still couldn’t make eye contact with me.
Like a person standing naked alone, Aska’s expression was filled with anxiety, fear, and shame. I quietly looked at Aska’s face before lowering my gaze.
There were many small wounds, but the most noticeable were on his shoulder and left chest. The shoulder had a clear trace of a large, gaping wound as if a hole had been pierced through it, and the long, deep cut on his left chest was serious.
Because there was no blood, the cross-section of the wound was even more visible. Aska’s body was trembling slightly, whether it was because of the pain or because he was nervous.
I carefully raised my hand and gently rubbed near the wounded area.
“Does it hurt?”
“It’s okay…”
Aska muttered in a low voice at my quiet question, trailing off at the end. When I raised my head, our eyes met. Aska looked at me with wet eyes and hesitated for a long time before saying,
“It throbs a little.”
“Even when you’re still?”
“Yeah, not too bad.”
So, Aska had been feeling pain every day since he met me? Guilt and anger at myself surged, blurring my vision, when Aska asked,
“Did you hurt too?”
Before I could even wonder, ‘When?’, countless scenes flashed through my mind simultaneously. The moments of tragedy that were too verbose in the otherwise ordinary days.
“……”
“……”
After opening and closing my mouth several times, I finally spoke.
“It hurt.”
I could see tears welling up in his reddened eyes at my short answer. Aska reached out and hugged me tightly. The torn, pierced, and split wounds roughly touched my skin.
I quietly closed my eyes and hugged Aska’s back in return.