By Zephyria 
The gentle pressure I felt between my fingers made me take a slow, deep breath. The rapid beating of my heart slowly began to stabilize.
“I always wondered if you would tell me when you were going to leave. Eventually, you caused such a huge accident and disappeared without a trace. Did you think I would stop you from leaving? Or did you think I would forcibly drag you back? Is that why you disappeared without a word? Thinking about it, my bewilderment turned into resentment.”
“……”
“But as time passed, I started to think differently. It takes you a week to say you want a sandwich, so how long would it take you to say you were leaving?”
Mahir’s gaze, which had been looking elsewhere, met mine. I couldn’t tell what my expression was, but he smiled at me.
“Since you didn’t leave in the end, and you couldn’t contact me for other reasons, I have no reason to be angry. It was a relief that you disappeared with Aska.”
“……”
“After looking into it, I was relieved to find out that some people who had left the Harem were also missing. At least I knew you wouldn’t be alone.”
I felt sincerity in his calm words. He was conveying his emotions to me, exactly as he felt them, without any lies or embellishments.
Was it easy for Mahir to say what was on his mind? More than anything else, the fact that he was disappointed in me pierced my heart like an awl.
I couldn’t just assume he would know without me saying anything and gloss over it. Nevertheless, it was still difficult to say embarrassing things, but the warmth I felt in my hand encouraged me.
“If I was sick of the Imperial Castle and was thinking of leaving, I probably would have left secretly without telling you.”
Like Mahir thought, I actually often had such thoughts. Even on the day the sky was torn, I tried to sneak out of the Imperial Castle with Aska. If the seal hadn’t been broken, we probably would have become fugitives.
“But…”
My head was complicated and disorganized, so my words were endlessly slow and frustrating, but no one urged me.
“But even so, if I had settled down outside, I would have definitely contacted you later. I couldn’t show you that I ran away to live on my own and ended up being a beggar.”
I looked down and spoke honestly.
I couldn’t even jokingly say that I would tell Mahir everything and leave. That was a lie.
“It might take some time… but anyway.”
I’m not usually someone who can’t speak my mind, so why do I become so stupid in front of Mahir? My vocabulary disappears, and I just feel like my intelligence drops.
Mahir, who was watching me stammer, unable to finish a single sentence properly, opened his mouth.
“That’s why I kept waiting. I knew you weren’t dead, so I thought you would contact me someday. I preferred that you weren’t contacting me by choice rather than being unable to, so I hoped that was the case.”
“……”
“But in the end, it turned out you couldn’t because you were sick, so I…”
“You…”
I cut off Mahir’s words and opened my mouth. I felt like I would never be able to say it if I didn’t say it at this moment. I lifted my gaze, which had been lowered, and looked at his face.
Mahir, who had wrinkles around his eyes that weren’t there before, looked older than I remembered. The faint wrinkles, so faint that they were barely visible unless he strained his eyes, kept making my throat tighten.
“When you ascended the throne, I…”
“……”
“Couldn’t be…”
“……”
“There with you. I’m sorry.”
I barely managed to finish the words, but I didn’t feel relieved.
Of course, the coronation ceremony would have gone smoothly even without me. There’s nothing strange about me not being there. But when I think about the fact that I wasn’t there at that moment that will never come again, I can’t help but feel regretful.
“You really.”
Mahir, who had been staring at me, opened his mouth after a long time. He looked back and forth between me and Aska, then muttered to himself.
“You’ve grown up so much.”
“……”
“You can even think about things like that.”
“……”
The mixed feelings I had were shattered like a thin layer of sugar by Mahir’s short words. I couldn’t help but sigh.
“Do you know how old I am?”
“Just getting older doesn’t mean you become an adult.”
“That’s true.”
Aska, who had been quietly beside me, suddenly chimed in with Mahir’s words. I turned my head in betrayal and paused. Aska’s expression as he looked at me was much more relaxed than before. The moment I saw that face, the strength that had been in my body was released.
“Of course, it would have been more reassuring if the two of you had been by my side when I ascended the throne, but more than anything, I’m glad that we’ve met again healthy.”
With those words, Mahir took out a small pouch from his sleeve. Then he handed it to Aska. Aska, who had received it without thinking, looked at him with a puzzled expression.
“I couldn’t bring much else in a hurry.”
“What is it?”
I put my shoulder against Aska’s shoulder and carefully examined the pouch. When I untied the string that bound the opening, it was full of dried fruit.
“Didn’t you like that?”
Mahir looked at us with a satisfied expression, as if asking if he was right. I put my hand into the pouch with a dumbfounded feeling and took out a piece of dried fruit.
It was thick and large enough to fill my mouth when I ate one. It was slightly soft, as if it hadn’t been completely dried.
Curious, I took a small bite. It was much softer, and the inside was almost like a paste. But it wasn’t as sweet as I thought, so I was about to take another bite when Aska hurriedly opened his mouth as if he had remembered something.
“Kyle can taste things now.”
“What?”
Mahir looked even more surprised than when he saw me at the door earlier. Aska began to tell Mahir this and that, like a child writing a diary.
“We went to eat spicy stew together yesterday, and he ate the spicy food well, but he seemed to dislike sour things. And he also hates fish and is more picky than I thought. He says he doesn’t like sweets, but he eats them well when you give them to him. He seems to like things with a strong umami flavor the most. He eats crustaceans if you peel them for him, but not if you don’t.”
At first, I didn’t think much of it, but as he went on, I felt like he was tattling on me. Why is he telling me things that he doesn’t need to tell me?
Mahir couldn’t close his mouth as he listened to Aska’s words. I sighed at his undignified appearance and reached out to close his jaw.
“How? Did you just suddenly start tasting things at some point?”
Aska opened his mouth as if he was about to say something again. I blocked his mouth with the dried fruit I was eating and said.
“It hasn’t been a few days. One day, I was drinking tea, and it was suddenly so bitter that I knew for sure.”
“Have you eaten a lot of delicious things? You used to like sheep’s milk when you were very young, have you eaten that too?”
“I haven’t eaten sheep’s milk, but I eat cheese made from sheep’s milk well.”
Aska answered instead, as if he had already eaten it all. And when are you talking about sheep’s milk? I was afraid he was going to talk about when I was a baby, so I didn’t even bring it up.
“That’s really a relief. You didn’t eat well originally, and you didn’t even taste things, so you ate even less, didn’t you? Now that you’re an adult, don’t be picky about food and eat well on time. There are other fruits below… yes, that one.”
Mahir watched us munch on the dried fruit with a delighted expression. As he said, there was another fruit below, darker in color and a little smaller in size.
Unlike the first one, which had almost no scent, this one had a strong sweet smell. But the moment I put it in my mouth, a strong sour taste made my hair stand on end.
“Ugh…”
I shuddered and trembled, then let go of the dried fruit. Since there wasn’t much to begin with, the pouch was almost empty. Then Mahir, who had been quietly watching us eat, said.
“Have you eaten it all?”
At those words, Aska held the pouch in his palm and shook it. One big one and two small ones came out. Aska put the big one in my mouth and ate the small one himself, then nodded.
“Okay, then let’s hear what’s been going on.”
At that moment, I stopped moving my mouth. Mahir was still smiling, but the atmosphere had subtly changed. I swallowed what was in my mouth and fiddled with the empty pouch that had contained the dried fruit.
Could it be that he was trying to coax us with food? Because he thought we wouldn’t tell him otherwise? It was definitely delicious, but it was clear that Mahir really thought of us as children.
Unaware of this, Aska, who had already fallen for it, began to chatter without any suspicion.
“We went to the Ruins a while ago and fought with some woodcutters near there.”
“Woodcutters?”
“Or were they hunters?”
Ah, I’m not ready to talk about this yet… I closed my eyes tightly, counting in my head how many people I had killed.