By Zephyria 
※Please note that the story contains depictions of violence, murder, and other disturbing elements. Please consider this before purchasing.
From the first day I could remember, I had heard about the Emperor until my ears bled. Mostly it was about his great achievements, and occasionally about his unspeakable atrocities.
“……”
Actually, it was the opposite.
Mostly it was about his unspeakable atrocities, and occasionally, like a bean sprouting in a drought, I would hear about some achievement.
In any case, everyone in this country knew that the Emperor was insane. They just couldn’t say it for fear of having their tongues cut out and being killed. All the officials in the court were aware that the Emperor’s condition was serious.
“Your Highness, please tell me if you experience any unusual symptoms.”
Of course, I knew all that. But I also thought some of it was exaggerated. When you rule a country, rumors are bound to follow, and Actan is at war, so the ruler has to be ruthless if necessary.
I certainly thought so…
“Your eyes are twitching. Are you alright?”
“……”
“If it’s difficult to communicate…”
“Be quiet, it’s bearable for now.”
The physician shut his mouth as I glared at him with trembling eyes. I realized that my body was getting hotter and hotter.
It was not uncommon for royals to take poison to build up resistance. But I had drunk a lethal dose of poison just a while ago. And again…
I didn’t know that health management was supposed to be like this. I was actually afraid of having to drink poison again, but I couldn’t refuse the Emperor’s order. Even if it wasn’t the Emperor’s order, I probably would have gladly obeyed.
Isn’t it because it’s a necessary thing, separate from my fears, that they’re making me do it?
Besides, the physician was always on standby, and an antidote was prepared in case of an emergency.
But I couldn’t help but wonder. Even so, so suddenly? I’m not even fully recovered yet? Come to think of it, he didn’t even ask if I was okay.
Why? Did he forget? Maybe he had something urgent to do later and forgot. There must be some reason, but I kept feeling a little sad.
He doesn’t know my name, he doesn’t know my age… We’ve never met, and he must be busy…
“……”
As soon as I had a weak thought, I was startled and pulled myself together.
He was the Emperor before he was my father, and I was a member of the Actan royal family. I didn’t have time to worry about such things. Now, as the Emperor said, there would be a mountain of things to learn as a royal.
Ignoring the pain that was getting worse and making my body tremble, I tried to be as calm as possible when I heard a strange sound in my ear.
“Are you okay…”
“……”
“…with, the body temperature is… strong…”
I couldn’t hear what they were saying next to me. Is it the kind that causes hearing problems? No wonder my ear canals have felt like they’re burning since a while ago.
The moment I opened my mouth to say I couldn’t hear, sour liquid came up from my throat.
I vomited more than five times, and today’s resistance-building class was over.
¸.•¨•¸.•¨•¸.•¨•¸
I even took classes because they said they would cut off my fingers if I couldn’t read by the time we met again. I didn’t have much of an appetite because I threw up so much yesterday. Since I didn’t eat anything, I naturally didn’t have any energy.
I was listening to the professor’s explanation while lying on my desk when I suddenly felt the inside of my nose getting hot. I was puzzled and straightened up, and blood dripped down.
I was worried that it was the residue of the poison I had taken yesterday, but fortunately, it wasn’t that, it was just a nosebleed from being tired.
“Your Highness, please try to eat a little today, even if you don’t have an appetite. The Chef said he made a thin soup that’s easy to swallow.”
Even though Jia worriedly urged me, I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything. But it was true that I had to eat something to get my strength back.
If I got another nosebleed, it would just be a waste of time, so I gestured for her to bring it.
The soup was prepared lukewarm because my esophageal mucosa was damaged. I stirred it with a spoon for no reason and took a bite.
“Why is it so bland?”
“They said they made it lightly seasoned, just in case.”
“It’s not lightly seasoned, it’s just tasteless.”
“Shall I have them make it again?”
“Never mind.”
Sigh… I can’t even eat what I want… I can’t even remember the last time I had a delicious meal.
Still, I felt a little better because my condition wasn’t very good, so I probably wouldn’t have to take poison for a while.
“Come to think of it, I don’t see one of the children who used to assist with my bath…”
“Ah, that child has taken a few days off.”
“A vacation?”
“I heard him say that his father was sick at home… Should I find out more details?”
There was no need to find out the details of a mere Servant’s work. But I had a bad feeling. What if someone else approaches me again and tells me to give you poison in exchange for medical bills?
Innocent servants will die for no reason, and I may have to go through the troublesome process of moving my residence again.
“Find out.”
“Yes? Ah, I understand.”
Jia answered with a flustered expression, as if she didn’t really expect me to tell her to find out.
After eating enough to fill my stomach and resting, I took the class again. But the nosebleeds continued, and I often lost consciousness at night due to the fever.
It was said that using poison on an immature body was too much, even to build up resistance. Does that mean I don’t have to take poison anymore? If I didn’t have to take poison, I felt like I could sit at my desk and study all day.
“It’s not because you’re incompetent, is it?”
But the Emperor questioned the physician’s qualifications.
It was only recently that I had resolved to fulfill my role as a member of the Actan royal family with dignity. But I didn’t want to be sick anymore, to the point where all of that was meaningless. So I curled up as much as possible and acted weak and pathetic to appeal to the Emperor’s sympathy.
Even if the royals are gods, they feel pain the same way.
I heard the Emperor’s voice and knew that he was upset, but I still kept acting sickly. I had been exaggerating to the physician recently, so he would speak for me.
“Your Majesty, it’s not that, it’s just that His Highness is having a hard time…”
Then, with a whoosh, blood splattered on the floor.
I slowly closed and opened my eyes with a bewildered expression. Hot blood soaked my face and body. I stared blankly at the crimson blood spreading out like paint around the fallen physician’s corpse, and the Emperor opened his mouth.
“Then how did Mahir endure it?”
“……”
The already dead physician, of course, could not answer.
Is this a dream?
It didn’t feel real, and my vision was blurry as if I were hallucinating. I straightened my kneeling legs and stood up. The Emperor’s brow furrowed even more when I, covered in blood, suddenly stood up without permission.
“Your Majesty, there’s something I’d like to ask.”
“What?”
I didn’t listen to him and asked what I was curious about.
“Why did you kill him?”
“What?”
“He was just expressing his opinion, but why did you kill him? He didn’t do anything wrong, he was just Your Majesty…”
I didn’t understand, so I asked, and Khalifa, who was looking down at me, raised his arm. It was the hand holding the sword, but I didn’t think for a moment that he might kill me.
Of course not?
The Emperor was my father. I was his son, and we were family. What father in the world would cut his son to death with a sword?
Sure enough, as I expected, the arm he had raised high paused in the air for a moment. Before I could feel relieved, I felt a great pain in my face. I was slapped on the cheek with the back of his hand and flew backwards before falling to the floor with a thud.
I was hit so hard that I couldn’t focus properly for a while. The world was spinning even though I wasn’t moving, and my ears were ringing.
I came to my senses when I heard a voice from above.
“You think I can’t kill you.”
I raised my head with eyes that wouldn’t open properly. At the same time, hot blood flowed down from somewhere, though I didn’t know if it was my mouth.
I was still trying to figure out the situation. As I gasped for breath and barely focused, I saw cold, sunken eyes.
As soon as I met those dark eyes, I quickly came to my senses.
“I’ve never thought that.”
It wasn’t a lie. I had never thought that he would kill me, so of course I had never thought that he couldn’t kill me. I just never…
Every time I opened my mouth, blood pooled in my mouth and overflowed.
“Then why are you acting so arrogant?”
“I was just curious and asked.”
“Why I killed this man?”
I staggered to my feet, straightened my posture, and knelt down. Then I bowed my head and answered.
“Yes.”
For a while, the Emperor didn’t say anything. I just waited for an answer, keeping my head bowed. The droplets of blood that had formed at the tip of my chin fell quickly, creating a puddle.
Since blood had splattered when the physician died earlier, I was now literally soaked in blood. But that didn’t matter. The problem was that I felt so sick.
I must have messed something up when I was hit earlier, because I kept feeling nauseous. Was it because I couldn’t focus properly? The symptoms, similar to motion sickness, were getting worse and worse.
I barely managed to hold back the churning in my stomach, but I realized that I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t throw up here, can I? I shouldn’t…
I pressed my lips tightly together and bit down hard on the flesh inside my mouth.
Should I just go crazy and throw up here?
Just when I was about to lose my ability to think straight because my stomach was churning so much, the Emperor finally opened his mouth.
“Because he doesn’t…”
“……”
I raised my head and saw Khalifa standing in the light, looking down at me. His expression was not clearly visible because of the backlight.
“Because he doesn’t listen to me.”
“……”
“That’s why I killed him. Does that answer your question?”
“Yes, thank you for satisfying my curiosity.”
I just tried to please him as much as possible so I could go back quickly. Because I couldn’t throw up here. As I lay flat on the floor, the Emperor, who had been quietly watching me again, finally left.
I was in too much pain from where I had been hit to move. As I lay there, I realized that I must have been shocked. I must have had some kind of expectation of the Emperor without even realizing it.
Anyway, after that, I decided to just pretend that I didn’t have a father.