By Zephyria 
Jae-min was the first to greet the morning. Despite falling asleep as if fainting, perhaps because the sleeping quarters were unfamiliar, Jae-min opened his eyes before the sun rose.
The first thing he did upon waking was look at the person sleeping beside him in the bluish dawn. After gently touching Seung-pyo’s smooth forehead, high bridge of the nose, and lips as he slept soundly sprawled out, Jae-min checked the time. It was not yet five in the morning.
He wasn’t exactly sure what time they had fallen asleep. Yesterday, even after ejaculating twice, for some reason the heat in their bodies showed no sign of subsiding, so they had started a third round immediately without even resting properly.
While Oh Seung-pyo ejaculated three or four times, he felt like he had come five or six. Toward the end, he was truly exhausted, out of breath and limp, yet his member remained erect without losing strength. He felt as if his body had broken under the weight of endless lust and pleasure. To Jae-min, who was shedding tears not knowing what to do, Oh Seung-pyo had said something nonsensical, claiming it was definitely because he had drunk the ginseng liquor earlier.
Because he had been crying and feeling so intensely, as if the supports in his mind had collapsed, he hadn’t known to be embarrassed yesterday. Now that he had woken up and looked back, he felt ashamed of himself for sobbing like a child and being unable to control his body.
Jae-min quietly slipped out of the bedding and headed to the bathroom. Sleeping on the floor was unfamiliar enough, but having had such intense sex on top of that meant his condition wasn’t great. However, regardless of the stiffness in his body, his head was clear and his heart was at peace.
Standing before the mirror, Jae-min brushed his teeth and washed his face to fully wake himself up. The tap water in Seoul wasn’t this cool even when the cold water was turned on, but the water here was ice-cold, snapping him awake just by washing his hands.
Trying his best to open and close the creaking sliding door quietly, he stepped out onto the veranda and took a deep breath. Despite it being a summer day with continuing heatwaves, the dawn air of the seaside village was unbelievably cold and refreshing.
As he stepped into the yard, he heard the sound of someone moving in the open annex. While he hesitated over whether to go inside and show his face or greet them from here, the Grandmother, perhaps sensing his presence, came out and greeted Jae-min first.
“Why are ye up so early?”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Where’s Seung-pyo?”
“He’s still sleeping. I didn’t wake him.”
I hope our sounds last night didn’t reach the annex, Jae-min thought, subtly gauging the Grandmother’s reaction, but she answered warmly, just as she had yesterday.
“Why’d ye wake up so early this mornin’? Why not sleep more?”
“I promised to watch the sunrise with Seung-pyo.”
“Then ye should’ve woken him up together.”
“In a little bit. There’s still some time before the sun rises.”
Seung-pyo’s grandmother nodded and disappeared again, saying they should all have breakfast together after seeing the sun. The faint sound of utensils clinking echoed, as if she were doing kitchen work.
Just as he felt a light sense of relief that they hadn’t been caught, the sound of a sliding door opening was heard behind him. Turning around, he saw Seung-pyo, who had just woken up, stepping out of the door with his head slightly bowed. Jae-min smiled welcomingly.
“You’re awake?”
“Why are you out here alone? You should’ve woken me.”
“You could sleep more. There’s about 30 minutes left until sunrise.”
“I have to wake up now if I want to wash up before we go.”
“I only washed my face.”
“I’ll do the same. We showered before bed.”
At those words, the two locked eyes in silence and then chuckled awkwardly. Since it was their first time having sex without a condom, they had gone through a whole ordeal cleaning the inside during their shower yesterday.
Jae-min felt a strange sensation. It had been quite a while since they started dating, and they had seen all sorts of things since last year, long before they officially dated. This was already their third time having sex, yet he felt shy, as if they had just spent their first wedding night. For some reason, it was embarrassing to look at him directly, so he averted his gaze, and Seung-pyo let out a low cough. It seemed this inexplicable shyness wasn’t his alone.
“Wait a second. I’ll be right out.”
“Okay.”
While waiting for Seung-pyo, who had disappeared back into the room, Jae-min looked up at the sky. The dawn was receding quickly. A few stars were still twinkling in the navy-blue sky, but the speed at which the pink hue spreading from the east was expanding was extraordinary.
Having quickly finished getting ready, Seung-pyo and Jae-min left the main gate together and headed toward the front sea. Even though it was the same path they had walked yesterday, the impression of the night and the early morning were completely different. The silent rural road, where only the sounds of grass insects had been heard, now felt pleasantly secluded with the cheerful songs of birds, and it was full of vitality with the scent of fresh grass dampened by dew.
One could hear birds at home or school, but in a place where no other noise mixed in, the tone became much clearer, naturally drawing one’s attention. Because they were listening to the sounds all around them, the two walking side by side did not share many words today either. They only readjusted their intertwined hands occasionally or occasionally leaned down to plant a playful kiss on a cheek.
The beach they arrived at was still surrounded by a dim purple hue. Seung-pyo looked at the distant sky and said,
“We’ll have to wait a bit longer.”
Jae-min stared straight ahead in silence. The sun, preparing its slow appearance beyond the horizon, was overpainting its stage with countless colors ranging from blue to pink, and the sea, which had been like a black curtain, had also become part of the dawn, stained in a blue-purple hue.
The scenery of the moment a new day began was overwhelming. Feeling surrounded by a giant painting, Jae-min murmured unconsciously.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Right? Whenever I come to Grandmother’s house, I always make sure to see the sunrise at least once.”
Jae-min turned his gaze from the distant sea to Seung-pyo. Noticing the look, Seung-pyo smirked and leaned his face closer.
“Are you staring because I’m handsome?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh… what’s gotten into you, Ryu Jae-min. This early in the morning.”
After acting arrogant, Seung-pyo’s tone became bashful when Jae-min actually agreed. Jae-min chuckled. He was still the same—puffing out his chest, only to become shy when given an opening.
Around the time he first started talking to Seung-pyo, he had been so angry at how much the other despised and sneered at him that he had once masturbated right in front of him, just as he had been teased. After spending so much time irritating him, when Jae-min had simply said he’d show him what he wanted to see, hadn’t Seung-pyo actually gotten scared and told him to stop, his voice even trembling? Back then, he had truly hated Oh Seung-pyo, but looking back with his current perspective, he found it somewhat cute.
“The water is still a bit cold since it’s dawn.”
Before he knew it, Seung-pyo had taken off his shoes and was playing by dipping his feet in the edge of the incoming tide. Instead of joining him, Jae-min simply watched Seung-pyo with the kind of look one gives a puppy out for a beach walk.
The guy who used to only worry about how to attack his weaknesses was now kissing those very weaknesses. The world where the sun rises across the sea day by day is mysterious, and love, which can bloom anywhere, is an enigma. Does Oh Seung-pyo know that the tears that surged like a spring yesterday didn’t leak a single drop when he was being beaten until his legs were ragged?
Red flowers bloomed in a heart that had been like a blank sheet of paper, and blue dyes seeped in; today, various colors spread like the distant sky. Not simply because he wanted to be honest, but because he wanted to remember this moment forever, Jae-min opened his mouth with unplanned words.
“Oh Seung-pyo.”
“Hmm?”
“Before the sun rises, I’ll tell you what you asked yesterday.”
“What I asked?”
Seung-pyo opened his eyes wide with an expression asking what that was.
“My father.”
When he dropped the short phrase and fell silent, Seung-pyo, who had dipped his legs up to the shins in the water, blinked as if waiting for the rest. But when there was continued silence, his patience seemed to reach its limit, and he asked first.
“What about your father?”
“He hit me. My legs.”
At the nonchalant answer, Seung-pyo’s brow furrowed a beat late. His pupils trembled in bewilderment.
“What? What? Why?”
Seung-pyo hurriedly walked out, kicking the water. The sound of splashing in the calm sea echoed noisily. Facing Seung-pyo’s heavily frowning face as he approached, Jae-min continued the explanation.
“Because I said I didn’t want to go to the boarding academy.”
“Wait. He hit you because you didn’t want to go to an academy?”
“That’s not all; I made my father angry. It’s complicated if I explain….”
“Does being angry give you the right to beat people? Everyone in the world gets irritated and angry often. Does that mean they all beat people? No!”
Like the dawn sky growing brighter, Oh Seung-pyo’s voice rose in a gradation. Jae-min simply looked at Seung-pyo with a smile as he huffed with a directionless anger that didn’t suit the peaceful dawn.
“Right. He probably hit me because he thought it was okay to do so to me, even though he couldn’t do it to others.”
“You were ranked first in the whole school every single time since you entered high school. Normally, if a son does that, parents carry them around on their backs all day! He beat you until your calves were bruised just because you didn’t want to go to some academy? Hey, I seriously don’t understand this.”
“It doesn’t make sense if you only hear it like this. That wasn’t the only reason. Anyway, the culprit who made my legs like this was what you were curious about.”
Seung-pyo’s lips were trembling with uncontrollable anger. He opened and closed his mouth, turned his head, ran his hand through his hair several times, and then spat out a targetless curse toward the sea.
“Ah, fuck!”
Having lost his composure due to the sudden bombshell confession, Seung-pyo picked up a smooth stone rolling nearby and threw it with all his might as if venting his frustration. The stone thrown onto the calm tide surprisingly skipped twice on the surface before sinking. Jae-min’s eyes widened in admiration.
“Hey, you can skip stones in the ocean too?”
“Is that what’s important right now?”
“It’s amazing.”
“You… sigh, forget it.”
Seung-pyo sighed. His soaring anger seemed to have calmed down somewhat as he looked at Jae-min with a bitter and pitiful expression. Jae-min looked back at him and asked half-playfully,
“You said yesterday that you’d make sure I never go through something like this again. What are you going to do now?”
“Don’t go back home. Come to my house.”
He had asked the question thinking Seung-pyo would be troubled, but Seung-pyo answered without a moment’s hesitation. Jae-min blinked and asked back in a tone that questioned if that was even possible.
“You want us to live together at your house?”
“Don’t worry. Even if I tell my dad and Hyung, they’ll tell me to do it. If they don’t want to, I’ll leave the house. I already promised to move out and live on my own as soon as I go to college, so they’ll understand if I say I want to leave a bit early. I’m not just saying this.”
“If you live alone, there are so many things to take care of at first; what if your grades drop? We’re seniors next year.”
“You study. I’ll take care of everything else.”
“Then your time will be taken up by other things, and you’ll keep losing to me without ever getting first place until graduation?”
“I don’t care. I’m fine with losing forever.”
“Why.”
“Because I love you.”
Jae-min, who had been continuing his questions with an annoying persistence, lost his words and fell silent at the sudden and passionate confession. Was it pathetic that his cheeks were heating up even now?
“Come here. Let’s sit for a bit.”
Seung-pyo took Jae-min’s hand and led him. The two sat side by side on the white sand near the boundary where the seawater pushed in and receded.
Though they had settled in, Jae-min remained silent. Seung-pyo also became blunt. He kept his mouth tightly shut, as if suppressing every word that tried to escape, and glared at the sea.
What is he thinking? Jae-min looked at Seung-pyo’s profile before turning his head forward. He didn’t know if he was in the middle of managing his anger or if he had gone quiet to plan how to actually take him home to live, but either way, it was obvious without checking that Oh Seung-pyo was racking his brain solely on Jae-min’s side. Jae-min could wait for his next words with a much more relaxed heart.
The silent Seung-pyo finally opened his mouth as if he had organized his thoughts.
“This wasn’t the first time you were hit like that by your father, was it?”
Seung-pyo’s gaze was still fixed on the horizon. Jae-min asked back, genuinely puzzled.
“…How do you know that?”
“Someone hitting for the first time can’t beat someone that brutally, even if they’re heartless. Even in fights between kids, there’s a huge difference between someone who’s used their fists often and someone who hasn’t. I told you when I went to your house before. When I was young, I used to get hit on the calves in the study if I did something wrong.”
“Ah.”
“When I heard you got hit on the calves back then, I think I acted like an idiot and said your father was refined and gentlemanly….”
His voice trailed off as if his throat were tight. He murmured with a gloomy expression, looking as if he were about to cry.
“But he’s still your father, so you’ll feel bad if I curse him, right?”
“No.”
“He’s like a crazy psycho. I fucking want to beat him up. I was curious, so I read a few of the books your father wrote. In the books, he pretends to be such a great person, but fuck, why hit you? What did you do that was so wrong? I….”
“…….”
“I really thought you lived your life like the contents of those books. Plus, you ride in a Benz when you go to the academy and you have a helper lady. I thought you had such rich, smart, kind, and educational parents who cherished you immensely….”
Having nothing to say, Jae-min swallowed hard. It wasn’t something he needed to make excuses for, but he felt as if he should. Seung-pyo murmured as if sighing.
“I’m so stupid.”
“…Everyone else thinks so too. What can I do if I look like that.”
“No. I’ve thought your parents were strange before.”
This was news to Jae-min. As far as he could remember, the only times he and Seung-pyo had talked about parents were when Seung-pyo had openly expressed envy, saying it must be nice to have such an elegant and beautiful mother, or when he had treated Jae-min like some pampered rich boy. Seung-pyo’s following words were even more unexpected.
“During winter break, after we fought, you suddenly stopped coming to supplementary classes. Back then, your parents sent my phone to my homeroom teacher via courier. It was weird. You told me you lost my phone, so why was it coming from your parents through the teacher? It felt off, and it bothered me.”
“…Ah, back then….”
“Yeah. If I had thought about it a bit more then, I might have figured it out sooner. I should have just asked you. Asked if something happened, if you were okay. If I hadn’t just brushed off that uneasy feeling and had asked, maybe you would have told me sooner….”
Jae-min shook his head without hesitation, to let him know how futile his regret was.
“Even if you asked, I wouldn’t have told you. Never.”
“…Why?”
“Because it’s embarrassing.”
Seung-pyo turned his head with a look of confusion. Jae-min gave a bitter smile.
“The fact that I, who look perfectly fine to others as you said, actually live while being a punching bag for my parents—if people found out, I’d feel so embarrassed I’d go crazy. If I were going to say anything, I would have done it then. I wouldn’t have lied about losing the phone.”
Listening to Jae-min, Seung-pyo also looked back on the events of last winter break. Since he had a good memory, he was able to recall the past quickly.
The day he received the phone via courier from Ryu Jae-min’s parents was the day after he had a huge argument with Jae-min. The reason for the fight was that Ryu Jae-min had claimed to lose the phone he was keeping for Seung-pyo and asked if he could just use the replacement phone—a request that, at the time, Seung-pyo found utterly absurd.
The day before, they had ended a betting basketball game—which they had been building up to with several days of psychological warfare—on a relatively warm note, and Seung-pyo had strictly reminded him to bring the phone the next day. The Seung-pyo of that time could not understand why Ryu Jae-min would flip his word in a single day.
“I can’t use a phone however I want. I get checked occasionally. Even my current phone—when I entered high school, my parents wanted to switch it to a study-only phone, but my tutor stopped them, so I barely managed to keep it. The phone you picked up was a spare phone my Noona secretly gave me to use. But back then, I hid it in my drawer, and my parents caught me.”
Having spoken quickly, Jae-min let out a long sigh. His breathing wavered, as if he hadn’t expected to talk about this.
Seung-pyo waited without rushing him. When Jae-min spoke again, his voice was much calmer.
“Then both my parents suspected I was using two phones. Well, it’s true that I was using a second phone behind their backs. But regardless, the phone I had then was yours. No matter how much I told them it was yours, they wouldn’t believe me. They said they’d contact the school and ask you directly, that they’d know everything once they checked.”
“And?”
“I suddenly got worried. I was afraid my father might actually contact you and say something strange. It’s embarrassing. We weren’t even on good terms back then, and if you noticed how I was treated at home….”
“…….”
“I hated that so much that I tried my best to settle it on my own. I’d rather take a few hits than let you find out about my situation. If I told my father that it was actually your phone and I lied, I’d just get hit a few times and it would be over, right? So as soon as I woke up, I told my father that, and I asked you if you could just use the replacement phone since I lost yours. That way, there would be no connection between you and my parents.”
Seung-pyo, who had been listening silently, let out a deep sigh. An irregular tremor was carried in his breath.
“So you got hit back then too? Is that why you came in after the first period that day?”
“I got hit a bit, but not as much as this time. I just got a few hits on my calves and had my belongings searched, and that was it.”
“…But I didn’t grant your request. You asked me to just use the replacement phone, but I cursed at you and lost my temper.”
“That’s why I got pissed and jerked off in front of you. I’d say we’re even.”
“Since I didn’t grant your request, what did you do after that?”
“I had no choice… so I changed my story again and said it was a friend’s phone. My father got furious again, asking if I was playing games with him, and as punishment, I was banned from supplementary classes, academies, and going out, and I just had tutors at home…. But once he confirmed it really was your phone, he didn’t say anything more. He kept saying he’d check with you directly, but in the end, he just solved it with a phone call to the homeroom teacher. I just dug my own grave for nothing.”
Jae-min chuckled as if recalling a funny memory, but Seung-pyo couldn’t laugh. No, far from laughing, he grit his teeth because he felt like he was going to cry.
Thinking back, the Ryu Jae-min of that time was not the kind of guy to ask for a favor, even the slightest one. He must have been desperate to ask while walking on eggshells around him; Seung-pyo felt a fresh wave of shame and regret for acting so spiteful and cold.
He had been on edge, thinking Ryu Jae-min was trying to stab him in the back again, but in reality, wasn’t it because the guy he always wanted to beat had first lowered himself, making Seung-pyo act arrogant and ugly? Since his own phone was an old thing he’d used up, if a close friend had made the same request, he might have grumbled about why they lost someone else’s property, but he would have seriously considered it at least once.
Thinking that, a conversation he had with Jae-min recently suddenly came to mind.
‘Do you remember the day we first played betting basketball in our first year?’
‘Of course. How could I forget that?’
‘I felt like I first became close with you that day….’
Sniff.
Having confessed another secret and feeling lighter by that weight, Jae-min, who had been looking at the sea, instinctively turned his head upon hearing a small sniffing sound.
“Hey….”
Jae-min looked at Seung-pyo with wide eyes, then reached out and wrapped his arm around Seung-pyo’s shaking shoulders.
“I’m not even crying, so why are you?”
“I, hic, don’t want to cry either.”
“You were listening fine, what suddenly made you sad?”
Seung-pyo couldn’t explain the reason for his tears. He feared that this answer, of all things, might wound Ryu Jae-min’s pride.
After their final bet ended vaguely in the form of a relationship, Seung-pyo had asked Jae-min what condition he planned to set if he had won the bet. The answer that came back was completely outside his imagination. To Jae-min, who said he intended to ask him to “be his friend,” Seung-pyo had grumbled irritably, asking why he was talking nonsense when they had long since become more than friends.
It wasn’t nonsense. Around that winter break, Jae-min had felt they had become close, so he had made a difficult request that he normally would never have made. Holding a small hope that since they were now friends, Jae-min might actually grant it if he asked.
He must have struggled to bring it up, yet Seung-pyo had sneered at him, calling him a slutty whore and asking why he would use a dirty phone used by a pervert, as if he had been waiting for the chance to pick a fight. Even if he was angry, there was no need to go that far, but he had intentionally acted more cruel.
He still remembered the expression on Jae-min’s face, his lips trembling like someone who had been shocked. The current Oh Seung-pyo hated his narrow-minded self from back then.
“Oh Seung-pyo, stop crying. The sun is rising over there.”
Jae-min patted Seung-pyo’s broad shoulder and pointed ahead. Seung-pyo, who had been staring down at the white sand while swallowing his sobs, also lifted his head.
The long-awaited sunrise was beginning. While the two were preoccupied with reminiscing about the not-so-distant past, the thumbnail-sized red sun that had barely emerged above the sea swelled rapidly. The world, which had been painted in various colors like a pastel drawing, was soon covered in orange and gold.
The sky, the sea, the sandy beach they sat pressed against, and the world behind their backs. The golden light that enveloped everything in an instant was intense, as if declaring it would burn away all the anger and sadness of small humans. Both Seung-pyo, who had been weeping, and Jae-min, who had been comforting him, lost their words and gazed at the horizon for a long time.
“My father wasn’t always like that.”
Jae-min, who had been staring blankly at the distant sky, suddenly spoke as if confessing, perhaps overwhelmed by the sun along with the world.
“When I was young, he was a normal father, just busier than others… He never explained the details to us, but I think he lost out in a competition with other judges. His pride was hurt, so he left the court and went to a school. But it seems that the pride wounded back then never recovered, no matter how much time passed. Even now.”
“…….”
“My Noona was smarter and better at studying than I was. She was truly called a prodigy, so until high school, she was my father’s hope. He would sometimes say that she would achieve everything he couldn’t.”
“Wow, he had some ambitious dreams.”
“But Noona really was great. She was good at studying, kind, and worked hard to meet my father’s expectations. But when she got to high school, she started dating someone.”
Seung-pyo thought it sounded just like their own story. Until middle school, he had no interest in girlfriends or dating. No matter how pretty a girl was next to him, or how much other kids encouraged him, he only saw them as friends; he never imagined he would meet the person he liked for the first time after entering an all-boys high school.
This feeling cannot be stopped by force. Even if it looks clumsy, immature, and like unripe fruit to adults, the parties involved, clutching feverish hearts in their chests, do not know any form of passion beyond this. One cannot force a growing fruit to wither.
“My father taught us from a young age that dating is something you do later when you’re an adult, but Noona was caught while on a date with that person. Her grades didn’t drop, and she was never negligent in her studies just because she had a boyfriend… but still, my father got angry like a madman.”
“…….”
“He hit Noona. Not with a switch like he did to me, but just indiscriminately. I was still an elementary student then… and I couldn’t do anything while watching Noona get hit like that. My mother tried to stop him from the side, but it was useless because my father was so angry. Noona probably never imagined my father would get that angry either.”
Seung-pyo, who had been listening silently, blurted out as if he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Ugh, your father sounds like a total psycho.”
“While Noona was being hit by my father, she screamed at me. Asking what I was staring at and telling me to get lost…. That was the first time Noona had ever spoken to me like that.”
“…….”
“She came into her room crying… I understand how she felt back then even more now. How embarrassed must she have been? I couldn’t tell you because I was embarrassed, but to have that happen in front of a younger brother who was still in elementary school….”
The area under the eyes of Jae-min, who had been patting Seung-pyo to stop him from crying, became damp. Now it was Seung-pyo’s turn to lean toward Jae-min and wrap his arm around his shoulder. Jae-min leaned his head slightly against Seung-pyo’s body and continued.
“We used to be much closer, but we became a bit awkward from that day on. It’s not bad now, but should I say a distance was created…. Once you drift apart, it’s hard to recover.”
“You said Noona offered to send you money.”
“Yeah, Noona knows what kind of people our parents are, so she gave me the spare phone and wants to send me money. She was really pleased when I told her I ran away from home.”
“It’ll get better and better. After we graduate and start working in society like Noona.”
Will it? I hope so. Jae-min nodded and narrowed his eyes at the brightening sunlight. While they were looking at the sky together for a moment, Seung-pyo suddenly gasped in surprise.
“Wait, did you get hit because you were caught dating me too?”
“No, this was because I pushed my father’s inferiority button.”
“How?”
“He kept trying to force me into a boarding academy, so I told him that even if I study well and succeed more than others, it doesn’t mean my father wins against his friends….”
Instead of an answer, Seung-pyo let out a sigh with an ‘Ah…’ expression. Jae-min gave a bitter smile, looking embarrassed.
“I know I spoke harshly.”
“No. How was it harsh? If you hit him with facts, your father should have hit you back with words, why use actual violence? You did nothing wrong.”
The sun had now fully risen above the horizon, taking its proper round shape. The sky, which had been entirely covered in orange, was gradually regaining its usual blue.
Swoosh, swoosh, waves carrying tens of thousands of split beams of light rolled in. Facing the beautiful scenery, Seung-pyo sighed and lowered his head.
“I’m so embarrassed that I once acted like your father.”
“You? When?”
“I was jealous of you, and since I had a weakness on you, I acted cowardly at first because I wanted to beat you once.”
Seung-pyo’s face was red with belatedly realized shame, but it wasn’t very noticeable, buried in the light of the sunrise. Jae-min shrugged nonchalantly.
“It couldn’t be helped. I’m great, so everyone wants to bring me down at least once. If I’d been caught by someone truly obnoxious, rumors would have spread through the school before I even knew my phone had been switched. Even the kids I was close with would have giggled like everyone else if such rumors circulated.”
As the world brightened, Jae-min’s brow furrowed slightly. His pupils trembled as if facing a frightening darkness, and he dropped his gaze to the end of the white sand.
“I knew it…. That I was doing something truly dangerous.”
There were many ways to deviate to take a breath from a suffocating daily life, but Ryu Jae-min had chosen the method that sat at the very bottom, receiving all sorts of harassment, ridicule, and contempt from people.
In reality, Ryu Jae-min hated losing and could not tolerate anyone looking down on him. Yet, he felt a strange thrill when checking all the filthy words attached to his faceless photos. Watching the model student, the top of the school recognized by everyone, be trampled and denied by vulgar ridicule felt refreshing, as if it weren’t his own business; and he felt a sense of revenge against his parents by exposing himself to the situation that would despair them most.
Looking back at those feelings now, it felt like a dark swamp or a maze. When Oh Seung-pyo had gotten angry, saying he should value himself more, Jae-min had found it absurd that he was saying such nonsense without even knowing him, but now he could understand the meaning.
Emotions like anger, sadness, or unfairness always had to be swallowed alone. When he was young, he used to exchange complaints with his Noona, but they had to whisper in very low voices, adding another layer of anxiety even while talking, and as he grew distant from his Noona, he had no one left to talk to.
The second phone secretly handed to him by his Noona, the SNS account created in secret, the photos with his face covered. With no one to share the burden of anxiety, only subversive secrets increased, and as the things he hid grew, he became more anxious by the weight of each secret.
When he first created the SNS account and posted nude photos, watching the vulgar insults and harassment of unknown people be added one by one, Jae-min often imagined the moment his secret behavior at the bottom would be discovered or exposed.
How terrible the criticism and contempt of people who knew him would be, and how thrilling the moment would be when he faced the expression of his parents despairing in shame because of him. Even though, in reality, he had neither the courage to reveal himself nor the courage to resist his parents.
Looking back at those dangerous and gloomy past feelings that might have truly dragged him to the bottom, he felt goosebumps. If the person who picked up the phone back then hadn’t been Oh Seung-pyo, the situation might have been much worse.
“I think I’ll probably be like this for the rest of my life. I was born with a lot, I hate losing, I have strong pride, and I want to succeed, so there will probably be many people who find me obnoxious.”
“…….”
“So… I want you to keep staying with me.”
Jae-min murmured, his eyes reddening slightly with embarrassment.
If Oh Seung-pyo is there, Ryu Jae-min can love himself. He can value himself. If the sensation of the lips touching his bruised calves remains his forever, he can find courage. Now, he feared nothing.
“I’m not leaving even if you kick me out.”
Seung-pyo spoke bluntly, as if stating the obvious. The two hands that had been sprawling on the white sand intertwined again. When Jae-min turned his head, Seung-pyo gave him a serious look.
“What are you going to do now? You’re coming to my house, right?”
Jae-min sank into deep thought for a moment, then quickly shook his head.
“No, that’s too unrealistic. I have to go home. And if I live with you, I feel like I won’t be able to study properly because we’ll just be playing and having sex every day.”
“And if you go? If you go, that psycho in your house is just going to beat you down again, isn’t he?”
“I just won’t get hit.”
Jae-min’s answer was surprisingly simple. As Seung-pyo blinked in confusion, Jae-min added nonchalantly.
“You said your Hyung once got drunk and fought with your father, hitting each other, right? To be honest, my father can’t beat me with strength anymore. I just let him win. Because they’re my parents. I tried to love them, too.”
Oh Seung-pyo had told Jae-min that he didn’t mind losing to him forever. Because he loved him. Ryu Jae-min had tried to think the same way. Even when he was angry, wronged, and sad, he chose to be the one to lose every time. He had done it since he was a child, almost out of habit. Because they were his parents. Because they were family. Because he had to love them.
“I want to stop now.”
“You mean you’re going to get into a fistfight with your father?”
“When he tells me to come into the study, I just won’t go. If he pulls out the switch, I’ll just snatch it and throw it away. Want to bet? I bet he won’t be able to do anything else if I just do that. Up until now, he’s looked down on me because I never properly rebelled.”
Seung-pyo couldn’t shake his skeptical gaze. However, as Jae-min looked out at the sea, his expression grew increasingly detached.
“The fortunate thing is that my parents and I want the same thing? I want to be more successful than my father. My Noona decided not to live the way Father wanted, but I can keep walking the path the two of them want. So, my father and mother can’t throw me away even if I don’t listen. Because I’m their last hope.”
A faint smile played on Jae-min’s lips. Seung-pyo felt as though he had seen this face somewhere before.
“I decided today what I’m going to do. I’ll become their flawless, finished product. And just when they think they’ve achieved everything, I’ll break.”
“…Break? How?”
“Of course, I don’t mean I’ll actually break. I’ll be perfectly fine, but I’ll make the two of them feel that way. Just telling them I’m dating a man would be enough to make my parents wail that I’ve gone crazy.”
When Seung-pyo remained silent with an uneasy expression, Jae-min frowned, as if suddenly bothered.
“Does this make it seem like I’m using you? I just said whatever came to mind; if you don’t like it, I’ll think of another way.”
“No, I don’t mind that, but when are you going to tell them?”
“It’ll take a long time. I’ll have to go to college, get a job, and become a respectable son they can brag about to others first, right? So, Oh Seung-pyo, you have to stay by my side until then. That’s the only way this plan succeeds.”
“Then we’ve still got a long way to go. First, you have to succeed in your own life.”
True to his nature as a diligent honor student, his revenge plan was incredibly long-term and constructive. Seung-pyo chuckled and gripped Jae-min’s hand tightly.
Even as he smiled under the sunlight, there was a coldness to him that reminded Seung-pyo of the Ryu Jae-min who had stared at him intently after pretending to cry when his secret was first discovered. At the time, he had only thought the guy was creepy for acting so flawlessly without a change in expression.
“The sun is completely up.”
A warm, bright smile finally replaced the coldness on his face. Jae-min stretched his legs out onto the sand with a sigh of regret.
“I think we were so busy talking that we didn’t even get to properly watch the sunrise.”
“The sun rises tomorrow too; our conversation is more important.”
Under the round sun that had fully risen above the horizon, a straight golden path formed on the calm surface of the sea. It looked like a stepping-stone bridge that would lead straight to the sun if one walked along it.
They hadn’t exactly shared hopeful stories, but perhaps due to the magic of the morning sun, their expressions were light. Seung-pyo stood up.
“Since we’re here, let’s go in the water for a bit before we leave.”
“Now?”
“It’s already hot now that the sun is up.”
Seung-pyo whipped off his t-shirt and tossed it carelessly onto the dry white sand. His toned body, more tanned than during the semester, glowed healthily in the rising sunlight. It was a sight to behold, but Jae-min frowned.
“Why the hell are you suddenly stripping anywhere and everywhere?”
“You’re telling me to go into the ocean with clothes on?”
“I’ll let it slide this time since there’s no one around.”
Seung-pyo giggled and soon ran across the beach, splashing into the sea. He looked as if he were trying to run along that golden path leading to the sun. Unused to the ocean, Jae-min felt awkward stripping suddenly like Seung-pyo. After hesitating, he eventually followed Seung-pyo without taking off his clothes.
They had enjoyed plenty of water activities yesterday, but the sensation of plunging into the sea with one’s bare body was different from floating on a boat over a river. As he took off his shoes and dipped his feet in, soft sand pushed between his toes, and the rushing seawater caressed his bare feet and shins in a pleasant, steady rhythm.
As Jae-min stood still, looking down at his legs submerged in the sea, Seung-pyo, who was already soaking wet, swam over and asked worriedly.
“Are your legs okay? The sea is salt water, so it might sting.”
“I’m fine. I have bruises, but no open wounds.”
“Then come further in! It’s not cold at all.”
Only then did Jae-min move forward. The depth of the small beach increased faster than it looked. Regardless of his clothes getting wet, Jae-min submerged himself and swam slowly, feeling his chest open up at the sight of the vast ocean stretching before him.
Seung-pyo, who was ahead, intentionally kicked his feet hard, splashing a lot of water.
“Ah, hey!”
Jae-min grumbled, but he was smiling brightly. Seung-pyo chuckled, changed direction, and dove through the water toward Jae-min behind him.
The two faced each other under a sky without a single shred of shade. The water droplets clinging to their hair, eyelashes, and exposed skin held the bright light.
The sky, where the golden hue of the sunrise had not yet faded; the sea, sparkling as it reflected the sun; and Ryu Jae-min, who was smiling.
Seung-pyo narrowed his eyes against the glare. He had never in his life been in a moment where everything in the world sparkled so much. No matter how much time passed, he would never forget this light.
His heart was so full that it was hard to stay still. When he kissed the water-beaded eyelashes, Jae-min blinked once as if it tickled.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been in the ocean; it’s so refreshing.”
“Right? The water is clearest at this hour.”
Looking at Jae-min’s face as he raised his voice in excitement, Seung-pyo made a silent vow.
You say you’re fine, but what if you really do break while I’m not around?
That’s why I have no choice but to stay by your side.
Only when the red tint of the sun faded and the sky and sea turned completely blue did the two emerge, dripping water, to write their names on the white sand. They wrote Oh Seung-pyo and Ryu Jae-min in large letters, enclosed them in a heart, and drew plenty of small scribbles like ‘Oh♡Ryu’.
After making a mess of the beach and giggling about what would happen if someone recognized them, they left the cleanup to the incoming tide and started walking. Their grandmother would be waiting for her grandsons to return. It was time to end their short escape.
On the way back, water droplets fell with every step. Seung-pyo, shaking his hair as he walked, spoke up.
“If you’re really going back home, let’s prepare a few small things before we go.”
“Prepare what?”
“You say your father won’t be able to hit you anymore, but I’m anxious.”
Ryu Jae-min, the top student in the school, had made a macroscopic and long-term plan, but Oh Seung-pyo, the second-place student, decided to supplement it with a more short-term and immediate strategy.
Jae-min looked at Seung-pyo with curious eyes.
* * *
The honor student’s first runaway experience in his life was short and intense.
After eating the breakfast their grandmother prepared, the two enjoyed swimming in the sea once more, sat on the veranda and finished a whole watermelon, and finally left the grandmother’s house well past lunchtime.
“Come back and visit anytime. Your friend, too.”
Jae-min bowed his head in greeting to the grandmother.
“Thank you. I’ll come again next time.”
“I’ll be back, Grandma.”
The grandmother, who had followed them out to the main gate, stood in one spot for a long time like a fixture, seeing them off. Even when Seung-pyo gestured for her to go inside, she only gestured back for them to hurry along, until they finally disappeared from sight as they left the alley. Jae-min murmured apologetically.
“She must be sad that we left so quickly.”
“There’s no other way if we’re going back home. Don’t you have supplementary classes starting Monday?”
“Yeah.”
It was called ‘running away’ for dramatic effect, but from an objective perspective, it was merely an ordinary two-day, one-night trip for two boys.
Upon arriving at the terminal, Seung-pyo began executing his modest plan. First, while waiting for the bus, he called the number he had received from Jae-min. The person on the other end seemed urgent as well, as the call connected before the signal could even properly go through.
—Hello.
Once the call connected, Seung-pyo felt a bit nervous because it was hard to predict the reaction. However, he opened the conversation in the voice of a pure boy, pretending to know nothing.
“Hello. Is this Ryu Jae-min’s father?”
An answer didn’t come immediately. Sensing a hint of bewilderment, Seung-pyo introduced himself first.
“Hello. I am Oh Seung-pyo, a classmate of Jae-min’s.”
—Ah… Student Oh Seung-pyo? I believe you found and returned some lost property before, is that correct?
The fact that both of Jae-min’s parents remembered Oh Seung-pyo’s full name was a small gain left over from the previous phone incident.
He was likely someone who had almost never received a sudden phone call from his son’s friend in his entire life. Despite that, Ryu Jae-min’s father was responding quite naturally.
Seung-pyo sneered inwardly at the voice and manner of speaking that naturally evoked an image of a benevolent and intellectual man. If he hadn’t seen the marks of the beating on Jae-min’s calves, if he hadn’t heard the inside story from Jae-min, he would have thought of him as only a kind and smart father, just as he had when he first met Ryu Jae-min’s mother.
“Yes, that’s correct. You sent my phone to the school before I entered the second year.”
—But how did you get my number to call?
Since he must have heard the general situation from Jae-min’s Noona, he probably expected the reason for the call, but he didn’t ask first. Seung-pyo answered naturally.
“Actually, I’m calling on Jae-min’s behalf. He said he doesn’t have his phone right now.”
—I see.
“At first, I thought it was a joke, but according to Jae-min… he said he ran away from home.”
As expected, there was no immediate answer to the words spoken with an air of extreme caution. Only a faint, troubled sigh was transmitted, as if he didn’t know how to explain. Considering how he likely wouldn’t want anyone outside the family to know about his son’s ‘runaway’ status, Seung-pyo continued.
“I was at home when I heard, and I was so shocked that I came to pick up Jae-min.”
—Are you very close with our Jae-min?
“We’re the closest in school. And since I’m the class president, I felt I should come when I heard a classmate had run away.”
—And what is Jae-min doing?
“We’re waiting for the bus together right now. I thought it would be counterproductive to tell him to go home immediately, so we spent a day together. He seemed to have a lot of stress, so we went to get some fresh air. I persuaded him to go back today, and he agreed to go home.”
A sense of relief was felt at the mention of returning home. Only then did his speech lengthen.
—I hope you don’t misunderstand, but it’s not as if anything particularly bad happened at home. As a fellow student preparing for entrance exams, you’ll understand that the more of an honor student one is, the more stress follows.
“Yes, though it’s embarrassing, I’m the second-highest in the school after Jae-min. So I understand a little.”
Deciding to meet hypocrisy with hypocrisy, he mixed in a slight joking tone, and the atmosphere became more relaxed. Rigid people are often weak to sociability.
“Anyway, I will bring Ryu Jae-min home. However, I would appreciate it if you could come out to meet us. It would be troublesome if Jae-min were to slip away again after parting with me.”
—Yes. Of course I should. Where are you now?
“The East Sea side. I brought him to the beach to get some fresh air. We’re about to leave the terminal, and I think it’ll take at least four hours to arrive.”
Jae-min was staring at Seung-pyo with an intrigued expression, like an audience member watching a farce. Seung-pyo gave a wide grin, making a circle with his thumb and index finger.
“No, you don’t need to come all the way to the terminal. I think that would be burdensome for both of us. I’ll call you again when we get near the house.”
End of play. As Seung-pyo hung up and waved the phone, Jae-min laughed as if he found it absurd.
“Your tone on the phone just now sounded like a truly good kid.”
“I am a good kid.”
When Seung-pyo plopped down next to him and leaned his head in, Jae-min giggled and patted the back of his head.
“My mother already likes you; now my father will too.”
“The image of me being helpful to you needs to be firmly planted in their heads so they won’t interfere with us before graduation.”
No matter if the opponent was a son’s friend and a student, they wouldn’t want their family affairs exposed. Throughout the short call, he had only pretended to be calm; by now, the inside of Ryu Jae-min’s father must be boiling like lava. He couldn’t trust a human like that and send Jae-min home alone.
When a child who has been a model student their whole life suddenly acts out, many parents choose the most convenient coping mechanism: attributing all the reasons to the influence of a friend they’ve been close to recently. Around the time he hit puberty, Seung-pyo had met a few friends’ parents who blamed him for their children’s changes.
It was a situation he had to preemptively avoid. Regardless, as long as they were high school students, their freedom was only half-complete, and being branded as a ‘bad friend’ by a guardian would only make the rest of their high school life more difficult.
“Your parents will eventually want me to take care of you. Without even knowing I’m an accomplice.”
Jae-min expressed his agreement with a smile and a slight nod. The two bought drinks and snacks at the terminal convenience store and boarded the bus.
As the bus slowly turned and departed for Seoul, Jae-min looked out the window without saying much. He pretended to be calm, but there was no way he wasn’t anxious about returning to the tiger’s den he had escaped from. Seung-pyo overlapped his hand over Jae-min’s hand resting on the armrest.
“If anything feels off, just bolt to my house immediately.”
“I told you not to worry.”
“Remember that I’m ready to live with you right now.”
“I know.”
As the bus left the city, the scenery outside the window became a repeating panorama of green mountains and trees, blue skies, and white fluffy clouds.
Just as it had been when they watched the sunrise at the sea, looking at the bright and cozy summer sky made him feel that things wouldn’t go wrong. Seeing Jae-min, who had fallen into a light sleep while holding hands, perhaps because his mind had finally eased, Seung-pyo was finally able to relax his shoulders.
“Jae-min!”
The place they agreed to meet Jae-min’s family was a franchise cafe in front of the apartment complex.
While chatting quietly over iced americanos, Seung-pyo and Jae-min turned their heads simultaneously toward the sound of a voice.
Jae-min’s mother was approaching with quick steps. Although he had only met her once, Seung-pyo could feel that she was anxious enough to abandon all the elegance and composure she had shown then.
And then he saw the man walking behind her. A man who was thin, with a rigid posture and a stern impression. Even without an explanation, his identity was obvious.
He definitely can’t beat Ryu Jae-min with strength. Oh Seung-pyo sneered inwardly and stood up from his seat.
“You, honestly, how could you…”
The mother, who was scolding Jae-min in a low voice out of consideration for Seung-pyo and the other customers, couldn’t finish her sentence and bit her lip.
“Hello.”
Instead of Jae-min, who sat there blankly without a word, Seung-pyo greeted them first. Only then did Jae-min’s mother seem to notice Seung-pyo’s presence. She was smiling palely.
“We meet again, Seung-pyo. I heard everything. Thank you so much.”
“It’s nothing. You can just think of it as us going on a one-night trip.”
Finally, Jae-min’s father came to a stop beside the table. He looked down at Jae-min quietly and then turned his gaze to Seung-pyo.
Seung-pyo looked back at him. While clenching his fist tightly with a hand that was out of sight. He felt like he could only satisfy his anger by grabbing the man by the collar, regardless of whether he was a father or not, yet he had to suppress even his growing fierce gaze. Acting like an adult, something that wasn’t in his nature, was not easy.
Just as he was about to greet the silent man again, Jae-min’s father spoke first.
“I’m sorry for the trouble.”
“Not at all. Thanks to this, I got to visit the beach for the first time in a while; I just think of it as having gone on a trip.”
“Come to think of it, the expenses must have been quite a bit. If you give me your account number, I’ll pay you back generously, so leave it in a text to the number from earlier.”
“No! We just went out to hang out together.”
Jae-min’s father also turned his gaze toward Jae-min. He was a man whose expression was difficult to read. Seung-pyo wiped the smile from his face and stared at the father and son.
“Get up. Let’s go home.”
Jae-min stood up without a word. Seung-pyo approached him and spoke.
“Ryu Jae-min, get home safe. See you at school tomorrow.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
The parents looked conflicted, watching their son, who remained consistently silent toward them, open his mouth only for Seung-pyo.
But Seung-pyo and Jae-min felt just as conflicted. They didn’t want to part, yet they had to let go of each other’s hands. Though he often thought about wanting to become an adult quickly, he had never felt it as desperately as he did now.
The two exchanged glances, promising to see each other tomorrow. Just as Jae-min turned to head for the exit with his parents, Seung-pyo lowered his voice to stop one person.
“Father.”
Jae-min’s parents, who were about to leave the cafe, looked back. Seung-pyo bowed his head slightly and spoke.
“There is something I would like to tell you privately, sir…”
The mother looked back and forth between her husband and Seung-pyo with an anxious gaze. However, at a signal from Jae-min’s father, she took her son and went outside.
“What is it?”
Jae-min’s father approached the table again. Seung-pyo lowered his voice and whispered carefully.
“Actually, there is something I found out when I was alone with Jae-min… I thought his mother might be shocked if she found out, so I wanted to tell only you.”
“What is it?”
“I think Jae-min was subjected to corporal punishment at the academy he was attending. His calves were a mess, likely from being hit there. Jae-min isn’t the type of kid to run away from home. It seemed like he left because he was angry about the unfair violence at the academy.”
“…Is that so? Did Jae-min say that?”
The man’s expression became serious, appearing genuinely worried. Hypocrite. Seung-pyo cursed inwardly as he slipped his phone into his pocket.
“No, he didn’t say who hit him, but it’s obvious. I know there are some management-style academies that use corporal punishment. But even to me, it seemed too extreme. I thought this should be documented as evidence quickly, so I took photos of everything. I also visited a hospital and got a medical certificate. The doctor said a forensic injury report would be more advantageous, but Jae-min didn’t want that, so I just got a general one for now.”
Seung-pyo rummaged through his bag and pulled out a copy of the medical certificate. He saw Jae-min’s father’s Adam’s apple bob as he took the document and unfolded it. Seung-pyo added in an indignant voice.
“You’re going to protest to the academy, right? Please let me know if you need anything when you pursue this legally. I can send the photos right away. Since I’m Jae-min’s closest friend, I can help in any way possible.”
Jae-min’s father stared silently at Seung-pyo. Once again, Seung-pyo looked him straight in the eye. I don’t know anything, I’m just doing this because I’m worried about my real friend. The evidence is all ready, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes. You have such a passionate ally for your son. He maintained an innocent and determined expression.
“Father?”
“Ah, right.”
Realizing the silence had lasted too long, the man cleared his throat and nodded.
“I don’t know what to do with myself, knowing you care this much. I’ll be sure to contact you if needed.”
“Yes, please get home safely. Oh, and please don’t scold Ryu Jae-min too much. It was the academy’s fault.”
“I will. You get home safe too, student.”
The man’s posture remained upright as he turned away, but perhaps it was just a feeling, yet he seemed to stagger slightly. Seung-pyo watched his back until he left through the door, then sat back down and drank the rest of his coffee.
Did today’s manipulation actually work? Ryu Jae-min had returned home, but Seung-pyo couldn’t bring himself to leave. He didn’t even know if it had been the right decision.
Ryu Jae-min had left bravely, saying he just had to not lose, but would it be as easy as it sounded for a guy who had never properly rebelled in his life to fight with his parents? Perhaps he should have stalled for a few more days before going back. Until the parents were the ones begging him to return.
[Ryu Jae-min, you okay? Reply as soon as you see this. If it takes too long, I’m coming to your house]
He felt like he had made a mistake, fallen under the spell of a dazzling summer dawn. Until he was on the bus, it felt like everything would work out, but as he returned to the center of the city, pessimism began to tighten its grip on his heart.
‘Should I follow him back up now? I could pretend I left something behind to get in. If they don’t open the door, I’ll report it to the police.’
While he was anxiously thinking this, the phone he was gripping tightly vibrated. Seung-pyo hurriedly opened the message window.
[I’m okay. I’m in my room and I got my phone back]
[It’s way quieter than I expected. They just told me to rest without saying much, so I came to my room]
Haa, Seung-pyo let out a sigh of relief. But he couldn’t let his guard down yet.
[It could suddenly explode, so be careful]
[I should have just gone to my house]
[I think it would have been better to stay a few more days and see how the atmosphere was before going back]
[I think they’re shocked just by the fact that I ran away. Especially my mother, since I disappeared right in front of her]
[It seems like the two of them fought a lot while I wasn’t there, but they’re quiet with me]
[Don’t worry. If anything happens, I’ll go to your house]
[I’m still at the cafe]
[I’m too anxious to go home]
[Go home already]
[You have to be there first so I can bolt to your house if things go south]
Staring blankly at the message, Seung-pyo nodded. It was a fair point.
[K. I’ll go first]
[Contact me again. Anytime]
Having finished his reply, Seung-pyo finally stood up. He left the cafe and walked for a while, looking up at the sky.
The sun, which had taken them to a dazzling world at dawn, was now finishing its daily routine and tilting toward the west. If the brilliant gold scattered everywhere and the endless sea had given him hope that everything would be alright, the sunset spreading a deep, quiet vermilion and the silhouettes of the towering buildings seemed to offer comfort, telling him he had worked hard.
Seung-pyo stood in place for a moment, cooling off while seeing off the setting sun, before moving again.