By Zephyria 
“Because of my looks, people often tell me I seem sentimental, but in reality, I’m quite dry.”
“……”
“I wonder if… Mr. Hyun-su already knows that I’m that kind of person.”
Unable to believe he had actually said those words, Jeong Ji-in let out a bitter laugh. He continued.
“To put it nicely, I’m realistic; to put it bluntly, I have a cold side.”
“Hyung, you’re not cold, you’re calm.”
‘Hyun-su’ denied it with a fairly firm voice. You only met me for the first time yesterday, so how can you be so sure? Instead of pressing ‘Hyun-su,’ Jeong Ji-in asked quietly.
“Do you really think so?”
Seeing him nod seriously without avoiding eye contact, Jeong Ji-in couldn’t help but think of Choi Hong-seo. A child who had a stronger will than anyone. Which was why he had never imagined the boy would choose to break in such a manner…
This time, Jeong Ji-in did not look away and continued to gaze at him.
“Anyway, it’s true that I’m not a sentimental person. But after taking that cat to the neighbor’s house yesterday, I was seized by a thought that I couldn’t shake off.”
‘Hyun-su’ also didn’t take his eyes off Jeong Ji-in for a moment. He was focused, gripping the straps of his bag tightly with both hands as if they were a lifeline.
“Why did something like this happen today of all days?”
“……”
“Could there be some reason behind it?”
The Bateau-Mouche continued to flow toward Île de la Cité, with the Tuileries Garden to the left and the Musée d’Orsay to the right. On the wide stairs leading from the Musée d’Orsay to the Seine, a group of children were sitting huddled together. Each had a sketchbook on their laps, looking to be around ten years old. It seemed they were having an outdoor lesson after a field trip to the museum.
Whether someone among the passengers had waved first, a few children began waving toward the cruise ship. More and more children joined in. After hesitating, ‘Hyun-su’ tentatively waved back at them. Watching ‘Hyun-su’s’ profile, Jeong Ji-in let out a helpless laugh. He felt like a thug picking a fight with and tormenting someone who harbored no ill will.
As the cruise ship passed the Musée d’Orsay and went under the Pont Royal, the surroundings became quiet again. Leaning against the railing, Jeong Ji-in cast a meaningless gaze toward the buildings on Rue de Voltaire.
“Did you… try visiting Hyun-su?”
‘Hyun-su’ nodded heavily.
“Did you… talk to him?”
This time, he shook his head.
“I knew he worked at a bar in Daehak-ro, so I went to see his face. Right now, I’m just… something of a regular customer.”
Song Hyun-su. The guy was affectionate and loyal, but he wasn’t particularly delicate. Even if ‘Hyun-su,’ who had taken over the role Choi Hong-seo once held, resembled Choi Hong-seo too much, he probably wouldn’t attach much meaning to it. However, he didn’t know how he would react if he found out that this ‘Hyun-su’ was meeting Lee Hae-sung, who had been Choi Hong-seo’s lover. Things could get complicated.
Gripping the rounded railing of the boat, Jeong Ji-in asked a question for the nth time.
“You said you first met Hyung at the <Cream Mansion> investment party, right?”
A nod.
“Do you remember that I was at that party that day too?”
A nod.
“We thought the director had called both you and me together. But… when we went inside, that wasn’t the case.”
At ‘Hyun-su’s’ answer, goosebumps lightly rose on Jeong Ji-in’s arms. Just as they had while he was listening to the numerous pieces of evidence yesterday as to why ‘Hyun-su’ could only be Choi Hong-seo.
“Not knowing that, I just said something immature… like how I’d love to take a picture with you.”
‘Hyun-su’ dropped his head low, as if it were a mistake he had committed just yesterday.
That day, there were several people in Director Kang Woo-hyun’s second-floor drawing room. Lee Hae-sung, Kang Woo-hyun, Myeong Do-hoon, actor Seo Ui-ju… and a few others. The story might have leaked from one of them. But outside the drawing room door, there were only Jeong Ji-in and Choi Hong-seo. No one else.
“It would be great if we get to work together. Right?”
Choi Hong-seo’s smile as he said that was still vivid. It was a clear, innocent smile that made one understand why fans called him a ‘born-to-be idol.’
Both Choi Hong-seo and Song Hyun-su thought of themselves as calculating and shrewd people. But in the eyes of Jeong Ji-in, who was a few years older, they didn’t seem that way. Especially Choi Hong-seo; perhaps because he started his trainee life almost as soon as he became an adult, he was actually quite naive about the ways of the world. While he was a proper adult in terms of responsibility, diligence, and professionalism, at times he seemed like a sorrowful dancer trapped in a glass castle, singing and dancing, believing that was all there was to the world.
Now, he knew the reason.
In reality, Choi Hong-seo was practically trapped in a glass castle, and before he could acquire proper common sense and judgment, a leash had been placed around his neck by filthy beasts.
“Do you know… where the last place Hong-seo and I met was?”
“Nox Hotel. The one in Seoul.”
“……”
“It was the last schedule in Korea before leaving for Vietnam. Hyung… was waiting for me backstage.”
The hand gripping the bag strap was trembling.
“The mister, Hae-sung Hyung, was waiting in the parking lot… so I couldn’t talk to you for long then.”
It was a part Jeong Ji-in had forgotten, but hearing the story brought it back. Choi Hong-seo, whom he was seeing for the first time in a long while, had lost a lot of weight in the meantime.
“I lost it on purpose. My diet was a success.”
“Did you have to lose this much?”
“The reaction was good, saying I became prettier.”
“……That person did?”
“No, the fans.”
He remembered Choi Hong-seo blushing and acting shy just by mentioning the person he liked. The boy wasn’t as calculating or cold as he thought himself to be.
They hadn’t talked for long before the manager, who had been waiting a few steps away, approached and hurried Choi Hong-seo along.
“Hong-seo, he’s waiting in the parking lot.”
At the time, he hadn’t known who the subject waiting for Choi Hong-seo in the parking lot was.
“That day was… the last with the mister, too…”
‘Hyun-su,’ who had been trying to continue the story while pretending to be calm, couldn’t finish his sentence. However, he didn’t show any tears. He was desperately holding back his sobbing, with his lips and jaw clenched tight. He seemed to think that if he showed tears easily or tried to appeal to emotion, Jeong Ji-in would doubt his sincerity.
Jeong Ji-in quietly wrapped his hand around the one twisting the bag strap. He had wanted to do that all along, and only now had he found the courage.
“Thank you for telling me. It’s okay. You can stop talking now.”
The cruise ship, having passed Île de la Cité and the adjacent Île Saint-Louis, slowly began to turn. It was now heading west, to return to the starting point.
Retracing the path they had come, Jeong Ji-in walked ‘Hyun-su’ to the main entrance of Nox Hotel. Even though the bellboy was holding the heavy door and waiting, ‘Hyun-su’ couldn’t bring himself to take a step.
“Thank you for your time today. Go on in.”
Jeong Ji-in gave him a nod. During the short distance of about ten steps until he completely disappeared into the hotel, ‘Hyun-su’ looked back at least five or six times.
Only after he was completely out of sight did Jeong Ji-in turn away from the hotel. It was Yi-han’s workplace and a hotel where the two of them had made many memories. But today, it didn’t have that feeling of familiarity, like it was his own home. It felt strange and eerie, as if time and space had been warped.
Walking along the wall with its ornately decorated gate, he unconsciously moved his legs wherever they led.
“Hyung.”
Before he had gone far, Jeong Ji-in stopped at a shout from behind him.
He knew the owner of that voice.
Even though it was the same ‘Hyung,’ it was subtly different.
The one calling him now was not the ‘Hyun-su’ he met for the first time yesterday, but Hong-seo, with whom he had shared joys and sorrows while living in the same house for four years.
Jeong Ji-in slowly turned around. ‘Hyun-su,’ who had hurriedly chased after him, had taken off his hat and was holding it in one hand.
“Hyung, I’m sorry.”
“…For what.”
“You said you were coming. That you were coming to Bangkok. But I… didn’t wait.”
“……”
“I’m sorry.”
He couldn’t fully believe it yet, and he couldn’t accept it. And yet, hot tears streamed from Jeong Ji-in’s eyes.
It couldn’t be explained by logic or common sense. It was something that shouldn’t be possible. His head still thought so. But he couldn’t deny the truth he was feeling with his heart right now.
Just as he believed his mother and siblings loved him even when they weren’t together. Just as he clearly believed in Yi-han’s love when Yi-han smiled at him, even without hearing the words ‘I love you.’ In this moment, he could simply feel it. Who this child in front of him was.
“The person you said you’d introduce me to back then. That person is Han Hyung, right?”
“Yes. That’s right.”
With a face drenched in tears, ‘Hyun-su’—no, Hong-seo—smiled happily.
“Actually, I wanted to introduce the mister to you too, Hyung.”
“……”
“That he’s not something like a rosin… but my lover.”
Just as it had been when they left the hotel together, there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The late May sunlight was so dazzling that it was hard to look at the boy properly.
Jeong Ji-in closed his eyes. He wished it would pour rain.