129 – Recolor

He had spent time alone, thinking and ruminating on why Eun-ha was constantly anxious, why he clung to anxieties he didn’t need to endure, and had come up with some kind of solution.

“…….”

How was he supposed to react at a time like this? For a moment, unable to find his bearings, Eun-ha’s cheeks stiffened awkwardly. A strangely fluttering feeling welled up inside him. It was because he hadn’t known that Yeon-jun had been keeping such things in mind all along. He hadn’t thought Yeon-jun would consider it that deeply.

Yeon-jun certainly liked him—liked him a lot—but Eun-ha occasionally fell into the impression that the other man didn’t seem to have much attachment to their relationship. It was an assessment that would likely leave the party involved utterly bewildered if he ever found out. Eun-ha knew that, too. The boy had always done his best in the relationship. He was good at expressing affection, had never been neglectful, and tried to resolve problems quickly as soon as they arose.

But it truly felt that way. It was likely due to his personality—the way he concluded everything so firmly and cleanly. Eun-ha felt that if the day ever came when the total volume of his heart diminished… he would simply conclude that it had decreased for him as well. He felt Yeon-jun would just accept it without much regret.

And yet, he had been worrying about him that much internally.

“…….”

For a moment, he felt good. A ticklish sensation washed over him. Not particularly fond of that fluttering feeling, he gripped the edge of the sheet tightly. He felt it was a bit too much. Too much, and unpleasant…

And then Eun-ha realized that, as he often did when he was satisfied, Read unauthorized copyon Read BL Novelshe was grumbling in reverse. Just because it felt strange and awkward.

It was ridiculous. To find the sensation of being loved strange and awkward. It wasn’t as if he had grown up without love, and he had even maintained long-term relationships in the past. Yet here he was, feeling this all over again.

What was this? What was this feeling…

“…….”

While resisting internally, Eun-ha knew that wasn’t actually the case. He had never received this specific kind of love before. An affection that wasn’t coercive, wasn’t twisted, was straightforward, and was stable without any lingering resentment.

Eun-ha occasionally realized that Yeon-jun was someone who had lived in a completely different world from him, and that realization hit him now.

While he agonized over how to answer, a natural silence settled between them. In the conscious stillness, Yeon-jun remained silent for a while before reaching for Eun-ha’s hand, which was resting on his head. He toyed with the slender fingers, maintaining a leisurely posture as if it didn’t matter whether he got an answer or not.

Eun-ha looked down at him quietly. Then, as if by chance, their eyes met, and the boy gave a slight smile with his eyes. There was a hint of playfulness in it.

As if responding, Eun-ha made a grumbling face for no reason. He finally opened his mouth, his voice small.

“……Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“I get it.”

“I see.”

“……Sorry.”

“Hmm……? For what?”

“Just. I feel like I made you worry for nothing.”

“Not really. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“……Anyway, what do you mean by ‘that’s not the only thing’?”

Responding lightly, Yeon-jun interlaced his fingers with the hand he had been touching. Amidst the routine skinship, Eun-ha Read on Read BL Novelsclumsily [stolen content]changed the subject. It was an overtly artificial shift in topic, but he didn’t mean it insincerely. His mind had lingered on that specific part of what Yeon-jun had said. It had a nuance suggesting that their past didn’t consist of just a single point in time.

“You said that wasn’t the only thing that happened in the past.”

Yeon-jun’s lack of a clear answer only fueled the vague suspicion. It was a question asked with the expectation of a clear response, but he only let the corners of his mouth curl slightly. Like someone who obviously had a secret.

As Eun-ha watched his eyes shift slightly, his brow gradually furrowed. He asked more seriously.

“What…… did we meet somewhere else too?”

“I wonder……?”

“If we did, we did. What do you mean, ‘I wonder’?”

“Hmm.”

“Ah, come on. What is it?”

“Mmm-.”

“I’m right, aren’t I? We did. What is it? Tell me properly.”

He pressed him for a long time, but there were no significant results. Yeon-jun only wore a meaningful smile. He stubbornly kept his mouth shut. At that attitude, which was practically the same as an admission, Eun-ha felt his already confused mind twisting even further. He didn’t know what on earth that was about.

He pressed down on Yeon-jun’s shoulder and looked him straight in the eye.

“There really is more?”

No, but when exactly?

“Why didn’t you tell me something like that? You’ve never mentioned this before.”

Every single bit of it was news to him. That they had been on greeting terms in this house long ago. That they had points of contact elsewhere besides that time. He was nearly speechless at a series of events he had never once considered.

While one person’s head felt like it was about to explode from complexity, Yeon-jun only chuckled. Correcting his posture from lying diagonally, he spoke.

“I just…… thought you might not remember. [Read Read on Read BL Novelson Read BL [Read on Read BL Novels]Novels]Since it might not have been a big deal to you, Hyung. And well…….”

“…….”

“The present is the present, and the past is the past?”

“…….”

“It would be funny to make a fuss over something that’s already passed.”

In short, it meant that although they had crossed paths several times in the past, he didn’t feel particularly regretful that Eun-ha hadn’t recognized him. He had just let it pass, thinking that if he didn’t know, he didn’t know.

At that plain explanation, Eun-ha blinked rapidly. Truly, every time he saw it, he found this simple and easygoing personality fascinating.

If it were me—meaning, if I liked someone and that person didn’t remember our past at all… I think I would have been very hurt on my own. I would have worried about it. I might have even spiraled into a hole of despair…

“And…….”

“…….”

“If possible, I wanted Hyung to remember it himself?”

It was then. At the same moment their gazes entwined, the boy, wearing a beaming smile, suddenly reached out. He grabbed one of Eun-ha’s forearms and pulled him toward himself. Being dragged awkwardly, Eun-ha experienced a moment where his vision shook violently as he fell right on top of Yeon-jun. Yeon-jun, who had wrapped his arms around Eun-ha’s waist to secure him, immediately flipped their bodies to the side.

When he regained his senses, Eun-ha found himself lying stretched out on the bed. Lying face-to-face with Yeon-jun, his face was buried in the other’s chest.

After being held for a few seconds within the soft fabric, he peeked his head up.

“So.”

“…….”

“Where else did we meet?”

Yeon-jun gazed at him intently. After a brief pause, he pressed his forehead firmly against Eun-ha’s shoulder. He murmured, rubbing his head slightly.

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“…….”

“Because I think it would be really nice if Hyung remembered it.”

It was a refreshing voice. At the sound vibrating against his eardrum, Eun-ha had to distort his face ambiguously. To think he really wanted him to remember. He felt as if he had suddenly been handed a daunting homework assignment.

Even if he looked at it like this…

“……I really don’t know.”

“…….”

“What happens if I can’t remember?”